Original subtitles

[nautical music]

*

[rope creaking]

[suspenseful music]

- Oh, look at that cloud, Gary.

It looks just like a giraffe eating ice cream.

- [meows] - You're right, Gary.

All this cloud-watching...

[stomach grumbles] is making me hungry too.

Ooh! Look at that big one, Gary.

And getting bigger and bigger

and bigger and bigger and--ow!

[dramatic music]

- [meow]

[sniffing]

- Hey, Gary. That was a pretty heavy cloud.

- [meows] - You're right, Gary.

It's not a cloud at all. [grunts]

Let's see what's inside.

[grunting]

Ooh, fortune cookies!

Vague prophecies baked into delicious bite-sized snacks.

These cookies can see the future, Gary,

which means they knew we were hungry even before we did.

Let's eat! Mmm!

[both eating noisily]

[reading]

[gasps] Did you hear that, Gary?

The fortune is true!

Let's look at your future.

"Happy trails will follow you always."

[gasps] Your fortune came true too!

Cookies with fortunes that actually come true?

We have to share these with everybody!

- No, SpongeBob, we are not handing out

anything free with every purchase.

Even the smiles here cost a nickel.

- Aw! Why not, Mr. Krabs? - [laughs]

Because, SpongeBob, fortune cookie fortunes

are always lame and they never come true.

- Oh, but that is where you're wrong, Squidward.

These fortune cookies are different.

Try one.

- No. - Oo-oop!

- Eh.

[chewing]

[sighs] "You will be rewarded

for your particular talents." Right.

- Excuse me, Mr. Squidward Tentacles?

You have just won

"The Most Miserable Cashier In Bikini Bottom" contest.

Here's your cash prize. Ha ha!

[tooooot]

- Holy harpoons! The fortune did come true!

- Me cash register, me money.

- And that's why my depression is award-winning.

- Don't you see, Mr. Krabs?

The fortunes in those cookies are real!

Can't we share them with everyone?

- [gasps, coughs]

You know, you're right, SpongeBob.

We must share these magical macaroons

with all the folks in Bikini Bottom.

You just leave it to me.

- Oh, great!

- [sighs] Great.

- This is how you hook 'em.

Now remember, the first one is free!

[inhales, blows]

[crowd talks excitedly]

- [chewing]

"Something wonderful is about to happen to you".

[overlapping yipping]

[laughs] I love puppies!

Thanks, fortune cookie!

- Oh. "Eat your hat,

and you will fall in love."

Ha ha. [chewing]

[gasps]

- [chewing] Hmm?

- [sighs]

- [gulps] Ah!

[both laughing]

both: Thanks, fortune cookie.

- "You will soon injure your legs"?

My legs!

I was looking for an excuse to get out of jury duty!

[plays riff] Thanks, fortune cookie!

- Those fortune cookies are a hit!

Whoa!

[all talking at once]

- Fortune cookies at the Krusty Krab, eh?

Well, Eugene, I have a prediction too:

you are in for an epic fail supreme with extra cheese.

[laughs] - Sheldon!

Where are you?

- [screams]

[groans]

Barnacles, woman, would it kill you

to leave me alone for five minutes?

- Sorry, your lordship,

but the garbage isn't going to take itself out.

- Ugh! [grunts]

Riddle me this, computer wife:

What's hollow, full of lies,

and leaves a bad taste in your mouth?

- Our marriage?

- No! Fortune cookies!

And Krabs is raking it in right now

because all of his fortunes are actually coming true.

So... - So, you've got an evil plan

to get the Krabby Patty secret formula

and soon it will be yours, all yours.

[as Plankton] Wah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!

- Wow, I can't tell if you're sarcastic or psychic.

- [groans]

- [chuckling]

Ooh, this'll be a good one.

"You...stink."

[laughs]

[continues laughing]

[suspenseful music]

*

Enjoy your new fortune cookies, Krabs!

- * La la la-la-la-la-la-la *

Time for a refill!

[crowd all talking excitedly]

- What is my future?

- My tentacles are gonna fall off

if I don't get a break soon, Mr. Krabs!

- Look out, Mr. Squidward.

I'll teach you how to run a cash register.

[cracks knuckles]

[nautical music speeds up]

Huh? More cookies, SpongeBob!

- Fortunes flying in, Mr. Krabs!

- Let the wave of misfortune begin!

- "You will get stomach cramps from the Krusty Krab"?

- "An octopus with a big nose just spit in your food"?

[melodramatic accent chords]

*

- "A yellow sponge will serve you salmonella"?

- "You will live forever if you eat at the Chum Bucket"?

- Let's eat at the Chum Bucket!

[all cheering]

- [whimpering]

[crowd talking excitedly]

- What did we ever do to those fortune cookies

to make them lie about us like that?

- Well, the fortunes in those cookies

were always right before.

Here, Mr. Krabs--maybe this next one'll change your luck.

- [grumbling]

Hmm. "Unless you give a tiny copepod

"the Krabby Patty secret formula,

you will die"?

- Hello! Did someone say "copepod"?

[both screaming in panic]

Just wanted to borrow a cup of grease, Eugene.

I'll come back later! Ciao!

- J-just how true are these cookie fortunes, SpongeBob?

- If the cookie says it's true, then it's true!

Horribly, terribly, truthfully true!

[weeping loudly]

- "You will die."

[voice echoing] Die...die...die...

- [crying]

- Oh, I'll miss you, Daddy! [sobs]

But I really can't wait to spend

all your hard-earned money on shoes!

- Me money!

- Mr. Krabs, no! [wailing loudly]

- [grunts] - [wailing]

[distantly] Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs, it's time.

- Aah-ha-ha! - It's time to give up

the secret formula to Plankton.

Because your life is worth more

than some scrap of paper in a bottle!

- You're right, me boy-o.

I got to face me fortune.

- Don't crowd, there's more chumbalaya

where that came from, unfortunately.

- [grunts]

[all chewing]

all: Ugh!

- It's worth it to live forever.

- This scheme is working perfectly.

And here comes gullible Krabs now

to hand-deliver the secret formula.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

[laughs]

- Oh, this crowd is impossible!

- Leave it to me, Mr. Krabs!

I'll make sure Plankton gets his so you won't get yours.

Hot stuff comin' through!

[grunts]

[grunting noisily]

[whimpering]

- Don't worry, secret formula! I'm coming, baby!

[grunting]

- Yow! Ow!

- [struggling]

- [gasping excitedly]

- [grunting]

Me wants that ba-ba!

- Aah!

- Here, Plankton. Mr. Krabs wants you to have this.

- Heh, heh! Finally!

[straining]

No!

*

Whoa--[grunts]

Aah, aah!

[screams]

I have had enough!

Get out of my restaurant, you mindless sheep!

I wrote those fortunes!

[all gasp] They were fakes!

Don't you get it? Now all of you, out!

[growls]

- Let's go back to the Krusty Krab!

all: Yeah! - Yeah, back to the Krusty Krab!

all: Yeah!

- Hmm hmm. - [sighs]

- I guess I didn't really think that through.

- I figured the funeral fortune was phony, Flankton!

- Oh, yeah?

What are you gonna do about it, Eugene?

- Nothing, Sheldon.

Here, have a fortune cookie.

- [grunts] Huh.

"You will go on a long voyage

where you will get everything you deserve."

Hey!

[grunts]

Uhh! Hey! Oof!

Mommy! - [chomp]

[ukulele music]

*