Original subtitles

Morning, how are you?

I can sort of see you. Perfect. Yeah.

It's slightly like Big Brother is watching you.

Shame on you! Shame on you!

You're a wanker!

I hope I don't get a Cease and Desist letter from Johnnie Boden. "Could you please not

wear my clothes, you awful Tory, right-wing,

fox-hunting Brexiteer."

They sound the horn and off they all go. Magnificent.

I'm well aware that there are risks in reality TV.

Worst result at a general election than John Major's defeat in 1997.

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success.

Let's go to Disneyland Paris in France!

A top priority is to go to the battlefields.

Jacob Rees-Mogg!

You could always go for Strictly or I'm a Celeb.

Uh-huh-huh. I feel in a terrible state of undress.

How do you feel about following in this long line of family documentaries?

I think this will be a rather different kettle of fish from The Kardashians.

Why? Well, I've no idea

'cause I've never watched their programmes, so I don't really have a clue.

Please be gone. Vote Conservative!

It may feel like you can't remember a time when it wasn't the election,

but we're almost there. The big day is in two weeks' time.

Now is the time for all Conservatives to come together

to deny Labour that super-majority that Keir Starmer craves.

I don't know how they know who's gonna vote for who,

just 'cause people on the telly are saying, "Labour are winning."

How do they know that?

Shaun, tell me what you're up to. What are you doing?

Making Jacob's coffee and taking his papers up.

No breakfast, just strong coffee.

They don't know who's going to put a cross on what. It's a load of bollocks, innit?

You must be one of the only people allowed into the...Boudoir.

Morning!

I've lost my water bottle!

Sixtus, darling.Yeah? You're going to be seven...

Yeah. ...on election day.

Sixtus is born on the 4th of July,

which is meant to be Independence Day in America,

not election day here. Thanks, Rishi.

What did you say you wanted for your birthday?

Drums.

A drum kit?Yeah. Dream on, I would have thought.

Baby Sixtus is most definitely not a baby anymore.

Er, Sixtus is probably a typical youngest of a large family.

And then we have Alfred. Fifth child, fourth son.

It took five goes to get one that looked like me rather than Jacob.

Can't we have a song? Okay, yes.

Your song is gonna be poo.

Actually rather unnervingly like photographs of me at the same age. But boy, obviously.

Please can I have "Without Me" by Eminem.

You can just ask Siri.

What, for the clean version and hope for the best?Yes. Let's hope for the worst.

Congratulations, Nigel Farage. If the polls are to be believed,

and they might not be... Mmm.

...you're gonna play your part in wiping out the Tory Party,

producing the greatest, er, Labour majority in history.

Starmer's gonna win. We all know that now.

Who is gonna be the voice of opposition

to a Labour government with a big majority?

A split, divided Conservative Party or me?

Right, so what I thought we'd do is the two of us

go up onto the high street, back down,

pick up a sandwich from Greggs, come and have some lunch. Superb idea.Bingo.

Right, there are a couple of little bits there.Yup, fine.And we might get them at least delivered.

I'm writing a very short piece about Jacob.

This seat is right on the cusp between him and the former Labour MP for this same area.

I agree with a lot of what Reform is saying.

I know and like Nigel Farage.

Um, but he's not gonna be prime minister.

I think it'll be very tough, especially with the entry of Reform. Bye.Bye.

This election, as well as the usual threat from Labour on the left,

this time, unfortunately, he's also got Reform to the right.

Three, two, one and say, "Vote Tory."Vote Tory.

There is a sliver of a chance that,

what with the national profile, for better or worse,

that he may keep the seat.

Vote the Tories out! Thank you.

Vote the Tories out! Nice to see you.

If I may be able to count on your support on election day?No.No?

You have to stay motivated.

I'm Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Oh, fair enough. Sorry.

Oh, okay, fair enough.

I'm campaigning. I won't take your leaflet, I've seen them already.

I'm voting Reform, look.

You have to keep going. As Churchill said, "KBO."

No, you just have to keep going.

Right, do you mind if I get my big notebook out? Oh, yes. Oh, your BIG notebook.

Oh, dear, this is serious.

You have served as a cabinet minister. You've been a, a, a

prominent MP in the governing party.

In the unfortunate situation where you don't win,

do you stay here? Is this your home?

I think my family have lived physically in the constituency of North East Somerset since 1618.

We've been here a very long time.

I have no intention of, um, going anywhere,

but I'm not making any plans for after the election

of that kind. You know,

we'll cross bridges when we come to them.

Sixtus, you can have this one on, but don't turn that one on. You mustn't.It's so cold!

It's going towards him now. Please leave it.

I'm cold though!

While it would have been lovely for all of us to be with Jacob in Somerset

seven days a week for the duration of the election campaign, obviously we haven't been.

Three away at boarding school, um,

day school in London for the youngest three.

Is there?Where?

Oh, yeah, so there is! I wonder why that is.

Oh, I can't get out. Mwah. Very nice to see you.

Indeed. Hello, my great man.

Look at this.That is so strong! It is actually real.Ah, hello.

It's the end of the school year so things are returning

and I'm basically just getting them into the house.

I have a nasty feeling other people will sort out where they have to go in the end.

Mummy, can you now order the Harry Potter ones and I'll pay you back?

Okay. Oh, hang on. It could be a birthday present.

No! No stamping or tantrums.

You don't want to wait for your birthday, so you're actually going to buy it. Okay.

Fine.

But Mummy, why do I have to wait?

Good things come to those who wait. Nah.

Good bowling! He's out!

I've had a lovely week. We've done a lot of campaigning.

Look, I've got a huge hole in my shoe.

Look, it goes all the way through.

I feel in a terrible state of undress.

Fine bowling! And that's out.

What a perfect end, and the crowd gives a standing ovation.

You hit some very nice shots. And the crowd goes...Hooray!

The crowd goes mild. Mild.

You gave me the apple tunnel for which...?

Er, our fourth wedding anniversary.

'Cause fourth wedding anniversaries are fruit or flowers.

Helen, when you first met Jacob, what attracted you to him?

Well, nothing, 'cause I was one.

Our parents were old friends.

My now parents-in-law invited my mother and late father

and my nanny and me over to lunch.

Apparently, Jacob was there.

My mother remembers, um, about nine,

a serious, pale, bespectacled young boy.

I obviously have no memory of this, 'cause I was one. I'm forgiven.

He doesn't remember it either. Outrageous! He was nine.

So, many years later Jacob's sister had a party.

I knew you knew Annunziata. Yes.

And I knew that you were descended from Thomas Wentworth, who's always been one of my political heroes.

I think if he had not been beheaded,

the Civil War could have gone differently. He was the only man

who could have won the Civil War for Charles I.

About 20 minutes later, I sort of staggered off,

thinking, "How odd that this man

seems to know more about my family than I do."Anyway.

We're on the last day of campaigning.

Um, a few letters to go out. Tomorrow is election day.

If it isn't done now, it's too late.

Ridge Lane. First right here.

That's right. And then you come back down

somewhere back on this road in a circle.Fine.

There's no point in preparing for doom and gloom

until the doom and gloom hits.

Sorry to bother you. I'm canvassing on behalf of Jacob Rees-Mogg

who's your local Tory candidate.

So William is one of my oldest friends. We were at school together.

And he's come and helped me in every single campaign, back to Central Fife,

and then every election here since 2010.

And he's been a great supporter, ally, and fantastic campaigner.

Um, I'll be voting Labour. You'll be voting Labour? What's wrong with you?

I'm here because I've canvassed in every election

that Jacob has ever fought.

We were at school together and I've always admired him.

Doesn't help when your own members say they should all be prepared for a massive loss.Yes.

Well, I'm an ex-socialist, you see. Oh, okay.

So I'm not sure if my friends will forgive me.

I've known him from the age of, um, from the age of 13,

marching round the streets of Eton with his Harrods bag,

looking like a coat hanger on the move, basically.

Are you thinking Reform? Are you thinking...Reform.

Sorry. Just in case you haven't made your mind up.

Well, I think it's Reform or Tories. Oh, is it?Yeah.

Nice to meet you anyway. Take care.

I remember he had this enormous rosette,

had this huge loudhailer, and he stood up on this,

on this bench in the middle of the street...

...in Fife,

and started sort of barking, you know, "No to the tartan tax."

And I thought, "Oh, my God, how have you got the nerve to do that?"

Alfred, don't bowl it at my head.

Hey, that's out! I'm batting now. But you batted so well.

That was terrible!

But you hit me for a six.

Jacob made the mistake of asking Sixtus what he'd like for his birthday. And, um,

Sixtus said he wanted a drum kit. Uh-oh.

What do you think about the idea of Sixtus having a drum kit?

I mean, Sixtus, he's a little Mozart. He's just so angelic.

Sixtus, you should probably come and field.

He can be a little handful, he can.

The drum kit is definitely going to live in Somerset.

With an off button. Will you come and help?

So I was dragged off to help choose one.

So, how much higher do you think the noise levels are gonna be

in the house, what with Sixtus having a drum?

Louder than what it is now.

Back in my day, did I have a drum kit? No.

Parents, they get soft in their old age.

It says, "Don't touch."

We're looking for a drum kit for a seven-year-old. Yeah, we've got some junior kits.

Downstairs.

I would just say that Sixtus doesn't really need a drum, to be honest. He makes enough racket himself,

just, like, his existence.

That's a Midtown Pearl drum kit.

Sixtus with a set of drums.

Is that necessarily a good idea? No.

There's all these drums. There's like a silver metallic one.

There's an absolutely massive one.

And then there's this perfect blue drum.

Like, that is for Sixtus. That's what he wants.

Right, well that's adorable. It's probably as un-noisy as it's going to get.

Go for that one, then? Yes.

This is in boxes. I'll have to take it back and put it together.

Hide it from Sixtus, wrap it up,

and then stand back.

That can go in there.

That's a lot of mash, isn't it?

It is a lot of mash today. How many is it today for, Debbie?

Seven.

How are you? Oh, hello.Nice to see you.

I didn't recognise you before.

I have heard tonight one of the guests is a food critic.

Yeah.

He is. William Sitwell, yeah. I never heard of him before.

Have you not? No, I don't think so.

Opposite Vernoica then, please. Me over there?Yes, please.

On the menu tonight we've got chicken in a red wine sauce

and mashed potato and cabbage.

That is a Rees-Mogg portion. There's no greens.

I've never seen any of them eat greens.Jacob, you're eating greens now.

I am, but I like cabbage. I like cabbage.

Well done. You've come back. And you're in the seat of honour.

Do you think we might live without a cricket ball for dinner?

No. Just on this happy occasion.

No? Don't eat it by mistake, then, it'll break your teeth.

What do you think about the idea of your daddy losing his seat?

Stupid. Stupid if he loses?

You'll have to take up the banner,

be the next member of parliament for North East Somerset and Hanham if I lose.

You could get your job back in the next general election. I could, but do you think

you'd like to do it in a few years' time?Maybe.

Maybe? What about Sixtus? Would you like to be a member of parliament? No. I want to be an inventor.

An inventor?You can't help but notice on Twitter

there's quite a lot of people who are sort of feverishly,

desperately waiting for the moment when you lose. How does that feel?

Well, extraordinary things can happen. And one should never give up

until the last minute.

But it must be likely, if you look at the polls, that I don't win.

And then you get on with the next thing.

That's not to say I don't want to be re-elected. I do want to be re-elected.

That's why I've been pounding the streets for all these weeks.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you.

Let some heat out. Yeah.

Where are you going today? Where am I going?Yes. I'm going voting.

He'll do all right. I hope.

It's the tabloids spoiling stuff again, I reckon.

Telling people that somebody's miles ahead when they might not be.

And that might swing it the wrong way.

Coming up to our new 20 mile an hour speed limit that nobody sticks to.

The Lib Dems put it in.

Might as well get out and walk.

Morning. Good morning.

I do not like this.

I want to know where I am.

Oh, my goodness. A drum kit.

Oh, my goodness. Wrong way! Wrong way! We've got to go this way.

So, isn't it nice having an election on your birthday!

Nah. Making it a special day.Eh!

You think, "Eh"? You sound like, um, a budgerigar.

Almost all the polls are showing

that Labour will take North East Somerset and Hanham off the Conservatives.

Oh, hello, you've come too. What does polling mean?

What does polling mean? Voting.

Hello. Good morning. How are you? Very well. How are you? Good. Very well, thank you.

Yes, I wish it weren't so. But, um,

what will be will be. We'll have to see.

Because they have loony policies, um,

and they think politics is all ridiculous.

What does it feel like to go vote and vote for yourself?

It's always quite exciting voting for yourself.

There you are, your name's on the ballot paper

and you rather hope a few other people will vote for you as well.

Which is rather more important.

I like your birthday hat. That is so smart.

Don't kick each other on camera. That is very naughty. Boomf!

How are the kids feeling at this point? Yes, I suppose for them

it will be a big change. Too bad, I'm afraid.

Now, millions of Brits head out to the polls

to vote in the general election. Don't forget your voter ID.

Nothing has gone well in the last 14 years.

I just see this as the potential for a seismic shift.

Rishi Sunak... Morning.

...arriving alongside his wife in his North Yorkshire constituency.

The Labour leader, Sir Keir Starmer, was casting his ballot in North London.

Worst result at a general election

than John Major's defeat in 1997.

Where are we heading now, Jacob?

We're heading into the Keynsham office

and we'll go round polling stations with Margaret

and we'll do a bit on the megaphone, encouraging people to vote Conservative.

Hello, hello, hello. Hello.

Good. Everything under control?

Ah, right. Morning. Has everyone voted?

Yes. Excellent. That's the key question.

Um, it's...Off.Yeah.

We've just changed batteries, bought some new batteries.

Let me see. May I see? 'Cause...

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.

Oh, no, these ones are the wrong way round.Are they?

It's very odd, because normally the springs...

That's the wrong way round. Yeah, but if you look at that...

Yes, excellent.

This is Jacob Rees-Mogg, your Conservative candidate.

Please vote Conservative today.

Polling stations are open till 10:00.

Please vote Conservative today.

We're up and running, but I don't realistically think

this'll win us many votes, but you've got to be positive in a campaign and keep going

and make it enjoyable.

So much of elections are dull.

Leafleting, and walking round the streets and discussions.

This is a bit of razzmatazz.

Please vote Conservative today.

Polling stations are open until 10:00.

Please vote Conservative today.

Thank you!

I voted for Dan Norris today.

Hopefully he's going to topple Rees-Mogg at last

because I will be over the moon if Rees-Mogg is gone.

We'd be better off without him. He doesn't represent me.

I'd be very happy to see the back of him.

I think he's awful. Nasty man.

I voted for Jacob Rees-Mogg. What do you like about Jacob?

I don't like him.

It feels different today.

It's Sixtus' birthday as well, isn't, so...

He seems quite good today, doesn't he? 'Cause I would be quite,

yeah, nervous and everything, but he seems quite level-headed today.

When I first started, I was really nervous about meeting Jacob.

Well, petrified.

I heard good and bad things about him round the village,

but most of that was down to his political views.

But I don't follow politics, so I didn't know much about him.

Have you voted today, Sara, yet? I haven't voted yet, no.

I will be later. I'll do it on the way home.

Who are you voting for, Sara? I'm voting for Jacob.

Do you have to ask really?

I've even got my garden plaque up for Conservative in my garden.

I haven't been chased away with the pitchforks just yet.

I'm waiting for Sixtus, whose birthday it is,

and I'm going to take him to The Entertainer. And, er,

Alfred's going to join too.

But the main present is for Sixtus, obviously.

Even though it's a busy election day, you're still making time for...

It's his birthday, you know.

And if you're seven, elections don't mean an enormous amount.

Thank you so much!

Hello. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Hello, hello, hello. Shall we go to The Entertainer?

Will you go into Boots and get some... Whoa! Where are you... I've already got nasal spray.

Oh, I see. Ah-ha-ha.

I don't really want any of this.

Ah, no, that's too bad.

Helena has some level of, um, control,

Nanny is a bit of a pushover,

and I'm a complete pushover, is I think how the children would put it.

Yes. Yes, I think that's about right.

So I want this and the drum kit. All right, we'll get you that.

Do you not already have one? No, I don't.

All right, let's get that.

Who's stricter, Mummy or Daddy? Mummy.

I keep dropping it.

Yes, you can vote for your favourite toy.

Not here, no.

That's it. If you tick your box,

and then you get your sticker. And you get a sticker. There you go.

I want to vote for dinosaurs. I'm glad you're voting for dinosaurs.

Vote Conservative!

Yeah! I want a go.

Vote Conservative!

Very good.

That was quite loud. Is your microphone still working?

I don't know where they're gonna sit.

Jacob definitely.

Helena definitely.

Sixtus.

All here tonight. And plus it's Sixtus' birthday.

Hence that's why he's at the end of the table.

Top man. More important than being an MP.

It's normally Jacob and then important woman on Jacob's right,

so on. Helena, important bloke could be on her left.

That's how posh people do it. Look after the glasses.

He likes things done properly.

That's what he pays your wages for, innit?

Yes!

Yes! What's he got?

A mini bath bomb gift set.

I was very lucky for my birthday

because Great Aunt Janie and Nicky came. The end.

Er, no. What is it?

Can you remember what you asked for? A bubble machine gun.

So basically, you get to choose the best one for you.

And I got two more 'cause a bubble machine gun isn't fun unless you've got someone to fight with.

I think I need one, don't I, Sixtus?

My birthday is the most important.

Definitely more important than the election.

No, definitely not.

I did it! I've done it.

Well done!

It's done. Look. You are a clever old sausage.

Oh.

Happy birthday.

Is one person's birthday more important than the whole country?

I don't think so. I think so.

I wonder what this could be.

Fifty Amazing Magic Tricks.

We need to go for dinner. Where's Jacob?

Jane, you are... on Jacob's right.

Peter, Jane, Gillian.

People feel politicians are completely out of touch.

I know at about midnight what the, what the result is.

An idea of what the result is. Will you know before everyone else?

Well, Margaret will have a good idea and she'll pass it on to me.

What, so you'll know before most public, most normal people?

We'll have a pretty good idea... Thank you. ...from the, er, whatsit. Exit poll.

At the dinner table they talk about absolute rubbish.

Boing! Boing! Boing!

Ooh! Have we had a power cut?

We've had a power cut. We've had a power cut. Why do you think that's happened?

Again, go on.

Go on, Sixtus!

Hooray!

I'm probably just gonna be here for a bit until Daddy leaves,

then we'll switch the telly on and get the results and eventually Daddy's seat.

I want to watch the result. You don't want to stay up till five in the morning.Yes I do!

I don't even need that much sleep. I will let you know

when I get the message from Margaret. Okay?

You can tell me 'cause I'll be here, and then I can tell him. I can just sleep on this chair.

No, Alfred, you go to bed and I will tell you.

So everything will be fine. I want to watch it being announced.

We won't be watching just Daddy. They'll give us all the results from everywhere. Places like, um,

North Yorkshire, which we don't really care that much about.

But we care about Daddy's seat.

I get nervous. He doesn't.

It's not even my seat, it's his.

We've got the result coming out at 10.

What result? What for? The exit poll.

What do you mean by the exit poll?

When we went to one of the polling stations, they had people from Ipsos MORI

and they were stopping every sixth person and saying, "How did you vote?"

Oh! And then they tally all that up.

They ask thousands of people. Right.

And then they predict the result from that.

So it's all very clever. Ooh!

All right, I'll see you later.

Bye-bye.

Where's Daddy gone? To have a bath.

Hmm.

Polls close at 10:00 p.m. and then,

much later,

'cause vote counting takes a very long time, we'll go

about 1:00 or 2:00 a.m.

to the election count.

We need to look smart, appropriate,

but also got to be warm enough

'cause counts have previously finished - I think the first one was about 5:30 a.m. I think.

Certainly won't be showing up in a bikini anyway.

A bit long. A bit short-sleeved.

Does it seem weird picking out an outfit

for what could possibly be the end of Jacob's political career?

It's not... I'm not looking forward to it as such, but, um, it's very much part and parcel of

the whole, um, political life.

Election campaigns, general elections, election day, election night,

no, I would always very much want to go.

Um, I'm, you know, certainly not being dragged along

or going under sufferance or anything.

I very much always want to be there.

Er, yes, no, no.

Yes.

And as Big Ben strikes 10,

the exit poll is predicting a Labour landslide.

Sir Keir Starmer will become Prime Minister with a majority of around 170 seats.

The exit poll predicts that Labour will have captured 410 seats,

adding 209. It suggests the Conservatives

will have lost 241 MPs, landing on 131.

It is going to be quite the night.

A hundred and 31 seats for the Conservatives?

I mean you must expect I'll lose my seat.

And Jacob Rees-Mogg, his chance of winning is 47%.

Ooh, Daddy, look, it's a 50-50.

Even though the guys were saying, "He's got a 47% chance of keeping his seat, that's really good",

I was kind of like, that's less than half.

I'm afraid 47% didn't sound great to me.

Give him a big beard. What are you going to do? Give him a big beard.

Who are you gonna give a big beard to?Him.

What are you doing, Alfred? He's drawing a beard on, um, Keir Starmer.

The national picture will be clear just after 10:00.

Enormously big glasses.

People who represent me in the count

will do a tally as the boxes are emptied.

And I would expect to hear from my agent, Margaret Brewer, at around midnight.

That is when I would expect to have a very good idea of where we are.

Who's written "communist"? That was Alfie.Er, me.

Oh, that's you, is it? I thought that was Alfred's writing.

No, no. If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Yawning away but you're not tired.

It's definitely bed time. Exactly. Come on, then.

Alfred... He's wiping his eyes, too. Darling, come on.

I've got hay fever. If Margaret has the result,

I'll let Nicky know before I go off to the count

and she can wake you up if you're asleep.

Did you want me? Er, it's the BBC.

Yes? They're ready for you now. Certainly.

You, my darling, have got to go up. Good night, sweetheart. No, thank you.

I'm not going to. No, it wasn't a request,

it was a strong... Wrong way, thank you very much.

Wrong way. Up to bed. Come on, come on.

What is going on?

You don't need a Rubik's Cube to go to bed.

After TV, after radio, would you do a couple of questions for BBC Scotland live?

Please can you wash your hands and face?Maybe.

That's not really the answer I was hoping for. Rather like the exit poll, in fact.

Well, you've said it. It's clearly a terrible night for the Conservatives.

We're down, supposedly, at about 130 seats.

There's no way of describing this as anything other than a bad night for the Conservative Party.

It's landed on orange. What?

It's landed on orange.Great, it's gonna be a Lib Dem landslide.

We can't wait. Just please be gone.

And I'm afraid I think the Conservative Party took its core vote for granted,

which is why you see so many people

who may have voted Conservative previously going off to Reform.

Look, I see what you've said about it on your programme earlier,

I will wait and see. But the votes are being counted

or at least verified while we speak

and we will know in the early hours.

So, as the Earl of Oxford and Asquith used to say, "Wait and see."

Hello?

Hello, Margaret, it's Helena.

Yeah, of course he is.

No, no, no, wait until the count.

Jacob. You can never send a camera.

At that point I realised they could when they wanted to.It's Margaret.

Oh, it's Margaret. Aha.

Mrs Brewer.

Hello.

This call is probably a bit early in the evening

but I thought I'd just better call you

and just let you know what's going on. Yes, where are we?

Well, at the moment,

we've sampled 6,000 votes. Mmm-hmm.

Labour has got 39%

and you've got 34%.

Oh, okay. And Reform has got 13%.

Right, yes.We can't really see where they're keeping the boxes,

so it's all a bit sort of, you know...

But that's a pretty thorough sample and that's a pretty clear margin. It is.

And it hasn't changed in the last half an hour.

Okay. Okay. Which is why I decided to phone you.

No, no, I'm glad you did. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'll phone you again. Thank you.Bye, Jacob.Bye. Bye.

Not good news. Not good news. Labour comfortably ahead.

And Reform taking a big vote share. Hmm.So, there we go.

If this is the end, I feel quite sad about it because...

...it's a rotten way to lose.

I should think he'd be very sad.

He enjoys it. He loves being an MP.

It's like being told you're not wanted anymore.

It's, er, it's very difficult.

Very difficult for an individual to accept

and put on a brave face, I think.

Even though he knows it could happen at any time,

the reality, I think, is something completely different.

I think it's a... a bitter pill to swallow.

Right, are you coming? Yup, I certainly am.

Onwards and upwards. I've put my bag down somewhere.

I don't know where I could have put it.You went into the kitchen.

Yes. Um...

We need to go. No, I really want my bag.

I'm not going without my bag. I'm not going without my bag. Please, I just had it somewhere.

I had it in here and my phone. I've no idea.

I've no idea where it is but we do now need to go. Um, I just want to find my bag.

It's like white cream. I've looked in there, I can't see it.

I'll check I haven't left it upstairs with Mary maybe.

Helena, I'm going now. I'm coming!

Come along, otherwise you can drive yourself.

Found it.

Anyone would think there's an election!We'll start the verification process now.

Barmy Brunch, The Official Monster Raving Loony Party, 211.

Paul McDonald, Reform UK, 7,424.

Jacob William Rees-Mogg, Conservative Party candidate,

15,430.

Dan Norris, Labour Party,

20,739.

And I hereby declare that Dan Norris, Labour Party,

is duly elected to serve as Member of Parliament for the North East Somerset and Hanham constituency.

Thank God we knew it was coming. You know, Starmergeddon,

um, Labour landslide, Conservative train crash, whatever.

But you just have to get on with it.

That's democracy for you.

And one final thought

from Caractacus Potts,

and that is, "From the ashes of disaster

grow the roses of success."

So, thank you very much, everybody, and good night.

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success.

Now that Jacob sadly lost his seat,

he obviously won't be going into parliament anymore.

Are you all right?

What else he does next, I'm not sure.

And I don't even know whether HE is sure.

Look at those. Oh, yes.

We've gone on holiday by mistake.

You have to wriggle your shoulders and then you sound very French. Uh-huh-huh-huh.

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success.

I can certainly spend more time with the children.

For me, coming from West Somerset...

Any brave souls for homemade cider?

Oh, it's bloody lovely, innit!

Plotting the next move?

Lord no!

That comes next week.