Original subtitles

♪ ♪

[spooky music]

- Bonjour, art lovers.

Tonight, for your viewing enjoyment,

we present a portrait painted in shades of greed.

- Ahh! Another day,

another whole bunch of dollars!

[laughs]

[metallic clinking] Hmm?

Ooh, a quarter!

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

Whew, come back here, you!

Hey, hey, where are you going?

[panting]

[exhales] Whew.

[sighs]

Eh?

Yah! [blubbering]

[ding]

[struggling efforts]

Huh?

Ooh, this quarter is really making me work.

[clinks]

Huh? Hey, get back here!

Ugh!

[grunting]

- Greetings, stranger. - Ahh!

Welcome to my Emporium of Wonders.

Can I interest you in a traditional

Klopnodian Spladunker?

Or perhaps a lightly used Flooner?

- No thanks, old timer.

I just want me quarter.

It seems to have hopped into your pay phone here.

- Oh, I see.

Well I have no power to retrieve your coin,

but I can let you have the payphone

for the low, low price of...

free.

- Free? I'll take it!

- But be warned, that payphone comes with a curse.

[thunder booms] [woman screams]

- Really? How much does the curse cost?

- What? No, the curse is free.

It comes with the phone.

- Well then!

I'll take the curse, too!

[chuckling] - Heed my Kapritzka!

Beware the call of the porch!

Beware!

Ah, forget it.

- [grunting]

Listen up, happy Krustomers!

For the low price of a quarter, now you, too,

can make that important call

while you're eating a Krabby Patty!

[ringing]

Ahoy, there. Krusty Krab.

Eugene Krabs, proprietor, speaking.

- [evil laughter]

Give away your Krabby Patties!

Give them all away!

- [gasps] What kind of obscene phone call is this?

When I find out who you are, I'm gonna--

Oh!

Hey!

[line trilling]

Must give patties away.

[cash register dings]

[all exclaim] No money.

Patties free!

- Free patties?

Oh, Mr. Krabs!

You finally found your inner generosity.

Hooray!

Krabby Patties for everyone!

Wha! Yow!

The Krab is picking up the tab!

[all hooting and hollering]

- All free.

[all cheering]

[all munching]

- [evil laughter]

- [blubbering]

Huh? What just happened?

Oh, boy! A quarter!

I knew this thing would pay off!

- Patties here! - [yelps]

- Free patties!

Get your patties while they're hot!

Get 'em while they're free!

- Free? [woman screams]

[grunts]

SpongeBob! There's no free lunches at the Krusty Krab!

[all clamoring] Have you gone insane?

Get back in the kitchen and stitch

these patty halves back together

so we can sell 'em again.

[sign poofs]

- [groans] It was too good to last.

[ringing]

- Krusty Krab, Eugene-- [groans]

- [evil laughter] Now give away your money!

Every last cent!

- Must give away money.

[panting]

[whistle blares]

[all cheering]

- Give away all money, Boy-O!

- But you just said that--

Oh, I knew you were only kidding, Mr. Krabs!

You really are generous! [chuckles]

- [muttering]

[chuckles] Another quarter!

I love this phone! [cash register dings]

[all clamoring] - Whoo! [laughing]

Whee! [all cheering]

- SpongeBob!

What are you doing with me money?

- Well, I thought you told me to, Mr. Krabs.

I--oh, I don't understand.

[phone ringing]

- Uh! Ooh! - And now, Krabs,

give away the Krusty Krab!

[evil laughter]

- [grunting]

Yes! With this laser cannon,

I can finally blast Krabs!

Huh?

Homina-wha?

- Here his deed to Krusty Krab.

She's all yours.

- Something doesn't seem right here.

But like Granny Plankton always says,

never look a gift snail under the shell!

I win! [laughs]

I'm the greatest!

Huh? [clank]

Uh-oh.

[hypnotic music]

- Ooh! [laughs]

Huh?

Ohh, what the-- where's me quarter?

- [evil laughter] - [grunting]

- Perhaps generosity is its own reward?

- Never! - [laughs]

- [grunts, laughs]

Huh? Ooh.

- Uh--

[both growling]

- Huh?

[gasps]

- [laughing]

- Hey, what's the big idea?

And where is that quarter you owe--

- I'm free! Ha-ha!

[muttering] Um--

Hey kid, lend me a quarter for the bus?

- Sure thing, Mr. Demon!

- I'm finally free!

[laughs]

[phone ringing]

- Well, this ain't so bad.

Steady work, and plenty of quarters!

[laughs] A crab could get used to this!

[crashing] Whoa!

Hey! What's going on? [thud]

- [grunting] [clanging]

- Hey, Squidward,

get that hunk of junk out of here, would you?

Come on.

- Gladly.

[crashing]

- Hello, anyone wanna make a call?

Only costs a quarter.

Ooh, barnacles!

[foghorn blares] [bell dinging]

- Sometimes a free phone

comes at a very high price,

and sometimes the cheapskates

are the ones who get stuck with the bill

here in "The Tidal Zone."

[phone ringing]

Hello?

[grunts]

Must give away one more story.

The story of a grandpa adrift in space and time.

The story of a sea star who is lost in "The Tidal Zone."

[dial tone blaring]

- [yelling]