Original subtitles

Morning, how are you?

I can sort of see you. Perfect. Yeah.

It's slightly like Big Brother is watching you.

Shame on you! Shame on you!

You're a wanker!

I hope I don't get a Cease and Desist letter from Johnnie Boden.

"Could you please not wear my clothes,

you awful Tory, right wing, fox-hunting Brexiteer."

They sound the horn and off they all go. Magnificent.

I'm well aware that there are risks in reality TV.

Worse result at a General Election than John Major's defeat in 1997.

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success.

Let's go to Disneyland Paris in France!

A top priority is to go to the battlefields.

Jacob Rees-Mogg!

Could awlays go for Strictly or I'm A Celeb.

Hur-hur-hur. I feel in a terrible state of undress.

How do you feel about following in this long line of family documentaries?

I think this will be a rather different kettle of fish from The Kardashians.

Why?I've no idea, 'cause I've never watched the programmes about them so I don't really have a clue.

Please be gone. Vote Conservative!

It's a bit gloomy today and...

...not feeling overly positive. It's a bit... a bit quieter and...

He put in so much effort and it's just a shame that he's lost his seat.

Where's Jacob this morning? Jacob's still in bed.

I haven't seen him yet. I've no idea what time he'll get up.

I expect about 10:00 he might phone down for his coffee

and then we'll know what sort of mood he's in.

Very few parties go from having a majority of 80 to losing to a majority of 170.

You know when your dad found out, do you think he was sad?

I would be very sad.

And I presume he may have been just a little bit sad.

Well, it was just Reform that took all the votes.

Yes, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nigel. Nige.

No, Nige did what Sunak did to Boris - stabbed him in the back.

That's life. Up and down like a Weston donkey.

Where do they go now? I'll just put them in a flower arrangement for now.

Will you keep them or just chuck 'em?I don't know.

I haven't asked him yet.

I don't think he'll keep them, do you?

You can have those as a souvenir. Get him to sign it.

Yeah.

What happened yesterday in the election?

Er, Daddy lost his seat. He used to be a Conservative,

but he's not anymore. He's still a Conservative.

But he doesn't work for the Conservatives anymore.

I was very touched. I had a call from Rishi Sunak,

which I thought was really nice of him,

as I haven't been his staunchest supporter by any means.

Um, but he took the trouble to ring. Um, you know,

I thought that was very good-mannered of him.

How do you think he's really taking this?

I mean Jacob is as phlegmatic as ever. Um,

if he's sad, I mean...

I mean he must be, but, you know, he hasn't shown it.

He just gets on with it.

One election

is neither the beginning nor the end of the world.

Off course I'm not going to cry over this particular bit of spilt milk.

Life goes on.

People need to get on with things.

I'm no longer an MP, and that's life.

Are your colleagues WhatsApping about Starmer? No, no, no, no.

I'm just replying to nice messages I've had from people.

Not plotting the next move? Lord, no!

That comes next week.

That's it. I've been made redundant.

Rishi on an ostrich. It's kind of funny.

"Me on Friday morning

after being up all night watching the Tories get demolished."

The Tories are being, like, flame-grilled

out here on TikTok.

"There are no longer any Tory MPs in Wales. They had 11 in 2019.

Now a total Conservative wipeout."

That is actually quite sad.

Eleven? Not very popular.

This is a bloody Labour landslide!

It's gonna be a really terrible day for those who've got, like, a thing for posh, old Etonians.

Just, you know,

for the rest of us it's a bloody good day.

I mean, like, I guess it's a little bit like gloating,

but then again, I feel they've won this time,

so I feel like they're slightly entitled

to... to celebrate a bit

because they've had a rough few years. Yeah.

Lunch!

Come on, charge! Argh!

After the election result, and the change that's led to,

my children want to know what the future holds

and they're hoping I'll have some answers. I'm not sure that I do.

Daddy, how many votes did you lose by?

About 5,000.

People voted, I'm afraid, for whoever was most likely to defeat the Tories.

So in some seats Labour, in some seats Lib Dem. In some seats Reform.

Father, will you stand in the next general election? I'm not sure.

I don't at the moment know.

I think the British way is to keep calm and carry on,

and I think this is admirable. That's the approach that

built an empire, made a success of the nation.

I simply don't think one should get too het up about it.

The only thing that winds me up is being asked what I feel

by, um, you. Ha!

It's fine. We carry on.

Now he's lost his seat, do you hope to see more of him?

It's good for us, 'cause it is nice to see him more. I mean, I know he might be a bit bored,

but personally, and for all of my siblings,

it's very good.

So can we go as fast as we want here, do you mean?

We can go up to 60 miles an hour here.

We're going to the, um,

Compton Dando village fete. It's a proper village fete.

What do you mean by a proper village fete?

A proper village fete when they...

...er, um... Just a village.

Just a village. ...when they're run by the village.

The prizes include

two half-hour flight simulator sessions with lunch

from Bristol & Wessex Flying Club. A hundred and 50 quid!

Come on then, old Six Toes.

Is there any part of you, Jacob,

that got nervous being seen out in public

so soon after a loss?

Not at all, no.

It didn't occur to me that that would be an issue.

Commiserations. Thank you, that's kind.

Lovely to see you. Thank you.

Oh, hello.Just to say sorry. Oh, you are kind. Thank you.

The only thing that was at the back of my mind is that people will be too kind.

And that can get embarrassing when people are too kind.

I don't think you've ever agreed with our Prime Minister who's just gone.Not much. No.No.

How many have we got going? Three, please.

I'm not, no.

I know I have, but no, I'm going to leave it to the experts.

Go low, go low. Go low. Nice.

Unlucky, sir.Good try. Good try. Now your go, Sixtus.

I spoke to Jacob. He seemed appropriately sanguine.

Absolutely. Lots of, um,

opportunities to come. Any ideas what he might be considering?

Um, not really.

Could always go for Strictly or I'm A Celeb.

I'd pay good money for that. For what?Jacob dancing. Hilarious.

Um, yes, not in a good way. Doesn't dance, as you well know.

Strictly Don't Come Dancing maybe.

I think Strictly Don't Come Dancing might be better.

And for you, seeing more of him?

Um, well, supposedly. I'm sincerely hoping at some point

he will actually stay home for, sort of, the rest of the holidays.

Was it sad seeing

that 14-year period of his life over for him, but also for you?

Um, yes.

Um, realistically, yes, um, of course.

Um, but again,

Jacob would, with his, um, splendidly thick skin,

er, would say, "Feelings?" He doesn't have any.

Um, which of course isn't actually true.

Shall I go back to the car? I think dash for it, yes.

It's, it's, it's, it's back to the car.

I honestly think Jacob would put a brave face on for an empty room.

But what else he does next...

...I'm not sure.

Er, and I don't even know whether he is sure.

Now he's lost his seat, I don't know what he's gonna do.

He's moved out of his parliament office.

Brought home boxfuls of books.

Oh, gosh. One or two boxes.

That's a huge amount! And a few pictures.

This is the contents of my office in parliament.

I got this from Paul's, the auctioneers.

Can you see? Look, the founder of the Tory Party,

or the Conservative Party. I know where that's going to go,

so let me put it over here.

Do you feel like this is the end of an era?Definitely.

Fourteen years is a long time. It was longer than 14 years.

Well, we started in 2006. Yes.

But you're still going strong, Margaret. You haven't escaped.

You don't know everything, Jacob.

It is sad. But of course, it's not the end

because it's the beginning of something else.That's right.

You know, that's the reality of it.

I did keep my door plates from the House of Commons

from two of my cabinet roles.

I thought you said you weren't sentimental, Jacob.

I'm not. This is as far as I go for sentimentality.

What's your legacy after 14 years as an MP, Jacob?

Um, I've never been too concerned about legacy.

The thing that matters is saving one's soul,

not the temporal legacy.

Most useful things. Always what one wants is some WD-40.

Is that you? That was a birthday card.

Brexit. Any regrets?

No, not at all. I'm delighted we've left the European Union. I did my best

to hold the government's feet to the fire to make sure that we got a proper Brexit.

This is a stone from the Palace of Westminster.

It was given to Peter Tapsell by Enoch Powell.

The Rwanda Plan was a really sensible and serious approach

and the people who said it was un-Christian,

including the Archbishop of Canterbury, who is a man I admire,

I just think they're missing the point.

Oh, and this. I got this from Peston.

Geek of the Week.

I can't remember what I'd done to deserve that.

Tell me about your involvement in the foie gras bill.

Ha-ha!

Well, thing to remember is that geese like to overeat.

If you're a goose, it's what you do.

It's not cruel to geese to feed them. They like it.

And they don't have a gag reflex. And foie gras is delicious.

Were you worried in the immediate aftermath that you'd be

sort of scratching around looking for things to do?

I can't just gently float along not being very busy.

And as the commitments were less this summer,

we thought it would be an opportunity to go off on holiday.

Well, I was just thinking

that we've never actually, since Sixtus has been alive,

managed to go away, all of us.

We could now all go away somewhere, as I've got a little bit more time.

Can you remember the last time you went away with your dad?No.

If you could go anywhere in the world...

Ooh! Australia.

There's cricket there.

Well, there's more cricket in England

because that's where it was invented, idiot.

I've got this marvellous book your mother gave me

on Britain's Pilgrim Places,

so we could go on a pilgrimage. No!

But you'd love this. We could go to the shrine of St Wulfric.

You're named after St Wulfric. Don't care. Let's go somewhere abroad.

Do you know where St Wulfric's shine is?No, where? It's in Compton Martin.

It's the next village.

So, Mary, where would you like to go?Mauritius.

Mauritius?Yeah. That's a very long way away.

Yes, but it's so nice. It's not in England.

The whole point is going abroad! Mummy, Mummy,

let's go to Disneyland Paris in France!

I don't want to go to Disneyland at all.

The children had all sorts of ideas,

but I think it's very important to have some educational element of going away.

I know what I would quite like to do.

I would like to go to the battlefields.

I was quite keen to go and see the Somme and the memorial.

We can go and see the trenches

and it'd be wonderful to take you lot.

Alfred is certainly very excited because, um,

we don't travel very much. I don't think he's ever been on a ferry before, or not ferry far. Ha-ha.

France compared to Mauritius, it's not really on the same level,

so I decided to give it a miss this time.

I would probably have chosen Provence.

Goodness, um, or the, yes,

the French Riviera. I mean, beach?

I would have preferred to go to Australia,

but no, the battlefields would be pretty good.

Look. Here he is!

There's no getting away from him.

I did feel sorry for him when he lost his seat

'cause I voted for him. But yeah, much more time on his hands.

He's gonna be here more often. He can find problems,

so he keeps giving me more to do.

So this is the one we want to get up here, Robert Peel.

And I think we want it quite high up.

If it goes...

I hate picture hanging. The holes in the flipping walls,

get it the wrong height.

And you can see it as you come down.

Not high enough. Too far to the left, too far to the right.

Might need to be a bit tight on the fittings

otherwise the lantern gets in the way.

Found some more

which I thought could go in my dressing room.

I thought this rather nice picture could go there,

yes, just underneath it. Okay.Brilliant.

Thank you very much.

- Guess what. - What?

Boris's dad's coming tonight.

For, um, dinner. Stanley Johnson?That's him.

I met Boris. He came for lunch, didn't he?Yeah.

His hair's just as wild as it is on TV.

I cooked supper for him one night in London.Did you?

Before he became Prime Minister. What did you end up making?

Cottage pie.

Can't go wrong with cottage pie.

He's meant to be a lot like his son, in't he? The same kind of character.

Yeah.Same character as well. Strong genes.

Anybody here?

Hey-ho. I want to say hello to Helena.

One of the great things about politics is that

I've met many interesting people

and some inevitably become friends.

I have a feeling I knew Stanley a bit before I knew Boris.

I always remember all their names. Quintus?Alfred.

Alfred. Oh, God. Peter? Sixtus.

No. Anselm.

It's absolutely great to have Stanley come along.

He is so like Boris, it's absolutely amazing.

We will certainly have, I can promise this,

a very jolly dinner with Stanley.

Wow, how lovely.

There is a brief announcement. Helena.

May I say what a great pleasure it is to be here today, unaccustomed as I am to public speaking. Peter.

Oh, thank you very much. Congratulations on your GCSE results.

Do you want to say a few well-chosen words on the state of the nation? A few well-chosen words, yes.

GCSEs are a ridiculous concept and should be scrapped immediately.

Thank you very much.

Well done. Well done.

Have you ever been to the Edinburgh Fringe?

Because I've been invited by Matt Forde to appear.

Now I'm no longer in parliament, I've got more flexibility

about what I do.

And therefore, I'm tending to say yes to interesting things that come along.

Matt Forde had invited me to join his satirical political programme.

I was delighted to have the opportunity to talk to Stanley

about going to Edinburgh and how he would do it.

Yes, I have been to the Fringe and we had a wonderful... a wonderful evening.

I mean, it wasn't like this lady who's just filled Wembley.

What was her name? Taylor Swift.

Yes, yes, yes, Taylor Swift.

And she caused the ground to shake, apparently, according to the seismologists.

Jacob, you asked me about Edinburgh, but thinking about it,

would you like to? I can imagine you being an absolute star at Edinburgh. Have you thought of this?

No, because I'm not actually intrinsically funny.

I think funny peculiar rather than funny ha-ha is the risk.

Could you ever imagine yourself becoming a celebrity?

In political life, you need to be known.

It's how you get your message across.

But politics is not celebrity.

Politics is about saying, "I believe in this."

Whether it's about Brexit, or about taxation,

or about migration, or about the constitution,

people have to know who you are.

Otherwise, nobody hears what you've got to say.

May I say a word? Jacob, all I can say is

this has been absolutely wonderful.

Obviously you have meals like this every day, but for me,

coming from West Somerset,

...

...I'm gobsmacked. Thank you so much.

And Helena, thank you too. I've really enjoyed every minute of it.

Oh, you're absolutely welcome.

Hang on, someone has dumped a coat on the ground. Not acceptable.

Thomas Rees-Mogg, B20. That's his school laundry number.

Retrieving a bag.

Uh-oh.

This is Alfred and Sixtus' room.

Alfred has clearly decided to bring up almost all our cricket pads.

Right. Okay.

Um, where were we? Alfred. Concentrate.

We are going away for a couple of days,

er, with Anselm, Alfred and Sixtus to France.

Jacob insisted that we go away to France

in the summer holidays, of all times.

There will be some effort involved in packing

for myself and three youngest boys.

Oh, Sixtus, I love the combination of sort of the remains of

Pony Club one-day event gear, a sun hat and a gun.

That's quite a strong look. What about Jacob?

Do you pack his things? No, that, thank goodness, is nothing to do with me.

Does Jacob not pack his own suitcases?

No, we usually do that.

I could pack for myself. It would probably get a bit crumpled.

But there's somebody else who will kindly do it for me.

Blue ties and a black tie.

There should be a black tie in this bag.

I like being looked after. I'm just lazy, that's all.

The shirts are a nightmare to fold.

Because, um, they're folded like new shirts

that you get out of a packet when you buy them.

I don't like doing the shirts.

Where are we going? Are we going somewhere close to the equator?

We're not going anywhere close to the equator.Well, sort of closer to the equator.

Yes, I suppose France is closer to the equator than England, yes.

These ones are awfully creased.

When they all get put in on top of each other, the collars get bent,

so you have to re-iron it all. Absolute nightmare.

So, re-iron those.

Alfred, Sixtus.

What are we going to do in France? Speak French.

Ah. No, I can't speak French.No!

I'm hugely looking forward to taking the children to France.

It should be fun to have a different pace, different location, different place to be.

Ou est le plume de ma tante?

Isn't it la plume de ma tante? La plume?

It's the quill of my aunt. Which, for some reason,

is avec mon oncle dans le jardin.

Did you take French O Level? I did, yes.

Do you know how to say "thank you"? Mercy.

Mercy, yes. Mercy, mercy.

Merci. Merci.

To quote Withnail and I, um,

we've gone on holiday by mistake.

What was the car journey like?

Oh, that was too long.

That was terrible.

Sixtus is annoying and he's a real bum-bum.

All right?

Where's your hoodie, darling? In here.

You're sure? Yeah. Okay, good.

Let's go.

This is where you play quoits. What's quoits?

I don't know. It's a game people play on ships, but I've no idea.

You sort of throw things along somehow.

There you go. There are the White Cliffs of Dover.

Keeping children in order is never very easy.

They all want to go off in their own different ways,

and you have to remember that what you think interesting at 55

is not necessarily what's interesting

to a seven or eight year old.

Wait, Jacob. Jacob. Jacob!

Where's Anselm? I've no idea.

Anselm?

Anselm, sweetheart.

Anselm, love. Where's Anselm?

Anselm? Anselm!

Hi. Sorry, I was worried we'd lost you. We're just exploring a bit, yeah.

Now where have they gone?

Anselm, did they go that way? I'm just looking.

They're going that way. They've gone that way. Okay, right.

Sorry, I was, um... I thought you'd seen Daddy.

Okay.

We'll never get hot chocolate. Bah!

Is that your idea of a holiday?

Yeah, I don't... I don't know if I would have been able to just cope

with the level of chaos.

Just so loud.

Like breaking the sound barrier loud.

It's just... It's painful. It's painful.

Shall we go here? This is lovely.

Hey, is this the bow? It's probably the stern, isn't it? Unless it turns round.

Shall we practise your French?

Oh, yes.You know the key trick to speaking French?

Actually, we do. We don't need to hear it again.

You have to wiggle your shoulders and then you sound very French.

Hur-hur-hur. And you have to... Every sentence ends hur-hur-hur.

No, it doesn't. Well done, Alfred. Well said.

Wiggle your shoulders and say, "Le crayon bleu."

Le crayon bleu.

Right, so we've got the garden party.

We've got 50. Fifty.Fifty coming, yeah.

When Jacob comes back from France,

he's gonna have a bit of a drinks party for all his foot soldiers,

get them on the cider

and say thank you for all the hard work they've done.

What sandwiches did she say? Cucumber? Ham?

Brown and white bread.

And salmon, wasn't it? Salmon, yeah.

Jacob wants Pimm's. And white wine, weren't it?

White wine.White wine. We've got cider. I'll get that over.

Ooh, we can have a drop of cider tonight.

And don't forget, we've all got to look like James Bond.

Sara, you're gonna do the glasses. Yeah.

Okay. When you get out the pub.

Stop bringing the pub up! Right then. Sorted.

That was the most beautiful hour of my life. Just brilliant.

That would be a fantastic advert for P&O Ferries.

If someone says, "That was the most beautiful hour of my life", that would be brilliant.

A glittering career in marketing awaits Alfred.

Hang on, where's the car?

You've been starved of walks, haven't you, Daisy?

How many do you usually give her a day? Three? Four?I do four.

Let me put some wellies on and we'll take her up to the fields.

She gets plenty of exercise for a cocker spaniel.

Well, she is a working cocker, so... Yeah.

She's an unemployed working cocker. She works from home.

And she chews up all the furniture. Daisy has never chewed up furniture.

Whereas Alfred and Sixtus, our rabid siblings...

It is Alfred and Sixtus.

What do you think Aldred and Sixtus are gonna be like in France?

Um, probably terribly behaved. Yeah.

But I think they'll have a great time.

Running circles around Mummy and Daddy.

Oh, yeah, a hundred per cent.

They'll have fun. They're terrible together. Anselm will keep them in line.

Mummy and Daddy definitely won't. No.

What about your dad and French food? He likes the blue steak, doesn't he?

He likes blue steak. He likes foie gras.

'Cause he did the thing in the House of Commons where he stopped it being banned.Yeah.

He's very passionate about foie gras.Yeah.

He stopped the cruelty bill, or whatever it was, which was a very good move.

Um, you know, all this woke crap.

Daddy wants to be understood, so he'll probably just shout English with a French accent.Yeah.

The only thing Daddy can say in French is, "I do not speak French."

Onward, Christian soldiers. Bonjour.

Um, please may we check in?

Yes. The name is Rees-Mogg.

Your dad, can he speak French? Er... Not really.

Bonjour. Comment allez-vous. No!

Je parle Anglais.

Ooh-la-la. Um, Jacob doesn't speak French in any meaningful sense.

I have a very limited amount of French.

I can understand very basic instructions.

I know the numbers. So, if somebody tells me

breakfast is served between six and nine, I will understand that.

Um, we're going to the cathedral for 9:00,

for Mass, for the Assumption.

So, it'll be before nine.

Oh, yes, absolutely. If we...

A peu pres. It's not a rendezvous, just, you know...

Just a rough idea. An idea, yeah.

Boys, got your bag of toys and things?

This is lovely, this outsidey bit.

Here we go. Mmm!

Oh, my goodness. When I go on holiday with Daddy,

I was expecting five stars, because it was Daddy.

I'll just bring my bag in. Okay.

I expect the children would love a bit of luxury, who wouldn't?

But they know that if they're going with me, it's definitely economy.

Not least because there's so many of us.

Oh, we've got TV. Probably all in French though.

I didn't really like the hotel.

It had duvets instead of sheets and blankets.

Who cares what he has to sleep in? Major error.

And not expecting make your own tea.

I was expecting they'd bring it to you.

But hey, you can't get everything you want in life.

We could do a pillow fight in the middle of the night.

No, that would be naughty. We would never.

We probably would. Um...

Come in the middle of the night. We'll do a pillow fight. It'll be good telly.

Yes, let's do that.

Imagine living in that. They're probably just tunnels.

I think if you take three boys and you offer them a battlefield,

they're immediately gonna have a battle.

It's very interesting for children to see the reality of trenches,

to get some understanding of what they were.

I've never been to a sort of World War I battlefield, memorial,

or anything like that. Jacob has on a school trip as a teenager.

There would have been fighting all across this land.

This is the Thiepval Memorial to those who died in the Somme.

Goodness. Look at all the names.

Thousands and thousands and thousands.

It's important for the children to understand about what happened

in recent history.

And to know the courage of their forebears.

Quite sad, all of these people who died.

Well, they all died as heroes.

So... that's good.

I went to the French battlefields as a teenager

and it's something I've always remembered,

and I hope the children will always remember this as well.

Particularly because going away is so rare,

it may focus their mind

and keep it in the little grey cells as they get older.

Oh, wait, there's another shaving cloth there. Napkin there.

I've got to hang seven pictures for the boss man.

I don't enjoy hanging pictures.

'Cause you can guarantee I'll mess it up.

Can you give me a hand with this picture, please?

I can try. Let's do it.

When they're away, he gives me all these jobs to do.

Pictures gotta go up.

Don't want no messing. This is serious stuff. Don't drop it.

Do you know who this bloke is here? I've forgotten. Who is it?

Somebody called Robert Peel. Do you know who that is?No.

If I knew stuff like that, I wouldn't be working here, would I?

I really don't like this ladder.

Could be anything behind here. Could be an old monk or anything.

You can guarantee there'll be something behind that plaster I don't like

in this old house.

Not like in your council house, a nice bit of plaster

and... stick your doofers in.

Go it? Yeah, I've got it.

Hang on, get it up again. Ooh, watch the light.

Jacob's a bit more fussy.

He's like, "Too far. Too far."

I've got my bubble right. It looks good.

Yeah, it's spot on, isn't he?

He was the founder of the Metropolitan Police.Oh!

He was Prime Minister as well. Founder of the modern Conservative Party.

Ah, that's what I was gonna say. He's not Labour. Jacob wouldn't have him up there.

I've found games on the telly. Oh, have you now?Yes, I have.

I want to play some. No, we're going out to dinner.

Oh, one more thing. There's always one more thing, isn't there?Come!

Come! Can you behave, please?

Alfred, behave. Alfredo.

Cobbles. We don't care about cobble stones. Let's go.

When it gets really hot,

Daddy does not wear shorts and a T-shirt.

I don't think I've ever seen that, ever.

I don't think anyone's ever seen that.

I might have dug out my white suit, like the man from Del Monte.

His lovely white suit probably doesn't come out often enough.

Um... Ooh, moules marinieres.

Moules a la creme. Wow, lots of moules. Yum.

Mummy, what do you think I would like?

I think you'd like all sorts of things. I'd like everything.

Let's go in before Sixtus drops dead of starvation.

No, I want... Let's see what they have. Where's Anselm?

I'm doing a quick translation

so that I can be clear of what exactly is on the menu.

Jacob, do you want me to tell you what it says?Um...

Volet roti au miel et au citron. Okay.

A volet is likely to be a bird.

Unless you know straight away, it's going to be easier if I just Google it.

That's a very smart hat.

Thank you very much.

If you think you're seeing Daddy scranning some snails, no.

Daddy will definitely be eating that blue steak.

It's absolutely delicious. Absolutely delicious. Is it actually raw?

Yes, basically. But I like my steak basically raw anyway.

And I like a nice steak blue.

I'm quite carnivorous, so as long as it's beef

and relatively raw, I'm quite happy.

I've got masses of moules, my goodness.

What's that? Mussels.

Moules are mussels. Is it a human muscle?

It's not a human muscle, no. Anyone want to try a mussel? Give me one. Give me one.

I want one. Er, "Please may I have..." Please.

Please could you pass that to Alfred? Mummy, the mussel is nice.

Ugh, mussels. Urgh!

Horrible! No, no, no.

It tasted horrible.

No, stop! Just eat the mashed potato.

Stop it. Stop it. No, no, no, no. Oh, heck. Sorry.

That was a little troublesome. Is your suit all right?

It'll survive.

The danger of a white suit is blindingly obvious.

Some kind of often child related, um, spillage.

Just fell a little down his, like, front and his trousers.

The suit is rather worse for wear.

Oh, damn. We should have chucked water to...

No, because that would have been fuss.Okay.

I've certainly got more time now I'm no longer a member of parliament.

But I can at least spend more time with the family, with children.

I love being a father. My children are wonderful.

They take after their mother and they're extraordinarily good-natured,

rather than being an old, grumpy so-and-so like me.

Garden party tonight.

Boss man is having a drinks party

for all the foot soldiers that delivered all the leaflets

through everybody's letterboxes, to say thank you.

He runs on coffee.

Three spoonfuls! Unbelievable.

Thank you very much.

What do you think? Set up inside or outside?

I think set up inside.

That's Pimm's and the wine that you got.That's right, and cider.

Well, Team Gournay Court swing into action for parties of this kind.

That's my bar.

The last thing I want is this to be a wake. I'm still alive.

No, no, this is a jolly party for people who've helped

and I hope they will enjoy themselves.

Tart it up a bit. Lovely.

Do you think that's an appropriate colour?

It is if you're a Labour supporter. Haven't got a blue one.

Don't you hit my truck with a cricket ball. I'll have to kill you.

You may have noticed Shaun has a very dry sense of humour.

Just got new stumps. Have you?

Didn't steal them, did you? No.

Nearly as dry as the cider. Nearly as dry as the cider.

What's in these vessels here, then?

Cider. I haven't tasted this one.

I've no idea how strong it is.

Certainly makes your legs go if you drink too much of it.

Nothing in it. No phosphates or none of that rubbish.

Are we serving our cider? Yeah.

Win prizes with that.

Look.

Looks like a urine sample. It does, doesn't it?

Who's gonna taste it? I can't. I'll let you taste it.I'm working.

Ah.You're not. Thanks for that.That's all right.

Mmm. Pretty explosive.

Right. Brace-brace. Okay.

Mmm! That's actually a bit fizzy.

Mmm! Yes.

That's almost refreshing.

Down in one. Down in one. Down in one.

Deadly. Cor!

These garden parties, you said you get quite stressed at them, don't you, Shaun?

You just have a sneaky drink under the table and then you chill out.

But they're not there to see you, they're there to see the boss man.

Twenty-four on a plate. There's about 10, 11 plates.

Two hundred and fifty.

How many guests are coming tonight, Shaun?Fifty-ish guests.

Couple each, and a couple of the sausage rolls. Keep 'em quiet for five minutes.

Do you think he'll ever stand again? Don't know. Five years is a long time, innit?

Perhaps Peter will do it.

If he's got any sense he won't.

Fox chases a rabbit round a... round a tree and down the hole.

We're not all uncouth scruffs all our lives in track suit bottoms and hoodies.

Socks up.

He likes things done property.

That's what he pays your wages for, innit?

Oh, look at you. Oh, look at you.

You look smart. Scrubs up well, don't you?

Oh, hello, Margaret. Hello, Jacob.

People have started arriving, so if we could start serving

that would be kind, please.

Cider, please.Cider, cider. Cider. Cider.

That's right, that's right.

Would you like a sandwich? Have you come to join us?

No, I'm looking for Mummy. You're looking for Mummy?

I don't know where she is.

Were there any more takers for homemade cider? Any brave souls? Yes?

Smells nice, dunnit? It does, yeah.

Oh, it's bloody lovely, innit! It's quite dry.

Got a nice taste to it. Proper Somerset.

Would you like a drink? They're all drinking cider.

I was told it's a bit keen when I started

so I was a little bit nervous. I think this is a winner.

Lots of people have been going back for seconds and thirds.

Have to have it in wine glasses.

There's a great line from Fantastic Mr Fox on cider.

"She won't feel so rotten as soon as she's gotten

some cider inside her inside."

Here's the to the future. Thank you. Thank you very much.

It's a sad day for the constituency. It's almost like being sacked, isn't it?

It's really, really sad, I think.

Now, we lost. You may have noticed.

And we lost heavily.

The worst result for the Conservative Party

that we can think of.

Our vote share collapsed

and across the country people voted

for whichever party they thought would defeat the Tories.

You have supported the party at its lowest point.

Thank you for that. But it can, it does get better.

Perhaps the least, er, satisfactory bit of losing your seat

is not about me, it's that sense of having let down people.

The campaign team put a brave face on it and live to fight another day.

It's just really nice to see everyone

for what I very much hope isn't the last time.

I think we just have to give it time. Jacob will never forget politics.

Jacob will go on. Politics is in his blood.

Bye.Bye. Bye. Bye.

That's better. I'm back.

Shaun, we can get rid of some of these 'cause they're a bit damaged, a bit worse for wear.

We can get rid of this one and this one.

I think it's been a bit of a holiday for him this time

but I think he'd like to get back in and get down to the nitty-gritty,

sorting the country out.

When things change, there's always an opportunity for the next thing.

Have to wait and see what the future will hold.

The Edinburgh Fringe is not his natural habitat.

I wouldn't put Jacob Rees-Mogg and comedy in the same sentence.

This might put "where there's a will there's a way" to the test.

I won't actually see them now for a month,

but they get a fantastic education there.

Are you still hankering after going back into politics?

There is an attraction if the right opportunity came up.

Oh, don't fret, sweetheart. It'll be all right.

You'll be brilliant. Don't worry. Don't worry.