All language subtitles for I Love Lucy S09E01 Milton Berle Hides Out at the Ricardos 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track4_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,467 --> 00:00:11,678 Westinghouse, first with the future... 2 00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:18,101 presents The Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show, 3 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,812 with special guest star Milton Berle, 4 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:24,107 and, of course, Vivian Vance, William Frawley and Little Ricky. 5 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,235 Costarring Larry Keating. 6 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,746 Hello. Is this Milton Berle's office? 7 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,498 I'd like to speak to Mr. Berle, please. 8 00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,832 This is Mrs. Ricky Ricardo. 9 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:43,335 Oh, well, 10 00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:45,420 even if he is busy working on his new book, 11 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,548 I know that Mr. Berle will speak to me. 12 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,175 Yes, just tell him it's Ricky Ricardo's wife. 13 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,718 I'm sure he's heard of my husband. 14 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,347 Well! 15 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,724 My husband will be very upset! 16 00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:58,809 Goodbye! 17 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,018 - Lucy! - 18 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:01,937 Good morning. 19 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:05,857 What were you doing using my name to try to get to Milton Berle? 20 00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:09,069 I wasn't using your name. 21 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,988 I was using my name, Mrs. Ricky Ricardo. 22 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,614 - That's my name! - Oh. 23 00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,742 Well, you sure are grouchy this morning, Mrs. Ricardo. 24 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,246 Well, anyway, it didn't work. 25 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,956 - Maybe you ought to change your name. - Lucy! 26 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:23,792 Clark Gable. There's a nice name. 27 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:26,253 Never mind that. 28 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:30,299 Now, I want to know why you were trying to get Milton Berle. 29 00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:34,511 - What do you want with him anyway? - Well, I-- I-I-I wanted to ask him 30 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:38,140 if he would emcee our Western show for our PTA benefit. 31 00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:43,437 Why does it have to be you the one who has to get somebody? 32 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,943 Because I'm the new chairman of the entertainment committee. 33 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,570 Since when? 34 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,655 Since I promised them I could get Milton Berle. 35 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,200 Look, 36 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,870 I don't care what you promised, 37 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:04,166 but I don't want you using my name to get anybody for any benefit. 38 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,876 - Well-- - Do you understand? 39 00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,169 - Yes, sir. - All right. 40 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:08,837 I gotta go to work. 41 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,422 Work? 42 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:11,715 At this hour in the morning? 43 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,883 We're doing a new show, 44 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,552 - so this week I'm gonna be working days. - Oh. 45 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:16,637 - - [Ethel] Lucy! 46 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,221 - [Lucy] Yeah? - Oh, hi. 47 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,889 - [Ricky] Hi. - What happened with Milton Berle? 48 00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:21,308 - Did you get him? Did you get him? - No. 49 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,352 The secretary wouldn't even put me through to him. 50 00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:25,145 Said he was working on his new book. 51 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,605 Oh, dear. 52 00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:29,191 - Goodbye. - So long, Seymour. 53 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,194 Huh? 54 00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,738 You told me you didn't want me to use your name. 55 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,372 Why doesn't Seymour want you to use his name? 56 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,209 He heard me use it on the phone 57 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,169 when I was trying to get through to Milton Berle. 58 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,796 He says it's an imposition. 59 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:53,632 Well, if you get stuck, Fred can always double as emcee. 60 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,802 Ethel, emcee means master of ceremonies, 61 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,261 not Mr. Cornball. 62 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,639 I guess you're right. 63 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,056 Well, so long. 64 00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:03,600 - Where are you going? - Home. 65 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,644 I just came over to borrow Milton Berle's book, 66 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,895 but if you can't get him for the show, I won't have to read it. 67 00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:09,314 The book! 68 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:11,942 Hey, Ethel, you've just given me an idea. 69 00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:13,651 I'll go see Milton Berle. 70 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,821 And before you say, "What will Ricky say?", 71 00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:19,741 remember, he didn't say that I couldn't say that I'm Lucy McGillicuddy. 72 00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:23,954 Lucy, if you couldn't even get to talk to him on the phone as Lucy Ricardo, 73 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:26,915 what makes you think you'll get in to see him as Lucy McGillicuddy? 74 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:28,917 His book. 75 00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:32,587 I'll tell him how much I enjoyed it, and I'll ask him to autograph it for me. 76 00:03:32,587 --> 00:03:35,424 And how is all this going to get him to emcee our show? 77 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:38,135 Well, while he's signing his name, 78 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,512 I'll just tell him what a clever author he is 79 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,181 and what a funny comedian he is, 80 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,393 and I'll just casually mention the PTA benefit. 81 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,937 - Do you think it'll work? - It can't miss. 82 00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,606 If there's one thing hammier than a comedian, it's an author, 83 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,442 and Milton Berle is both! 84 00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,906 Good afternoon, Milton Berle's office. 85 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,117 I'm sorry, he's on the phone with Hollywood. 86 00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,035 I'm afraid not. 87 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:06,371 There's someone with him now. There are people waiting to see him. 88 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,914 He's working on his new book, 89 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,958 and he has an appointment with his publisher, Mr. Watson. 90 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,960 I'd suggest you call back in about two weeks. 91 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,547 No, this is not a recording. 92 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,720 - Good afternoon. - Yes? 93 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,222 Lucy McGillicuddy to see Mr. Berle, please. 94 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:26,558 Oh, I'm sorry. Mr. Berle's tied up with his publisher. 95 00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:29,436 - What was it in regard to? - Oh, it's in regards to his book. 96 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,397 - I'd like him to autograph it for me. - Oh, I'm sure he'd be happy to. 97 00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:34,690 - I figured he would. - Where are you going, miss? 98 00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:36,109 - Into his office. - Just a minute! 99 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,110 Just a minute! 100 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,448 I didn't mean now! 101 00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,701 I, uh-- You just, uh... ...leave your address, 102 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,495 - and I'll mail it to you. - Oh, no, no! No, no. 103 00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:49,539 I couldn't bear to be parted from my wonderful book. 104 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,666 You see, I've already read it four times. 105 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:52,959 Then why can't you leave it? 106 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,295 Well, it's-- it's sort of become a part of me. 107 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,755 I-- I take it wherever I go, 108 00:04:56,755 --> 00:04:59,299 and I read it over and over and over and over. Oh, yes. 109 00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,927 Well, all right. 110 00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:07,015 If you insist on seeing Mr. Berle, but I-- I can't make any promises. 111 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:26,368 They're just wonderful, especially the last 50 pages. 112 00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:27,536 Remember your promise. 113 00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,371 We've got a deadline, and you're gonna finish this 114 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,206 - by the end of the week. - I guarantee it. 115 00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,834 In case you forget your promise, remember our contract-- 116 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,877 If you don't finish it, you'll lose half your royalties. 117 00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:38,296 Oh, don't worry about that. I won't want to lose half my royalties. 118 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,673 And by the way, Mr. Watson, 119 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,634 are you sure you want me to take out that joke on page ten? It's a big laugh. 120 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,386 - They'll yuck, they'll scream. - Which one was it? 121 00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:46,263 You know, it was-- it's wonderful. 122 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,557 When my mother was helping me with my homework when I was a kid, 123 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,267 and she said to me, "Where does milk come from?" 124 00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,351 And I said, "Cows." 125 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,894 And she said, "Where does cream come from?" 126 00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:53,812 And I said, "Cows." 127 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,355 Then she said, "Where does butter come from?" 128 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,439 And I said, "Butterflies." 129 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,282 Where did you learn that? High school? 130 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,242 No, elementary, my dear Watson. 131 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,956 - An audience. It's funny! It's funny! - It's out! 132 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,416 - What'd you say? - It's out! 133 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,751 It's out. 134 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,336 Uh, Mr. Watson, uh. ... 135 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,171 Will you do me a favor? Give Mr. Watson an envelope 136 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:21,298 - for the manuscript. - Oh, yes, sir. 137 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,591 - Everything will be fine. - Thank you. 138 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,093 Hiya, fellas. Gee, I know you guys from somewhere. 139 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,553 Your faces look very familiar. Where do I know you guys from? 140 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,182 Oh, I remember the act! 141 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,434 Somersault and Maugham. 142 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,060 What can I do for you? 143 00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,354 We thought you could use us in the Friar show tomorrow night. 144 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,487 Uh, this is great, great. You have to do it tomorrow. 145 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,531 We'll do a routine together. Step inside, we'll work it out. 146 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:49,034 Come inside. Everything will be... That's the bit I'm gonna do with you. 147 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,202 Milton, this is ridiculous! 148 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:52,913 - What do you mean ridiculous? - Excuse me, Mr. Berle. 149 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,497 - Would you do me a big favor? - Yeah, sure. 150 00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,458 When I told my kids I was working next door to Milton Berle, 151 00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:58,668 they made me promise to get your picture autograph. 152 00:06:58,668 --> 00:06:59,836 Well, fine. 153 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,380 Gee, where did you get this one? This is a wonderful picture. 154 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,716 - How did you get in here? - I came up in a cement bucket. 155 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,177 - 20 floors? - Oh, it's a cinch! 156 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:10,180 The crane operator swung me over to Mr. Berle's terrace, and I hopped out. 157 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,974 - [Watson] Incredible! - Young man, come here. 158 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,309 Look, to whom shall I make it out? 159 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,435 - To Billy... - To Billy. 160 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:17,062 Yes. Estelle, Dave, 161 00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:20,941 Lawrence, Frankie, Eleanor, Bruce... 162 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,360 All right. I'll just make it out to "Billy and the gang." 163 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,570 - There you are, young man. - Oh, gee, thanks, Mr. Berle. 164 00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,614 Do you mind if the other fellas drop in for your autograph? 165 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,200 - Anytime you want, young man. - Aw, gee, I'm sorry, I have to run off. 166 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,327 I-- My cement bucket is double parked. 167 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,291 Your cement bucket is double parked? 168 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,293 You build the buildings, I'll tell the jokes. 169 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,253 "Cement bucket double parked." 170 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,548 People come to me with the corniest jokes I've ever heard. 171 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:47,342 Jot that down, Miss Trent. 172 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,426 Mr. Berle... 173 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,303 Milton, you'll never get those 50 pages done. 174 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,889 One-man bands, acrobats, sandhogs, telephone... 175 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,724 I promise-- I promise this is the last interruption. 176 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,393 - You're... - Don't worry about a thing. 177 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,852 - I will promise-- - 178 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,481 [Milton] So long, kid. Anytime you want to get a picture. 179 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,691 Oh, this is a madhouse! 180 00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,401 Please, Mr. Berle, this will just take a minute. 181 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,987 The trouble with you is you can't say no to anybody! 182 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,822 - Mr. Berle... - Oh, you're wrong, Mr. Watson. 183 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,366 I can say no. Anytime that I want to say no, I can say no. 184 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,159 - Mr. Berle, I'm Lucy McGillicuddy. - I'm sorry. 185 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,786 I just loved your book, Earthquake. 186 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,621 - I'm afraid not. - Since you're such a great author, 187 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,373 - such a funny comedian... - I can't do it! I can't do it. 188 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:21,292 - ... I'd love for you to autograph my book. - No, absolutely no! 189 00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:22,961 See what I mean? 190 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,421 I said no, didn't I? 191 00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,131 Oh, thank you, Mr. Berle! 192 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,716 - My finger, dear. My finger. - Oh. 193 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:28,842 I just loved your book. 194 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,552 - I thought it was wonderful. - You're very sweet. 195 00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,261 So powerful, tense and artistic. 196 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,601 Powerful, tense, artistic? 197 00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,479 Yes, P-T-A. 198 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,398 P-T-A. 199 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,732 Yes, which reminds me, we're having 200 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,276 - a little PTA benefit Friday night. - Oh! 201 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:50,780 Milton, the only way you'll ever meet this deadline is to hide out someplace. 202 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,657 - Maybe you're right. - Well, how about my place? 203 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,284 It's up in the country, away from things. 204 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,119 With your mother-in-law there all the time? 205 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,203 Yakety-yakety-yak. 206 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,080 Remember what happened to Ernest Hemingway the last time? 207 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,749 Three days at your house, and he fled to Cuba. 208 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,626 I don't care where you go, 209 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,004 so long as it's secluded and you won't be bothered. 210 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,590 I got an idea. I could stay at my mother-in-law's house. 211 00:09:08,590 --> 00:09:10,467 - She hasn't spoken to me in three years. - Oh. 212 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,803 Milton, you've got to get away from all your friends and relatives. 213 00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,639 Please, I don't mean to butt in, but I have a house in Westport. 214 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,016 Yes, madam, I'm sure it's lovely. 215 00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:20,518 Yes, it is, and you could work up there every day. 216 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:23,146 Thank you, young lady, but I'm sorry, I couldn't impose upon you. 217 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,648 Oh, you wouldn't be imposing at all! 218 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,068 You could work up there every day and nobody'd ever know. 219 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,779 Well, thank you very much, but it's out of the question. 220 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:32,072 - Wait a minute, Milton. - What? 221 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,448 Mrs. McGillicuddy may have something. 222 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:36,076 Thank you very much. I can't accept your offer. 223 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,160 - She's a total stranger. - But that's just the point. 224 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,703 Because she is a total stranger, 225 00:09:39,703 --> 00:09:41,873 no one will be able to find you and bother you. 226 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,708 That's true. That's true. 227 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:45,293 That is true. 228 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:49,297 Well, gee, I-I-I'd have to pay you for the rental of your house. 229 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,008 Oh, Mr. Berle, I couldn't accept your money. 230 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,677 The price is right. 231 00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:58,431 - Okay, it's a deal. - Oh, wonderful! 232 00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,516 Well, I've got to run. 233 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,227 - Thank you so much, Mrs. McGillicuddy. - Oh, it's quite all right, Mr. Watson. 234 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:04,896 Berle, don't you forget we've got a deadline! 235 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:06,147 Oh, don't worry, I'll finish it. 236 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,441 I'll also call you and let you know where to get in touch with me. 237 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,610 Fine, but be sure I'm the only one! 238 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,320 - Oh, don't worry, don't worry! - 239 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:17,158 Gee, young lady, I can't understand why you're being so kind and so generous. 240 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,246 Oh, well, it's, uh-- it's really quite simple. 241 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:25,833 You see, uh, I am a patron of the arts. 242 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,418 - Oh, really? - Yes, yes. 243 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:31,464 And-and whatever benefits a great author, benefits me. 244 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,134 Uh, and speaking of benefits, 245 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:38,138 there is a teensy-weensy little benefit at my little boy's school Friday night, 246 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,640 and I was so hoping you could appear. 247 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,351 You know, that's the sneakiest offer I've had 248 00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,436 since Lindy promised to name a sandwich after me 249 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:49,399 - if I gave up my table near the door. - 250 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,567 Will you do it? 251 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,112 Say, if I can eat standing up at Lindy's window, 252 00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,489 - I can surely do your benefit. - Oh, thank you! 253 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,907 If I finish my book in time. 254 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,285 You can start working there tomorrow from 10:00 to 5:00. 255 00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,162 My husband's gone from 9:30 to 5:30. 256 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,621 - Good, good. - I'll give you the address. 257 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,331 Look, look, not a soul must know. 258 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,749 Not-Not even Mr. McGillicuddy. 259 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:08,960 Who? 260 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:10,837 Your husband. 261 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,298 Oh! 262 00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:16,134 Oh, especially Mr. McGillicuddy! 263 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,552 Oh! 264 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,357 Well, bye-bye, dear. 265 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,984 Wait a minute. What are you doing? 266 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,611 I haven't finished my breakfast yet. 267 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,947 Boy, you sure are a slowpoke. 268 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,451 Listen, just because these are three-minute eggs 269 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,453 doesn't mean that I have to eat them in three minutes. 270 00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,833 You better hurry, you'll miss your train. 271 00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,046 What are you doing? I got plenty of time. 272 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,797 You know how these commuter trains are, honey. 273 00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,883 - Always early. - What are you talking about? 274 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,801 They haven't been early in the last 100 years. 275 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,386 Well, there's always a first time. 276 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:09,312 All right, Lucy, now, what are you up to? 277 00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:10,897 Up to? 278 00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:14,984 I'm up to my neck in housework that I can't start until you leave. 279 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,779 All right. I shall leave as soon as I finish my coffee. 280 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,549 What happened to my coffee? 281 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:40,551 You drank it. 282 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:42,971 You may eat slow, but you sure drink fast. 283 00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,350 Well, bye-bye, dear. 284 00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:53,189 How do you like this-- 285 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,857 Milton Berle is looking for a new Latin band 286 00:12:55,857 --> 00:12:57,944 - for his television show. - Well, that's nice. 287 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,570 Maybe I could get the job. 288 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,282 Say, I'm sure glad that you didn't bother him anymore 289 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,117 about that PTA benefit. 290 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,201 Yeah, well. 291 00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,246 - Yeah. - Here you are. 292 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:09,998 Goodbye, dear. Bye-bye. 293 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:15,336 I don't know why, but I get the feeling that you're trying to get rid of me. 294 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:20,258 Why, honey, how could you think a thing like that? 295 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:22,260 It's just that I love to kiss you goodbye, 296 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:24,220 and I can't kiss you goodbye until you leave. 297 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:25,221 Bye. 298 00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:40,194 Ta-da-dah! 299 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:43,614 Howdy, ma'am. 300 00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,994 Fred wants to know if this outfit is all right for our act at the PTA show. 301 00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,997 Oh, uh, uh, yes, yes, that looks wonderful, Fred. 302 00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,665 You just look great. Goodbye, Fred. 303 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,801 Come on, Ethel. I know when somebody is trying to get rid of me. 304 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:07,429 No, you don't. What do you think I've been trying to do for 25 years? 305 00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:08,431 Eh. 306 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:11,976 - Goodbye, Ethel. - No, wait, I want to talk to you. 307 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,561 What happened with Milton Berle yesterday? 308 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:16,481 Well, he said if he finishes his new book on time, 309 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:17,774 he'll appear at the benefit. 310 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:20,234 Wonderful! How did you get him to agree? 311 00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:23,404 Ethel, you ask entirely too many questions for so early in the morning. 312 00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,531 Well, if you're gonna get nasty, I'll leave. 313 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:26,532 Good. 314 00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,242 Well! 315 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,911 See you at the benefit Friday night. 316 00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:38,628 Oh, no! 317 00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,137 Good morning, ma'am. 318 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,098 Nothing today, thank you. 319 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,809 Mrs. McGillicuddy, it's me. 320 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,852 Oh, Mr. Berle, I'm sorry. 321 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,813 I-I-I didn't recognize you. 322 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:59,774 Well, I-I figured I'd wear a disguise in case you weren't alone. 323 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:00,942 Oh, I'm alone all right. 324 00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:02,693 I hurried my little boy off to school, 325 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:04,195 I dashed my husband off to work, 326 00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:06,697 and I insulted my two best friends right out of the house. 327 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,533 I'm sorry to put you through all that trouble. 328 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:09,742 Oh, no, no, not at all. 329 00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,953 Now, I'm all set up, you can go to work right in there, 330 00:15:11,953 --> 00:15:13,996 and you better get started so you can finish in time 331 00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:16,374 - for the benefit Friday night. - All right. Is this the place? 332 00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,375 Yes. 333 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:27,343 Yeah? 334 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,887 I just want to make sure you'd started to work. 335 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,724 Well, it's pretty difficult to work without this. 336 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,644 Oh! Oh, yeah, I guess so. 337 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,991 - Now what? - Coffee break. 338 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,954 Mr. Berle, you get right back in there, and I'll bring you some. 339 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,747 Oh, don't bother, I'll drink it at the table. 340 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,459 Now, every minute counts. Can't you drink while you work? 341 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,210 What is this, solitary confinement? 342 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,503 Now you go on, get back in there 343 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,629 - and get to work. - Yeah, but... 344 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,974 [Lucy] Uh-ah-ah-ah-ah! 345 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,267 Now, now! 346 00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:17,768 Mr. Berle, where are you going? 347 00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,937 I'm going down to the village to get some cigars. 348 00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:22,773 Mr. Berle, how can you drink coffee, 349 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,984 smoke cigars and type at the same time? 350 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,527 It's no problem at all. 351 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:30,364 - I don't inhale. - Mr. Berle, I'll get the cigars for you. 352 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,158 You just get back in there and get to work. 353 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,869 Well, if you do get the cigars, be sure you get me a dozen of these. 354 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,329 - I will. - They're imported from Havana. 355 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,788 Yes, sir, yes, sir, I will get them. 356 00:16:37,788 --> 00:16:39,081 Now, I'll bring your coffee to you. 357 00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,750 Now, you go on in there and get to work, please. 358 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,003 I wonder if Carl Sandburg started this way. 359 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:10,488 Ethel, I would appreciate it if you would knock before you enter my house. 360 00:17:10,488 --> 00:17:13,324 This may be the last time I ever enter your house. 361 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,868 My husband and I have had a discussion. 362 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,244 We don't like your attitude, 363 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:19,997 so we've decided we wouldn't be on your old PTA show 364 00:17:19,997 --> 00:17:22,208 if you got down on your knees and begged us. 365 00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,252 Oh, Ethel ... 366 00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:27,213 I guess I have been a little on edge. 367 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,548 That's putting it mildly. 368 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,299 Well, I'm sorry. 369 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,509 I apologize. 370 00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,136 In that case, I accept your apology, 371 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,013 and Fred and I will go on the show as scheduled. 372 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:37,138 Oh, good. 373 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:42,228 Ye-- Ethel, Ethel, just because I apologized 374 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,980 doesn't mean that I'm running a coffee house. 375 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,317 Lucy, you're acting awful peculiar this morning. 376 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,236 Oh, you're just being touchy. 377 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,696 - Goodbye, Ethel. - Wait a minute. 378 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,075 Where did this come from? 379 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,494 Havana. 380 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,665 No, I mean whose is it? 381 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,542 Ricky's. 382 00:18:05,542 --> 00:18:07,003 He's from Havana too. 383 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,132 Ricky smokes those little thin cigars. 384 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:12,883 Oh. 385 00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:16,596 Someone left it. 386 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,224 Who? 387 00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,226 Who? 388 00:18:23,811 --> 00:18:25,521 Yeah, who? 389 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,109 Oh, all right, Ethel. 390 00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:32,945 You guessed my secret. 391 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,073 When I'm alone I smoke cigars, the big ones. 392 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,868 That's why I was trying to get rid of you. 393 00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,037 Yeah, that's it. 394 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,123 Let's see you smoke it. 395 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,167 No, thanks, I-I just finished one. 396 00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,337 I'm trying to cut down to two a day. 397 00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,758 I won't believe you till I see you smoke it. 398 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,455 Uh, Et-Ethel, 399 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:27,375 uh, wou-would you give me that ashtray on the table, please? 400 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:47,144 Nothing like a good cigar, I always say. 401 00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,232 You really like 'em, huh? 402 00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,817 Mm-hmm. 403 00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,700 Who's hat and coat are you sitting on? 404 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,542 Am I sitting on a hat and coat? 405 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,594 Well, what do you know. 406 00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,179 I know they're not Ricky's. 407 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,141 And they certainly aren't Little Ricky's. 408 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:29,019 - Well, uh... - Don't tell me they're yours. 409 00:20:30,311 --> 00:20:31,313 Why not? 410 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,775 Oh, you've taken up wearing men's clothes, huh? 411 00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,609 Yeah. 412 00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:40,239 Yeah, I find them very warm and practical. 413 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,909 You know how flimsy women's garments are for these Connecticut winters. 414 00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,164 - I'll bet they're stunning. - They look all right. 415 00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,083 I'd like to see you in them. 416 00:20:53,335 --> 00:20:54,336 All right. 417 00:21:24,407 --> 00:21:25,868 Very chic. 418 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,536 Thank you. 419 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,460 Well, Ethel, now that I've answered all your nosy questions, 420 00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,545 if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone. 421 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,422 - - What's that? 422 00:21:39,048 --> 00:21:40,257 What's what? 423 00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:43,511 - That noise. It sounds like typing. - Oh, that's me. 424 00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:44,595 Didn't I tell you? 425 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:45,971 I've taken up Spanish dancing. 426 00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,724 Since when did you take up Spanish dancing? 427 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,309 Since I took up cigar smoking. 428 00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,232 Oh, that's right, they do go together. 429 00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:58,859 Can't do one without the other. 430 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,910 Lucy... Lucy! 431 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:12,455 I accept the fact that you're smoking cigars, 432 00:22:12,455 --> 00:22:14,959 wearing men's clothing and have taken up Spanish dancing, 433 00:22:15,626 --> 00:22:18,587 but what are you doing with those Swiss bell ringers in the den? 434 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:22,090 Oh, all right, Ethel! 435 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,343 I know you'll never give me a minute's peace 436 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,345 - until you know who's in there. - Who? Who? 437 00:22:26,846 --> 00:22:29,265 - You promise you won't tell a living soul? - I promise. 438 00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:34,436 - Milton-- - Oh! 439 00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:39,108 - What's Milton Berle doing in there? - He's hiding out there. 440 00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,818 There were too many interruptions at his office, 441 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,111 so I made a deal with him. 442 00:22:42,111 --> 00:22:43,571 He's working on his book out here. 443 00:22:43,571 --> 00:22:46,448 And if he finishes it by Friday, he's promised to appear at the benefit. 444 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,535 - Does Ricky know? - Oh, of course not. 445 00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:51,287 If anybody knows, the deal is off. 446 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:53,163 So, whatever you do, don't you tell Fred! 447 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:55,374 That blabbermouth? Don't worry. 448 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,917 And, Ethel, whatever you do, don't let Fred out of the house. 449 00:22:57,917 --> 00:22:59,003 Oh, I won't. 450 00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:04,090 Oh, cooped up with Fred Mertz for a whole week! 451 00:23:04,090 --> 00:23:06,135 I may take up cigar smoking myself. 452 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,277 Come on in, the coast is clear. 453 00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:24,612 Good, good. 454 00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:26,238 Oh, uh, by the way, 455 00:23:26,238 --> 00:23:28,782 Mr. Watson is gonna stop by today to see how I'm doing. 456 00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:30,868 - Mr. Wat-- Oh, your publisher. - Right, right. 457 00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:33,162 - Well, how are you doing? - Oh, don't worry, Mrs. McGillicuddy. 458 00:23:33,162 --> 00:23:35,497 I should be finished in time enough to do your benefit tonight. 459 00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:37,041 - Wonderful. - [Ethel] Lucy! 460 00:23:37,041 --> 00:23:38,292 Lucy! 461 00:23:38,292 --> 00:23:39,376 What's the matter? 462 00:23:39,376 --> 00:23:41,211 - Who's she? Who's she? - It's all right, she knows. 463 00:23:41,211 --> 00:23:42,296 [Lucy] What's the matter? 464 00:23:42,296 --> 00:23:43,505 - [Milton] What's happening? - Oh! 465 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:46,133 - We gotta hide him! - Why? 466 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,676 Ricky's on his way and he's boiling mad! 467 00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:49,303 I thought Ricky was on his way to New York. 468 00:23:49,303 --> 00:23:50,888 He was, but Fred got hold of him and told him 469 00:23:50,888 --> 00:23:52,765 there's a strange man coming here to see you every day! 470 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:54,516 - Oh, fine. - Ethel, how did Fred find out? 471 00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:56,685 Don't look at me! You know old Peeping Fred. 472 00:23:56,685 --> 00:23:57,936 Nothing gets past him. 473 00:23:57,936 --> 00:24:00,272 - We gotta hide him. - Yeah. We have to hide him. 474 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:01,607 No, no, in the closet. 475 00:24:01,607 --> 00:24:03,275 - In the closet. - No, over here, Ethel! 476 00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:05,653 Wait a minute! 477 00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:07,196 Wait a minute! This is ridiculous! 478 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:08,321 Why should I hide? 479 00:24:08,321 --> 00:24:10,574 I'll just simply explain to your husband what I'm doing here. 480 00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:13,619 Oh, sure, and while you're explaining, he'll be punching you right in the nose. 481 00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:15,204 He has a terrible Latin temper! 482 00:24:15,204 --> 00:24:16,538 Oh, I ... 483 00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,333 McGillicuddy, Latin? 484 00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:21,085 Uh, yeah, Irish Latin. 485 00:24:21,919 --> 00:24:24,338 - Irish Latin? - Yeah, and they're the worst kind! 486 00:24:24,338 --> 00:24:25,547 - Yeah. - You don't understand. 487 00:24:25,547 --> 00:24:27,049 - There's no such-- - We have to hide him. 488 00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,301 - We gotta hide-- - No, no, in the closet, Lucy. 489 00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:33,513 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 490 00:24:33,513 --> 00:24:35,474 I-I still say I-I shouldn't hide. 491 00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:37,518 When your husband gets here, I'll simply reason with him, 492 00:24:37,518 --> 00:24:39,061 - and when I reason-- - 493 00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:41,146 [Ricky] I'll kill him! I'll kill him! 494 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:42,898 Where do I hide? Where do I hide? 495 00:24:43,607 --> 00:24:45,693 - In the closet! - [Ricky] I'll kill him! I'll kill him! 496 00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:47,987 [Lucy] Take him upstairs! Take him upstairs! 497 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:50,114 - Take him upstairs! - Upstairs, upstairs! 498 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,865 Come on, we hid a horse up there once. 499 00:24:51,865 --> 00:24:52,866 - - Lucy! 500 00:24:52,866 --> 00:24:54,118 - Mr. Berle... - Yes, yes. 501 00:24:54,118 --> 00:24:55,703 ... I'm so glad to meet you. I'm Ethel Mertz. 502 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:57,830 - Will you two get up there! - Oh! 503 00:24:57,830 --> 00:24:59,330 Get up there! 504 00:24:59,330 --> 00:25:01,166 - - [Ricky] Lucy! Let me in! 505 00:25:02,001 --> 00:25:03,002 Let me in! 506 00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:06,046 Oh, hello, dear. 507 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:07,172 Out of my way! 508 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:09,883 Where is he? Where is he? 509 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:11,677 Where is who, dear? 510 00:25:11,677 --> 00:25:13,929 It's ten to one he sneaked out the back way. 511 00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,263 - Yeah. Let's go. - Right. 512 00:25:15,263 --> 00:25:17,141 You're home early, sweetheart. 513 00:25:20,853 --> 00:25:24,148 Psst, Lucy, we need your help. Milton's got an idea. 514 00:25:24,148 --> 00:25:25,148 [Lucy] Okay. 515 00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:34,199 Milton? 516 00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,292 Milton? 517 00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:51,717 Where could he be? Where could he be? 518 00:25:51,717 --> 00:25:52,885 Maybe he got away. 519 00:25:52,885 --> 00:25:55,512 No, he didn't have time to get away. He's gotta be here someplace. 520 00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:56,847 - Go look in that closet. - All right. 521 00:25:56,847 --> 00:25:58,557 Go in there. I'll go in the closet in the hall. 522 00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,100 He's got to be here someplace. 523 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,192 Oh, there you are, you "hum" wrecker, you! 524 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:09,484 There must be some mistake. 525 00:26:09,484 --> 00:26:12,613 You're darn tootin' there's a mistake, mister, and you made it! 526 00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:16,657 Nice punching, Rick. 527 00:26:16,657 --> 00:26:19,453 Come on, help me get this guy out of here before I kill him. 528 00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:21,163 Get out! 529 00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:23,707 Listen, you character! 530 00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:27,544 Don't you ever let me catch you in here again or I'll murder you! 531 00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:29,171 Yeah, remember that. 532 00:26:32,508 --> 00:26:33,592 Lucy? 533 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:34,593 Where are you? 534 00:26:35,344 --> 00:26:36,512 Lucy, where are you? 535 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,306 Lucy, I want to talk to you! 536 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:40,557 Coming, dear. 537 00:26:47,815 --> 00:26:48,732 Yes, dear? 538 00:26:48,732 --> 00:26:52,277 Lucy, I want an explanation of what's going on here. 539 00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,320 Hello, Fred. 540 00:26:53,904 --> 00:26:55,696 Never mind that "Hello, Fred." 541 00:26:56,406 --> 00:26:58,534 All right, you heard me, Lucy! What is going on here? 542 00:26:58,534 --> 00:26:59,785 Please, honey, lower your voice. 543 00:26:59,785 --> 00:27:01,494 I'll explain after the company leaves. 544 00:27:01,494 --> 00:27:02,663 What company? 545 00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:03,580 Please, honey. 546 00:27:03,580 --> 00:27:06,291 Uh, come along, Mildred, dear. 547 00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:09,503 - Isn't she a lovely lady? - [Lucy] Oh, yes, she is. 548 00:27:29,773 --> 00:27:32,276 Mildred, dear, this is my husband. 549 00:27:32,276 --> 00:27:33,484 This is Mildred Burke. 550 00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:36,446 How do you do? 551 00:27:38,448 --> 00:27:39,324 Hello. 552 00:27:40,659 --> 00:27:42,244 And that's my husband. 553 00:27:42,244 --> 00:27:43,369 How do you do? 554 00:27:46,455 --> 00:27:47,457 Hello. 555 00:27:52,546 --> 00:27:56,215 Mildred just dropped by to discuss some PTA business. 556 00:27:56,215 --> 00:27:58,385 That-That-That's right. 557 00:27:58,385 --> 00:28:02,013 And thanks a million for allowing me to use your powder room. 558 00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,349 My makeup was just terribly messy. 559 00:28:04,349 --> 00:28:06,476 [Lucy] Oh, it was not. You look divine, Mildred. 560 00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:08,729 You never looked lovelier. 561 00:28:08,729 --> 00:28:09,730 Thanks. 562 00:28:13,483 --> 00:28:15,861 Well, uh, it's been very nice meeting you, Miss Burke. 563 00:28:15,861 --> 00:28:18,280 Thank you. Nice meeting you too. 564 00:28:18,946 --> 00:28:21,657 I just adore your laughing Irish eyes. 565 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:30,542 Thank you. 566 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:33,170 And you're cute too, baldy. 567 00:28:35,422 --> 00:28:37,799 Well, you're quite a looker yourself, rosebud. 568 00:28:40,844 --> 00:28:41,929 Oh. 569 00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:44,514 Thank you. And that reminds me-- 570 00:28:44,514 --> 00:28:46,058 Uh, it's too bad 571 00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:49,019 - you have to run along, Mildred, dear. - Oh, yes, I have to go. 572 00:28:49,019 --> 00:28:50,020 I have to leave. 573 00:28:52,648 --> 00:28:53,815 Thank you very much. 574 00:28:56,610 --> 00:28:57,778 My shoe. 575 00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,072 Can't leave without my shoe. 576 00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:07,287 Oh! Oh! Oh, Mr. Watson! 577 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,082 Mr. Watson, what happened? 578 00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:11,959 Well, I ... 579 00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:15,170 I just walked in here and that character punched me in the jaw. 580 00:29:15,837 --> 00:29:17,464 Oh, this is dreadful. 581 00:29:18,131 --> 00:29:19,716 What's the matter with you? 582 00:29:19,716 --> 00:29:21,927 What do you mean what's the matter with me? 583 00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:24,930 This is the man that had been coming here every day while I was gone. 584 00:29:24,930 --> 00:29:25,931 He's the "hum" wrecker. 585 00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:28,976 He isn't the "hum" wrecker. He is! 586 00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:32,354 - He? - He! 587 00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:37,442 So you're the "hum" wrecker, huh? 588 00:29:43,865 --> 00:29:46,868 Ricky, you just hit Milton Berle! 589 00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:49,705 - Milton Berle? - [Lucy] Yes! 590 00:29:49,705 --> 00:29:52,124 He was hiding out here so he could finish his book. 591 00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:55,669 It was a deal to get him for the benefit, and this is Mr. Watson, his publisher. 592 00:29:56,378 --> 00:29:58,088 Ayayay. 593 00:29:58,088 --> 00:30:00,882 Mr. Berle, Mr. Berle, are you all right? 594 00:30:00,882 --> 00:30:02,134 Are you all right? 595 00:30:02,134 --> 00:30:06,179 I'm all right, but Milton will never be the same. 596 00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:11,310 Hi. 597 00:30:11,310 --> 00:30:12,311 Hi, Ethel. 598 00:30:12,894 --> 00:30:15,022 Honey, don't take it so hard. 599 00:30:16,273 --> 00:30:18,567 I can't get over how mad Ricky got. 600 00:30:19,192 --> 00:30:21,153 You know, I really can't blame him. 601 00:30:21,695 --> 00:30:25,615 After all, you ruined his chances of getting on Milton Berle's television show. 602 00:30:25,615 --> 00:30:28,994 And, incidentally, you lost your emcee for our benefit tonight. 603 00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:34,207 Ethel, things are bad enough without having to listen to your stale synopsis. 604 00:30:35,751 --> 00:30:36,835 Oh, cheer up. 605 00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:39,004 You still got Ethel and Freddie Mertz as headliners. 606 00:30:39,004 --> 00:30:41,965 Oh, feesh, some headliners. 607 00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,967 Even you and Fred wouldn't walk across the street 608 00:30:43,967 --> 00:30:45,052 to see you and Fred. 609 00:30:47,346 --> 00:30:48,930 Don't get so uppity. 610 00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,223 Who else is there? 611 00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:52,768 I haven't given up on Milton Berle yet. 612 00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:54,728 Boy, are you an optimist. 613 00:30:56,063 --> 00:30:57,939 Ethel, I've been thinking. 614 00:30:58,482 --> 00:31:01,193 - Goodbye. - Aren't you going to listen to my plan? 615 00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:02,527 Does it involve me? 616 00:31:02,527 --> 00:31:04,571 - No. - Good, then I'll listen. 617 00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:05,572 All right. 618 00:31:08,325 --> 00:31:09,576 Now, look, 619 00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:13,538 I would like to get in to see Milton so I could apologize to him. 620 00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:15,374 How you gonna do that? 621 00:31:15,374 --> 00:31:18,168 Well, the other day when I was up to the office, 622 00:31:18,168 --> 00:31:20,504 I noticed that they're building a skyscraper 623 00:31:20,504 --> 00:31:21,922 right next door to his office... 624 00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:45,028 Miss Trent? 625 00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:46,238 - Yes, sir. - Uh, call up, uh-- 626 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:47,781 Call up Mr. Watson, tell him I'm finished. 627 00:31:47,781 --> 00:31:49,408 He can pick up the pages anytime he wants to. 628 00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:50,492 Yes, sir. 629 00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:20,814 What are you doing here? 630 00:32:20,814 --> 00:32:22,774 - Get out of here! - [Lucy mouthing words] 631 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,651 Get out! I don't want to see you anymore. 632 00:32:24,651 --> 00:32:26,111 You'll get killed! 633 00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:27,487 You're 20 stories... 634 00:32:28,363 --> 00:32:30,407 Get out! Get out of here! 635 00:32:30,991 --> 00:32:33,618 Faster, faster! What are you do-- 636 00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:40,959 What are you doing here? What are you doing here? 637 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:43,462 Please, Mr. Berle, I came to apologize. 638 00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:45,672 Haven't I had enough trouble with you already? Leave me alone! 639 00:32:45,672 --> 00:32:48,049 Please, Mr. Berle, help me down. 640 00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:54,431 All right, all right, I'll help you. 641 00:32:54,431 --> 00:32:57,309 I'll help you, I'll help you. Now, take it easy. 642 00:32:57,309 --> 00:32:58,560 I'll help you. I-- 643 00:33:02,731 --> 00:33:05,108 I'll help you as soon as I get my stomach back. 644 00:33:06,276 --> 00:33:07,694 - Mr. Berle? - Yeah? 645 00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:10,822 Just hold on to the bucket and steady it. I-I-I'll hop out. 646 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:11,823 Just... 647 00:33:17,579 --> 00:33:19,039 Can't you get it any lower? 648 00:33:19,039 --> 00:33:21,500 - I'll give the man the signal. - Yeah, okay. 649 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,669 That's it. Here we go. 650 00:33:24,669 --> 00:33:26,129 Yeah, I got you. 651 00:33:26,129 --> 00:33:27,380 I got you. 652 00:33:27,380 --> 00:33:28,465 I got-- 653 00:33:28,465 --> 00:33:29,549 Ah! 654 00:33:31,551 --> 00:33:33,178 What happened? What happened? 655 00:33:33,178 --> 00:33:35,764 I forgot to tell him to stop! 656 00:33:36,306 --> 00:33:37,432 Women drivers. 657 00:33:38,683 --> 00:33:41,311 Give him the motion and tell him to pull the thing up. 658 00:33:41,311 --> 00:33:43,396 Wave to him! Up, up. 659 00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:46,149 Take it easy. That's it. 660 00:33:46,149 --> 00:33:48,568 - Catch hold of the rim and pull me over. - All right. 661 00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:55,951 Hang on, Mr. Berle! 662 00:33:58,662 --> 00:34:00,622 [Milton] Somebody help! 663 00:34:00,622 --> 00:34:02,415 Somebody help! 664 00:34:05,126 --> 00:34:06,294 Somebody help me! 665 00:34:06,294 --> 00:34:08,338 Don't worry, Mr. Berle, I've got you. 666 00:34:08,338 --> 00:34:10,799 Give him the signal and tell him to lower us down. 667 00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:12,926 I can't. 668 00:34:12,926 --> 00:34:14,052 Why not? 669 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,221 If I give the signal, I'll have to let go. 670 00:34:17,764 --> 00:34:20,308 Let me pay now, I'll fly later. 671 00:34:26,147 --> 00:34:27,857 Do something, do something! 672 00:34:27,857 --> 00:34:30,860 Oh! Mr. Berle, put your leg up here and get in here, 673 00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,529 - and then I can give him the signal. - All right. 674 00:34:34,823 --> 00:34:36,950 Come on, put your leg up. That's it, that's it. 675 00:34:36,950 --> 00:34:40,078 - Hang on, hang on! - No, I-- I can't. I can't, I'll ... 676 00:34:41,288 --> 00:34:42,289 [Milton] The other way. 677 00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:47,544 That's it, now. That's it. No, that's no good ... 678 00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:54,217 Help! 679 00:34:59,306 --> 00:35:00,599 Are you-- Are you all right? 680 00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,267 No. Hang on! 681 00:35:06,479 --> 00:35:07,772 Get out of here. 682 00:35:11,067 --> 00:35:12,611 Yes, yes, that's right. 683 00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:15,071 Mr. Berle will be ready for your appointment in ten minutes. 684 00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:16,489 - All right. - Good afternoon. 685 00:35:16,489 --> 00:35:18,533 That's okay. I'll be-- 686 00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:20,577 - Where are you going? - I'm going to Mr. Berle's office. 687 00:35:20,577 --> 00:35:22,621 - Wh-What's your name? - I'm Ricky Ricardo. 688 00:35:22,621 --> 00:35:24,748 Oh, Mr. Berle had specific instructions to keep you out. 689 00:35:24,748 --> 00:35:26,166 I just want to apologize to him. 690 00:35:26,166 --> 00:35:27,834 No, no, you can't! 691 00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:29,628 No! Mr. Berle, I tried-- 692 00:35:29,628 --> 00:35:30,712 Mr. Berle? 693 00:35:30,712 --> 00:35:32,422 That's funny, he was here a minute ago. 694 00:35:32,422 --> 00:35:33,797 - [Lucy] Help! - Mr. Berle? 695 00:35:33,797 --> 00:35:36,009 [Milton] Somebody help! 696 00:35:41,097 --> 00:35:42,181 Lucy! 697 00:35:42,181 --> 00:35:43,266 Ricky, help! 698 00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:45,060 Help get me down! 699 00:35:45,060 --> 00:35:46,478 What are you doing up there? 700 00:35:46,478 --> 00:35:48,772 I was trying to talk to Mr. Berle. 701 00:35:49,356 --> 00:35:51,107 Talk to Mr. Berle? 702 00:35:51,107 --> 00:35:52,901 Please, get us down. 703 00:35:52,901 --> 00:35:54,569 S-Stay there. 704 00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:55,862 Stay right there. 705 00:35:57,364 --> 00:35:58,989 Just a minute, sweetheart. 706 00:35:58,989 --> 00:36:01,284 - Just a minute. Wait a minute, honey. - [Miss Trent screams] 707 00:36:01,284 --> 00:36:03,119 Can you hang on? Hang on tight, dear. 708 00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:04,496 - Yes, sir. - Hang on tight, honey. 709 00:36:05,538 --> 00:36:06,498 Whoa... 710 00:36:08,875 --> 00:36:11,503 Just a minute, honey. I'm all right. Wait a minute... 711 00:36:14,881 --> 00:36:15,882 I think I got you ... 712 00:36:17,967 --> 00:36:19,928 No, you don't got me. 713 00:36:19,928 --> 00:36:22,847 I'm gonna try to get you over this-- this place... 714 00:36:23,765 --> 00:36:25,100 Whoa! 715 00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:28,268 [Milton] Hang on, Mr. McGillicuddy, hang on! 716 00:36:28,268 --> 00:36:29,896 [Lucy] Ricky, hang on! 717 00:36:29,896 --> 00:36:31,314 Ricky! 718 00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:35,944 [Milton] Oh, fine, now we can get on The Ed Sullivan Show 719 00:36:35,944 --> 00:36:37,362 as the Flying Ricardos. 720 00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,198 Whoa, hang on, honey. 721 00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:42,617 - Hang on, sweetheart! - [Lucy] Yes, sir! 722 00:36:42,617 --> 00:36:43,785 [Ricky] Hang on, baby. 723 00:36:43,785 --> 00:36:45,161 [Lucy] Ricky, do something. 724 00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:48,915 [Ricky] Hey, I got an idea. 725 00:36:48,915 --> 00:36:51,126 Let's swing back and forward 726 00:36:51,126 --> 00:36:52,835 until we're over the terrace, 727 00:36:52,835 --> 00:36:55,255 and then we jump down one at a time. 728 00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:57,549 [Milton] Good. I'll go first. 729 00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:59,592 No, hang on! 730 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,469 [Ricky] I'm gonna jump first, 731 00:37:02,469 --> 00:37:04,556 then I'll wait for you down there, you hear, sweetheart? 732 00:37:05,306 --> 00:37:08,560 Now, you stay up there, honey, until I tell you to come down. 733 00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:12,063 Don't go till I tell you to come down, honey, you hear? 734 00:37:16,568 --> 00:37:17,944 Are you all right? 735 00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:18,902 I'm-- I'm all right. 736 00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:21,823 - Ricky? - Yeah, honey? 737 00:37:21,823 --> 00:37:24,367 - What happened? - I'm all right, sweetheart. 738 00:37:24,367 --> 00:37:25,702 Honey, look out. 739 00:37:25,702 --> 00:37:26,995 Look out, wait a minute now. 740 00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:28,371 Wait until I tell you. 741 00:37:29,372 --> 00:37:31,583 Hold on, dear, not yet, not yet. 742 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:34,169 Not yet. Not yet, honey. 743 00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:36,087 Now, wait... Now! 744 00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:41,384 Honey, are you all right, dear? 745 00:37:44,596 --> 00:37:45,680 Are you all right? 746 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,599 - I-I don't know. - Okay. 747 00:37:47,599 --> 00:37:48,683 I don't know. 748 00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:50,685 - Did you hurt yourself, honey? - I'm not sure. 749 00:37:51,186 --> 00:37:52,520 - You okay, honey? - Yeah. 750 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:54,189 Hey, what about me? 751 00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,815 [Ricky] All right. Jump, jump! 752 00:37:58,568 --> 00:37:59,569 From here? 753 00:38:00,277 --> 00:38:01,362 Well, I did it. 754 00:38:01,863 --> 00:38:04,114 Yeah, but you were two people lower. 755 00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,786 Wait, I'll give the man the signal to let the bucket down. 756 00:38:10,997 --> 00:38:13,792 Why didn't you give the man the signal before? 757 00:38:13,792 --> 00:38:16,085 How can I give him the signal? My arms weren't free. 758 00:38:16,085 --> 00:38:18,296 [Ricky] What were you doing here in the first place? 759 00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,672 [Milton] Do something, do something! 760 00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:22,675 [Lucy] I came to apologize to Mr. Berle. 761 00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:24,761 And what are you doing here? 762 00:38:24,761 --> 00:38:27,806 I came here to apologize to Mr. Berle too. 763 00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:30,266 [Milton] Now, look, I don't make it a policy 764 00:38:30,266 --> 00:38:33,686 to interrupt in family arguments, but this time I'll make an exception. 765 00:38:33,686 --> 00:38:34,979 Get me down! 766 00:38:36,356 --> 00:38:38,065 G-Go, get the man down. 767 00:38:38,065 --> 00:38:40,360 Yeah, uh, Mr. Berle, just a minute. 768 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,154 Uh, Mr. Berle, if I get you down, 769 00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:46,199 will you promise to give Ricky a job on your new TV show? 770 00:38:48,034 --> 00:38:49,577 I-- Just a minute now. 771 00:38:49,577 --> 00:38:50,829 Mr. Berle? 772 00:38:50,829 --> 00:38:52,121 Anything! 773 00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:53,039 And Mr. Berle, 774 00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:56,084 will you promise to appear at the PTA benefit tonight? 775 00:38:56,084 --> 00:38:58,585 Anything! I'll do that! I'll do it! 776 00:38:58,585 --> 00:38:59,629 Thank you, Mr. Berle. 777 00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:10,806 All right, I got you. I got you right here. 778 00:39:10,806 --> 00:39:12,433 - - Now, wait a minute. Let me get-- 779 00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,185 Let me get you down the stair now. Watch it now. 780 00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,145 Take it easy. Take it easy. 781 00:39:16,145 --> 00:39:17,605 - Watch it, watch it. - Take it easy. 782 00:39:21,693 --> 00:39:23,486 - Are you all right? - I'm just fine. 783 00:39:23,486 --> 00:39:26,656 Take it easy. Take it easy, now. Take it easy. 784 00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:31,119 - Mr. Berle, are you all right? - 785 00:39:31,119 --> 00:39:32,745 Come on, we got to get right out to Westport 786 00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:34,080 if you're gonna do that benefit tonight. 787 00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,791 Okay, but there's-- there's one thing I got to do first. 788 00:39:36,791 --> 00:39:37,876 Oh, what? 789 00:39:37,876 --> 00:39:39,168 Faint. 790 00:40:20,710 --> 00:40:22,003 - Bartender. - Yes, sir. 791 00:40:22,003 --> 00:40:23,713 - What'll you have, stranger? - Whiskey. 792 00:40:23,713 --> 00:40:24,964 Yes, sir. Coming right up. 793 00:40:24,964 --> 00:40:26,174 - There you are, sir. - Take that away. 794 00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:28,176 I want to get plastered, not waterlogged. 795 00:40:29,344 --> 00:40:30,511 Give me the other. 796 00:40:30,511 --> 00:40:31,429 - Yes, sir. - Come on! 797 00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:33,431 - Hurry up! - Yes, sir! There you are, sir. 798 00:40:40,063 --> 00:40:42,940 - Got any pretty gals around this town? - Pretty gals? 799 00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:15,765 Howdy, stranger. 800 00:41:16,516 --> 00:41:17,600 Howdy, gal. 801 00:41:18,267 --> 00:41:21,312 - Who are you? - I'm the new schoolmarm. 802 00:41:23,731 --> 00:41:24,815 Schoolmarm? 803 00:41:26,317 --> 00:41:27,360 What do you teach? 804 00:41:28,194 --> 00:41:29,737 What would you like to learn? 805 00:41:39,038 --> 00:41:40,957 You don't need no teachin'. 806 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:43,209 Where did you learn that? 807 00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:45,712 School. 808 00:41:46,212 --> 00:41:48,422 You learned that in school? 809 00:41:48,422 --> 00:41:49,424 Yep. 810 00:41:50,216 --> 00:41:51,217 Recess. 811 00:42:01,227 --> 00:42:02,562 What is that? 812 00:42:03,938 --> 00:42:04,939 That's my horse. 813 00:42:06,399 --> 00:42:08,484 I thought I told you to wait in the car. 814 00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:16,617 It's muy hot outside. 815 00:42:17,493 --> 00:42:18,578 How about that? 816 00:42:18,578 --> 00:42:20,455 An Arabian horse with a Cuban accent. 817 00:42:21,956 --> 00:42:25,501 - - 818 00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:42,518 Ain't you Dirty Miltie, the cattle rustler? 819 00:42:42,518 --> 00:42:43,770 Yep. 820 00:42:43,770 --> 00:42:46,064 I'm Dirty Miltie. Who are you? 821 00:42:46,731 --> 00:42:48,190 I'm the sheriff. 822 00:42:49,108 --> 00:42:50,193 Sure he's... 823 00:42:51,235 --> 00:42:53,613 You better watch your step, buster. 824 00:43:17,053 --> 00:43:18,346 Hau. 825 00:43:18,346 --> 00:43:20,056 Easy, you just put them hand to mouth and go... 826 00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:26,854 Ask 'em silly question, get 'em silly answer. 827 00:43:27,563 --> 00:43:29,690 Bartender, drinks for everybody, 828 00:43:29,690 --> 00:43:31,526 and that goes for you too. 829 00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:32,652 I'm buying. 830 00:43:34,402 --> 00:43:35,905 Them were the good old days. 831 00:43:36,572 --> 00:43:38,116 What do you mean "were"? 832 00:43:38,116 --> 00:43:39,200 Hey, look! 833 00:43:43,996 --> 00:43:47,208 ♪ Here comes the buckboard And the wagon train ♪ 834 00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:48,543 ♪ Across the plain ♪ 835 00:43:48,543 --> 00:43:52,046 ♪ And there's John Wayne, oh! ♪ 836 00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:55,675 ♪ Them there days were good old days ♪ 837 00:43:55,675 --> 00:43:59,219 ♪ And it's no wonder There's a Western craze ♪ 838 00:43:59,219 --> 00:44:02,306 ♪ Them there days were good old days ♪ 839 00:44:02,306 --> 00:44:04,684 ♪ And it's good to have 'em back again ♪ 840 00:44:13,901 --> 00:44:18,447 ♪ Used to be a snap To run the good old stores ♪ 841 00:44:18,447 --> 00:44:21,951 ♪ Just rake in the money and relax ♪ 842 00:44:22,451 --> 00:44:27,748 ♪ The most expensive items were The sawdust on the floors ♪ 843 00:44:27,748 --> 00:44:31,419 ♪ And the water that you poured Behind their backs ♪ 844 00:44:35,297 --> 00:44:40,178 ♪ Gals were what you couldn't Find enough of then ♪ 845 00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:43,472 ♪ All a lady had to do was wink ♪ 846 00:44:44,515 --> 00:44:46,851 ♪ The women were outnumbered ♪ 847 00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:49,520 ♪ And the men... ♪ 848 00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:54,192 ♪ Well, they were men ♪ 849 00:44:54,859 --> 00:44:59,155 ♪ So a lady never had to buy a drink ♪ 850 00:44:59,155 --> 00:45:00,656 ♪ You heard what she said ♪ 851 00:45:00,656 --> 00:45:03,075 ♪ A lady never had to buy a drink ♪ 852 00:45:04,452 --> 00:45:07,663 ♪ Them there days were good old days ♪ 853 00:45:07,663 --> 00:45:11,334 ♪ And it's no wonder There's a Western craze ♪ 854 00:45:11,334 --> 00:45:14,337 ♪ Them there days were good old days ♪ 855 00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:16,922 ♪ And it's good to have 'em back again ♪ 856 00:45:25,473 --> 00:45:29,393 ♪ Rustlers met their makers All along the trail ♪ 857 00:45:29,393 --> 00:45:32,605 ♪ Hanging from the limbs of mighty oaks ♪ 858 00:45:32,605 --> 00:45:35,065 ♪ For robbing banks or jumping claims ♪ 859 00:45:35,065 --> 00:45:36,651 ♪ They ended up in jail ♪ 860 00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:40,446 ♪ But they never hung a man For stealin' jokes ♪ 861 00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:52,333 Hey, Dirty Miltie, 862 00:45:52,333 --> 00:45:55,085 I'm gonna shoot you full of holes. 863 00:46:14,397 --> 00:46:15,398 You missed. 864 00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:21,946 He thought that he was-- 865 00:46:27,201 --> 00:46:28,577 Oh, no. 866 00:46:38,337 --> 00:46:39,213 Deal. 867 00:46:42,008 --> 00:46:43,050 Hey, bartender. 868 00:46:43,592 --> 00:46:45,219 - Yes, sir. - More whiskey. 869 00:46:45,219 --> 00:46:46,387 I'm running out. 870 00:46:46,387 --> 00:46:47,596 Coming right up. 871 00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:07,885 Ow! 872 00:48:08,511 --> 00:48:09,844 It was her. 873 00:48:18,270 --> 00:48:21,524 ♪ Them there days were good old days ♪ 874 00:48:21,524 --> 00:48:26,737 ♪ And it's good to have 'em back again ♪ 875 00:48:32,118 --> 00:48:34,745 - - 876 00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:44,505 Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. 877 00:48:44,505 --> 00:48:47,383 And we would like to thank Vivian Vance, William Frawley, 878 00:48:47,383 --> 00:48:49,844 Little Ricky and the entire cast for their performances tonight. 879 00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:52,388 And our special thanks to Mr. Television himself, 880 00:48:52,388 --> 00:48:54,556 - Milton Berle. - Well, that's for sure. 881 00:48:54,556 --> 00:48:58,477 By the way, Lucy and I will be on Milton's show, November 1st, 882 00:48:58,477 --> 00:48:59,687 over another network. 883 00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:01,897 That's right, you have to say "another network." 884 00:49:01,897 --> 00:49:03,607 They won't let you say NBC. 885 00:49:05,192 --> 00:49:07,695 I-I didn't say it. I just used the initials. 886 00:49:09,530 --> 00:49:11,991 - Well, next week on the Westinghouse... - Okay, Max. 887 00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:13,534 - ...Desilu-- - Over here. 888 00:49:14,326 --> 00:49:15,327 There we are. 889 00:49:15,953 --> 00:49:17,246 What's going on around here? 890 00:49:17,246 --> 00:49:20,248 You just-- Don't mind me, dear. Just go right on with what you're saying. 891 00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,502 As I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, 892 00:49:23,502 --> 00:49:26,547 next week on the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse 893 00:49:26,547 --> 00:49:27,547 we're gonna-- 894 00:49:28,047 --> 00:49:30,968 Lucy, would you mind telling me what's going on here? 895 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,511 You're supposed to be a cowboy. 896 00:49:33,179 --> 00:49:35,931 What kind of a cowboy wears an outfit like this? 897 00:49:35,931 --> 00:49:37,558 A cowboy with horse sense. 898 00:49:37,558 --> 00:49:41,937 Now, look, you draw your gun, yell ya-hoo, and pull the trigger. 899 00:49:41,937 --> 00:49:43,022 What? 900 00:49:43,022 --> 00:49:46,358 Yell ya-hoo as loud as you can and pull the trigger. Go on. 901 00:49:49,277 --> 00:49:50,279 Ya-hoo. 902 00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:54,992 This thing was loaded. 903 00:49:55,659 --> 00:49:57,286 I could've shot myself in the foot. 904 00:49:57,786 --> 00:50:00,539 In the hoof, dear. Come on, now, we gotta get you dressed. 905 00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:02,875 Wait a minute, when am I gonna tell the folks about the show? 906 00:50:02,875 --> 00:50:05,920 In a minute. Okay, Betty, let her rip! Come on. 907 00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:06,921 Thanks, Lucy. 908 00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:10,799 With that shot, Circle W Round-up time is here. 909 00:50:10,799 --> 00:50:14,261 Right now, we're rounding up all the old appliances in town, 910 00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:16,847 and giving really tremendous trade-ins on them. 911 00:50:16,847 --> 00:50:19,350 Circle W Round-up time means 912 00:50:19,350 --> 00:50:23,229 bigger trade-ins, bigger bargains, and wonderful free gifts. 913 00:50:23,229 --> 00:50:24,980 - Tell 'em, Ethel. - Okay. 914 00:50:25,606 --> 00:50:28,567 Now, during Westinghouse Circle W Round-up time, 915 00:50:28,567 --> 00:50:31,612 if you'll give a Westinghouse dealer two minutes of your time, 916 00:50:31,612 --> 00:50:36,116 he'll give you a wonderful new shape Westinghouse lightbulb, absolutely free. 917 00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:37,284 That's right. 918 00:50:37,284 --> 00:50:39,954 And he'll use that two minutes to demonstrate 919 00:50:39,954 --> 00:50:42,498 one of his new Westinghouse appliances. 920 00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:43,707 Show 'em, Tex. 921 00:50:46,126 --> 00:50:47,835 Howdy, partner. 922 00:50:47,835 --> 00:50:49,713 After a hard day punching cattle, 923 00:50:49,713 --> 00:50:51,966 the only thing that can get my clothes clean 924 00:50:51,966 --> 00:50:54,426 and free from sand and rattlesnakes, 925 00:50:54,426 --> 00:50:56,971 is this new Westinghouse laundromat. 926 00:50:57,555 --> 00:50:58,639 There, I said it. 927 00:50:59,348 --> 00:51:00,766 Yeah, and the way you said it, 928 00:51:00,766 --> 00:51:03,227 I think we would've been better off with one of the rattlesnakes. 929 00:51:03,727 --> 00:51:06,272 - I'm sorry, Betty. - Oh, that's all right, Lucy. 930 00:51:06,272 --> 00:51:09,608 I love telling people about this brand-new laundromat 931 00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:11,735 that has eight separate washing cycles. 932 00:51:11,735 --> 00:51:15,864 It also has the exclusive Westinghouse multi-speed agitator 933 00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:18,367 that changes speed to wash everything, 934 00:51:18,367 --> 00:51:20,411 and wash everything cleaner. 935 00:51:20,411 --> 00:51:24,748 Now, show them our beautiful new two-door 13 cubic foot refrigerator, Slim. 936 00:51:24,748 --> 00:51:27,334 Gladly, ma'am. Gladly. 937 00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:32,756 - This-- - Beautiful Westinghouse 938 00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:37,011 frost-free refrigerator holds up to six shopping bags full of food. 939 00:51:37,011 --> 00:51:42,141 What's more, our exclusive Westinghouse cold-injector refrigerating system, 940 00:51:42,141 --> 00:51:45,352 keeps that food fresh days longer than other refrigerators. 941 00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:48,063 - Tests prove it. - Yes, ma'am. 942 00:51:48,564 --> 00:51:49,815 Yessum. 943 00:51:49,815 --> 00:51:54,820 And say, this separate zero-degree Texas-style freezer 944 00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:58,157 holds over a hundred pounds of frozen foods. 945 00:51:58,657 --> 00:52:02,703 Betty, that refrigerator is at a special low price now too, huh? 946 00:52:02,703 --> 00:52:04,288 And how about all these freezers? 947 00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:06,040 Yes, everything's on sale. 948 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:09,835 It's all part of our big Westinghouse Circle W Round-up time. 949 00:52:09,835 --> 00:52:12,880 It has four burners, and it doesn't take up much room at all. 950 00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:15,716 Yeah, and look how much that king-size oven holds. 951 00:52:15,716 --> 00:52:16,634 Yeah. 952 00:52:16,634 --> 00:52:21,555 Why, even this new 1960 Westinghouse imperial roll-about dishwasher 953 00:52:21,555 --> 00:52:24,224 is at a special introductory price. 954 00:52:24,224 --> 00:52:27,811 Yes, now is the time to see your Westinghouse dealer. 955 00:52:27,811 --> 00:52:29,146 Now, during... 956 00:52:29,730 --> 00:52:31,273 Look out with that thing, will ya. 957 00:52:33,192 --> 00:52:34,526 Scared you, huh? 958 00:52:34,526 --> 00:52:37,154 Circle W Round-up time. 959 00:52:37,154 --> 00:52:39,448 You'll see all the special values 960 00:52:39,448 --> 00:52:41,033 available on laundromats, 961 00:52:41,533 --> 00:52:43,202 refrigerators, 962 00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:45,871 all the wonderful Westinghouse appliances. 963 00:52:45,871 --> 00:52:50,751 So, for your free lightbulb and the biggest bargains of the year, 964 00:52:50,751 --> 00:52:53,921 see your cooperating Westinghouse dealer tomorrow. 965 00:52:53,921 --> 00:52:55,881 - And don't forget-- - Hold it. 966 00:52:56,547 --> 00:52:59,259 - Tonight I'm gonna say it. - It's my line. 967 00:52:59,259 --> 00:53:01,011 - My gun. - I'm sorry. 968 00:53:01,011 --> 00:53:02,304 I warned you. 969 00:53:05,099 --> 00:53:08,602 You can be sure if it's Westinghouse. 970 00:53:09,436 --> 00:53:13,940 Ayayaya. My show, the gun won't shoot, I can't say the line. 971 00:53:13,940 --> 00:53:15,359 I didn't even get a lightbulb. 972 00:53:23,826 --> 00:53:24,827 Hmm. 973 00:53:25,327 --> 00:53:26,536 Isn't this amazing? 974 00:53:27,371 --> 00:53:28,455 What a medium. 975 00:53:29,373 --> 00:53:31,250 Ladies and gentlemen, next week, 976 00:53:31,250 --> 00:53:35,629 the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse is going to be very proud to bring you 977 00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:38,716 Mr. Joseph Cotten and Miss Virginia Grey 978 00:53:38,716 --> 00:53:41,552 in a most unusual and thrilling Western story called 979 00:53:41,552 --> 00:53:43,303 "The Day the Town Stood Up." 980 00:53:43,303 --> 00:53:46,515 I hope you'll all be with us next week for this most exciting Western. 981 00:53:46,515 --> 00:53:48,350 Good night and thank you. 982 00:53:51,018 --> 00:53:55,315 The Westinghouse Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show. 983 00:53:55,315 --> 00:53:57,192 Directed by Desi Arnaz. 984 00:53:57,735 --> 00:53:59,820 Written by Bob Schiller and Bob Weiskopf. 985 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:03,741 Script consultants Madelyn Martin and Bob Carroll, Jr. 986 00:54:04,366 --> 00:54:06,076 Produced by Bert Granet. 987 00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:10,038 Executive producer Desi Arnaz. 988 00:54:10,038 --> 00:54:12,666 Featured in tonight's cast was Elvia Allman, 989 00:54:12,666 --> 00:54:15,294 with Sid Melton, Frank Mitchell, Walter Pietila. 990 00:54:16,545 --> 00:54:18,338 Give as generously as you can 991 00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:21,091 to the United Community Campaign in your community. 992 00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:23,218 It helps more people, saves more lives, 993 00:54:23,218 --> 00:54:27,055 saves the time of the contributor and the volunteer, saves money. 994 00:54:27,055 --> 00:54:29,683 The United way is the most economical way. 995 00:54:29,683 --> 00:54:33,270 Don't forget next week the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse 996 00:54:33,270 --> 00:54:36,231 will present "The Day the Town Stood Up, " 997 00:54:36,231 --> 00:54:38,317 starring Joseph Cotten, 998 00:54:38,317 --> 00:54:42,154 costarring Virginia Grey, James Gregory and Clu Gulager. 999 00:54:42,154 --> 00:54:46,033 The Westinghouse Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show 1000 00:54:46,033 --> 00:54:47,618 is a Desilu production 1001 00:54:47,618 --> 00:54:50,204 brought to you by Westinghouse and filmed by Desilu. 76004

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