Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

*

- Ladies and gentlemen!

Behold my wondrous paintings!

[groans]

- Um, excuse me. Can I have some ketchup?

- Hey, look at my art, you dummies!

- Oh!

- I don't know how you talked me into this art show, SpongeBob,

but I'm shutting this thing down right now.

- Aw, you can't, Mr. Krabs.

Wait until Squidward sells some of his paintings.

- Buy some important paintings.

See me expose my exquisite suffering.

Hmm. These fools don't even recognize

the masterworks in front of their faces.

I'll confront them with the power of my art.

- Ahh-- - Witness the beauty!

- Pah!

- Come on, Larry,

get your salad on!

- Come on, Larry, get your art on!

- Oohee! My eyes!

[screaming]

The pain!

- I want a Kwabby Meal!

- How about some art to go with that?

[horse neighs]

- [screams]

- [screaming]

Run, baby, run!

- That's it! Squidward is scaring me customers away.

I'm shutting this art show down.

He's never gonna sell his paintings.

- Sure, he will. I just bought one.

- Ah! Holy shrimp.

Why would you do that to yourself?

- What do you mean? I love it.

- Ah.

- Mr. Krabs, Squidward is our friend,

and his paintings are so cheap.

You should buy one just to be nice.

- [coughing]

I'm good.

- Nice? Nice?

I don't waste my money on nice.

- But think about how valuable these paintings might become.

- Valuable? What do you mean?

- When art gets older, it usually gets more expensive.

Squidward's paintings might be worth millions someday.

- Millions?

Out of me way!

Here! - Ow.

- Gimme.

This is mine now!

- Okay, Mr. Krabs!

- [laughing] Art, art, art, art, art, art.

Now all I need to do is sit back

and watch me art grow more valuable.

[giggling]

- I am a very important art appraiser,

and I say this so-called "art"

will never be worth a penny.

- Hey, Eugene H. Krabs does not--

[gags] Lose money.

There must be something I can do

to make this art worth lots more cash.

- Hmm...

- I sold all my art?

This tiny handful of coins has legitimized me!

Who wants the autograph of a real artiste?

- [growls]

- Ahh!

- Well,

paintings can become much more valuable

when the artist is not longer with us.

You know, out of the picture.

[gags]

- Out of the picture, eh?

I think I could arrange that.

- Artist walking-- check me out.

- Check this out.

Got a delivery for you, Mr. Squidward.

- What? You can't be serious.

An artist, such as myself, should not be subject

to such menial tasks.

Aw, don't be menial to Squidward, Mr. Krabs.

I'll take the delivery.

- No.

Mr. Squidward is a real artist now,

and real artists can handle anything.

[wind whistling]

- The Arctic is so cold.

[shivering]

Come on, Squidward,

you're a strong artist.

You can do it!

Nope.

[grunts]

[shivering]

SpongeBob?

- Oh, hey, Squidward! - Ah!

SpongeBob, what are you doing here?

- Just getting some ice.

Fresh!

[laughs] Need some help?

Oh!

[humming cheerfully]

- Here's your food.

- Hey, this is cold!

Perfect!

[both laughing] - Dah!

- Eh, we better get you home.

- Hello. Is this the art appraiser?

Just wanted to let you know

that me good, good friend Squidward is now

out of the pictu--

[stammering] Wha-what the sea horse?

Got another delivery for you, Squidward.

And only Squidward!

- Your eyes are so pretty.

- [giggles]

- Last... [blows raspberry]

Stop... [blows raspberry]

Rock... [blows raspberry]

Bottom. [blows raspberry]

- [moaning strangely]

- [moaning and blowing raspberries]

- 237 Rock Bottom.

Oh, there it is!

Oh, remember, Squidward,

real artists embrace the unknown.

Uh, is anyone here?

[blows raspberry] I've got a delivery

from the Krusty... [blows raspberry]

Krab.

[all blowing raspberries]

[both screaming]

- What are we screaming about?

- Monsters!

- They're not monsters, Squidward,

they're my friends.

- What... [blows raspberry]

Up... [blows raspberry]

SpongeBob? [blows raspberry]

[all blowing raspberries and cheering]

- Yes, I am sure that Mr. Squidward

is out of the picture for good.

He will be missed.

So come on over and tell old Krabs

how much money me paintings are worth.

[laughs]

[both laughing]

- [laughs]

[sobbing]

[growls]

Squidward, delivery!

- Ooh, this tickles. [laughs]

- [Mr. Krabs grunts]

Follow me, Mr. Squidward.

I've got a special delivery vehicle

just for a great artist like yourself.

- Well, that's more like it.

Finally some respect.

- Into the rocket you go.

- Ah! Ooh.

Wait, why do I need a rocket?

Where is this delivery to?

- Mars.

- Oh, Mars. Well--

M-M-M-Mars?

- Bye, Squidward.

- [Squidward screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

- Delivery from the Krusty Krab.

- [speaking gibberish]

[all chomping]

- Hmm. All this red, so garish.

Ah, this dump needs a true artist's touch.

[all gasp]

- [roars]

[munching sounds]

- So now that Squidward definitely,

100% is gone for good-- what a shame--

what do you think of these here paintings?

- Well, of course, they're awful,

but if the so-called "artist"

is really out of the picture,

then perhaps they're worth something.

- Really?

[sobbing] It's so complicated.

These are tears of joy, but they're also tears of sadness

for my good friend Squidward,

wherever he is.

- Oh, there he is, Mr. Krabs. - [grunts]

[ship whirring]

- Stay here and keep an eye on me investments.

[eerie music]

- [whimpering]

Well, that was disgusting.

So who wants to talk about my use of color

and brush stroke?

- [clears throat]

Hm!

- I have done everything I could

to get you away from here safely.

- Ah! - Now you're messing

with me money!

- Dah!

- Run, Squidward, run!

- Hey!

How about a little support here?

- Run, Mr. Krabs, run!

- [screams]

- [quietly] But a little slower than Squidward!

- [screaming]

- [sniffing]

- [muffled shouting] - It's your best friend,

SpongeBob.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, get off of me!

- I'll never get off of you, Squidward.

Not until you're safe.

- I'll never be safe!

Not until my paintings are gone.

- No, Squidward!

You can't deprive the world of your paintings!

- True, but it's better than depriving the world of me.

Hmm?

- [growls] - Ah!

- [laughing]

- Come on, Squidward, destroy those paintings

before Mr. Krabs gets back.

- [straining]

I--I can't do it!

They're just too magnificent!

- Hey, hey, hey!

Get away from me paintings!

- Oh, I'm sorry, paintings, but it's you or me!

[grunting]

- Yes. Yes!

Now this is true art!

- Wha--really?

- So visceral, so dangerous.

- Yes!

Feel my art!

[laughing]

- Leave me paintings alone, you monster!

- No!

That was the most exhilarating performance art

I have ever seen!

- Really?

So it must be worth millions!

Hey, out of me way!

[both laughing maniacally]

- [laughing]

- [laughing] Mr. Krabs, uh, Squidward,

I don't think you should be doing that.

- Oh, don't be so provincial, SpongeBob.

- Yeah, stop trying to censor our money!

I mean, our art!

[grunts]

[both grunting]

There!

- Bravo!

Bravo! Bravo!

[both grunting and yelling]

- Ooh, boy, hee-hee!

So, heh,

how much you gonna give me for all this?

[chuckles] - Nothing!

Performance art is about the moment.

You cannot put a price on it.

- What? Wait. Come back here,

you double-crossing--

- Doh! Mr. Krabs! Squidward!

[strains]

- A-ha!

And that is how I acquired this masterpiece.

- Ooh. - Ahh.

- Bravo.

- I'm an artist.

- I'm rich.

- And I helped. [laughs]

[light string music]

*