Original subtitles

[Plankton humming]

- Oh, Planky-bear.

Plankton.

- [continues humming]

- Plankton!

- What?

What is it, Karen?

Can't you see I'm working here?

- Yes, but I wanted to show you

my new screen saver.

What do you think?

- Great.

- You didn't even look.

- [sighs] No, I didn't.

Can't you see I'm working on

my new molecular analyzer?

Now all I need is the smallest molecule of a patty,

and the formula will be mine!

- Just tell me if I should

permanently upload this screen saver!

- I said not...

[lever clicks, tube hisses] Now-ow-ow!

[screams]

[Plankton whooshes] Ow!

[loud smash]

[gasping]

[whimpers]

[shrieks]

[snaps, yelping]

[electricity zaps, Plankton screams]

[screaming]

- Analyzing.

30% mean guy,

20% spiteful monster,

50% evil butthead.

Sample is...

100% big jerk.

- [grunting, yelps]

- I have also analyzed

your screen saver, Karen.

It is most beautiful.

- No one asked you.

[loud smash]

Are you happy now, Karen?

- No, I'm not.

I was just trying to make myself pretty for you,

but do you even care?

All you ever do is make stupid schemes

about stupid sandwiches!

- Stupid?

Your new screen saver is stupid,

and it makes your processor look fat!

[explosions]

- What?

- Oop.

Okay, let's all calm down

before you say something you'll regret.

- You know what?

No one talks to me like that.

Get out!

- I will not get out.

This is my restaurant,

and no one can make me...

leave!

[thuds] Ow!

Karen, baby.

Come on, sugar lips,

you know I'm sorry for everything I said.

[portcullis thuds, Plankton yelps]

- I accept your apology.

- I wasn't talking to you, idiot!

[squishes, Plankton screams]

Pain!

Okay, Karen, fun is fun,

but it's time to let me back in.

Come on, I really need to use the potty!

[metal doors thud, lasers hum]

Fine, I don't need you or the Chum Bucket!

I got plenty of friends around here

who would love to take me in.

So is it cool if I crash here? - No.

- Then can I just use your bath room?

[thuds, yelps]

- Plankton, I know where this is going.

I'd love it if you'd stay with me!

- Are you crazy?

You're the most annoying sponge in the sea.

I wouldn't stay with you

if you were the last person in Bikini Bottom.

- [slurping]

- [whimpering]

- Suit yourself.

[slurping resumes]

- Okay, fine!

[grunting]

[toilet flushes]

Whew!

Much better.

Thanks for letting me use your bathroom.

- [laughs] Silly, that's not my bathroom.

- Well, in that case,

you're gonna need some new shoes.

- Oh, boy!

Does this mean you're gonna stay with me?

- Yes!

- Yeah!

[celebratory fanfare]

We're gonna be the best roommates ever!

Oh! Wanna do each other's hair?

[laughs] - Oh, forget this!

- [laughs]

- Oh, my love, what a fool I've been.

You've always been the only one for me.

[both smooching]

- [sniffling]

- Aw, Plankton.

I am so sorry that

Karen threw you out.

- Threw me out?

I threw her in!

- Hey, this is your safe place.

It's okay to talk about your feelings.

Oh, somebody's tense!

- Hey! What?

Get off!

Get--Oh!

[moaning, laughs]

Oh, that's the spot.

- Now, tell SpongeBob why you and Karen got into a fight.

- I don't know, I was just doing

the same things I always do.

- Well, if Karen threw you out

for doing the same things you always do,

maybe you should learn to not do

the same things you always do!

- But I'm the best.

- Well, sometimes you can get a little...

aggressive.

- Me, aggressive?

How dare you?

[smacking and grunting]

[panting]

Maybe you're right.

I can be a big jerk sometimes.

I command you to help me be a nicer person!

I mean, will you please,

please help me be a nicer person

so Karen will take me back?

- Plankton, in a word: yes!

- What is that dimwit doing here?

- Ahh! Oh, behind me!

Oh, get away!

- Will you stop that?

There's no one behind you!

You're the dimwit.

- Oh.

Thanks!

- All right, Plankton,

the first step to becoming a nicer person

is being thoughtful.

Try holding a door for someone.

It's simple, and it makes people happy.

Like this.

After you.

- [laughs] I'm happy, SpongeBob!

[smooches]

- [laughs]

- Can someone get me out of here?

Whew!

- All right, Plankton. Now you try!

- Fine, but if he kisses me, I'm gonna lose it.

- [humming]

- Ugh. After you.

[grunting]

[continues grunting]

Whoa!

- Try this one.

- After you.

- But I can't fit through there.

- How dare you reject my act of kindness!

Yah! - Ahh!

[Patrick thuds, Plankton smacks and grunts]

- Plankton, no!

- Can someone get me out of here?

- [Plankton smacks and grunts] - [sighs]

Okay, Plankton,

since you don't seem to be able to do something nice,

in this lesson you're going to learn

to say something nice.

- Easy!

- Great.

So turn to Patrick and say something nice.

- Say something nice.

- Uh...

Patrick, you are not a total moron.

Just half of one.

- No, try again.

- Fine.

Your color pink is not so repugnant.

- Thanks!

I like...um...

your antennas.

- What? What's wrong with my antennas?

- Plankton, Patrick was complimenting you.

- Yeah, right.

You two are mocking me!

[smacking and grunting]

- Hey, SpongeBob?

Do you think this is working?

- No, I think we better try something else.

- [grunting]

[gasps,panting]

It's no use, SpongeBob.

I'm just too brilliant to be nice.

I'll never get Karen back now.

- Oh, yes, you will!

We obviously can't fix your terrible insides,

but maybe, just maybe,

we can work on your terrible outsides.

Makeover time!

[scissors snipping]

[humming]

[laughs]

[cheerful music]

*

- Brother.

*

- [laughing gleefully]

**

- [grunting]

[crashing]

Forget it, SpongeBob.

Karen's the perfect woman:

so smart, so conniving.

Ah, she's never gonna take me back.

- Oh, yes, she is.

You just need to do something big.

Be vulnerable, be sweet.

Show Karen your heart.

- That's a great idea!

I'll cook up a scheme to make her jealous

and crush her spirit!

[laughs]

- That wasn't even close to what I said.

- Sure it was.

And I know just how to do it.

[mimics cat meow]

- Okay, I feel uncomfortable.

Plankton, are you sure about this?

- Of course I'm sure.

Now, start doing a robot voice.

Remember, you're not SpongeBob anymore;

you're Shelby Naughtica.

- [in robot voice] Oh, I like that!

Boop beep! Beep boop boop!

- Welcome to the Chum Bucket!

Oh.

It's you.

What do you want?

- Yes, hello.

I would like your most romantic table

for myself and my beautiful date,

Shelby Naughtica,

the robot.

- Beep boop! [laughs robotically]

- Hmm.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Shelby Naughtica, huh?

Oh, what a beautiful name.

- Thank you!

- [grunts] - Ow!

[in robot voice] I mean, thank you.

Whoa! Beep boop beep bo boop!

- I'll be right back with our lovers' special.

- [laughs]

This is going so great, SpongeBob!

Karen is totally jealous.

- Here we go.

I whipped up a special batch of chum for you,

and for your lovely robot date,

a bucket of grease chock-full of nuts and bolts.

- Plankton, I don't want to eat this!

- Don't you ruin this for me, SpongeBoob.

Just eat it!

[metallic clanging, clattering]

[both gulp]

Ugh.

[grunts]

Oh, my dear Shelby Naughtica,

you are the most beautiful woman

I've ever laid my eye on.

- Oh, Plankton-poo!

You say the sweetest things.

- [scoffs] Oh, brother.

- I never knew what love was until I met you.

- Oh!

You have made me the happiest girl robot in the world!

- Hey, you!

Get your hands off my man!

- You better step off, lady.

No one can make Plankton happy like I can.

We are soulmates, and we're going to get married

and print 1,347 babies.

- 1,000 what?

- Oh, well, you're really in love.

I won't stand in your way.

Plankton's all yours.

- Yeah!

- No!

The whole point of this scheme

was for me to get Karen back,

and now you're ruining it!

- Sorry, Plankton.

You just said such nice things to me.

- Wait a second.

You're not just being a jerk?

You mean, you cooked this whole

stupid scheme up to win me back?

- Of course I did.

I'd do anything for you, baby,

even hang out with this moron.

- Oh, that is so sweet!

- Get over here, you.

- [smooches]

Ew, it's that fat screen saver again.

- What?

[smacking] - Now, Karen, take it easy.

- I'm gonna go now. [smacking continues]

- My motherboard was right about you.

She warned me about you. - [yelping]

- And I should have listened to her.

[Plankton screams]