Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- * Ohh...

* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Absorbent and yellow and porous is he *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * If nautical nonsense be something you wish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

*

[waves crashing]

[cheerful ukulele music]

*

- [snoring]

[foghorn blares]

[mumbles indistinctly]

[crash]

- Meow, meow, meow, meow.

[grunting]

- Yeah, I am ripped.

- [grumbling meows]

- [mumbles]

- Meow!

Meow.

[snoring]

- [screaming]

Whoa!

[thud]

[eyes pop] [groans]

[screaming]

[steam hisses]

[screaming]

[clunk] [groans]

- Hey there, have you recently been involved in an accident?

Well, have you? - Well, yes. Yes, I have.

- Well, then you need life insurance.

- Life insurance?

- What? Is there an echo in here?

Do yourself a favor, kiddo.

Sign here, and you'll be protected.

- I--hmm? No. Um...no.

[rubber duck squeaks] Wait--no.

Wait-- - Here!

- Ah! Okay, thanks.

[pen squeaking]

- And while you're at it, clumsy, why not buy two?

- Okay. [pen squeaking]

- [laughs gleefully]

[knock at door] - Ooh!

[humming]

- Hey, SpongeBob! You're in your underwear.

That's cool.

I got your mail.

What is it?

[elastic stretches and pops]

- It's my life insurance. I got one for you too.

- Oh, boy! Life insurance!

[boinging] Life insurance!

Life insurance!

Life insurance! [crash]

Life insurance!

What's life insurance?

- I'm not sure, but I think it means

that for the rest of our lives, we are protected.

We can't get hurt.

- Mm...

[chomping]

[spits] The contract tastes legitimate,

but I don't believe it.

- Well, let's try to get hurt, and we'll see.

- Ha! Well, finally, something I'm good at.

[both laughing]

[grunts] - Remarkable.

- [grunts]

- You can hit me all you want... - [grunts]

- Yet I can't be damaged.

This life insurance is really working.

- [grunts] I've become unbreakable!

[both laughing]

[relaxing music]

- Why, yes, I do race sea horses.

[squishy smash] [laughter and grunting]

Oh, I don't know if I'd call myself

an international playboy.

[laughter and grunting] [growls]

[both laughing] - [grunts]

- [laughs] [bonk]

- Just what are you two ignorami doing out here?

- We're trying to hurt each other.

- Oh! - Don't--hey--what the--

- You got a sea spider on your head.

- It's not a sea spider, you dope.

It's my hair.

both: Mm...

[bonking and laughter]

- Wait a second. Hurt each other?

Oh, I'm gonna enjoy seeing this.

- [laughs] [clunk]

- [laughs]

Whoa! [boing]

[both laugh]

- Stop! Stop! Stop!

I thought you said you were trying to hurt each other.

- Uh-huh, we're trying.

- Well, you're not gonna do any damage

with soft pillows.

Here, try this.

- Okay. - [screams]

- Squidward was wrong.

Didn't hurt him, just made him disappear.

- [groaning]

Ah! Sea spider!

[metallic smashing] [grunting]

Uh! [mumbles indistinctly]

- Oh--oh, no, Patrick, I'm slipping...

and falling! [screams]

[thud]

I didn't even break a bone!

- My turn!

[stammering] I'm losing my footing!

No!

I survived a deadly fall unhurt!

- Life insurance.

- Hi-ya! Hi-ya!

- What? I can't hear you!

- Hi-ya!

- Turn the volume up inside of your voice!

- I said-- [screams]

[mumbles indistinctly]

- Squidward, what were you yelling?

- I was trying to say

you got to fall from something higher.

- Sea spider!

[smashing and grunting]

[whistles buzzing]

- [startled mumbling]

[splash] Ah! My baby.

[grumbling]

[whistles buzzing] - Once again, I'm asking,

what are you doing? - It's our final test.

We're trying to get jellyfish to sting us

to prove we can't get hurt.

- What?

- [inhales deeply] [horn blares]

- Oh! Me! Me! Sting me! Over here!

- Sting me, sting me, sting me. - Blast me with your venom!

- Zap me with your pain juice!

- Sting me, please! - Sting me, sting me, sting me.

- You're the ones asking-- [zap]

[screams]

- Gee, Squidward, maybe you should get some life insurance.

[crusty cracking] - What are you yammering about?

- I bought some life insurance for Patrick and myself,

and now we can never be hurt.

- Yeah. To test out the life insurance,

we even built a super dangerous obstacle course

across the street.

- We call it The Sushi Maker.

[thunder booms]

Squidward, I think you need this more than I.

I would like to present you with my life insurance policy.

- [groans] - Actually, you better take two,

since you're kind of a klutz.

[thud] [grunts]

- Better take two? Life insurance?

[growls] You giblet heads!

No piece of paper can protect a person from getting hurt.

[both gasp] - [whimpers]

- Yay! It works!

- You're untouchable!

- Oh, that was a coincidence.

- Driving's hard.

[tires squealing]

- [screams]

[dramatic music]

both: Yay! Life insurance!

- You are magically protected.

-Whoo-hoo! - Whoo!

- Oh, it was luck! Dumb luck!

[thunder rumbling]

Look, I'll prove it. You stand here.

[zapping] [both wailing]

- Huh? Hmm? Oh.

- You see, Squidward? You're immune!

- You can't be hurt! - Yeah!

- You are a cast-iron Squidward.

both: Life insurance! Life insurance!

- Wow, I can't believe it,

but you two sub-geniuses were right somehow.

I can't be broken. I'm indestructible!

I am shatterproof!

Watch this. [pop]

[cheerful ukulele music]

[giggling]

- What you gonna do, Squidward?

- What does it look like?

I'm running into a...

[fabric tears] Wall!

*

- [gasps]

Yes. That's just what it needed.

I'll call the painting "One Hole."

Oh, it's genius!

[both panting] [fabric tears]

Ugh! Three holes?

That makes no sense!

- Did you see that?

I ran right through a brick wall.

I'm hard as nails!

Come on, world! Bring it on!

- Hmm. [panting]

- Oh, perfect.

- [slurping]

- Pfft. Big tough guy.

- What are you doing, Squidward?

- Just watch.

- [slurps] [grumbles]

- Enjoying your sherbert, Herbert?

- My name's not Herbert.

- Oh, I know it's not.

Your name is "Hey." What's your name?

[smack] - Hey!

- Told ya! Here, let me help you.

[wallop] - [groans]

- Funny, didn't feel a thing.

- Uh, Squidward, I don't think you should lick that.

It's got germs. - Ha! Germs can't hurt me.

Nothing can hurt me!

[germs screaming]

[whoosh]

[splat]

As a matter of fact,

do you know what I'm gonna do now?

I'm gonna run your super dangerous obstacle course.

You know why?

- Mm-mm. - No.

- Because now I've got moxie!

[both scream]

both: Wait, what's moxie?

[heavy metal music]

*

- [yawns]

*

[legs clattering]

- What goes on, boyos?

- Squidward is gonna try out The Sushi Maker.

- Why does he want to do that? - Oh, don't worry, Mr. Krabs.

He's got life insurance. He can't be hurt.

- That's not how life insurance works.

- It's not? - Course not!

Life insurance is money the beneficiary gets

when a person dies.

By the way, who gets the money?

- Well, let's see.

[slide whistle ascending]

No name here. - Hooray!

Hmm.

[pen clicks]

[mumbling] Eugene H. Krabs.

Go, Squidward!

Yay!

Fly high! Do or die!

Preferably the latter. [cackles]

- D-d-d-d-do or die?

Squidward, come down!

You're not invincible!

Life insurance is not what you think!

You were right! Oh, it was just dumb luck.

- Now I'm yelling too!

- Oh, what are those ninnies going on about now?

I can't hear you!

Just shut up and watch me.

[plop] Nah--hey!

- Come back, Squidward! Don't do this!

- Will you stop shaking it?

[screams]

[bubbles gurgling]

[screams]

[clunk]

[slide whistle ascends and descends]

[clunk]

[thud] [machine hisses]

No, no, no, no, no!

[sticky scrunches] [strained shouting]

[pop]

[wallops and groans]

*

[splatters and groans] [mechanical rattling]

Ow... Eeh! Eeh! Eeh!

[muffled shouting] [mechanical humming]

[cannon booms] [screams]

[clunk] [groans]

[bell ringing]

[thud] [grunts]

[kids chattering indistinctly] [squeaking and honking]

Ow...

- Hey, Squidward, guess what I learned today.

Apparently, a life insurance policy

doesn't protect a person from injury.

Heh, how about that? - Ha, how 'bout that?

[spits]

- Squidward, how did you survive The Sushi Maker?

[pop] [grunts]

It had to be this.

- Ah! both: Sea spider!

[both grunting]

[upbeat seafaring music]