Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- * Ohh... *

* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Absorbent and yellow and porous is he *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * If nautical nonsense be something you wish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob

SquarePants!

[laughing]

* *

[waves crashing]

[Hawaiian music]

*

- I don't get it. What's an audit?

- I don't know, let me check the rules.

[groans]

Eh, playing "Certified Public Accountant"

isn't as much fun as I thought.

Maybe it'll be funner if we play louder.

- I am rolling the dice!

Now I am moving!

"Run spreadsheets"?

- What does that even mean? - [grumbles]

- Maybe I'm supposed to run around

with this sheet we spread on the ground!

- Yeah, that sounds right to me!

[laughs]

- [growls]

[both laughing]

- Hey, Squidward, want to play

"Certified Public Accountant" with us?

- Oh, let me think. That sounds so--No!

- [laughing]

I don't think this game is ripe.

- Yeah, maybe it got picked too soon.

- [snickers] What, do you think that games

grow on trees?

Ha ha ha.

- Doesn't everything grow on trees?

- No, you ninny. Somebody makes them.

- Makes them?

- Yeah, somebody thinks up the game,

then they make the game.

- Then I could make a game?

- No, you couldn't. You would be incapable.

- Well, I think Patrick could make up a game.

- The operative word there is "think."

- Yeah. The oper-nive word is "think."

[laughs] Thanks, Squidward, I'll do it!

- Go get 'em, Patrick.

- [sighs] Double morons.

- I invented a game! I invented a game!

- Whoopee. Do tell.

Well, you know how hard tic tac toe is

and how it always takes so long to play?

- Uh-huh. - Yeah, well,

I made it easier and faster.

- [sighs] I know I'm gonna hate myself

for saying this, but what have you got?

It's called "tic-tac."

You start with two lines that are crossed,

and then the first person puts an X,

and then the next person puts a...

- O.

- Oh, yeah, an O,

and the first person to get two in a row

draws a line through them and says, "Tic-tac."

You start.

- Tic-tac.

- Uh... Best two out of four?

[whimpering]

- Tic and tac.

- I should have gone with my first idea--"tic."

Squidward, I got a new game!

It's called "Rock, Paper, Butter."

- "Butter" invent a different game.

[laughing]

- [munching]

Squidward, I got it!

"Who's Rope is Longer?" You--

Aw! You've played this before.

Sandy, I've been trying to invent a game,

but every game I invent is a failure.

- If you want to invent a game,

you should study all the games you like

and figure out what it is you like best about them.

Then you can use those elements in the game you invent.

- [grunts]

Hmm. [grunts]

[gasps] I know what to do!

[inspiring music]

*

And so it begins.

*

[grunts]

Hmm.

*

[humming]

[laughs]

[panting]

[laughing maniacally] [thunder booms]

It's a game. It's a game!

Now I know what it's like to be a game maker!

- I don't see the point of this game night.

Every game that Patrick has "invented"

is more pointless and boring than the last.

- This time he did research.

- We haven't started, and I'm already bored.

- Well, I'm excited.

We're gonna be the first people to test out Patrick's game.

- This is gonna be written about in the history books someday.

- Yeah, in crayon.

- Good evening. Please step into my Gameatorium.

- More like a lame-atorium. Ha.

- [grunts] Welcome, gamers, and behold...

[thunder booms]

My game.

- It's beautiful.

- [yawns] Are we finished? Who won?

- [grunts] - Ha ha ha!

No, my friend. We have only just begun.

- What's it called, Patrick?

- Might I suggest "Garbage"?

- [growls] - What?

- Yeah, Patrick, what's it called?

- [straining]

It's called "Patrick! The Game"!

[thunder booms] - Wow.

- Can we just get started already?

I'm late for my coma.

- [growls] - [mumbles]

- All right. [munches]

I'll explain the rules. Okay--[gulps]

Each player picks a piece to move around the board.

The way you decide which player gets to pick their piece

is by rolling the dice.

To decide who gets to roll the dice first

to see who gets the first choice of players, you have to be---

- [grumbling] Look, Patrick, you go,

then Sandy, then SpongeBob, then me, okay?

- You mean for picking our player

or for starting the game?

- Both! - Okay.

Now, on to rules of how to play the game.

- I've got a great idea.

Why don't we just start rolling

and you can explain the game as we play?

- Hmm...

okay!

Ooh. Money!

- Yee-haw! Beachfront property.

- Driver's license! Driver's license!

What's that mean?

- On your next turn, you roll

and can move down the board,

or you can go round the racetrack

as many times as you rolled.

- Oh, what should I do? What should I do?

What should I do? - You should give me the dice,

give me the dice, because it's my turn!

[jail cell door closes]

Uh-huh.

- You go to jail. - [laughs]

- What are you in for, pal?

- My turn! [spits]

One, two-o-o.

- Oh, good thing you landed on snacks.

You must be famished.

- [munching]

- Hmm, Coral Avenue. I'll buy it.

- [humming]

12. I'll...

drive the car.

- Oh, you don't get to roll when you're in jail.

- Well, what do I do to get out of jail?

- You have to roll a six.

Hey!

You can't roll the dice when you're in jail!

- Yeah, play by the rules.

- Well, if the only way to get out of jail

is to roll a six and I can't roll if I'm in jail,

just how am I suppose to get out of jail?

[growls]

- Ah, here it is. "The guy that is in jail

"has to stay there unless he rolls a six

or someone says his name."

- Fine. Someone say my name.

[laughter]

- Oh, boy, you landed on do a surgery!

Now pick a surgery card.

- Huh.

"Remove fin bone from player to your left."

- What? Wait. Oh!

But I don't have a fin bone. I'm an octopus.

- Hush now. This won't hurt a bit.

Got it.

- Now sit back down, you criminal!

- Oh, this game doesn't make any sense.

- Sounds like someone's mad because he hasn't moved.

- Well, neither have you.

That's it. I've had enough.

- Come on, Squidward! - Don't go, Squidward.

- No, wait, Squidward! - Squidward!

- Wait. How'd he get out of jail?

- Squidward made us say his name.

- That was a smart move, Squidward.

- Huh? Oh. Mm. Hmm.

- Now you roll after me.

Five. One, two, three, four, five.

Um, I think I'll... [car horn honks]

- Race the car.

- I'll...

- Race the car!

- I'll...

race the car!

[tires squealing]

- Oh, boy, snacks!

Ah! [jail cell door closes]

- Jail for Squidward!

- But I was on Snacks.

- Tell it to the judge.

- Could someone please tell me what we are suppose to be doing?

What's the point?

This entire game is completely random.

It jumps from one thing to another.

I don't know how you are suppose to win,

and Patrick seems to be making up the rules

as he goes along!

Starving, Starving Sea Star time!

[all grunting] - Starving, Starving Sea Star!

- [munching] - Starving, Starving Sea Star!

- Okay, I'm going outside.

- If a person declares "outsidesies,"

then everyone must go outside.

- But I didn't say "outsidesies," I said--

- [humming]

- Four.

We are in a giggle zone. Everyone laugh!

[laughter]

- [growls]

- Ha.

- Two. Silly face, silly face!

- [babbling]

- Doi, doi, doi, doi!

- [groans] Oh!

- [grumbling]

- Now, that's a silly face.

- Hey, Squidward, you finally understand the rules.

- Oh, I get the rules, all right.

The rules are that it doesn't matter

what anybody rolls!

You can just make up whatever it means!

So I could just roll the dice and say, "Automatic winner"!

- Good job, Squidward, you won!

- Nice play, Squidward.

- Huh? Oh, you know what?

You're right. That was a good play.

- Not so fast.

"No player may declare himself automatic winner."

- You did it again. You made up another rule!

This game is the worst! Stupid game!

[grunting]

[grunting]

[siren wailing]

- Destruction of private property.

Oh, and I see here you're a repeat offender.

You're going to real jail. [grunts]

- Anything to get out of this game.

Thanks, officers.

- Welcome back.

- Somebody say my name!

- Game over!