Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

*

- [humming]

[laughing]

- And how was your meal today, ma'am?

- Oh, delicious.

I wish I could tell everyone

how great my meal was.

- Well, you're more then welcome to go to each table

and tell 'em about your satisfactory experience.

- I don't really have time to do that.

Perhaps I will mention it in my will.

- Well, if that's the way you want it.

- Wait! I have an idea.

[panting]

- Hold on a second. That's me corkboard.

It's for all me...

memos.

[cash register dings]

- Mr. Krabs, think of it now as...

a bulletin board for the community,

a place where a yearning populace

can express themselves freely.

- [humming]

[upbeat instrumental music]

*

Hmm.

Well, I was just gonna loiter,

but now I think I'll get a Krabby Patty.

*

[cash register dings]

- Hey, everybody,

a community bulletin board is here.

Tell your friends to come on down and use it

for the good of me business-- me wallet--

[stammering]

I mean, the community.

*

[indistinct conversation]

- [crying]

Community.

*

- Oh, I really hope people like it.

*

- Number one with a star.

- [laughing]

[wheel squeaking]

- See, Mr. Krabs?

The community bulletin board is a good thing.

- Yes. Yes, it is.

It's bringing me closer to my favorite part

of the community: their money.

- Let's see what other nice people are saying.

[screaming]

- What are you shrieking about?

- Nothing. I just love to shriek.

[shrieking]

- Step aside, boy, you're blocking

me moneymaking bulletin board.

[creaking]

- "When I eat at the Krusty Krab..."

Ouch.

[dramatic music]

- [gasps]

Hey, not on my bulletin board.

- Whoa, whoa, dude, what's with the censorship?

The community bulletin board is for everybody.

You can't just take something down

because you think it's bogus.

- Mr. Krabs, Surfer Fish is right.

The board is sacred, and it must be respected.

"Dear P-Star7, I'm so sorry you had

"a less than stellar experience at the Krusty Krab,

"and we promise to do better in future.

Signed, Fry-Banshee139."

Ha. Crisis averted.

Huh?

"Signed, GuyBesideU3."

- [whistling]

- Huh?

"Dumb-blurted, LOL?"

"What's the point?"

"I could make a better patty out of mud"?

Where are all these notes coming from?

- Pencils, paper.

Pencils, paper.

- I want to express the worst side of myself.

- [chuckling]

Why not?

And don't forget to feed your hatred

with a selection from our menu.

- Huh? Oh.

- If only I could figure out who this P-Star7 is.

- Hello.

[indistinct conversation]

- P-Star7 is my new hero.

- Hey, that's me.

- Yeah, right.

- He really knows how to complain.

- But I wasn't com--

- P-Star7 is cool because he's anonymous.

- Oh, yeah.

He's cool because he's a nanny mouse.

- You may not like what P-Star7 has to say,

but you have to agree that he keeps it real.

He's a true hero for our troubled times.

- Well, I'll just have to make my Krabby Patties better

so P-Star7 will like 'em.

*

Uh-huh.

[grill sizzling]

No, it's not round enough.

Maybe just a little off the edge here.

*

No, now the other side is wobbly.

I'll just even it up a little here.

*

Now it's smaller than that one.

[grunting]

Oh.

Hey, Squidward. - Yes?

- Has P-Star7 responded to my nice note yet?

- Oh, he responded hours ago.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Because I don't care?

[crowd murmuring]

- That's for me.

- His vituperative hyperbole

has certainly diminished your credibility.

- Oh, why did you have to say that?

- You're right.

I should have put it on the bulletin board instead.

"Signed, HandsomeLad42."

- You may be handsome, HandsomeLad42,

but you're very mean.

[all laughing]

- Yeah, that's a good one, yeah.

You know, all this note-writing

must be making you folks hungry.

We have a short line at the register.

- [snoring]

- I brought a bag lunch.

- [stammering] Wait a second.

None of you bulletin-board browsers

are buying me patties?

- Why would we buy food from a place

that "smells like stinky armpits"?

- What?

[sniffing]

That's not true.

- Hey, it's on the board.

- And the board is never wrong.

- Does anyone need to buy a pen?

How about some paper?

[groans]

- [crying]

- What's wrong?

- It's this P-Star7.

He's been saying terrible things about me

and the Krusty Krab.

- Oh, I think they were all good things.

- Not good.

He said the Krusty Krab

made him feel dark and empty inside.

- Well, he probably meant

his stomach was dark and empty,

and he was hungry for more.

- No, a master of acid wit like P-Star7

would never express himself so clumsily.

He called me Cry-Baby139.

- You were Fry-Banshee?

- Yeah.

- Well, maybe he just thought

it was funny,

and--and when he said that Krabby Patties

taste like old baseball gloves--

- He said that?

- Oh, not yet.

*

- [gasps]

Taste like old baseball gloves, do they?

- [laughing]

I don't know who this P-Star7 is,

but he's brilliant.

- He's a diabolical genius, that's what he is.

- [murmuring]

- Mr. Krabs, the grill's gone cold.

- Nobody's ordering, son.

It's that cursed corkboard.

I'm gonna take it down. It's nothing but trouble.

- You can't, Mr. Krabs. It's for the community.

I still believe in the power of the bulletin board.

[crowd laughing]

- "You smell."

[crowd laughing]

- "One of your eyes is too big."

[crowd laughing]

- "Close your mouth when you eat."

- [burps]

Oh.

- Oh, "This picture looks like

it was drawn by a brine shrimp!"

[crying] Oh, Daddy.

- [laughing]

Huh?

"Squidward Tentacles

"should never be allowed

"behind a cash register.

P-Star7."

Oh, that is it.

Why can't any of these yokels

understand I'm working here ironically?

- Oh, sure you are.

P-Star7 has your number, all right.

- I'm gonna give you a number...

of contusions!

[crowd cheering]

- People, can't you see what's happened?

This bulletin board has become

a bullying board.

[crowd murmuring]

- Okay that's it.

Everybody out.

- I can't believe we're being kicked out again.

Let's go to my house.

*

- Oh, P-Star7 is bringing out the worst in everybody.

I'd like to send him a message.

- We'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget.

- A lesson in polite manners.

- Or we could push him off a cliff.

- Ooh, excellent option, Mr. Squidward.

- We have to find out who this P-Star7 is.

Gentlemen, I propose a stakeout.

[crickets chirping]

Pineapple One to Mad Daddy.

Come in, Mad Daddy.

[static]

- This is Mad Daddy.

I read you, Pineapple One.

Any movement?

[static]

[suspenseful music]

- Negatory.

Pineapple One to Delicate Flower.

Come in, Delicate Flower.

- I am not answering to Delicate Flower!

[soft instrumental music]

- [groans]

- Shh. Maintain radio silence.

Wait a minute. I see something.

[suspenseful music]

*

- Ooh.

[slurping]

- So that's what happens to the ketchup stains.

*

- Surprise, P-Star7!

all: Patrick?

- [growling]

I'll tear you to pieces.

[growling]

[grunting]

[munching]

[groaning]

[upbeat music]

[machinery whirring]

*

[panting]

- Patrick.

You're P-Star7?

- Well, that's what my last note was about, SpongeBob.

I was upset that people take everything I say

the wrong way.

- So when you said that Krabby Patties

reminded you of old baseball gloves,

you really meant that they gave you the feeling

of your carefree youth.

- [munching]

Yeah, I think.

- You hear that, Boardy?

It wasn't you. It was never you.

We were the monsters all along.

- Well, I'm still angry!

And I need something to calm me down.

Ooh, this knitting circle ought to do the trick.

And you all are joining me.

Especially you, Delicate Flower.

- Oh, ratfish.

- Pineapple One to Knit Mama.

Can I needle you for a little more yarn?

[giggling]

- Oh, brother.

Please bring back P-Star7.

[all laughing]