Original subtitles

Westinghouse,

first with the future,

presents...

The Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show.

With special guest star Maurice Chevalier.

And, of course, Vivian Vance, William Frawley and Little Ricky.

Thank you.

Thank you very much, and good evening ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to another new season.

You know, this year we are especially proud and thrilled

to be associated with our new sponsor, Westinghouse.

Because in addition to the special one-hour shows

that Lucy and I plan to do for you,

we are also going to present the brand-new Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse,

which starts next week at the same time.

But I'll tell you more about that after our show,

which opens tonight at the Hotel del Coronado

near San Diego, California.

See, the band and I are doing a USO show for the navy down there

with that great entertainer Maurice Chevalier.

♪ When an irresistible force such as you ♪

♪ Meets an old immovable object like me ♪

♪ You can bet, as sure as you live ♪

♪ Something got to give ♪

♪ Something got to give Something got to give ♪

[Ricky] I said no Tijuana!

Well, why not? Mexico is only a few minutes from here.

That is not the point.

You have already spent too much money shopping in San Diego.

[Lucy] Oh, all I bought were a couple of knickknacks.

- [Ricky] What about these? - [Lucy] All right.

♪ Don't say no, because I insist... ♪

[Ricky] When your own wife starts hiding packages...

♪ Somewhere, somehow Someone's gonna be kissed ♪

♪ So, en garde... ♪

Honestly, your only aim in life is to keep me from getting the things I want.

Since we've been here, my aim's been none too good.

[Ethel] Oh, you're a riot. A real riot.

- [Fred] Can't you pipe down? - [Ethel] No, I can't pipe down.

- [Fred] Is that so? - [Ethel] Yeah, that's so.

[Ricky] If I want to get angry, I'll get angry.

♪ So fight, fight, fight, fight With all of our might ♪

♪ Chances are some Heavenly star-spangled night ♪

♪ We'll find out as sure as we live ♪

♪ Something's gotta give ♪

- -

I said no more shopping.

You're growing up to be a mean old man!

- And you are not growing up at all. - Is that so?

- Yes, that is so! - Well, let me tell you--

Oh, honey, doesn't Little Ricky look cute?

Yeah, he sure does.

- Get ready for dress rehearsal, Daddy. - Oh, all right, Son.

Mr. Chevalier and I will be down in a couple of minutes.

You know, honey, he gets to look more like you every day.

- You think so? - Yes, I do.

Especially when he wears that little coat and the hat and everything.

Why can't I go shopping? Give me one good reason.

I've given you 50 reasons.

I know that, but you haven't given me one good one!

I said no!

But, Ricky, prices in Mexico are half what they are here,

so the more I spend, the more you save.

With that kind of logic,

you're gonna save me right into the poorhouse.

You sound like you've been taking cheapskate lessons from Fred Mertz!

Now look, Lucy, we came here in a USO tour, not on a shopping tour.

- Oh, very funny. -

Yes?

[Chevalier] Ricky, I'm ready for rehearsal.

Oh, yes, Maurice.

I bet if Maurice Chevalier was married, he'd let his wife go shopping in Tijuana.

- Shh! - Oh, "shh" yourself!

- Hello, Maurice. Come in. - Good day, Lucy.

- How have you been today? - Fine, thank you, Mr. Chevalier.

Good. And how do you feel, Ricky?

- I'm fine. - Fine?

I-I hope we did not disturb you.

Disturb me? Why-- Oh, these!

Oh, no, no, no.

I always wear these for rehearsal, you see.

It's to avoid confusion

because I was singing in English,

and my pianist always plays in French.

That's the reason.

- Oh, I see. - Oh.

- I'll be right with you, Maurice. - Good.

Mr. Chevalier, I'd like to ask you a question.

If-- If you were married and your wife wanted to go shopping in Tijuana--

- Lucy? - What?

I don't think that we should bother Mr. Chevalier with our domestic problems.

I'm not bothering him. I just want to ask him a question.

- Lucy. - Maybe I'd better come back.

No, no, don't-- don't go, Mr. Chevalier. I just want to ask you a simple question.

Lucy, I told you that I don't think

we should bother Mr. Chevalier with our family arguments.

We are not arguing. This is a matter of principle.

- I'll be back. - No, Mr. Chevalier,

- I just want to ask you... - Lucy!

- ...one little question. - I-I-I'll be back.

- No, no, Mr. Chevalier, wait-- Oh! - [Chevalier] Oh!

Mr. Chevalier, I'm so sorry.

- Now look what you've done! - I'm sorry.

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.

- What are you doing? - Counting to five.

It's an old French custom. It keeps me from getting excited or upset.

Oh, now, Fred, things are half price in Mexico.

If you give me $20, I'll save you $20.

You're gonna save me $40 because I'm not giving you the 20.

Oh!

- Ethel, Fred. - Hi, Ricky.

- Hello, hello. - Hello.

- Oh. - Hello. B-Bonjour, Ethel.

- Bonjour, Mr. Chevalier. - Bonjour, Fred.

Hiya, Maurie.

Uh-- Uh, Maurice, I think that we'd better go to our rehearsal.

[Maurice] Yes, yes, uh...

[Lucy] Well, what about us? What are we gonna do all day?

Well, you can stay in the hotel. There's a lot of things to do around here.

How about watching our rehearsal?

It might be a lot of... fun.

Your rehearsal. Yeah. That's a great idea, isn't it, Ethel?

Well, personally, I'd rather see the show--

We'd love to watch rehearsal, wouldn't we, Ethel?

We would?

Yes. As a matter of fact,

as long as Ricky doesn't want me to go shopping in Tijuana,

I could be in the show.

I could do a duet with Mr. Chevalier.

Think of it, two Maurice Chevaliers.

♪ Every little breeze ♪

♪ Seems to whisper Louise ♪

♪ Birds in the trees Seem to twitter Louise ♪

♪ Each little rose ♪

♪ Tells me it knows I love you Love you... ♪

- Here. - Ten dollars?

♪ Every little breeze Seems to whisper Louise... ♪

All right, all right. All right, dear.

Oh, thank you, dear. Come on, Ethel.

- Okay, give me some money, Fred. - Wait a minute.

You don't do an imitation of Chevalier.

No, but Lucy and I do a very cute dance together, don't we, girl?

- We sure do. - Fred, cough up. Give her the money.

Oh...

Thank you.

- [Lucy] So long. - [Chevalier] Would you mind, ladies,

getting me a bottle of French perfume in Mexico

so that I could take it back to Paris with me?

You want us to get you French perfume in Mexico to take back to Paris?

Oui, because in France, who can afford French perfume?

- [Ethel] Oh. - [Lucy laughs] Hadn't thought of that.

- Hey, Fred. - We'd be glad to, Mr. Chevalier.

- Thank you. - Why don't you go with the girls, huh?

Oh, Ricky, giving Ethel the money was painful enough.

Watching her spend it would be slow torture.

- Rick, we don't need him. - No, we don't want Fred along with us.

Just a minute, please, if you don't mind.

Fred, I want you to go and keep an eye on the girls.

We are good neighbors with the Republic of Mexico.

Let's keep it that way.

Oh, push-tush.

Never mind push-tush.

When you're down there, buy a dozen pair of maracas.

I need it for the fiesta number for tonight.

- Okay. All right. - Thanks.

Well, come on, let's get going. I got to get back.

- Back for what? - Back for lunch.

This hotel's on the American plan,

and if there's one thing I am, it's a good American.

Well, bully for him.

Sheesh! Well, so long.

- We're off to old Mexico! - Let's go!

♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha La la la la la ♪

♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha La la la la la la ♪

Ayayay.

Lucy and Ethel in Mexico, I'm telling you.

Look, Ricky, you're causing yourself an awful lot of aggravation.

- Well, I-- - You know, when I was your age,

I-I-I felt about the same way, especially about women.

I even had to take pills to quiet my nerves.

But through the years,

I've learned that life is like a French horn.

If you blow gently,

you will tout de suite.

And so I let nothing disturb me.

Well, maybe I'm the worrying type,

but you don't know what I go through with this group.

- Oh, I'm telling you. - But instead of worrying,

why don't you count, Ricky?

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.

And you'll live a lot longer.

- Count, huh? - Yes.

- -

♪ La-di-da, da, la, da, da ♪

Look at that. That donkey is never gonna move.

No wonder, with Ethel braying like that, he thinks he's found his mate.

Buenos días, señora.

Need Spanish interpreter?

Only 50 cents.

No thanks, sonny.

She hears all the Spanish she wants at home free.

Maybe you need a guide.

Alfredo has special tour. Only 50 cents.

Oh, isn't he cute?

No thanks, Alfredo, but we're not gonna be here that long.

Ha, ha! Yay!

- -

I'm sorry, but we have to leave soon.

Why? You don't like Tijuana?

Oh, it's not that.

It's just that my husband has to do a show in San Diego on an aircraft carrier.

An aircraft carrier!

Never have I seen a real americano flattop!

Señora, you take Alfredo with you,

I'll be your guide at no charge.

I'm sorry, but that's impossible.

Please, señora, please.

¡Señora!

- Señora. -

Here comes that cop again.

Señora, you're holding up traffic.

Oh, I'm sorry, I was just talking to that little boy.

I know you were talking to that little boy, but still, you're holding up traffic.

- I'm sorry. - All right, move along.

- Come on. -

- There's a place to park. - Okay.

Buenos días, señor.

Would you like to buy a basket?

Not today. I'm waiting for my wife.

Oh, señor, it is a beautiful basket.

It is handmade, señor.

- Not today. Not today. - Hand painted.

- We sell it to you very cheap, señor. - No, not today.

Jose, Jose.

- Are you crazy? - What do you mean?

You are new in this business.

Mira, hombre.

If you show that you are so eager to sell them something,

how can you bargain with them?

You have to bargain?

Those turistas, they expect it.

Mira, it is one of the national pastimes in America.

- Baseball, basketball and bargaining. - But the sign--

But who believes in signs? Please. Ándele, vamos, vamos.

Oh, Lucy, look at all this stuff.

This $20 is burning a hole in my pocket.

Lucy, look at this beautiful basket!

- I'm gonna buy it. - Oh, Ethel, are you crazy?

- What do you mean? - You just don't go in and buy something.

First you have to haggle.

- Oh, do you have to haggle? - Sure. They expect it.

It's one of the national pastimes of Mexico.

Jai alai, horse racing and haggling.

But how can you haggle? The sign says six dollars.

Who believes in signs? We can get it much cheaper.

- Just pretend you don't like anything. - Shh!

Ethel, did you ever see anything so ugly in your life?

No, it would look just hideous in front of my fireplace.

Yeesh! I can hardly stand to look at it.

Me too.

Are you interested in this basket?

That old thing? Certainly not.

I'm glad.

You see, this is the last one in Mexico, and it's not for sale.

Not for sale--

If it was for sale,

how much would you charge us to take it off your hands?

Nine dollars.

But the sign says six.

Oh, sí.

How many times must I tell you to be more careful?

Would you take six?

- I would... - Sold!

...if it was for sale.

But, like I said before, it's not.

Well, Ethel, if it isn't for sale, we might as well go somewhere else.

Adios.

- Three dollars. - Nine.

- Four. - Eight.

- Five. - Seven.

- Six. - Sold!

Oh!

There you are.

Oh, thank you, honey.

- Pay the man. - Oh, yes, of course.

- Goodbye. - Thank you.

- Come back again. - Yeah, we certainly shall.

Well, Ethel, you have just had a first-class lesson in haggling

from the queen of the hagglers.

I sure have.

Too bad that perfume for Maurice used up so much of our quota.

Yeah, I sure hated to pass up those darling cashmere sweaters.

So did I.

But at least you got me a bargain in my basket,

and I just love it.

Baskets, baskets.

Cheap baskets, señora.

Only a dollar and a half.

A bargain, señora.

Baskets, baskets, handmade baskets.

Señora, you wish to buy more souvenirs?

No, thanks, Alfredo.

We just haggled away our whole quota.

How about tickets? Tijuana bullring. Only 50 cents.

No, we haven't got time to go to a bullfight.

We're leaving right now for Coronado.

But señora, señora, carry packages to the car?

Only 50 cents.

Well, all right. You can carry these. And put them in the trunk.

Wait a minute now, I'll give you the key.

There you are.

[Fred] Now, come on. Let's hurry up so we don't miss lunch.

- Oh, we'll do that. - Yes, Fred, okay.

Here, señora, this is for trunk.

Okay, and here is your 50 cents.

Gracias, señora. Anything else for trunk?

No, that's all, Alfredo. Would you close it for me, please?

Please, señora, take me with you.

All my life I've wanted to see a great aircraft carrier.

I'm sorry, Alfredo. I can't take you with me.

- For corn's sake, let's get going. - All right, all right.

Maybe we'll meet again soon.

Sí, maybe. Adios.

- What a sweet little guy. - Yeah.

Too bad we couldn't take him with us.

- Hello, there. - Hi.

All American citizens?

- We sure are. - And proud of it.

Anything to declare?

Um, just some souvenirs and a bottle of French perfume.

May I see the perfume, please?

Well, it's-- it's way in the trunk with some other things.

Open the trunk, please?

Oh, man, can't we go through, please?

Our hotel's on the American plan, and I don't want to miss lunch.

Open the trunk, please?

Oh, all right.

Let's see now.

The key.

The key. It's a separate key.

It's not up there on the key ring.

Look, would you hold on to that for me?

Don't drop it. It has a breakable mirror in there.

I'm gonna have to take everything out, I guess.

Oh, what do you know. Look at these.

Carry them everywhere, never get a chance to wear them.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

I found my tweezers.

- Ethel, I found the tweezers! - No kidding.

I've been looking for these ever since we left New York.

Madam, may I see the perfume?

- Oh, that's in the trunk. - I know.

Hey, wouldn't smelling it be enough? They gave me a sample.

Madam, I've got to see it.

My goodness. You'd think we were international smugglers or something.

Well ...

I know it's in here someplace.

Here it is. There you are.

- Would you open it, please? - Oh.

There you are.

The perfume is right there in the basket next to Alfredo.

- Alfredo! - Now you come out of there!

Adios, señora. We meet again.

Hey, you!

[Lucy] Alfredo!

I didn't know he was in there, honest.

No, he was just trying to get on board the aircraft carrier.

Aircraft carrier?

Yes, you see--

I see you've got a lot of explaining to do.

Charlie, take over, will you?

I've got a couple of hot ones here.

Now, you just pull up over there.

Yes, sir.

There goes lunch.

♪ We're having a gala fiesta ♪

♪ It's the Desi and Lucy Fiesta ♪

♪ Where the Westinghouse buys Are the best-a ♪

♪ Appliance values in town ♪

♪ Olé, come today ♪

[Ricky] All right, boys. Let's go, it's a dress rehearsal.

The last time we're gonna do it, all the way from the top.

Alvin, give me a downbeat.

♪ Tú y yo ♪

♪ Y solo tú y yo ♪

♪ Valentina ♪

♪ Otra niña nunca mas ♪

♪ Tra-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Eres tú mi única ilusión ♪

♪ Valentina ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪

Whoop!

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you true and true ♪

♪ Valentina ♪

♪ Love me too ♪

♪ Please do, please do, please do ♪

♪ And I'll be a slave to you ♪

♪ Tra-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Life would be, my darling, heavenly ♪

♪ Valentina ♪

♪ Say you love me like I love you ♪

♪ Please do, please do-do-do ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you, Valentina ♪

♪ Valentina ♪

♪ Say you love me like I love you ♪

♪ Please do, please do-do-do ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you, Valentina ♪

They're very good, the kids, huh?

Oh, how about that? Wonderful, Ricky.

- Thanks, Daddy. - [Ricky laughing]

- Telephone, Mr. Ricardo. - Okay.

It's from your wife.

Excuse me a minute. I gotta go to the phone.

Thank you very much.

Hello. Hi, honey.

Are you back?

You're where?

Where?

What are you doing there?

You're what?

They are?

Lucy, I told you not to--

I am not yelling at you!

All right, all right, now, look, look, look.

Look, stop crying.

Look, honey, stop crying.

I'll get a cab from the hotel and I'll come right down and get you.

Yeah, just stay right there.

Ricky, you're getting excited again.

I got a right to get excited.

You know where Lucy is?

She's in the Mexican border.

They're holding her there for smuggling!

- Smuggling? - Yeah, smuggling!

I got that part, Ricardo.

Your wife's a smuggler.

No, no, no, sir! No, no.

She's just been accused of being a smuggler.

See, the whole thing was a mistake, sir.

She was down here in Tijuana with Fred and Ethel Mertz.

Mertz? Who's that?

What?

What's a band "manier"?

A band manager.

Why didn't you say so?

Vouch for them?

All right. Put him on.

Actors! I've been leery of actors ever since I saw The Caine Mutiny. Yes.

Well, I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but we can't be too careful nowadays.

Oh, yes, sir. Very well, sir.

The admiral's been kind enough to vouch for you.

You're all released on your good behavior.

- Oh, my! - Yeah, you see, honey?

Nothing to it.

Nothing to it, huh?

All it took to get you out of this mess is the United States Navy.

Now, look, we're all going straight back to the hotel

and stay there until showtime.

- Yes, sir. - Come on. Let's go.

Fred, I'll go with the girls and you drive Maurice.

- All right. - Maurice? What's he doing here?

Sleeping in the car.

He came down to keep me calm,

and he got so calm keeping me calm that he fell asleep.

- Come on. Let's go. - All right.

Ricky and Maurice, that's two more quotas.

We can go back and get those cashmere sweaters.

Are you crazy?

Come on. Let's go.

Leave it to me. Ricky?

Ricky, it's a shame. A crying shame.

What's a shame?

That you're so close to beautiful, picturesque, romantic Mexico,

and you're not gonna get a chance to see it.

You're thinking of beautiful, picturesque, romantic shopping.

You can't pull the wool over my eyes.

Isn't wool. It's cashmere.

I found the most beautiful cashmere sweaters.

Nothing doing.

Just like the ones at the hotel.

Then buy them at the hotel.

That's telling them, Rick. I'm on your side.

They cost six dollars in Tijuana and 22.50 at the hotel.

Sorry, Rick, I just deserted to the enemy.

Why didn't you buy the sweaters when you were in Tijuana?

Because we couldn't.

We had to buy Maurice's perfume and it cut into our quota.

Ah, come on, honey.

What do you say, huh?

I say, "phew," and, "no."

Come on. We gotta get back to rehearse the fiesta number.

Holy cow!

Now what's the matter?

I forgot to buy the maracas.

Oh, brother.

I sent you down here to do two things:

to keep the girls out of trouble and to buy some maracas.

Little Ricky could have done a better job.

Look, I didn't want to go in the first place.

It cost me 20 bucks and I blew a free lunch,

so I'm in no mood for any of your Latin lip.

All right, come on. Let's go get the maracas.

And the sweaters.

All right. I'd rather have you with me than running around loose.

[Ethel] Oh!

Hello, Maurice.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Did you have a good nap? - Yeah.

You were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to disturb you.

Where are we anyway?

- Mexico. - Yeah.

Mexico. Oh.

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.

What's the matter?

According to my visa, if I leave the United States without permission,

I cannot return.

Ayayayayay...

But we won't worry until we have to.

I'm sure the border officials will understand.

Of course they will. You're a big celebrity.

Everybody knows who you are.

Yeah, well, just in case there's any delay, we'd better get going.

Come on, folks, huh?

Oh, honey, just to save time, will you get my car? It's right around the corner.

- Okay. - I got our sweaters.

- Permit me, permit me. - Oh, thank you, Mr. Chevalier.

Our car is that convertible out there. The trunk is unlocked.

- Come on, Ethel. - [Ethel] Okay.

- Come on. What are you waiting for? - I just bought a piggy bank.

How do you do?

Buenos días.

But you don't look very comfortable in there.

Señor, I will do anything to see the great aircraft carrier.

Oh, you are the little boy

who tried to sneak his way across the border.

Shh! I give you ticket to bullfight if you let me stay.

But this is against the law, mon petit.

Please, señor. When you were a little boy, didn't you not want to see a carrier?

When I was a little boy, the only carriers were pigeons.

Now, come on.

There you are.

Huh?

- Wait, wait. Where do you go? - My hat, señor, my hat.

- I'll get it for you. - Gracias.

Look out, señor!

Señora, señora, the trunk!

- Alfredo, what are you doing here? - The trunk!

You know I can't take you in the trunk.

- Haven't you caused me enough trouble? - The trunk! The trunk!

- [Alfredo speaking Spanish] - I can't take you in the trunk.

- Señora! The trunk! - Here comes a whole parade.

It must be for the bullfight. We'd better get going.

- Señora! The trunk! - I can't take you in the trunk.

- Señora, señora! - Listen, listen.

Will you run in that store and tell my husband, Señor Ricardo,

that we'll wait for them at the border?

- Yeah, we're sorry. - Señora, señora! The trunk!

Get in the store and tell my husband.

- But the trunk-- - Go on now.

- Lucy! - Will you go in there and tell my husband?

Look at Ricky's trunk. I'll have to close it.

No, never mind. He'll notice the trunk.

- Will you go in there-- - We have to go.

- The trunk! The trunk! - A whole parade's coming.

There's a parade coming.

- We gotta go. - The trunk! The trunk!

Tell my husband we'll wait for him at the border!

The trunk! The trunk!

¡Señor Ricardo!

- ¡Señor Ricardo! - What's the matter, amigo?

Your wife just drove away with a man in her trunk.

A man in her trunk? Who?

A big man who talks French.

Fred! Hurry up!

I haven't got my change yet.

The girls just drove away with Chevalier in the trunk!

Just mail my change, care of Fred Mertz, Devil's Island.

Come on! Excuse me.

[Fred] Gangway, gangway, señor!

- Hey, amigo, will you close the trunk? - Sí, señor.

- [Ricky] Thank you. -

Here comes Smiley.

Hi, there. Remember us?

- The smugglers. -

Anything further to declare?

Uh, just some maracas and a couple of cashmere sweaters.

That puts you over your quota. You'll have to pay duty on the sweaters.

Uh, no, you see, there are two more in our party, and we used their quota.

They'll be along any minute now.

They're back in the line there, about a half of a mile, I'd say.

Would you open the trunk, please?

I already told you all we have are the maracas and two cashmere sweaters.

May I see the sweaters, please?

Boy, you don't trust anybody, do you?

I hope you like my sweater. It's pink.

Un, deux, trois...

Pull that car back, please.

What are you doing?

Uh, you've heard of the Mexican hat dance.

This is a variation, the Mexican trunk dance.

May I see the sweaters, please?

Uh-- Uh, would you turn off the motor? I'm kind of low on gas.

- I'll do it. - Let him do it!

You don't know how.

Stop that.

- The motor's off. - Thank you.

Now, may I see the sweaters, please?

Now, look, these sweaters are just like any other sweaters,

only they're cashmere.

Cashmere comes from goats.

You know--

The sweaters.

Yes, sir, the sweaters.

Lemme see, the sweaters.

- There you are. - What's that?

That's a-- a hand-knit sweater.

The hand is still knitting it.

Back to work.

Uh, inspector,

I'd like to present that famous French singing star,

Mr. Maurice Chevalier.

Bonjour, Monsieur Inspecteur.

- How did he get in there? - Don't ask me.

Well, I'm asking you, madam.

Uh, this is, um, my visa, and this is my passport.

Say, Mr. Chevalier, it isn't every day I get a chance

to meet one of the world's greatest entertainers.

Oh, thank you very much. You flatter me.

Now, this is nothing personal, Mr. Chevalier,

but you're under arrest.

Arrest?

For what?

For entering Mexico without permission

and reentering the United States illegally.

I'm sorry.

Lucy!

Lucy!

Chevalier is in your trunk!

- Oh, hello, Maurice. - Hello, Ricky.

- What happened? Everything all right? - Everything is fine, Ricky.

I'm under arrest.

But it doesn't matter. He's sorry.

Well, look, I'll go across the border and get the admiral.

He'll straighten everything out.

Just a moment.

For what?

- Where were you born? - Cuba.

You an American citizen?

- Yes. - Can you prove it?

Of course.

You remember him. He's my husband.

That's why I'm asking him.

Let me see your citizenship papers.

Huh! I don't carry my citizenship papers around with me.

- Oh. - Oh, what?

Oh, brother.

Look, I told you I am an American citizen.

I'm sorry, I can't let you back in the United States until you prove it.

But I was in the army.

Which army?

The American Army!

I got the good conduct medal!

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Who have you got in your trunk, Brigitte Bardot?

We should be so lucky.

Now, just a minute.

Just a cotton-pickin' minute.

Just because there was one small, unfortunate incident,

it doesn't mean that we're all a bunch of crooks.

Who have I got in my trunk?

I'd be very happy to show you my trunk.

Just because I speak with a little accent, you know, it doesn't mean that--

Adios.

[Lucy] Alfredo!

[Ricky] Hey, you!

I don't know--

Admiral, sir.

Admiral, sir!

What is it?

It's the Mexican border again, sir.

Those same people.

I can't talk now! I've got 40 planes in the air!

Well?

The admiral can't be reached.

But we got to do the show!

Just a minute.

Nobody leaves until I get an official okay.

Ricky, your top is starting to blow again.

With her as my wife, it's a wonder I got any top left to blow.

- Lucy, I-- -

Lucy, please stop.

I can't stand to see a woman cry.

Boy, are you with the wrong crowd.

Well, Maurice, what do we do now? Start counting or take pills?

No, no, no. You only take pills when there is no place to turn.

Let me see.

- There must be somebody who can help us. - Who?

How about the Red Cross?

How about my mother?

Your mother?

Wait, wait, wait, wait. The American consul.

- There must be one in Tijuana. - There is.

Well, suppose we get his okay?

If the consul wants to intervene, that's his responsibility.

Well, you see, all we got to do is go get the consul. Come on, everybody.

Just a minute. I'm not letting the whole gang of you run loose in Tijuana.

One of you go. The others will have to stay here in custody.

Okay, I'll go. Excuse me.

Now, honey, don't you get into any trouble.

How could I possibly get into any trouble?

You will be here.

What a sight.

Sleeping beauty and the beast.

I'm hungry.

Uh, is there anyplace to eat around here?

There's a sandwich machine down the hall, but nobody leaves this building.

Oh, no, sir.

- You want a sandwich? - No, thanks.

Psst, señora!

Alfredo, how did you get here?

I crawl through hole in fence.

Well, you can just crawl right back.

You don't know the trouble you've caused me.

A thousand pardons, señora,

but I've come to your assistance, like US Marines.

See? For you, señora, ticket to bullfight.

Now, why would I want to go to a bullfight?

The American consul goes to bullfight every Sunday.

The American consul.

Oh, my gosh! Poor Ricky.

Come quickly, señora.

We drive to the arena and save whole situation.

Lucy, I brought you a sandwich.

Where's Lucy?

Hey! Stop that car!

Mexican border guard and step on it!

Roberto!

- Hey. - Headquarters just called.

They want you to be on the lookout for...

Lookout for who?

On the lookout for her.

¡Señora!

- Here's the ticket, señora. - Thank you.

The box to the consul is in the front row

- with a red, white and blue banner. - Okay.

- Come quickly, señora! This way! - What?

Come on. There she is.

Just a minute, señora.

- You cannot go through here. - Who said so, old man?

Pardon me. Where can I find the American consul?

Over there behind the red, white and blue banner.

- Oh, thank you very much. - I'm sorry, señora.

You have to go around.

Oh, but I have a ticket.

I'm sorry.

Señora.

¡Señora!

Well, she didn't go far.

Have you seen an American lady with red hair?

Sí, many times.

All right, all right. Mind if we come in?

- What's he doing in Tijuana? - Listen, I-- Oh.

Oh, Admiral, I'm so glad to see you.

I couldn't find the American "coonsul" anywhere.

American "coonsul"?

He means consul, sir.

Well, whatever it is.

Ricardo, I am here now.

I vouch for the whole bunch.

Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Well, come on. Let's go.

Where's Lucy?

Ethel?

Uh, Lucy?

Fred?

Lucy who?

Maurice?

Fred?

Where's my wife?

Well, according to the last report from the Tijuana Police,

she was seen going into the bullfight.

Police?

Bullfight?

Señora, stop!

Señora, stop!

- Where is she? - Who?

- The red-headed woman. - No sé.

- No, no, no, señor, no! - Why?

- The bull is in there. - Oh.

Let's go, boys.

Ah!

Hi, nice bull.

Cut it out now.

Don't let the outfit fool you. I'm on your side.

I-I-I'm just here to see the American consul.

You know, el consul americano?

Uh, quit that now.

Quit it. Oh. Oh.

Y-Y-You like French perfume?

Well, here.

Here. Here you are.

Ah, nice.

Say, are you sure you're a bull?

There was this bull like you. His name was Ferdinand.

Listen, I got to get out of here. My husband will kill me.

Why don't you lie down like a nice little bull?

Yeah, here. You can have that.

That's a good fellow. You just take a nice nap.

Señores y señoras,

bull number one, the very ferocious Maximiliano.

Number one?

Maximiliano!

Hi, Max.

I don't know why they think you're so ferocious. You're a perfect gentleman.

I just wish you could show me how to get out of here. That's all.

Thanks.

¡Ándele, toro, ándele, ándele!

¡Ándele!

Pedro, send in the second bull.

Watch out, Max. You'll hurt somebody.

Thanks. Gee, for a nice bull, you sure got those cops buffaloed.

- -

For heaven's sake, Max, stop being such a ham.

I know you're just bluffing.

Shame on you. I haven't got time to play games.

I told you, I have to talk to the consul or my husband will kill me.

Now, just a minute.

Now, look, if you're gonna be stubborn ...

You come over here. I'll just have to take the bull by the horns.

Now you get over here and I'll introduce you

to some of the other bullfighters.

¡Olé!

¡Olé!

- Max! - ¡Olé!

You're gonna listen to me.

Max, please.

- Oh, honestly, Max, you must be part mule. - ¡Olé!

Max, honestly.

You are really...

- Max! - ¡Olé!

Would you mind taking this bull off my hands?

I'm in a terrible hurry.

- - Ha, toro.

¡Olé!

Señora, look out!

Now look what you've done. Tearing that poor man's cape.

Do you know what this material costs a yard?

- For heaven's sake. - ¡Olé!

Señora, look out!

Really!

- Señora, my cape! - ¡Olé!

Please, señora, my cape, my cape!

All right, all right. You don't have to get so excited.

Señora, have you no fear? That bull is ferocious.

Ferocious? Maximiliano?

Maximiliano? That's Galardo.

- Who? - Galardo, he's a killer.

He's a ki--

¡Olé!

- Oh! - Excuse me.

Mira. Mira, toro, mira. Mira, toro, mira. Mira, bonito. Mira, chiquito, ha, ha.

Hold still, señora. In case you move, he will charge.

Here he comes. He must have seen my teeth chattering.

Mira, toro. Mira.

Mira, toro, aquí.

¡Olé! ¡Olé!

- Give me that! - Señora, let go of my cape.

You let go.

Please, señora, I want it to save your life.

What do you think I want it for? To wear to a dance?

Señora, here comes the bull!

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Now, stop it!

¡Olé!

¡Olé!

¡Olé!

My name is Ricky Ricardo. I'm looking for my wife.

- Your wife? - ¡Olé!

- ¡Olé! - ¡Olé!

- ¡Olé! - Magnificent! What about your wife?

Well, she came here to see you. She must be here someplace.

- ¡Olé! - [Ricky] ¡Olé!

Excuse me. This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

- What's that? - ¡Olé!

- [Ricky] ¡Olé! - That red-headed bullfighter.

- [Ricky] Oh. ¡Olé! - ¡Olé!

¡Olé!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy!

Lucy, hurry up!

[Chevalier] ♪ Mimi, you funny little Good-for-nothing Mimi ♪

♪ Am I the guy? ♪

♪ Mimi, you sunny little honey of a Mimi ♪

♪ I'm aiming high ♪

♪ Mimi, you've got me sad and dreamy ♪

♪ You could free me if you'd see me ♪

♪ Mimi, you know I'd like to have ♪

♪ A little son of a Mimi by and by ♪

You know, gentlemen,

the American public and myself have been friends for so long now--

Because 30 years is a long time in anybody's life or in any country--

That I really feel I've become now

a sort of an American Parisian, you see?

And it is with that sentiment that I'm going to sing for you

my own version of "Yankee Doodle Dandy."

♪ I'm a Yankee Doodle dandy ♪

♪ A Yankee Doodle Parisian ♪

♪ A real-life nephew of my Uncle Sam ♪

♪ Born on the Quatorze Juillet ♪

♪ I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart ♪

♪ Her name is Sophie Tucker ♪

♪ Yankee Doodle came to London Just to ride a pony ♪

♪ I am a Yankee Doodle boy ♪

♪ I've got a Yankee Doodle sweetheart ♪

♪ She's like Marilyn Monroe ♪

♪ Yankee Doodle came to London Just to ride a pony ♪

♪ I am a Yankee Doodle boy ♪

♪ From Paris ♪

♪ Yes, I am a Yankee Doodle boy ♪

Is this really necessary?

Sorry, ma'am, orders.

Orders?

Listen, the admiral certainly wouldn't want--

Not the admiral.

Your husband.

Thank you. Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

How about that Chevalier? Isn't he great?

Now I will tell you of our new Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse,

which starts next week.

You know, this year, we're gonna have the pleasure

of being with you every week at the same time.

And besides our own Lucy-Desi specials

with Fred, Ethel, Little Ricky and our guest stars,

we're gonna bring you dramas, musicals, Westerns.

Well, the type of shows that we hope the whole family is gonna enjoy.

And for our Playhouse premiere next week,

we are going to be very proud to bring you--

- Come one, dear, hurry up. - Honey--

I'm just telling the folks about next week's show.

Oh, I'm sorry, it'll just have to wait. Come on.

- Where are we going? - Shopping.

Shopping!

After all we just went through? Are you crazy or something?

I certainly am.

Crazy about bargains,

like our Westinghouse dealers are featuring right now.

Oh, you mean the Westinghouse Desi-Lucy Fiesta of Values?

Yeah. Now come on. We're meeting the Mertzes.

When am I gonna tell the folks about next week's show?

Right after we finish shopping. Come on, come on, come on.

Don't go away.

See, Fred?

The Westinghouse Desi-Lucy Fiesta of Values.

- Yeah. - It's to celebrate our new show.

I see.

Hey, Lucy. What are you doing?

Remember Aladdin and his magic lamp?

Well, I heard that if you rub a Westinghouse refrigerator,

Betty Furness will appear.

It worked.

- Hi. - Hi.

With my luck I'd get John Cameron Swayze.

- Betty, this is the refrigerator I want. - It's a good choice, Lucy.

It has the famous cold injector that chills faster,

and it guarantees the same low temperature throughout the refrigerator.

Oh! That's why you can keep milk in the door?

- That's right. - And it's frost-free too.

[Betty] And here is the big separate home freezer.

It holds a 190 pounds of food.

So does Ethel.

[Lucy gasps] Oh!

- How about that beautiful laundromat. - [Ethel gasps]

That slant front is a Westinghouse trademark, Ethel.

Makes it easy to load. See, you just put your clothes on the door here.

- [Ethel] Oh. - We call it the weigh-to-save door.

It weighs your clothes right here,

and then it automatically provides exactly the amount of water

needed for the size of the load.

You save water and soap and money.

Fred's favorite word.

Oh, Ethel.

This does a great job of washing too.

Betty, you proved that with the sand test that you did so many times on TV.

- Yes, that sand test really sold me. - Yeah.

Only the Westinghouse laundromat

washes cleaner, rinses better and even cleans itself.

Yes, Westinghouse thinks of everything.

See, Fred. These cooking units pull out.

So it's easier to clean than any other range.

Now, these two ovens can cook a banquet.

- And cook it good too. - Right. Look at that.

Hey, Ethel, look.

Here's the new Westinghouse roll-about dishwasher just like mine.

I call it "Lucy's little helper."

Ooh! I'd love one.

That's great.

That's right, Desi.

This Westinghouse television set has new automatic tuning.

Just press that bar,

and automatically your channel comes in crystal clear.

- How about that? - I like it.

And look, fellas,

here are the new Westinghouse stereo fidelity consoles.

Ah, that's beautiful.

And right now,

to celebrate Westinghouse and Desi and Lucy getting together,

your Westinghouse dealer is having a gala fiesta

with really big buys on all these wonderful products.

That's right! It's the Westinghouse Desi-Lucy Fiesta of Values.

Look for the stores with the fiesta decorations.

And these signs in the doors and windows.

♪ Oh.... ♪

♪ We're having a gala fiesta ♪

♪ It's the Desi and Lucy Fiesta ♪

♪ Where the Westinghouse buys Are the best-a ♪

- - [Lucy continues singing]

[Lucy] ♪ Appliance values in town ♪

♪ Olé, olé, olé, come today ♪

- - [Fred continues singing]

That was fun, wasn't it?

- Yeah. Listen. -

Now can I tell them about next week's Playhouse?

- Oh, sure. Go ahead. I'll wait outside. - Now, wait a minute.

- I think you should know about this too. - Oh.

Ladies and gentlemen, next week,

we're gonna bring you what we think is a very exciting drama.

The story of Bernadette.

Oh, honey, I already know about that.

- How do you know? - You told me.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You also told me that Bernadette was adapted from that famous novel,

The Miracle of Bernadette by Margaret Blanton.

And that it's all about a very strange and wonderful thing

that happened to a little fourteen-year-old girl

who lived in the French town of Lourdes.

Exactly 100 years ago.

- Did I tell you all that? - I told you, you told me.

Hey, did I also tell you that starring in Bernadette,

and making her very first television appearance,

is that very beautiful and talented actress, Pier Angeli?

Pier Angeli?

You didn't tell me that!

Why, she's one of my favorite actresses.

I'm just crazy about her.

Oh, honestly, he never tells me anything.

Good night, folks. We'll see you next week.

The Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show.

Directed by Jerry Thorpe.

Written by Bob Weiskopf, Bob Schiller and Everett Freeman.

Produced by Bert Granet.

Executive producer, Desi Arnaz.

Others in tonight's cast were

Charles Lane, George Travino,

Alan Roberts, Vito Scotti,

Natividad Vacío, Addison Richards,

Vincent Padula, Chalo Chacon,

Albert Carrier, Lewis Martin.

The Lucille Ball-Desi Arnaz Show is a Desilu Production

and was filmed in Hollywood

and Mexico by Desilu.