Original subtitles

Westinghouse, first with the future...

presents...

The Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show

with special guest star Bob Cummings,

and, of course, Vivian Vance, William Frawley, and Little Ricky.

All aboard Flight 7,

westbound Super Sky Chief straddler.

If these are overweight, Ethel, you'll have to pay the extra charges.

Oh, isn't it enough that I had to cash in my Christmas savings club

and sell my green stamps at a discount in order to buy my own ticket?

You mean to tell me that he made you pay for your own ticket?

Look, Rick, you run your family and I'll run mine.

Don't get me wrong, man.

If you can get away it, you can run both families.

Speaking of families, where's mine?

Lucy went with her mother to buy Little Ricky an ice-cream bar.

Oh. Well, we'd better go and check the luggage, hey?

Give us a hand, Ethel.

There's a red cap.

Well, duck. Maybe he won't see us.

- Oh, honestly! -

Pioneer Airways Flight 10

departing at Gate 5 for Philadelphia...

Here we are. We'll wait for Daddy right here, honey.

Sit right down here on Mommy's lap.

Oh, are you going to be a good boy and mind Grandma while were gone?

- Yes, Mommy. - Mmm.

Don't you worry about us.

- Whew! That's over with. - [Fred] Yeah.

How'd you do with the luggage, Fred? Any overweight?

Just got in under the wire.

It's a good thing they didn't put him on the scale.

He'd certainly be overweight with that new money belt he's got on.

Does the whole world have to know I've got a fortune on me?

Oh, relax, Fred.

I'm sure the world has other things to worry about.

Hey, wait till you take a look at this front page of Variety.

Oh!

"Cashing in on the Oriental yen for Latin music,

Ricky Ricardo skies out today to fulfill bookings

on a two-week personal appearance tour in and around Tokyo.

While there, Ricardo and his band manager, Fred Mertz,

will also scout Japanese talent for a future show

at Ricardo's club, Babalu, here in Manhattan."

Hmm.

National Airlines jet Flight 1,

nonstop to San Francisco now boarding at Gate 6.

- That's us! - That's us!

- Oh, we're going to go! - We have to go.

Bye, Little Ricky. You be a good boy now, won't you, doll?

- Goodbye, Mother. - Goodbye, partner.

Ah, now, you be a real good boy, huh?

And you take good care of him, Mother, won't you?

And, Lucy, don't you forget to bring back

the you-know-what-you've-always-wanted.

Yeah, I'll try, Mom.

Uh...

What's the, uh, you-know-what that she knew you always wanted?

A string of real Oriental pearls, that's what.

Oh?

Well, you know who's not going to get

the you-know-what's that she's always wanted?

- Why not? - Now, look, Mother,

it's costing me enough to take her all the way to Japan with us.

But real pearls are much less expensive in Japan.

Now, what is wrong with these things that she's wearing?

Oh, honey, these things cost $2.98 in Macy's basement.

- Well, that's 'spensive enough. - "Spensive"!

These pearls are an insult to oysters everywhere.

- They look beautiful to me. - Oh.

Will you hurry up? That jet'll be there before we get on.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Come on. - Bye-bye, sweetheart.

Now, now, Lucy, don't give up on the pearls.

- I won't, dear. - Goodbye, Micky.

Ricky, Mother. Ricky.

Bye.

Bye!

[Ricky] Bye!

Bye-bye!

Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!

Oh!

Please, please, take shoe offs.

- Huh? - Oh. Oh, of course.

Everyone in Japan has to take their shoes off before entering a room.

Well, if you ask me, this country has pretty crazy customs.

- I can't get 'em off. - Come on, come on, pull 'em hard.

Oh.

- Come on, Fred. - I did it.

The rest of your luggage will come here very soon.

Oh, thank you very much.

- Now, here's a-- - Oh, no, thank you.

In Japan is no tipping.

On second thought, this country has some very sensible customs.

Oh, my! What a charming room.

- It certainly is. -

But where do you sit?

On the floor, of course.

Everyone in Japan sits on the floor.

Oh.

How come you know so much about Japan?

I sat through Sayonara twice.

Your room is through here.

- Oh, thank you. - Thank you.

Oh, it's beautiful! Oh!

Well, I'll tell you one thing, Ethel.

You're not going to get me in any bathtub

with a lot of lilies and goldfish floating around in it.

This is not to take a bath.

That is a fish pond.

It is for decoration.

- Bathtub is in there. - Oh.

I see.

What a hick.

- Oh. - This is bathtub.

- [Ricky] Oh. - Bathtub in the living room?

I'll have about as much privacy as those goldfish.

Hurry up and get unpacked, Ethel.

I've got an awful lot of sightseeing I want to do.

I want to go to Mount Fujiyama

and the deer park, and the emperor's palace

and one of those geisha houses.

Oh, excuse me, but I think you make mistake.

- How's that? - You see,

geisha house is where beautiful Japanese girls entertain

by singing and dancing.

- Oh, yeah. Sounds like fun. - Yeah.

Oh, it is much fun, but only for men.

Women are not allowed in geisha house.

Oh.

Well, gee, that's, uh, that's too bad, honey.

I think it's a shame that a woman can't go.

It's an even bigger shame that a certain man can't go.

Now, honeybunch, we don't want Ricky to go to the geisha house all alone, do we?

No, we certainly don't.

So that's settled. Nobody's going.

I'm so sorry.

Sister, you're not half as sorry as I am.

Oh, come on, Fred.

Hey, uh, pardon me, but where do we sleep?

Oh.

We sleep in the closet?

No. During the day, we keep beds in here.

Oh, sort of a Japanese Murphy bed, huh?

This is not Murphy's bed.

This is yours.

I think maybe Milton Berle slept here.

- What's that? - This is a pillow.

Uh, and we sleep like that, huh?

You will find it very comfortable. Try it.

Go ahead. Try it, honey.

Oye, mira qué tienen costumbre losjaponeses.

That's Spanish for, "It's like sleeping on a cloud."

- Thank you. I'll help you, dear. -

When you and Mr. Mertz get a chance,

would you please go down to the desk with your passports?

Oh, surely.

- Sayonara. - Sayonara.

That means goodbye.

Oh!

- I don't know if I'm going to be able to-- -

You'll be able to, dear.

Oh, fellas, wait till you see this.

- [Ricky chuckling] - Madame Butterfly.

What are you three hyenas laughing at?

Uh, you look like America's answer to Sessue Hayakawa.

Yeah?

Well, you'd better start getting used to it,

because I'm going to be wearing one of these from now on.

Yep. The girl just told us the hotel furnishes a clean one every day,

- free of charge. - Oh. He's gonna use them.

You know, in some respects, these countries are way ahead of us.

Oh, by the way, they want to see us down at the desk with our passports.

Well, let's go.

Fred Mertz, you're not going to parade through the lobby looking like that.

Ethel, are we or are we not in Japan?

Yes we are, Cio-Cio-San.

But if they see you in that outfit, we might be deported.

Ah.

Come on, Rick.

Oh, honestly!

Honey, I'll help you unpack after I get back, huh?

Okay.

Oh, uh...

"Sinoroya."

"Sinoroya."

Gee, Ethel, don't you just love this place?

It's just like a dollhouse.

The furniture and the screens

and all these beautiful floral arrangements.

Gee, everything is so... so Japanese.

Uh-huh.

- Oh, I see you got one of those things. - What's that?

One of these mirrors so you can see if your seams are straight.

Oh, Ethel, you're so American.

That's a dressing table.

- It is? - Yeah.

- Way down there? - Yeah.

Well, how can you use it way down there?

Simple, you just think Oriental.

Now, if you want to check your makeup, you just...

walk over to the mirror,

check your makeup...

That's all there is to it.

Yeah, well.

Go ahead, try it.

Not until I find out if there's a chiropractor in the house.

Gee, you know, I think these paper walls are the most fascinating things of all.

- Wonder if you can hear through 'em. - No, I don't think so.

But just to play safe, you and Fred hadn't better

have any arguments for the next two weeks.

What are you trying to do, break up our marriage?

Say, you don't have to worry about hearing through this one

because you can see through it.

Oh, for heaven's sake. That's got to be fixed.

I certainly wouldn't want the people next door snooping on me.

I sure wouldn't want to snoop on them.

What are you doing?

Everything in this country is either too high or too low.

Now what are you doing?

Testing.

Yep. Yeah, I can see in there, so obviously, someone could see in here.

Call downstairs and have them come up and fix it.

My goodness! There's a man in there.

Pardon me for asking, but who is snooping on whom?

Hang up that phone, Ethel. It's Bob Cummings.

Never mind, operator, it's Bob Cummings.

Bob Cummings!

Get over, get over! Come on, you've already seen--

- Just let me have one look. - Just a minute!

- Come on. - Well, just a minute.

- You always have to have your way. - I didn't get to see him, Lucy.

Just look-- We can both look in here if we just make the hole a little larger.

- Get my nail-- - No, no. Let's tear it.

No, no, Ethel, get my nail file out of the bag.

Why don't you get it?

Listen, if I supply the tools, the least you can do is get 'em.

Now, go on.

Oh, where did he go?

Hurry up, Ethel.

I can't find it.

Oh, dear.

Here, let me take it.

I hope he doesn't get away.

He can't go far.

He was in his kimono.

♪ I'm a Japanese sandman ♪

♪ And I'm gonna make sand ♪

♪ Oh, Mama ♪

♪ Hand me your hand ♪

- Hurry up! -

- Hurry up! - Quiet, Ethel, he'll hear you.

[Ethel] Oh, he can't hear through these walls.

Hi.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Lucy Ricardo.

And I'm Ethel Mertz.

- And-And I'm-- - You're Bob Cummings!

Yeah. Oh, boy, we'd know you anywhere.

- - [Ethel, Lucy chuckling]

Forgive me for not getting up.

Ooh. Oh, that's all right.

Oh, um...

We, uh ...

We're in this next, uh, well ...

I looked up and there was a kind of a little, uh--

Tear in the wallpaper, and-and we were trying to patch it up.

With a nail file?

Nail file?

Oh, by george, this is a nail file!

Ethel, I thought I told you to get me a needle and thread.

Well, never mind. I'll-I'll fix it.

Oh, good.

Well, not right now, I won't. A little later.

Oh.

You know, we're-- we're big fans of yours.

Well, that's nice.

I could use a big fan right now.

By the way, what are you doing here?

Taking a bath.

Oh, no. No, I mean in Japan.

Oh, yes. Well, I-I just arrived.

I'm starting a picture next week.

- [Bob stammers] - Oh!

If you ladies don't mind,

I'd like to finish my bath before I start my picture.

Oh. Oh, of course.

We're terribly sorry.

Well, I guess we'd better be running along.

[Ethel] It's been awful nice meeting you.

[Lucy] Yeah, I'll say.

Well, likewise, I'm sure.

Goodbye.

Bye.

Oh, hi, honey.

Look who we found. Bob Cummings.

- These are our husbands. - Yeah.

Well, welcome to the Knothole Gang.

Hey, we had fun last night, didn't we?

Yeah, we certainly did.

And it was sure nice of Bob to take us sightseeing,

particularly after the way that you popped in on him yesterday.

It's not my fault the Japanese have paper walls.

They're just not practical.

They were before you got here.

Look, if Bob Cummings can forgive me, why can't you?

Aw, honey, if you wanna forgive me,

you don't have get down on your knees and beg.

Who's begging? I'm just trying to get to this silly mirror so I can tie my tie.

What are you and Ethel gonna do today?

Oh, I thought maybe we'd do a little sightseeing,

maybe go to the emperor's palace and mosey around.

Well, for the emperor's sake,

I hope that palace doesn't have paper walls.

[Ethel] Morning.

- [Lucy] Oh, good morning, dear. - [Ricky] Good morning.

How'd you sleep?

Oh, not so good.

Fred kept waking me up all night complaining about pains in his stomach.

- What was the matter? - Was he sick?

He thought he was, but I cured him in a minute.

- How? - I loosened his money belt.

That's what he gets for stuffing himself on the airplane

just 'cause the meals were free.

It wasn't that. Last night he took a bath with it on and it shrunk.

Oh, no.

Won't he even trust you with that money belt when he takes a bath?

Listen, if he won't trust the Chase National Bank,

he certainly isn't going to trust me.

Is he ready?

He went ahead. He said he'd meet you down at rehearsal.

- Oh, come in. - Come in.

- Good morning! - Hi.

- Hello. - We had the best time last night.

We sure did.

- Oh, thank you very much. - [Lucy chuckles]

- How do you like these low mirrors? - Murder.

I know what you mean. This is the only country in the world

where you can get baggy pants just tying your tie.

I, um, I'm assuming that you girls are interested in shopping.

- Oh, yes. - So I just thought I'd show you

- a couple of bargains I got a hold of. - [Lucy gasps]

- [Bob] How do you like them? - Oh, what exquisite pearls!

[Ethel] Oh, I'll say.

I got a wonderful buy on these through a friend who's a dealer, Mr. Osato.

Look at this.

Mr. Cummings, would you mind telling me how much they cost?

Not at all-- $100.

- They're worth $300 in the States. - Oh, I know.

You see, when you-- when you--

What's the matter, Ricky?

I'm just answering Lucy's next question.

Oh, Ricky, please.

I said no pearls.

Oh, honey, honestly!

Listen to me, Ricky, they're only $100.

You'll be saving 200.

No, I won't. I'll be saving $300,

because I won't give you the 100.

Oh, honestly!

You make me so mad.

You know how much I want pearls.

I came all the way to Japan,

and what am I going to have to show for it?

Black-and-blue knees.

- Mr. Cummings, may I have those, please? - Oh, sorry--

Look, Ricky.

Ricky, lookit. Honey, look.

See how much more beautiful real pearls are?

They look exactly the same to me.

Oh!

They may be the same shape and the same size,

but somehow, when you're wearing real pearls,

you feel more glamorous and exciting.

I don't want anybody glamorous and exciting, I want you!

Oh!

- I said no. - Oh!

I don't want to hear one more word about it.

- Of all the stupid customs. - What's the matter?

I walked three blocks before I realized I left my shoes here.

How am I supposed to remember these things?

Why don't you tie a string around your toe?

- Let's go, Rick. -

Bye.

Oh, uh... "sinorama."

Gee, Lucy, I'm awfully sorry.

I didn't mean to bring up a touchy subject.

I didn't realize your husband was so... so...

Go ahead and say it. So cheap.

So cheap.

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Oh, hey, speaking of cheap...

- Look at this. - Oh.

$200 in the States.

One hundred here. Hmm?

Oh, gee, I'd like to have one of those,

but my husband makes her husband look like Diamond Jim Brady.

- Mr. Cummings? - Hmm?

Do you think you could get another string of pearls

from your friend for me?

- Lucy, you hear what Rick-- - Please? Please?

You don't know what this means to me.

All my life, I've dreamed of owning a string of real pearls.

Oh, perhaps I do, Lucy.

We all have our dreams.

I was 26 years old before I got my first pogo stick.

Oh, Mr. Cummings. Please, won't you just try?

All right. I'm going to see my friend in the morning.

- I'll fix it up for you. - Oh, thank you!

Well, I've got to run down and mail these back home.

- I'll see you. Bye. - Bye.

- Uh, Mr. Cummings, would it, uh-- - Yeah?

Would it be all right

if I gave you the money for the pearls in the morning before you leave?

Oh, sure, sure, suit yourself. You bet.

- Fine, what time? - Fine.

Well, why don't you drop in to my room around 10:30?

Good.

Uh, through the door, not the wall.

Oh, of course.

- Oh, Mr. Cummings. - Yeah?

Please, don't tell Ricky about this.

I want it to be a surprise.

- A surprise. - Yeah.

Well, I think you'll surprise him, all right.

Bye.

Just where do you think you're going to get $100?

Two hundred, Ethel.

Two hundred?

Lucy, you'd better put your shoes back on.

You're beginning to think with your feet.

Don't worry. I have a plan.

I get hold of $200.

With 100, I buy the pearls.

With the other 100, I buy a camera.

When I get back to the States,

I sell the camera for $200,

and I have the pearls for free.

How does that sound?

Fine, except for one flaw.

- Oh, what's that? - Where do you expect

to get your hands on $200 in the first place?

Let's see. Who do I know in Japan that has $200?

Well, there's always the emperor.

I understand he's loaded.

Very good, Ethel. I just don't happen to know the gentleman.

What about Fred?

You'd have a better chance with the emperor.

Maybe I could talk to Fred and ask him--

Save your breath.

He only opens that money belt in extreme emergencies,

and there hasn't been an extreme emergency since he bought the belt.

Ooh. Well, then,

chances are, he won't open it until he gets back home.

Right.

Perfect.

Perfect...

I could sort of borrow $200 from Fred's money belt without his knowing it,

buy the pearls and the camera,

sell the camera when I get home, replace the money,

and no one would be the wiser.

Lucy, Houdini in his prime couldn't open that belt.

So how do you expect to do it?

Well, I don't.

At least not by myself.

I-- I had someone in mind to help.

Someone we all know and love.

Well, sayonara.

And as you well know, that means goodbye.

I don't want to force you, Ethel,

but if Fred should happen to find out

that besides using your Christmas savings to pay for your trip,

you, uh, also pawned the family silver...

You wouldn't!

Now, here's what we're going to do.

Tonight, around midnight, when Fred is sound asleep...

Lucy? Come on, he's asleep.

First, we have to turn him over.

Why?

Because the money's in the front.

Why'd you let him fall asleep on his stomach?

He always does.

If you had a big soft stomach like that,

you'd sleep on it, too.

- We got to turn him over? - Yeah. I'll go towards you.

Okay, let me get a grip.

Okay, Ethel, get the money.

Me?

He's not going to find my fingerprints on his money belt.

Isn't that beautiful?

Before the bank closes, can I give you some?

No!

Put that back. Put that back.

Close it up and get out of here.

All right, all right.

Hurry up.

Yeah, yeah. Go on, go on.

- Good night. - Good night.

What was that?

What was what?

[Fred] I thought I heard a noise.

[Ethel] What kind of a noise?

Oh, Fred, come on. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep.

- I must have been dreaming. - Yeah, you were dreaming.

Thanks very much, Mr. Cummings.

I sure appreciate it.

[Bob] You're welcome, Lucy. Glad to help you out.

Ethel?

- Ethel! - [Ethel] Yeah?

Come here.

- You got 'em! - Yeah.

- Oh, they're beautiful! - Thank you.

- Where you gonna hide 'em? - I'm not. I'm gonna wear 'em.

In front of Ricky?

Sure. He'll never know the difference.

Yes, he will.

Honey, you were right here in the room when he said

he couldn't tell the difference between my cheap pearls and the ones Bob had.

That's just an excuse.

Anybody can tell the difference between real pearls and phonies.

Oh.

Well, all right.

You're so smart, Ethel.

All right, my dear.

It's amazing. They do look alike!

To the layman, yes.

But to a pearl connoisseur like myself,

it's very easy to tell the difference.

There you are, Ethel. A little present for you.

I won't be needing my cheap pearls any longer.

What makes you think I'd wear cheap pearls?

Oh, well, all right. If you don't want 'em--

I'll take them.

I'll swallow my pride.

Swallow? You gulped it.

Listen, don't let Fred see those until we get back home,

and the whole plan is completed.

- Oh, I won't. - Okay.

Did you get the camera?

No. I'm getting it this afternoon.

Just what I've always wanted.

Genuine phony pearls.

- - Is that you, Fred?

[Fred] Yes, that's me, Fred.

Wouldn't you think in the biggest city in the world,

I could find a new money belt?

- A new money belt? - Yes.

Well, what's the matter with your old one?

Well, it shrunk so much, I-- I can hardly breathe.

That's what you get for wearing it in the bathtub.

Okay. All right.

Who said, "Fred Mertz, don't wear your money belt in the bathtub"?

- Who said that? - You did.

Then why did you go ahead and do it?

Ethel, you haven't been right in 25 years.

How did I know that this was gonna be the first time?

Oh!

Fred, where are you going?

I'm going down to the Bank of Tokyo

and change my money for traveler's checks.

- Oh, Fred... - [Ethel] Oh, uh, uh ...

Oh, now, now, now, Fred, uh, now, may-- maybe I could make that money belt

- a little bigger by letting out the seam. - Yeah.

I looked and there's nothing more to let out.

Well, uh, why don't you let Ethel wear it, Fred?

And let her get her mitts on my money?

Don't tell me you don't trust your own wife?

Why do you think I bought the money belt?

- Now, now, Fred! Now, Fred. - Fred.

Now, now, now, Fred, why don't you wait and do it tomorrow?

- Yeah. - I don't want to wait till tomorrow.

Well, how about, uh, how about, uh, uh, uh ...

- How about, uh... - How about what?

Uh, sightseeing.

Uh, in about an hour, with us?

Uh, we're going right by the Tokyo Bank.

And-- And why don't you wait, and we could all go together?

I want to go right now.

Well, now, wait a minute, Fred. It's an awful--

It's awful far. It's quite a distance. Too far to walk.

And about four dollars in a taxi.

I don't care.

Uh... I'll pay for the taxi.

Do you know, I could use a little snooze.

[Fred] Just call me when you're ready to leave.

Yes, honey.

Oh, Lucy, what are we gonna do?

When he finds out that money is gone, he'll kill us.

You're right.

Wait a minute. What are we worrying about?

How's he going to find out we took it?

Well, I'll be the first one he'll suspect.

Yeah, but how's he going to prove it?

Hell ask me and I'll confess.

- Why? - Because while he's asking me,

he'll have his hands around my throat.

Wait a minute. Maybe he won't remember how much money he had.

Oh, that'll be the day.

Lucy, we gotta get that money back in his belt while he's taking a nap.

Where are we going to get $200?

Oh, what'll we do?

Wait a minute.

Here's the 100 I was gonna use to buy the camera.

What about the other 100?

I'll put the pearls in his belt.

Oh!

Oh, Lucy, uh,

maybe you could get Bob to take the-- return the pearls

and get your money back.

We haven't got time enough for that.

Well-- Well, maybe he'll give you the money

and-and return the pearls later.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, we could do that. - Uh-huh.

Yeah, I guess it's the only thing we can do.

Well, goodbye pearls.

It's either goodbye, pearls, or goodbye, girls.

Go ahead, honey. Hurry up now.

I'll wait here.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Don't you ever do anything but take baths?

Well, I heard they had public bathing here in Japan,

but this is ridiculous.

Mr. Cummings, I'm in a terrible spot.

Yeah, well, that-that makes two of us.

Look, you gotta take these pearls back and give me my money back.

- No, Lucy, I can't do that. - But wh--

- If you-- - Oh!

Uh, if you don't mind, I'll do my own pearl diving.

Mr. Cummings. Mr. Cummings, you gotta take these pearls back

and give me my $100 back.

- Lucy, please, I can't do that. - Oh, but you've got to.

- Mr.-- Mr. Cummings, you don't understand. - I-I can't.

I have got to have my $100 back for these pearls.

I can't do it. I'd be embarrassed.

The man did me a favor. Now, please, let-let me...

But Mr. Cummings-- Mr. Cummings, you don't understand.

I'm in a terrible jam.

- I have to have my $100 back. -

I have to have my $100 back, Mr. Cummings. You have to take the pearls back

and get the money--

Mr. Cummings,

you'll be saving the life of one of your biggest fans.

Now, look, you just gotta take these pearls back.

- All I ask is that you give me my $100. - Go away. I'm taking a bath.

- I wasn't-- - Please, Mr. Cummings.

You don't understand what trouble I'm having. I'm--

Mr. Cummings, I am desperate.

You're desperate? I'm-I'm telling if you--

I just want you to take the pearls back and give me the $100.

- That's all I'm asking. -

- That's all I'm asking. - It is in the--

I'm not asking something--

What were you gonna do, let me drown?

Mr. Cummings, I know if you will listen to my story,

you will understand.

Won't you please listen?

All right, hurry up. I'm getting waterlogged.

All right, now, look, Mr. Cummings.

Can I call you Bob?

Why not?

Hurry up, Lucy. You ready to go see the Kabuki dancers?

Yeah, I'm ready.

How do you like what I did?

Pretty clever, huh?

Yeah.

Aw, come on now, honey. Cheer up.

We put the money back.

Fred's got his traveler's checks,

and we're in the clear, so everything's fine.

Oh, sure, everything's fine.

I didn't get my pearls. Now look what happened tonight.

We come halfway around the world, and where do our husbands go?

To a Japanese baseball game.

I think it's great.

In fact, if I could count on Fred's going every night,

I'd be tempted to move over here.

Listen, Ethel, I don't want to be a welsher,

but could I wear my $2.98 pearls tonight?

Is this permanent or temporary welshing?

No, just for tonight.

They're yours now.

Okay.

But be careful, though.

That's the most valuable piece of jewelry I own.

Okay.

Oh, no!

What's the matter?

I gave Bob the wrong pearls to return.

These are the real ones.

Are you sure?

- How can you tell? - By the clasp.

The string I bought in Japan says "platinum."

The string I bought in America says "Made in Japan."

This is terrible.

Oh, now, honey, what's so terrible about it?

All you got to do is tell Bob you made a mistake and he'll switch 'em.

No, I can't. He's already left to have dinner with Mr. Osato.

Oh, dear, if he gives him the phony pearls, they'll both think I'm a swindler.

Oh, no!

Operator, operator, did Mr. Cummings leave word where he was having dinner tonight?

Where?

Toma?

Thank you.

We're in luck. He's having dinner at the Toma Geisha House.

Come on, hurry up. We'll take a taxi.

- [Ethel] Oh, no, just a minute. - What's the matter?

- Did you say geisha house? - Yeah, come on! Hurry up!

But women aren't allowed in geisha houses.

Ethel, this is no time to quibble over technicalities! Now come on!

Oh, Lucy, I still don't see how were going to get in there.

I don't either, but we'll figure out something.

Lucy, I don't want to do it.

Ethel, you've come this far.

Don't tell me you're going to turn chicken now.

Where you going?

Back to the hotel to roost.

Very well, Ethel.

It's all right with me if you don't want to be one of the first two American women

to ever see the inside of a geisha house.

Oh, okay.

How are we gonna get in there?

Honey-san, I have a little problem

and-and perhaps you would be able to, uh-- to help me?

- Oh. - Very, very good.

Thank you.

Very lovely.

Gee, Bob, I want to thank you for bringing us along.

- Oh... - And you, too, Mr. Osato.

This beats going to a ball game all out, eh, Rick?

Ball game?

Oh.

Yes, you see, Mr. Osato.

Since, uh-- Since women are not allowed in geisha houses,

we told our wives that we were going to a baseball game.

- Otherwise they wouldn't have let us come. - Oh.

- The great American pastime. - Baseball?

No, fooling your wife.

Well, we Japanese men don't have to do that.

Whenever we want to get away from home,

we just say, "I'm going to the geisha house."

Ooh.

And that way, we can have several hours

of good food, good talk, and good entertainment.

Oh, that's the way to do it, I'm telling you.

- They got the right answer. -

Gentlemen, I hope you all will enjoy dinner.

I have ordered some very special Japanese delicacies.

- Wonderful. - Oh, yeah. I've sure been looking forward

to having a very authentic Japanese dinner.

Right, right.

Mr. Ricardo, will you honor us with a song?

Me, sing a song?

Yes.

Guests are often asked to entertain.

It's part of the custom.

Oh, well, I'm very flattered, but I'm so anxious to get going

- with the dinner, you know? - Yes.

I hope you like these.

- They are called inago ryori. - Inago ryori.

- [Mr. Osato] Mm-hmm. - Inago ryori.

Oh.

Well, they're crispy, aren't they?

Mmm...

They have a-- have a very, very, uh...

- aren't they? - That they are, yeah.

Inago ryori, what-what does that mean?

Fried grasshoppers.

Excuse me, fried grasshoppers?

Mm-hmm.

Do you like it?

Well, I'll tell you.

Um, these are the best darned fried grasshoppers I ever tasted.

I think I will sing, yes.

- Let's make it a duet. - No, no, this is a solo. This is a solo.

Thank you. I'll sing a song.

Now, we're going to try to give you a little number that I'm getting ready

for our tour in Japan.

And I think that we got it all figured out here.

All right, girls? Ready to go?

Here we go.

♪ They call me Tokyo Pete ♪

♪ Chicky boom, chick ♪

♪ Soy Tokyo Pete ♪

♪ Arigato ♪

♪ Chick-chicky boom Sumimasen, arigato ♪

Swing it, girls! Let's go.

- Lucy? - Yes.

- Oh, thank goodness. -

Lucy, how are geisha girls supposed to act?

Charming, sweet, gay.

Oh, I gave that up when I got married, but I'll do my best.

- Wonder how we're going to find them. - Just have to look up and down--

♪ Chick-chicky boom Sumimasen, arigato ♪

Ah, so.

Domo.

How about that? Aren't they wonderful? Very good.

Bravo! Bravo!

Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you.

Those sneaky stinkers.

And they said they were going to a baseball game.

Wait till I get my hands on Fred. I'll kill him!

First things first, Ethel.

Bob Cummings is in there, too.

Lucy, what are we going to do?

You take care of the sneaky stinkers, and I'll tell Bob about the pearls.

What if they recognize us?

Are you kidding? We didn't even recognize each other.

Lucy, I'm scared. You do it.

- Oh, what's the matter with you? - I'm going--

- You promised me. You promised. - I'd much rather--

Where have you both been?

Why are you two so late?

Oh, never mind.

You serve, you serve, you serve.

Serve, serve.

And you, dance. You will do dance.

- -

I love it.

[Bob] Mmm, very good.

You know, that dance was really very, very interesting, you know.

Say, you-you know an interesting thing?

I think that this dance that I've seen tonight

is the best that I've ever seen here. Really.

- Thank you very much, Mr. Osato. - Very good.

Oh, isn't this one of the ladies?

Oh, yes. Well, very good.

That was very, very lovely.

I was just saying, it was an excellent dance.

Thank you very many.

This is my favorite.

Oh.

Well, I'm sure if it's half as good as the, uh, fried grasshoppers,

we'll, uh-- we'll love it, right?

Yes!

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm a little ticklish.

Does anybody want to whisper in my ear?

Old Japanese custom.

When geisha girl like gentleman,

she tap him with fan.

Oh.

Um...

The, uh-- The party that bought the pearls

decided she really didn't want them after all,

and I told her that you'd be kind enough to take them back.

May I see those?

Oh, sure.

How-How much are these?

A hundred dollars.

They're worth 300 in the States.

Well, I don't know much about pearls,

but they look exactly the same as the ones that my wife, Lucy, got

at Macy's basement for $2.98.

Fred, see if you can tell the difference.

Sure. Anyone could.

These are beauts.

And what a bargain.

Why don't you buy 'em for Lucy?

If they're such a bargain, why don't you buy 'em for Ethel?

Well, it's not a matter of money.

These could be worth a million bucks.

But with Ethel wearing them, they'd still look like $2.98.

I wish this dame didn't like me so much.

She's giving me a headache.

Now, please. Everybody stay where you are.

Maybe man have broken leg.

[Lucy] Me, uh, Japanese Red Cross girl.

It's me, Lucy Ricardo.

Well, get-- What?

Lucy. It's me, Lucy.

First the bathtub and now here.

We're meeting in the strangest places.

Yes. Now, look, I got to-- I got to change the pearls.

- I gave you the wrong ones. - What?

Yeah, I got to switch them.

Oh.

I'm sorry I knocked you over.

Oh, that's okay.

Everything all right.

Man no have broken leg.

Just broken leg on table.

You all right?

Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine. Thank you.

- I'm all right, little girl. -

Mr. Osato, here's the, uh-- the pearls.

Say, uh, you know, I was just thinking.

I think Fred had a wonderful idea.

Uh, you know, Lucy's been dying for some real pearls,

and well, I think I'm going to buy them for her.

Good. Well, that's-- that's between you and Mr. Osato.

They're yours if you want them.

I'll take them. Thank you.

Uh, me go now.

Geisha girl take coffee break.

Uh, tea break.

Lucy!

- Ethel, come on. The jig is up. - Lucy!

You get back here!

Ethel?

Yes, Ethel!

I want an explanation of this thing!

Now, what are you doing in here? What are you two doing in here?

Well, I ...

What are you doing here? I thought you were going to a baseball game.

- A baseball game? - Yeah. Who won?

Oh, the baseball game, yeah.

- Who won the game, Fred? - Huh?

And what was the score?

The score, yeah.

- What was the score, Fred? - Well...

You know, Fred, the baseball game that we went to see tonight.

- What was the score, Fred? - Ricky.

- Ricky. - Huh?

Look, uh, I'll make you a deal.

If you don't ask me any more questions, I won't ask you anymore either.

Thank you, honey.

Well, Fred?

Hey, man, can you spare a string for me?

Certainly.

- Oh, Freddy, oh! -

Gee, Bob, thanks a lot.

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't own a string of real pearls.

Oh, Bob, neither would I.

Oh...

By george, you know, this really does beat a ball game all hollow.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen,

and a very special thanks to Bob Cummings for being with us tonight.

And, of course, let us not forget those wonderful Japanese dancers,

and our special guest, Sam, the goldfish

who made his television debut tonight.

In a moment, I wanna show you some scenes from next week's show,

which is called "The Hanging Judge."

It's a story about a judge and a vengeance that runs wild.

But right now, I gotta go over and see Lucy.

She said something about wanting a-- a parasol. I don't know.

Hi, girls!

- Oh, hi, honey. - Hi.

Why are you carrying that?

I thought you said something about a Westinghouse parasol?

Oh, not "parasol," "carousel."

We're opening the Westinghouse Christmas Carousel of Gifts tonight.

Oh.

And Westinghouse really has the right gifts for everyone.

Lucy.

Have you seen this new buffet fry pan?

It goes right on the party table then washes completely underwater.

That is really elegant.

- Hey, honey, look at this. - What's that?

I like the hat dog cooker.

"Hat dog cooker."

Hot dog.

It's the new Westinghouse Dog-o-matic.

Cooks six delicious hot dogs in just 90 seconds. Wonderful for kids.

Just for kids?

- Of all ages. - Oh.

And now for coffee.

It's fast and fresh in this new Westinghouse Spoutless Coffee Maker,

and every part washes completely clean.

- [Lucy] Hmm. - [Desi] Huh.

Hey, Lucy, look!

This is a store banner with our heads in it!

Yeah.

How 'bout that? I'm riding a "randeer."

That's "reindeer."

That's snow, dear.

Well, anyway,

join us aboard the Westinghouse Christmas Carousel of Gifts.

It's loaded with mixers, roasters, irons, toasters.

A hundred great Christmas buys.

See them at any store displaying this banner

and receive a free copy of Desi and Lucy's Carousel Cookery book.

You can be sure if it's Westinghouse.

I hope that you'll all be with us next week again

for this very dramatic and exciting story.

"The Hanging Judge."

Until then, thank you and good night.

The Westinghouse Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show.

Directed by Desi Arnaz.

Written by Bob Schiller and Bob Weiskopf.

Script consultants, Madelyn Martin and Bob Carroll Jr.

Produced by Bert Granet.

Executive producer, Desi Arnaz.

Others in tonight's cast were Kathryn Card,

Teru Shimada, Linda Wong, Sondi Sodsai and May Lee.

Don't forget, next week,

the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse will present "The Hanging Judge, "

starring James Whitmore, Jean Hagen, John McIntire,

costarring Buddy Ebsen and Warren Berlinger.

The Westinghouse Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show is a Desilu Production

brought to you by Westinghouse and filmed by Desilu.