Original subtitles

*

[relaxing music]

- FEEL THE DROPLETS GENTLY CASCADE OVER YOUR BODY.

- OH, YEAH.

- VISUALIZE YOURSELF IN A PRIVATE GROTTO.

FOCUS YOUR PERCEPTIONS ON THE NATIVE FAUNA

AND THE SOOTHING NATURE OF THEIR RUSTIC CALLS.

- [grunts]

- YOU ARE ONE WITH NATURE.

- AHH.

[laughter]

WHAT THE-- [laughter]

BARNACLES!

- HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BABY?

- [laughs] OH, YEAH?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS, BABY?

[laughter]

- QUESTION, ARE YOU TWO ACTING

EVEN MORE INFANTILE THAN USUAL THIS MORNING?

- UH-HUH. 'CAUSE I FOUND A BOX

OF MY OLD BABY TOYS IN THE ATTIC,

AND WE'RE PLAYING WITH THEM.

HEY, MY OLD TEDDY WALRUS. [squeaking]

THIS STUFF REALLY TAKES ME BACK.

- YEAH, IT MAKES ME FEEL BABYISH.

OH! LOOK AT ME, I'M A BABY.

- NO, BABIES DON'T TALK LIKE THAT, PATRICK.

THEY TALK LIKE-- GOO-GOO, GA-GA.

both: [baby gibberish]

- [baby gibberish]

- [baby gibberish]

- [baby gibberish and whistling]

both: [baby gibberish]

- [growls]

JUST AS THE ESSENTIAL OILS WERE KICKING IN.

HEY! I'D APPRECIATE SOME QUIET.

both: [gibberish]

- HOW DARE YOU SCOOT AWAY FROM ME?

I'M SCOLDING HERE!

WOULD YOU TWO FOR ONCE ACT YOUR AGE?

[squeaking]

both: [crying]

- FINE, ACT LIKE INFANTS YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

SEE IF I CARE.

I'LL BE RETURNING TO MY GROWN-UP LIFESTYLE,

SO KEEP IT DOWN!

AAH!

[grunts]

both: SQUIDWARD!

- [groaning]

[gibberish]

- HEY, HE'S MUMBLING AND DROOLING LIKE A LITTLE BABY.

- OOH, I DON'T KNOW, PATRICK.

HE ISN'T LOOKING SO GOOD.

HE SHOULD PROBABLY SEE A DOCTOR.

COME ON, LET'S TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL.

- HANG IN THERE, BUDDY.

WE'LL HAVE YOU FIXED UP IN NO TIME.

- [grunting]

- HMM.

- [gibberish]

- SO WHAT'S THE PROGNOSIS, DOCTOR?

- YOUR FRIEND HAS A CONDITION KNOWN BY THE MEDICAL TERM

OF "HEAD-GO-BOOM-BOOM-ITIS."

NOT TO WORRY THOUGH,

HE SHOULD RECOVER NORMALLY OVER TIME.

BUT HE MUSTN'T RECEIVE ANY MORE BLOWS TO THE HEAD,

OR HE MAY REMAIN THIS WAY PERMANENTLY.

JUST CARE FOR HIM AS IF HE WERE

YOUR VERY OWN BOUNCING BABY BOY, AND HE'LL BE FINE.

- HEY, LITTLE SQUIDWARD.

YOU READY FOR SOME FUN?

WHOOPY-DOO!

- OKAY, SQUIDDY, DIN-DIN IS READY.

WHERE IS OUR LITTLE MIRACLE?

[gasps] PATRICK, HOW COULD YOU?

THERE, THERE, MY LITTLE DARLING.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIS HEAD, REMEMBER?

OKAY, SQUIDDY, I MADE YOUR FAVORITE,

KRILL TARTARE WITH AN ALGAE VINAIGRETTE.

HERE IT COMES, OPEN WIDE.

- MM.

- AW, COME ON, LITTLE BUDDY.

YOU GOTTA EAT HEALTHY, SO YOU CAN

GROW UP BIG AND CRANKY.

JUST WATCH THE AIRPLANE LAND IN THE HANGAR.

[imitates airplane]

SEE, PATRICK, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA OUTTHINK THE BABY.

- [grunts]

- YOU KNOW WHAT, PATRICK? MAYBE WE--

- AHH, THANKS FOR SHARING, BABY.

- OKAY, TIME TO LIVEN THINGS UP.

DO YOU LIKE GAMES, SQUIDDY?

- GAMES IS OUR MIDDLE NAME.

- [gibberish]

both: KELPY CAKE, KELPY CAKE, KELPY MAN,

BAKE US A CAKE AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

- [laughs]

[gibberish] - YOU LIKE THAT, SQUIDDY?

- [gibberish]

- HE DOES!

- NOW YOU TRY.

both: KELPY CAKE--

- [laughs]

[both groaning]

- THIS GAME'S KINDA DANGEROUS.

- [gibberish]

both: SQUIDDY!

- [snoring]

both: SQUIDDY, NO!

- DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT THIS.

[grunts]

- HOORAY!

[gasps] SQUIDWARD!

SQUIDDY, ARE YOU OKAY?

WE NEED TO DO A BETTER JOB OF PROTECTING HIM.

- [crying]

- THERE, THERE, NOW.

NO NEED TO CRY.

[shushing]

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

- [crying]

- EH, DON'T WORRY, HE'LL--

HE'LL BE SETTLED DOWN IN A COUPLE MINUTES.

- [crying] [cheerful music on TV]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

[crying]

- IT'S ONE MINUTE TILL OPENING.

WHERE THE BARNACLES ARE ME EMPLOYEREES?

I DON'T PAY 'EM TO BE LATE.

[thunder booming]

- TAKING CARE OF A BABY SURE IS HARD.

- YOU SAID IT. I'M EXHAUSTED.

HEY, PATRICK, I HAVE TO GO TO WORK.

WOULD YOU MIND HOLDING SQUIDW--

- [snoring]

- [sighs]

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE ON OUR OWN, LITTLE FELLA.

SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, ENOUGH DUFF-DRAGGIN'.

GET TO YOUR STATIONS, PRONTO.

- MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD IS IN NO CONDITION

TO PERFORM HIS KRUSTY DUTIES.

- [gibberish]

- THE POOR GUY HAS THE MIND OF AN INFANT.

- I DON'T CARE IF HE HAS SEAWEED FOR BRAINS.

HE NEEDS TO BE BEHIND THAT REGISTER.

WE GOT CUSTOMERS OUT THERE JUST BEGGING

TO HAND ME THEIR MONEY.

- OH, PLEASE! - PLEASE!

- TAKE OUR MONEY! - PLEASE, MR. KRABS.

- BUT-- - NO BUTS!

GET TO WORK, YOU TWO.

- ALL SETTLED INTO YOUR WORKSTATION, I SEE.

MAYBE YOU'RE READY FOR YOUR KRUSTY DUTIES AFTER ALL.

NOW LET'S MAKE IT OFFICIAL.

- [mumbles]

- [chuckles] HOW SILLY OF ME.

SQUIDDY NEEDS A HIGH CHAIR.

[register dings] AND DUCT TAPE!

OH, SQUIDDY, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

JUST YESTERDAY YOU WERE DROOLING ALL OVER ME.

AND LOOK AT YOU NOW, WORKING

AND SITTING IN A BIG BOY SEAT.

- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU TWO.

TIME TO SERVE SOME CUSTOMERS.

[indistinct chatter] - ALL RIGHT!

- REMEMBER, BUDDY, I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YA.

- CAN I GET A KRABBY PATTY AND A LARGE KELP SHAKE, PLEASE?

- [gibberish]

- OKAY, HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU?

- [laughs]

- SQUIDWARD!

THAT'S NOT FOR EATING.

THERE WE ARE, GOOD AS NEW--

THAT'S NOT FOR EATING EITHER.

SORRY, SIR. - HOP TO IT, BOYS.

WE HAVEN'T EVEN TAKEN OUR FIRST ORDER.

- YES, MR. KRABS.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

- [laughs]

- THANKS, SQUIDDY, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON--HUH?

WILL THIS BE FOR HERE OR TO GO?

- [laughs]

- YOU HAVE TO WORK ON YOUR PENMANSHIP, SQUIDDY.

- [gibberish]

- MY FACE! MY FACE!

ALSO MY LEG, BUT MOSTLY MY FACE!

- HEY, YOU GONNA TAKE AN ORDER, OR WHAT?

- [gibberish]

[register dings]

[crying]

- SQUIDWARD.

YELLING AT A POOR, DEFENSELESS BABY--

YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED.

- LISTEN, MAN, I'M DONE PLAYING THESE BABY GAMES.

[sniffing]

OH, MY NEPTUNE.

- [crying]

- OH, WHAT IS THAT?

- HEY, HONEY, DID YOU, UH--

- WHAT IN BLAZES IS GOING ON AROUND--

WHOA!

MR. SQUIDWARD, WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?

- MR. KRABS, WATCH HIS HEAD!

- WATCH HIS HEAD?

WHY DON'T YOU WATCH HIS DIAPER?

AND GET IT CHANGED!

- SIR, YES, SIR.

- OH. - WE'RE EATING HERE.

- SORRY.

- HEY, I'M TRYING TO WALK HERE.

- SORRY.

- HEY, I WAS GONNA GET KETCHUP THERE!

- SORRY.

- OKAY, SQUIDDY, HOLD STILL.

OH, BOY.

- ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER-LOVIN' MIND?

YOU CAN'T CHANGE THAT BABY OUT HERE

IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMERS.

TAKE HIM IN BACK WHERE THE FOOD IS PREPARED.

[all groaning]

OH, THAT'S IT.

GET THAT POOPY BABY OUT OF ME RESTAURANT.

- [sniffs] MR. KRABS, IF MY POOPY BABY

ISN'T WELCOME HERE, THEN I'M NOT STAYING EITHER.

WHOA!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

[yelling]

- [grunts]

[grunts]

- [gasps] SQUIDWARD.

- [groans]

WHAT THE--

WHERE AM I?

WHAT'S GOING ON?

- AH, SQUIDWARD, YOU'RE BACK TO YOUR GROWN-UP SELF.

- OF COURSE I'M GROWN-UP.

WHY WOULDN'T I BE?

UM, I'M WEARING A DIAPER.

- YES. - IS IT FULL?

AAH!

- SORRY, SQUIDWARD, I WAS GONNA CHANGE IT, BUT I--

- STOP.

NOT ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS, EVER.

- KIDS--THEY GROW UP SO FAST.