Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[relaxing beachy music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat jazz music]

- And now back to "The Kelpbed Kids."

- "The Kelpbed Kids" are hilarious.

High four!

[both laugh]

- [cackling]

- Wonder why it's in black and white.

- It's a "artistical" choice.

- All right, Kelpbed Kids.

Youse gonna spill the beans

about where you hide all your candy

in this here clubhouse or else!

- Not to you, Ajax.

- We'll never tell you that it's in the cabinet.

[Kelpbed Kids groan]

Oh. Sorry, gang.

[all grumble]

- Hey, Patrick, don't the Kelpbed Kids

kinda look like people we know?

[glass shatters]

- I don't know any people we know.

[gargles, spits]

Hmm. Eee!

- Oh-ho-ho-ho. The cabinet, you say.

Aha!

all: Hoops? - [belches]

Hi, Ajax.

- It's empty.

I'm gonna give everyone here

and their old man a knuckle sandwich.

- Oh boy! With cheese?

- With cheese.

- Oh, no you don't, you dizzy ding dong.

Hwah!

- Huh?

[lively jazz music]

Whuh?

[laughs]

- Hey, what gives? Let me go.

- You just got hooped.

all: Hoops, Hoops, Hoops, Hoops!

both: Hoops, Hoops, Hoops, Hoops!

- That settles it.

Hoops is our favorite Kelpbed Kid.

Let's get out our official Hoops hoops

that I bought on SeaBay.

- Way ahead of ya, pally.

- Gah! - Hey, mine shrunk.

- Oh, no, Patrick. It's adjustable.

Who says a hoop has to be round?

- Oh, yeah. There's a relaxed-fit button.

Ah.

- Someone wrote all over my hula hoop.

- Hey, there's an address printed on here.

And it's in Bikini Bottom.

Do you think it's where Hoops lives?

Could we? Should we?

- Ring his doorbell and run away?

- No. - Toilet-paper his house?

- No. - Switch out

his regular for decaf?

- No. We can meet him.

- Gotcha.

We can meet him, then toilet-paper his house.

He's gonna need it after the coffee.

[toilet flushing]

- This is it-- where Hoops lives.

- It's a palace.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- I'm too nervous to knock. We don't really know him.

What if he's one of those suffering artist types

who are into witchcraft?

- Or what if he's a cannibal and wants to eat us?

- What if he's a cannibal and doesn't want to eat us?

- We couldn't live with the shame.

[doorknob clicking]

Oh, shh!

both: Run!

- [humming happily]

- Old Man Walker?

What's he doing in Hoops' house?

Maybe we got the wrong house.

- Oh. - Oh.

He's sad that he got no mail. - [chomps]

That's 'cause I got it.

- It's addressed to Hoops. This is the right place.

- Whoa.

The whole house is filled with "Kelpbed Kid" stuff.

- It's just like being in the show.

Come on in. - Don't mind if I do.

- [grunts] What's happening?

[thunderous footsteps]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [snarls]

- [gasps] Is that Hoops?

- Uh, no. It's Old Man Walker again.

Remember? From the mailbox?

- [retches] Oh, yeah.

- Hooligans! Swindlers! Letter looters!

- Oh, we didn't mean any harm!

We just wanted to meet Hoops.

We're fans. - We love Hoops!

- Huh? Hoops?

Why didn't you say so?

[beeping]

I'm Hoops!

[both laugh]

- Okay, old man.

- Uh, I hate to break it to you,

but Hoops is a little kid.

- Yup, I was Hoops when I was a little kid,

many years ago.

- You're telling me there have been many years?

I don't believe it.

- Yes, it was in the past.

- I think you're trying to "past" one over on us.

- "Past" one over.

[laughing]

I don't get it.

- Huh? What are you, a couple of dizzy ding dongs?

- Hey, he said Hoops' catchphrase.

"Ya dizzy ding dongs."

- Ya dizzy ding dongs.

[both gasp]

- Patrick, "Old Man" Walker is Hoops!

He just kinda, sorta, decayed.

- [gasps] Hoops!

We love you! - Oh!

You're breaking my bones.

- Hey, he's got a new catchphrase.

[metallic clank]

- What was that? - Was that my heart?

- Uh, no, it was outside.

- Huh? My heart's outside?

Oh, not again.

- [cackles]

- Aah!

- Ow! - Yum.

- Dagnabbit, it's that ruffian, Ajax McGee.

- Ajax? Isn't he the mean kid in "The Kelpbed Kids" show?

- He was.

Now he's the mean adult

at Shady Shoals Retirement Home.

Oh!

- That's what you get for being a Kelpbed Kid,

Hoops the Poops.

[cackles]

- [gulps, laughs] Hoops the Poops.

Classic.

Hey, I just had an idea. Revenge.

Let's get back at Ajax, like in one of your episodes.

- Huh, episodes?

Yeah, at my age, I have a lot of episodes.

Who wants pudding? - I do!

- Hold that pudding.

We can build our own tank,

and we'll gather material "The Kelpbed Kids" way.

- Eh, the what bed who--wait, what?

[both laughing]

both: Classic Hoops.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [moaning]

- [humming] Huh?

[both laugh]

both: Ah!

[both groan]

- Hmm?

♪ ♪

[laughter]

[bikers scream]

[clicking, whirring]

- We're coming for you, Ajax McGee!

- Say hello to my Meanie Mangler!

[triumphant music]

♪ ♪

- Here we are, Hoops. Shady Shoals.

Now call out for Ajax.

- Eh? Huh? Who am I calling?

- Talk into this. - Hello, operator?

This is Barracuda 4117.

Is my prescription ready yet?

- 23 Skiddoo.

Hey, where did you get that pile of junk?

Never mind, I don't care. Have some eggs!

- Whoa! Prepare cannon.

Fire!

- Huh?

- Uh, you loaded the cannon with toast?

- I always have toast with eggs.

- Deploying salt lick.

♪ ♪

Engaging sea cow.

- [moos]

- Eugh. Ooh. Ew. Ugh.

Your tongue is so rough!

- Huh? - Hmm? [screams]

- [snickers]

[Klaxon blares] - [yowls]

- [grunts]

- Whoa!

Whoa, whoa! Aah! Everything smells like toast!

[all wailing]

- Aah!

[grunts] - [groans]

[pinball sounds chiming]

[all grunting and screaming]

[laughter]

[all groaning weakly]

[bright music]

- Look, there goes Ajax.

- I'll get youse next time!

- Say my name. I'm Hoops the Poops.

- Classic.

both: Best "Kelpbed Kids" adventure ever!

High four!

[both laugh]

- Oops. Uh... - Aah!

- Just call me Hoops the Oops.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[all meeping insistently]

- Okay, okay, one at a time.

Krabby Patty! - Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty, up!

- Krabby Patty! - Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty, up!

- Meep, meep.

- Oh, all this meeping is gonna drive me cuckoo, Mr. Krabs.

- All these meeps are paying your salary.

Meeps are money. - Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty!

- Krabby Patty, up!

[munching]

[loud gulping, belching]

[meeping]

- Wait, someone ordered a Krabby Patty to-go.

Who ordered a Krabby Patty to-go?

Whoa!

Wait, whose order is this?

Whoa. Okay.

[meeping]

- [groans]

Pardon me, did someone order a Krabby--

[sighs oddly]

Oh, um, my bad. I meant meep, meep.

- Oh, meep.

Meep, meep. [cash register dings]

- Meep.

[laughs]

[meeping]

Oh boy, ice meep.

♪ ♪

[tires screeching]

[rhythmic meeping] Yeah.

Real meep, daddy-o.

[meeping excitedly]

Bouncy, bouncy! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!

I love to meep. [laughs]

- Meep, meep!

- Meep!

Meep, meep, meep. Meep, meep, meep.

[doorbell chimes] Meep?

Meep, meep, meep.

- Hey, SpongeBob.

These palms are ready to play some serious patty-cake.

- Meep.

- And you can't play patty-cake

without cake. - Meep!

- Patty-cake, patty-cake. - Meep-meep-meep, meep-meep--

- Baker's man, I'll eat the cake as fast as I can.

Mama called the doctor, and the doctor said,

"No more patty-cakes jumping on the bed."

Meep, meep, meep. Meep, meep, meep.

- Meep, meep mah-meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.

- Meep, meep, meep. - Mailman!

- Meep. [both meeping]

- Morning, SpongeBob. Morning, Patrick.

[Klaxon blares]

[both meeping]

No!

[all meeping]

- It's about time, SpongeBob.

LateBob is more like it.

Ha, LateBob. [laughs, snorts]

- When you're done snorting,

I'd like to order a Krabby Patty.

- Okay, hold on. [laughs] - [growls]

- One Krabby Patty, SpongeBob.

- Meep, meep. - Meep, meep.

Meep, meep, meep. Meep.

Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep, meep.

Meep. - [gulping] Meep.

- SpongeBob, stop that meeping.

What do you think you are? An anchovy?

- Oof! - I hear money meeps.

Are the anchovies back?

- It's SpongeBob. - [meeping]

- SpongeBob!

What in the barnacles is going on here?

- [squeals] [all meeping]

- Oh, di-doo. Oh.

[all meeping] Huh?

- [growls, barks]

- Step aside and let my precious Fifi pass,

or I will be offended.

Oh!

Meep? both: Meep!

[both laughing]

[both scream]

- Huh?

It's a stamp-meep!

[grunting]

Phew. [gasps]

Meep. Meep, meep, meep.

- Bob Gale Doppler, with the big weather.

And I'd like to report it's sunny skies for Bikini Bottom.

But not today, cause there's a storm warning coming at ya.

We got a gust of faux-chovies coming in from the southwest.

Now with a closer look, here's our man on the street,

Rube Goldfish.

- Thanks, Gale.

I'm here with the faux-chovies

that are causing all this meep-abaloo.

Now I just have to ask the question

everyone wants to know.

What in the world does "meep" mean?

[all chanting meeps]

Ameeping.

- Haha, thanks Rube.

So if you don't wanna turn into an anchovy today,

you're advised to stay indoors

until that faux-chovy pressure system moves away.

Ha ha. [all meeping]

Huh? Whoa!

[struggling]

Ha ha, meep.

- Ah. And now it's Squiddy time.

Hoo! Ha ha, mm.

[scatting]

When the customers fizzle,

the octopus will sizzle.

Ha, yeah.

[feet pattering]

[faint meeping]

[together] Meep, meep! Dinner, dinner.

Meep, meep. Dinner, dinner. - Whoa!

[screams]

SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are faux-chovies?

- Meep, meep.

- Okay, okay. Slow down.

One Krabby Patty, one Krabby Patty,

one Krabby Patty, one Krabby Patty.

- Meep. [all meeping]

- Whoever wants a Krabby Patty, raise your hand.

I can't hear your meeping with these headphones on.

Thank Neptune. Aah!

No!

No! Not my headphones!

The meeps. I can hear the horrible meeps.

all: Meep, meep, hungry.

- More meeps?

all: Meep.

all: Meep. all: Meep.

- [gasps] Anchovy rumble!

[upbeat tense music]

♪ ♪

all: Meep. all: Meep.

♪ ♪

all: Meep. Argh!

[all angrily meep]

- Meep. - Meep.

- Meeeeep.

- My bad. I meant meep, meep.

- Oh, meep.

[sniffs]

- Meep, meep! I thought that was you.

- The whole world has gone insane!

[all meep happily]

I can't take it anymore.

That is the last meep!

[distressed panting]

[phone ringing]

[bright Italian melody]

- Serba's World of Pizza. What do you want?

- I'd like an extra, extra, extra large pizza

sent to the Krusty Krab as soon as possible.

- Hey, you want-a a pizza as soon-a as possible,

you got it, Calimaro.

- Aah! Ha.

Nobody's turning me into a faux-chovy.

[laughs]

[meeping] - Pizza delivery.

all: Huh?

both: Pizza? [all meeping]

[all inhale deeply] all: Mmm.

- Mmm, that smells good.

[both laugh]

both: Huh?

all: Oh! - Phew.

I thought we'd never snap out of that faux-chovy thing.

- Sorry, Mr. Krabs.

I didn't realize how easy it is to get swept up

into a meep mentality.

- It's not your fault, boy-o.

We're just lucky that pizza is the anchovies' natural enemy.

- Yeah, whoever ordered that pie saved our lives.

- And we shouldn't let it go to waste.

It's still hot. - Oh-ho-ho!

[grunts] Gah!

What? No anchovies?

- All that meeping made me hungry too.

Mr. Squidward, we need some paper plates out here.

- Squidward? Uh, are you here?

- Now just where is that lazy bum

while all this is going on?

[all meeping]

- ... Meep.

[light music]

♪ ♪