Original subtitles

Well?

Well?

Do you see anything different about me?

No.

Two legs, two arms, one head.

Oh, you know, what I mean.

Did I get any suntan?

- No. - Oh, darn it.

Honey, why don't you give up trying to get a suntan?

You always get burned with your fur skin.

Well-- My "fur skin"?

Hi, fellas.

- [Ricky] Hi. - Hi.

We're gonna drive out to Pomona tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.

- We thought you'd like to go with us. - Okay.

What's the matter with her?

Oh, she's upset because she can't get a suntan.

Oh, what's the difference?

There's a lot of difference out here.

Oh, I'll say there is.

We went down to Beverly Hills yesterday,

and those women all had the most beautiful tans.

It was embarrassing.

Ethel and I looked like a couple of marshmallows.

[Ethel] Sure did.

Gee, I'd love to get a tan.

You know what I'd like to look like?

A toasted marshmallow.

No. I'd like to look like I belong in Beverly Hills.

Oh, even if you got a tan, it wouldn't help.

Did you notice the beautiful clothes those women were wearing?

Yeah, you're right.

I'd just look like a tacky toasted marshmallow.

Unless, of course,

I could buy some beautiful clothes like those women were wearing.

Ricky?

Oh, Ricky,

I would dearly love to have just one dress

from an exclusive salon like Don Loper's.

Oh, yes, it would just set you up for life

if you could open your closet door and see one Loper label.

Yeah, what's the sense of dreaming?

Well, now, wait a minute, honeybunch. Maybe we can figure something out.

Who said that?

It sounded like Fred, but I don't believe it!

Fred, you really mean it?

- Sure. - Oh ...

What do you think he'd charge for one label?

[Ethel] Oh, fine.

Ricky... Ricky, you're not going to say no, are you?

Look, all I want is just one simple, little,

ordinary, plain dress from Loper's.

I'll buy the cheapest one he has. Honest, I will, honey.

Honest, I will.

Well, it's a thought.

If you-- It is?

- Yeah. - Oh!

Honey, oh ...

Oh, you agreed so fast, my brain blew a fuse!

- Oh! - Wait a minute.

I just said it was a thought.

Yeah, I know, honey, I know.

Well, h-how much is a dress at Loper's?

Well, it wouldn't be very much.

How much?

Well, not very much, really, for what you'd be getting.

Well, how much?

Practically nothing.

Could you break that "nothing" into dollars?

Well, uh, just for one simple, ordinary, plain,

little old nothing dress... $100.

$100 for one dress?

The reason he almost choked to death

is because $100 is all I've spent on clothes

ever since we've been married.

Ah-ha, that's very good, Ethel. Very good.

Well, see you later.

Hup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup. You didn't answer my question.

Well, uh, I thought it over very carefully,

and I, uh, I have given due consideration to the fact that

this might be the only time that we're out here in Hollywood.

That's right.

But the only answer I can arrive at is

yes.

Oh, honey!

Thank you!

- Oh! - Only one.

That's all I want!

Boy, fancy-schmancy.

Ethel!

What?

Why do you have to act like a rube?

Because I am a rube.

- And so are you. - I know it.

But let's try to act at home here at Don Loper's.

Well, it's kind of difficult when your permanent address

has always been Gimbels' basement.

Hey, where are all the racks of dresses?

There aren't any.

What do you paw through?

You don't "paw" through anything.

Get your mind out of that basement.

They bring the dresses in one at a time.

- How do you know? - I've heard.

What are we whispering for?

I don't know.

This is just a place you automatically whisper in.

Come on, sit down and shut up.

Good morning, ladies.

- Good morning. - Oh, how do you do?

May I be of assistance?

Yes. I'd like to see a dress, please, size 12.

Certainly.

Oh, and, uh...

...an original.

Gee, wait till the girls back home find out I bought a dress from here.

Oh, Jane Sebastian will be absolutely green.

Of course, she'll pretend she doesn't notice it.

Listen, she'll notice this Don Loper label

if I have to wear the dress wrong-side-out.

You would, too.

This creation is one of Mr. Loper's newest.

Notice the dropped waistline...

and the simple neck

that's designed to be worn with dozens of strands of beads.

Oh, yes. I could wear that with my... uh ...

Oh, yes, it's lovely.

Yes, it's-- it's not quite what I had in mind, though.

Close but not quite. Uh, could I see something else, please?

Why, certainly.

You didn't ask her the price.

Ethel, you don't ask the price in a place like this.

- You don't? - Of course not.

You wait till they turn their back and you sneak a look at the price tag.

[Ethel] What's the matter?

I got my ring caught on something.

Here's something you might like.

I think this is one of the smartest dresses

in the whole collection.

Oh, it's lovely, isn't it, Ethel?

Oh, yes, it's very nice.

It's imported material, of course.

Of course.

Just feel.

Uh...

Oh, yes, that is a nice piece of goods.

If you'd like to try it on, you can step right into the dressing room.

Uh, no, no, I'd rather not try any on just yet.

I'd like to see a few more first.

Why, certainly. Oh, let me take that out of your way.

Uh, no, no. I'm still considering this one, if you don't mind.

- Very well. - Thank you.

Help me.

- What's it caught on? - The price tag.

There it is.

$500!

It can't be!

But it is.

Well, back to Gimbels' basement.

No, no. This is my only chance to get a Don Loper original.

It's your chance to get a black eye from Ricky, too.

They can't all be this expensive.

This is probably high-priced because it's so fancy.

I'll ask her for something plainer and simpler.

Oh, I think you're just asking for trouble.

Well, let me worry about that, will you?

Here's something you might like.

This color would be stunning with your hair.

Oh, really?

Uh, it's-- it's very nice.

Um, but, you know, I've been thinking.

I think I'd like to see something simpler and plainer.

And cheaper.

She means "deeper"-- deeper in the neckline.

Deeper than this?

Oh, well, I-I-I--

Could I see something else?

Certainly.

- Hello, Amzie. - Mrs. MacRae.

Is Mr. Loper in?

- Certainly. I'll tell him you're here. - Thank you.

We're gonna get to see Don Loper.

Not only that, but do you know who that is?

No. Who?

Gordon MacRae's wife.

Oh, of course it is.

I've seen dozens of pictures of her.

- Yeah. - She was an actress,

and she gave up her career to have a family.

That's right, just like me.

Good morning, Sheila.

Hello, Don.

- How are you? - Very well, darling.

- You're looking enormously pretty today. - Thank you.

How's that fashion show coming along?

Oh, Don, it's wonderful.

You know, I think it's going to be the best fashion show we've ever had.

I hope so, because we've put an enormous amount of effort behind it.

You know, I'd like to check some of the last-minute details with you.

All right.

Has everybody been in for a fitting?

I don't really know, darling.

Let me go and see the list and I'll check with you.

- You know what they're talking about? - No. What?

I read about it in the paper.

They're having a fashion show here, and the proceeds

go to a charity called SHARE, Incorporated,

and it's made up of movie stars' wives,

and the movie stars' wives are going to be wearing the clothes.

- No kidding. - Yeah.

Now I have it here.

Well, it turns out that Mrs. Dean Martin's been in.

Mrs. Dean Martin.

Mrs. Forrest Tucker.

Mrs. Van Heflin.

Mrs. William Holden.

[Loper] Mrs. Richard Carlson.

Everybody but Mrs. Joel McCrea.

I forgot!

Frances can't come. She's leaving for Europe.

She phoned me.

[Loper] Well, this is a fine time to tell me, darling.

The show is tomorrow.

Oh, Don, who are we gonna get to take her place?

It has to be the wife of a star. The publicity's out.

[Loper] Yeah, I don't even know who's left in town.

Uh, pardon me.

Could I use your phone, please?

Please make my phone yours.

Oh.

Hello. Is this MGM?

I'd like to speak to Mr. Ricky Ricardo, please,

the star of Don Juan.

Yes, this is Mrs. Ricardo, the star's wife.

Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, wife of the movie star.

Ricky Ricardo.

Yes.

Oh? Oh, he isn't there.

Oh, would you give him a message, please?

[Lucy] Would you be so kind as to tell him

that I've been detained at the Don Loper salon?

Thank you very much.

Well, that was a subtle performance.

Shut up.

This is about the simplest dress I could find.

We call it "Loper's basic dress."

You can accessorize it beautifully.

Well, accessorization is what she's really looking for.

I couldn't help overhearing your telephone conversation.

Oh?

You are Mrs. Ricky Ricardo, aren't you?

- Oh, yes. - Well, I'm Sheila MacRae.

Oh, how do you do?

How do you do?

Uh, Mrs. Gordon MacRae, Mrs. Fred Mertz.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

We've been reading a lot about your husband lately.

Oh. Yes, he has been getting quite a bit of publicity, hasn't he?

You know, I know this is awfully short notice,

but we're having a fashion show for charity.

- Oh. - And the wives of the stars

- are going to model the gowns. - Oh, how nice.

And one of the girls dropped out...

I'd love to.

I beg your pardon?

Weren't you going to ask me to be in it?

Oh, yes, I was.

- I'd love to. - Good.

Uh, which one of these did you buy?

Uh... that one.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Don!

Yes, Sheila. How can I be of service?

Mrs. Ricardo, this is Mr. Don Loper.

How do you do, Mrs. Ricardo?

- Hi. - Welcome to my house.

Oh, well, thank you.

I'd have been here sooner, but I'm from the East--

New York City, uh, Upper.

Oh.

Well, I'm so pleased to see that you're in Hollywood.

- You make our city so much prettier. - Oh!

Uh, oh, Mr. Loper, this is Mrs. Fred Mertz.

How do you do, Mrs. Mertz?

Oh, Mr. Loper...

What's our problem, Sheila?

Don, Mrs. Ricardo has consented

to help us out tomorrow in the fashion show.

Wonderful, Mrs. Ricardo. I've very flattered.

Well, I'd certainly be delighted.

And she's going to wear this.

And I'll tell you what, Amzie,

take Mrs. Ricardo to the fitting room and have it fitted immediately,

and we'll give it to you at noon.

Oh, wonderful!

Right this way.

Oh, yes, yes. Pardon me.

Certainly. Thank you.

I'm delighted that you're going to be with us.

I'm delighted that I'm ...

Thank you.

Oh, honestly...

Well, at least I've got a Don Loper dress.

Yes, with a Don Loper label and a mystery price tag.

Oh, Ethel, don't try to spoil things.

Well, I can't help it.

It's just fantastic to me that you would buy a dress

and walk out of the store and not know what it cost.

Well, I was trapped.

They shoved me into a fitting room,

stuck some pins in me and grabbed the dress,

and I didn't get a chance to look at the price tag.

Why would you buy any dress without looking at the price tag?

Because I wanted to be in the fashion show.

I had to buy the dress.

Well, why did you have to be in a fashion show?

What is this, 20 questions?

For heaven's sake, Ethel,

a little plain dress like this couldn't cost more than $100.

Well, it'd better not cost more than $100

'cause that's all Ricky said you could spend.

And if it's more than that, I'd hate to be around when he...

It can't be.

But it is.

Doesn't Loper know any other numbers but 5-0-0?

Oh, this is even worse than I thought.

A plain, simple, little dress like this for $500?

I don't believe it.

How are you gonna explain the extra cost to Ricky?

I don't know. I don't know.

Well, you can't take it back. It's been altered.

Yeah, and when Ricky finds out about it, I'll be altered.

- Well, there's just one thing to do. - What?

Aren't you going to stop me?

Why? I can't think of a better way out.

Well, it isn't high enough anyway.

Oh, dear.

Look, Ricky was gonna let me spend 100.

And I'm gonna do the fashion show,

so the publicity should be worth the extra 400.

400!

Oh, for heaven's sake, what am I gonna do?

How am I gonna get out of this?

Oh, that shouldn't be difficult for an old escape artist like you.

Yeah. Yeah, I got to think.

- I can't think of a thing. - Sure you can.

No, I can't. Something's happened to my-- my brain.

It's all dried up.

Maybe you stayed out in that sun too long this morning.

Oh, please, Ethel. Just help...

That's it.

Ethel, that's the best idea you ever had.

- Thanks. What is it? - The sun!

You know how easily I burn.

Yes.

Well, I'm going down by the pool and stay there until I get red.

Not really burn, but just red enough

so that I can pretend I'm in terrible pain.

Ricky wouldn't dare hit me in that condition.

Hey, that is a good idea I had.

I'd better get out there. There isn't much sun today.

I thought you were gonna go to Pomona with us.

Oh, you go. I'll see you later.

Honey, I'm home.

- [Ethel] Ricky? - Yeah?

I've been waiting for you to come home. I want you to help me.

Maybe you could talk some sense into Fred.

What's the matter with him?

Oh, he wants to sell our apartment house in New York

and buy an orange grove out by Pomona.

So, what's the matter with that?

You don't know anything about raising oranges.

That's what's the matter with that.

So what? The oranges know what to do.

I think you'd better think about it twice. Where's Lucy?

Lucy?

Yes?

[Ricky] Honey!

- Honey, what happened? - Oh ...

I guess it wasn't as overcast as I thought.

Oh, you poor little thing.

Hey, that gives me an idea.

If the orange crop fails, I can raise tomatoes.

Honey, how did you get so--

Don't touch me!

Oh, sweet... Sit down, baby.

Oh, no, I can't sit down!

The back of my legs are so burned, I can't bend my knees.

Oh, mi.

Well, h-how-how did it happen, honey?

Did-did-did-did you, uh, fall asleep in the sun?

You feel sorry for me, don't you, dear?

Of course I do, sweetheart.

Well, I'll tell you how it happened.

I went to Don Loper's this morning and I bought a dress.

Oh, you bought a dress.

Yeah, and it cost $500 and ...

$500?

Yes, $500!

- $500 for one dress? - Yes!

Yes. Well, Ricky, I can explain.

You cannot explain $500 for one dress.

Take it back.

Well, that-that-that isn't as easy as it sounds.

Why? Don't tell me it was on sale.

No, but, uh...

Well, then take it back.

- But, uh... - But no buts.

No but, no-no bu-bu-bu-bu-buts.

I don't want any arguments about it. You got to take the dress back.

¡Mira que tiene quinientos pesos por un vestido!

Piensa que soy millionario, quinientos pesos por un vestido.

¿Qué te pasa? ¿Está loca en la cabeza?

And I don't want to hear one more word about it.

I wasn't gonna say anything.

Yeah, but you were thinking about saying something.

$500! Ay-ay-ay!

Hello?

Hello. May I speak with Mrs. Ricardo?

This is Mrs. Ricardo.

Oh, Mrs. Ricardo, this is Don Loper.

Oh. Yes?

I've made a terrible mistake.

The dress you chose to wear in the fashion show

is exactly like the one I made for Mrs. Alan Ladd.

And now she's decided that she wants to wear her own dress in the show.

Oh, well, that's all right, really, because...

You're a living doll.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've designed a marvelous tweed suit.

It'll look wonderful on you, and if you'll wear that in the show,

I'll give you the dress you took home.

Give?

That's right.

- For nothing? - Free.

F-r-e-e-e?

Exactly.

Oh. Oh, that's just wonderful. I'll see you at the fashion show.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

Ethel, that was Don Loper.

And he says if I wear something else in the fashion show,

he'll give me my dress for nothing.

You can't be in a fashion show in that condition.

Oh, yes, I can.

What are you gonna wear, a coat of Unguentine?

Oh, Ethel, I just gotta. I just gotta.

And then-- And then-- And then when I come home,

I can tell old grumpy in there to relax and it didn't cost him a cent.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm indeed privileged and flattered that I was invited by SHARE, Incorporated

to show you my new collection of clothes called Facade.

And the clothes will be worn by

the wives of some of our top stars in Hollywood.

May I present for your approval first the lovely Mrs. William Holden.

[Loper] Mrs. Holden is wearing Heathcliff,

a street suit of beige combed cashmere wool.

The jacket is semifitted and a hip length

and is lined in brown silk with a taffeta to match the blouse.

Thank you, dear.

Next is the very, very pretty Mrs. Dean Martin.

[Loper] Mrs. Martin is wearing a dancing costume called Baldini.

It's in reembroidered lace

and the coat is of Italian satin.

Next, the very glamorous Mrs. Van Heflin.

Mrs. Heflin is wearing another dancing costume called Pama.

This is in reembroidered lace with sequin

and the coat is of violet satin,

and it is lined in colors of fuchsia and purple.

Next, the very pretty Mrs. Forrest Tucker.

Mrs. Tucker is wearing a ball gown called Sonata.

This is a new color that I created this season called pink mink.

It's in chantilly lace all reembroidered in sequin.

And now the very lovely Mrs. Richard Carlson.

Mrs. Carlson is wearing another ball dress.

This is called Royal Scandal,

and it's in Kelly Green, French porte de soie

with a back torso of pink roses.

And now we have somebody very new to Hollywood.

We're all delighted to have her.

And may I present at this time the lovely Mrs. Ricky Ricardo.

[Loper] Mrs. Ricardo is wearing French Dandy,

a new suit of imported Irish tweed.

It has the new three-quarter length jacket fitted at the waist with a peplum,

and, you can see, a very narrow skirt.

Pardon me, Mrs. Ricardo.

Excuse me.

The collar is worn more this way, you see?

You get that look to it.

That looks better. Thank you very much.

I did it, Ethel. The dress is mine.

Oh, honey, you were just great.

I was so proud of you.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, gee, Ethel, look at it!

Isn't it beautiful?

Oh, gosh.

I'm gonna leave it right here.

When Ricky comes home, I'm gonna say--

He'll just blow his top, and I'll say, "Relax dear. It didn't cost you a cent."

Oh, boy, you'd better say that fast.

Hey, here's a note for you.

Oh, it's from Ricky.

"Lucy dearest, after you left to take your dress back,

I got to thinking how mean I acted

when you were feeling so terrible.

So here's a check."

Oh!

"Go buy the dress back.

Love, Ricky."

Aw...

$500!

Oh, that Cuban dreamboat.

Of course you're going to give the check back to him.

What? And deprive him of the pleasure of making up?

Oh, I wouldn't be that cruel.

The salesgirl was played by Amzie Strickland.

Don Loper and the movie stars' wives played themselves.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu Production.