Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

*

- You'll never get me secret Krabby Patty formula, Plankton.

Adios.

- Ahhhh!

[groaning]

- Hmm?

Plankton, you look like the cheese

that fell off the cracker.

I bet you tried to get that formula again.

- I don't get it.

A crab's brain is smaller than the point of a pencil,

but he keeps outsmarting me.

- [laughing and grunting]

- To give up that formula,

Mr. Krabs would have to be as dumb as Patrick.

- Hmm, yes, yes, he would,

as dumb as Patrick.

[cackling]

[breathing deeply]

- [snoring]

- One swab from the inside of his cheek should do it.

Ahhh!

Nagging Neptune!

Back, you twisted tongue.

You will not lick me.

Ahh!

- [burps]

- Sweet gaseous molasses.

Yahhhh!

Ehh-ehh-ehh!

Ehh-ehh-ehh-ehh!

- Augh, P.U.

What's that awful stench?

You're not boiling your underpants again, are you?

[laughter]

- I told you to turn off that laugh track.

And if you must know, I made sauce,

but when I add Patrick's DNA to it,

it will become salsa imbecilicus.

- Duuuhhhh.

- Idiot sauce!

[cackling]

I'll serve it to Krabs, and it'll make him so dumb

he'll just give me the secret formula.

Huh? Huh?

- I think I prefer the boiling underpants.

[laughter]

Let me do it. You always make a mess.

- Leave me be, woman.

- Don't tell me...

- [cackling]

Augh.

Oh, no. Ehh! Ehh! Ehh!

Augh. [farts]

[mumbling gibberish]

[thunder booming]

[rain pattering]

all: [mumbling gibberish]

- [humming]

all: [mumbling gibberish]

- [grunts]

Huh.

- [laughing

I've got the best taste in town...duh...

- I never thought that folks around here

were particularly bright, but this morning,

everyone seems as dumb as traffic cones.

- [mumbling gibberish]

- [mumbling gibberish]

- What happened to your head, SpongeBob?

- Uh... me make Krabby Patties.

- Uh, that's mud.

- [mumbling gibberish]

[farts]

[mumbling gibberish]

all: [mumbling gibberish]

- [laughing and grunting]

- Hey, Patrick, have you noticed that everyone's acting

a lot like you today?

- [gulps]

[balloon pops and hisses]

I don't understand the question.

[laughing and grunting]

- [laughing]

[gulps and burps]

- What in Sam Hill?

both: [mumbling gibberish]

- [mumbling gibberish]

- [mumbling gibberish]

Ow...ow.

all: [mumbling gibberish]

Ow! Ow!

- Hey, don't do that.

[together] Ow!

[mumbling gibberish]

- Lining up for the Chum Bucket?

Now I know everyone's got a hole in their screen door.

This place is ground zero for zeroes.

Zero as being everyone's collective IQ.

- Ahh!

Ow!

- And that's how the idiot sauce spread throughout Bikini Bottom.

I guess you weren't affected because you were protected

by your treedome.

- And you weren't affected because you're a computer.

Looks like it's up to us to find a cure for the town's idiocy.

- [grunting]

You not Plankton.

Me Plankton.

- We need to snap him out of this.

What's the opposite of dim?

- Bright?

- [mumbling]

- It's not working.

Maybe we can feed him something for brain food.

You're smart. What do you eat?

- Nuts.

- [mumbling]

- Oh, it doesn't seem to be working.

You know him; how do you get him to change?

- I usually just yell at him.

Get smart, dummy!

- Wise up! - Be clever, idiot!

- Know things!

- [laughs]

- [sighs] It's no use.

Being smart takes work.

- [gasps] That gives me an idea.

Come one, come all to Bikini Bottom University,

a free education for all.

There's no more excuse for being a dope.

Step right up, all you morons.

Classes are now beginning.

Aww, this isn't working. - Try jiggling the keys.

[keys clanging]

all: [gasp]

[chuckling]

- G'mornin' students.

Ehh...

all: [speaking gibberish]

- A whole school full of Patricks?

Looks like we've got our work cut out for us.

[upbeat music]

*

[bell dings]

[bell dings]

- [gulps]

- And don't forget your last homework assignment.

- Looks like we were able to educate

the whole town in one semester.

- Yep, day after tomorrow is graduation.

And everybody learned so well.

- Everybody but one.

- [cackling]

Yeah. - School is dumb?

You misspelled every word.

- Shut up, dweeb.

- [gasps]

- Cookbooks, eh?

You holding out on me, Krabs?

- I don't know what you're talking about, Plankton.

Leave me alone.

- I know you're cooking up something special

in Home Ec, Eugene.

I want that formula!

- Um, Plankton, can I come out now?

- Did you finish my homework for me, nerd?

- Yeah.

[grunts]

You know, you really ought to do your own homework.

It's the only way you'll learn.

- I'll never learn!

Uh...ahh!

Augh!

Not again! Augh!

- This is a proud day for everyone in Bikini Bottom.

And as a treat, Squidward will play

"Pomp and Circumstance" on the clarinet.

[clarinet squawking]

all: [groaning]

- Mm. Mmm. [chuckles]

- Hurry up, Mr. Krabs; they're handing out the diplomas.

- Just a minute.

I think I've perfected the Krabby Patty formula.

[gulps]

Yes. That's it!

- Great. Well, see you out there.

- Something smells good.

- [gasps] P-P-P-P-Plankton?

What are you doing here?

- It's the last day of school, baby.

No need to be formal.

Call me Sheldon.

Great Neptune!

That's perfection!

Whoa, with this recipe, I could own

the most popular fast-food restaurant in Bikini Bottom.

- No, please. Not that.

Anything but that.

- Hand over that secret formula, Krabs.

all: Hooray!

- Congratulations, SpongeBob.

You're smart now.

It's funny that Mr. Krabs never showed up to get his diploma.

- Yeah, the only two people who didn't show up

are Mr. Krabs and Plankton.

[gasps] Let me have that diploma.

[panting]

- Hey, no running in the halls.

- Eee-eee-eee-eee.

- Here you go, Plankton.

- Mr. Krabs, your diploma.

- Thanks to this here diploma, I'm suddenly smart enough

to never give you me secret formula.

- What?

If I knew education worked like that,

I would have bought a diploma years ago.

- Of course it doesn't work like that, you microscopic meathead.

I took accelerated classes and graduated months ago.

This diploma is just a formality.

- But--but you were just about to give me the formula.

You were scared of me.

- Excellent, Mr. Krabs.

Here's your final grade for acting class: A-plus.

I really felt the fear.

- Wait. What?

Acting class?

No!

- You've finally been schooled, dropout.

- Oof.

Ahh!

[laughter]

- Come on, evil genius.

Time to start your post-college years.

- [whimpering]

[Hawaiian music]

*