Original subtitles

- HI-YAH!

SQUIDWARD!

SORRY, BUDDY. DIDN'T SEE YOU.

ARE YOU OKAY?

- [groans]

WHAT KIND OF UNFORESEEN YET COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE

STUPIDITY HAVE YOU RUINED MY DAY WITH THIS TIME?

- OH.

I'M JUST PRACTICING MY KARATE CHOPS.

I'M GOING TO HAVE AN INTENSE KARATE SESSION

WITH SANDY LATER.

SANDY SAYS, "YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT KIND OF CREEPY CREEPER

COULD BE CREEPING CREEPILY AROUND ANY CREEPY CORNER."

- PARANOID MUCH?

- [screams]

SORRY, SQUIDWARD.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE CREEPY CREEPERS.

YOU KNOW, SQUIDWARD, YOU REALLY SHOULD LEARN

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO JOIN US?

- WELL...

NOPE.

I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO.

- OKEY-DOKEY, SQUIDWARD.

STOP ON BY LATER IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THE KARATE.

- I WON'T.

- [faint wheeze]

- H-HELLO?

IS SOMEBODY THERE?

UM, HELLO?

IT'S CONSIDERED RUDE NOT TO ANSWER.

[nervous chuckle] WHAT DO YOU GOT,

COTTON IN YOUR EARHOLES?

[nervous laughter]

[gulps]

I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

[yelping]

SPONGEBOB! [knocking furiously]

[laughter]

- OH WAIT, I-I DON'T GET IT.

- SPONGEBOB!

SPONGEBOB! OPEN UP!

- SQUIDWARD?

- HURRY, SPONGEBOB.

- SQUIDWARD, WHAT'S WRONG?

- YOU WERE... RIGHT.

- I WAS? ABOUT WHAT?

- ABOUT HOW DANGER LURKS AROUND EVERY CORNER.

[screams]

- UM, SQUIDWARD?

IT'S JUST GARY.

- [mewing]

- HEY, I SHOULD HAVE NAMED YOU "SCARY,"

EH, BUDDY?

- [mewing]

- SPONGEBOB, THIS IS SERIOUS.

I WAS JUST VICIOUSLY ATTACKED.

- [gasps] NO.

- YOU'VE GOT TO TEACH ME, SPONGEBOB.

TEACH ME THE WAY.

THE WAY OF "TARA-KE".

- UH, DON'T YOU MEAN KARATE?

- UM, SURE. WHATEVER.

- HMM. HMM.

HMM, YES.

YOU SHOW POTENTIAL, YOUNG STUDENT.

BUT WITH THE RUBBERY ARMS,

AND THE DOUGHINESS IN THIS AREA,

WE OBVIOUSLY HAVE OUR WORK CUT OUT FOR US.

- CAN'T WE JUST GET ON WITH THIS, SPONGEBOB?

- [shushing] - [sighs]

I MEAN, CAN'T WE JUST GET ON WITH THIS,

OH, GREAT SENSEI?

- PAY CLOSE ATTENTION, AND YOU WILL RECEIVE

THE TOTALITY OF MY KARATE MASTERY.

HANDED DOWN FROM SENSEI CHEEKS HERSELF.

NOW WATCH,

WATCH AND LEARN.

WI-YAH!

- UH-HUH. WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

- THAT'S IT. - THAT'S IT?

THAT'S THE "TOTALITY OF YOUR KARATE MASTERY"?

- WELL, SQUIDWARD, I'VE ONLY BEEN STUDYING

A COUPLE OF YEARS, BUT IF TOTAL KARATE KNOWLEDGE

IS WHAT YOU SEEK--

- THEN YOU SHOULD VISIT SENSEI CHEEKS.

- HEY, I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY THAT!

- I KNOW.

[both laugh] - OH, BOY.

- I DON'T KNOW, SPONGEBOB.

WITH THE RUBBERY ARMS AND THE DOUGHINESS

IN THIS AREA, WE OBVIOUSLY--

- ALL RIGHT, ALREADY. WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS.

ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO GET REVENGE

ON MY ATTACKER OR WHAT?

- WHOA-HO-HO. KARATE AIN'T FOR REVENGE.

IT'S A DELICATE ART THAT HELPS YOU PROTECT YOURSELF.

- YEAH, FINE. - GREAT, REPEAT AFTER ME.

HI-YAH!

- HI-YAH!

- OH, WHATEVER.

HI-YAH.

- I PROMISE TO USE KARATE ONLY FOR PROTECTION

AND NOT FOR REVENGE.

- I PROMISE TO USE KARATE ONLY FOR PROTECTION

AND NOT FOR REVENGE.

OR WHATEVER.

- OKAY, THEN.

LET'S GET STARTED WITH A LITTLE CHOPPING.

LIKE SO.

HI-YAH!

- WHOA.

- A BOARD?

I WASN'T ATTACKED BY A PIECE OF WOOD.

I WAS ASSAULTED BY A DERANGED LUNATIC.

- THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL PROTECT YOURSELF

IS IF YOU KNOW THE BASICS.

NOW GIVE IT A CHOP.

- [sighs] WHATEVER YOU SAY, SENSEI.

- THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, SQUIDWARD.

DON'T FEEL BAD IF YOU CAN'T DO IT.

- I'M SURE I CAN BREAK ONE LITTLE TWIG.

HI-YAH!

[crack]

[splash]

- ARMS UP, SQUIDWARD.

BLOCK! BLOCK!

BLOCK! BLOCK!

- [grumbles] THIS IS STUPID.

THE ONLY THING THIS MANIAC THREW AT ME

WERE HIS BIG, MEATY FISTS.

[grumbles]

- BLOCK!

- NOW THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.

- DIMWIT'S LUCK.

[grumbles] - COME ON, SQUIDDY.

GIVE IT THE OLD ROUNDHOUSE.

- ALL RIGHT.

HI-YAH!

[yelping]

AAH!

THIS ISN'T WORKING.

MY ASSAILANT WAS TWICE AS TALL.

AND HIS SHOULDERS WERE 20 TIMES AS BROAD.

THE FURROWS OF HIS BROW WERE THE SIZE OF BICEPS.

- HMM.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE THIS MORE PERSONAL

FOR YOU, SQUIDWARD,

SO AS TO HELP YOU BRING OUT YOUR INNER DRAGON.

SPONGEBOB?

- HEY, GROCERY BOY!

IT IS ME, A BIG, SCARY MISCREANT.

NOW HAND OVER THAT SACK OF GROCERIES

BEFORE THINGS GET UGLY.

- GROCERIES?

YOU'LL HAVE TO PULL MY GROCERIES

FROM MY COLD, WET TENTACLES, BUCKO.

TAKE THIS!

HI-YAH!

HUH?

THINK THAT'S GOING TO STOP ME?

YOU'RE NOT GETTING ME WITHOUT A FIGHT!

HI-YAH!

[struggling]

GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU.

VENGEANCE IS MINE.

- "VENGEANCE"?

SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, I TOLD YOU AT THE BEGINNING

THAT KARATE AIN'T FOR REVENGE.

SORRY, SQUIDWARD.

AS OF NOW, I AIN'T YOUR SENSEI NO MORE.

- SANDY, WAIT! [struggles]

I NEED YOU TO TEACH--

OH, THIS IS POINTLESS.

I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO PROTECT MYSELF.

I MAY AS WELL JUST START HANDING MY GROCERIES TO CRIMINALS.

"HERE, PLEASE, MR. CRIMINAL.

TAKE MY UNPROCESSED KALE CREAM."

- SANDY, WAIT.

PLEASE, HELP HIM.

HE JUST WANTS TO KEEP HIS ORGANIC BLUE ALGAE SAFE.

- HE'S GOING TO USE MY TEACHINGS FOR REVENGE, SPONGEBOB.

- PLEASE, SANDY, I'LL DO ANYTHING!

- OH, REALLY?

WELL, SQUIDWARD, A WISE SENSEI ONCE TOLD ME

ONE MUST FIRST KNOW THE MOVEMENTS OF EVERY DAY

BEFORE MASTERING KARATE.

[button clicking]

- [grumbles]

[vacuum hums]

WHEW!

ALL FINISHED.

- WOW! THIS LOOKS GREAT.

- PSST. YOU MISSED A SPOT.

- ALL RIGHT, I RECKON THE YARD IS GOOD AND WATERED.

- PSST. YOU MISSED A SPOT.

- [grumbles]

WHEW.

- ATTA BOY, SQUIDDY.

BE SURE TO TWIST THAT TORSO.

- HEY, SANDY.

I DON'T REMEMBER THIS BEING A PART OF MY TRAINING.

IT WASN'T, BUT TODAY IS CHORE DAY.

SO I FIGURED WHY NOT FRY TWO FISH IN ONE SKILLET.

[both laugh]

- THAT'S IT. I AM OUTTA HERE!

THIS IS A NO GOOD WASTE OF MY TIME.

[yelps]

HEY, I'M DOING IT.

I'M BLOCKING THE ACORNS.

- YEE-HAW! I TOLD YOU ALL YOU HAD TO DO

WAS KNOW THE MOVEMENTS OF EVERY DAY TO MASTER KARATE.

- [laughs] I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID IT!

- YEAH! YEAH! NOW TRY THIS!

- OKAY, OKAY.

HI-YAH!

- [laughs] I DID IT!

HI-YAH!

I CAN PROTECT MY GROCERIES NOW!

HI-YAH!

[crash]

I AM A KARATE MASTER.

WHOO-HOO-HOO!

- WELL, I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR,

BUT YOU HAVE PROVEN YOURSELF WORTHY OF

THE BELT OF BASIC COMPETENCE.

- YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S GREAT, THANKS.

BUT I HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.

- [laughs]

WHAT'S THIS?

DO I FIND MYSELF ON THIS DARK AND SCARY STREET

YET AGAIN?

WE'LL JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS THIS TIME.

- HEY, YOU!

- LET ME GIVE A TASTE, A MERE MORSEL

OR WHAT'S IN STORE.

HI-YAH! HI-YAH!

HI-YAH!

THAT ONE WAS CALLED "WASHING SANDY'S WINDOWS".

STAY BACK OR YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT.

I AM WARNING YOU.

- [wheezing]

- OKAY, BUDDY. I WARNED YOU.

I LIKE TO CALL THIS ONE "TAKING OUT SANDY'S TRASH".

HI-YAH!

- WHAT? OW!

- [laughs]

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

WAAH!

- OH! OW!

- HA, FEEL MY WRATH.

HOW'S YOUR UNCLE?

- OW! OW.

- AND, AS MY FINISHING MOVE, I GIVE YOU

"WATERING SANDY'S LAWN".

BEE-YAH!

- [groans]

HEY, MAN. WH-WHAT WAS THAT FOR?

I WAS JUST TRYING TO GIVE YOU BACK

YOUR GROCERIES YOU DROPPED.

- UH, OH.

- SANDY, I FOUND HIM. HE'S OVER HERE.

YOU FORGOT YOUR BELT, SILLY.

[gasps]

- GOSH, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

- THIS GUY'S BEEN KARATE'D.

- AFTER ALL I SAID ABOUT NEVER USING KARATE FOR REVENGE?

- FOR SHAME, SQUIDWARD. FOR SHAME.

- LOOKS LIKE HE'S NOT WORTHY OF THIS BELT AFTER ALL.

THANKS FOR DISHONORING OUR TRUST IN YOU, SQUIDWARD.

- WHATEVER. I'M STILL A KARATE MASTER.

- WOW, REALLY? YOU ARE?

- YES, I AM.

- HEY, WATCH YOUR HEAD.

I'D NEVER GUESS IT.

- AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

- OH, UH, NOTHING.

JUST WITH THE RUBBERY ARMS,

AND THE DOUGHINESS IN THE MIDSECTION--

- OKAY, ALREADY, I GET IT.

WHAT, WAIT A SECOND. AM I UNDER ARREST?

- YOU SURE ARE.

AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT...

- [screams]

- OR NOT SILENT.