Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

What's your best offer?

I can go down to one seven. Any lower and I'm losing money.

- It's a '68, right? - Late '68.

You're selling it for 4,000 Francs more than the Argus though.

Leather interior, radio, new tyres, I can sell it for 20,000 Francs.

That car has a new coat of paint.

You can see it for yourself, sir, it's new.

- It's eight years old. - I'm telling you it's new.

- She's done 90,000 km. - The motor's been replaced, it's new.

That's also new? If everything's new, then you should sell it for an extra million.

I'm responsible for all the cars on sale in this garage.

I'm just offering you this assurance.

I'll take it... for one five.

- One seven, no less. - No, no, that's way too much.

No, I can't.

The side-skirts need to be replaced and it doesn't even have S tyres.

- They're Ts. - Here, look at the rubber.

- It's completely burned. - I can have the rubber changed.

This car's not in a good state.

- Are you in a hurry? - No, take all the time you need.

- Could we go for a test drive? - Right now?

Yes, would that be a problem?

Are you buying a car today?

No, I'm looking to buy a kilo of carrots.

What are you doing?

I'm driving, otherwise let's not bother with a test drive.

- Could we go up to the motorway junction? - Sure.

Could Mr Jacques please make his way to the workshop?

- I don't understand. - It's the bearings.

The gearbox needs to be replaced.

- Mr Kloukzenski, could you come over? - Yes.

Indeed, this car's really new.

Who checked the motor on this car?

Mr Lambert was due to head south with his Chevrolet.

- But he can't, he's flying. - Right.

He'd like us to drop it off near Cannes for 5pm tomorrow Sunday.

- Right. - No one's available.

- You'd have to leave in an hour. - I can't.

He's an important client and I've agreed.

No, I've told you I can't.

It's bad timing, my wife's waiting for me to go to Dunkerque tonight.

I promised, so I'm counting on you.

I'm not a driver.

He's waiting for an answer.

- Are you doing it? - I'm not.

Are you going to do me this favour? Are you going to help me or not?

- You've got some nerve. - Excuse me?

Right, so the gearbox is dead, there's a couple things on the bodywork

but I'll take it as it is.

But for less than the price of the Argus.

I didn't ask you to go faster.

Could you tell me why you're going faster?

Are you waiting for me to open your door?

Why not?

- Are you kidding? - Just as much as you.

Tomorrow, 5pm, don't be late.

Don't forget to get it washed before you drop it off.

Make sure it's immaculate.

- Ah! Here you are, Klouk. - Yes.

I'm ready. I'll be right there.

- Is that what you're wearing? - Yes, you don't like it?

I do, it's beautiful.

I've forgotten your razor, could you grab it?

Hurry up, what are you doing?

- What's wrong? - I can't go.

What do you mean, you can't go?

Messager's asked me for a favour

and I've got to do it if I don't want to lose my job.

I had a feeling.

These things only ever happen to you.

I had a feeling you wouldn't come.

- Right. - Yes, right.

Every time there's something that makes me happy

something important for me, you're not there, you're elsewhere.

It's as if you were doing it on purpose.

It's just your parents' silver wedding anniversary--

It's got nothing to do with that!

I'm always waiting for you.

We're never together, never.

I had to, there was no one else that could do it.

That's just perfect.

Don't worry, it doesn't matter.

Let go of me!

You're pathetic.

That's right, do your job. It's the right thing to do.

- Hello, Mrs Langlois. - Hello.

- Is Philippe around? - Yes, he's at the back of the room.

Thank you.

We got along quite well. We spoke about music.

He played the clarinet.

- Did he suffer? - Oh, yes, that he did.

I've got a proposal for you.

Take me quickly to my class, I'm really late.

Well, breathe faster. You don't need an hour to breathe.

- I don't know, I feel out of breath. - No, no, no, no, no.

You need to work on your breath, that way, you won't be tired.

Let's go.

Give me some joie de vivre!

Your eyes look sad!

- Let's go a bit higher. - My throat is scratchy, I'm struggling.

- There's always something wrong. - I can't go higher.

No, no, no, that's not it, what's wrong is you don't work on it every day.

When someone has a voice like yours, they need to work on it.

You can't continue as a nurse.

That won't do.

What else can we do?

You can ask your classmates, they'll agree with me.

- There's nothing else to do. - But I can't...

- You have to warm up before singing. - Yes... That's what I do.

Before getting here, before coming to class, you can warm up with a few exercises at home.

- And then-- - I can't.

With the health issues I've got

I've seen dozens of doctors, not one has told me the same thing.

One told me I needed surgery, another said it was in my head...

- It's the next on the left. - I don't trust them.

I was telling myself, "That's it, that's life,

that's what you need to do to get better." But...

I'm not sure, it worries me a lot.

Shit.

Put your seatbelt on.

I'll have to get it washed when we get down south

so it arrives in an impeccable state, just like it is now.

- Hello. - Thank you.

Put it in the glove compartment.

- We get along well. - Yes.

- We've got nothing to say but we get along. - Exactly.

It might be your moustache that I'm into.

That must be it.

Honk! Honk! Honk!

You want to save money, you're cutting back, I get that.

You want to sell cream of chervil soup

but it looks like dog food.

You can't complain.

I did what I had to do, I'm not responsible for this.

That being said, you owe me money and you're going to pay up.

- Yes, on the 15th. Today's the 12th. - I need it.

- It's not even for me, it's for Camille. - Camille? She doesn't want to see you.

- I don't care, I have a son. - Do you know why she won't see you?

- I don't care, I want to see my son. - We'll look at that in Paris.

- I want her address right now. - I don't have it, Madeleine does.

I'll tell you straight away if you don't give me Camille's address

I'll call the... the taxman and I'll report you to them.

- What? - What do you mean "what"?

Have you seen your books? Talk about cooking the books...

- You're not even declared. - Right, I'd forgotten about that.

So I'll also be calling the taxman to tell them you don't declare me.

- Then you'll be in the shit. - I knew you weren't the right man for her.

Right, OK.

- Leave that alone. - For fuck's sake, shut up!

What a pain in the arse.

I don't work for free.

I'm not a boy scout.

Enough is enough.

Huh. Aix-en-Provence.

I could've searched a while.

Ah, look at you two.

Look at the mess my daughter's gotten herself into.

I'll tell you something, René, you pissed her off for 20 years.

Enough is enough.

She's no longer your daughter, she's my wife.

- You no longer wear your wedding ring. - Go on, get out of here.

Are you going to Paris?

Are you going to Paris?

- Where are we dropping him off? - Huh?

- Where are we dropping him off? - Porte de la Chapelle.

Have you seen the traffic on the ring road?

Why don't you go through Paris?

I'll give you a shortcut, you'll gain at least half an hour.

So, Gare du Nord, Chatelet, Denfert-Rochereau to the A6 motorway.

You have an ashtray, there.

- Can I buy you a drink? - Sure, why not.

- Charlie, my best friend! - Robert, my best friend!

- How is my little sister? - I'm good. How are you, big guy?

- I'm good. - Good evening.

- What are you drinking? - Perrier with a slice of lemon.

- I'll have a half. - OK.

- Should we have dinner? - No, we're in a hurry.

My treat. Robert, could you set a table for them?

- No, no. - No problem.

Yes, I'll just go up to my apartment.

- Give me five minutes. - We need to eat somewhere.

- Could I make a phone call? - Right, and then first left after the bar.

Thanks.

- You good? - All good.

Careful, it's not dry yet.

Go to your right.

No, to your right!

- My right? That's my left! - Your left.

- Where do I go from here? - Straight ahead.

And now, jump.

- Did you get your dole money? - Not yet, it's driving me mad.

Don't worry. It'll look really good once it's finished.

- Once it's finished? - The walls. I'm not painting the ceiling.

Right, you're not painting the ceiling?

- How much do I owe you? - Don't worry about it.

- No! No! - Yes, yes, yes.

No, we share the rent, so we should share the cost of paint.

- Have you been seeing blue for a while? - Two days. Do you like it?

Yes, a lot. It looks really good.

It's bright.

I'm going to have dinner downstairs. You coming?

- OK. - Shit!

What are you having?

- Pork chop? - No.

- Steak? - No.

- Fish? - No.

Get stuffed then!

The next day, it started to run so I thought that was it.

- Because the membrane is inflamed... - Yeah.

...so it's less sensitive.

I was in Lille, I must've been 19

and I saw something blue on my thing.

Yeah.

I went to the hospital, the nurse scratches it with a gauze

and she says, "Syphilis. Go to the fifth floor."

14 months of treatment, cyanide and penicillin.

Can you believe it?

That's mad.

When I was your age, syphilis lasted seven years.

The guy was done.

- Seven years without getting laid, imagine. - You didn't get laid for 14 months?

No, you're all good after two weeks.

I was lucky, I just broke mine, with Marie.

There was blood everywhere, I thought she was on her period.

But what happened was the ligament had torn and there was blood all over the bed.

Mine's got nothing to do with that, it's really personal.

I'd rather not talk about it, it's quite special and it bums me out.

You're not the burping kind, are you?

I do, but when it happens, I'm lucky enough to remember to cover my mouth with my hand.

Right and when you fart, do you cover your arse with your hand?

Ah.

Sit down.

You're not going to kiss me?

Please.

Hah, you little sod.

I don't want Julien to get cheated on.

You're really handsome at the moment.

It's true.

I heard you're a ladies' man.

I'm jealous. I really am.

Yeah, well I never did that when we were together.

I was always faithful.

That's right, faithful just like your dad.

Here you go.

You didn't break it, did you?

I'm sure you took naked pictures with it.

You haven't changed.

No, but because we had taken a lot of pictures together

you perhaps wanted to take some more.

Maybe he took your picture.

Is this Parisian guy a good photographer?

- Did you spread your legs? - What about you, not gay yet?

Oh, please, I shagged you for four years.

Stop it.

That's a fact, I shagged you for four years.

For four years, I shagged you.

- Robert! - What's up?

Could you plug the phone in for me?

What is it, you want to speak to your muse? I'll plug it in for you.

Do you mind?

Stop worrying.

It's been three months.

You're bumming me out.

You're not doing anything, nothing is changing.

I can't do anything, Charles.

- Do you trust me? - No.

Listen to me...

Do you remember?

- Can you walk me to the subway station? - I can't...

- Muah... muah... muah... - No, stop that.

- Muah... muah... muah... - Please, stop. Don't be a bitch.

If you still love me, stop it.

Stop seducing me, I can't handle it.

We've not changed, we'll never change.

If you're free when you come back up to Paris, give me a call.

I'm sure you won't call.

You'd do it on purpose.

Goodbye.

- You're not saying goodbye? - Yes.

Bye, Charlotte.

- See you. - Don't be sad.

Have some faith.

How did it go?

She gave me the camera back.

We need to go, Philippe.

Let's say bye and go.

We're off, we're in a rush.

- Nice to meet you. - Bye.

- Bye. - Goodbye.

- Thank you. - For?

- For dinner. - No, it's the least I could do.

- Do you mind if we go now? - No problem, we're ready.

- I'm sorry, it's a two-person trip only. - That's right.

I'm not sure about that.

Do you perhaps need a lift somewhere?

- Ah! He's got it. - Where?

We're hesitating.

Let's go with Aix-en-Provence.

Right. Seriously, we're off.

He's right. Seriously, let's go.

- Yes. - It's no longer funny. I'm serious.

I'm very, very serious.

And I'm very, very nervous.

And I'm very, very mean.

Do we need to fight you to get out of the car?

Alright.

Charlotte could've come over to say hi.

Let me buy you a coffee.

Four coffees, please.

Do you have any coins?

Hello?

Hello?

Marie? Am I waking you?

Yes, you're waking me.

Where have you been?

- I've been trying to reach you for two days. - I wasn't here.

You weren't around. That's all?

Well no, I wasn't there. I wasn't there.

- Where were you? - Can you call me back tomorrow?

Or a little later, or another day, please?

I'm really tired.

I'm really tired, I have to get up early tomorrow.

Are you kidding me?

Don't yell.

- You're seriously taking the piss right now. - Don't yell! Don't yell or I'm hanging up.

- So it's really over? - Listen...

I thought we both agreed it was over.

We talked about it.

That's it, it's over.

Listen, I'm not OK right now. I'm on the motorway with Charles.

I don't even know what I'm doing.

I don't have any money.

You're complaining again.

Seriously, you've got to stop.

The day you'll stop playing the victim...

You're not the only one with problems.

I have my own shit to deal with, look around, everybody does.

Could I have a glass of water, please?

Thank you.

Do you have any aspirin?

Thank you very much.

And a teaspoon would be great, please.

And some sugar.

Are you mad?

- I should do the same thing to your face. - Go on, then!

This isn't my car.

I'm only a driver.

I'm just like you.

I'm working and you're assaulting me.

Do you want to know why I hit your car?

Arsehole!

Because you're taking off with my papers!

That's true, we shouldn't do that. Let's give him his papers.

Here you go.

- Don't touch me! - Are you happy now? You have your papers.

Don't do anything stupid.

Stop being an idiot. It's useless. It's not worth it.

Daniel?

Hello?

Daniel?

There are four coffees to pay, sir.

Who's going to pay for those coffees?

They're not mine to pay. Plus, your coffee really tastes like shit.

Hah! That's something.

You couldn't make it up.

Not only do you not want to pay for your coffees

you shove me, and you're also rude to the waiter.

Eat your croque monsieur and leave me alone.

Mind your own business.

Watch your mouth! Watch your mouth!

What's going on here, gentlemen?

What's wrong, Roland?

This man needs to pay for four coffees

his friends are in the big car out front

- I don't understand-- - That's right, sir!

I witnessed it all.

- Me too! - Everybody, calm down.

I'll be right back, Roland.

You'll pay for those coffees.

- So, who's going to pay for those coffees? - You're not going to move?

I'm not moving.

You're not afraid?

Go for it, I've got balls of steel.

So, gentlemen, who's paying for the coffees?

- The what? - The coffees that you had inside.

Come on, Klouk, weren't you inviting us for coffee?

Right, sorry, I forgot about them.

It's all well and good saying sorry

but go and pay for your coffees

and get out of here or I'm calling the police.

- Stop that! - Dammit!

Stop it! Stop it!

Go on, get out of here!

Get the hell out of here!

Get the hell out of here!

I'm stopping at the next motel.

I suppose you have your little bed and your little duvet

with your little wife in little Lille

in the little North.

- Philippe, should we share a room? - You're paying because you can expense it.

Yes... yes.

What is he doing?

Are you looking for a bed to sleep in or a bed to die in?

Could you keep it down? We're already in bed.

Perhaps you hadn't noticed.

And don't forget the pastries in the morning.

Thank you.

It's full, let's try the next one.

Hey, it's not safe, Daniel!

- Leave me alone. - Are you mad?

You're scaring me.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Well, you can put it there...

Please.

It's my shirt.

There's no lock and there's no toilet paper either.

- Can you wait in front of the door? - Yeah, alright.

Do you know the story of the guy who bought himself a thunder pot?

- A thunder pot? - Yes, a loo.

Very cute.

It's my sister.

I'd do her.

It's funny, I thought you had lady problems.

- That's what I thought. - How would you know?

Just a feeling, I thought you weren't very well.

No way, it's a girl I'm seeing at the moment.

Really?

She's nice, really nice.

She can't get enough of me.

Why do you keep her picture?

She's completely addicted.

- I've got her. - Right, of course.

I love breakfast

but I only eat breakfast when... when I travel.

Do you like breakfast?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

What do you think about having an English breakfast?

I'm not hungry.

What do you think?

We could order scrambled eggs, a little coffee, a little glass of juice

toast with marmalade on top.

Sound good?

Do you know how much it costs to have a little coffee, a little glass of juice

and toast with lots of marmalade on top?

- 14 Francs, that's not a lot. - Well, I don't have that.

I only have 23 Francs left.

- Is that it? - Yes.

For the whole journey for my friend Daniel and me.

You're kidding.

You don't have any money on you?

- Don't let it spoil your appetite. - I don't have any money.

- And that's funny? - I don't have any money.

Easy for you to say, but we feel uncomfortable now.

I'm not asking for anything

I just want a coffee and a slice of bread with butter.

We can sit elsewhere if you want.

I'm not even hungry any more.

You can nosh on food in front of us.

Right, so an English breakfast then?

I'll have eggs with bacon, orange juice, a tea with milk, and toast.

He's not bothered at all.

We'll share. We can give them a little bit.

But I'm telling you straightaway, I can't lend you any money.

- Why are you saying that? - I'm just saying.

But could you maybe buy me a hot chocolate for example?

I'll buy it for you, I can buy it for you if you want.

So neither of you work? You don't earn any money?

Yes, we earn money.

- Well, where is it then? - What do you mean, idiot?

We left on Saturday, it wasn't planned, the bank is closed

I don't have a cheque book or any cash, that's it.

OK, it's on me, my treat.

It's ridiculous, you're not going to spend your money on us.

Yes, yes.

- Well, if you really want to... - Let's do it. I'll be right back.

- Go ahead, order. - Alright.

I'm not very hungry, but I'd like a nice hot chocolate...

with slices of toast...

with orange marmalade...

And a little side of sauerkraut?

The countryside is beautiful.

It's even more beautiful from my bedroom window.

I'll be upfront, I need money.

I had some in this pocket but when I bent down...

the notes fell out when I bent down.

So I'll get naked, I'll shower in front of you

but don't touch me.

- You believe me for the money, right? - Even if it isn't true, it'd be my pleasure.

That's perfect.

Thank you.

Where's this breakfast?

Keep an eye on the exit.

No luck?

Yeah, no.

It's weird though because I really thought I needed to piss when you got up earlier.

- Oh really? - Yeah.

Nose hair scissors.

Could you please not look at me?

- Hello. - Fill 'er up, please.

- Super? - Yes.

- You coming? - Yeah.

We're going to defecate.

- They're a bit annoying. - They're so crude.

- They're maybe doing it to provoke us. - Yeah.

Do you think they're good friends?

- They're quite strange. - I wonder if they even like each other.

Did you see his wallet?

What, is it empty?

No, it's made of plastic.

The car as well.

You're such a dick.

- The other one doesn't seem OK. - He's completely mad is what he is.

- He does make me want to help him though. - He's a lost cause!

True, he's just like a child.

Don't tell me you only wore it once.

You wore the blue and yellow stripy one twice and the sky-blue one once.

Stop taking the piss!

I only wore the sky-blue one once! That's it.

- I swear on my life. - Stop it.

My arse, your life...

Here, do you want to see it again?

Show me again.

I've already told you I can't stand it when you wear my underwear!

- Look. - What?

I bought it a week ago at the flea market so it's not yours.

The blonde one is...

Do you think?

Oh, yes.

I wonder if the other one does drugs.

I don't care about that as much.

No, no, he doesn't do drugs.

He doesn't do drugs?

You're such a loser.

I'm disappointed in you.

I'll tell you what...

What about me, I don't get any? Am I a dick? Do I smell of petrol?

You've got some nerve.

You're a dick cos I was feeling good, really good. And all of a sudden--

- You were high-- - You're really making me trip out.

I'm making you trip out... Well, stop touching my underwear.

Get in.

- We've got time, get in. - No.

No?

If I had known, I would've left on my own.

If your little wife had been with you, you'd never have picked me up.

You're making me sad.

Hey, you were a lot more fun when you were single.

- Now, you're just like a zombie. - Yes, but at least I'm happy.

Every day when I wake up, I'm just as happy, mate.

I'm going to church in Milly-Lamartine.

Right, you're going to church in Milly-Lamartine?

Yes, I'm going to church in Milly-Lamartine.

This is where the author Lamartine grew up.

"Inanimate objects, so do you have a soul

that is attached to our soul and our strength to love?"

"Donated by the Mâcon Tourist Office 1948".

And when I was young, I spent my holidays next door, here.

Wow, what a fancy house you have.

It looks lovely.

- Goodbye, ladies. - Listen to this...

"Soon, a stranger who is unknown to the village

will arrive, gold in hand, ready to seize this place".

That's not bad.

♪ Soon, a stranger ♪

Hello, backup singers?

♪ A stranger, a stranger ♪

♪ Who is unknown to the village ♪

♪ The village, the village ♪

♪ Will arrive, gold in hand, wooh ♪

♪ Gold in hand, gold in hand ♪

♪ Ready to seize this place ♪

♪ Seize this place, seize this place ♪ - Go on, bend your knees, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The body of Christ.

The body of Christ.

♪ The Lord has loved us more than we have ever loved ♪

♪ He guides us each day like a star in the night ♪

♪ As we share the bread he shares his love ♪

♪ It's the bread of friendship, the bread of God ♪

The body of Christ.

♪ This is my body ♪

♪ Take it and eat it ♪

♪ This is my blood ♪

♪ Take it and drink it ♪

♪ Because I am life ♪

♪ And I am love ♪

♪ Oh, my Lord, carry us... ♪

♪ ...in your heart ♪ - Hey.

Hey, the vicar said to shut it.

♪ ...has loved us more than we have ever loved ♪

♪ We had been gifted a child that night in Bethlehem... ♪

The body of Christ.

I don't care about the Church.

I believe in spirituality.

What you don't understand is that some people have faith.

Faith in what? What is faith?

What is it? You don't have it, little Daniel.

Me? I can have faith.

I like wine.

I have faith in wine.

Oh, me too.

People who believe in God but don't believe in people make me laugh.

But believing in God means believing in people.

- So, I'm God. - Of course you are.

So tell me you believe in me, don't talk to me about God.

I believe in you, there you go, I believe in you.

When people take the time to know me, they quickly realise I'm a God, right?

♪ I don't believe in Elvis ♪ - No?

Sit your arse down on the ground at night during a full moon

when the sky is clear

and look up at the stars.

That's when you understand what "infinite" means.

Klouk has extraordinary calves, just look at them.

- It's true, your calves are extraordinary. - Oh!

Yes, you have wonderful hair.

You have soft skin, very soft skin, and very tanned.

- Stop it. - I wonder how he does it.

I'm always tanned.

It's a wonderful thing, massaging another man's calves.

Who wants a little treat?

Here you go, Klouk.

- Do you want some? - No, thanks.

Flies, everywhere.

- What did you say? - There are flies everywhere.

Yes, yes, it's a fly party!

He wiped my back then gave me 100 Francs.

Yes.

There was no way I could refuse to fuck him hard like that.

Absolutely, if only out of honesty.

What I love, Charles, is climaxing.

In anything, in any arse.

And for any price.

I won't be doing that again.

I'll tell you what, to each their own.

Nevertheless, it's very hot to get paid for it.

No doubt.

Huh?

Charles, do we let him drive?

Klouk?

Don't move.

Don't get out of the car, I'll back out.

They're just kids.

- Hurry up. - Shit, the car won't start.

Bastards.

You need 150g of sugar,

150g of flour,

six whole eggs,

50g of butter,

you whisk it together until it's at the ribbon stage,

then you add your gram of charas.

- Charas? - Yes, charas.

Because charas lightens the... the dough.

Are you having any trouble digesting?

No.

No?

What did we eat? Saucisson, bananas...

It could be the smell of eggs. Is that not doing anything for you?

Nothing?

Indeed, he's looking very pale.

He's very pale.

Hey.

Hey.

What's wrong?

Why are you laughing?

We're not laughing, we're smiling

because your friend swallowed some pollen in that field.

What do you mean, pollen?

We just added un poquito hash to his pudding.

- It's no problem. - Yeah, right, no problem.

- It's not a big problem. - Yeah, sure.

You little shitheads.

You're real shitheads.

Close the door.

I'm cold.

I feel like there are two hands inside my head on fire.

I'm cold.

Don't worry, hash isn't dangerous.

- It's not dangerous? - No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

It's not deadly, but it's dangerous.

Bastards.

If anyone's listening...

You don't know what can happen, you're idiots.

I'm cold.

You're cold because you're freaking out, don't freak out, Klouk.

It'll all be over in five minutes.

You'll feel great, you'll be high.

No, no, no, don't mess around.

- I'm really unwell, look, I'm cold. - No, you just feel like you're cold.

- Would you like us to tell you a story? - Yes, yes, go ahead.

- Imagine... - Yes.

- You're naked... - Yes.

- In water... You're swimming in water. - Yes.

The water is clear, warm...

- Are you enjoying yourself? - Yes, I am, yes.

- Careful! - What?

- A shark! - No!

- Are you mad? - Stop it, guys, stop it.

Daniel, don't be a dick, he's going to freak out.

- It's not funny, don't, don't be mean. - Be serious.

- OK, give me your little hands, come on. - No, no...

- OK, there are no sharks. It's all over. - No, no...

Give me your little hands, I'm going to tell you a story.

- So, you're in water... - Yes.

- It's pure and it's warm. - Yes.

You're swimming, you're moving around in this turquoise water.

- Are you feeling good? - Yes, I am.

Good, so you're enjoying the water and you slightly open your mouth.

- Yes. - And then...

You swallow a jellyfish!

You're so mean!

Come on, there are no jellyfish.

Don't worry, little one. Look...

- Charles is going to give you a little flower. - No...

Look at Charles's little flower.

- You don't get it. - Here you go, a little flower.

No, no, stop, stop, I feel really unwell.

I feel truly unwell.

I'm going to die, guys.

I'm going to... I'm going to die.

I'm going to die.

Philippe...

This is a shit car to drive!

"Old France steeped in history, scarred by wars and revolutions

coming and going...

coming and going relentlessly from greatness to decline

but revived from century to century..."

"By the genius of renewal."

- Yes, that's it. - That's it.

Yes, yes.

"You say you love flowers, but you cut off their stalks...

Now, you say you love me...

but I'm afraid."

Meh...

Tell me, doesn't it bother you that my nose is right next to your feet?

If you want, I can move my nose.

"The Five Cornered Square".

It suits you, reading The Five Cornered Square.

It annoys you when I say that, doesn't it?

It pisses you off, doesn't it?

You can't answer that!

Yeah, you don't realise, Klouk.

Chill, Charles!

Chill!

Hello, yes?

Yes, ah... I... I was expecting your call, yes.

Yes, Mr Lambert, yes...

Well no, actually, I'd gone out for a wee.

No, I'd gone out for a wee!

I even took the opportunity to drop off Mr Black.

So that's why I wasn't there.

No, I told you... I told you I went for a wee

and I took that opportunity to drop off Mr Black, Mr Lambert.

I went for a poo, if you prefer.

I feel a lot better now.

That's right.

No...

No, I'm not the one driving,

I'm being... I'm being chauffeured around, my friend

I'm being chauffeured around, I wouldn't tire myself out and drive.

The pilot is one of my sweethearts.

And I'm just taking off, I'm just taking off...

Ah, you find it crazy?

But hey, life is crazy!

Yes.

No need to get annoyed...

No, don't... get annoyed...

Listen, I'll shave my moustache off if we're not on time.

Alright?

There we go.

Listen, I'm going to have to leave you because I still have a long way to go.

So, yeah...

I forgot to tell you earlier, about Mr Black...

Mr Yellow goes right on top!

And don't worry too much about the automobile!

It'll get there on time, don't worry.

Poor little Bertie.

Bye now, little Bertie!

I can't... I can't drive... I can't...

Fill 'er up with super, please.

- Where's the tank? - Just behind, there.

- Could I make a phone call, please? - Yes, sir. Where are you calling?

- Aix-en-Provence. - You can dial directly.

- Here is the phone. - This one?

- Yes. - Thank you.

Hello?

Hello, could I speak to Camille, please?

Her husband.

Thank you.

Hello, Camille?

Hi.

It's me.

The one and only.

Yeah.

Not bad, and you, how do you do?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not far from Aix.

I'm very close.

I'm driving through.

Look, I'd like to see the kid. Would that be possible?

Huh?

What?

That doesn't change the fact that he needs to see me.

Well, Camille, that's what you think and I'm sorry I don't agree with that.

Right, I see, I'm not allowed to come by.

Is that right?

I do not care that you don't give a damn, Camille.

Do you hear me?

In any case, I'm stopping by. Later.

- How much to I owe you, please? - Four Francs, sir.

- There you go. - Thank you, sir.

If you want, I can lend you The Five Cornered Square?

Now's not the time to piss me off, Daniel.

Watch out.

- You don't scare me. - I'm just advising you to be afraid.

It's not my fault if you have problems with your wife.

- How much is it to call Paris? - Eight Francs.

- Eight Francs? - Yes.

The car smells of eggs, do you have any chicks?

No, there are no chicks.

Klouk?

Could you give me a rag, please?

- Klouk. - Yes?

Could you lend me 50 Francs?

- Would you like me to do it? - No, I'm good.

Why? Do you want cigarettes?

Do you want to drink something?

- No, I want to go back to Paris. - Right now?

Right now.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

That's it, you're going to leave us?

Are you going to lend them to me or not?

Here you go.

I leave you this as a guarantee. OK?

I'll give them to you.

- Thank you. - But you're staying.

It's a fake.

How annoying, I'd really like him to wee.

I forgot his dish, so I'm worried he'll go on me in the car.

- What's his name? - Fifi.

Ah. Fifi!

You're a nice cat, Fifi.

Oh, he's very friendly.

Hurry up, Fifi, I also need to pee. Come on, now.

Hurry up, now. We have to go.

- Stop it! Oh... - Oh, dear!

- He looks quite nervous. Is it the road? - Stop it.

♪ I've seen those of the Czechs and the Patagonians ♪

♪ The pipes of the Aztecs and of the Mongolians ♪

♪ But never have I ever seen the tip of a Papuan pipe ♪

♪ The Papuans weren't polite, impolite Papuan pipe ♪

♪ The resigned merchant managed a market stall ♪

♪ When one night as an observant he attended in the hall ♪

♪ Eighty Papuan unions ♪

♪ Troubled by his emotions, with a pale face he yelled his delusions ♪

♪ I saw them in the flesh! ♪

Do you want one?

♪ I saw the Papuan pipes, their tips as well as their holes ♪

Another one for the road?

♪ They don't resemble the Zulu's, sadly they're just like ours ♪

♪ What I had in my head was a crazy shape and line ♪

♪ Like that of a shovelhead or even a landmine ♪

- A nougat of Montélimar? - No.

- Are you sure? - I'm sure.

♪ There is no need for this Papuan pipe ♪

♪ What we have at home is our own type ♪

♪ It's a terrible habit, this habit we have ♪

♪ To always want what we don't have ♪

Evenin'.

Good evening.

Mr Philippe's car is ready.

Very well, Joseph. Did you check everything?

- Yes, everything is ready. - Perfect.

- Thank you. - I'll give you two minutes to say goodbye.

Thank you very much, Joseph.

- Bye now. - Goodbye.

- Here you go. - No, thanks.

Was it expensive?

- 50 Francs. - You've got money, don't you?

Baby!

I wish you a very good trip.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Goodbye!

The other day, I was staying over at a girlfriend's place.

I was drunk and she was ill.

She had indigestion.

I wanted to do her but I couldn't

because she was in such a state.

So, I had a wank.

I was so drunk

I fell asleep mid-wank.

I swear.

I once fell asleep mid-shag.

It's true.

I was a bit tired, I was taking her from behind

and I ended up snoring on her.

It's an incredible feeling to stay inside a woman and to fall asleep.

It's incredible because your penis slowly shrinks out.

If she sneezes though, your dick falls out.

What a nutter.

Look at how amused Klouk is.

Nutter.

Klouk?

Do you ever have dirty sex?

Sometimes.

I can't see it.

That's because I'm a mysterious man.

I can't picture you going, "Bitch, get your arse on that table."

You've never flipped a woman on an armchair, have you?

- Flipped? - Yeah, flipped on an armchair.

You take her calves and you make love to her.

So, you take the stool, you get behind...

- The stool? - Yes.

You stand up and you make love to her.

You make love to her.

"Are you alright, bitch, don't move, here I come."

OK, fine...

I don't know... Fine... I made it up.

I made it up.

There is one position that's seriously really good

and I always enjoy it.

I think I do it quite well.

I take the girl into my arms

and I drop her on my dick.

- I let go of her on top of my dick. - How?

I hold onto her thighs, she's up against me like that...

Sat down?

I'm standing and she's sat down.

And bam!

I ring her like a bell.

That must hurt her.

But really what turns me on the most

is from behind

very simple

with her bum up in the air.

Now, that's good!

I absolutely cannot shag anyone like that.

- Why? - It immediately makes me come.

Me too.

When a girl lifts her bum up in front of me and that she shows me her pussy...

She has to show me her pussy, though.

And you grab a big handful of her boobs.

Seriously though, that's how you end up with kids.

You don't have any kids?

- Me? - Yeah.

No.

You don't like kids, do you?

I like them, but I can't have any.

Something wrong with your testes?

I got a spermogram done and I'm 100% sterile.

So I'll never have any kids.

Go on, you're dying to show us pictures of your kid.

- Not at all. - Yeah, right!

- You're such a dick. - Come on.

Alright guys, if you insist.

I'll show you some pictures of my son.

He's not an uggo.

Here you go.

Wow. Here you go, Klouk.

- I've never seen that one, is it new? - Yes.

He's 42 km away from here.

Take the first right, then the road to Cadenet

and we're there.

No, after what happened with Lambert, I can't afford to be late.

I have to make up for it.

You've got 15 minutes, that's it.

Don't bother, Daniel.

Why?

You know you've never liked Camille.

Fine, go on then!

Philippe, are you coming?

Are you coming?

- Tell me, are my jeans dirty? - No, you're alright.

- Are you sure? - Yeah.

- And behind? - Perfect.

- All good? - Yeah.

- Except you've got a spot on your nose. - Where?

- On the right. - There?

- Yeah, there. - Are you kidding?

You're such a dick.

- Hello. - Hello.

I'm here to see Camille.

- Is she there? - No.

Right, she's not there.

She's not there, and we can't reach her...

and all that...

Is that right?

I don't know you, but you can tell Camille that if she pulls another one like this

she'll remember it, yeah?

This is for my son.

You can leave it in her room, end of the corridor.

Camille is tired.

She goes to bed.

"Are you coming, Jean-Loup?"

Can you believe it?

- Are you Jean-Loup? - No, my name's Mark.

Here you go.

Hey!

This is for my son.

Camille can keep working, I'm no longer working with her dad.

I hope you understand that I couldn't let go of that money.

Yeah.

See you.

Daniel!

He's not there?

Daniel!

He went that way.

Get in, we'll pick him up on the way.

Daniel!

Did I scare you?

You're an animal.

Shut up!

Holy cow.

You've got a dent.

Hello, my boy!

Hello.

- Are you good? - Yes.

- Yeah? - Yes.

- Hello. - Jean-Loup.

Charles.

Let me introduce you to my friends.

- This is Philippe. - Hello.

- Hello. - This is Daniel.

- You know Daniel. - Hi.

- Hello. - And that's Klouk.

- Hello. - Hello.

Hello.

Let's have a look at the car.

- It's so nice! - Daddy's car is great, isn't it?

- Hello. - It's American...

- What happened? - ...and automatic.

- I skidded. - What's that?

That? Look. Look at that...

- It's fun, right? - Yeah.

It's not too bad.

You're a bit early.

That's too bad because we were delayed.

Why do you say that?

I say that because you chickened out.

Not at all, I went to buy a few things with Jean-Loup.

Silly moo.

To tell you the truth, I'm very sorry because my friend Philippe and I

kind of wrecked your bedroom...

I mean your bedroom.

- And that's what you call loving me? - No...

It's what I call definitely stopped loving you.

By the way, dare I say

we've estimated the damage.

200 Francs for the bed.

200 Francs for the tapes.

You know?

And 200 Francs for the perfume and the lamp shade.

I don't want your money.

I'll give it to Jean-Loup then.

Not in front of the kid, you know it won't end well.

OK then, I'll go spend it on my big boy.

Excuse me?

I'd like to think you'll let me spend time with him.

I didn't travel 800 km for nothing.

He hasn't had any food, he...

I need to give him a bath, and he barely has any layers on.

He won't be cold.

Plus, he's not sleeping well, I give him syrup almost every night.

Which goes to show he's very happy.

It only proves he's a little nervous.

Should we go?

Yes.

Daddy, is Mummy coming with us in the car?

No, Baby, Mummy isn't coming with us in the car.

You little swine, you think it's easy?

It's not easy.

Charles, I don't have time to take him on a ride.

We're not going on a ride, Klouk!

I have to be at Lambert's in half an hour.

Well, let's go then, hurry up!

It's funny.

- Do you want to eat mine? - Yes.

Go on.

It doesn't put him off.

Ouch!

It hurts like hell.

Holy cow.

Ouch!

He's crazy.

Your kid's crazy.

Look at my hand... Look at that.

Go on, bite me. Bite me.

That's mad!

Ah! Don't do it for real.

- Look at the mark. - Don't do it for real... Ah!

The state of my hand!

Hey, let me see your finger!

- Careful, eh, you can't bite your father. - Yes.

- Do you know who I'm thinking about right now? - Ah!

- No. - Ah!

- Who are you thinking about? - Ah!

You little swine!

Bertie!

Bertie!

- It hurts, right? - Little swine.

Here you go.

- No nougat for you. - Yes!

No nougat for you, Nicolas. You're not having any.

- You can eat the nougat. - Give me that. Do you want another one?

- Yeah? Here you go. - I'll take one.

Ouch!

Give me your finger, I'm going to suck on it.

- No. - I want to put flour...

I want to put flour on it.

- I want to put flour on it. - I got you, didn't I?

- No, we're done now. - You swine.

- Let me eat your fingers. - Can I have one?

Ouch! What an idiot.

Oh, he's gone.

Well...

What's your daddy doing?

- Your daddy's funny, isn't he? - There he is!

There he is!

Hello, yes, give me a second. I've just seen him.

Hold on a second. Charles, it's for you!

Hello, what is it?

No, it's not possible, there's wind and I can't understand anything.

Goodbye, sir.

Goodbye.

Hello!

This one time, I wanted... I wanted to go for a wee.

But the skin of my willy stayed stuck in my zipper.

What?

The skin of my willy stayed stuck in my zipper.

When was that?

- In the last few weeks. - Two or three weeks ago?

- Yes. - With Mummy?

- Yes. - What did Mummy do?

Mummy went to the doctor's

and then the doctor was about to do an injection

around my willy

and I didn't want to so Mummy said to the doctor

"We're going to go to the hospital"

so we went

and the nurses took a pair of scissors

and they cut the zipper

and I thought that... that...

So the zipper stayed stuck to your willy?

No!

I thought that she was going to cut the end of my willy off!

- Could I have a receipt, please? - Here you go.

Daddy, I'm cold!

Well done.

It's 5pm.

Mr Bertie.

Say, "Mr Bertie".

Say, "I'm keeping the moustache, Mr Bertie".

You don't understand?

If you prefer...

"I'm keeping the moustache, Mr Yellow-on-top".

Do you still not understand?

Your boss can explain.

If you can joke easily, you'll surely find work just as easily.

Good.

It's been cleaned.

Get out of here.

Go on, get out of here!

Unemployment.

Daddy, I need to poo.

- What? - I need to poo.

- You need to poo? - Yes.

Give me that.

One second, move to the side...

Up you get.

There we go.

Come on, over here.

- Are you done? - Yes.

- Do you have any paper? - Yeah, just a sec.

Dear, oh dear, that's not very thick.

Wait a minute.

Just a minute, just a minute.

OK.

Don't move. Bend over. There you go.

There we go. Very good.

Here you go.

You're all clean now.

Come on, get up.

- There you go. All better? - Yes.

Where's Mummy?

- What? - Where's Mummy?

Mummy's at home, Baby.

Oh.

With Jean-Loup?

Yes, Baby, with Jean-Loup.

Oh.

Charles, what's your plan?

Our train is in 45 minutes.

Hey...

Yes, we're going back to Mummy's.

Oh.

Are we going to Mummy's?

What is it?

- Are we going to Mummy's? - I told you we're going.

Are we going to Mummy's?

I told you that's where we're going, Nicolas, stop grizzling now.

The train bound for...

...is ready for departure.

Oops.

Here's his toy.

I drew him a...

Look, I drew him a train engine.

Platform one, all aboard, ready for departure.

- Isn't his son cute? - Yeah.

I'd have eight like him.

You can adopt, Joseph!

But I want a big balloon.

- She wants a big balloon. - Is it important for her?

- It's vital. - I see.

- I'll find a way for her to give birth. - Uh-huh.

In a big bed with a man.

- I have the choice between the four of us. - Three, you mean.

That's true.

- One of us doesn't count. - No but, Joseph, are you being serious?

Huh?

You'd be able to choose

one of us just like that?

To give my wife a child?

Yes.

That surprises me.

If it was you...

Could you do it?

I've never seduced her, you know...

I don't know if...

If she would accept?

- Well, yeah. - No doubt about it.

Oh...

Should we roll a spliff?

You know that I never smoke when I'm upset.

You know I'm very upset.

So get off my back.

Please and thank you.

No need to argue.

I'll sort myself out, I heard someone's got a room.

I'll borrow money for the rent I owe you and...

Would you mind if I left my stuff at yours while I sort myself out?

- Charles... - What?

- I don't want to wake you... - It's fine, I'm not sleeping.

Would you be able to have a child with a friend's wife?

Well, I'd definitely be able to shag a friend's wife.

But having... a child... with another guy's wife...

- Why are you asking me that? - No particular reason.

Would I get paid to do it?

What a dick.

I think it's a bit harsh

to have a child with another man

when you have 200,000 sad orphans waiting for a home.

Yeah, but what if you can't have children?

But some are available.

They're ready-made.

She won't even have to give birth, isn't that good?

Some women need to give birth.

Right, Klouk?

Is that what you want?

I think it's vital.

You want to give birth?

What do you think, Daniel?

Hm...

I think it'd be strange to have a child

with another woman if it wasn't really my child.

You see, it's not that simple, Klouk.

So we meet up...

you get on top of her...

you know you won't be able to do everything you want to do

there won't be any emotional attachment so it's a horror show.

- Yeah, yeah. - Well, yeah.

In any case, you know where I am if you change your mind.

To be fair, you've never met Agathe.

Ah...

There we are.

The day you'll meet her...

- Do you think we'll all want her? - All three of you at the same time.

Hey, hey, do you have a picture of her?

Wait a minute, what he just said was very important.

He said all three of us at the same time.

That's not stupid because we can all sleep with her

so we don't have to choose, right?

It's true. Nature will decide for us, guys.

I'm up for it.

What I want, Joseph, you see...

I want a...

a real union...

you know?

No emotional attachment, but tender...

with a gorgeous breakfast the next morning.

OK, stop your nonsense. I'll sort this out.

The four of us will go to Fécamp, I'll make you a chicken curry

we'll put the two lovebirds in the room upstairs...

you know the one where we can hear the sea...

and if they're too noisy, Klouk, I'll play you some guitar.