Original subtitles

H i , B illy.

It wou ld be great if we could maybe

have an ice-cream as friends .

I N D EEP vOI CE : M iri , you ' re fired .

Oh ! Oh , well , that i s fine .

You i re Ii ke Pau l McKenna maki ng me do that.

You will always be alone !

Oh , fuck off and die !

Anna? Oh .

I i m so sorry.

Apparently iti s where some girl bludgeoned someone to death .

M I RI : Why was she so angry with me , Mandy?

I used to just Iie awake , trying to work out what I ' d done .

Lara could be Ii ke that though .

I fired her and . . . and she went nuts .

She said she was gonna do something . Something bad , she said .

To Iight a fi re after you i ve been fired

that i s just showing off with words and arson .

G REE NWI CH TI M E SI G NAL PLAYS

WOMAN O N RAD l O : There are warnings of gales in Thames, Dover and Wight.

The area forecasts for the next 24 hours.

German Bight, Humber.

West or south west four or five increasing se ven to severe gale nine.

Dover, Wight...

CAROLI N E : Happy birthday.

No , iti s not.

CAROLI N E : Oh , for God ' s sake !

What on Earth is M i ri doing?

OSCAR : Put your glasses on , Caroline .

TH EY SI G H - CARO LI N E : Oh , l can ' t bear it.

I was m idway through an extremely spicy " newdle " soup when boom

I get the call .

M iri Matteson , possible arson .

Oh , and she shouted an old bag to death .

I nearly threw up . Come sign here .

Have you ever th rown up " newdles " before , M iri?

No. - Oh , l did .

One of i em came out at full length . - Fuck noodles , Jan ice .

I don i t care .

And anyway, sorry, iti s not 'i newdle " , it ' s " noodle " .

Yeah , that i s what I said , 'i newdles 'i .

No , 'i noodle 'i .

Ugh , just forget it.

This did not need to happen , l didn ' t do anything .

The good news is you didn ' t do anything . - l know.

The bad news , it ' s gonna take the com munity a bit longer to catch up .

Have you seen this? SH E CH UC KLES

H ilarious .

Oh , my God , none of th is is true .

Well . . . - Oh !

'I Doe-eyed manipulatorii , we i re back to that.

They wou ld never ever describe a man l i ke that, this is bu I Ishit.

Well , you need to go to that meeting and tell them that.

What meeting?

Forget l said it. - Janice .

Theyi re rou ndi ng up the town for a meeting at the school later.

You i re public enemy number one . - Oh , for God ' s sake .

There i s been a Iot of bad ju-ju si nce you come back.

Yeah , but iti s not my ju-ju .

And I can tel l you why iti s not my ju-ju because l don ' t even . . . don ' t even

don i t even have any ju-ju because I don ' t know what ju-ju is

and if someone just, if they just bothered to come u p to me and tal k to me ...

This too shall pass .

Probably. Well , hopefully.

Yeah , alright, alright. - Someti mes it doesn ' t though , does it?

G UARD : M iri Matteson . - JAN I CE : Cos it just gets worse .

Do I just. . . ? - JAN l CE : Which means it did pass

but it didn i t get better

so in that case , you wish that it hadn ' t passed .

Honestly, this is too much . lt ' s horrid .

I thought th i ngs were getti ng better.

Someone i s put a lot of effort into it.

This is exactly what she wears , but i roned .

You can hate us but don i t punish the planet.

It ' s a very nice butter knife .

Rinse you r tins , whoever you are .

Oh , don i t let them win , iti s your bi rthday.

We ' re together as a family, we ' re gon na have a wonderful day.

Aren ' t we , M iri ?

I N CH I LD VO l CE : Yes , M um my.

There . See?

Where is M iri anyway? She should be up by now.

H E SI G HS

You got one friend .

Aw, thanks , Jan ice .

Nah , not me .

I ' m your probation officer. I meant the man who got you out.

What man?

Oh , the foreign fel la, he saw you on the beach .

Your alibi .

Gorgeous .

Here , he wanted me to give you this .

Oh , I i d Iove a big bear l i ke that.

Very n ice .

Yeah , l know this is controversial but I do Iove me a bit of back hair.

M iri?

M iri !

M I RI : Why are we meeting here?

We cou ld ' ve just met in a café .

Can you . . . can you tell me what is going on ?

As a detective , this has been my toughest case , M iri .

OK.

I know why Lara was so angry with you that night.

Well , tell me . - You know already, don ' t you , M iri?

Sorry, what are you talking about?

Lara was angry at you because she figured out your little secret.

You were sleeping with Lara i s father, M r Boback.

What? Oh , no , no.

N o. N o . - Yes , you did .

I think I wou ld remember if I was sleeping with my best friend ' s dad .

Let me finish . - l didn ' t have sex with an old pol iceman .

So , Lara finds out that you ' re scissoring her dad .

Excuse me , sci . . . ? - Scissori ng .

What? Oh , wow.

Here , it i s all in the book.

The book. - Yes .

So, Lara bites you , savage rage

you push her back, she dies .

And then he tel ls you that you have to be qu iet...

M I RI : Oh . - Otherwise you will die .

And you go to jail so no one will ever know

that Chief I nspector Boback likes to swi m in schoolgi rl soup .

I didn i t sleep with him . This didn ' t happen .

None of this is true .

OK.

OK.

I must ' ve taken a wrong turn .

Who are you and who. . . who do you work for?

Self-funded , self-taught.

Oh , God , I actually thought that you were gonna hel p me .

I will .

No, just drop it and go and get a proper job .

Look, it ' s my dad i s birthday, l slept i n a cel I and l ' m gonna go home now.

Oh , happy bi rthday.

No , it ' s my dad i s birthday, it ' s not my birthday.

Oh .

Got that one wrong too , Poirot.

CAROLI N E : Well , thank God you i re home . - So sorry, guys .

This isn ' t your present, it ' s just your veggie box.

Oh , it i s not you r fault.

Your father ' s gonna sue the police .

No, l want to throttle Tina, taking you in like that.

You didn i t do anything .

Somebody phoned them and told them that I did , so--

Who? - I don ' t know.

Oh , what is that?

CARO LI N E : You . - M l Rl : What?

We found it hanging in the front garden , u h , it' s a. . . an effigy.

It doesn ' t Iook anyth i ng li ke me . l n fact, l have a face .

Well , they ' ve brushed you r hair, that ' s someth i ng .

Oh , is it? Why is it sitting at the table?

Did you make it a cu p of tea?

Well , it was cold and we didn ' t want to throw you away.

I deally we ' d shred you and use you for roof insulation .

CAROLl N E : Oscar!

Oh , God !

No , no , no, no , no . - What, what?

What i s wrong? - It can ' t be poo .

Potatoes , it ' s all potatoes .

Haven i t we suffered enough ?

It i s not personal , it' s just whatever ' s i n season .

Oh , yeah . Well , u h , sorry, maybe l overreacted .

Do you remember when Marion got nothing but tu rn i ps?

Well , now thati s personal . - P H ON E RI N GS

Sorry, Dad , l i ve ruined you r birthday and l haven ' t even got you a present.

You are my present, M iri .

Oh .

I i ve got you th is year. We ' ll have a lovely day.

Can i t get any worse .

SH E WH ISPERS: M iri .

Cake i s ready. I need two pai rs of hands . We ' ll pop into town .

I can hear you , darl ing .

Oh , do you know what? l thin k I m ight stay here , l just...

avoid the witch h unt.

You have done noth i ng wrong .

Wel I .

Recently.

Hold your nerve .

OK.

I ' II pick up the cake if you get these .

Oh , my God .

Yeah , iti s not. . . great.

I gnore them , can i t even spell .

H E SCOFFS Yeah .

Yeah , but I didn i t actual ly, with you . - I know, l know.

So, yi know , it i s . . . it i s wrong , you know, me shagging you .

Al right.

No , no , come on , not cos you ' re ...

Not cos you i re terrible , it ' s just that...

I did Iove her, you know. l was . . . I was younger, but, uh ...

I i m not some kind of playboy. l ' m not Iike that.

Course .

They, u h ...

they said they don i t want me at the funeral , the family.

Oh , B illy. Oh , my God .

I Ii ked you but l would i ve never have been unfaithful .

Look, let me sort this out.

I will go , I will go and tal k to each and every one of them

and I will force them to understand .

I mean , obviously, i n a. . . in a very non-threatening way.

Yeah .

I don i t thin k there ' s gon na be ice-cream again .

Cool , OK.

It i s fine .

I can go on my own , if you Iike . - No , no, it ' s cool .

Oh .

No , I i m having a bad enough day already. - M iri ...

Shit, I i m sorry, Iike , l i m so fucki ng sorry.

I was ki nd of expecting it, to be honest, anyway.

Really?

Wow , cos , Iike , I . . . I - I wasn ' t.

Kinda came as a bit of a surprise .

Look, I have handled worse so , uh , can we just, just not tal k about it

just never tal k about it again , alright? - OK, wow .

You are so amazing

and you Iook great for your age .

Oh , yeah , well , prison i s really good for your skin , it' s anti-aging .

You Iook fit though so, Ii ke , I still would .

What are you doi ng?

What? I ' m just saying what l feel about your...

about your face and your tits .

Oh , my God , is this the only way that you can tal k to me?

Have you not evolved at all ? - H uh?

Do you know what? It i s never gonna happen .

I am never going to have sex with you .

Firstly, you i re not my type at al l anymore .

And secondly, you are a married man with twins .

My basket used to be so much sexier than this .

SH E LAU G HS

What, just rammed full of lube , ol ives and body oil?

Li ke hand cream and candles .

Christ. - Fucking twi ns .

You know what? You . . . you do look really, really awful .

Yeah , well , you . . . you look li ke shit yourself.

SH E GASPS That ' s better.

Well done .

I do Iook Ii ke shit.

I tried to fi nd you yesterday.

I was with Mandy.

Oh , poor you , she i s an asshole .

No , she speaks highly of you , she says that you ' d jizz on anyth i ng , so--

Apart from her. Did she say that about me? - Yep .

Well , she ' d shag anything . - Apart from you .

I thought you were gonna kill me .

Your dad gave me this black eye , l thought you ' d at least do the other one .

Why did my dad give you a black eye?

WO MAN ON RAD l O : North west seven to severe gale nine.

Occasi0nally storm ten at first.

Rough 0r very rough. Thundery rain p0or.

M I RI ON PHON E (VO) : Oh, I need to talk to Mandy.

MAN ON PHON E (VO) : She !s at that meeting about the killer girl.

She sh0uld be l0cked up if y0u ask me.

M l Rl ON PHON E (VO) : Agh! l was for l8 years, you idiot.

PH 0 N E B EE PS

Thought 70 deserves a suit.

Still fits , in most areas .

Where ' s M iri?

Oh , Oscar, you have to come with me .

Where could she be?

OSCAR : It' s a small town , we ' I I fi nd her.

CROWD CLAMOU RS - MAN DY: One at a time , people .

WOMAN : A dead old lady on a Iawn , arson , bricks through windows .

This town isn ' t safe now she ' s back. - OK, Lisa.

She should be Iocked up . She i s u nstable .

M I RI : No , l ' m not!

C ROWD M U RM U RS - This has gone way too far.

Right. H i . H el Io.

I i m pretty angry right now so I may not come across very well , wh ich is ...

WOMAN : Nasty psycho! - . . . really, really, really annoying

cos I i m actually very, very, very, very

nice and stable , aren ' t l ? - Can be .

Yes . - MAN : Ha! Yeah , right.

SH E SI G HS OK.

That woman , An na...

she had a heart attack, boom , dead .

Not me . - MAN : What about the brick?

And somebody threw that brick at me . Look, look, can you see?

WOMAN : You threw that brick. - I can ' t see anyth i ng .

Ugh ! - MAN : That ' s just a normal head .

PIease , l am not a bad person .

I am a good person . - MAN : You killed someone !

I mean , I . . . m . . . I am a good person who did a really terrible , terri ble thing

but, but we all do terrible things . - CROWD M U RM U RS

Come on , we all do.

I set fire to my truck.

CROWD GASPS - It was me .

See ! Sor. . . what?

I know, I just did it.

Ugh . - For the insurance .

M I RI : You framed me? - NATHAN : Yeah .

Sorry, I , u m ...

We are here to discuss the release of a violent psychopath i nto ou r town .

And the parking on D ixon Street.

No , there ' s a separate committee for that.

She is evil and this is a community full of decent, God-feari ng people .

Oh , shut up , Lisa, you spent the summer screwing your choir master.

C ROWD GASPS - Ooh ! D idn ' t see you there , Martin .

N ow you know . - Oh , so you can talk?

Everyone knows what you ' ve been up to. - U h , keep it civi I .

She i s right.

And I i m here to make amends .

I i m sorry l h u rt you . I hurt my own daughter.

Yes , you did .

And I had chlamydia.

C ROWD M U RM U RS - Because l gave it to him .

CROWD GASPS - Because l- l gave it to her

and maybe one or two other people in . . . - C ROWD G ROANS

in this room , you should probably get yourself checked .

Sorry, B renda. - Can we just stay on topic , please?

Why don ' t you just move? - C ROWD : Yeah !

Why don i t you move? - I ' ve just re-mortgaged .

Nobody has to move .

Because you wanna kill us all .

I i II kill you all before she does .

Don i t, don i t, he doesn i t mean that. - CROWD M U RM U RS

He might. - Graffitiing our house , effigies

shitting in boxes ! You . . . - That was someone else , Dad .

Well , I i II kill them too .

No , they' re already dead , so you don ' t have . . . doesn ' t matter.

Has anyone got a phone charger? - MAN : Shut up , fire boy.

MAN 2 : I ' ve got a Samsung charger - MAN DY: Shut u p !

CROWD CLAMOU RS - Sh ut up , all of you .

You are all awful people . AII of you .

M iri Matteson is my friend and she did not kill that Iady.

She is not dangerous .

She didn ' t steal your hangi ng baskets and she hasn ' t joined lSIS.

Sue? - M l Rl : N o, Sue , come on .

And can l just add to that that I did not have sex with M r Boback

which l was accused of today. l ...

U m , l thin k it was Mandy that was shagging h im .

What? - DOM : Well , that was the rumou r anyway.

M I RI : What ' s . . . - CROWD WH lSPERS

But did . . . did you s ...

CROWD WH ISPERS

Mand ...

DOM : U m , so ...

Ahem . Back to the , um . . . chlamydia situation .

Yeah , it. . . the thing is , it can Iie dormant.

Mandy?

MAN DY SOBS

Is it true? Were you . . . sleeping with M r Boback?

Answer me .

MAN DY SN I FFLES - Please .

Look, u m ...

I ' m not angry with you , I just. . . I just wanna know if you ' re OK.

OK, if you don ' t wanna speak then , um , Iet ' s do that thing

that we used to do at school , do you remember?

I s my name M iri?

Yes .

That ' s great.

Good , uh , is my fringe terrible?

MAN DY SN I FFLES

Oh . Yeah .

Yes , it is , than k you so much .

OK, um ...

Is what Dom said true? Were you really sleeping with M r Boback?

Ch rist, Mandy!

Why didn i t you tell me?

D id Lara know. . . did she know the night she died?

So, is that why she was so angry with me? Did she thin k that I knew about it?

She didn ' t th ink it was me , did she?

Did she thin k that I slept with her dad?

MAN DY SOBS : I didn ' t want her to hate me .

MAN DY CRI ES

Did you l ie?

And did you tell her it was me?

Mandy!

D id you Iie and tel l her l was sleeping with her dad?

Oh , my...

None of this had to happen .

Get out of there now.

Get out of there now!

Get out of there ! I ' m gonna fucking kill you !

M l RI YELLS - MAN DY SOBS

Fuck you , you fucking . . . ! Fuck you !

D IAL0G U E FAD ES

I i m sorry.

WOMAN O N RAD IO : North westerly six, decreasing westerly three or four

showers becoming fair, moderate, becoming good.

M USIC : 'iSings The Moon ii by Joh n Mark Nelson

# Patiently wait for the day wi l l be soon #

# Si ngs the moon #

# AII will be glad at the sound of my. . . #

Noodle .

'I N ewdle " .

'I N oodle " ?

# The moon #

# Sings the moon . #

FOOTSTEPS AP PROACH

B l LLY: U h ...

I uh , I saw you here and l got these .

Than k you .

U m . . . what, what changed your mind?

Oh , wel l , l went for a big walk

and I real ised how. . . how small we all are

and I thought, everything i s got a bit shit

so I got us two ice-creams .

Do you wanna come sit down?

Oh , than ks .

There you are . - Than k you .

You ' re welcome .

So , M i ri ...

You Iook sad . - Yeah , l am a bit.

None of it needed to happen .

OK.

My best friend died ...

M m-hm . - Hating me for something that...

I didn i t do , and I can ' t tell her that it ' s not true .

She knows now.

What?

Well , I th ink, when you ...

when you die , you become everything , like the ...

the sea and the air, so...

So you know everything .

That would be n ice . That wou ld be really nice .

Well , that i s why dead people ...

aren i t al lowed to sort of do pub quizzes , cos they...

That ' s terrible . - Argh .

I just wanna start my Iife . l feel Ii ke l ' m not al lowed .

That ' s rubbish , th is is it.

What? - Your life .

It ' s happening . Now.

N ow!

N ow. - OK.

Yeah .

J ust...

Phew!

Look at that.

You know? - Yeah , al right.

Al right.

Give us your hand .

Theyi re quite big , aren ' t they?

Maybe you i ve got really small hands . - N o, no , l just...

I- I went for it and it felt Ii ke a...

fl i pper.

When did you hold a flipper Iast? - Last week.

B ut l can see what it is now, Proportionately, it ' s the fingers , isn ' t it?

Theyi re a Iot longer than . . . - They' re long .

Yeah . Good for...

Good for getting stuff out of bottles . - l ' ve honestly never tried that.

Something to Iook forward to .

TH EY CH UCKLE

M USI C : i' Cherry-Coloured Fun ki' by Arctic Lake

# Beetles and eggs and blues and pour a little everyth i ng else #

# You steam a Iens stable eyes and glass #

# Not get pissed off through my bi rd lips as good news #

# You i l l hang the hearts black and dull as the night #

# We hanged your pass and start being as you in ecstasy #

# Still being cried and Iaughed at before #

# Shou ld I be sewn in h ugged l can by not sayi ng #

# Still bei ng cried and Iaughed at. . . #