Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- * Ohh...

* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Absorbent and yellow and porous is he *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * If nautical nonsense be something you wish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

*

[waves crashing]

[upbeat music]

*

[upbeat rock music playing]

[horn honking] - Huh?

[gasps]

It's here! Yee-haw!

My newest science book has arrived.

I wonder what new and fantastic area of science

will be revealed to me this month.

Oh, hey, it's them fancy bloomers I ordered too.

This day just keeps getting better.

Ah.

"Behavioral psychology

is the study of people and their habits."

I've studied underwater chemistry,

geology, and astronomy,

but I've never studied underwater people.

Sandy Cheeks, day one of behavioral study

of subjects in Bikini Bottom.

Initiating observations... now!

- My wife said she wouldn't even try it,

no matter how much I salt the legumes.

- My daughter Amanda is exactly the same.

It's always an argument.

I mean, I've tried to--

- Older lumpy-looking female subject,

obviously a mother, hates daughter.

- Excuse me!

- Subject asked to be excused,

but I am unable to observe what she wishes to be excused from.

- Hey, creepy squirrel,

what's with all the eavesdropping?

- Take a hike, mammal!

- Subjects' emotional state seems to be rising in anger.

Eyebrows are now considerably furrowed.

- [grunting] - [screaming]

[grunting]

I got to find new subjects...

who won't mind being observed.

[laughter]

Eureka!

- Hey, that's my line.

[laughter]

- Hey, fellas.

How'd you like to be a part of my cool experiment?

- [exhales deeply]

Ooh, I could use a mint. Mmm.

- No, Patrick.

It's an experiment in behavioral psychology.

- That doesn't sound tasty.

- What do we have to do?

- It's easy.

I observe you while you two act normal.

- Act normal? - Yeah.

Just do what you would naturally do.

Be natural.

Starting...now!

- Uh, natural greeting to you, friend.

- Natural greeting returned.

- Would you like to have some natural fun?

- Oh, yes, please.

- Naturally. [babbling]

- Ugh, all right. Experiment's done.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

What are the results?

- [laughing] Did we do good?

- Oh, can I have an A-plus?

- Oh, oh, yes! I want an A-plus too!

Oh! Pretty please, pretty please, pretty please?

- Pretty please with sugar on top?

- Yes, yes.

You both get an A-plus.

- Whoo! - I knew it!

- Whoo!

- Subjects acting natural. Resume observation.

- Aha. - I got an A-plus!

both: A-plus, A-plus, A-plus. A-plus, A-plus, A-plus.

- Oh, forget it.

[laughter]

"When a subject is aware of being observed,

it can affect his or her actions and create inaccurate data."

Hmm.

- [babbling]

- Double eureka!

both: That's our line!

- Hey, are you guys up for another experiment?

- Oh, boy, am I ever!

Can you hook us up to electrodes

or--or expose us to gamma rays?

- Ehhh...

- It's a guaranteed A-plus.

- Oh! It's like a dream!

- Okay, first thing.

Go to the beach and fill one bucket

with white sand

and one bucket with black sand.

Can you do that? - Easy sneezy!

- [sneezes]

- Eww. - Eh...

Yeah, whatever he said.

- Then off you go. [laughter]

Time to get to work.

[spy music]

*

- Sandy!

We're back.

- Good job, fellers!

- We're an awesome team! - We sure are, buddy.

- Okay, team,

for this experiment, I need you to count

the grains of sand in each bucket,

then tell me if there are more black grains

or more white grains,

or is it the same amount?

All right, then.

I have to run some errands, but I'll be back later.

- [laughs] Aye, aye, Captain Sandy.

- Oh, and, Patrick, you're in charge.

- Oh...

[blipping]

- All systems check.

- Well, let's get counting.

Should we both count white sand

and move on to the black sand,

or do you want to have your own bucket?

- I'm in charge. I'm in charge.

I'm in charge.

- So what's it gonna be, boss?

- Uh...the first one?

- [laughs] You're in charge.

- I'm in charge. - One...

[clears throat] - I'm in charge.

Two...

- Three. - I'm in charge.

I'm in charge.

I'm in charge.

- 47. 47?

- Uh? Huh? What?

- Lost you there for a little bit.

We were at 47?

- I don't know if I want to do it this way.

- Okay, boss man, how do you want to do it?

- Uh... oh, oh...

- How about you count the white sand

and I count the black sand?

- Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's it.

48, forty...nine!

Oh, oh, 50!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...

- Seven... both: Eight, nine, ten.

- Oh!

- Time to initiate the first variable.

One big bowl, one small bowl.

Exactly eight ounces per bowl.

Free ice-a cream. Free ice-a cream!

A-one day only!

Get your free-a ice cream!

- Oh, boy! Let's go!

- You're the boss. - Free ice-a cream-a!

- Oh, my sea stars, free ice cream.

- Hey, boys.

How'd you like a nice-a free-a bowl

of tuttsi fruitsi ice-a cream-a?

[both panting]

Okey-a-dokey.

- One free ice cream, please.

- All sold out. Maybe we'll get some later!

- Ow!

[grumbling]

Lousy first come, first serve.

- Um, your--your bowl is bigger.

- You want to trade? - Yeah.

- Hmm? Mm-mm...

You got more ice cream.

- Patrick, I think your ice cream only looks smaller

'cause the bowl is big.

- Well, I want to trade back.

There's only one fair thing to do.

- What's that?

Patrick, you call that fair?

- I'm in charge.

- Ah... Oh, yeah.

- Time for variable two.

More free-a ice cream here.

Now in-a same sized cones.

- Huh? I just got my slippers on.

- Here you go! - I'll take those, my good man.

- Oh, but, Patrick, I-- - I'm in charge.

- Uh, one cone, please. - All gone!

- Ow!

[grumbling]

For the love of Pete!

- Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now?

Can I have my cone now? Can I have my cone now?

- Mm... hmm...

Rub my feet first. - Oh, come on!

- Who's in charge? - All right, I'll rub your feet.

Eww.

Hey, my ice cream is melting all over your hand.

- Oh... I'll fix that.

- Patrick, you are making very poor choices!

- Don't you back-sass me!

I'm in charge,

and you have to do what I say.

Now...count that bucket of white sand.

- All right, I will.

1,893,601, 1,893,602,

1,893,603.

Done! Now to count the black sand.

- Oh, that's a pity.

Looks like you'll have to start over.

- [screams]

Enjoying that ice cream, Patrick?

- Yes, I am.

- Would you like sprinkles on it?

- Hey!

- Jeepers, I didn't see that coming.

- You don't leave until I say so!

[both growling]

- Sandy to Gary, Sandy to Gary,

how serious is the situation?

- [mewling]

- Oh, I didn't think this all the way through.

I've got to shut this down!

[alarm buzzing]

- Aha! I want my free--

- Open the door! The experiment is over!

Open the door!

- You heard Sandy. Open the door!

- You open it! - No, you open it!

- No, you open it! [explosion]

- Mr. Pavlovi, tell SpongeBob to open the door!

- It's me, Sandy!

The experiment is over!

- But we didn't even finish counting the sand.

- I didn't care about the sand.

I just wanted to observe you acting naturally,

so I hid microphones and cameras around your house--

both: Cameras?

- Et tu, Gary?

- [meows]

- [crying]

I was a monster.

I deserve a C-minus.

- Aw, Patrick, don't be so hard on yourself.

It was the experiment's fault that you were such a jerk.

- I blame science, stupid science.

- Everybody gets an A-plus

and-a ice-a cream-a!

[both laughing and cheering]

- [grumbles]

What is going on?

I know it's a stupid question,

but is there any ice cream left?

- Oh...eesh, sorry, we're all out.

- You ate it all? You animals!

You didn't even leave me one drop?

There's got to be some left in here!

[crying]

- Now let the real experiment begin.

- Come on! Get in my mouth!

Oh, this one's empty!

[soft tropical music]