Original subtitles

I've heard the main character appears naked.

Switch off the phone. You always forget and make a seen.

I'm so stunned after the joint we smoked before coming in.

Shut the fuck up, the film is starting!

FISH PEOPLE

Come on, everyone get the fuck out! We're shut. Go, please.

-Where are we going now? -Miss, go.

Guys, finish up your drinks, go. The loved-up couple too, Come on.

Doesn't your mother control you?

I meant everyone. Come on, finish your drinks.

Girls, boys, see you another day. Come on, sleeping beauty too.

The group, see you later, alligator. See you.

Everyone out, please.

-This goes for everyone, go. -It's cool, mate

Please, some room, okay?

Thank you.

Here you are.

Come on. To us, guys.

Shall we have the last one at Down?

Pass. Half an hour to start in the taxi, and almost no speed left.

Come on, let's go.

Fuck, thanks to you up till so late.

Juan Carlitos, you managed yourself quite well.

Don't fuss over it, your hair falls and you moan.

Enough. Two weeks partying, and we haven't found a flat.

Don't you think it's wrecking my head?

What a bummer, catching a bus

to go to sleep over to Peke's, in the ass-end of space.

At least your aunts lives near.

For fuck's sake. Haven't you got a home?

Yes, enough.

Stop the jaw, you'll scoop someone's eye out.

Fuck off, go now.

It's already daytime.

You can sleep on the sofa, but leave at one.

-My aunt will be back, she can't see you. -Yes.

-Don't eat that. -Why?

Is it for anyone special?

Yes, for the cats.

You're such a clown.

This wine is magnificent.

Your aunt takes good care of herself...

Good morning.

But, aunt...

Still here at this time?

-You'll be late for mass. -Today is St. Jonás,

and on St. Jonás's day, never get up before 10.

How cheeky that Jonás.

We were up early. We hope to find a flat.

Having a snack, but we're off now.

Really, Juan Carlos, I can't see the need.

You know you can stay with me as long as you want.

Besides, you've seen how difficult is to find a flat.

Too many people live in this city.

But many of them won't rent out flats.

You, yourself, own an empty flat.

Oh, Juan Carlos...

I've told you million times

the flat on Fish street is for my son.

And, if it's God's will, when I'm gone,

this flat will be yours.

-You're my godson. -Don't be so dramatic.

As my cousin's staying in Africa...

Don't say that!

He'll forget about that nonsense of taking care of those black people soon.

Well...

Juan Carlos, we must be off now, okay?

See you later, aunt.

You were having wine for breakfast.

I've been up for quite a while.

What's your cousin doing in Africa?

He went to Wakanda as a volunteer for an NGO some years ago.

But he met a black bombshell,

and they opened a beach bar.

-My aunt's silly and thinks he'll be back. -Is the house big?

Yes, because when I was a kid

they rented out to a family from Opus Dei, a large family.

She's silly. A big flat in the city centre, and it's empty.

Empty and abandoned.

She never sets foot in it, a reminder of my cousin.

Do you know what a squatter is?

Are you out of your mind?

Juanquiqui, let's cut the crap.

Squatting at your aunt's isn't a crime.

We'd be saving a lot of money.

You use the word saving very loosely.

Your aunt won't find out.

We take the keys, we get a copy, we put them back, and we have a flat.

Are you insane? And the neighbours?

Well...

Nothing, they'll think we've rented the flat.

If your aunt finds out,

what will she do, send us to jail?

Holy shit, what a rave-up.

But we should leave it as we found it, right?

It goes without saying.

And any spare room,

we can get some extra cash renting it out.

No way.

Then, you and I alone, okay?

So, shall we go for the keys?

Wait, you'll get me into trouble.

Come one, we start filming.

If you want to post a letter to a pal, without paying a penny, do this.

Write his name and address as the sender, and on the front, yours.

Post the letter, with no stamp on.

The postal service will return it to the sender as postage due.

Your mate will get the letter for free, no problem.

But it only works for mates living in the same city.

-Obviously. -Bastards, mother suckers!

- Motherfucker! -Let's hunt, shall we?

-Are you sure this is the door? -Yes, positive.

It's stuck. It hasn't been opened for so long...

Yes, the same as your aunt's fanny.

There, done.

Guys

Who are you?

Good morning. We are...

your new neighbours.

I'm Etelvino García, president of the building community

Well, I'm happy the flat's been rented.

An empty flat's very attractive for squatters.

I thought Eugenia was keeping it for someone in his family.

Yes, that's right.

In fact...

he's her son.

Hello.

Sorry, son. I remembered him with more hair.

-Are you the one who lived in Africa? -Yes. He came back last week.

From Wakanda.

Holy shit, Wakanda!

How are they dealing with the situation there?

What situation?

I mean the coexistence of different races,

like the legendary Yakundi, for example.

Wakanda's decolonisation process was dealt awfully.

Well, what the fuck, like all of them.

Those things, in the long run, end up bursting up.

Etelvino, some manners, holy shit!

-Come back to the table, we're eating! -The missus.

Well, boys. We'll talk some other day, and welcome.

Thank you, see you.

Come on.

Come on, shit, mate.

Done.

Is that it? With this plastic piece, the meter stops running?

That's what it says here.

-Can we trust the fanzine? - Do you want to trust ABC?

How cool is this house.

It's funny we've ended up living together.

At university I couldn't stand you.

-When do you start the course? - On Monday.

Did you see? The cistern is broken.

I'm calling a plumber tomorrow.

Do you need a course

to prepare for a sad public examination?

Do you need

to enroll in a new image college?

There's fucking no need.

My father insisted for me to live away from home.

I won't attend a fucking day.

That way, I'll have more time to write.

Will you enroll in a Literary Creation course or similar?

Are you crazy?

I don't need any frustrated writer to teach me.

If you know, you know. If not, you teach.

We can put the sofa here.

And...

And here, the TV and video recorder.

I was going to put the TV and video in my room.

No fucking way. And me, I'll nick one at Fnac, right?

I can tell you're an only child,

But we signed up yesterday.

-Did you give your number to your mummy? -No need.

She controls my mobile.

Hello?

Yes, it's here.

I can't talk to you now. What's your name?

Edorta.

Could you phone this afternoon?

Yes? Okay.

Thank you.

-Who was it? -Nobody, wrong number.

Wrong number? Why did you tell them to phone later?

Hello.

Yes, mum, it's me. Who else?

TODAY'S MENU

Look, fucking brilliant. There's sirloin on the cheap menu.

Fucking hell, poor things.

Fucking hell... Mate!

-How was the move? -Well.

You'll have to wait a bit.

Although if you stare at those who are having coffee,

they may leave earlier.

Some beer while you wait?

I prefer mugs if you have any, He's paying.

What's that?

You could thank me how well it's turning out, mate.

The truth is, so far, nobody suspects anything.

Etelvino even got me a copy of the post box key.

Yeah, but two boys in a big flat draws attention.

-It'd be better more people. -Do you reckon?

Shit.

It'd have to be someone we'd trust,

-someone who stayed just a few months. -Sure, students.

Imagine the money we could get renting the other three rooms.

But if they break something?

If something's broken, we fix it. We'll have plenty of money.

It'll look like if good gnomes have been around the house.

I don't know.

So you'll be more relaxed.

We won't split the money till school ends, in case of need.

You can put it aside if you want.

That's for sure.

-How will we find people? -Don't worry.

I've placed an ad. They keep ringing in.

-What a bastard. -Youngsters.

Tell me what you're having, it'll be quicker.

Sirloin.

Oh, there's none left. Everyone orders it.

But I have some whiting...

Sirloin, eh?

It's hilarious, these kids who want to sabotage everything.

I ordered a fanzine by post some days ago,

and he wrote me a note telling me to use the same stamp to answer back.

He had wrapped it in sellotape so I just had to remove it,

wipe it with cotton in alcohol to erase the postmark,

and glue it on my envelope.

For fuck's sake.

Twenty-five pesetas I'd save working for half an hour.

And they say they're exploited when they pick grapes.

You, where the fuck are you going? Smartarses.

Here. The round key is for the building main entrance.

-Where's Edorta? -In his room.

Edorta.

Edorta.

I have the keys you asked me for.

This is for the main entry.

Why are they different colours?

Sorry, I didn't realize.

-Well, these are lighter. -Because they're fucking rubbish.

The other rooms are bigger, as you are the first to arrive...

I prefer small spaces.

This is the sitting room.

Have a sit.

-Hello. I'm Juan Carlos. -James.

He plays in a stonking group. Your names were?

Fish Fuckers.

Do you make a lot of money in gigs?

No. Most times we only get free drinks.

So?

So. it's free.

No, man I mean then, how do make a living?

Oh, I also give guitar lessons.

They're very well paid.

Isn't that very noisy?

Noise? For noise we have you farting.

And, from nine to one you're at school. Providing he does it then...

Well, James. The room is...

thirty-five thousand per month, and a two-month rental deposit.

Two months? It's a lot of money.

It's non-negotiable.

Then...

What the fuck!

No problem.

-But I'll get the deposit back, right? -Of course.

Of course, mate.

Excuse us.

That outsider is a dork. Don't get entourage him.

What? I think he's very nice.

Besides, you accepted a girl without asking me.

Don't compare. Gloria studies journalism, and looks very formal.

She doesn't come till next week, we can still discuss it.

No, Very well, it's done.

You, the formal one and I, the weird one, to compensate.

Hello.

Edorta's friends, right? At the end of the corridor.

In the love field, great

My friends, great

Let alone my family, everyone great

WORK NOTES

Work, great

In the unemployment office, great

When I look ahead, I see good things

Everything is going well

My life is good

I'm so happy

Everything is going well

My life is going well

I'm so happy

BRAVE RIVER

Drugs, great

Drinks, really great

My health is in demand

Awesome

Problems, great

My conscience, great

I always sleep like a baby

Awesome

What are you doing?

I have to return it this evening, so holes everywhere.

Are you crazy?

-Who can it be? -Gloria, bringing her stuff.

What's up? I've heard you're looking for people to share.

James, mate...

Hi, I'm Lucia, and you?

-Hello, I'm... -Álvaro.

-Hello. -Hello.

Not many job opportunities with a degree in Arts?

Yes, but I'd rather study something I like.

Study? In Arts you don't do much studying.

But, you have to spend a lot of time working at home.

What a beautiful stone.

Don't touch it, it gets demagnetise.

Listen, Lucia. Where are you from?

-From here. -Do your parents live elsewhere?

No, they live here too.

I convinced them to give me more money every month

-to become independent. -Sure.

To become independent it's the best way.

So, you don't mind paying the two-month rental deposit.

Sure, no problem.

Oh. This time it's Gloria at the door.

If you want, I can tell her we can't take her.

Yes, good idea.

Hello. I'm Gloria.

-I was afraid it was you. -Sorry about my clothes.

I've just finished work, and as it's so near...

Don't worry. If it's for the room, you're late.

What do you mean I'm late?

Yesterday I agreed with Juan Carlos I'd moved in at 15:30.

I'm sorry it's 15:45.

Are you serious?

Sharing a flat is very serious. If we start like this, it's a bad sign.

Don't insist. We're full.

People are so unreliable...

Juan Carlos, there was no variety here, eh?

To port. That one hasn't stopped winking her cunt since we got in.

Bars aren't the only places where you can meet girls.

Yeah, but I don't want to pay.

Don't count on me to go out with you another night.

Next Saturday we're having a party at home.

-You won't have to move. -Are you mad?

So they destroy the flat? No way.

I've started the course, the partying's over.

But, Swee'Pea, loosen up a bit,

we're free to do whatever we want.

Do you want to spend all your life messing about?

I thought you wanted to write.

To write about life, you have to live first, I reckon.

Anyway, we stick to our own interest. You, study. It works great for me.

As you'll be busy, can I have Lucía?

Enough. I think Lucía is very cute.

You don't need to talk about all girls as objects.

The girls in your porn films are cute objects.

What are on about?

I had a look at your collection.

You're so dirty-minded... All, almost all, about peeing.

Let's go before they serve us another beer.

Yes. You, with a full bladder, must be a real risk.

Look, smartarse, who was with the girl in the miniskirt.

-Holy shit, with the baldy. -What has he got you haven't got?

Coke, for sure.

Hello.

Juan Carlos, your mother!

Hello, mum.

Eh? No, you know I turn the mobile off when I'm at home.

Hello.

Juan Carlos, it's your mum!

Well, studying.

Have a girlfriend? I wished. Don't you think I like girls?

Hello

Juan Carlos, your mummy!

I told you a million times not to visit me.

Yes, sure, aunt Eugenia even less. You haven't talked to each other for ages.

Hello.

No idea if Burgos paper is sold here?

Yes, dad transferred the money. No need to talk to him

Yes, okay. Good-bye, mum.

I have a daughter who vomits everything.

I get that she wants to be a model...

What the fuck is this?

... the basis rather than not eating will be having surgery, I guess.

-It's a subject that... -Shit.

How can this gross stuff be on at lunch time?

-Just yesterday... -James, mate.

... widely, we'll hear a...

Actually it smells of rabbit everywhere.

-Taste it. -Telepizza...

Behind the brand Consumer...

César, please.

-The debate... -Let the series.

The bird would be a good shag.

What are you watching?

One of those programmes people talk about their lives.

-Pretty. Are you going out? -Yes.

To some friend's exhibition, at a tea shop.

Did you order pizza?

This isn't eating well.

One day we must cook a nice dinner.

It sounds good.

Dinners yes, but parties no.

So, how shall we arrange it, Lucia?

Better if Higinio prepares dinner at the restaurant,

and we don't mess around.

At your friend's who, when I come in, stares at my boobs?

What a great plan.

If you prefer, we go to one of the posh ones you like.

where the waitresses show their boobs.

This weekend I'll be in Ibiza, visiting friends.

-The next one, if you want, I can cook. -India, Ibiza...

Don't you have any friends in Woodstock?

Woodstock! Fucking great.

If you need support, we'll help you stop it.

CONNECTING

Shit, I could feel that something was making me nervous.

Edorta, mate.

Edorta, mate

What?

Stop the text messages.

Did you hear about the dinner?

-What dinner? -Not this Saturday, the next,

Lucía will cook dinner for everyone.

Cool.

What a drag.

Every day with the fucking mobiles.

What they do is to isolate.

TV flips me out...

Those shows people are interviewed in the street.

It's fucking weird, man.

They don't care if you're a mad old woman, or a stutterer.

Whatever you answer to what they're asking,

you'll be on.

And of course, honestly,

as in my job confidentially is essential,

I wouldn't fucking like my face to be on TV.

So I've been thinking,

and I've got something in case they catch me unexpectedly.

No, it's nothing to do with fucking.

If you mention shagging, the way people think now, you'll be on surely.

But...

if I tell them about a private matter, I've heard, concerning the king,

-I bet they won't show it. -Cut!

Attention. A message for José Jonathan's and Vanesa María's parents.

Please come to the lost objects department as soon as possible.

How was your weekend?

Good, but It wasn't very sunny.

-Do you like Dijon mustard? -I've never tasted it.

What are you doing, hot dogs?

No, it's for the salad.

-It gives it that spicy touch. -Great.

Mate, watch were you going.

-Fede. -Lucía.

What are you doing here?

Here, doing some bachelor shopping.

He's Juan Carlos, my flatmate.

Hello. What's up?

Nice to meet you.

-I didn't see you at the tea shop. -Maybe, I didn't go.

I helped setting up the exhibition.

And I don't like openings at all.

Let me have a look at you.

Well...

Yes, girl.

Shit, it's seven, I'm meeting someone.

I'm very happy to see you. We must meet one day.

Well, Juan Pedro, see you.

And remember, don't drink...

and drive.

He's so nice.

We remind you about our offer in fantasy knickers and tights

at our underwear department.

Did you get more toilet paper?

-Are all the rolls gone? -Yes.

By the way, what happened to the cistern?

I forgot all about it. On Monday I'll phone the plumber.

Well, anyway. We'll have to organize things better.

Either we smarten up, or we'll be the house maids.

It's 12,025.

Allow me, I'm buying.

Have you got 25?

That I'll pay.

Shall we eat or what?

Yes, almost ready.

-Some wine or you keep drinking beer? -Well...

Wine.

A little more.

A little more...

A little more... That'll do, thank you.

What a keg.

He ate cod.

Careful, he understands more than you think.

How will he understand? He's loaded.

I'll finish setting the table.

Thank you, Juan Carlos. You're so sweet.

I'm destroy.

-Hurry. -Something's wrong.

-Fuck you, old woman. -No, shit.

-I'm checking it, it's wrong. -I'm destroy.

Stop there, motherfucker.

ROMERO, "THE COP"

Take this, fucking cop!

Till it beats up the cop, it works great.

The gun falls into the puddle, not the hedge.

-Edorta? -Look how it falls into the puddle.

Listen, Edorta.

Killing police.

Shall we eat now?

I'll call you later.

What's that videogame?

An educational programme.

It shows how to kill.

What are you looking at?

Come on.

-To the flat. -For the flat that's flat.

Well...

Bon appetit.

Do you like the wine?

It's really nice.

I'd much rather have a young red than a heady vintage

It's fucking great.

-The sauce is a bit spicy. -But it's nice.

Yes, it's nice, but it's a bit hot.

Now that we're all here, I need to tell you two things.

First, we'll have satellite TV from Monday.

Juan Carlos and I paid the deposit, the monthly payments will be shared.

I wanted also to tell you that's time

we created a shift schedule for the house choirs.

If you want, I'll draw a diagram.

-What house choirs? -Mainly,

cleaning the toilet, kitchen, shopping and cooking.

If you keep eating out, your face will be covered in spots.

Don't include me in the schedule.

I won't eat here or use the kitchen.

And the bathroom?

I don't mind if it's dirty. If you mind, you clean it.

His diagram fits in a Post-it note.

It's for me.

What are you doing?

-Did you order Chinese? -Yes.

I saw what you cooked for the next dish, I pass.

I ordered some spring rolls.

You have some balls. There.

About paying the satellite, no way. I hardly watch TV.

If I did, I wouldn't pay anyway.

I hate unilateral decisions, even if they're the majority's

I'm going to eat in my room. Bon appetit.

Thank you!

The salad was very nice

I'll get the next dish.

Tomatoes!

Before I forget, let's make some calculations

Thanks to Edorta, the antisocial

we have to divide what dinner cost into four.

What dinner?

The one you're having.

Excuse me, wasn't it on you?

What? I said I'd cook, but nothing about paying for it.

You want everything.

What? You're a fucking mouse.

Twelve thousand! Didn't you nick anything, fools?

Don't complain, mate.

We went that far so it'd be cheaper.

And 1,800 for the taxi.

So, you went to Alcampo and came back in a taxi.

That's it, let's all go to the country!

Look, I'm off.

I'm also off.

Shit!

Don't worry.

He was clever there.

If you want to boss around, start an NGO, and get some sap volunteers,

but with me, you're wasting your time.

Sit down, stop the nonsense.

Jesus Christ, what was I thinking sharing a flat with four guys?

They're all unreliable.

Fuck...

-The champagne. -Shit.

Fuck.

Listen.

Sorry, Edorta, can you give me a roll?

Go to the toilet, I left two very hot ones there.

I don't understand people putting up with toxic relationships.

Now we even try out a washing machine before buying it.

Why can't I change friends or my partner if it's no good?

I don't care much.

When I finish work, I take off my glasses, I let my hair loose,

I put on one of those bras that reduces men's brains several sizes,

and there I go to try out washing machines, why not?

Hello, Marta. It's me.

Shall we meet later?

Nothing, I'll tell you later, I'm so pissed off...

Okay, we'll meet up after class.

Bye.

Are you going out too?

Yes.

-Listen, you like going to the cinema? -Sure.

-I was thinking off going this weekend... -Great.

There's a very good Somali film, first at San Sebastián Festival.

I enjoy third world films very much.

I mean, not from the western world.

It's subtitled, and has hardly any dialogues.

-You may find it boring. -Not at all.

I love films with hardly any dialogue.

Not the cheesy ones, you know what I mean.

How are you, boy!

And this beautiful girl? She's not Yakundi, eh?

Hello, what's up?

I was reading National Geographic, and wondered...

In what city in Wakanda did you live?

-In... Wakanda. -Fucking hell, in the capital city.

Didn't you go as a cooperant worker?

I thought Wakanda city was highly industrialized.

-But, they're also poverty. -Of course.

The big contrasts north-south.

And there, in the big city,

which is the largest race?

The black one.

How funny.

Yes, I know. Hardly any white people.

I mean if the supremacy of the southern Yakundis

-is clearly reflected on the metropolis. -Well,

the truth is that I worked for an NGO only for white people.

Some stuff of the Monetary Fund.

I hardly dealt with black people.

A shame.

Sorry, we're in a bit of a hurry.

-Long live the young. -You have some weird friends.

Listen, Higinio, have you ever been to Africa by chance?

Black Africa, I mean.

In Africa you say, the titty bar in Aranda?

A few times I've been to Africa...

But now, most girls are from eastern Europe.

Those Astro-Hungarians.

Black, what you call black, you can't find a single one.

Well.

Are you coming to James's gig on Friday?

I don't think so. It depends.

It depends on what?

Did you hit on Frida Kahlo, the painter?

-If it goes well, I'll tell you. -If it does.

You can make a wig with her sideburns.

Are you buying all those?

Yes, why?

For nothing.

By the way, you could advance me some money from the juice.

Eh, mate?

With a fucking pen, I can't write any coherent stuff.

-I need a computer. -What?

We agreed to save it in case something was broken.

Okay, What needs fixing?

To start, we'll have to put up wallpaper in the room

of weird Edorta.

-Hello. -Hello.

Hello.

Fuck, you're busted.

-I bet he heard you. -Don't laugh,

he and his friends are a menace.

I bet they're into violent video games.

Violent video games?

You're such a nerd.

Come on, don't weasel out of it. Will you advance me some cash?

I need to be more professional.

What are you doing?

Hello. I have to do an assignment for school,

my room is too small.

-You don't mind, do you? -No.

Quite the opposite.

I'm ever so tired...

I don't feel like going out, even if it's Friday.

What are you doing?

Will you meet your neighbour to talk about Walanda?

No, no way.

Fancy going to the cinema?

I can't.

I'm eating out with my classmates, I must go.

But, I'll leave early.

Then, I'll stay home and wait for you.

Studying.

Oh, I'm no silly.

Don't worry.

We can wallpaper the whole room...

There's no coffee in the machine.

-Who asked for coffee with brandy? -Here.

Thank you, Fitipaldi.

Wow, mate. The bums around here are nice.

Buzz, what about the article for my mate's magazine?

I'm working on that, getting documentation and so on.

You, that know everyone, who is the one in the Doraemon T-shirt?

-Not for you, she's got a boyfriend. -Like the rest, always boyfriends.

Buzz, mate.

I'm off, I have to work. If you go to Down, I'll see you there.

No, I see the gig and go home. I want to finish this article soon.

-Yeah. I see you later. -See you later. Don't stay up late.

Are you calling me a liar? You're the liar.

I just gave you my opinion.

Say whatever you please, but don't insult me.

Then, I'll give my opinion, which is that you're a motherfucker.

What's my mother got to do with this?

In this programme...

Sorry, we haven't got time to discuss more

about today's subject, the tidal change.

Fucking hell.

Wait, I leave this and we can go.

-Hello. -Hello.

A strike with a baseball bat won't make a car explode.

It's what I say, Molotov-cocktails and done, right?

See you later.

-See you later. -But bear in mind

that the security guard shitting himself at the first strike is great.

With the cocktail, impossible, as it'll burn up.

But first is first, we don't know how to put the gun behind the hedge.

Open your mouth.

There, get on with it.

Here, drink.

Drink my urine, bitch.

-Give me a beer. -This is fucking great.

I have plenty of time

When I pay attention, I do it slowly.

As when I fuck

I feel

And if I don't tremble

I put up fences I draw with my eyes

And now I'm lying, I made it up

Sometimes it fails, sometimes it doesn't

Servants, heat and deer

It's so simple, I'm scared of understanding it

Why don't you fuck?

Why don't you fuck?

Why don't you fuck?

Why don't you fuck?

Why don't you fuck?

Why don't you fuck?

Why don't you fuck?

He's my friend.

-Buzz! Did you see us? -You were fucking great.

Come on, shit!

Rock? Rock is dead music for old people.

Life has other music.

When you're still inside your mother's womb...

-It's like your first club. -Sure.

I live on the eighth second floor,

which is the same as the eighth first, which is a fourth third.

I you look closely, the juxtaposition of grids

always appears in electronic music.

It's like a basic structure.

Have your own view configuration.

Yeah, as you please.

It's clear, right? Eh?

Yes, Chele. It's as you said earlier, the club life is more...

-I mean, it's a different stuff. -Fucking hell.

Can you shut up? We're fucking.

Have they ever thrown their kickers to you?

-Yes. -Man!

-Here is the errant Irish man. -Thank you.

-Rafa. -Álvaro.

Does anyone want some poison?

What is it, speed or coke?

Speed. Just arrived from Bilbao. Enough for everyone.

I have to go home.

Well, if it's speed, give me a small line.

Small? Like a coat sleeve!

Mr. Butcher, put me a slice

Not of mortadella, of something else

I'm all ready to load the rucksack

Of different samples to go partying

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

That I'm having it all

Johnny, you're something.

Not everyone would buy pig's hormones online

to spray them on you and attract all the girls.

I guess this makes me different from common guys

as the most of you.

Juan Carlos.

-Yes? -Hi.

Sorry to wake you up so early.

In the end, we got tied up till very late.

Well, if you're waking me up is for a good cause.

I'd say it is.

This sort of situations makes me a bit...

Relax.

You've got some condoms, right?

Yes, sure. Wait here.

Don't move.

Tell me where, I'll get them.

As you get in the room, on the left,

on a shelf I have an orange piggy bank.

Inside it there are three or four.

Right.

Juan Carlos, I've already found them.

And?

Thank you very much.

Juanillo, nice guy.

I've run out of mine.

Sure.

Ciao.

Ciao.

Ciao, bitch.

Ladies and gentlemen, it seems it's drizzling.

-Shit, how chilly. -And it's a fact,

it's raining over Sadar, ladies and gentlemen.

Look for it.

Pigs, you have no shame!

-Who is it? -Commercial post.

It's Saturday morning.

How awesome, mate!

Fuck, I'm more loaded than a cyclist.

What a big cigar you're going to smoke.

The one on her knees smoking a big cigar,

will be my girlfriend when I get home.

Fucking hell!

I forgot. She chucked me out.

Could you give me asylum in your flat for a couple of days?

In my flat? What flat? If I...

I live in a squatted house.

Better, they won't notice another person.

-It's already crowded. -I'm used to it.

In the nick four people lived in cells for two.

Well, but I can't bring over whoever I like.

I can't even have parties.

They are a bunch of boring hippies.

Okay, I see what's going on.

I'm good for going out with you,

but if I ask you for a favour, you let me rot in the street.

-What's the matter? Are you pissed off? -Pissed off?

You haven't seen me pissed off, kid.

It's fine.

I'm going home. What the hell, it's my house.

And when my girlfriend opens the door, two punches.

You'll see how quickly she's convinced.

You won't fix anything like that.

Fuck, I was kidding.

Not to worry, I'll find something.

But she's getting the two punches for sure.

Shit, I quit.

Good morning.

Do you know who that custard belongs to?

Lucía made it two weeks ago for the dinner we had.

But, can I eat it?

I guess. If you dare...

It's not off, a bit acid.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

How outrageous. There's not a single clean cup.

Take that sausages jar, it's clean.

Stop the nonsense.

There's grease even in the detergent cap.

Apparently you didn't have enough with disturbing us with your moans.

Why that vulgarity? I've just said this is filthy.

Besides, wasn't your turn to clean?

Here everyone minds their own business, so I'll do the same.

I'm going to study for my exam, and fuck you all off.

You really are fucked.

Yakundi!

Lucía, excuse me.

-What's up? -This custard is very nice.

You're a good cook.

But, are you mad, James?

God!

I'm so hungry I could eat Dumbo's ears.

I won't go in, my neighbour is in there.

Fucking Yakundi.

To McDonald's, so you get superheroes figurines.

No way. Who knows what's in the food if they give those stupid gifts?

Let's have pizza.

-What do you feel like? -I'll only have a salad.

-Aren't you hungry? - I don't have money.

As someone won't give me any.

What about what we charge the people in the flat?

I told you it's to be put aside, in case.

We'd better wait till the end of school just in case.

-Why are you such a jinx? -No jinx, a realistic.

With people like Edorta, you need to be distrustful.

The other day, his friends were talking about guns.

A gun behind a hedge or stuff like that.

Yes. The hedge between Lucía's legs,

-and her boyfriend's dick, for fuck's sake -What boyfriend?

Her smart professor.

Who, for your information, has a studio in the attic in our building.

Why do you think Lucía moved into with us?

-Looking for the brush. -I knew the arsehole was familiar.

-And you said you had a chance. -What a nerve.

I don't how you talked me into taking in that bitch.

I talked you into it? What a nerve you have.

You always manage to make it look like I force you to do things.

Whatever, but I'd have preferred the fat one.

Hello.

What a coincidence.

We didn't know you worked here.

-Hello Marín. -Hello.

-A tea? It's nice and relaxing. -Thank you. I'm fine.

Some toasted wholemeal bread? It's very healthy.

Fucking no.

We may be fried up on the barbecue.

No problem.

No more barbecue.

PROSTITUTION IN THE THIRD WORD: SEX AND PERVERSION FOR ALL TASTES

Hello, Juan Luis.

-Hello. -An olive?

No, thank you.

The other day, about the condoms,

I thought there was a tense atmosphere.

-What do you mean, tense? -Tense

I thought you wanted something with Lucía.

Not really.

-Why are you saying that? -Don't pretend. It's normal.

You were sleeping there, maybe a morning one

when all of the sudden,

a half-naked bird wakes you up asking your for condoms

What were you supposed to think? That you got lucky.

What I think is that it's sad how professors,

especially in Arts, take advantage of their students

-shagging them. -Are you stupid?

Why do you get into what I do?

Why can it be I the one who shagged him?

That's true, because she hit on me straight away.

-What are you saying, Fede? -You must be very desperate

to allow to be treated like that.

Don't worry, let's leave him. We know where the condoms are...

Those kids, making a seen in front of everyone.

Film them, so their parents can see.

Where do you want them to go, poor them

-if the housing market is awful? -True.

I only know that every morning, there they are, right in the middle,

doing it as dogs on heat.

Leave them alone, woman.

They're better laying on the grass

than doing drugs in a waste ground like others do.

Not really.

Because while they're injecting themselves, they don't bother anyone.

But, where are you taking that to?

Upstairs!

-Esther. -Yes, Esther.

-Come. -What?

Where's the toilet? I'm pissing myself.

-At the end, on the right. -Thank you.

How can you sit here?

TOILET

-Hello. -Hello.

Hi. I'm here to hand in the article for the magazine.

-Is the director here? -The director?

Fuck...

No, he's not here.

Is this the last article?

I was supposed to bring it a week ago, but I've been busy.

I wrote it by hand, the next one will be on a computer.

It's a story "to be continued". I hope it's not a problem.

No problem, it won't be included till the Christmas issue.

-You had to hand it in yesterday. -What?

No one told me. You don't let know authors?

Well, there's a silver lining.

This way you have time to end your story.

Of course, because "to be continued"...

What's wrong? The typical, right? You didn't know how to end it.

If no idea comes up, say it all was the character's dream

What do you know if no idea comes up? I have plenty of ideas.

It doesn't look like it, because...

you haven't written not even three sheets.

Come on, Manolo, leave the boy.

By the way...

There are grants for storytellers.

-Don't make fun, I have a phone. -Let's get back to business.

What do I have to do? 500 flyers in four colours.

You know what? One day, this will be worth millions.

I won't write so you make a killing and tease me.

What's wrong with the new millennium Paco Umbral?

Are you stupid, can you see it?

Watch it! Shit. It had to be you.

What were you doing there?

Nothing, after the exams I have some days off,

and I'm going to Bilbao, a cultural trip to Guggenheim.

-What's in that bag? -A silly thing I bought.

Let me see it.

Did you buy a PlayStation Two? Where's the money from?

-From the juice you never want to give me. -What? I bought it with my savings.

-So many drugs are harming your brain. -I will harm your brain.

Enough, I'm tired of you being so cocky.

Why should I give you money? The flat isn't yours.

-And the idea? -Hey, boys!

First news. Do you want to see tomorrow's menu?

Exclusively, before printing the copies.

Don't skive off, you've forgotten about me lately.

I'll come with you, I need copies of my notes.

-Aren't you coming? -I pass.

-We'll talk. -If I want.

What's the matter? Couple problems?

You remind me of Pimpinela.

Fucking boys.

-Excuse me, Edorta. -What the fuck do you want?

I come for this month's rent?

I can't find Juan Carlos, bills need to be paid.

I pay my share into an account Juan Carlos gave me.

Right. Can you lend me some money?

You wished. Arrange it between you two, the landlords.

What a shit.

-Buzz!

Seen Esther? She was looking for you.

-I'm meeting James and Rafa. -I see.

Friends. Tell her we'll meet at the After.

-See you then. -See you later...

Go.

unless I get something better.

Have we met before?

Buzz! Have you met Vanesa?

No.

Don't worry.

A whisky, please.

Can I have a sweet?

Where are you from?

From Maretto, Wisconsin.

You like playing.

In Maretto, do you play teto?

Trick or treat? Mate!

Rafita.

What are you doing with that stupid pumpkin?

You're so naive.

Can't you see it's a fucking American thing?

Rafa, they are American.

Fuck, I've screwed up.

-Spanish assholes. -We're going over to the other bar.

-I'm coming with you. -No!

-You're with your friend. -Lewinsky, give me another sweet.

Thanks a lot.

Trick or treat, yin and yang.

What is it, "trick or treat" or "ruse or treat"?

In the films, they always say it differently.

In the first Halloween film, what did they say?

And what the fuck I know? Fuck off.

So, you don't want a shot.

A shot? That's what I'd do to you.

Come on, I'll have a bit from the end.

You too, Brutus?

Let's start the Happy Hour.

Thank you, cutie.

It's funny how people become so kind

when you share your drugs.

This girl works in the bank with me, she used to ignore me.

Last weekend I bumped into her,

and she was so high thanks to me.

Then, on Monday, all hung-over, she wanted some of my tonics,

the typical stuff, you know, half a Sumial, codeine syrup...

After she got better, she demanded the leaflet,

because she needs to know what she's taking.

What an arsehole,

if you get free pills at seven a.m.

don't ask for the leaflet.

Come on. The more noise, the better.

-Do you know whose car is this? -Ours

Don't get on my nerves, we're going for a drink.

-and will be back in... -Go for her!

-20 minutes. -This one is ours.

What, do you still find it funny?

Wait, mate, I'll help you.

Motherfuckers!

What are you doing with my car?

Rafa, enough!

-I... -You're mad.

-when I start I can't stop. -Will nobody stop that beast?

What's wrong?

Take this!

Take this, dickhead!

-Haven't you got any football videogame? -No.

The others in the flat are into football.

You say "football", right?

If they don't like football, you say: "queers".

Fucking queers

Holy shit, what weirdos.

Take this!

-You've killed me. -Fucking live with it.

Gibraltar for Spain.

By the way, did you know I'm also a musician?

Do you play music?

In my parents' hometown, I played the cymbals as a kid.

No music theory, but rhythm flows through my veins,

like gypsys.

Do you know what a gypsy is, right?

-What's wrong, don't you have paper? -No.

And can't you ask?

Do you have cigarette paper?

What the fuck! This guy is very funny, mate.

Guys.

I'll sleep for a while.

-Don't make noise, I want to sleep. -Sleep? Sleep with her, I'd say.

-Have you got some cigarette paper? -Have a look in my jacket.

If you can't stop wanking off,

at least don't use up all the toilet paper, sick people.

Damn it! You must be the lady of the house.

-Who is that guy? -A friend of mine.

-And why in underpants? -He's staying for a while. Any problem?

Your boyfriend's here all day, in a kimono.

The night isn't only home to neon laughter, powder of insanity

-and symmetrical lust curves. -Give me that.

The night's also home to stories of blood and pure life that rip apart,

stories like Rafa's story.

-Damn, it's me! -Leave that.

Stop!

Rafa, daytime took his father away and nightime gave him a woman.

This is true.

You'll have to share the royalties.

-Relax. -Did you write that?

"Symmetric lust curves."

How pretentious.

Bugger off.

Wow, what temper.

Already rolled the joint.

It's not very symmetrical

Randy!

You haven't got anything for a quick bite.

Enough.

You could do some shopping.

Now you have someone sleeping there?

This house is a mess.

Such chaos.

Look who's talking... The crazy red-haired guy.

See you later, Juan... Pablo II, everyone loves you.

The truth is what happens in this flat is unbelievable.

I had thought...

if you wanted, we could look for a place together.

Fuck, and theses iron pieces?

To make it more pleasant.

Before it was sad, now it's sad with volutes.

More than a chair it looks like a casket.

You were saying that we looked for a place, what for?

Somewhere to live, of course.

You and I?

No, not yet for me.

Living together spoils relationships a lot.

-People start taking things for granted... -Yes.

Like you putting on my kimono without asking for my permission.

Shit.

It must be James's student.

I'm going to my studio.

Why do you live in the middle of our conversation?

I sense stormy weather. When you're more relaxed, I'll come down.

You don't need to come down. Stay at home.

I don't want to be with a guy who doesn't respect me.

Be with a guy?

Sorry, you and I fucked four times, that's all.

How can you be such a swine?

You'd better take a pill for your period, so you calm down.

Bastard! I don't want to ever see you again!

How difficult girls get when they have their period.

What's the period?

Shit.

Shit! I hate this house!

I look into the mirror and I'm happy

I never think of anyone else, except me

I never think of anyone else, except me

I read books nobody else understands

I listen to tapes I recorded with my voice

I listen to tapes I recorded with my voice

Locked at home, I don't care about anything

I don't need anyone

I'll never go out

I have baths in cold water non-stop

And I cut myself with razor blades

And I cut myself with razor blades

I lay on the floor of my room

And I see my body decomposing

And I see my body decomposing

Locked at home, I don't care about anything.

Lucía, no hard feelings,

but don't you think the kitchen is filthy?

What do you care? You don't even set foot in it, right?

No, I don't.

and I don't give a shit if you like to live surrounded by filth,

but this pigsty you live in is full of cockroaches

-that sneak into my room. - Not my problem.

You can solve it yourself.

Okay, very well.

-Then let me have this for a moment, -Easy.

And you'll see how I solve it myself.

-What are you doing, Edorta? -Closing down the kitchen.

How cool.

Don't you get it? I'm going to close it, seal it.

No kitchen. Do you understand now?

Then wait, please.

Come on, for fuck's sake!

Thank you.

What the fuck...?

Shit.

-What are you doing? -I'm closing down the kitchen.

It doesn't matter. As you no longer use it...

Stop it or we'll call the police.

Yes, or agent Romerales.

Done. So not a single bug can come out.

I can't believe it.

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm setting up this tent my student Martín lent me.

I can see that. What for?

To sleep dry. There are more water leaks than pans.

I'll get that!

Hi, boy. What's up?

Look, not that it disturbs me,

in fact, I've been hearing you all morning.

The tribal rhythms you learnt in Africa.

I think they're fabulous,

but my wife has arrived.

and, please, can you play less loudly.

Or something more local, a pasodoble or similar.

Now that you're here, there are leaks on the ceiling.

It upsets me to know,

as they could be my fault.

-Come. -There's a problem

-with the bathroom pipes. -Of course.

You could fix it, dickhead.

What an uncouth guy!

JUAN CARLOS HERNÁNDEZ MADRID-SANTO DOMINGO

Listen, mate. I borrowed a shirt from you

because I'm going out.

You don't mind, right?

No, not at all.

There it goes

This is no proof.

What the fuck are you watching?

X Files!

What a fucking crappy series.

They talk and talk about Martians and bullshit the whole episode,

but they never fuck, never fuck.

Do you know what I loved watching when I was a kid.

Eh? Love boat.

Yes. I've heard it was very good.

Fucking shit! It was a fucking sailing strip club.

As soon as they got on the ship, Julie welcomed them and asked:

"What? You're on your own, eh?"

She ticked him to know who was in need

to find him a good tart that same night.

God, she was an expert in brothel procedure, she was.

I see you're a bit tense with me.

No.

What's wrong?

Are you pissed off because I got into this flat for free, right?

Perhaps you think as my mother,

who used to say guests and fish stink on the third day.

What a bitch my mother is.

I know that I have a symbiotic relationship with this flat.

See what you got around here.

For fucking cry out loud! Shall we see this one?

No, leave it.

This boy got scared.

This guy is sick.

This thing of selling stupid stuff as something iconic to kids

is the best business. Have a look.

This year I contacted online

an American collector of Pez dispensers

who's eager to taste the only flavour not sold in his country,

cherry.

So I send him cherry sweets I buy at the baker's on the corner,

twenty-five pesetas.

He, in return, sends me models of dispensers not made here.

Then, I sell them in the shop at a steep price.

Like this one of Spiderman.

Cool, eh?

Online relations are the ones that work best.

The further one is from the other, the better. Take my word.

What you touch, you pay for.

Sorry, I...

Don't worry, boy. I'm the one in a hurry today.

LINE CUT

James.

Buzz.

-Hello. -What do you want?

Has the phone line been cut?

Who should have something cut is the son of the bitch in the attic.

Has anything happened with Fede?

He says my chair is crap.

I did exactly what he said, but no Christmas exhibition for me.

What a bastard.

The worst thing is that he ignores me in class.

Don't talk to me about classes.

They told me I'm doing really badly in the course, and not to sit the exam.

Shit. There's none left.

Yes, everything is over.

Come on, calm down.

But, how gross!

-What did you think? -Fuck.

What do you expect me to think if a half-naked girl is all over me?

Slut!

How a bald shorty like you thinks he has a chance with me?

I'd rather do a sandwich with James and the freak in the sitting room.

Get out of here right now!

And here, do whatever you want with it!

What? Where are you going? To fool around, right?

All day doing nothing.

If working was good, the rich would keep it for them, idiot.

Stick your lectures up to your arse.

The only idiot is your father,

who works really hard so you have this great life.

Don't get so cocky. Don't mention my father.

The problem with you is that you don't fuck.

I see how much you fuck.

What are you saying? I did yesterday.

With the usual one.

Do you call fucking, sleeping with your girlfriend?

Esther isn't my girlfriend.

We meet up occasionally, but no strings attached.

Sure she has others, as for you...

I'll hit you.

Juancar, while you're in the Caribbean, can I sleep in your room?

-What? What Caribbean? -Yes

-I found the plane ticket. -Give me that.

Son of a bitch! Do you call that a cultural trip to Guggenheim?

It's my money and do what I want. Isn't it enough you live here for free?

I might throw you out.

And I'll tell them about your scam.

Buzz, the last thing you can be in this life is a fucking fool.

So sort it out, men don't argue about money.

Fuck off.

To the Caribbean to screw around, right?

Or peeing around, they say you can do anything there.

Sexual tourism is called.

Esther, I've been phoning you all day.

Hello, How are you?

Awful.

Today we catch a taxi, and go to your place.

My flat is a chimp's tea party.

Álvaro, excuse me. I can't meet you today.

Are you still mad about what happened?

Or do you want another deep discussion?

What I want is you to fuck off.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

-Let's sit down and chat about it. -I'm sorry, they're waiting for me.

I'll call you one day, if I don't have anything better to do.

Okay? Ciao.

Shall we go, then? Come on.

Another whiskey and coke, I dropped this one.

There you have it. Look who's there.

For fuck's sake.

Man!

The night chronicler.

Long time no see. Where were you, boy?

Have you found a girlfriend or what?

For fuck's sake.

Leave it, this...

this is fucking crap.

Hey, boy. Have you got something to eat?

Fuck off.

Holy shit.

Hello, mum.

How are you?

Yes, well. My aunt is fine. Yesterday I went over to see her.

Yes, they started putting up the lights here too.

Christmas starts earlier in department stores.

I don't know. I'll go on 23rd or 24th,

depending how tired I am.

Why will there not be any seats? More coaches are running now.

Yes, okay. I have to go. Okay, yes.

Fuck! You broke my discman.

Edorta, let's go!

What's your deal? Can't you see I'm ill?

Bugger off!

Juan Carlos.

I need to talk to you.

-What's the matter? -I'm leaving the flat.

-I think it's great. -I don't care what you think.

But you must give me my deposit back.

Deposit?

I'm on my way out, come next week, and I'll give it to you.

Next week is Christmas, and you'll be at your parent's.

Forget about me.

-Juan Carlos! -What's all this noise?

I want my money.

I can't give you your deposit now.

Something unexpected came up, I promise...

If you give it back to her, I also want my money.

-Are you leaving too? -No. Where too?

So, why should I give it to you?

Fools, he spent all of it to go on a trip to the Caribbean to fuck.

-What? -We never paid a deposit.

Nor rent.

It's him the one into peeing, who's scamming you all.

It's my aunt's flat and I rent it out. Anything wrong?

I don't give a shit whose the flat is, I want my deposit back, retarded.

Fuck!

I'm sure it was Edorta.

Holly shit! Nobody cares here.

-What have you done? Terrorists! -What the fuck are you talking about?

What a hullaballoo!

A big one fell into here!

My guitar!

My fucking guitar!

I'm staying here,

they say shells don't fall twice in the same place.

Fucking hell, the camping gas canister.

What kind of nutters do you live with?

You had to screw it up in the end, eh? The building has resounded.

Has someone got a light?

Who gave you permission to come in here, arsehole?

Easy Juan Carlos, we'll fix this.

Careful, my balls are like peaches!

-Big or tasty as peaches? -Less teasing and more punctuality.

It took you two hours!

Sure there's no problem?

Don't worry, I'll convince my girlfriend

to let you stay at home till you find another place.

But one thing, you can't touch the gas so I don't have to hit you too.

What?

This guy really kills me.

Wait, I'll give you a hand.

-You don't need to help me. -Come on.

You'll have a fit, don't be silly.

Done.

We were the only ones who lived in that den.

TRAGEDY AT BOOMSBURY 15,000 INFECTED IN MANGE OUTBREAK

And James is going with Rafa. Fucking great.

Vultures of the same feather flock together.

Juan Carlos, I'm sorry about the public examination.

Well, having opened the books would have helped a bit.

You really messed it up, couple.

You were almost sent to jail without starting from the Go square.

Higinio, can I let my stuff in the stockroom?

-Yes, of course. -We're leaving now.

But take them as soon as you can,

because I spotted some goods, and there are some interesting videos.

Merry Christmas everyone, dummies!

I have no choice but to tell my aunt.

She'll disinherit me after this one.

At least I'll have somewhere to stay for the time being.

I'm sure the loo won't be disgusting there.

Listen, Álvaro.

If you want you can stay a few days, it may work.

Thank you, but if I couldn't live in the same house with you,

let alone with an old woman.

Besides, I want to stop being provided for.

Will you by a computer to become a professional, right?

Careful, you're growing up.

Till I lose my hair like you did, I think there's no risk.

You're such a dickhead.

Come on, let's go.

-See you, Higinio. -See you, couple.

And thank you for the tip, generous.

Fucking Santa Claus.

Fuck, it started snowing.

I'd better go that way.

-Well, you know where I am. -Yes, in Pee of Catland.

-Come on, take care. -The same to you, mate.

Good evening.

We're in the central neighbourhood of Eden,

where an hour ago a dead body was found...

-It's the fat girl. -...highly decomposed.

It seems, Eugenia Pérez Sánchez died 40 days ago

-from an attack. -And that old woman?

-My aunt. -The woman lived alone with eight cats,

and it was the bad odour coming from the decaying body,

- and the excrements accumulated... -Holy shit!

-what alerted the neighbours. -Fucking great!

But poor aunt.

What do you mean poor aunt? Life goes on.

-Can you see it? We have a home. -We have a home?

It's not bad at all.

But this films where nothing happens...

I don't know.

Someone comes in, he says something, then the other... I don't know.

Some nonsense, no?

It's true you have a good laugh, because...

Although, I'm no expert in film making.

Customer service is my thing.

Okay?