Original subtitles

- Damn it!

Well, it's another day,

and another opportunity to find true love.

I told myself that this is the year

that I'm gonna find the man of my dreams.

I know it's already August,

but I'm not giving up.

I'm on this new dating app called Hitched Date.

It's for young professionals

who are looking for the real thing.

I know you must think this is pathetic.

Let's face it,

this is how it's done.

- Oh, I heard you were looking for Florida, baby.

You found it.

- Your butt could be like around ball,

like a planet.

- You see me finger a a g-string,

and after the show they might let me finger their g-string.

- And I am like a satellite, I orbit.

- I have been looking for the perfect woman to marry.

- More of a chew and screw type of guy

if I say so myself.

- And I have a house with an empty room.

- I don't think I can conflab with a woman

that don't know who Billy D is.

- I know, don't get intimidated.

- Sorry.

This is where I work.

I'm a Project Manager for a major design-build firm,

which is a bit strange 'cause I went to school

for computer science.

However, I am really organized,

so they brought me on board.

- Oh, Kelly darling,

this scarf is so tired.

It's about ready to take a nap.

- You don't like my scarf? - No, dear,

no one wears a scarf in August.

- Don't pay attention to him.

I know it's a Saturday,

but we have a huge presentation on Monday,

and even though we're all required to be here today,

my boss is really awesome,

and she loves me.

- Kelly?

Where is Kelly?

Ah, Kelly, do you have the numbers?

Okay, good girl.

- Ooh, bosslady, you are rocking that scarf, darling.

Here's your coffee, sweetheart.

- Thank you, Jonathan.

- Will there be anything else?

- Maybe you can get your nose out of my ass.

- Ooh, apparently, it's not big enough.

- These look good.

These look really, really good.

No, I have them in front of me.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

That's Jessica.

She's my best friend.

I love working with her.

Back to finding true love.

He's tall, dark, and handsome.

He plays football.

Has such a great body.

He's everything that I can dream up in a guy,

and he loves me.

Ew, get her out of there.

Ah, that's better.

Don't misunderstand me or anything.

He's not my boyfriend.

You might even be wondering what's his real.

Well, he is.

I see him in the park sometimes.

I really wish he would notice me,

but the timing has just been all wrong.

Well, bad timing can be an understatement,

but I'm sure once he notices me,

sparks will fly.

- Hold on one second. - What?

I hate cardio.

Oh yeah, my bad.

I was just up late last night.

Have you thought of an approach at all

for this presentation?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I think I'm going to use cross matrix filter.

You know it's gonna analyze,

spending an internet based search patterns.

- So essentially you're just taking a snapshot

of these companies spending reports and earnings.

- Exactly. - Great.

- Yeah, we're gonna see which companies are cutting spending

and one that's laying off workers.

Take that data,

put it through my algorithm,

cross reference it with all their physical locations,

find out the weakest locations,

and boom, we got our targets.

- So essentially you're just gonna hack

into a multi-million dollar companies database.

You do realize you're gonna have to be the one

to sell this to Jack and Michael, right?

You know how anal he can be.

We're not hacking it to anything.

It's our data.

- Hopefully, it doesn't bite us both in the ass.

Give me a sec.

- Holy shit, are you on Hitched?

I didn't even know you had one of those.

- Yeah, I dabble in it.

- Hey, I mean does it, you know, work for you?

I mean, I personally have just never had any luck.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm-mh.

- No, let me just, you know, 'cause I like, let me-

- Kyle?

Kyle, what the fuck?

- What?

- You just made me like this girl.

- Shut the front door.

- She's not that bad. - Not that bad?

- Hey girl, come on, let's go.

The meeting's about to start.

- Look! - What?

Damn, he's fine.

- Not bad?

This girl is a fucking scab.

- Wait, he liked you.

Hey.

- You should just bang and deny,

bang and deny, you know.

- Damn, he's fine.

- Get your whistle on it. - What?

- Wait, what are you gonna say?

- Just hit it and quit it.

Bang, bang, bang.

So lame.

Yo, what's up? - I don't know.

- Oh, okay, well, since you're such a stud,

why don't you bang her then?

I ain’t like her.

- You know what, Kyle?

Thank you so much for showing such genuine concern.

I really appreciate it. - Oh God!

- Asshole.

- Hi team.

Okay, I am happy to announce that we have made it

to the next step in landing the redesign

for the Gateway Mall.

I wish I wasn't in this stupid meeting.

Oh, my God, he is so hot.

I wonder what he's doing right now.

- All right, so I wanna thank Kelly for all the hard work.

Kelly?

Kelly!

- What?

I am so sorry. - Pathetic.

- I'm sorry, are you busy?

- No, continue.

Okay, I feel like an idiot.

My boss is giving me props,

and I am totally ignoring her.

But what the hell?

This could be it.

She's such a perv.

I swear she should have been a pornstar.

I wonder where he lives.

I wonder how he likes it.

Dillan.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yes.

- Kelly?

- What?

I am so sorry.

- One more time,

and I'm taking a hammer to that fucking phone.

- It won't happen again, I'm sorry.

- It better not.

Okay, as I was saying,

- I am not risking true love for a stupid meeting.

Hmm, no response yet.

I wonder why he hasn't responded.

He must be busy.

Yeah, he's busy.

If you're thinking of going down, down

Even

Even

- Oh my God, I thought Alexis was gonna lose her shit today.

- He hasn't responded yet. - Who?

- Should I send them another message?

- That guy?

Oh, that fine guy from Hitched.

Wait, did you steal his photo and make it your wallpaper?

- Yes.

So what?

I like his photo and his name is Dillan.

I'm gonna message him one more time.

- Oh my God, he was here.

He was here!

- Calm down, what are you talking about?

- It was him.

He was here.

The app has this feature that allows you

to see if other people who use the app are around.

That's just fucking creepy.

Oh my God, don't look, Jonathan just walked in.

- Ah, fuck, he's such a pain in the ass.

- Maybe he won't see us.

- Hello ladies.

- Hi Jonathan.

- What, no boys tonight,

or is it just a cunninlingus type night?

- What do you want, Jonathan?

- I just stopped by to say hello.

Oh please, dear, Hitched?

- What?

- I can't believe you're on Hitched.

- What?

- That's like catfish city.

Hitcheddate.com,

voted the number one dating site by the douchebag tribune.

No fatties or fuglies here.

Stop pretending that you're looking for love,

and finally upgrade your social status.

Let's face it,

what you really want is to date someone

who's better than you.

- I never thought I would find true love.

The kind of love that's based purely on looks and money.

Then I tried the Hitched app,

and I met the most shallow man of my dreams.

- Oh, thank you baby.

You know, I found exactly what I was looking for.

I was just looking for for a desperate girl

who's insecure with a hot body,

but thinks she's ugly,

who will let me do freaky shit on her.

Thank you hitchedddate.com. - Thank you Hitcheddate.com.

Hitchdate.com,

we know what you're really looking for.

- Johnathan, don't be such a bitch.

Don't be such a bitch.

Don't be such a bitch.

- For your information,

I am talking to a really hot guy who could be the man

of my dreams.

- Well, not exactly talking.

- Yeah, well, your dreams and his nightmare, sweetheart.

I'll see your work tomorrow, ladies.

Ta at!

- Ignore him.

- What a fucking asshole.

Asshole!

Anyway, do you realize that we could have walked

right past him?

- Girl, I hope you're not gonna obsess over this guy.

- You know what this means, right?

What, what means?

- It's a sign? - No, it's not.

- It's definitely a sign.

I'm gonna message him again.

Hey there, I see we've crossed paths.

Winky face.

- Are you freaking crazy? - What?

- Kelly, what are you doing?

Are you just gonna bang him?

- I didn't mean like a hook up.

- Okay, seriously though,

what if he some kind of serial killer?

- Or what if he is the one? - Did he respond?

- Not yet.

- I gotta go.

Be careful.

You know how I feel about all this online dating stuff,

especially now, since you stalkers can track each other,

I'm serious, don't do anything stupid,

and don't message him again.

Let him message you.

- This is Sam and Pam.

They're such an item.

I feed them at least three times a week.

They come to my door and look at me through the glass.

It is the cutest thing ever.

Sam always follows Pam.

No matter where I see them,

they're always together.

Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

I love their little love affair.

It gives me such hope.

God, I hope to have found my Sam.

Only my Sam's name is Dillan.

- Hold up a minute, Michael,

I've been trying to talk to you about this the whole day.

- Watch out. - Hello Jack.

- It's in the contract.

- No, you have to look at this though.

- If you can't read the contract,

tell him to have his lawyer read the contract

to help him figure it out. - It's got kelvin all over it.

- Hey, Dillan, how's the program development coming?

- We're in the middle of beta testing now, sir.

- So what does that mean? - Two, three weeks tops.

- That's my man.

You know what happens if you pull this off, right?

No more sitting at the kids' table.

You know what happens if you don't?

- Yes, sir.

- You see that man?

Make him proud.

- Jesus Christ, turn that thing down.

I said turn it down!

Oh shit!

The whole fucking neighborhood can hear you.

What are you doing?

Dad?

I didn't know you were home.

- Son, why are you wasting your time with this nonsense?

- It's not nonsense, dad, I'm rehearsing.

- It's nonsense.

You'll never become anything

if you keep wasting your time with this crap.

- It's not nonsense, dad, I'm rehearsing.

- Oh, it's nonsense.

I don't wanna hear it.

- Dad.

- Is a too much for a father to ask to want his son

to make him proud?

Oh!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Well, I'm here.

What are your other two wishes?

- One that you would go away.

- And two that you never come back.

- So what's your name?

- Valeria.

- Valeria, wow!

That's very, very beautiful.

You know, it sounds like malaria.

- Right. - Yeah, you know,

because you're just so infectiously good looking.

- Good one.

- So what's your name?

- Sophia. - Sophia, wow!

Yeah, you know, beautiful name

and eyes to match.

You're quite a catch.

- Okay, is there anything we could actually help you with?

- Yeah, actually you can help me

find dinner reservations for three.

- Seriously?

- Yeah, you know?

I know this great restaurant by the water and some wine.

- Fuck off.

- Okay, okay, I can just see this as a bad time.

I'll come right back.

- Come in.

- You finish those reports?

- Yeah, of course.

Hey Michael, you got a sec?

- Sure, what's on your mind?

- Well, this is gonna sound kind of stupid,

but Jack just popped his head in here.

Honestly, I don't know whether

to feel encouraged or threatened.

- Kid's table?

- Yes.

What is with all this kid's table shit?

- When I started here,

I was working for your father.

Jack was his number two.

I wanted to make a name for myself.

My first big project,

we were traveling the globe searching for land, properties.

Of course, that was for the internet.

Anyway, Chuck used to come up to my desk all the time,

driving me freaking nuts, pressuring me,

making strange comments.

And right before my big promotion,

he dropped the kids table thing on me.

I think it's just Jack's way of saying,

"It's time to move up,"

or maybe he was speaking for Tom.

- Yeah, it's just weird, you know?

- What's weird is that Jack isn't that much older than me?

I don't know why he goes

around spouting those old euphemisms.

I don't know,

maybe he got it from his old man.

I don't know what it is you're working on,

but according to Jack,

it could change the whole goddamn industry.

You don't understand,

I've known Jack a long time,

and he never says shit like that.

The point is you pull this off,

I guarantee you're gonna be moving up.

- Good, 'cause I'm tired of everyone thinking

that I'm only here because of my father.

- Listen to me,

you are the only person here who thinks that.

Your father busted his ass to build this business

and make it what it is.

People think that he took chances, risks,

but Tom had his shit dialed in.

He called it focus.

Tom believed that if you focused on what you want,

you can make your own reality.

So the only thing,

the only thing you should be thinking about

is do you wanna focus on whether you belong here,

or do you wanna focus on owning this whole goddamn thing?

- Michael?

- Thank you.

- Okay. - Jesus Christ.

- What? - Knock much?

- Oh, come on.

Look, let's go get some drinks after work.

You seem very, very stressed.

What?

Come on, look, I just played probably one

of the most legendary seeds of all time

with the girl at the front desk.

Her name's Valeria by the way,

and we all can go visit Vanessa.

Oh, yeah

Oh

- Shut up.

- What?

Oh, come on, how long has it been

that you two have known each other.

- Dude, she was my babysitter.

- Dillan, can you please, pick up your toys.

- No.

- Pick up your toys now.

- No.

- Are you kidding me?

Come on, mihi, help me.

Serious.

- Why do I always have to do it?

- I can't believe this.

- Well, life has now come full circle,

and it is time for you to have that Latin baby,

sit on your face.

- All right, dude, enough about Vanessa, okay, please.

It's never gonna happen.

She doesn't see me that way,

and besides she's like 10 years older than me.

- Are you kidding me?

Have you not seen the way this woman looks at you?

Oh, papi.

Oh Dillan.

Dude, I'd be like bang, bang, bang,

slap in the ass in that Latin MILF.

24 hours a day,

seven days a week, 365, Dillan.

- Okay, Kyle, please, please.

Okay, listen, Jack just peeked his head in.

Michael stopped by.

I just, I don't have it.

Okay, I don't have the mental capacity

to deal with this right now, okay?

I'm sorry, man.

- Oh, Jesus Christ,

please, don't tell me he did the kids' table thing

to you again. - Yes, the kids' table.

It's always that.

What is with that shit? - Look, I don't know.

Well, come on, he does the kids table one thing to me too.

I just, you know, ignore it.

- Yeah, well, Michael says it's Jack's way

of saying, "You're moving up."

- So just do what I do,

and focus on your work.

- Focus on your work?

The only thing you focus on is banging chicks.

- There is nothing more satisfying

than cracking the intricate and complex code

of the female species.

- Will you shut the fuck up. - What?

It's true.

Listen to me,

there is scientific studies that says

that women's breasts reduce man's brain power

by about 50% per boob.

- Yeah, I see your point. - Of course you do.

- Ew, oh my God, no.

Wait, what the.

You fucking blocked me?

Why?

why did you block me?

So I had a moment of weakness,

and I was hoping that this was the real thing,

but fuck him!

I wouldn't even respond if he messaged me right now.

Oh, shit, is that him?

Oh, my God.

Is he really waving at me? - Hey!

- I knew this was meant to be. - Dillan?

Oops, sorry. - What the hell?

- Look at you sexy.

Look at you sexy. - Hey, what's up, girl?

- Seriously?

Who's this hooker with her up in the air.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Fine, he didn't like my old profile,

well, maybe he'll like my new one.

I am not giving up that easily.

Now, I just gotta find this asshole.

There.

Hi, there, cutie.

There, let's see if he responds.

You must be thinking it's awful of me to catfish him.

I know I'm tricking him,

but what am I supposed to do?

I know if he just gave me a chance,

and got to know me,

we would be the perfect match,

so I am going to make him get to know me,

but first I gotta make a few changes.

I know what I'm going to do.

I'm watching you

And I see something you don't see

You capture me

When you let me in

So I can see

Sorry I don't mean

Hey. - What are you working on?

- I'm just working on the new big contractors materials.

- Let me see what you you've got.

And every time that you're not here

I feel

Kelly, come with me into the conference room.

- Sure.

I can't take this

- How are you?

- I'm fine.

- What's with this?

What's with this?

What's with hanging this on your cabinet?

What's with all of this?

What would this picture posted everywhere?

- What?

I like the style.

- It's not the style,

and it's not you.

It's about being true to you,

and not trying to be this.

This isn't you.

- Hey man, you wanna go grab some lunch?

- Ah, no, bro.

I'd love to.

I think I'm just gonna push through lunch,

work on this project. - Ah, I see.

What do you got here?

A little Hitched alert.

- Okay, give me that. - Relax, I just wanna see.

Dude, she's hot.

This is so unfair.

All I ever get is gays, grandmas, and grandes.

- Are you done?

- I mean, you know, I'm being honest.

She kind of looks like Vanessa.

- What?

She so does not.

I don't even know why you'd say something like that.

- Hey baby, wanna chat? - Dude what are you doing?

- I'm not doing anything.

Relax.

Oh, tell me a little bit about yourself, baby?

- All right, Kyle, give me the phone back.

- All, right, take it.

- Now. - Take it.

- Jesus, man.

- Have you ever hooked up with any of these girls?

All right, well, just let me see it.

Let me see.

Come on, I'm not gonna do anything.

I just wanna see the pictures.

Pictures are worth a thousand words.

- Fine.

Don't message her. - I won't.

God!

How did you get this lucky?

All right, you need to bang this girl.

- Oh, I got it.

- Like tomorrow. - Oh, yeah.

- Today if you can. - Sure.

- And you will thank me. - Kyle, what did we say?

- You didn't say anything. - What did we say?

- I'm saying you're gonna be laid.

- What did we say?

- I work at Lang Holding. - I said not to touch it,

right?

Kyle? - You need to touch this.

- I told you not to touch the phone, didn't I.

- This is like one time at summer camp

when I told you to kiss that girl behind the bleachers

and you pussied out.

- You don't listen. - This is not happening again.

I'm telling you don't listen to this.

That's your problem.

- I'm going to set us up with a supermodel,

- Dude, I am not fucking with you right now.

- You are going to have sex with a supermodel tonight.

- Kyle, give me my phone! - All right, fine, take it,

take it, take it, take it.

- You told her where I work.

Are you crazy?

I don't know this person.

She could be a serial killer.

- Or worse.

I mean, she could be a he.

You'll thank you later.

- Hey Ryan, this should go through any firewall,

or security you're having trouble with.

K.

Will you give it all to me

Will you give it all

As I put my hands upon you

'Cause I feel your curves and skin

Will take all it fro, me

And will you take it all

As this tension’s aching me

As I press on your body

As I beg for your release

As you show me how you ache

And as I feel you start to shake

As I deliver your release

As I put my lips on your rose

As I start to taste the flow

'Cause you give it all to me

Just give it all

As I penetrate you slow

As your friction makes us glow

As you take it all from me

You just take it all

- Oh!

- So this is like my first time using a dating app.

I don't know,

I was always kinda like sketched out by it.

Anyway, I matched with this guy.

He looked tall in his photos,

and I'm a tall girl,

so I figured I'd give it a shot.

He pulls up and he’s short as fuck, okay?

You can't, how do you go from six foot to midget

that I don't fucking understand.

We started dancing.

He's getting a little spicy,

and he asked me to come home with him.

"Hey, mommy, come back to my place."

He makes me pay for my own drink.

I just fucking met you,

you think I'm gonna have sex with you right now?

This is like my first time fucking meeting you.

Anyway, after that, that was pretty much my last time

on this fucking dating app.

I'm over it.

It's bullshit.

- Line them up, Vanessa. - I needed this.

- It has been a long week.

- On the house guys.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- So what are you guys doing tonight?

- Well, I am looking for just about any woman

that will have me.

This guy on the other hand is bouncing

around like a 12 year old

who just had his first wet dream.

- Dude, fuck you.

- Really? - Oh, come on.

Look, he's going steady with his cell phone.

- It's not true. - Yeah, it is true.

- Yes, it is true.

I believe you.

- Oh, great, well, you should believe this.

That's over there is my cue, so.

- Go get 'em tiger. - Oh, I will.

- Good luck.

- I mean, totally false.

- Yeah, right.

I know you.

So what's up with this puta on your phone?

- Oh really?

- Yes, really?

- What are you jealous?

- Well, I'm curious.

Tell me everything I wanna know.

- No, it's not much to tell.

I mean, I met this girl on Hitched.

We hit it off,

and I don't know,

things have been going really great.

- Let me see.

Let me see.

- So you guys are Russian?

Yeah?

Yeah, that's awesome,

you know, I took Russian in high school

for like two semesters,

you know, I got the whole thing going on.

- Let me see.

Come on.

I wanna see. - Okay, all right.

- Oh wow.

She's pretty. - I know right?

- What's her name?

- Kelly.

- Kelly?

Well, she doesn't look like a Kelly.

- Okay, whatever.

- Those drinks are pretty good, right?

They're pretty expensive.

If you ask me they're they're an aged vodka.

- Oh my God, she just texted you.

- Okay, can I have that back, please?

- I'm gonna make you smile.

- Vanessa?

- So freaking lame. - Vanessa, please.

- Are you guys moving in together or what?

- Oh my God, enough.

- So I was wondering,

do you guys want to maybe.

What?

- Okay, gosh, Jesus.

- A little privacy.

- You smiled, but that's a first for you tonight.

- It looks like Kyle found what he's looking for.

- I was thinking maybe we could leave here,

and maybe go back to my place,

or somewhere quiet.

- Yeah, sure after we finish our drinks.

- English.

- Maybe not.

- Hey, what did I say?

- Ouch!

- And what are you looking for, Mr. Dillan?

- I think you know the answer to that.

- Didn't wanna go to Russia anyway.

I like Cubans better.

I came tonight

To put my problems off to the side

Let the music take me to

- Dillan?

- Kelly?

Hi. - Hi.

- It's nice to finally hear your voice.

- It's nice to finally hear your voice too.

So tell me about yourself.

- Well, what do you wanna know?

What do you do at Lang?

- Actually, I'm a programmer.

- Really?

What are you working on?

- Well, it's kinda dorky stuff,

but I'm working on an algorithm

that accurately predicts foreclosures

before they happen.

- That's interesting.

You must be running for proprietary banking information

through a cross matrix filter that analyzes spending

and internet search patterns.

Let me guess,

you're using a multi-head hydro

for the banking data,

and a math-based filter to limit the search patterns.

Wow!

Yes, that's like exactly what I'm doing.

Are you a programmer?

- I code a little.

- So on top of being incredibly smart,

you're also extremely beautiful.

So what do you do for work?

- I manage logistics for a design-build firm.

- Sounds pretty cool.

- Not as cool as what you're doing.

- Yeah, it's just, my boss sucks,

and ever since my parents passed away,

this guy has been in charge of my dad's company.

- Yeah, that does suck.

- Yeah, you know, my father used to always say

that I needed to earn my place in this world.

That was actually the last thing he said to me

before he died.

- Dad.

- Yes, Dillan.

- So I wrote a couple songs,

and I wanted to record a demo,

but before you say no,

just hear me out.

- Sit down.

Son, what did I say about the music?

It is a waste of time.

- It's not a waste of time.

God, why can't you just take a minute to see

that I want a life in music.

- What are you gonna do for a living?

You think you're gonna live here your whole life,

playing that stupid guitar.

It's not happening.

- It's not stupid,

and I'll get a job.

A job.

- Yeah, a job. - Doing what?

- I don't know,

I'll figure it out.

- Dillan, I've seen it a thousand times,

young people with promise and opportunity pissing away

on some pipe dream,

and they find themselves in a real pickle later in life.

They are no longer young.

No longer viable.

No longer good looking.

Life has passed them by,

and they haven't earned a goddamn nickel.

You find these losers in bars talking

about how they almost made it.

Blaming the world for their problems,

meanwhile, they can't afford their fucking bar tab.

Son, you are better than that,

you're a Lang.

You have to earn your place in the world,

and the music business,

it's just not going to do it.

- Wow, that sucks.

I'm so sorry, Dillan.

But hey, you always have your music,

and you never have to give that up.

Besides when you finish this project,

you are gonna make your father proud.

- Yeah, I think you're right.

- I just wish he'd be here to see it.

- Oh, he will.

- Wow, what are you doing?

- What do you think I'm doing?

- Are you?

- Do you wanna fuck me, Dillan?

- Yes.

Do you wanna fuck me, Dillan?

- Yes, I really do.

- I needed that.

- When can I see you?

- Soon.

Good luck tomorrow.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Kelly, Kelly?

Hello?

Holy shit!

- I don't wanna take the show away from, Dillan.

He's been working on this presentation.

- This is Tom's boy, right?

- That's correct.

- Did we really put some serious thought about that?

Are we gaining, losing?

- Ready pal?

Relax, you're gonna do fine.

What's the worst that could happen?

- Yeah.

Yeah, let's do this.

- You all know Dillan, Tom's son.

He's been working on something

that's very exciting to say the least.

So Dillan, this is your show,

why don't you tell us what you got?

- Okay, thank you for having me here.

Up until today, finding new and viable real investments

have generally been network-based,

either you have inside information on a property,

or company that's in trouble ahead of time,

or you find out after it's been made public.

Now obviously, the key in this business is to be first,

I've come up with an algorithm

based on the company's existing proprietary data

that can predict

which commercial businesses are likely to foreclose

even before the owners have any idea they're in hot water.

Now, as you can see,

this gives us an unprecedented advantage.

We could literally be first

at every single, distressed,

commercial real estate opportunity before anyone even knows

that the company is in any trouble.

- We can even help some of the more interesting properties,

you know, a little push over the cliff,

- Christ, Jack. - Goddamn it!

- To make money.

I mean, better in our bank than theirs,

and Dillan, the software works, right?

- Well, with my limited ability to test,

yes, it does.

However, in order to fully test its capabilities,

I will need to load the software into our mainframe,

so that I can fully integrate it with our financial

and holding data.

- And Kyle, this software, it's secure,

and I mean, it's unbreachable?

- This software, I've run it through countless tests.

It's bulletproof.

In fact, I'll go as far as to say that it's genius.

- "It's genius," he says.

- Shit, it better be,

or you guys are gonna be sucking soup

on a bread line somewhere.

- What he's trying to express is

that you better have your shit dialed in

before you pull the trigger.

- I have a call with Istanbul within 15 minutes.

Can we vote already, please?

- So I guess we're ready to vote.

All in favor?

Aye.

- Okay, well, that's it, meeting adjourn.

Hey Dillan, just a minute.

- Yes, sir.

- I just wanna say you did a great job in there.

- Ah, thank you, sir.

- If you pull us off,

our next conversation is gonna be about your future.

- Ah, Jack, thanks again, sir.

I won't let you down.

- I know you won't, son.

I'm counting on you.

- I can't believe you just did that.

You do realize how crazy that presentation was, right?

- Dude, I don't know what came over me.

I was just on a roll.

- I'll tell you what came over you.

Legendary stuff, okay?

You do realize like that's it.

We just have one more step.

- I know, man,

but you saw Michael in there.

I mean, that was a pretty intense warning.

Don't worry about Michael, okay?

He's just a business guy.

He's trying to get inside your head.

- Wise words, man.

- You know it.

- Dude, thank you brother.

You know I wouldn't have been able

to do this without you.

- Probably, yeah.

- So...

see you at the park tomorrow?

- See you at the park tomorrow.

- Yeah, you are. - All right, man later.

- Hey. - Hey.

- How'd it go?

- Crushed it.

- I assume you killed it.

- Yeah, yeah, I just got out.

So what are you up to?

- Nothing much, I'm just at my best to Jessica's house.

You know?

Just relaxing.

- So listen, I was thinking, you know, we should meet.

- Meet, like a date?

- Yes, meet, like in real life.

I don't know,

what do you think about Stash tomorrow six o'clock?

- Yeah, I lost Stash.

I love that place.

- All right, it's a date.

I'll text you later to confirm.

Okay? - Great, I can't wait.

- Yeah, I gotta go.

Bye. - Bye.

- Oh, my God.

I wanna be in

I knew from the start

I would get in over my head

Your playful heart

- I know what you're thinking,

how could I possibly meet him?

Especially when he thinks he's been talking

to miss model these past two weeks.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't terrified,

but I think this is fate.

Besides, when he meets me,

none of this is gonna matter anymore.

He's gonna to fall in love with me, the real me,

and that's what really counts.

Time to set a date.

But it's okay

Hi there, tomorrow works perfect.

Now we just have to wait for him to respond.

I can't wait.

I can't wait to finally meet him in person.

Everything is just gonna be so perfect,

like a fairy tale,

just like Pam and Sam.

I hope he likes what I've done with my hair,

and I hope he likes my boobs.

I mean, they're kind of small,

but they fit in the hands,

so I'm sure he'll be okay with that.

He's just gonna love everything about me,

just like I love everything him.

And we're just gonna live forever in happiness.

Why the fuck hasn't he responded yet?

What the fuck?

What if he doesn't respond?

Is he ghosting me?

Or what if he does respond,

and then he stands me up?

Oh my God, he totally thinks I'm pathetic!

Why the fuck hasn't he responded yet?

Fuck you, fuck!

What the fuck are you looking at?

What the fuck are you looking at?

God, why am I so different?

He's never gonna wanna be with me forever?

It's not gonna be a fairy tale ending?

Oh my God, he responded.

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

I have to call Jessica.

Hey girl, what's up?

Oh my God, oh my God!

- Okay, wait, calm down.

I can't understand you.

What are you talking about?

- Oh, I'm going on a date with the guy?

The guy from Hitched.

- Wait really?

Oh, I was totally wondering what happened to him.

We've been talking, and messaging.

- And you've been keeping all this from me.

- Well, I didn't want you to think I was obsessing over him,

especially after you made that comment

about him being my wallpaper.

- Oh gosh, I'm so proud of you.

I'm so happy for you.

Look, I love you.

I wanna hear everything, okay?

But Alexis has to be going to the Caymans,

and I've got to go to catch my flight.

- I'll totally call you after the date tomorrow,

and let you know how everything went.

- What's up, my man,

what brings you in tonight?

- Hey, how are you, boss?

- Good, good. - Good, man,

today is a good day.

- Let's hear it.

- I just got this awesome girl coming in here today.

I mean, we're meeting for the first time,

but she's smart.

She's beautiful.

I mean, she's everything, man.

I mean, it's the first date,

but I don't wanna speak too soon or anything,

but it really feels like, you know, this could be it.

Yo, check her out.

- That's what I'm talking about.

- Right. - Good luck, man.

It's a winner. - Thank you.

- Hi.

- Oh, sorry, I'm meeting someone.

- I know.

I'm the one you're waiting for.

Hi, I'm Kelly.

- Excuse me.

- It's me Kelly from Hitched.

- That is very funny.

Is this a joke? - No.

- Did Kyle put you up to this?

- No. - That fucking son of a bitch.

- Dillan? - Okay.

- It's me. - Enough enough.

Please, I really am meeting somebody here, okay?

Hey, wait...

I know you.

You're the crazy psycho I blocked a month ago.

- No, no, no, no, no, you- - Don't.

Don't touch me.

- Dillan?

Dillan, wait, please.

Wait!

Dillan!

Please, please, I can explain.

- Explain, what?

That you faked your whole profile.

Are you fucking crazy? - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- What did you think you could trick me into liking you

by pretending to be someone else?

- No, I thought you liked my profile

because I saw with that other girl on the street,

and I thought if I looked more like her you would like me.

- Wait, you've been following me?

- No, no, no, no.

- Stay the fuck away from me.

- I haven't been following you.

I swear, Dillan.

I jog in the park sometimes,

and when I saw you on the street with her,

it was just a coincidence.

I swear, Dillan, please.

- Oh my God, you know for the record,

I blocked you because of your crazy fucking messages.

- Then why did you even like my photo in the first place?

- I didn't!

I didn't, it was an accident.

Actually, I find you utterly fucking repulsive.

- You fucking skeeve me.

No, Dillan, no.

Dillan, no!

Dillan!

- Vanessa, I've gotta talk.

Meet me at the park.

Call me back.

You are not gonna believe what fucking happened.

- Dillan!

- So I'm scrolling my way through Hitcheddate.com,

and find my way across a banger,

so I text her.

She's down for anything.

Italian restaurant, movie theater, done.

She finishes her meal and my meal.

Bitch could be hungry.

So we go over to the movie theater

and we're sitting in the corner.

We're making the nasty,

and she's kissing all over me.

I'm kissing all over her.

As my hand goes down the tunnel of love.

I reach a sweaty, meaty horse cock.

I let go of that bitch and I never looked back.

Who knew she could be a he?

No, thank you, Hitcheddate.com.

- Hey there. - Hey.

- What's up? - Not much, thanks for coming.

- Sure.

Okay, tell me all about it.

What happened?

- She faked her profile.

You got catfished.

- It's not funny.

- Well, I told you she was a puta.

- Oh, Ness, please.

- Please what?

Don't give me this bullshit.

What were you expecting from a fucking app?

- I can't believe what happened last night.

He turned out to be such a small man.

- What is this a lecture now?

- You know what?

I don't have time for this shit.

- Okay, okay.

Stop.

I'm sorry.

- So worried about what even the bartender thinks,

what am I not hot enough for his precious image?

- I called you because I needed a friend.

I don't wanna fight about this, please.

- Okay?

- When someone you love plays with your feelings,

that's just sick manipulation.

Was he trying to trick me into feeling for him

with stories about his dead father?

- I just feel so stupid, you know?

- Why?

- She ended up being some psycho that I blocked a month ago.

- Well, that's fucked up.

- Yeah.

- Big deal, his father wasn't proud of him.

Get over it.

Oh, poor little Dillan,

daddy isn't proud.

Daddy, doesn't like the guitar.

- Dillan, I'm your friend,

and I love you.

You need to understand something,

real people, it's not here in an app.

- I know I wasn't completely honest

when I posted pictures of that other woman.

- It's in here,

in your heart.

- I know, I know it might sound corny,

but it's not, it's true.

- Yeah, maybe you're right.

- Thank you. - Of course.

- But when we connected,

that was the real me.

I blindly gave myself to him with complete trust.

What does he do with that?

He lies and tricks me into falling in love with him.

Meanwhile, the whole time he only wanted her.

- Dillan, don't do that, please.

- He has no idea what it feels like to be rejected.

He has no idea what real suffering is.

- Dillan?

come on!

- He has what it feels like

when someone gives you hope,

and makes you believe that you're really worth it,

when you're not.

Hope.

You really gave me hope.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

- I find you utterly fucking repulsive.

I fucking skeeve you.

- Look it's Pam.

Where's Sam?

I never see them apart.

Did he dump her too?

And these motherfuckers always seem to get away with that.

Don't worry, Pam,

I'm not gonna let that happen.

- Hey pal.

Why so grim?

Ooh, let me guess,

bad date with the phone girl?

- She's a psycho. - I'm psycho.

- Anyway, I don't really wanna talk about it.

How about we talk about something

a little bit more interesting?

- Why, what are you so happy about?

- Well, my friend, it's not exactly what I'm so happy about,

but what are you so happy about?

- No.

Yeah.

- Dude?

Don't fuck with me, please.

- I'm not fucking with you, man,

you did it.

The integration process went off without a hitch.

- Oh, my God.

- Laugh, laugh, laugh.

- I told you to focus on work.

- It fucking worked.

- Off course, it did.

- Well, I was hoping to be the first one

to break the big the big news,

but I guess I'm a little late.

- Dillan. - Yeah.

- Jack would like to see you in the board room.

- Yeah.

- Shit!

- Hi sir.

- Hey, please have a seat - Yeah, sure.

- Well, I wanted to let you know

that the board's carving out something

that I think you're gonna be very happy with.

Dillan, I wish your father was here to see you now,

he'd be very proud.

- Thank you, sir.

I wish he were here too.

- Oh, please, call me Jack,

but he used to talk quite a bit about

how proud he was of you.

- Really, I always thought I just disappointed him.

- Well, yeah, Tom was tough,

but oh man, he used to tell me stories

about how the cops would have to come to your house

'cause the band was playing too loud, huh?

We'd laugh our asses off,

talking about you,

and all the stunts that you'd pull.

You were something, huh?

Geez!

- Yeah God, I just always thought I pissed him off.

- He was very proud of you.

You're a lot like him, you know.

He always used to say that he hoped

that one day you'd understand why he was so hard on you.

- It was his biggest fear, really.

- I wish I knew that side of him.

- Dillan, you are that side of him.

- Yeah.

Thanks again, Jack.

- Don't think me son,

you earned it.

- Oh my God.

I am so happy you came over for dinner tonight.

I'm so glad you changed your mind.

- Me too.

And you look gorgeous by the way.

- Really, I look gorgeous?

- Really, I look gorgeous?

- You do.

- Thank you, it's a new dress.

- Thank you, this is a new dress.

- Well, it suits you.

- I am so happy you came over for dinner tonight.

I'm really glad you changed your mind.

I always knew this was fate.

- By the way, this food is incredible.

- You love it. - I love it.

- You love it?

It's duck.

It's my first time making it.

- My friend knows the chef,

and she recommended it to me.

- My friend Pam,

she's the one who recommended it for tonight's dinner.

- Do you not like your dinner?

You hardly touched it.

I thought you like dark meat,

just like that whore in the street.

Look at what my friends sent me.

He made it himself.

Have you ever heard of Rohypnol?

This stuff is like five times stronger.

Wanna try some?

- Yes, so I met this girl, right, online.

- A little in my wine.

- So you think you're like,

you've found a great match.

Try it.

- So I meet her at a bar,

and I'm thinking I'm gonna meet the woman of my dreams.

- I said try it!

- And then I get to meeting this girl,

and she catfished me.

- Oh my gosh. - This has to be mistake.

I thought I was dreaming.

I think she said, "Yeah, I'm the one you're waiting for."

I couldn't believe it.

I was like.

- Fucking hate you!

I hate you.

- So when I was teaching my yoga class the other day.

- Ah, is there any messages?

- No messages, but I did get this envelope.

Do you know who this is? - Dillan, yeah, yeah,

that's my best friend.

Yeah, I'll make sure he gets it.

Thanks.

- Anyway, when I teach my yoga classes.

That midget had been in the back row all week.

It's open.

- Bro, you are ready for the big launch today?

- As ready as I'll ever, man.

- Cool, lady at the front desk asked me to give this to you.

I don't know what it is.

Apparently, it's urgent.

- Yep, thanks.

- So you're out there, bro. - Yeah.

- Lang Holding, here we go, again.

Fuck you, Alexis.

- Yeah.

Yeah, big day, launch. very excited.

- Prepare to be penetrated.

Fucking ruin your life.

You cock-sucking asshole.

- The 12th, I'll be there.

No problem.

You need me to come up?

Yeah.

- Get him up.

Get him up! - What's going on?

- You know what's going on?

- Fuck, it's all locked up.

- Pull the goddamn plug,

shut the fucking thing down.

- It doesn't work like that, Jack.

- What did you do? - What the fuck did you do?

- What's goin' on? - I wanna the entire,

what did you do? - The entire server

is crashing.

It's all gone, man.

It's going,

- What happened?

- Who's laughing now?

Are you making daddy proud?

- You're finished here, all right?

- What is going on? - Is he proud now?

- What is this?

- That was in a package, Kyle, brought me this morning.

- What package?

What is it? - Jesus Christ,

it might have a virus or a fucking Trojan horse on it.

- Shit!

Get that downstairs.

Have it checked out.

I wanna know what damage has been done.

- I told you to have your shit dialed in, damn it, focus!

- And you, you little piece of shit, you're fired.

- Jack? - I want him escorted out

of the building.

- Jack, I swear, - Jack?

- I had nothing to do with this.

- Jack! - You fucking,

you're going down, man. - Jack, Jack, come on, Jack.

- You know what you did. - Jack?

- You know what you did.

You're lucky if you don't end up in jail, son.

Your father is rolling over in his fucking grave.

- Don't you dare talk about my father.

You hear me, jack.

I will fucking kill you. - If only your father

could see you now!

I will fucking kill you, Jack. - Get him out of here.

- Fuck you, fuck you, Jack. - Get him out!

Sorry, Tom.

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Okay, all right.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Okay, okay, okay.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on, pick up.

Hey bro, I can't believe

what fucking just happened in there.

Look, just call me back when you got a second, all right?

- Tell Jack, I'm sorry.

Oh my God.

I'm sorry bro.

Talk to me bro.

- Everything's going crazy around here.

- Okay, did you hear anything yet?

- Look, as far as, whatever the hell, this thing is,

it literally shut down the entire mainframe.

We can't get anything.

- Holy fuck.

- And as far as the source,

there's nothing, absolutely nothing.

Whoever did this just fucked us all together.

- So you believe me?

Oh Christ, man, I know I shouldn't have blown up

on Jack like that, man.

- Jack?

You're worried about Jack right now.

Dillan, as your best friend,

get your head out of your ass.

They're talking about prosecution here, man.

Do you wanna go to jail?

Because I don't.

- Let me know if you find anything out.

- Is everything okay? - I need a shot.

- Of course.

- Another.

Another.

- What? - Another.

- Come on.

Please, tell me what's going on?

- Another. - You know what?

That's it.

I'm sorry.

You can't do this.

Look at the time,

I just opened it and you're drinking like this.

I don't get it.

Please, tell me what's going on.

- What do you care, okay?

- Can I have another shot, please?

- Don't be an asshole,

or I'll throw you the fuck out of here, okay?

And you know I will.

- I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry.

I just lost my job.

- Wait, what?

That's impossible.

I mean, it's your dad's company.

What are you talking about?

- You know, I actually I have no idea what happened,

but I gotta hit the head.

I'll tell you about it when I get back.

Just one more and a vodka soda, please.

- Yeah, I'm out of soda.

- Surprise me.

- Okay, but that's it after this.

Hi there.

How can I help you?

- Just a water.

I'm meeting my friend.

He lost his job today.

- Your friend? - Mm-hmm.

- Who are you? - I'm Stacy.

- So Stacy, how do you know Dillan?

- We met in a coffee shop one afternoon.

He was watching me code.

liked my work,

came over and started talking to me.

- Is that right?

- Yeah, actually we really hit it off.

- Well, good for you.

- On second thought,

I'll take a vodka soda.

- Well, I'm out of soda,

so I will have to go to the back and grab some,

if that's okay. - No problem.

- Oh, all right.

- Bye bitch, take your fucking time.

Nope.

Isn't this just fucking perfect.

- Just wait.

- Are you following me again?

- Yes, but can you just give me one second

before you freak out? - Yes.

- Listen, I came here today to apologize to you.

I'm really sorry.

I was totally crazy,

and you didn't deserve that.

I'm so sorry.

- I got fired today.

- Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

- Yeah, me too.

- Truce?

- Yeah, truce.

- What's wrong?

Are you all right?

A little too much to drink.

- You see my phone?

- Oh, I haven't seen it anywhere.

Are you sure you didn't leave it in the car?

- I didn't leave it in the car.

I left it right here on the bar.

- I don't know,

I don't see anything

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm just.

Wow, you know, you really are fucking repulsive.

I know, baby.

- Come on, come on. - Oh sit.

Oh, where's my phone.

Come on.

- Where is my phone? - Let's get you out of here.

- Oh my God.

- Come on big guy, the party is over.

- Oh, no, the party is just beginning in here.

We let this go too far

You really left a scar

The silence is my hell

I hope you're

- Can you call him,

Can you get him on he line?

- No.

- He'll probably call back.

Hey, you need to do it, okay.

So who the fuck did it?

It's like deaf into the wind

There's a sadness

- We're on the same fucking team.

Stop pointing at me with your fucking glasses, goddamn it!

- Well, it's the end of the line.

Well. It's the end of the line.

There's no oxygen in there.

So I suffocate

With your tears as you watch me wait

- Will you fucking get out of here, Captain Underpants.

- Just get the fuck out of here, right?

Just to say

Something kind oh to me

Something kind oh to me

Just one word was all I need

- Don't be scared.

I'm sorry, are you trying to say something?

- What are you gonna do to me?

- Not what I'm going to do to you,

but what I'm already doing.

- You fucking, bitch!

That was you?

- Correction, present tense, Dillan.

Present.

Do you know why they call the now the present?

- What the fuck are you talking about?

- Answer the question?

Do you know why they call the now the present?

- I don't know, why?

- Because the present is a gift.

What kind of gift do you think I have for you?

- I don't want any gifts.

I don't deserve any presents.

But I assure you.

You do.

You are going to get exactly what you deserve.

- Look, man, please.

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry.

That's my phone.

Wait, you stole my phone?

- Oops.

Yes, I stole it and cracked it.

So interesting what you can find on someone's phone.

Is this what you want?

Is this why we can't be together?

- We're just friends, I swear.

Yeah, sure you are.

I know you've been fucking her!

You've been fucking her the entire time

you were talking to me.

You lying, cheating bastard.

- What?

I've known Vanessa since elementary school.

- Don't you say her name!

Huh, speak of the devil.

Hey Dillan, are you okay?

Did you leave with that girl?

Please, let me know what's going on.

Call me.

Actually, I don't care about that fucking bitch.

What really interests me are these other messages?

- Kyle

- Hey bro, we found the source of the hack.

Jack knows it wasn't you.

Come back in. - You fucking bitch!

- But wait, there's more.

Hey brother, why haven't you answered?

Is everything okay?

I'm starting to worry.

Oh, he's worrying.

- Fuck you!

- And then there's a bunch of voicemails, blah, blah, blah.

Too bad, so sad.

So sorry.

- Fuck you!

Why are you doing this to me?

- Why?

Why?

You tell me why?

Why is it that men never know why?

Is it because they're just dumb,

or are they pretending to be dumb,

or are they just trying to make us think

that we're crazy,

or are they that disconnected from reality?

Why?

Are you crying?

You don't get to cry.

- I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry.

- What? - I'm sorry.

- You're sorry?

You're sorry.

Sorry for what?

sorry for what?

- I'm sorry about everything, okay?

- Ugh, pathetic!

You're not even a real man.

Pathetic, sad, repulsive, Dillan.

- I'll kill you.

I'll kill you!

I'll fucking kill you, you understand?

I will kill you,

you sick bitch!

How many times will you let somebody put you down

And make you frown

About your life

How many times will you let somebody show disrespect

Without any regret for making you upset

And when you think you've had enough

You solve your problems with a butchered knife

You pull their hair and cut their throat

Just go left to right

And say good night problem solved

The devil made me do it

It's not gonna fly

The devil made me do it

It's not gonna fly

And I can see right through you

Even when you lie

What do really want to

What's going on inside

Yeah

We're gonna live here forever

No, we'll never run out of time

Do you wanna feel the kiss of the angels

While you'e swimming in like a fire

Do you wanna live like this forever

Never, never, never, never be afraid

Of what you find in your mind

Do you wanna feel the kiss of the angels

The devil made me do it

It's not gonna fly

The devil made me do it

It's not gonna fly

The mirror's laughing at you

The way you fake a smile

The lies that they are telling you

Makes you feel inside

Yeah

We're gonna live forever

No, we never really die

Don't you wanna feel

The kiss from the angels

While you'e swimming in like a fire

Do you wanna live like this forever

Never, never never, never, never

Be afraid of what you find in your mind

Do you wanna feel the kiss of the angel