Original subtitles

Girls. Girls.

Girls, come on.

Girls, let's get on with the meeting.

But, Madam President, Marion hasn't finished

her story about Jim and Dorothy Winn.

It is not our concern if Jim and Dorothy Winn

had a knockdown, drag-out fight.

This is the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League.

We do not meet to gossip.

Since when?

Girls, girls.

Oh, yes.

Is there any unfinished business?

The chair recognizes Lucy Ricardo.

Marion, did Jim really give Dorothy a black eye?

Oh, Lucy.

Lucy.

Well, that was unfinished business.

Oh, sit down.

Well, if there's no more unfinished business,

I have an important announcement to make.

We only have $1. 14 in the treasury,

so I hereby declare

the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League

in a state of emergency.

You can say that again.

We have to get some money in the treasury and we have to get it there fast.

The chair entertains ideas on just how to do this.

The chair recognizes Caroline Appleby.

Well, there's one thing we've never done

and it usually works pretty good.

- What's that? - How about giving a dance?

- A dance! - [Lucy] That's a wonderful idea.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

And I am sure I can get Bill to let us use his lodge hall for nothing.

Oh. And we can decorate it ourselves

and we can all pitch in and make punch.

And we can charge five dollars a couple and make a fortune.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We have forgotten one very important item.

Well, I don't know what.

We got the hall, we got the refreshments, we got the decorations.

What else do you need for a dance?

An orchestra.

Oh, gee, you couldn't get much of an orchestra

for $1. 14, could you?

Maybe we could buy ten kazoos and play them ourselves.

- Oh, that was a good idea. - Isn't that a shame.

Hey! Wait a minute.

We forgot about me.

I'm married to an orchestra.

Oh, but, Lucy, Ricky wouldn't play for us for nothing, would he?

Of course he would. All I'd have to do is ask him.

And you know what he'd say?

Yeah, and I don't want to hear it.

Now, Ethel, you know he'd love to do it.

And listen, if we get them, we can use a Latin-American theme.

Ooh, we can call it "A Night in Havana."

With those hats and cucarachas...

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Shh.

Hello, dear.

Hi. Yeah, the meeting's going on right now, dear.

That's what I called you about.

Listen, the girls are going to give a big benefit dance.

Well, the benefit is for us.

Yeah. Yeah, well, so I told the girls that you'd be glad

to play for us for nothing.

Yeah, well, goodbye, dear.

Where do we go to get the kazoos?

Well, that was a nice idea.

Now what will we do to raise money?

Gosh, I didn't think he'd do it, though.

Wait a minute.

Why can't we form our own orchestra?

Ethel, you play the piano, don't you?

- A little. - I can fool around on the drums.

And Neeva Summer plays the violin.

And Marie Deemo plays the trumpet.

Well, we all play something, so why not?

Oh, do you really think we could form our own orchestra?

Sure, we could.

We're in great shape.

Uh, nobody mentioned it, but I just take for granted

that you want me to be star soloist on my saxophone.

Well, the orchestra idea's out.

- Now, Ethel. - Any other ideas

on how to raise some money?

Listen, you haven't even heard them play and you want them in the orchestra.

- Why don't you want me? - I've heard you play.

Well, thanks.

I've never heard her. How does she play, Ethel?

When Lucy plays the saxophone,

it sounds like a moose with a head cold.

I heard her play "Glow Worm" once

and no way...

Now, listen, just for that I wouldn't be in your orchestra

if you begged me.

Ah, you really mean that, Lucy?

Yes, I do.

Good. Now, if you'll get all your instruments

and come up to my apartment...

Hi, Rick.

Hi, Fred.

Here's the lightbulb you wanted for your bathroom.

I was wondering how you stood Ethel's piano playing.

I said, I was wondering how you stood Ethel's piano playing!

Yeah, ain't that awful?

She's been going at it since 8:00 this morning.

You know, I may have to soundproof this whole darn building.

That orchestra they're forming is liable to set music back 50 years.

Well, she stopped.

She stopped.

Good. Maybe the piano lid fell on her fingers.

Boy, you ought to be glad Lucy's not practicing

on that saxophone of hers.

Yeah, and I don't get it. But I'd be a fool to ask.

Yeah, well, I can tell you why.

The other girls don't want her in the band.

- Oh, that's it, huh? - Yeah.

Oh, hi, Fred.

Hi, Lucy.

I heard your wife practicing on the piano.

Yeah, you and everybody else in the neighborhood. I hope it didn't bother you.

Oh, no, it didn't bother me a bit. I like it.

You're bighearted, considering Ethel helped kick you out of the band.

Well, yes, I am bighearted.

I even lent her our piano.

Besides, I'm back in the band.

Oh, Ethel didn't tell me that.

She doesn't know it yet.

- What do you mean, Lucy? - Well, I have a plan,

and all I need is the help

of my dear, sweet, orchestra-leader husband.

I knew I should not ask.

Now, Ricky, listen to me.

Hey, you should have told me about these before.

They work great. I can't hear a word she's saying.

- Now, Ricky, you stop that. - Now, Lucy...

Now, the least you can do is listen to my plan.

Oh, well, I guess I might as well listen

to whatever it is I'm not going to do.

Look, all you have to do

is rehearse our orchestra for one or two twiddly little hours.

Nothing doing. Not me.

But, honey, you just have to.

I can make a deal with them.

They get to work with a famous conductor and I get to be in the band.

Well, you just deal me out of your deal.

Oh, now, Ricky, please.

Nothing doing.

Honey, now I'm not asking very much...

What do you mean?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Hold it. Hold it, will you? Hold it!

Now, listen, kids.

I've known both of you for 13 years

and I've seen and listened to a lot of discussions.

So?

Now you're going to harangue about this, aren't you, Lucy?

Yes, I am.

And you're going to nag him.

Well, yes.

And if that don't work, you're going to wheedle.

Probably.

You might even cry.

If all else fails.

And eventually, Ricky, you're going to give in.

Oh, I don't know.

- Not necessarily. - Oh, you always do.

Now why don't you save the wear and tear on your nerves,

to say nothing of my nerves.

Why don't you do what she wants?

Yeah.

You know something? I think you're right.

Good.

Thanks, Fred, for saving me so much trouble.

That's all right.

Honey, you can rehearse us tomorrow afternoon.

I'll go practice on my saxophone.

Saxophone...

Give me those!

- Now come on, Fred, you had them all day. - Get your own set.

- - That's it.

- -

That's it, that's it. Jane?

- -

Ah, I knew you had one there someplace.

Now... now, we're all tuned up.

Let's start.

One...

two...

[Ethel] Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

"Twelfth Street Rag" never sounded like that before.

Oh, is that what it was?

- Oh, hi, Lucy. - Hi, Lucy.

Well, if it isn't Ethel Mertz

and her makes-you-want-to-stick- your-fingers-in-your-ears music.

Oh, come on, now, no use being sore

just 'cause we won't let you play with the orchestra.

Yeah, it's just sour grapes.

Listen, grapes aren't the only thing that's sour around here.

- You know what you need, don't you? - What?

You need a professional orchestra leader to help you.

And out of the goodness of my heart,

I have arranged for Ricky to come over here and help you out.

Really, Lucy?

Oh, that's wonderful.

I'll go and get him right now.

Oh!

[Marion] Oh!

Oh, boy!

Now I know the newspapers will give us a lot of space.

Look out for a trick.

Oh, Ethel Mertz, I'm surprised at you.

I think it's very nice of Lucy to get Ricky

to come down here and help us,

especially when we're not going to let her be in our orchestra.

Listen, I know that redhead,

and I still say look out for a trick.

Oh, this will make a wonderful publicity spread.

Listen, I'm going to run down and tell the paper. See you all later!

Bye, Marion.

- Maybe we'd better start this again. - Yeah.

I think with a little more practice...

Where will I sit?

I told you to look out for a trick.

To get Ricky, we have to take her.

Now, listen, Ethel, from the way this group sounded a minute ago,

one more bum note isn't gonna hurt it.

- You know, she's got a point there. - Well, okay.

Where will I sit?

Anywhere at all.

Give me my music.

I'm looking for it.

I didn't know we were going to have a saxophone.

Oh.

- [Ethel] Try to get that just the way... - Hi, girls.

Oh, hi, dear.

I think you know the girls, don't you?

- Remember Marie? - Yeah, sure.

- Jane Beebo. - Hello. How are you?

Oh, Ricky, it's so nice of you to come down

and help us like this.

Yeah, well, yeah, I like to help the women's clubs

as much as I can, you know.

- Oh. -

Uh, what are you rehearsing?

"Twelfth Street Rag."

Oh, "Twelfth Street Rag." Well, that's a nice, bright tune.

- Yeah. - Shall we take it from the top?

Yeah!

Okay, I'll give you the tempo, huh?

- All right. - It's right about... Right in here, see?

- All right, okay. - Right about this tempo.

Okay? Here we go.

One, two...

Girls, girls, girls.

Girls!

- [Ricky] Please. - What's the matter?

This is supposed to be bright

- and with a bounce. - That's right.

It sounds more like a funeral coming down 12th Street.

- Oh, now, Ricky... - Aw...

Look, this is the way it's supposed to go.

- - Right in here, see?

Oh!

- We can do that. - Sure.

- Okay? - Sure.

- All right, I'll give you two. - Uh-huh.

- - One, two...

Wait, wait, wait.

- Wait, wait, wait. -

Wait...

Lucy, I think you were playing the wrong note.

I am?

Well, it's kind of hard to tell, but I think it was you, yeah.

Now, can we all take, uh ...

Let's see, the-the first note in the third bar.

- Huh? - [Ethel] Okay.

At the same time. Now, wait a minute. Are you ready?

Everybody together.

Here we go.

See, it wasn't me.

- Lucy... - What?

Are you playing an F sharp?

Well, I'm not sure.

What do you mean, you're not sure?

Well, are you talking about the fat, little, white note

or the black one with the wiggly tail?

The black one with the wiggly tail.

Oh.

Well, what about it?

Is it an F or an F sharp?

Oh.

How can you tell?

If it's an F sharp, it has a little sign by it.

Oh, you mean the lopsided tic-tac-toe?

Ay, que barbaridad... lopsided tic-tac-toe.

Yeah, that's an F sharp.

Oh, well, live and learn.

I'm sorry. I'll do it right next time.

"F" sharp, oh.

All right, now, let's take it all together, huh?

Try to get this a little more like he wants it.

I tell you what, look, look. I got an idea.

You take the first bar on the piano, Ethel.

And then you come in the second bar on the violin.

Lucy, you come in the third bar

and then you finish it, Carolyn, all right?

- Yeah. - Sort of an arrangement.

Yeah, yeah.

Here we go.

One, two...

Ah, we did it!

Girls, please!

Girls, please, don't stop!

But we were so good.

Yeah, I know, you were wonderful,

but let's, uh, let's try to do the whole number once,

all the way to the end,

- just once. - Yeah.

Even if it kills us...

and it probably will.

Let's go. From the top, everybody.

One, two...

- Hey! - Oh!

Yeah!

- Oh! - Oh, wonderful!

Now, girls, you heard that,

- my boys-- the way that my boys played. - Yeah.

Now, that's the way that it's supposed to sound.

- Okay. - Oh, sure!

- You think you got it now? - [Ethel] Oh, sure!

Okay, let them try once, huh?

[Ethel] Okay.

- Okay. - All right, girls.

You go back and you try it again.

[Ethel] Oh, that was good.

Oh, boy.

[Ethel] Oh, it makes you want to play it right, doesn't it?

- - Okay.

[Ethel] Oh, boy.

All right.

Now, let me hear it just that way, now.

- [Ethel] Yes, sir. - Okay, I'll give you two.

One, two...

- Choo! - Lucy...

Yeah... oh.

Honey, I forgot.

I promise, I will never hum, whistle, sing or reproduce

in any manner "Twelfth Street Rag" in your presence as long as I live.

Good.

- Hello. - Lucy? Thank goodness, you're still alive.

What?

Has Ricky read the morning paper yet?

Yeah. Why?

Has he seen the last page?

No. Why?

Don't let him. Grab it.

Kick it out of his hand or something.

What's the matter?

There's a big picture of Ricky on the last page

and an article, from which I quote,

"Ricky Ricardo, well-known entertainer

"has formed a brand-new, all-girl orchestra

and will have its world premiere..."

Oh, no.

- What's the matter? - What's the matter?

- What's the matter? - What's the mat... Oh, yeah.

- I'll tell you what's the matter. - Well?

Uh... I know.

Um, Ethel just told me about a-a sale on a dress

that I paid full price for yesterday downtown. Let me see the paper.

Wait a minute. I'm reading about the fights.

Uh...

"Continued on the back page."

Uh, I can't wait!

This is just terrible. They can't do a thing like that to me.

I don't have enough money to spend and they made me pay full price for it!

Lucy!

- Yeah? - You bring that paper back here right now.

Okay.

It wasn't the same dress after all.

Lucy!

Yes, sir?

Oh, you got your picture in the paper.

It isn't a very good likeness.

- Lucy... - Yes, sir?

Somebody opened a hole in this paper.

Why, so they did.

Did you do it?

Oh, honey, you know, I wouldn't open a hole in your paper

when I know you haven't even read it.

Well, if you didn't do it, and I didn't do it

who dood it?

Maybe it was a mouse.

- A redheaded mouse? - Well...

- Hey, Rick. - Hi, Fred.

I was reading about the fights in this paper of mine

and I find that half the back page is cut out.

Let me have a look at yours, will you?

Yours, too?

Well, what do you make of this?

That mouse sure gets around, doesn't he?

I don't know about the mouse, but I can sure smell a rat.

Fred, would you like to get your coat

and take a stroll down to the corner news stand with me?

I will.

We'll find out what's cooking around here.

Ethel, come over and take care of Little Ricky right away. It's an emergency.

Thanks!

Well, I spoke to Ethel about that paper before I went in to see you,

but she just played dumb...

which wasn't too hard for her to do.

Well, we'll find out now what's going on.

What is this?

I don't know.

They're all the same.

You don't suppose it's some kind of an ad, do you?

No.

Look, I want to find out what was... what's been cut out of this paper.

I'll tell you what, let's go down next block.

- There's another news stand down there. - All right.

Oh, I think that's the afternoon edition.

Paper! Paper!

Get your morning paper!

Get your morning paper!

Read all about it!

Do you want a paper?

Oh, now, Ricky, calm down.

Calm down? Have you read this thing?

Oh, yeah, but it wasn't Lucy's fault.

Marion Strong put that in the paper.

It was Lucy's fault for getting me involved in this thing

at the very beginning. Well, I won't do it.

Oh, Marion called up and said they'd sold hundreds of tickets

ever since that article appeared.

Well, I don't care.

I am not going to be publicly responsible

for your sour sextet.

Hello.

Yeah.

What?

Good news, dear?

- That was my agent. - [Lucy] Oh?

- Yes. And he read the paper. - Yeah.

In the paper, he read that I was going to appear

with an all-girl orchestra,

and he thinks that that is a wonderful idea.

So, he has arranged it with a television station

to put it on TV.

TV? Oh...

Oh, TV.

Oh. Oh, TV.

Somebody better think of a way out of this

if she wants to keep her pretty, little neck in one piece.

And think fast.

Well, we sold all the tickets. This place is jammed.

I know, but do you think it'll work?

We'll find out right now.

- I'll make the announcement. - [Ethel] Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League takes pride

in presenting Mr. Ricky Ricardo and his all-girl orchestra.