Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- * Ohh...

* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Absorbent and yellow and porous is he *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * If nautical nonsense be something you wish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

*

[waves crashing]

- [humming]

Sorry about this barnacles, but it's spring cleaning time.

- I forgive you.

[whirring]

I take it back! [screaming]

- There, my masterpiece. [yelling]

What the--ahh!

- [yelling]

- Ah, perfect.

No! [grunting]

What is that menace up to now?

[grunting]

How many-- [grunting]

- Whoa! Whoa!

- Will you please turn that thing--

- Oh, hey, Squidward.

- [grunting]

- What are you saying?

- [grunting]

kids: Yay!

- I can't hear you over the hose noise.

Hold on, I'll turn it off.

kids: Aww.

- [grunting]

- What's you want to tell me, Squidward?

- Turn off the hose.

- I already did. Here, I'll turn it back on just for you.

- No, no, no. wait-- [grunting]

- Yep, it was off. How'd I do?

- Horrible! Everything you do is horrible!

I wish you would just move away already.

- Move away? But Squidward, I like it--

[sneezes]

- [grunting]

- Did you see that? Huh, I wonder what's making me sneeze.

- Ahh!

Probably all the barnacle dust you kicked up.

- Oh, Squidward, that makes no sense.

Who ever heard of dust making you sneeze?

- Oh, fine, maybe you're allergic to your pineapple.

- [laughing] You can't be allergic to a house.

[sniffs] [chuckles]

Or could you-- no. [laughing]

- [chuckles]

Oh, why do I even bother trying to explain things to him?

Of course you can be allergic to a house.

I ju--wait.

You can be allergic to a house.

[chuckles]

- [snoring]

- [chuckles]

[grunting]

Ah, ah, ah. [stifled sneeze]

[both snoring]

- Ah. [sneezes]

- [growls and hisses] - Gary, no, no, no, no!

- [howling] [both grunting]

- Aww, playtime, that's nice.

[both grunting]

[horn blaring]

- [sneezes]

- [meows] - Good mor--

good mor--[sneezes]

good--[sneezes]

Good morning, Gary.

[sneezes]

[sneezes]

Ahh!

[sneezes]

Ah--ah--ah-- [sneezes]

Ahh!

- You okay in there, SpongeBob? [chuckles]

- Oh, morning--[sneezes]

Morning, Squidwa-- [sneezes]

- Oh my, having a little sneezing fit are we?

- Yeah, I think you were right. I must be allergic to my house.

- Oh, that's too bad. I guess you'll have to move.

- Move? - Yes. You can't stay here

or your allergy will just get worse.

Hey, look at that. - Look at what?

[sneezes] - See?

Your allergy is already getting worse.

- But--but where will I go? - Don't worry, SpongeBob.

I'll help you find a great new home...

far away from here.

- But, Squidward, I love this old pineapple.

We've had a lot of good times together.

Whee!

- [laughing]

[laughter]

- [sneezing]

Oh, Squidward, my sneezing is getting worse.

I'll miss my pineapple, but I guess you're right.

I ha--[sneezes] I have to move.

- Now you're talking.

Trust me, you'll feel so much better

when you're clear of me-- your pineapple.

- Squidward, you're a good friend.

- I know.

- This would make a great new house, what do you think?

- Eh.

- * Ohh...

* Who lives in a banana under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- Whoa! I don't know.

- How about this spicy number?

- * Ohh...

* Who lives in a hot pepper under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - [grunting]

- Hot listing, but no.

- Well, there's a yummy one. - Mmm.

- * Ohh...

Who lives in a chicken parmesan hero under the sea?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- [chuckles]

Nope.

- How 'bout this one?

- Not bad, but let's think outside the box.

- Okay, so that's a no.

I think I know what you're looking for.

How about this for space?

- Hey, what's this lever do? - [grunts]

- Automatic balconies! - [grunts]

- Squidward, watch this. - Wait, wait, no, no, no!

[grunting]

- Hey, Squidward, this is great. What does this button do?

- [yelling] - [laughing]

- [groaning]

- That's what it does.

Aww, why couldn't I live in that last place?

- Oh, that house was too dangerous for you. Ow.

Besides, it was just a house.

But this is a castle with a moat and everything.

It's a long way from Bikini Bottom.

- I know. - Huh?

- I mean, don't worry about it.

It's a short 11-hour commute to the Krusty Krab from here.

- Well, I don't know, Squidward.

It doesn't seem like the safest neighborhood.

- All right, SpongeBob, this is the last house on my list,

but I think it's got everything you're looking for.

What do you think?

- I don't know. It doesn't look like much.

both: Wow.

- Pretty!

- [grunts]

This place is amazing.

It's like living in the future.

- Ooh, check out these cool stairs.

Whee!

- Uh, SpongeBob? - Whee!

- [grunting] - Squidward? Squidward?

[both grunting]

- This place is awesome.

[back cracking] - Yeah, it is, isn't it?

I can't believe I get to live here.

It's so much cooler than your house.

- [grunting] You're right.

This place is way too cool for you.

- Wait, what? - I mean, living in a place

like this can put a lot of pressure on a guy.

The constant attention you get,

and all the fabulous parties you'd host.

[playing flute]

Eh? - Oh, it's quite good.

- Certainly worthy of this house.

- [whimpering] - Indeed.

- Not to mention all the covers

of "Cool Calamari" you'd have to pose for.

No, I can't let you go through that, SpongeBob.

So I tell you what, I'll live here for you.

- Yeah, but where will I live? - You can have my old house.

- Really? That is so nice of you.

That way I'll be one house closer to Patrick.

- Great, it's a done deal.

So if you don't mind, I have a lot of settling in to do.

Bye-bye. - Okay, so I guess

I'll see you la--

- [sighs] Now this is how I was always meant to live.

[chuckles and yawns]

Bedtime.

Oh, a built in alarm clock. Hoo, this place has got it all.

[beeping]

[snoring]

[horns blaring] - Ten, nine, eight...

Wha--what's happening? - Seven, six, five...

- Oh, no. It's not an alarm clock.

It's a countdown! - Four, three, two, one.

- [screaming]

Huh? What--what the-- uh.

That was horrible.

But this is even worse!

Ahh!

- Doink. Now this really feels like home.

Ahh!

- [groaning]

- Squidward, you dropped in for a visit.

- I am not visiting.

This is my house and I want it back.

- Sorry, Squidward, but you gave it to me fair and square...

pants.

Besides, if I move out now, I have no where to go.

- Okay, fine, I'll just take your old pineapple.

Huh?

- Sorry, Squidward, but this is my house now.

[chomps]

- Well, then, where am I supposed to live?

- Night, Squidward. - [grumbles]

[sneezes] Ow.