Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[sea shanty music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to the terrific, tumultuous tale of Dopey Dick.

Call me Fishmael.

In my youth, I was an intrepid, fresh-faced journeyman,

looking from town to town for any work I could find.

Little did I know, I was about to step in some.

[shouts]

Jellyfish jelly?

Whoa!

[groans]

[ragtime piano music playing]

- Welcome to the Jelly Squirt Inn.

How can we help, me hearty?

- Excuse me.

- Ahh!

[grunts] [groans]

[both groan]

- [grunts]

[squawks] Have some jelly juice, lad?

- No, thanks.

I'm job hunting.

Might you lubbers have employment

for an able-legged young buck with cash register experience?

- No, no.

- [screams]

- Nobody touches me money but me!

- Buy some jelly, or get out!

[squawks]

- Here you go.

- Huh? [grunts]

- Psst. Hey, come here.

Hey, buddy.

- [yelps]

- Shh.

I've heard tell that a boat called

"Ye Olde Pineapple" is shipping out soon,

and they need more hands.

You've got plenty of hands.

I think I hear them cutting the ship right now.

- Uh, thanks, but I always get seasick.

I wouldn't be caught dead on a ship.

- I'm so sorry to hear that.

- [groans]

- Shh!

- [groans]

- Got one!

[cheering]

- [gasping for breath]

Egads!

I've been squid-napped!

- Yup.

The captain has a special job just for ye.

- For me?

- No, for ye.

- Well, I do need a job.

Ah, if I get seasick, I get seasick.

- Oh, don't worry.

I'll show ye the ropes.

There's the big rope,

the little rope,

the frowny rope,

the smiley rope,

and the licorice rope.

This one's mine.

- [shudders]

- Ahh.

Do you know how to tie a knot?

- No, but I'd love to learn.

- I'll teach ya.

- [grunting]

[laughs]

[cheering]

- Typical.

[footsteps pounding]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[gulls calling]

- [whimpers]

- Avast ye.

I be Captain Sponge-Hab.

Argh.

Hmm? Oh.

[chuckles nervously]

I brought you all here for a special mission--

to hunt down the great white jellyfish,

Dopey Dick.

[all whimpering]

- Was Dopey Dick the beast who took off thy leg, Captain?

- Naw.

My leg is all squeezed into the handle.

[laughs]

I just love the sound my spatula makes.

[clanking]

[laughter]

- Uh...

[chuckles nervously]

- [laughs]

[laughter stops]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[gasping]

Dopey Dick is a great white jellyfish, lads.

And he's the size of a split-level condominium.

all: Meep.

- All that jelly!

- Meep, meep, meep!

all: Meep, meep, meep!

Meep, meep, meep!

- Um, uh, meep, meep?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[boom]

[shouting]

- So keep your eyes peeled for Dopey Dick.

And if ye spot him, just give me a holler.

[shouting frantically]

Yes, just like that.

That is exactly what you should do when you actually see him.

- [meeping]

- [gasps]

Dopey Dick.

- Doy, doy, doy, doy.

- Doy, doy, doy.

Jellyfish be dumb.

- Chase that snow-hilled hump!

- [meeping]

- You, in the smart wool cap, I have a special job for ye.

- Uh, I be ready.

What is it?

- [meeping]

- Whoa. Oh!

This is the special job?

- Uh-huh.

You'll make a great sticky harpoon.

[laughs]

Fire!

- [screams]

Okay, now I'm gonna throw up.

[retches]

[screams, grunts]

[buzzing]

[mumbles]

- We got him!

- [yelps]

- Doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy.

- [shouts]

- Meep!

- He's got us!

Whoa!

- Meep!

[meeping]

[up-tempo music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, please slow down, Dopey Dick!

I don't have anything left to throw up!

Wait, I know how to soothe a savage beast.

[bright chord]

[clarinet playing off-key]

[all screaming]

- Ahh!

My ears are biting me!

[sighs]

- Hmm.

Doy, doy, doy.

Doy, doy, doy.

Doy.

- Argh!

Dopey Dick cannot resist the music.

Quick, everyone, reel him in.

- [meeping]

- Doy, doy, doy, doy, doy.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Now, me hearties, comes the best part

of hunting down and catching a jellyfish.

Spreading the jelly.

- Spreading the jelly. Spreading the jelly.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[pants]

- No, you sillies.

[sighing]

Releasing the jellyfish.

- [screams]

- Doy.

- Aww. [chuckles]

[buzzing]

[groans]

all: Meep.

- Fly and be free, Dopey Dick.

- Doy, doy.

Doy. Doy.

- [chuckles evilly]

- Ahoy, mateys!

Nice catch!

Now it's your turn to release him.

[laughs]

- [scoffs] We're not releasing bupkis.

[squawks]

- Oh, I'm sorry, Cap'n.

I'm afraid we're just gonna keep Dopey Dick

and sell his jelly for money!

[laughs] - Doy, doy.

- Money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

- [gasps] How can he exploit

such a rare and gentle creature?

Dopey Dick is our friend.

And if ye think you're just gonna swoop in here

and put our friend in a cage,

ye've got another thing coming.

Right, me loyal crew?

Huh? [splashing]

[all meeping]

Shiver me timbers.

It's a reverse mutiny.

- Hey, Fake-Beard!

Put this in your poop deck!

[squawks]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Wahh! Phew.

[clanking]

- Ha, ha!

Ye cannonball is a dud.

- Wait for it.

- Hungry.

all: Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry.

Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry. Hungry.

- Nematodes!

Ahh!

♪ ♪

[all shivering]

- ♪ Wah, wah, waaah ♪

[laughter]

[tires squealing]

♪ ♪

- We've got to save Dopey Dick from them pilfering pirates.

- We're gonna need a bigger pineapple.

- Scupper that!

Pat-Buck, follow those bilge rats.

- Aye, aye, Captain Sponge-Hab.

[coughs]

[ship bell clanging]

♪ ♪

[snoring]

- Doy.

Doy, doy.

- Dopey!

- Shh!

[stomach growling]

Quiet, stomach!

You'll wake everybody.

- Follow me, me hearties.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Hmm?

Hmm.

[grunting]

- Meep. Meep. Meep.

[stomach growling]

- Shh.

[screams]

- Shh!

- Who's there?

Oh, it's you, honey.

- That was close.

- Shh. - Sorry.

- [weakly] Doy.

Doy. Doy.

[excitedly] Doy, doy, doy!

- Sit tight, Dopey.

We're gonna cut you loose.

- Doy, doy.

- [yells]

[laughs nervously]

- Not if he keeps doing that, we won't.

[grunts]

- [grunts]

- Doy!

- There you go.

All free, Dopey.

- Doy, doy.

[splashing]

Doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy, doy.

[bright orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Ain't jellyfishing wonderful?

[grumbling]

- Somebody owes me 300 tons of jellyfish jelly.

- I wonder if octopuses give jelly.

[squawks]

- [whimpers]

- Do they? - No!

- Kind sir, will ye take an IOU?

- I'll take an eye...

or two.

[grumbles]

[whimpering]

Hmm?

- Doy, doy!

- Do ye hear it, lads?

Do ya?

Dopey Dick's song.

We still have a chance to catch him!

Everyone, beat to quarters!

[all meeping]

♪ ♪

[shouting]

[gasps]

[grumbles]

[grunts] - Meep!

- Hardy har-poon, sucker.

[dramatic music]

- Doy?

Doy!

♪ ♪

- Dopey, no!

[gasping]

- Doy!

[screaming]

[all meeping]

[meeping]

- [grunts]

- Cut me loose, you Dopey dunce!

[squawks]

- For hate's sake,

we spit our last breath at thee!

[spitting]

[groaning]

- [panting]

Captain Sponge-Hab,

I don't wanna work here anymore.

[laughter]

[shouting]

- Doy!

[shouting]

[meeping]

♪ ♪

- And that's how I became the sole survivor

of the hunt for Dopey Dick.

[laughter]

- You weren't the sole survivor.

We were all there.

[laughter]

- It's my story.

I'm the hero.

And I can end it any way I want.

- Aww, Fishmael.

[laughter]

- You're all buying another round of jelly juice.

[cheering and laughter]

[upbeat music]

- Yay! Yay! Yay!

- Meep, meep, meep!

[laughter]

- Ahh!

- Those scurvy swine

wouldn't know a good story if it bit them on the--

[screams]

The end.

[bright music]

♪ ♪

[cheerful music]

- Once upon a time,

there lived a naive little plankton named Jack.

Jack's Chum Farm had dried up,

and he only had one single farthing left

to buy food at the market.

Fear not, Karen, my clockwork wife.

I will spend our last farthing wisely

and save us from starvation.

Mwah. [clock chimes]

Oh!

Wah, wah, whee.

Get rich now?

Magic bean?

Only one farthing?

Hmm.

Ka-ching!

[chuckles excitedly]

[grunts]

[beeping]

Ahh.

Uh-oh. [grunts]

Ouch! Oh!

[groans]

Oh!

[grunts]

Oh, Karen.

I hit the jackpot!

- Thank King Neptune.

Did you get plenty of food and varnish?

- Better than that.

I got a magical bean.

- What?

What do you do, boil it?

- You don't eat it.

It's magic.

- Oh, Jack, I can't believe you blew our last penny

on a stupid bean.

[groans]

I still need varnish,

but I'm not gonna let you go hungry.

Open wide.

- I told you, you don't eat it.

It's--[grunts]

Well, I'm full.

[groans]

I told you so, Karen!

- There he goes-- anything to win an argument.

- Whoa!

Hmm?

I don't care if they are good for my heart.

I am never eating another bean.

Huh?

"Ye Old Krusty Krab"?

Maybe someone there can make me rich.

- [laughs, coughs] - [gasps]

Sounds like someone is choking to death.

Don't worry. I'll save you!

[panting]

- [laughs]

Honk. Honk.

[laughs]

- Oh!

- [laughs]

- Galloping goose flesh!

[panting]

[whimpers]

[screams]

I meant well, Karen!

Yeesh.

[grunts] Watch where you're pecking,

you foul-feathered freak.

[clinking]

- [laughs]

[thudding] - What the--

huh?

[footsteps pounding]

[whimpers]

[tense music]

- Fee, fi, fo, fite.

I smell the blood of a Bottomite.

[sniffing]

Oh?

Oh, it's just you, SpongeGoose.

Whoo-hoo.

I have to stop feeding you people food.

[laughs]

- [laughs]

- Be a good goose and lay some Krabby Patties on me.

- Huh?

[clinking]

- Magic harp, do your thing.

- ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ♪

- Yeesh. Horrible.

- [heaves]

- Whoa-oh-oh.

[screams]

Ow! [grunts]

Ow! Ow!

- Huh?

It's ready.

It's ready.

It's ready.

- [groans] [bell dings]

- Edible gold, edible gold, edible gold.

[giggles]

- [groans] [bell dings]

Huh? Ahh!

Ooh.

Ahh.

I'm rich!

Thank you, magic bean!

- Oh?

Don't mind if I do.

Huh?

Who disturbs me inner sanctum?

[growls]

- [chuckles nervously] Crazy weather, huh?

Yipe!

- Argh!

- [panting]

[grunts]

- Got ya!

Whether you're caged or whether you're loose,

I'll feed you to me golden goose.

[laughs]

- No, not the goose!

No!

[screams]

- [laughs]

I'll have a solid gold pipsqueak...

in about four hours.

- Peekaboo!

- What?

- [grunts]

Giddy up, galloping goose flesh.

Hya! [whip cracking]

- Bleh!

- Huh? Whoa!

- [laughing]

[timer dinging]

- [shouts angrily]

- [screams]

♪ ♪

[screaming]

- [whimpers]

Abandon goose!

♪ ♪

[thudding]

[clinking]

[groans]

I forgot geese can fly.

- [growls]

- All right, enough of this storybook stuff.

It's laser time, baby!

[laughs maniacally]

Timber!

[laughs]

- [whimpers]

Okay, you can keep the goose!

[screams]

- Oh, no.

Karen!

- Jack, look what you did to our house.

- I just slayed a giant for you.

You want to lay off?

[upbeat music]

- Oh.

- [honking]

[bell dings] - Delicious.

- There you go.

- Bon appétit, sir.

- You were right, darling.

That bean was magic.

Mwah.

- Aww.

[giggles]

And what can I get for you on this magical day,

my good sir?

Ahh!

- Um, I'd like a double gold patty combo, please.

- No shirt, no shoes,

no shell, no service!

Take a hike, tiny.

- [groans]

[gentle plucky music]

♪ ♪