Original subtitles

I Saw you on the swi ng . - Were you watch i ng me?

Not i n a creepy way.

It i s my first day at work and l ' m already nervous .

Welcome back, M iri Matteson .

I don ' t remem ber you .

Because we only just met.

Oh , my God , can you just get it into your big , stupid married head

that this is not gonna happen? Goodbye .

U p a bit h igher.

Li ke th is? - Yeah .

I can i t bel ieve I didn i t realise .

What? - Wel I , the caterpi llar.

Oh , God .

You need me . - No , l don ' t.

Yeah , you i re lonely. - No , l ' m not.

Apparently iti s where some girl bludgeoned someone to death .

Iti s not the version I heard .

Apart from that, you ' re just I i ke a normal person , really.

I am a normal person .

TH EY SCREAM - Shit the bed !

SH E SI G HS

MAN DY ON TAPE : Right, OK, l 'll start.

M l RI ON TAPE : Oh, Mandyls gonna start!

MAN DY: Miri, you Ire not taking it seriously. - M l Rl : l am taking it serious!

But you Ire taking it too seriously, l 'm just gonna start.

SH E SI N GS : # Last night l was dreaming #

# l was l0cked in a pris0n cell #

TH EY LAU G H - BOTH Sl N G : # When l woke up #

# l was screaming, calling 0ut your name. #

WOMAN : Let me guess , you spoke to Kathy.

She said we could wait and Elsie would be squeezed in .

Well , Kathy mainlines CB D oi l , so ...

if you wanna wait, it ' s your Iife .

Next!

H i , my name i s M iri Matteson , I haven ' t been here for ages

but I need to re-register.

Your Iast visit was Septem ber 2OOO .

Yeah . - That ' s a long time ago.

I ' m , u h . . . I i m very healthy.

Well , I need an u pdated I D and proof of address .

U h , I don ' t, I don i t have anything at the moment.

Ban k statement, home insu rance?

I ' m- I ' m not on any of the bills .

So you don i t pay bills?

Oh , no , it ' s my parents ' house .

Wish my parents paid for me .

It i s not li ke that. - M obile bill?

Oh , I don ' t have a mobile .

How can you not have a mobile?

Look, I just need a doctor to look at my head .

Well , l just need a proof of residence .

I live there .

Yes , I know, with M ummy and Daddy who pay the bills

but I i m gon na need a piece of paper that tells me that.

OK, so what if l i ve been away for a long time?

Where have you been? - Somewhere .

Where? - Does it matter?

Look, I have an infected cut on my head and l need to see a doctor.

Go to A&E .

No hospitals , I want to come here .

Well , then you i re gonna have to start being a big grown-up gi rI

that pays some bills now, aren i t you?

Next!

I i m sorry.

AIso , not sorry.

Oh , my God .

SH E GASPS

I got the ones round the back. I could re-use the BIu-tac .

Oh , God , l i m so sorry, this and the smashed wi ndow.

It ' s fine , I i m just waiting for some new glass , so...

I can i t open .

The brick was meant for me , it wasn ' t meant to ruin your new business .

M m , I don i t know. I i m sort of a m u rderer too .

I i m the pie shop destroyer, so, we ' re both outsiders

and it could i ve been meant for both of us . - Yeah , l really dou bt that.

Look, just go and have a n ice day off.

When was the Iast time you did someth i ng nice , un-prison-y?

Go to the zoo or something .

I don ' t wanna go to the zoo, l wanna work and l wanna help .

Yeah , and you will , as soon as I ' ve got a new wi ndow

and some customers again .

Iti s all good . Keep your ch i n up .

We can ' t Iet the bastards wi n , can we?

No . - N o!

No! - That ' s the spirit. H igh five .

Oh . - Oh , sorry.

Try agai n . - Yeah .

Con . . . you i ve gotta concentrate .

I tel l you what, l ittle tip , Iook at the el bow.

OK. - AIways works .

This could i ve cost me my job , Janice , and my job is all l have right now.

B ullsh it. You i re one of the Iucky ones .

One of the most privileged girls I ' ve dealt with .

I ' m getting shit sent to me , aanice .

Actual shit. . . in a box.

Graffiti on the house and now somebodyi s putti ng these things all arou nd town .

I know this is frustrating , but take a step back

a bit of pran k poopy.

Real poopy. - Ooh !

Someone ' s got a new photocopier!

It i s not Ii ke the victim i s father i s turned up at your work and stabbed you

in front of nine people with a sword

which hasn i t ever happened actually. - Oh , my God ...

Your I ife post-prison is going real ly well , you need to realise that and be grateful .

I deal with broken women al l day long , and you , you ' ve got it all .

You just need to Iower your expectations and get over yourself a bit

in a nice way.

Oh ...

you Iook li ke a rabbit. - AI right, than ks .

Lara Boback.

Here i s a ti p , if you i re gonna ki l l someone , don ' t kill a copper ' s daughter.

Janice ! - l ' m just saying .

Oh , God .

I keep , u m ...

I keep Iistening to this , uh , this tape that we made

the . . . the day before it happened .

Oh , my God .

What?

You can i t change what is done , it ' s done .

You can on ly change what you haven ' t done

yet. . . l i ke , right now.

What? - Eh ?

What? - Look, l ' m ti red .

You know what, take that tape , dash it in the bin . Boom .

And then go and do someth i ng nice for yourself.

Go to the zoo or something .

I don ' t wanna go to the zoo, why is everyone trying to make me

go to the zoo? - Fine .

Try pilates .

No , actually, don ' t.

I did that one time for a whole year, nothing changed , and then I fou nd out

I hadn i t been doing that th i ng where you try and squeeze you r bum hole shut

and then you suck your pum-pum u p into it.

SH E SI G HS Right.

And if anyone asks ...

we meet i n my office , yeah?

Yeah , but, I i ke , we cou Id meet in your office?

No , I Ii ke coming to your house .

Your biscuit game is strong .

SH E CH UC KLES

Got any Jaffas?

Oh , Jesus ! I thought you were you r father.

I s he very frighten i ng?

I didn ' t rinse the plates . - Ooh .

Yeah , and you i ve got to rinse them

really rinse them , saves energy.

B ut su rely if you really, really rinse them , then you may as well have washed them

so isn i t it, Ii ke , more wastefu l in the end?

Oh , God , don i t tell him , he i l l implode .

M um , do you wanna do something today, I i ke , you and me?

What?

I don i t know, Ii ke , someth i ng , anything , together.

Why don ' t you see Mandy? She ' d love to see you .

I don i t want to see Mandy.

Well , your father ' II be home soon . - No, I ...

I just, um . . . l wanna spend some time together.

I ' ve got too much to do , and Jan ice ate all the biscu its , so ...

B illy! - Oh , God .

Get your coat, you ' re taking me on an adventure .

What, now? - AN NA: Cunt.

Yeah . . . - Cunt, cunt, cunt.

That i s really distracting . U m , yes , right now.

Piggy cu nt. Who ' s a Iittle piggy cunt?

It i s actually very sweet cos she thin ks that you ' re her aunt.

Yeah , she i s not, she i s not sayi ng aunt, but anyway, it ' s ...

Wel l , l i l l get my keys .

See you out the front. - AN NA: Cunty, cunty...

I n a min ute . - OK .

Cool .

Over the fence with the cunt.

Ah ! N ext door cunt.

Er. . . how old?

Oh , she i s five . Constantly sick, it' s a n ightmare .

I remember.

M m , try not to breathe her in .

It goes so fast.

Everybody says that. - Oh , because it ' s true , l ' m afraid .

Do you have grand kids?

Yes . . . yes , I do .

How many?

Er, my daughter has a boy and two girls .

B Iissful chaos .

It must be Iovely being a grandparent. You get al I the fun and half the work.

Iti s wonderful .

DOCTOR : Oscar Matteson .

Oh , u h ...

Can i t believe I haven i t been here before , th is is the best fun ever!

I Iove boats .

Wow!

I used to wanna be a sailor but l get so sick

both ends , it is a n ightmare .

N ice . - I was gutted .

I -I tried so many times .

No, it i s just life , isn ' t it? - Yeah .

Yep .

What did you wanna be when you were a kid? - U h ...

a vet, Jamie OIiver ' s wife , uh ...

the Appleton sisters , desperately, but that didn ' t work out.

Oh , yes , I can see it! - Oh , thank you .

TH EY LAU G H - You ' re welcome .

Ah , I wanted to be a sailor, now I ' m a gardener.

I thought you were a carer.

What? - For that really angry woman .

Anna? Yeah , no , no.

I ' m a carer too , uh , most of the time

yeah , but I ' m a gardener as well , so it ' s , er...

It i s both , varied .

Do you , er...

did you have a. . . uh , a person , Ii ke a...

a man friend? Or a woman .

Someone that you ' re , um . . . ?

No , I mean , I did once , but he ' s married now. H e ' s got. . . got kids and stuff, so .

Oh .

Do you , uh . . . do you still thin k about him?

U h , l mean , no

but. . . but yes , d ' you know what l mean?

Yeah , yeah , yeah , l do.

How about you ?

Oh , I ...

Well , l loved somebody once , but they. . . they changed .

So the Iove changed too , which . . . well , it happens , l guess , doesn ' t it?

Yeah , no, l get that.

B ELL Rl N GS - Hey, here ' s you r chance .

Yeah . Boats !

Than k you . Cheers .

Right.

Let i s raise our hands , let' s do this as it starts .

Yeah ! Oh .

Yay! - It ' s not doi ng ...

Recon Day Two , suspect boarding sailboat.

She i s making a new friend . I hope it goes better than Iast time .

Way hey!

She seems to enjoy herself.

Side-to-side , everyone . Yes !

M I RI LAU G HS

Ch la-what? - Chlamydia.

Could be worse .

Like a u rine infection?

N ot qu ite .

Oh , but it hurts when l pee .

Yes , but it i s an STD .

What, I ike syphilis?

It i s just chlamydia.

Symptoms can take a while to present. Some people self-clear, others don ' t.

B ut you ' II need to contact your sexual partners and i nform them .

Partners?

I i m assuming you are with someone , or more than one .

Good God , just one .

And we haven ' t, u m ...

for a while , we ...

Sure .

WOMAN : She probably planned it for months .

Now she ' s just working in the fish and ch i p shop .

Did you hear? She threw a brick at a group of people yesterday.

Yeah , proper psycho.

And to th i n k, she ' s just wal ki ng around ...

not even tagged , free as a bird .

Terrifying . - P H O N E CH I M ES

So now I i ve got this and my verrucas to worry about.

God , they must get loads of verrucas in prison .

She i s probably riddled with them .

SH E SI G HS l used to come here when I was a kid .

I thought you weren i t from round here .

Oh , no , l mean , Iike , places l i ke this , l i ke fairs and stuff.

Oh .

Bet you were a nice kid .

Than k you . - Yeah .

You too. - Ah .

H E C LEARS TH ROAT

Hey, shall we go on this?

Oh , no .

U h , uh , sorry, I i m terrified of gi raffes , so...

But they ' re not. . . theyi re not real giraffes . - They ' re very, very real istic .

Theyi re not, their. . . their necks are really short.

OK, yeah , but it ' s a...

it ' s so fast as wel I , isn i t it?

It i s just kind of woosh . . . - lt ' s not, it' s ridiculously slow.

Have a bash , I i II be there .

You i l l be there . - Yeah .

Agh ...

U rgh .

Agh ...

M I RI LAU G HS

CARN IVAL M USI C PLAYS

M USI C FAD ES

B ELL RI N GS

SH E SI G HS

PHON E D IALS

Sorry, fucking nightmare .

Twins have been trying to put a hat on the dog.

Iti s Iike a fucking warzone in there .

Are you free? - CARO LI N E : No, Dom, listen.

Iti s over. It i s not happen i ng again .

What?

Oh , yeah , sure , OK, no probs .

I don i t want to be this person anymore .

CAROLI N E : l tm her mother. - Yeah , fair enough .

But you i II just change your mind Ii ke you did the Iast time

and the last, Iast ti me . - CARO LI N E : No, l will not.

Goodbye , Dom .

Oh , come on , Ieti s just have a little . . . li ke , a little goodbye fiddle .

Yeah? - No.

M I RI (VO) : Oh, my God, these are amazing.

Cou ld I get. . . ?

I i m so sorry. - No , no , it' s alright, just--

I ' m completely hogging them . - . . . I haven ' t had any.

Oh , sorry. - N o, it ' s ...

SH E CH UCKLES - I ' ve never met anyone li ke you before .

Oh . Never met anyone li ke you before , B illy, you ' re a. . . you ' re a one-off.

Wel I .

I don i t wanna break this moment, but...

I really need to pee .

Oh , God-- - So , l ' m gon ...

J ust go , do it, do it. - Yeah , right, yeah , l ' m gonna go.

No . - M ight just grab some of these ...

Oh , that i s very hygienic . - Alright. Yeah .

Hello agai n .

We met on the beach the other day.

Oh . Oh , yeah . yes .

Sorry, hi-- - Samuel .

M iri . H i , hiya.

U m . . . Wednesday afternoon , am usement park.

Sorry. Who are you?

I ' m an i nvestigator and I Iook for the truth

and I am here to help you to tel l your truth .

B ut first we need to solve your l ittle problem .

U h , I i m . . . l am with a friend right now, I am not gonna do th is .

I i m not doing this . - Why was Lara so angry with you

the n ight she died? - What?

Yes , she was angry at you . So , so full of rage , why?

I i m sorry, can you . . . l don ' t wanna tal k to you , can you just...

can you go? Can you just Ieave me alone please , can you leave--

You have a bite mark-- - No !

No. - lt ' s on your shoulder, isn ' t it?

Oi , oi , oi !

Get out of it, you Iittle shit. Go on !

If you want to see tits , piss off to Margate .

I i ll be in touch .

Ha!

Than k you . - Yeah , well .

Than ks . - Let ' s just, u h ...

Let ' s get out of here , l ' ve got to pick up some meds for Anna.

Let i s go via the supermarket, yeah ? Good , come on .

OK.

I ' II just be two minutes , alright?

Oh , O K. - OK, st. . . OK.

No, I ' m fine . Yeah , yeah , sure .

Oh .

M i ri , hi .

Oh , my God , are you so desperate and lonely that you ' ve got to stal k me

in the supermarket now? - I ' m buyi ng dinner for my family.

Wow, that i s , uh . . . very nutritious .

Yeah , well , don i t feel sorry for me , cos you ' re the one that ' s al I alone

with , um , a really sh it hai rcut.

Actual ly, l i m on a date , with a shit haircut, so ...

Who with?

With my. . . with my neighbou r B i l ly, yeah . I n fact, we just stopped here to buy us ...

some condoms .

Some condoms for all of the sexual ...

intercou rse that we will be having .

Is he some kind of a true crime perv?

SH E LAU G HS Sure .

Oh , M i ri ...

he doesn ' t know who you are , does he?

Do. . . l . . . Do-do you know what? a ust, goodbye , Mandy.

Wait, wait...

wait!

I was at a wedding Iast year

and th is posh woman farted really Ioudly

and I got the most uncontrol lable giggles

and , and I Iooked at Mark, and ...

there was nothing , not even a twin kle , and I started to cry because I knew

I knew if you i d have been there , then we wou Id have pissed ou rselves

and I missed you .

So , yes , yeah , you are right, l am ...

I i m desperate and I am Ionely.

Me too. Me too.

And l didn ' t visit you in prison because I felt terrible .

If I i d have got to the cliff ten m inutes earl ier

then maybe none of this would have happened .

Tell the truth .

You don ' t want to be with someone who doesn ' t know who you are .

Thin k about it.

H m ?

It i s , uh , it i s two for one for pocket calculator-

Oh .

Oh ! Oh , no, gosh .

Oh . - No , no , this isn ' t what you ...

U h , um . . . - l just...

I don ' t mind , it i s just-- - No , no, it ' s ...

SH E LAU G HS - It ' s just. . . l don ' t...

I can ' t do it that much-- - No , my parents--

Oh . Right. - My parents ...

they asked me to get them some ...

Oh . - . . . condoms .

Your parents? - They have , they--

B ut theyi re so . . . old , but that ' s a Iot for them?

N o , well , they do it, they just li ke to do it, yeah .

Wow, I never, I never hear them .

Theyi re really qu iet. - l mean , the amount of sex. Oh .

And they ' re fast, and , uh , it ' s al I over very qu ickly

but it ' s , it i s regular and then , d ' you know what?

They can have a night off, because they ' re old and they need a break.

Oh , I ...

Oh , God . Here we are .

I didn i t need a piss at the , uh , at the fun fair.

Aah ! I thought that was suspiciously quick.

Than k you .

You ' re welcome .

U h , right, well , I should , uh . . . l should head home

cos Anna needs her meds , and . . . - Yeah .

Yeah . - Course .

I ' ve had the best day.

Li ke a hol iday from stuff, so thanks .

Oh .

U h ...

Well , we ' re back home now , but, uh . . . - Yeah .

H E SI G HS

OK. - Yeah .

Right. - Goodbye .

Yeah . - Bye .

Oh ! - See ya, um ...

Let ' s just. . . - Sorry, oh .

Oh . l did . . . - Er. N o .

A ust. . . - l ' ll go ...

TH EY LAU G H AWKWARD LY

Oh ! - Oh .

Lovely, lovely. . . Iovely day! - Right.

Yeah . - Yeah .

SH E LAU G HS - Really nice .

Bye-bye . - OK.

OSCAR : Jesus Ch rist...

DOOR OPE NS

She told me she ' d never do it again .

What? - And l believed her.

I just believed her. - Oh , is this about the dishwasher again?

What i s wrong with the dishwasher?

U m , no , nothing , nothing

cos everyone always , um , really, real Iy rinses everything

so it ' s fine .

It always comes out in the end .

What does?

The truth .

Tsk...

Dam n , and blast it...

H E SI G HS U rgh !

What ' s your name?

B illy. - Do you do mojitos , B illy?

Yeah . . . there you go .

M mm . . . God , that i s good .

Oh , how much do I owe you?

No, no , no , iti s on the house , and I got these off a guy.

Oh . . . what are they?

Theyi re the good stuff.

M m .

Will I be myself again , B illy?

Yeah .

DOORB ELL RI N GS

Iti s my husband !

H ide , h ide , he has a fucking bl u nderbuss !

Oh , gosh , well , have to . . . - SH E LAU G HS

have to fight him off.

Oh ! - H i .

H i . - B illy, I need to tell you something .

Yeah . - We can ' t...

We can i t be friends unless you know the truth about me .

M e too , I- I need to , u h . . . l need to tell you someth i ng too .

Oh , O K. - Yeah .

Maybe it i s , uh . . . maybe it i s the same thing . - Well , l doubt that.

Well , Iet ' s just say it Ii ke a scissors , paper, stone .

Oh , no , Christ, really?

Wel l , leti s just say it on the count of th ree .

No, no , but mine is really big , it ' s Ii ke , really, really--

I i II say mine and then . . . and then you say yours .

B ut l - l i m telling you right now that mine is so much bigger than yours

unless , well , unless you ...

We i l l just do it after three . One , two , th ree ...

I ' m not Anna i s carer. - I killed that girl at the sound mirror.

It was me . - I ' m married to her.

Oh , my. . . what, you i re . . . ?

You ' re married to . . . to her?

Gosh .

Oh . - B ut you . . . we had a...

Little , awkward hug and you bought me this . . . - Hel ...

God , I . . . oh .

I ' m . . . I i m a. . . I ' m quick shocked actually.

H elp .

What?

You i re ...

you ' re a pyscho killer.

B illy. - Oh , God , somebody help me .

Look, l i m not gonna hurt you .

Oh , l i m not gonna hurt you . - Oh , aesus , oh , God .

Can you just calm down ? Look, it ' s not li ke they said at all .

Oh , what, you di . . . you didn i t kill her?

No , uh , no, I . . . I did ...

kill her. . . - Stay away from me !

B illy! - Go on , fuck off!

H E WH l M PE RS - Bi I Iy, this is excessive .

God , you killed someone !

You i re married !

Ah , fuck, oh ...

A-bub-bub-ba! Oh , I ' m having a panic attack.

OK, just breathe .

Count to ten in your head , count to ten in your head .

Ah , one ...

one , two. . . one , two , three ...

H E G ROANS

Oh , God , I i m gonna...

H E G ROANS

I i m sorry.

But you would have found out and then I wouldn ' t have been able

to tel l you the truth myself and that wou ld ' ve been so m uch worse .

It ' s just. . . it i s not what you think...

She was ...

I , she was crazy angry with me , and she bit me and l didn ' t...

I didn i t know why. . . and , um ...

so I just, l i ke ...

I just pushed her. . . back...

and it was an accident.

But the person who you were with today

that. . . that was me , that is who I am .

That is me .

Than k you .

Thank you for telling me , that was . . . that was really brave .

Can I hel-- - No , no .

KNOCK ON WI N DOW - PIease , it ' s just. . . oh , for fu--

Leave my husband alone , you m u rderous whore ! - Oh , great.

You i re a m u rderess , you i II stop at nothing .

They should never have Iet you out! - You better go .

OK.

Don i t tell me you thought he wasn ' t married , l heard you .

H ello .

Oh , blast, I forgot the butter.

What did the doctor say? - An infection .

Oh , did they give you anti biotics?

H E SI G HS

What i s wrong , darl i ng?

A shipping container full of rubber ducks has su n k off the coast of the I sle of Wight.

Oh , dear.

More plastic in the ocean , contaminating everything

fucking everything up , and for what?

What good did a rubber duck ever do?

M iri used to Iove them i n the bath .

Iti s all for nothing , l . . . I hate the waste .

Are you OK?

Fine . I ' II go and get the butter.

MAN DY ON TAPE : Right, OK, l 'll start.

M l RI ON TAPE : Oh, Mandyls gonna start!

MAN DY: Miri, you Ire not taking it seriously. - M l Rl : l am taking it serious!

But you Ire taking it too seriously, l 'm just gonna start.

M I RI ON TAPE : Right, OK, OK, now just Lara.

LARA ON TAPE : OK, fine.

SH E Sl N GS: # Someday, l believe it, you will come to my rescue #

ALL SI N G : # Unchain my heart you Ire keeping, and let me start ane w #

# O0h, the hours pass s0 slowly #

# Since theylve thrown a way the key, a way the key #

# Can tt y0u see that llm Ionely #

# Won It you help me please ? #

TH EY G l GG LE - MAN ON TAPE : Lara!

LARA: Oh, guys, shh, my dadls back. Hide the cigarettes.

Hi, Dad!

M I RI AN D MAN DY: Hi, Mr Boback!

Remember me? I was in prison .

It i s a Ietter from my probation officer, with my address .

I want an appointment now.

We i ve actually got an appointment avai lable in about an hou r.

Great, I ' II wait.

She was here yesterday, so sort her out too.

I i II-I i l l make sure she i s seen . - Yeah , you wi I I .