Original subtitles

- Are you ready, kids?

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- I can't hear you.

all: Aye, aye, Captain!

- * Ohh...

* Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Absorbent and yellow and porous is he *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * If nautical nonsense be something you wish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

- * Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish *

all: SpongeBob SquarePants! - Ready?

all: SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

SpongeBob SquarePants!

- SpongeBob SquarePants!

[laughing]

[waves crashing]

[upbeat ukulele music]

*

- [sniffs] Ah, I tell you, Gary.

There is nothing better on a sunny day than a brisk walk.

- [mewing]

- What's the matter, pal? Walking too fast for you?

- [mewing]

- Huh? What is it, boy? Is someone in danger?

- [mews]

- Aw. Come here, little fella. I won't hurt you.

- [purring]

- Aw. I'm going to call you Señor Poopus.

Good job, Gary. Let's get him home so we can eat.

He's almost all shell.

- [mews]

- [mews]

- Boy, Señor Poopus sure is hungry.

- [purring]

- [mewing]

- Aw, he wants to play.

- Ha. What you doing, SpongeBob?

- Oh, Gary found this stray snail,

and I'm nursing it back to health.

- Huh. What about those baby snails?

They're over here.

- Aw, so tiny and hungry.

They have nobody to take care of them.

I'm going to take them home and feed them.

- Feed them to who?

- "It is important to keep baby snails warm at all times."

- My mouth is warm.

- Good suggestion, Patrick, but I've got this.

- Oh.

- [humming]

There we go.

Uh-huh. Perfect temperature.

Time to eat, my little snaily-poos.

Eat up, you little cuties.

- So...

I guess I'll be going, then.

- [giggles]

- Oh.

[loud mewing]

- Huh? one of you guys lose your bottle?

[loud mewing]

Huh?

Oh, you must be the snail mom.

- Hey, SpongeBob.

This guy found a snail in his garden,

and he didn't know what to do,

so I told him how you take care of snails.

- Thanks, pal. You're a lifesaver.

- It's a pretty good thing I thought of, huh?

- I'll call you...

Donnie.

- Oh.

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, excuse me. Pardon me.

Uh, just a minute.

- Thanks, snail guy!

- Three bags of snail chow, four bags of snail litter.

- Thanks, snail guy!

- Uh, you're welcome?

[all mewing]

Okay, will you guys just relax? You're all going to get fed.

Donnie, keep out of Walter's dish.

Orbulax, what are you doing?

Sharel, Henry, no fighting.

Jeez, my pants are getting ruined, and my head is sticky.

I got to do something about that.

- Where's my food?

- Come on, this is a lunch line, not a lunch day.

- Squidward, why aren't you taking orders

from these good people?

- I would, but what's the point?

There's no one to make the food.

- W-w-what? Where's SpongeBob?

- Let me think. No idea.

- Then you'll have to do SpongeBob's job too.

- I can't do that.

- Of course you can.

Any idiot can do it.

Now get to work.

I'm going to go find SpongeBob.

- I finally have a coupon--

- All right, calm down, everybody.

I'm here to take your order.

- Yes?

- Oh, excuse me, me lovely.

Maybe I've got the wrong house here,

but I can't say as I'm disappointed.

I was seeking me old matey SpongeBob, and--

- Oh, hey, Mr. Krabs.

- Bah! SpongeBob!

That's you, boy?

Why aren't you at work?

And why are you dressed up

like an eye-popping South Sea hula gal?

- I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, but I'm so busy

taking care of these snails.

I'll try to come in tomorrow.

- You'll try?

Listen up, me boy-o.

You'll do more than try. [snails screeching]

- Pam! Vince! You leave Electric Ronnie alone.

Mr. Buster, get off that shelf.

Nothing today. Thank you, bye, Mr. Krabs.

- [sniffles]

I can't believe that I had to do my job and SpongeBob's.

[sneezes]

Oh, what the--?

[sneezes]

Oh, it's not a cold. It's my allergies.

Hey, lady.

- Huh?

- SpongeBob, is that you?

- I don't know.

- What happened to you?

And where did all these snails come from?

- Don't worry, I'm taking very good care of all my snails.

- I'm not worried about them. I'm worried about me.

I'm allergic to snails.

- Even Gary?

- Oof!

One snail, I can handle, maybe even two or three.

But this? [scoffs] No way.

Just how many snails do you have?

- I don't know. Let's count them, shall we?

One, two, three, Mary, Donnie, Carmela, Señor Poopus, Jack, 24,

Paul, Brenda, Sharel, Steve, one that keeps barfing on the floor,

48, Orbulax, Vince, Mavis, Mavis Jr.,

Electric Ronnie, Diane, Pam, 97, Walter,

Sara, Boogaloo Shrimp, 141, Viva, Tom, Ted,

Thea, Ava, that's 164, Old Ironsides, Rhonda,

Papa Dup, he who shall not be named, 233, Sean, Andy,

Mr. Buster, Mrs. Buster, so I'll say 258.

- [muttering angrily] Enough!

You have to get rid of those snails and get back to work.

- Work? But I found my life's work--

taking care of wayward snails.

- That's it!

I'm calling the Bikini Bottom officials

so they can deal with it!

He said, like, 258.

Well, do something about it! That's why I pay taxes!

Oh, my allergies are killing me.

- Uh, hello?

Hey, man. I'm super hungry.

Where's my food, dude?

- Oh, chill your gills. I'll get your food, dude.

[sneezes]

- Uh, not so super hungry all of a sudden,

and also, I'm super not paying.

- Squidward, have you lost your ever-lovin' mind?

You cannot be sneezing all over me Krabby Patties.

The customers don't like it,

except for that guy.

[giggles creepily]

- That's it, I'm done.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, you can't abandon ship.

I'd have to work all by meself.

- Don't worry, it's not a problem.

"Any idiot" can do it, right?

- Right.

- Well, if it's snail friends he wants,

it's a snail friend he's a-going to get.

Meow.

- Oh, another little stray friend.

What is your name, little fellow?

- It's Patrick. Um, Meow.

- I think I'll call you Patrick.

[ominous music]

*

- [whimpers]

- No, no, you dirty boy. You need a bath.

- Meow, no. No! Meow.

- Hello, please.

- Excuse me, ma'am, but we've had some complaints.

- No, thank you, please.

Oh, no, Patrick, no outsidies for you.

- Meow. Help! Meow. Help!

- He said, "No, thank you, please"?

What does that even mean?

I demand you do something about those snails, now!

Oh, this has got to stop.

[phone rings]

- Oh, the bad men want to take you away from me,

but I won't let them.

[siren wails]

[gasping]

Sanctuary. Sanctuary.

Everybody in. Everybody in!

- SpongeBob is behind that fence,

and he has locked the gate.

- Oh, just quit messing around and just break down the gate.

- Wait. Maybe there's another way.

Get me a bullhorn. I want to talk to her.

- Him. - Oh, right. Him.

SpongeBob, I need you to listen to me.

- Hello.

- SpongeBob, my name is Bob Barnacle.

I run the Bob Barnacle Snail Rescue Center.

These snails all got loose

through a hole in the fence of my snail center.

I'm here to help the snails.

I'm here to help you.

- Hello.

- I know that you mean well,

but there's only so much one sponge can do.

You must be very tired from all your hard work.

My center has all the space and staff that a snail needs.

They'll be well taken care of.

I promise, the snails will be happy.

Esmeralda! - Esmeralda?

- Yes, that's her name. What did you call her?

- [chuckles] Señor Poopus.

[laughing]

So long.

I'm going to miss you guys, especially you, Señor Poopus.

I mean, Señorita Esmeralda.

- You did the right thing.

You can visit the snail center anytime.

- Thanks, Bob. We will.

But I'm going back to being a one-snail guy.

That's the way I like it.

- [mews]

- Don't forget to get your pet spayed or neutered.

- Bye, SpongeBob.

- Bye, Patrick.

[gasps] Patrick! Patrick!

Don't worry! I'm going to adopt you!