Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

kids: Aye, aye, Captain!

- ♪ Ohh... ♪

♪ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ If nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- ♪ Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

kids: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

[flute plays]

[waves crashing]

[ukelele playing]

♪ ♪

French narrator: Ah, Avocondo Acres,

Bikini Bottom's premier retirement community.

This is where we find Harold and Margaret,

the parents of the ocean's most exceptional

multicellular organism,

SpongeBob SquarePants.

- [sniffs]

Harold, do you smell that?

It smells like something...

rotting. - [groans]

It's begun. We better run.

[grunts] - Oh!

- Oh...

- I tell people the rub their homes with lemon juice

and wrap it in plastic.

But do they listen?

- Oh, Harold, what will we do?

- Well, we'll just have to grow a new home.

[avocado seed squelches] And in the meantime,

We can stay with our son.

- Take cover, Gary!

Watch this. I jump up and down.

The soda bottles pop their corks

and send me careening dangerously around the room!

I may not survive.

[laughs] - [meows]

[phone ringing]

- Hello? [indistinct gibberish]

Oh, hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Your house? Oh, no.

Stay with me? Why, of course you can!

Ooh, guess what, Gary.

Mom and Dad are coming over

to stay at our place

for the very first time!

- [meows]

- I just thought of something.

My parents haven't seen me in a while.

They'll be expecting their son to be a little more,

well, adult--

grown-up, mature--

and look at me!

♪ ♪

And look at this place!

It's a filthy mess!

♪ ♪

Whoa!

- Peek-a-boo.

French narrator: Clean.

- Whoa!

[whimpers]

Ah!

- I see you.

French narrator: So clean.

- [grunting]

What? - We gotta stop

meeting like this.

- You almost done?

- Wee!

♪ ♪

- Ooh! Won't this be fun, dear?

I'm looking forward to hanging out

with a hip, young urbanite like our boy.

- Oh, yes, dear.

We can really use an injection

of youthful spirit,

vitality, and dare I say,

recklessness. [both giggle]

[grunts] Huh?

[elegant music]

- [posh accent] Hello, Mater, Pater.

This is truly a pleasure.

- Ooh! - Won't you entrer?

French narrator: One-- [clears throat]

entrée later...

[happy music]

[cricket chirping]

- [coughs]

♪ ♪

[bell dings] - So

what are we gonna do today?

I can't wait to hit the town.

- I have taken the liberty of writing up an agenda

of activities that I know all of us adults

will find most stimulating.

♪ ♪

- We'll begin with a leisurely walk

about the neighborhood so we can critique

other people's lawns.

After that--conversations about taxes, politics,

and how things aren't nearly as good as they used to be,

then an early-bird dinner,

and we'll top it off with bedtime at 4:00 p.m.

- But son, this isn't--

- Whatever you say, son.

We're your guests.

French narrator: 4:00 in the afternoon.

[dramatic music]

[duck quacks]

- Some warm milk

and the soothing sounds of disapproval

to whisk you off to your slumbers.

- Mm-mm-mm. You are so grounded.

[clarinet playing]

- [shouts] Will you puh-lease

stop that confounded racket?

Some grown-ups are

trying to sleep in here!

- Sorry, sir.

What?

Wait a minute.

- Good night, my dear gastropod.

[snails meow] - [meows]

[meows angrily]

- Margaret, dear,

I'm afraid our son has become,

well, a fuddy duddy.

Pardon my language.

- Well, I was gonna say "bummer,

a downer, and a total drag."

- What do you say we sneak out and have some fun?

- Way ahead of you.

- [snickers]

[both giggling]

[orchestral music]

- Wee!

♪ ♪

[coat screeches]

[jazz music]

[giggling] - [mumbling indistinctly]

- Oh, ah!

- [laughs]

[both laughing]

[both gasp] - Where have you two been?

[ukelele plays]

It is 8:00 at night. I was worried sick.

- We were just having a little fun.

- You're both acting like children.

- And you're acting like a square.

- [gasps] I amsquare,

and I've already committed to acting mature,

whether you like it or not.

- Okay, Mr. Mature,

it's time for you to have some fun,

whether you like it or not.

[fireworks whistle] - It's Bikini Bottom

after dark, baby!

It's gonna be wild.

[record scratching] Woot, woot!

[suspicious music]

♪ ♪

- [giggling]

Ah!

- Go on, son.

Join her. - Hmph.

- That is an order, son!

- Oh, okay.

- I still got it.

- Come on, killjoy.

Don't be such a party pooper.

[chants] Do it. Do it.

- [sighs] [posh accent] This is

so childish.

- What is going--

- [whimpers] - SpongeBob!

- [screams]

[whimpers] - [laughs]

[duck quacks]

[festive music]

- [chuckles] - Yahoo!

Masked luchador wrestling!

- [blows raspberry] How juvenile.

[all cheering]

Well, I guess this is all right.

It shouldn't be too wild,

just sitting here, watching.

- Uh, we're not here to watch.

- We're here to wrestle.

- It's tag team time!

Los Diablos vs. Madre y Padre!

[both grunt]

- Mommy, Daddy, no!

[bell dings]

[both grunting]

♪ ♪

- [grunting]

- [grunting]

♪ ♪

[all grunting]

- [whimpering]

♪ ♪

- [whistles] - Owie.

- [grunting]

[both grunting]

♪ ♪

- Mom, Dad!

I'm coming!

[screams]

Uh, Mom?

Dad? - 'Atta boy, SpongeBob!

- We're rooting for you, kiddo!

- For our next bout,

it's El Muerte vs. Señor Peanuts Bag!

- Oh, wait, what?

[suspenseful music]

- [roars]

- [screams high-pitched]

[screaming]

Mommy, Daddy!

[screaming]

[squeaks]

No más! No más!

Yay! Whoa!

- Now, wasn't that fun?

- Whoo-hoo!

- [grunts]

Where'd that peanut bag guy go?

I'm hungry.

- How 'bout a hot dog?

- I never even knew there was a 24-hour roller rink

in Bikini Bottom.

Well, I guess skating slowly

around and around a roller rink

isn't so wild.

- Rink? We're skating through town.

- Ha ha! [both crash]

- Oh! - Whoops, excuse me.

[both laugh] - Hey!

both: Whoa. - Will you two

please act your age?

[elevator dings] both: Whoo!

- Please stop!

[elevator music playing]

♪ ♪

all: Whoo-hoo!

- Will you slow down? This is crazy!

- Whoo! - Wow!

[both laugh]

[all screaming]

- Please, I beg you...

- [screams] [laughter]

Whoo, whoo. [laughter]

- [pants] [groans]

- [sighs] - Ah, whoa, whoa--

[grunts]

Oh, I just wanted to impress

you two by showing you what a mature adult I've become.

But no, you wanted wild.

Okay, fine!

You want wild?

I'll show you!

Wild!

[panting]

[ukelele playing]

[screaming]

♪ ♪

[squeaks] [snoring]

- Aw, the boy's asleep, all tuckered out.

Well, our new avocondo should be ripe right now.

He'll have to stay with us

until he can regrow his pineapple.

- I wonder when he'll really grow up and be mature.

- Hopefully not too soon. Am I right dear?

[somber orchestral music]

- [panting] Señor Peanuts Bag!

I want satisfaction!

Or peanuts...

I'd rather peanuts.

[upbeat nautical music]

♪ ♪

[film projector whirring]

[video beeping]

[trumpets playing]

♪ ♪

- Hello, student drivers.

I'm Mrs. Penelope Puff,

and as per the court order,

I will be your driving instructor

in this education film.

By remembering these 138 simple rules of the road,

every one of you will know all that you need

to get your very own boating license.

- Even me?

- [sighs]

[bell dings] First lesson...

Here we have Mr. Good Driver.

Before starting the vehicle,

he always inspects five areas of his boat for safety.

He checks his tire buoyancy...

[tire hisses]

[meter beeps] Ensures his propeller

is properly oiled...

Confirms his boat horn is functioning...

[horn honks] Reviews his signals...

[signals dinging]

And most importantly,

he fastens his seat belt...

[bell dings] And here we have a bad driver,

or what I refer to as

a "SpongeBob."

- Check tire pressure.

[grunts]

Oil propeller, check.

- [groans]

- Check horn, check.

[horn honks loudly]

- Out of the way!

- Check signals, checkerino! [bell dinging]

Seat belt...

[grunts]

Belted!

Whoa. [screams]

Can I get my license now?

- No. [buzzer blares]

[bell dings] Now to our second lesson...

- [groaning] - As he begins his journey,

Mr. Good Driver makes sure

to watch carefully for oncoming boats.

Only when the road is clear

does he accelerate into traffic.

- Beep, beep.

Can I get my license now?

- No! [buzzer blares]

[bell dings] Lesson three...

There are several types of pedestrians.

So Mr. Good Driver

always keeps careful watch.

Here we have the cunning little, old lady.

- [gasps]

[tires screech]

[horn blares] - Aw, and the babbling baby

in a buggy.

- [babbles indistinctly]

- Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- The common fruit vendor...

[horn blares] - [grunts]

- And naturally, we see some workmen

carrying a large pane of glass.

- How cliché!

♪ ♪

both: Whoa...

[bell dings]

- Mr. Good Driver may think

he can let his guard down,

but there's still one pedestrian

waiting to strike.

The rare Poriferous Aggravatus,

commonly known as a SpongeBob.

- Hi, Squidward.

- [screaming]

- Hi, Squidward. Hi, Squidward.

Hi, Squidward.

Hi, Squidward.

- [gasps] [whimpers]

[screams]

- [grunting]

- [screams]

- Whoa!

[grunts]

- Hey, can I get my license now?

[bell dings] [antenna signal whistles]

- Lesson 29...

Mr. Good Driver must obey various road signs.

Here are just a few... - [gasps]

- Speed bumps...

- Ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow, ow-- [screaming]

- Slow children at play...

[slow-motion chatter]

- [groans]

- Sometimes, even Mr. Good Driver

may be overwhelmed with directions.

- [whimpering]

- Never read a road map while driving.

That's something only a SpongeBob would do.

- [laughs]

[boat honks] Huh?

[all screaming] - Hey, Squidward!

- [screams]

[boats crash] [tires screech]

[screaming]

[explosion booms]

[bell dings] - Lesson 53...

Good driving also means

being a good passenger--

never distract your driver.

- Guess what, Squidward. I'm gonna get my license today.

Mrs. Puff said, at the end of the film, I'm gonna get it.

- [grunting]

Oh, you're gonna get it all right.

It's also important not to be a backseat driver.

- Ooh, I can drive from the back seat?

- [choking]

[neck cracking]

- [laughing] - Stop it!

You're driving me crazy!

[boat screeches] - Whoa!

[squeaks] [grunts]

- Finally, as a passenger,

you must never play

with the boat's control console.

- Let's get some tunes going here.

[percussive beat]

- [screaming]

[glass shatter]

- How 'bout some AC?

Brr, too cold.

Ooh, let me help you with that.

- [screams]

[slow-motion chatter]

[screaming]

all: [slow-motion] Oh, no.

- [grunts]

all: [slow-motion] No...

- [growls]

- Lesson 54...

Even Mr. Good Driver may be tempted

to take out his anger

on a fellow motorist.

♪ ♪

- [screams]

[tires squeal]

- In times like these,

remember one simple word--

- Oh, I know this one.

Let me help you relax, friend.

- [growls] - Just breathe in.

[both inhale deeply]

And out.

[both exhale]

That's it. Now, how about a relaxing

cup of kelp tea?

[mindful music]

- [gargles]

[gulps]

[sighs]

[hums]

- Refreshing, right?

- Mm-hmm. - Now, let's rake some sand.

♪ ♪

- Mm-hmm.

- There, relaxed.

[all shouting angrily]

Maybe it's time to go elsewhere.

- [whimpers]

[horn honks]

[whimpering]

Eee... [strained grunting]

- [growling] -[whimpering]

- This darn projector--

just when we were getting to the good part.

- Don't worry, Mrs. Puff.

Let a good noodle handle that for you.

- No, SpongeBob, that's okay.

- [grunts] Whoa!

Huh? [stammers]

I'm ready for my close-up.

[laughs]

- Get out of there!

- Yes, ma'am. [grunts]

- [sighs] Well, I guess we can't finish

the film. [all cheer]

- B--b--but if we can't finish the film,

we can't finish class! [all cheer]

And if we can't finish class,

then I can't get my license.

[all cheer]

[bell dings] I know.

I'll finish the film myself.

[all boo]

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

[vocalizes climactic music]

SpongeBob's boating license.

SpongeBob was such an exemplary driver...

- Oh, puh-lease.

- That a special ceremony was held in his honor

at city hall. It was a dream come true.

Mrs. Puff had deemed him worthy of the road.

He finally had a dazzling, genuine,

full-sized boating license!

Now, imbued with the power of good driving,

SpongeBob brought peace

to the people of this troubled world.

He delivered Krabby Patties to the hungry.

[upbeat quirky music]

He de-escalated petty crime.

- Yay!

- And he even kept the ice cap from melting.

Yes, everyone loved SpongeBob

more than ever now that he had his boating license.

They all loved him so much.

[smooching]

- That is quite enough!

[growling]

We'll resume the correct lesson next week.

Class is dismissed.

Just remember what you learned today,

and no more of this nonsense!

[grumbles]

[upbeat nautical music]

all: Yes, Mrs. Puff.

[all vocalizing boat engines]

- Whoa! Wee!

[chuckles]

♪ ♪

Beep, beep!