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1
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,152
Isn't it awful when something like that
happens right out on the stage
2
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,279
and there's nothing you can do about it?
3
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,364
[Ricky] I know.
4
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,907
- Is anybody hungry?
- [Ethel] Hey, Fred.
5
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,076
Do you remember what happened
to that quick- change artist?
6
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,495
You know, the one who used to change
her clothes in the dark
7
00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:37,579
right out on the stage?
8
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:41,250
Do I? Boy, was she ever
mad at that electrician.
9
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,292
What happened?
10
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:46,255
Well, she called for her tights
and he thought she said "lights."
11
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,889
Uh... it's very amusing.
12
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,141
Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy.
13
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,812
Oh, we shouldn't talk about our old times
in show business in front of Lucy.
14
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,230
It makes her feel left out.
15
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,399
- Oh, no, it doesn't.
- Yeah.
16
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:07,818
If you haven't been in
show business yourself,
17
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,444
it must all seem kind of dull.
18
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,488
I've been in show business.
19
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,950
Well, Ethel means real show business
not trying to get in Ricky's act.
20
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:18,245
I've been in show business!
21
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,414
Honey, Ethel means show business,
22
00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:24,251
not playing a petunia
in a grammar school recital.
23
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,421
You think you know all there is
to know about me, don't you?
24
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,632
Remind me sometime to tell you
about my experience in musical comedy.
25
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,385
Come on, Ethel, let's get some coffee.
26
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,137
Hey, just a minute.
27
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,847
You were in musical comedy?
28
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:39,391
It was before I met you, dear.
Come on, Ethel.
29
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,476
Now, wait, wait a minute.
This is very interesting.
30
00:01:41,476 --> 00:01:43,103
What was the name of the musical comedy?
31
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:46,565
Oh, leave her alone, Ricky.
She's just exaggerating as usual.
32
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,442
I am not.
33
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,486
Well, what was the name
of the musical comedy?
34
00:01:52,571 --> 00:01:54,323
Oklahoma.
35
00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:56,158
- Oklahoma?
- Oklahoma?
36
00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:59,202
Oklahoma, and I was the star too.
37
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,872
Yeah? What was your maiden name,
Alfred Drake?
38
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:05,876
Well, maybe I wasn't exactly the star,
39
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:08,837
but would you believe
I was a featured player?
40
00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,966
Chorus girl?
41
00:02:14,925 --> 00:02:16,553
Ticket taker?
42
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,014
Lucy, why don't you tell the truth?
43
00:02:20,014 --> 00:02:22,267
You know that you were never in Oklahoma.
44
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,812
I was, too.
I spent two weeks in Tulsa once.
45
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,774
Why do you do it?
46
00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:31,693
You always fib and you always get caught.
47
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,696
I do not fib.
I never told a fib in my life.
48
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:36,323
Oh, there she goes again.
49
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,949
Well, it isn't fibbing.
50
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,285
I just like to... color things a little.
51
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,788
Well, why didn't you say so?
I'll buy you some watercolors.
52
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,457
Oh, you're all very funny.
53
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,584
-
- Very funny.
54
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:51,129
Oh, thank you.
55
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,216
Flowers.
56
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,175
Oh, Ricky, you shouldn't have.
57
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:57,511
I din't.
58
00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,930
You "din't"?
59
00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,224
- Oh, no, these are for you.
- For me?
60
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,685
Who's sending you flowers?
61
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:08,188
"Get well quick. Love, Jim and Dorothy."
62
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,857
I feel fine.
63
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,360
Oh, I know.
64
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,071
I didn't want to go to dinner
with Jim and Dorothy Wynn tonight,
65
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,490
so I told them that you
sprained your ankle.
66
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,117
There's another one.
67
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:22,285
Oh, now, what's the matter with that?
68
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,287
That's just a little social fib.
69
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:27,833
Honey, you knew that we were
going to have dinner with the Mertzes.
70
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,793
Why didn't you just tell them the truth?
71
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,377
You can't tell people the truth.
72
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,546
They think you're lying.
73
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:35,465
You have to lie to make them
think you're telling the truth.
74
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,551
But it's not funny. You got to cut it out.
75
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,886
Now, now, Ricky, don't
be too tough on Lucy.
76
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,054
Thanks, Fred.
77
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,639
She can't help it if she's a liar.
78
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,143
Well!
79
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:47,894
Oh, Fred didn't mean it like that.
80
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,731
He just means the colorful way you
push the truth around
81
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,315
is part of your character.
82
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,401
Yeah. Molly McGee should
have such a fibber.
83
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,404
Oh, I think you're all just horrid.
84
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,865
I could tell the absolute
truth like everybody else
85
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:04,369
if I wanted to be dull,
present company not excepted.
86
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,622
[Ricky] Honey, you couldn't
tell the absolute truth
87
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,375
if your whole life depended on it.
88
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,253
Would you like to risk a little
money on that proposition?
89
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,921
I most certainly would.
90
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,214
I'll tell you what.
91
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:20,010
I'll bet you
that you can't tell the truth for, uh ...
92
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,428
For how long, one week?
93
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:24,681
I'll make easy on you-- one day, 24 hours.
94
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,516
Okay.
95
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,726
- How much you want to bet?
- Make it easy on yourself.
96
00:04:28,726 --> 00:04:30,771
Any part of $100.
97
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,855
I'll take it all.
98
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,399
- Can I have a piece of that?
- I'd like a little of that, too.
99
00:04:34,399 --> 00:04:35,609
My friends.
100
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,111
Oh, it hasn't anything
to do with friendship.
101
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,740
It's just that there are so few sure ways
of making a buck these days.
102
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:45,952
I'll tell you what, I'll take 50
and I'll give you each 25.
103
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,496
- Thank you.
- Fine.
104
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:50,165
Uh... when do you want to start?
105
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,375
It's one minute to 8:00.
I'll start on the hour.
106
00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:55,378
- Okay, you got yourself a bet.
- Okay.
107
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,800
Did I ever tell you
the time that Cary Grant
108
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,759
asked me marry him?
109
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,721
It hasn't started yet.
110
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:10,392
I just thought I'd have
one last fib for the road.
111
00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,105
Okay, it's started. For the next 24 hours.
112
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,107
- Okay.
- All right.
113
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,029
I can hardly wait
to hear you tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.
114
00:05:22,029 --> 00:05:23,323
Why?
115
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,367
We're playing bridge
at Caroline's, remember?
116
00:05:25,367 --> 00:05:27,494
Oh, no, no, no.
117
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,830
I can't spend the afternoon
with three women
118
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,248
and have to tell the truth.
119
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,333
I'll call Caroline and tell her I'm sick.
120
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,053
Eww...
121
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,599
You'll go?
122
00:05:49,599 --> 00:05:51,560
I'll go.
123
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,660
- Hi.
- Hi.
124
00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:10,704
- How are you?
- Oh, look!
125
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:13,331
- Oh, Caroline, you've redecorated.
- Yep.
126
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,000
Changed the whole mood of the room.
127
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,877
My, I'll say.
128
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,379
We threw out everything we had
that was early American
129
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,548
and started fresh with Chinese modern.
130
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,301
Here, let me take your coats.
I'll put them in the bedroom.
131
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:26,219
For heaven's sake.
132
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,055
Gee, isn't this something, huh?
133
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,974
- Thank you.
- There.
134
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,360
Look at this.
135
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,446
This is really something, isn't it?
136
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,115
And I thought it was awful before.
137
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,243
It looks like... I don't know what.
138
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,454
I do. It looks like a bad dream
139
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:56,207
you'd have after eating
too much Chinese food.
140
00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,459
Ooh.
141
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,836
Well, how do you like my new furniture?
142
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,255
Oh, we were just talking about it.
143
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,173
Weren't we, Lucy?
144
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,178
- What do you think? Do you like it?
- Oh, I think it's just lovely.
145
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,554
What do you think, Lucy?
146
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,599
- Uh...
- Oh, don't be bashful.
147
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,809
Just tell her what you said to me.
148
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:17,520
Oh, she doesn't want
my little old opinion.
149
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,813
Oh, but I do, Lucy.
150
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:22,692
Come on, now. Tell me exactly
what you told Ethel about my furniture.
151
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,863
Well, uh... I said it looked like a dream.
152
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,657
Didn't I, Ethel? Isn't that what I said?
153
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,116
Yes.
154
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,744
Oh, well, thank you.
155
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,247
Oh, that's all right.
156
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,417
- What kind of a dream, Lucy?
- Well, let's play bridge.
157
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,629
Lucy, we have to wait for Marian.
158
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,006
- Marian who?
- Marian Strong.
159
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,134
When you're having four for bridge,
it's always polite to wait
160
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,971
until the fourth person arrives
before you start playing.
161
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,640
- It's the only decent thing to do.
- Oh.
162
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,142
Now, let's see.
What were we talking about?
163
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,686
Oh, yes... Caroline's furniture.
164
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,437
Uh, what kind of a dream, Lucy?
165
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,566
Caroline, I told Ethel that your furniture
166
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:08,029
looked like a bad dream you'd have
after eating too much Chinese food.
167
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,322
Well!
168
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:12,283
Is that what you really think?
169
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,284
Yes.
170
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:17,288
Well, Lucy, I hope it gives you
a lot of pleasure to insult me.
171
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:20,208
No, it doesn't.
I don't like it any better than you do.
172
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:23,336
Well, nobody's twisting your arm.
173
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,088
Oh, no?
174
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:28,717
Before you get too mad, Caroline,
I think you ought to know something.
175
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,720
Last night, Ricky and Fred and I
bet Lucy $100
176
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,472
that she couldn't tell
the absolute truth for 24 hours.
177
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,182
Oh.
178
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:40,520
So you see, it wasn't my fault.
I was tricked into it by old sneaky here.
179
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:44,190
Well, that explains it,
but it doesn't make me feel any better.
180
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,359
-
- Oh, Marian.
181
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:52,699
- Hi, Marian.
- Hi, Caroline.
182
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,119
- How are you?
- Hi, Ethel. How are you?
183
00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,705
Oh, Marian! That's a new hat.
184
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,040
[Marian] Yes.
185
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:06,296
- Do you like it?
- Oh, I think it's lovely.
186
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:09,591
- It's beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
187
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:10,675
Hi, Lucy.
188
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,010
Hi, Marian.
189
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:16,806
Uh, Lucy, Marian has on a new hat.
190
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:20,309
Yeah, Marian.
Take it off. Let's play bridge.
191
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,771
Lucy, what do you think
of Marian's new hat?
192
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,691
Oh, that's a hat, all right.
193
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,568
Yeah, but what do you think about it?
194
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,155
Well, Marian, if that's
the kind of hat you wanted,
195
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,782
you sure got a good one.
196
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,287
No, seriously, Lucy.
197
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,332
Well, Marian, nothing personal,
198
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:45,085
but I think that's the
silliest-looking hat I've ever seen.
199
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,505
Oh, now, come on, Lucy.
200
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,965
Tell me what you think of it?
201
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,258
I am serious.
202
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,593
It's horrible.
203
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,222
I think there's something
you ought to know.
204
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,182
Last night, we bet Lucy $100
205
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:02,393
that she couldn't
tell the truth for 24 hours.
206
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:06,773
Oh, no.
207
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:10,944
Then that's what she
really thinks of my hat.
208
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,695
Come on, let's play bridge.
209
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:15,698
That is if anyone still
wants to play with me.
210
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:18,451
Uh... Marian, bring your things over here.
211
00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,749
Well, come on.
212
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,583
Okay.
213
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,798
Lucy, how old are you?
214
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,636
How much do you weigh?
215
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,848
What color would your hair be
if you didn't dye it?
216
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:46,229
Thirty-three, 129 and mousy brown.
217
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,691
Anything else you'd like to ask me?
218
00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:50,900
What?
219
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,319
Go ahead, ask me
anything you like-- I like it.
220
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,155
It feels wonderful to tell the truth.
221
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,993
Now, she's trying to use psychology on us.
222
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:03,580
No, I mean it. I feel very relieved.
It is wonderful to tell the truth.
223
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,791
You should try it sometime.
We'd all be much better friends.
224
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,208
Somehow, I doubt that.
225
00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:10,962
Well, you do as you please. I feel great.
226
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,547
Come on, let's play bridge.
227
00:11:12,547 --> 00:11:14,424
I'm your partner this week,
aren't I, Caroline?
228
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:17,218
Oh, I guess I play with you.
229
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:20,471
And, Caroline, let someone else
keep score this week. You cheat.
230
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,893
Yes, cheat.
231
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:28,479
The last three times we've played,
you added up the score
232
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:29,647
in your favor.
233
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,150
I would have said something about it
if I hadn't been your partner.
234
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,988
Well, I never!
235
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,449
And you stop jabbering
and keep your mind on the game.
236
00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:41,993
You talk so much you don't know
what cards have been played.
237
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:46,331
Well!
238
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:51,252
Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel, but it's so true.
239
00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:54,547
Marian, stop cackling.
240
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,883
I've been waiting ten years
for you to lay that egg.
241
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,099
For heaven's sake, Caroline,
242
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:06,893
when are you going to get
a new deck of cards?
243
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:10,146
We've been playing with this same
dirty old deck since I've known you.
244
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,158
Hey, how about that fella?
245
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,285
Listen, Ricky, show your Uncle Fred
246
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:26,287
how I taught you how
to wave bye-bye this morning.
247
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:27,705
- Show him.
- Bye-bye.
248
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,540
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye, Ricky.
249
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:30,541
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
250
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:34,671
Looks more like he's teaching us
how to wave bye-bye.
251
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,214
Well, he did it this morning.
252
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,881
Now, look here, old man.
253
00:12:37,881 --> 00:12:40,510
You're going to have to learn
how to perform on cue
254
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,553
if you're going to be my son.
255
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:44,054
Hi.
256
00:12:44,054 --> 00:12:45,473
Oh, here's your mommy.
257
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,891
Oh, that's your mommy.
258
00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:50,019
- Was he a good boy?
- He was an angel.
259
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:52,689
- Where's Ethel?
- She'll be right up. Did you feed him?
260
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,857
Yeah, I followed
your instructions to the letter.
261
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,318
Looks like you fed
a whole nursery full of babies.
262
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:58,736
Well, he was hungry.
263
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,446
Come on, honey, we go beddy-bye.
264
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,530
- Bye, old man.
- Bye.
265
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:02,907
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
266
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,285
They never do what you want them to do
when you want them to do it.
267
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,369
I know it. I can't help it.
268
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,746
- Hi.
- Hi.
269
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,541
- How was the bridge game?
- Oh, yeah, how did we do?
270
00:13:11,541 --> 00:13:13,918
- Is the bet all over?
- Not at all.
271
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,545
- What?
- Not at all?
272
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,047
She never told one lie all afternoon.
273
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:19,256
I don't believe it.
274
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:21,467
What did she do, tape her mouth shut?
275
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,552
I wish she had.
276
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,471
She not only told the truth,
but she got brutally frank
277
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,182
and told us all exactly
what she thought of us.
278
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:32,102
Oh, boy, I wish I'd have been there.
279
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,147
Oh, that must have been good.
280
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:36,524
When you two hyenas get through laughing,
281
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:38,943
you can go dig up
a hundred bucks between you.
282
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,904
Oh, don't be silly.
She won't be able to keep it up.
283
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,155
Not Lucy.
284
00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,409
What's so funny?
285
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,287
Ethel was telling us what happened
when you told the girls
286
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,371
the truth this afternoon.
287
00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:53,249
Oh, yeah, they all got a little miffed,
but I don't care.
288
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:55,418
I feel wonderful telling the truth.
289
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,919
Well, I don't feel so wonderful
290
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,380
finding out you hate
to play bridge with me.
291
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,300
Well, I wouldn't if you'd stop
gabbing once in a while.
292
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,595
Oh, you shut up, Fred. You're no rose.
293
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,804
- [Lucy] I'll say he's not.
- Yeah.
294
00:14:07,804 --> 00:14:10,266
Why don't you buy Ethel
a new dress once in a while?
295
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,226
Yeah, you tell him, Lucy.
296
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,812
If you weren't such a tightwad,
297
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,689
she wouldn't have to go around
looking so tacky.
298
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,607
- Tightwad?
- Tacky?
299
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:21,444
Come on, let's get out of here.
We don't have to be insulted.
300
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:22,612
Now, wait a minute.
301
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,447
Wait a minute, Fred and Ethel.
302
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,991
I don't blame you for being a little huffy
303
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:30,912
but after all, we were the ones
who forced Lucy to tell the truth.
304
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,121
Well, that's right.
305
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:36,084
And besides, a few truthful criticisms
would do us all a lot of good.
306
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,543
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
307
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,295
She hasn't said anything about you yet.
308
00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:40,296
Yeah.
309
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:42,924
Okay.
310
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:49,847
Go ahead, Lucy, tell me my faults.
311
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:51,682
Tell me what you really think of me.
312
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:55,269
I think you are the most
handsome, the most wonderful,
313
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,940
the cleverest and the most
talented man in the whole world.
314
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,407
The truth didn't hurt me.
315
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,200
Oh, brother.
316
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,204
Can you think of any other faults of mine?
317
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,958
Yes, you're hammy, you're
stubborn and you're a coward.
318
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,044
A coward?
319
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,671
How do you like it now?
320
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:26,175
- She's really telling him, eh, Tightwad?
- You said it, Tacky.
321
00:15:28,511 --> 00:15:30,096
Now, let's wait a minute.
322
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,849
What is this business
about being a coward?
323
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,308
I'm not afraid of anything.
324
00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:37,145
Yeah, he proves it
every time he steps on the stage.
325
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:40,022
Never mind the wisecracks.
326
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,025
What is this coward routine?
327
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:46,320
You are afraid
that if I got half a chance at a career
328
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,156
that I would be the star of the family.
329
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:50,199
Oh, I see. You would, eh?
330
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:53,035
I have more talent in my little finger
331
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:55,246
than most people have in their whole body.
332
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,415
Uh-huh... well, I'll tell you what:
333
00:15:57,415 --> 00:16:00,418
I'm going to an audition tonight.
334
00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:03,629
They're casting for
one of the biggest shows in television.
335
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,214
Why don't you come along?
336
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:06,466
Okay, what'll I do?
337
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:09,010
Well, why don't you let them
audition your little finger?
338
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,012
What does it do-- sing, dance?
339
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:14,098
Never mind. I'll show you.
Ethel, will you take care of Little Ricky?
340
00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:15,975
Thank you. I'll go get ready.
341
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,394
What's the matter with you, Ricky?
342
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,563
Yeah, you can't run out to an audition.
343
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,274
If she doesn't tell a lie by 8:00,
we're out a hundred bucks.
344
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,067
I know, I know.
345
00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,945
I just found a way how to--
a way to win the bet
346
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,324
and keep her quiet about show business
at the same time.
347
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,408
You lost me.
348
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:36,329
Well, look, I know the way
that they conduct those auditions,
349
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,414
and she won't get to first base
350
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:40,291
unless she can prove to them
351
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,376
that she's got some experience.
352
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:44,504
- I don't get it.
- I do.
353
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:48,925
If she lies about her experience
to get a job, we win the bet,
354
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:51,928
and if she doesn't lie
about her experience,
355
00:16:51,928 --> 00:16:53,846
- she won't get the audition.
- Right.
356
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,891
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Just give this to me slowly.
357
00:16:56,891 --> 00:17:00,895
- Now, look, if she doesn't win...
- I can't understand where we come into...
358
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:06,317
Now, let me see. Who's next?
359
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:09,237
Mercedes Minch.
360
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,949
You've got a nice list of credits here.
361
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,034
"Sings like a chicken."
362
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,744
Sings like a chicken?
363
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:21,874
Well, this won't be
the first "fowl" singer I've heard today.
364
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,798
Well, go right ahead, please.
365
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,454
Well, thank you very much.
366
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,790
Don't call us.
We'll call you when we need you.
367
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,592
Now, let me see...
368
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,512
What are you doing here?
Who's with Little Ricky?
369
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,848
We got Mrs. Trumbull to sit with him.
We couldn't miss this.
370
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:22,059
Lucille McGillicuddy.
371
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:25,688
"Singer, dancer, comedienne,
372
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:28,691
monologist, mistress of ceremonies,
373
00:18:28,691 --> 00:18:30,318
after-dinner speaker,
374
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:34,821
saxophonist, star, bit player or extra."
375
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,199
That's quite some accomplishments.
376
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:40,578
Thank you... I'm just going
to sing and dance today.
377
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:41,579
Oh, just a moment, please.
378
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,290
There's nothing down
here under experience.
379
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,499
Oh?
380
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,667
Where have you appeared before?
381
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:48,669
How's that?
382
00:18:48,669 --> 00:18:50,463
I say, where have you appeared before?
383
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:58,220
Oh, uh. ... well, I ... let's see,
I just finished at, um...
384
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,850
Well, well, there's been so many places,
it's hard to single one out.
385
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,393
Well, try.
386
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,728
Oh.
387
00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,230
Uh...
388
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,567
I just finished a long run at Ricardo's.
389
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,943
- Ricardo's?
- Yes, sir.
390
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,112
I don't believe I've ever heard
of that place.
391
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,571
What sort of an establishment is it?
392
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,784
Oh, well, it's a three-ringed circus.
393
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,288
Yes, it's quite a place.
You should drop by some night.
394
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:25,998
How long was your engagement there?
395
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,292
11 years.
396
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,298
Yes, well, I'm ready. I have my--
397
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:37,385
Oh, just a minute, please.
Where else have you appeared?
398
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,387
Well ...
399
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,932
I was in 3D.
400
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,977
You say you've appeared
in Third Dimension.
401
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,188
No, sir, I did not.
402
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,648
I said I was in 3D.
403
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,193
Well, what's 3D
if it isn't Third Dimension?
404
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,366
It's the number on our apartment.
405
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,248
Well, I'm very sorry, Miss McGillicuddy,
406
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,166
but we're only interested
in professionals here.
407
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,085
Now, it's almost 8:00. We have to move on.
408
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:13,045
We only have time for one more.
409
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,672
Now, let me see.
410
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:16,507
Professor Falconi.
411
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,980
Something about a woman,
you're trying to say?
412
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,571
- Anybody here speak Italian?
- No.
413
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,655
Huh?
414
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,615
Well, I'm afraid that's all
for this session then.
415
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,410
Wait a minute. I speak Italian.
416
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,204
Well, I do speak Italian.
417
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:35,479
-
-
418
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:40,586
Ricky, Ricky, get me out of here!
419
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:42,755
I don't know how to speak Italian!
420
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:45,090
- I'll pay the bet. I'll pay the bet.
- Oh, honey.
421
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,092
I'll pay the bet.
422
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,970
I'm sorry I came in. I'm sorry.
423
00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,805
Oh, honey... Don't worry, honey.
424
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,015
I'll pay the bet.
425
00:23:53,015 --> 00:23:55,142
Oh, honey, you're wonderful.
426
00:23:55,142 --> 00:23:56,143
No, you're not.
427
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:58,479
You let me stand up there
and let him throw knives at me.
428
00:23:58,479 --> 00:24:00,522
What's the matter with you,
are you crazy or something?
429
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,942
Don't you love me anymore?
What are you trying to do, get rid of me?
430
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,234
Honey, he wasn't throwing knives at you.
431
00:24:05,234 --> 00:24:07,529
What do you mean he wasn't
throwing knives at me?
432
00:24:07,529 --> 00:24:09,823
No, no, look, look, honey,
I'll show you, look.
433
00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:11,992
The knives come from the back. Let one go.
434
00:24:14,787 --> 00:24:16,705
You see? You see, honey?
435
00:24:16,705 --> 00:24:17,915
They come from the back.
436
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,541
Oh.
437
00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:21,961
Oh, I ...
32864
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