Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[country music]

♪ ♪

- Uh-huh.

- Bonjour, Mademoiselle Sandy.

I have brought your usual,

one Krusty Kombo.

- Thanks, SpongeBob.

But I won't be needing the food.

I brought a little something of my own from home...

[echoing] From home, from home, from home.

Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts!

- [gasps] I see nothing!

[groaning]

There is no outside food allowed at the Krusty Krab.

- Come on, SpongeBob.

I won't spill the nuts if you won't.

[chomping and gulping]

[belches]

Mmm.

Perfecto!

- I haven't seen a thing.

- Try one.

- Mm. Ooh...

wh...

[whimpers]

[chomping]

[gulps]

[belches]

- Hm? [whimpers]

- Whoo! Now that's what I call

Texas heat!

But we really should stop before Mr. Krabs finds out.

- Hm?

Hmm.

Finds out what?

- Yikes!

Oh, uh, hi, Mr. Krabs.

[giggles nervously]

- [gasps]

[grumbling]

Outside food!

- [whimpers] Oh, mercy, Mr. Krabs!

She knows not the error of her ways!

- Oh, please.

I bet one taste of these nuts

and you'll whistle a different tune!

- That's enough!

I'm confiscerating these unauthorized acorns.

Eh, what's so good about these unauthorized nuts anyway?

Hmm. [chomping]

[belches]

All right!

Sandy, you're hired!

- To do what?

Whoa!

- Why, to make those nuts at me restaurant, of course.

They're delicirous!

- Uh, you're a few pickles shy of a Krabby Patty

if you think I'm looking for a job.

- Sandy, this is no mere job!

This is a calling.

This is a duty to serve.

This is a dream come true.

- Well, shoot! Why not?

But I'll need me a barbecue grill.

- No problem.

I got an old Navy trick for makeshift barbecues.

Ta-da!

- Not too shabby.

I reckon she'll do.

- Make sure to show her the ropes, boy-o!

- [giggling excitedly]

- Barbecue nuts?

These customers will eat anything.

- [belches]

Mmm. Nice aftertaste.

- ♪ Sandy's in the kitchen with SpongeBob ♪

♪ We're in the kitchen, we two ♪

♪ Sandy's in the kitchen with SpongeBob ♪

♪ Makin' nuts on the barbecue ♪ - [laughing]

You heard the boss man.

Tell me what's what.

- Well, this here is where the magic happens,

the grill.

Yeow! [chuckles]

As long as the sacred space is respected,

the kitchen will remain in perfect harmony.

- Not to worry!

We'll be like two crickets on a fiddle in here--

[bell dinging] - Huh?

- Here. Knock yourselves out,

please.

- Already on it!

So how many nuts should I fix up?

- Nuts?

Oh, sorry, Sandy. There must be a mistake.

These are all for Krabby Patties.

- Oh. - Don't worry!

I'll get the word out!

[Southern accent] Howdy, Bubble Bass!

I reckon you're hankering for a delicious new dish!

- Certainly not.

I procure the same patty every day

because I have a refined--

[gulping]

[belches]

Ooh!

Such smoky sapidity.

What is it?

- Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts!

Pretty good, am I right?

- Not just pretty good,

but good enough to go on...

the big screen!

- "Try Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts."

You hear that, everyone?

This guy's butt loves those nuts!

- I'll take some nuts!

His butt's never wrong!

- I want some! - Me too!

- Ooh, nuts!

[excited chatter]

[both tittering] - Whoo, doggy!

Now we're cookin'!

Yeah! [both laugh]

- [humming]

[cheerful music]

- Uh...

♪ ♪

- Ah.

[cow moos]

- [chomping]

[belches] Mmm.

- [belches] Hm.

both: Yah!

- Here.

- [babbling]

[belches]

- Aww.

[laughter]

- Hup! Hup! Hup!

Hup! Hup! Hup!

- [gasps] Hmm?

- Ohh-up.

Ha.

[all cheering]

- [belching]

[seagull squawks]

- Huh? - Demand for nuts is up.

- Uh... - So we're increasing supply!

[grunting]

- Bah. - Make way, boy-o.

- Well, gee, Mr. Krabs,

I think you might be overwhelming poor Sandy.

- Hmph!

Ha!

- This here's the barbecue lunch rush!

And, uh, here.

Somebody wants a Krabby Patty, I guess.

- Hm. - Now giddyup!

- [straining]

[intense percussive music]

♪ ♪

[whimpers]

Whoa!

[winces] Ah!

- [grunts]

Phew!

All the orders are up.

- Yep. All of 'em.

- Ooh, that one's mine.

Mm...perfect!

No more wobble.

[somber music]

- Patty.

[saloon music playing]

- Don't you love the new look?

- I'm just here for the nuts.

[train horn whistling]

- Kowboy Krab's Nut Shack?

Pfft, it's full of nuts, all right.

[laughs]

- [humming]

- [coughing and wheezing]

- SpongeBob, hand me them tongs over there, will ya?

I'm busier than a six-legged horse in tap shoes!

- [panting]

[groaning]

[whimpers]

- Ooh! Thanks, SpongeBob!

- Must breathe.

[groaning]

[inhales deeply]

♪ ♪

[straining]

Ohh.

- There's gold in them there nuts!

- What's in the bags, Mr. Krabs?

- Oh, this here's the next round of barbecue nut orders.

- Ooh.

Well, scratch my back and call me a cactus!

And what about that one?

- Oh, this one?

This one's full of useless Krabby Patties.

Nobody really wants 'em, so they're garbage.

[gasps]

- [whimpering]

- Oh, my!

SpongeBob!

- Hi, Sandy.

Just toasting my buns. Heh.

- Move over, lad. You're blocking me trash.

[grunts] - [whimpers]

[gasps]

- Money, money, money, money. Nuts, nuts, nuts.

- [sighing]

- Uh, SpongeBob?

Are you gonna be okay?

- [crying]

- Back to work.

That money won't barbecue itself!

- [growls]

- Ah, I love the smell of money.

[sniffs] Little smokier than usual.

Ohh, yeah.

[angry chatter] Huh?

[growls]

[angry chatter]

Mr. Squidward, what's the holdup?

- Why don't you ask your pitmaster?

She stopped barbecuing nuts.

- She what?

[garbage disposal grinding]

[gasps]

[growls] Land dweller!

What's the meaning of this?

- Ohh.

I'm plumb out of nuts.

- You're plumb out of what?

- Sorry, Kowboy Krabs. - [whimpering]

- Looks like you have to find another way to make your dough.

So long, folks!

- Uhh... - The nut tree's done run dry!

[all growling]

- [laughing nervously] Uh, howdy, y'all.

- I don't reckon we can get no Sandy's smokin' barbecue nuts

without no Sandy, can we?

- Um...no.

- Riot!

[all yelling]

Yah! - Whoa!

- Huh? Aah!

[all straining]

[all cheering]

- [growls]

[chomping]

[gulps] Huh?

Hey, everybody!

This table's got that smoky Texas tang!

- [grunts]

[chomping]

[belches]

Fascinating.

The smoke from Sandy's nuts has flavored

everything in this restaurant!

- Chow time!

[all cheering]

- Mmm.

[gulps]

[belches] - [chomping]

- No! Stop it!

[gasps] Me restaurant!

No!

[groaning] Huh?

- [whimpers] - [sniffs]

Huh?

Say, that smells delicious.

- Oh, this?

Oh, it's just a useless old Krabby Patty.

- A snack without splinters.

How novel.

Perhaps we could partake in your patties?

- Oh, hey, I want some of those.

[excited chatter]

- Huh?

Orders up!

- Good news!

Trashy Patties are now double the price!

[angry chatter]

Whoa!

- Not so fast.

I reckon these patties are on the house.

Right, SpongeBob?

- Mm...

all: Yeehaw!

- I guess we all went a little nuts today.

[belches]

Huh. Still a nice aftertaste.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Move your feet and grab your seat ♪

♪ It's "The Sir Urchin and Snail Fail Show" ♪

both: It's on!

[straining] Ah!

- Excuse me.

- Pardon me! - Excuse me!

- Pardon me! - Excuse me!

[chomping]

- It's "The Sir Urchin and Snail Fail Show."

- [grunting]

Hmph.

[cheers and applause]

Hmm.

[growls]

[inhales deeply]

[coughing and gagging]

[inhales deeply and coughs]

Woe is me.

My priceless works of art need to be dusted!

Oh, Snail Fail!

- Whoa!

Yes, sir, Sir Urchin, sir!

[laughter]

- Dust my art!

- Very good, Sir Urchin, sir.

- Ah, you dust divinely.

Now dust the back!

- Uh, v-v-very good, Sir Urchin, sir.

[grunts] Wah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh.

- Why, you!

- What I do?

[laughter]

Whoa, dainty, dainty, dainty!

- Ah! - Hm?

- Why, you!

- What I do?

- [garbled] Why, you!

- What I do?

- Ah!

Why, you!

- Why you, indeed.

- Huh? Whoa, whoa!

[exclaims]

Huh?

- Why not any of us?

If the nature of the universe is random,

would not misfortune find us all equally?

And yet, it does not.

Perhaps you should stop asking, "Why you?"

and start asking, "Why me?"

[crickets chirping]

- [whispers] That's not the line.

Why did you stop hitting me?

- I want the audience to know that I am a real thespian

and not just some bumbling buffoon.

- Well, you wanna be a serious actor?

Nobody's stopping you!

Exit stage left!

- My pleasure!

I quit!

[audience gasping and murmuring]

- [growling]

Why, you--

[Muzak playing]

- [laughing]

- It's no joke, Patrick.

Our favorite comedy team just broke up on live TV!

- [sobbing]

- [moans]

[sadly] ♪ Move your feet and grab your seat ♪

both: ♪ It's "The Sir Urchin and Snail Fail Show" ♪

- [whimpers]

Patrick, as devoted fans,

it's our duty to convince our two idols

to get back together.

The future of comedy depends on it.

- I'm in!

- We'll have to split up.

- Aw, I was just getting comfy.

- I'll go find Snail Fail,

and you track down Sir Urchin.

Good luck.

- [exclaims] - Booyah!

[both giggle]

Whoo!

- Taxi!

[straining]

- Where to, Mac?

- Take me to Sir Urchin's house.

- Sir Urchin?

- Yeah, Sir Urchin!

You know, the guy that goes...

"Why, you!"

[laughs]

He's so funny.

- Oh, you mean like this?

Why, you!

[fanfare]

[monkey chittering]

I'm Sir Urchin.

- Ay-yah!

Sir Urchin?

Why are you driving a taxi?

- [sighs] My partner and I broke up

five minutes ago, and since then,

times have been tough.

- Mm. [grunts]

You guys were so funny back then!

What I do? - [growling]

- What I do?

What I do? [laughs]

- [growling]

Say, Mac, how would you like

to be Snail Fail the Second?

- Would I?

[laughs]

Would I?

- Oh? What is this?

Huh.

Probably a gift from one of my adoring fans.

- Close. I aman adoring fan.

[laughs]

- Ah!

- Doing! I'm sorry, Mr. Snail Fail.

I just wanted to ask if you and Sir Urchin could

get back together again.

You know, for your adoring fans.

- No more low comedy for me.

The only way I shall ever step on a stage again

is as a serious dramatic actor.

Now, be gone!

Ah! [groans]

- Ohh. I know a stage

where people would love to see you act.

- Hmm.

Really?

Alas, poor Mackerel,

I knew him, Halibut.

A fellow of infinite jest.

He hath borne me on his fishtail

a thousand times.

Ow!

[boos and jeers]

- You stink!

- Whoa!

Ah!

[groaning]

- Maybe we should call Sir Urchin.

- Never!

- Why, you! - Aah!

- What I do?

Why, you!

[both whimpering] What I do?

[both exclaim] Why, you!

What I do?

[both groaning]

- [grunting]

Why, you!

- What me do?

[kid whimpering]

- Why, you!

- What me do?

- [grunts]

- How come nobody's laughing?

- Well, you're saying, "What me do?"

instead of, "What I do?"

Maybe that's it.

- Good note.

Got it.

[straining]

- [grunting]

[growling] Why, you!

- Where I go?

- [grunts]

Nah, that's not it.

If only we had a real stage to perform on.

- If only I had a real stage to act on.

[together] Extry, extry!

Big Bikini Bottom Talent Show tonight

on a real stage!

- Huh. - Hmph.

both: [gasps]

This might be the break

we've been waiting for!

both: Yay!

I smell a reunion!

- Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Talent show!

Take it away, Bikini Bottom!

[cheers and applause]

[circus music playing]

[boinging noises]

[boos and jeers]

- Oh!

[sobbing]

- Whoa!

Look at all those people!

[laughing]

[vocalizing]

Doy! [grunts]

- Excuse me.

Is this the line for the talent show?

Agh! You.

- You.

both: Success!

- It's great to see you guys back together again!

[both grunt] - Whoa!

- I am not following this riffraff onto the stage.

We shall go first.

- Shove off, Fakespeare!

Me and my new partner, Patrick, were here first!

Hey!

[all gasp]

That monocle was priceless!

- Now it's garbage.

- Why, you!

- Agh!

What did I do to deserve this fate?

[grunts]

[both grunting and exclaiming]

- Why, you!

[grunts] - Whoa!

Ugh!

What have Idone?

[grunts]

- Why, you!

[grunts]

- What is it? - [grunts]

Why, you!

[cheers and applause]

Why, you!

- Are you referring to me?

- Yah!

[audience cheering]

Why, you!

both: Hm?

- What I do?

[raucous cheering]

[both sobbing]

Our act was perfect the way it was.

I should never have tried to change it.

- Snail Fail, old buddy, go ahead.

Add some serious acting to our show.

I just want to get back together again!

- Oh, so do I!

both: Mm.

- [affectionately] Why, you.

- What I do?

both: Mm.

- Oh! Why, us!

- Look what we do'd!

- Why, you! [both whimpering]

Why, you!

[TV audience laughing]

[laughter]

- Alas, poor Mackerel,

I knew him, Sir Urchin.

A fellow of infinite jest,

nautical nonsense be something he wished.

Where be your jokes now, old friend?

That I may laugh... [laughs]

With merriment?

[both slurping]

- [grunts] Why, you!

- What hath I done?

[laughter]

[laughter]

- They're back and funnier than ever!

- Thank you, everyone.

- We would just like to take a moment to give a shout-out,

as the kids say, to our friends,

SpongeBob and Patrick.

both: We couldn't have gotten back together without you guys!

both: Why, you!

both: What we do?

- Why, you!

Why, you!

all: Not again!

Aah!