All language subtitles for I Love Lucy S03E09 Too Many Crooks 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track4_[eng]

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I'm coming.

Did a man come in or anything
like that? Did you see anybody?

Did you see anybody
on the fire escape?

Where? Where? What do you mean?
What are you talking about?

There's been a robbery
in the neighborhood.

A robbery? Well, get the police!

Get the police!

Oh, you're a police.

- That's all right, missus, uh...
- Mrs. Ricardo.

Mrs. Ricardo, did you see anyone?

- No. I was asleep.
- Who else lives here?

Well, my-my husband,
he's still working at the club,

and my little baby is asleep
in the nursery.

I'll check the premises.

Oh! Oh, a robbery right here,
right here in the building?

Oh, it just gives me goose pimples!

Well, gee, at least you've got Fred
to protect you.

Protect me?

The minute he heard about it,
he ran and hid.

I was not hiding.

I was looking for something
to hit him with!

Under the bed?

Ooh, it was awful. Lucy, I can't see
why you didn't wake up.

Officer, please don't wake up
the baby.

- Where was the robbery?
- Well, let's see now...

Ethel, where was it?

It was in the Ackermans' apartment
across the street.

They came home and scared the burglar
and he went down the fire escape.

No kidding?

Yeah, and then they saw him run
across the street

and right into this building!

- Are you sure?
- Oh, yes.

We've checked everywhere.

So I guess she's given us
the slip again.

- Oh, that's too-- She?
- She? Isn't it a man?

We think the person
who's been pulling all these jobs

in the neighborhood lately
is a woman.

- Oh, gracious alive!
- What makes you think it's a woman?

We suspected it at first,

but tonight, the Ackermans' report
clinched it.

- How?
- How?

Just before entering this building,

they saw the robber stop,
and take a hitch at her girdle.

Oh!

Have you any idea who she is?

No. The only thing we've got
to go on are fingerprints,

but the boys on the force
call her "Madame X".

- Madame X.
- Madame X.

- Oh, it gives me shivers.
- How do you like that?

Well, uh, uh, thanks, folks,
for your cooperation.

- Oh, well, thank you, officer.
-

Look at that.
"Madame X strikes again.

The mysterious woman burglar
added another

to her long list
of robberies last night."

Oh, boy, that's exciting.

It isn't every day we have a robbery
and get our names in the paper.

What do you mean
"our names in the paper"?

Right here, "The police questioned
all the tenants."

That's us.

I'll cut it out
and put it in my scrapbook.

Well, it is exciting.

- Have you seen the News?
- Have you seen the-- the Mirror?

Look at that.

Oh!

Oh, the News is more sensational.

Yeah, but the Mirror gives it
more space. Isn't it scary?

Fred Mertz,
I want you to have new locks

put on every door in this building.

A child could open the old ones.

I can't afford it.

I'll buy 'em.

With what?

Oh, I've managed to save a little

out of that miserable pittance
you give me.

Okay, then, buy the locks.

All right.

I was gonna buy you
a birthday present with that money.

Oh, fine.

Oh, Fred, I didn't know
you had a birthday coming up.

When is it, Fred?

- A week from Thursday.
- Ah.

How old are you gonna be?

Did you hear about the big robbery
last night?

Come on, Fred, don't be bashful.
How old are you?

Well, now, I'll make a deal.

I'll tell how old I am
if you'll tell how old you are.

That was a big robbery
we had last night.

Come on, birthday boy.

Let's go count
how many locks we have to buy.

♪ New door locks for Fred ♪

♪ New door locks for Fred ♪

♪ New door locks for... ♪

Gee, I'm glad we found out
about Fred's birthday.

What will we get him?

How about some keys
to go with the locks?

Seriously, we have to get him
something nice.

Hey, I know! A tweet soot.

A "tweet soot"?

Yeah. He's always wanted
a soot from my tailor's, a tweet one.

Oh, a tweed suit! Oh, he'd love that.

Well, I tell you what.

I'll make an appointment for him
to go to the tailor's today.

Oh, no, that's no fun.
Then it won't be a surprise.

Well, honey,
they have to know his measurements.

They do?

They do unless you want to give him
a tweet nightshirt.

Oh, dear.

Let's see...

Oh, why don't you get
one of his old suits from Ethel,

and then the tailors can get
the measurements off of that.

No, she's such a blabbermouth,
she'd tell him.

Well, I don't know
how we're gonna get it, then.

I know. I'll sneak in
and get one of his old suits

out of the closet without either one
of them knowing it.

- Be sure they don't catch you.
- Well, I won't if you keep them busy.

Call them up and get them over here
on some pretext.

Okay. I'll get them over
on some pretext.

What's a pretext?

Well, it's when you want someone
to do something,

but you don't want them to know

that you want them to do
that particular something.

So, you make up something else,

then they think they're just doing
that something else,

but in reality,
they're doing the something

that you want them to do,

but don't want them to know
that you want them to do.

What?

Look, I'll show you what I mean.

Oh, wait a minute.
Forget the pretext.

They're out around the building
counting locks.

I'll go get it right now.

Okay.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Trumbull.

Uh, Mrs. Mertz,
here's the check for my rent.

Oh, thanks.

My, we certainly had
a lot of excitement

around here last night, didn't we?

I'll say we did.

Are we alone?

Well, yes.

Fred is out in the kitchen,
but he can't hear us.

Why?

Mrs. Mertz, I know something.

- About the robbery?
- Yes.

And I've got to tell somebody.

Oh, you can trust me, Mrs. Trumbull!

Well, I-- I may be wrong,
but I think there's a chance

that Madame X may be somebody
who lives in our building.

- In this building!
- Shh!

What makes you think so?

Well, they say Madame X is a woman
who wears men's clothes.

Yes, yes.

They saw her come in here
and they didn't see her go out.

- Yes.
- Now, I know I'm wrong.

I know there's a logical explanation,
but...

But what? But what?

Well, I-I know I'm wrong, but I-- I--

I saw someone sneaking
out of your apartment

with a man's suit.

Who?

Lucy Ricardo.

Lucy?

Going out of this apartment?

Sneaking along the hall.

Oh, my goodness!

Lucy!

Oh, Mrs. Trum--
Oh, what are we saying?

I know there's a logical explanation,
but what is it?

Oh, Mrs. Trumbull,
I'm surprised at you.

- Suspecting Lucy of all people.
- Well, I said I knew I was wrong.

Well, I should say so.

Oh, I'm ashamed of the two of us
just standing here talking like this.

Well, so am I.

- Just forget I ever mentioned it.
- Oh, consider it forgotten.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Fred! Fred! Fred! Fred!

- Fred, come here! Come here!
- What's the matter?

- Guess who Madame X is!
- Who?

- Lucy!
- Lucy who?

Lucy Ricardo.

And what's more,

she's pulling all those jobs
wearing your suit!

I've been waiting for this.

Your brain has gone bye-bye.

Oh, is that so?

Now, Mrs. Trumbull said

she saw Lucy sneaking
out of this apartment

carrying one of your suits!

- I don't believe it.
- Well, I'll just look and see.

Aha!

Your gray suit is gone.

So she took one of my suits.

Ethel, there's a hundred reasons
why Lucy could take one of my suits.

Name a few.

Well, it could have been bec...

Well, she might have had a...

So Lucy is Madame X!

Uh-huh.

Now, listen,
we gotta get a hold of ourselves.

We're standing here,
accusing Lucy of being a crook!

I know it, I know it.

We've got to prove
that Lucy is innocent

for her sake and ours.

But how?

I know!

After Ricky goes to work tonight,

we'll watch her
and see what she does.

We'll go up on the roof,
and come down the fire escape.

- And watch her through the window.
- What'll that prove?

Well, if she doesn't put on your suit

and go out and come back later
with a bag full of loot,

then she isn't Madame X.

That won't prove anything.
Even a crook has a night off.

Then we'll stay out there
till we prove that Lucy's innocent.

All right.

Besides...

if she is Madame X,

you and I better know about it.

Yeah.

What's she doing now?

She must be going
to crack a safe tonight.

She's sandpapering
the ends of her fingers.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

I was wrong.

She's using an emery board
on her nails.

Come on, Sherlock,

let's go back to headquarters
and forget it.

Forget it?
We've only been here an hour.

- I'm cold, I wanna go home.
- Well, go ahead.

Leave me your coat, will you?

Say, you are getting cold,
sneezing like...

Here, put this on.

Put my hat on, too.

Now, don't hang around here too long!

I won't. Just long enough

to clear the name of my good friend,
Madame X-- Uh, Lucy.

I'm sorry to wake you up, honey.

I'm going to take you over
to Aunt Ethel's.

That might've been Madame X
on the fire escape.

There she is.

I don't believe it.

Your Aunt Ethel is Madame X!

Here's your house money
for the week, honey.

Now put it away. Don't lose it.

Now, look, Lucy,

you've gotta stop even thinking
that Ethel is Madame X.

I know, but after what I saw...

What was she doing out there
on that fire escape

wearing a man's hat and coat?

Well, there must be
a good reason for it.

I'd like nothing better
than to find a good reason.

I've been thinking, and thinking,
and I can't find one.

Well, now, you don't really think
that Ethel is Madame X?

Of course not,
but how can I prove it?

Well, why don't you just ask her
about it?

Oh, sure. What am I gonna say?

"Hi, Ethel,
robbed any good apartments lately?"

You know what I mean.

Tell her that you saw her
out on the fire escape.

- Oh, I can't do that.
- Why not?

If she's not Madame X,
she'll tell why she was out there.

And if she is, she'll shoot me.

We gotta be clever about this, Ricky.

What do the police do
when they suspect someone?

Oh, well, they got a whole routine.

What kind of a routine?

Well, you know, they got, uh...

clues,

fingerprints...

telltale evidences--

Fingerprints!

We'll try to get Ethel's fingerprints
on something.

This silver cigarette case of yours
would be just perfect.

Hello, Ethel.

Ethel, we were just wondering
why we haven't--

Oh, Fred,
I didn't recognize your voice.

Oh... How are you?

Oh, we're fine.

Yeah, well,
we were just sitting around,

wondering why you
hadn't dropped over lately.

Yeah, well, why don't you come over?

Oh, good. Bring the madame--
Uh, the missus.

Uh, Ethel. Bring Ethel.

Oh, all right, bye.

They're coming right over.

This will just be perfect.

Now, let's see... we can serve drinks,

maybe get fingerprints
on the glasses, too.

Okay, I'll make some lemonade
or something.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Just serve two drinks.
- Just two?

Yeah. Now, we won't touch a thing.

That way,
all the fingerprints will be theirs.

- Okay.
- Don't forget now.

Now, keep your eyes peeled for clues
while we're over there.

Hey, if you could get Lucy
to choke you,

we'd have her fingerprints
on your neck.

Hey, that's a good idea.

Yeah, I like it.

I don't mean the choking part.

We'll try and get her fingerprints
on something.

All right.

Now, while we're over there,
we won't touch a thing,

and any fingerprints will be theirs.

All right, come on, let's go.

- Hi, Ethel, Fred! Come on in.
- Hello, honey.

Come in and sit down, won't you?

- Hi.
- Hello, Lucy.

[Lucy] Good to see you.

I bet you were wondering
why I asked you over here tonight.

Well, yes.

Oh...

Uh, I have something
I want to show you.

What?

Here, take it.

I can see it.

It's that cigarette case

that, uh, Ricky got
for Christmas last year.

Oh, you've seen it before, huh?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

You wanna see it again?

No.

Oh.

Uh... uh, look inside.

You haven't seen the inscription,
have you?

You mean the one that says, uh,

"Merry Christmas to the boss
from the boys, 1952"?

Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah, I've seen it.

Uh, you know, this is pure silver.

Isn't it amazing how heavy silver is?

Here, lift it.

I know, it weighs a ton.

That's the reason
Ricky never carries it.

Yeah... yeah.

Well ...

[Ricky] Hello, folks!

- Oh, hi.
- Oh, hi, Rick.

Put the drinks
right down there, dear.

- Okay.
- Oh, just a minute.

Just a minute. Uh, oh.

Okay.

There you are.

- Have one, Fred.
- No, thanks.

Go ahead, help yourself, Ethel.

No, thanks, I'm on a diet.

Oh, on a diet.
Why, you don't have to reduce.

If anything,
I'd say you were underweight.

Have you been to an oculist lately?

Oh, keep quiet.

Come on, Ethel.

Have one, come on. Here.

No, I'm not thirsty, anyway.

Oh...

well...

Oh, don't let that keep you
from having one, honey.

- You have one.
- Oh, all right.

Hand it to me, will you, dear?

Uh-huh.

No, thanks, I changed my mind, I ...

Uh, oh, uh, let's have some peanuts.

Dear, they're right there
on the mantel.

Oh, okay.

- Here.
- Oh, thanks.

- I'd like some.
- All right.

Oh, just a minute.
Uh, here, hand this to Fred, dear.

All right.

Thanks.

- Well, come on, Fred, let's go.
- All right.

Oh, don't go.

Oh, honey,
I've got a hundred things to do.

- [Lucy] Oh, that's too bad. I didn't...
- Oh, we may come later.

- We might come up later.
- Oh, well, I hope so.

- [Fred] Bye-bye. Thanks.
- [Ricky] Bye.

See you later now, if you can.

Darn it!

Did you see how slippery she was?

She deliberately kept
from putting her fingers on anything.

Yeah.

- How about that, huh?
- Mmm ...

Hmm. How about that?

I got 'em! I got 'em!

- I got her fingerprints!
- Where did you get them?

- On that silver cigarette case.
- Oh, pretty slick, huh?

Now, all I gotta do is take this down
to the police station

and compare these with Madame X's.
Ha, ha!

- I'll go get my coat on.
- All right.

Fred!

Don't touch that cigarette case.

I don't want any fingerprints on that
but Lucy's.

Now, let's see.
I think I got good, clear prints.

Hey, she's cleverer than I thought.

She handled that with her bare hands,
and didn't leave a print on it.

Yeah, how about that?

Honey, I'm late for the club already.
I'll see you later.

Ricky, have you got
your silver cigarette case?

No. Why?

Well, I left it right here someplace,
and I just can't under--

Ethel swiped your cigarette case.

She really is Madame X.

Oh, come on, now.

Yes! Now, we gotta do something
about this.

I don't know what you're gonna do,
but I gotta go. Good night, honey.

Listen, Ricky, now, I got an idea.

I'm gonna call Ethel
and I'm gonna tell her

that I'm gonna take the baby over
to Mrs. Trumbull's apartment,

and then I'm going down to the club
with you tonight.

- Why?
- Well, that way,

she'll think the apartment is empty

and-- and if she wants
to really rob it, she can.

And then, I'll hide in here,
and I'll catch her red-handed.

And maybe I can talk her
out of this life of crime.

Oh, now, look, honey,
why don't you get a good book,

go to bed
and forget all these crazy schemes?

- They're not crazy schemes.
- Yes, they are.

Now, good night, dear.

Good night, dear.

Hello, Ethel.

Uh, Ethel, in case you were thinking
of dropping over again tonight,

I just wanted you to know
that we wouldn't be home.

Ethel, not my good silver!

You know that belongs
to Ricky's mother!

Put that gun away!

Put that away!
What do you wanna do, hurt somebody?

Now stop that!

The i-- the idea!

I'm surprised at you!
Trying to rob our apartment!

Why, Ethel Mertz!

Why, Ethel Mertz!

I have never heard
of such a thing before.

You...

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Ethel, now, you--
This is not the life for you.

If it's money you need,
I'll pay you what I owe you.

You give up this life of crime,

and I won't tell a soul
that you're Madame X.

- Lucy.
- What?

What's the matter?

I got Madame...

Whoops!

- Madame X!
- Madame X!

- That's Madame X!
- [Lucy and Ethel shrieking]

- Oh, Lucy!
- Oh!

Oh, Lucy!

What's the matter?

No, no, it isn't Lucy.
The real Madame X got away.

- Which way did she go?
- She went that way.

- This way?
- Yeah.

- Sure?
- Yeah.

- Oh!
- Ethel, Ethel!

- Huh?
- Let go of my neck.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh...

Oh, dear.

- Oh...
- Oh, Lucy...

I'm so relieved to know that
that was the real Madame X,

and not you.

Me, too. Gee, Ethel, I'm sorry.

What do you mean
that I wasn't Madame X?

I thought you were.

I was?

How did you get that idea?

Where did you get the idea I was?

Mrs. Trumbull says she saw you
sneaking out of our apartment,

carrying one of Fred's suits.

Oh, that was for a model.

Ricky was going to give Fred a suit
for his birthday.

Oh, dear.

What were you doing
out on our fire escape,

wearing a man's hat and coat?

I was spying on you.

I thought you were Madame X

and Fred and I went out
on the fire escape,

and I got cold
and he gave me his coat and hat.

Oh, no.

[Ricky] I got her!

Honey, I got Ethel! I got Ethel!

Ethel!

I got her! I got her, honey!

- We got her!
- I got her! I got her!

Did you see how I got her there?

- Yeah, I saw you.
- I caught her right there.

I caught her myself!

Mrs. Trumbull was played
by Elizabeth Patterson:

Madame X was Alice Wills,
and the policeman was Alan Jenkins.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.