Original subtitles

- ARE YOU READY, KIDS?

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

all: AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!

- * OHH...

* WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? *

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- * ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE *

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- * IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE BE SOMETHING YOU WISH *

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- * THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH *

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! - READY?

all: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

- * SPONGEBOB

* SQUAREPANTS!

[laughing]

*

[waves crashing]

[upbeat ukulele music]

*

[SpongeBob inhaling]

- SPONGEBOB, HOW ABOUT MORE KRABBY PATTIES

AND LESS HEAVY BREATHING?

- [humming words through closed mouth]

[exhales]

- [gulps air]

- WOW!

THAT'S THE LONGEST I'VE HELD MY BREATH!

THREE WHOLE SECONDS!

I'M GONNA TRY FOR FIVE SECONDS NEXT!

[big inhale]

- KEEP THAT UP AND YOU'LL LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS...

TENTACLES CROSSED.

- [through held breath] SILLY SQUIDWARD.

I'M NOT GONNA--

- WHAT'S GOIN' ON AROUND HERE?

- [groggy babbling]

- WELL, I COULD BE ASKIN' YOU THE SAME THING, BOY!

- SORRY, MR. KRABS.

I WAS MERELY EMULATING MY LATEST MEDIA OBSESSION...

[sing-songy] KENNY THE CAT!

- "KENNY THE CAT"?

WHAT IN CLAM'S NAME IS A "THE CAT"?

- HE'S THE GREATEST UNDERSEA ATHLETE

TO ORIGINATE FROM ABOVE THE WET 'N' BRINY!

AND HE'S BEEN SHATTERING RECORDS ALL OVER,

HOLDING HIS BREATH AS HE WALKS THE OCEAN FLOOR.

I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE KENNY THE CAT!

[inhales]

THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.

HE WALKS LIKE THAT AND HOLDS HIS BREATH LIKE THAT!

KENNY IS A SENSATIONALITY!

HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED MY RECENT LETTUCE CUSTOMIZATIONS?

- NO.

- AND YOU HAVEN'T PERUSED MY COLLECTION

OF KENNY THE CAT PERIODICALS?

OR NOTICED KENNY ON EVERY TV CHANNEL KNOWN TO FISHKIND?

- UH, NO.

- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KENNY THE CAT BLIMP,

WHICH HOVERS OVER KENNY THE CAT SPORTS STADIUM?

- NEVER NOTICED IT. - HUH.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YOUR WALLET?

- [gasps] ME WALLET?

WHAT'S HE BEEN DOIN' IN THERE?

- OH, HE'S ON ALL THE NEW $50 BILLS.

- OH, THAT KENNY THE CAT!

WELL, HE'S A SENSATIONALITY!

- YEAH! AND HE'S VISITING BIKINI BOTTOM TOMORROW,

WITH HUNDREDS OF HIS RABIDLY LOYAL FANS!

- HUNDREDS, YOU SAY?

- MAYBE EVEN A THOUSAND!

[cash register dings]

- SAY, KIDDO,

WHY DON'T YOU SEE IF YOU CAN'T GET OL' KENNY

AND HIS THRONG OF FANS

TO VISIT THE OL' KRUSTY KRAB FOR A WHILE?

- I SHALL DO MY KRUSTIEST, SIR!

[humming]

- [gasps] SPONGEBOB!

DON'T YOU WANT YOUR WATER HELMET?

- [chuckles]

NOT NECESSARY, SANDY.

LIKE MY PERSONAL HERO, KENNY THE CAT,

I'M A-OKAY!

[gasps for air]

- WELL, IF YOU AIN'T GONNA USE YOUR HELMET,

I SUGGEST YOU MAKE IT QUICK, SPONGEBOB.

- AH!

HEY, SANDY,

YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE A CAT, AREN'T YOU?

- CAT?

IN WHAT WAY AM I "KIND OF LIKE A CAT"?

- WELL, AREN'T CATS AND SQUIRRELS

BASICALLY THE SAME THING?

- WE ARE BOTH MAMMALS,

BUT THAT IS WHERE THE SIMILARITIES END!

CATS ARE NO-GOOD SCOUNDRELS,

AND I AIN'T NEVER TRUSTED ONE OF 'EM!

- WELL, YOU CAN TRUST KENNY THE!

HE'S THE HEROIC CAT WHO'S BEEN HOLDING HIS BREATH

FOR DAYS AT A TIME!

- I HATE TO PRECIPITATE ON YOUR PARTY, SPONGEBOB,

BUT THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!

NO AIR BREATHER COULD EVER DO THAT!

NOT EVEN ME!

- VERY WELL, SANDRA, IF THAT IS YOUR STANCE,

THEN SO BE IT.

COULD SOMEONE BE JEALOUS

OF KENNY'S DAZZLING LUNG CAPACITY?

both: KENNY THE CAT! KENNY THE CAT!

KENNY THE CAT!

- YOU DO KNOW THAT KENNY WON'T BE HERE UNTIL 10:00?

- UH-HUH.

- TOMORROW MORNING. - UH-HUH, YEAH.

14 HOURS IS CUTTING IT CLOSE, BUT I HAD TO WORK ALL DAY!

- HOPELESS.

- YOU KNOW, I READ IN KENNY FANCY MAGAZINE

THAT HE'S SO USED TO HOLDING HIS BREATH,

THAT WHEN HE'S TOPSIDE, HE FORGETS TO BREATHE!

- WOW! [laughs]

WELL, THAT'D BE LIKE ME FORGETTING TO--

[gasps]

[sighs with relief]

THERE YOU ARE, POCKET TACO!

[munching]

[swallows]

- AHH.

PATRICK, HAVE YOU EVER GAZED

UP INTO THE STARRY NIGHT

AND SEEN KENNY THE CAT'S FACE?

- NO.

- FIND THE GROUPER CONSTELLATION

AND THE DORSAL CONSTELLATION,

THEN SQUINT YOUR EYES

AND LET THE DETAILS FALL INTO PLACE.

- UH...

OH.

I DON'T SEE IT.

KENNY'S REALLY GOTTEN INTO YOUR HEAD LATELY.

- YEAH. KENNY'S AWESOME.

HEY! THAT REMINDS ME!

LET'S PAINT OUR FACES TO LOOK LIKE KENNY!

[humming]

PERFECT!

WE'RE THE BIGGEST KENNY THE CAT FANS EVER!

- THIS, UH, IS GETTING CREEPY.

- HEY, BUDDY, CHECK IT OUT!

- SWEET NEPTUNE!

HEY, SPONGEBOB, I'M GONNA GO NOW.

YOUR OBSESSION WITH KENNY IS GETTING WEIRD.

- BUT YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SEE

MY NEW KENNY THE CAT TEMPORARY TATTOO!

- OH, THAT'S OKAY.

SEE YA, SPONGEBOB!

- WELL, I GUESS IT'S PLAIN TO SEE

WHO THE TRUE KENNY THE CAT FAN IS!

[alarm rings and meows]

10:00! KENNY TIME!

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

NOW IS THE TIME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

KENNY THE CAT WILL DO HIS SIGNATURE WALK!

[cheering]

- KENNY!

[marker squeaks] - THANKS, KENNY!

- KENNY, SIR, IT WOULD MEAN A LOT

IF YOU'D SIGN MY OFFICIAL KENNY THE CAT SPATULA.

[marker squeaks] THANKS, KENNY.

YOU'RE SO REAL.

[Kenny's stomach growls]

OH, YOU'RE HUNGRY?

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MOVE THIS AUTOGRAPH SESSION

TO THE KRUSTY KRAB?

[ding]

[babbles]

DID YOU SEE THAT?

KENNY JUST GAVE ME

HIS TRADEMARK A-OKAY HAND SIGN!

SWOON! SWOON!

[excited chatter]

- ONE AT A TIME! ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE!

KENNY THE CAT WILL HAVE TIME

TO MEET EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUSE.

AND I WILL HAVE TIME TO TAKE

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR DOLLARS!

LOOK AT MESELF!

I'M NOT BEING A VERY GOOD HOST!

UH, EXCUSE ME!

YOU JUST MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, KENNY!

I MEAN, "MISTER THE CAT"!

HERE YA GO. CONDIMENTS, ON THE HOUSE!

DON'T TELL ANYBODY!

WELCOME TO THE KRUSTY KRAB FAMILY.

[chuckles]

- MISTER THE CAT, EVERYTHING OKAY?

- [grunting]

- SAY, MR. KRABS, IT'S GONNA BE A LONG DAY FOR KENNY.

HOW ABOUT WE GIVE HIM A MINUTE TO FRESHEN UP?

- WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA, SPONGEBOB.

A CLEAN CAT IS A MONEYMAKING CAT,

I ALWAYS SAY.

PLEASE AVAIL YOURSELF OF THE LOUNGE FACILITIES.

- WELL, I BEST GET BACK TO MANNING THE GRILL.

- THIS GETS REAL UNCOMFORTABLE AFTER AWHILE.

[inhales]

[gargling]

- SORRY TO BOTHER YOU, MISTER THE CAT.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE A BITE TO--

WHOA!

- [inhales]

[exhales]

- [trembling]

- GOOD THING I GOT THIS OXYGEN TANK AND MASK,

OTHERWISE THERE'S NO WAY I'D BE ABLE

TO HOLD MY BREATH THIS LONG.

- [trembling]

HOW COULD YOU, KENNY?

YOU BROKE MY HEART.

HERE I WAS THIS ENTIRE TIME BELIEVING YOUR ACT,

ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT IT WAS NOTHING BUT AN ACT.

- BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

- THERE'S NO ROOM FOR THOUGHTS NOW--

ONLY FOR TEARS. NO!

- SPONGEBOB, WAIT!

WHOA.

[inhales deeply]

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I FELL FOR SUCH A PHONY.

[sniffles] OH, WELL.

TIME TO MOVE ON.

I GUESS I DON'T NEED MY KENNY THE CAT

FAN CLUB MEMBERSHIP CARD ANYMORE...

OR THESE KENNY THE CAT POSTERS.

OH, KENNY, HOW COULD YOU?

[crying] YOU WERE MY IDOL.

YOU KNOW, I SHOULD REALLY TALK ABOUT THIS WITH SOMEONE

OR I MIGHT GET DEPRESSED.

- SPONGEBOB, PLEASE, LET ME EXPLAIN.

I'M JUST A CAT WITH A DREAM--

A DREAM TO GIVE THE GIFT OF HOPE.

SEE, ABOVE WATER, I'M A NOBODY--

JUST ANOTHER ANNOYING CAT.

BUT DOWN HERE, I'M SOMEONE SPECIAL,

SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY.

AND IF MAKING THE WORLD A HAPPIER PLACE

MAKES ME A CRIMINAL...

[crying]

THEN LOCK ME UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.

HAVE MERCY!

[whimpering]

- ALL RIGHT, KENNY, ALL RIGHT.

I PROMISE I WON'T TELL ANYONE.

- REALLY? - YES, REALLY.

- ALL RIGHT!

THANKS, BUB.

YOU'RE THE BEST FRIEND I EVER HAD.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE MOI,

I GOTTA SIGN SOME AUTOGRAPHS.

- AH, THE CAT OF THE HOUR IS BACK.

[cheers and applause]

ALL RIGHT. YOU READY TO SIGN FOR THESE FINE DOLLARS--

I MEAN, UH, SUCKERS--

I MEAN, UH, SOME AUTOGRAPHS.

[cheers and applause]

WELL, ALL RIGHTY THEN.

THAT'S WHAT THE CONSUMING PUBLIC WANTS TO HEAR.

- SIR, I JUST WANNA SAY THAT

YOU'RE THE BIGGEST INSPIRATION

MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS HAVE EVER KNOWN.

YOUR ABILITY TO HOLD YOUR BREATH

HAS CHANGED OUR LIVES FOREVER.

[all grunting]

- "YOU'RE WELCOME. I'VE BEEN HOLDING MY BREATH

"FOR MORE THAN 20 YEARS, NO PROBLEM.

YOU CAN TOO, SIGNED KENNY THE BREATH-HOLDING CAT."

- HI, KENNY.

MIND IF I GET YOUR SIGNATURE?

GEE, IT SURE IS NICE TO MEET ANOTHER

AIR-BREATHING, WARM-BLOODED VARMINT DOWN HERE.

- MM-HMM.

- JUST OUT OF SCIENTIFIC CURIOSITY,

HOW DO YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH FOR SO LONG?

- UH, WE NEEDN'T BURDEN OURSELVES

WITH SUCH NEEDLESS SCIENTIFIC TECHNICALITIES, SANDY.

- I'M JUST WONDERING, SPONGEBOB.

I MEAN, HE DOES DEFY ALL SCIENTIFIC LOGIC,

CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT ALL AIR-BREATHING MAMMALS

NEED OXYGEN TO THE BRAIN AND LUNGS

TO SURVIVE FOR MORE THAN THREE MINUTES.

- HEY, MAYBE WE SHOULD SHOW OUR FINE GUEST

A LITTLE MORE HOSPITALITY, HM?

- WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU, SPONGEBOB?

CAN'T I TALK ABOUT WHAT MUST SURELY BE HAPPENING

FROM A BIOLOGICAL STANDPOINT?

I MEAN, LIKE, THE LACK OF OXYGEN

WILL TIGHTEN THE CAPILLARIES IN THE LUNGS,

CAUSING A DANGEROUS LEVEL OF CARBON MONOXIDE

TO RISE IN THE BLOODSTREAM, WHICH IN TURN

LEADS TO A GHOSTLY BLUE COLOR TO THE SKIN,

FOLLOWED BY EVENTUAL UNCONSCIOUSNESS.

- I CAN'T TAKE IT!

I NEED OXYGEN!

[all gasp]

[inhales deeply]

AHH.

- I KNEW KENNY WAS A FAKE.

[all grumbling]

- LIAR!

- NO! COME BACK.

AH, THANKS A LOT, YOU AIR-BREATHING CHARLATAN.

AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT THESE FREE CONDIMENTS TOO.

- GEE, KENNY.

I SURE AM SORRY IF I RUINED YOUR CAREER.

- AW, IT'S OKAY, SPONGEBOB.

MAYBE THE WHOLE SHAMBLE IS A BIG WAKE-UP CALL

TO BE HONEST.

- HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.

MOST CATS HATE WATER, RIGHT?

WELL, YOU CAN BE THE CAT THAT LIKES WATER.

THAT WAY, YOU'RE STILL SPECIAL.

- I LIKE IT!

- JUST GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY.

YOU CAN NEVER TRUST A CAT-- OR IS IT A DOG?