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♪ In the shuffling madness ♪
4
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:52,090
♪ Of the locomotive breath ♪
5
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:57,220
♪ Runs the all-time loser ♪
6
00:02:57,303 --> 00:03:00,223
♪ Headlong to his death ♪
7
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:04,143
♪ Oh, he feels the piston scraping ♪
8
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:08,147
♪ Steam breaking on his brow ♪
9
00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:11,984
♪ Old Charlie stole the handle ♪
10
00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:17,573
♪ And the train, it won't stop going
No way to slow down ♪
11
00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:21,244
♪ Oh-oh! ♪
12
00:03:24,831 --> 00:03:27,166
♪ He sees his children jumping off ♪
13
00:03:28,084 --> 00:03:30,503
♪ At stations one by one ♪
14
00:03:31,921 --> 00:03:35,508
♪ His woman and his best friend ♪
15
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:38,511
♪ In bed and having fun ♪
16
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:42,432
♪ Oh, he's crawling down the corridor ♪
17
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,935
♪ On his hands and knees ♪
18
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:49,564
♪ Old Charlie stole the handle ♪
19
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:53,317
♪ And the train, it won't stop going ♪
20
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,528
♪ No way to slow down ♪
21
00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:59,741
♪ Yeah-eah! ♪
22
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,122
♪ Ow! ♪
23
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:11,461
Testing, testing. Mic testing.
24
00:04:12,336 --> 00:04:15,465
Check, one, two, one, two. Testing.
25
00:04:15,548 --> 00:04:19,719
Topping the preliminary round
with 29 out of 30...
26
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:25,933
Bangalore Uni A,
represented by Naman Bala...
27
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:29,103
Ramu Iyengar...
28
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,647
Ilash Ismail...
29
00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:33,566
- Where's Ilash?
30
00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:36,652
- ...and Ajay Iyer.
- Ajay.
31
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:41,991
Will the team captain
please come up for the draw of lots?
32
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:44,410
B.U.B.U.
33
00:04:44,494 --> 00:04:46,204
Team captain?
34
00:04:47,205 --> 00:04:48,372
Hmm...
35
00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:52,794
Bangalore Uni A team has finally arrived.
36
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:59,467
In the words of Shakespeare, better three
hours too soon than a minute too late.
37
00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:03,054
You will have to sit in row six.
38
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:07,850
We should have come for the draft lots.
Row six is the worst strategically.
39
00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:12,188
Who cares where we sit?
We'll win anyway.
40
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:15,399
We have worse problems.
Ilash is in Hyderabad.
41
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:16,943
Good luck, Naman!
42
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,488
There's your pet volcano, Stromboli.
43
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,907
Go rape your cow, Ra-moo.
44
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:26,536
Come on, ra. Give her Etna a chance.
45
00:05:26,619 --> 00:05:29,789
Yeah, cover the face, fire the base.
46
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:32,083
Are all the teams complete?
47
00:05:38,631 --> 00:05:41,300
I have been preparing.
I'll be very helpful, I promise.
48
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,679
Just keep your mouth shut
and we'll win, okay?
49
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:47,974
--Bangalore Uni B.
50
00:05:48,057 --> 00:05:49,809
Back in the 18th century,
51
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:55,231
Eton College had a grammar book
which listed a set of words from Latin
52
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:58,568
which all meant "of little or no value."
53
00:05:58,651 --> 00:06:03,155
As a joke, somebody put all four of these
together and created a new word.
54
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:09,579
The first recorded use
is by William Shenstone in 1741.
55
00:06:09,662 --> 00:06:11,163
What is the word?
56
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,834
Looks like our juniors
have Calcutta ambitions.
57
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:19,589
Why go all the way to Calcutta when
the Black Hole of Bangalore is right here?
58
00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:21,173
Time is running out!
59
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:25,595
The answer is
floccinaucinihilipilification.
60
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,264
Correct answer.
61
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,891
Bangalore B are the leaders now.
62
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:36,814
And now for the ultimate question
to decide the winner.
63
00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:43,362
Gerald Rusgrove and Charles
founded a publishing house in 1908.
64
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,991
Today they dominate a particular genre.
65
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:52,163
The company is named after
their famous surname. Name the company.
66
00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:55,333
-Simon & Schuster?
-Hodder & Stoughton?
67
00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:58,502
They don't dominate any particular genre.
68
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:05,343
Bangalore University A,
do we have an answer?
69
00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:10,348
Is it Mills & Boon? Romance?
70
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,225
It is...
71
00:07:16,604 --> 00:07:17,772
indeed!
72
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:25,821
Bangalore Uni A
are the winners of this quiz contest,
73
00:07:25,905 --> 00:07:31,285
and will represent us at the
All India Quiz Competition in Calcutta.
74
00:07:31,369 --> 00:07:33,162
--Thank you.
75
00:07:40,044 --> 00:07:42,797
-Naman.
-We won book coupons worth 750 rupees.
76
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,256
That's your share.
77
00:07:44,340 --> 00:07:48,552
No, that's not necessary. It was my honor
to be in the quiz with you.
78
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,475
I insist. After all--
79
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:58,521
Listen, Ash, we have 500 worth of
book coupons between the three of us.
80
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,899
We'll sell it to you
at the usual discount. 300?
81
00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:04,318
Done. But on one condition.
82
00:08:04,402 --> 00:08:06,654
I get to come with you guys
wherever you are drinking tonight.
83
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:09,448
Forget it. We'll find somebody else.
84
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:10,950
No, no, no, no, no.
85
00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,078
I always keep cash handy for your coupons.
86
00:08:25,715 --> 00:08:26,716
Bye.
87
00:08:33,806 --> 00:08:36,142
Sure you don't want a lift to the dhaba?
88
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,477
-Ajay isn't dead.
-Yet.
89
00:08:46,736 --> 00:08:48,446
Hey, you, junior!
90
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,371
What's your name?
91
00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:01,792
-Randeep.
-Randy!
92
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:11,802
I, uh... I don't really drink.
93
00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:14,180
Nonsense. Everybody drinks.
94
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,723
It's like fucking.
95
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,892
Once your dick is inside the hole,
96
00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:21,228
it goes all the way up to the cervix,
prompting the inevitable--
97
00:09:21,312 --> 00:09:22,646
Cervix with a smile.
98
00:09:26,192 --> 00:09:28,778
Chairs!
99
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:35,034
-Bangalore University, bottoms up.
-B.U.B.U.
100
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:37,244
Go!
101
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,795
-Naman seven secs, Ajay nine secs.
-And Randy, no sex.
102
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:49,090
-Bravo.
-Garçon.
103
00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:58,390
What ra, dei?
That would have bought an extra pitcher.
104
00:09:58,474 --> 00:10:00,976
Brahmans must be magnanimous
to the servant classes
105
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:03,729
- to preserve the natural order of things.
- Correct.
106
00:10:03,813 --> 00:10:06,273
If everybody gets degrees,
who will clean our toilets?
107
00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:09,610
In our village, even if an untouchable's
shadow touches my grandfather,
108
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,195
he has to have a bath.
109
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:13,781
The boy speaks.
110
00:10:17,952 --> 00:10:21,288
Trichinopolies.
As smoked by Sherlock Holmes.
111
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,919
OK, guys, I have to leave.
My father will be waiting.
112
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:30,965
Ever wondered why the back
of Ramu's neck is black?
113
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:35,553
When Ramu was born, his father
rubbed his dick on the back of his neck.
114
00:10:43,269 --> 00:10:48,023
Randy. If you continue to be
this correct blend of slavish deference
115
00:10:48,107 --> 00:10:52,194
and obsequiousness to God, i.e. me,
116
00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:55,239
who knows,
someday you could be our quiz team fourth.
117
00:10:57,074 --> 00:11:02,371
-But I'm in Tina's team--
-Tina, Beena? Who cares? All cunts.
118
00:11:03,414 --> 00:11:06,125
Stay second all your life, by all means.
119
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:07,960
It's your choice.
120
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:11,881
Well?
121
00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:28,439
-He's done a George.
-Horses for courses.
122
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:29,523
Neigh!
123
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,614
You won't be allowed into Valhalla
if you don't know the argot.
124
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,451
I'll give you a clue. Painter.
125
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:44,455
John Stubbs. British painter
best known for his paintings of horses.
126
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:48,667
So when you "do a George,"
you stub out a cigar.
127
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:53,047
May the horse be with you.
128
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,768
A beaker full of the warm south
for the lad here.
129
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,940
But you're not allowed
to vomit on the tree.
130
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:19,531
But if you must, precision is key,
oh dilated pupil.
131
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:08,580
As it says in
the holy Gita, "tranquility, restraint,
132
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:14,962
austerity, purity,
forgiveness, uprightness...
133
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:19,925
knowledge, wisdom and faith in God
134
00:13:20,009 --> 00:13:22,136
are the duties of the Brahmans...
135
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,472
born of our innate nature."
136
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:03,552
Naman.
137
00:14:49,014 --> 00:14:51,475
I feel like a new hermaphrodite again.
138
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:57,064
♪ Well, show me the way
to the next whiskey bar ♪
139
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,900
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
140
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:02,820
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
141
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:08,409
♪ Show me the way
to the next whiskey bar ♪
142
00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,286
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
143
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,164
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
144
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:19,420
♪ For if we don't find
the next whiskey bar ♪
145
00:15:19,503 --> 00:15:22,089
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
146
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:24,883
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
147
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:30,264
♪ I tell you, I tell you,
I tell you we must die ♪
148
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:42,568
Welcome back
to Cos Theta Quiz Contest.
149
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:45,988
I am Brian D'Costa,
and my next question is...
150
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,211
I'm ready to marry her for a week.
151
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:11,763
Aureolae, my friend.
152
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,892
God is in the aureolae.
153
00:16:20,314 --> 00:16:22,858
♪ I'm Henry VIII, I am ♪
154
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:25,444
♪ Henry VIII, I am, I am ♪
155
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:28,197
♪ I got married to the widow next door ♪
156
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,449
♪ And she's been married
seven times before ♪
157
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,659
- Henry!
- Waste fuckers.
158
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:35,204
What ra cripple? Bull broke your leg?
159
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:38,665
Hey!
160
00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:40,667
-Show me that.
-I'm having her tonight.
161
00:16:40,751 --> 00:16:42,920
Why don't we all go and look at it
at my place?
162
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,339
No, no, no, no. No. No.
163
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,965
We have to prepare for tomorrow's quiz.
164
00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:54,097
- Henry.
- A trick.
165
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,768
When you've finished,
let go of your dick when you cum.
166
00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:05,526
Cover your face, then you watch your dick.
Like an electric meter, it will flick.
167
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:13,534
What ra, Naman? We all could have
magazined at Henry's house.
168
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:16,620
- His sofa is full of cum.
169
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,251
Oh, no.
170
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:25,712
--♪ Oh, no, not again ♪
171
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,551
♪ It hurts so good
I don't understand ♪
172
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:32,594
♪ Infatuation ♪
173
00:17:35,472 --> 00:17:37,432
♪ Infatuation ♪
174
00:17:39,476 --> 00:17:41,562
- ♪ Infatuation ♪
175
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:45,649
♪ Infatuation ♪
176
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:50,821
--♪ Infatuation ♪
177
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:54,283
-♪ Infatuation ♪
-Chee chee, Ramu.
178
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,620
- Nice arse.
- You will not, none of you,
179
00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:02,165
refer to your future sister-in-law
in a sexual manner ever again.
180
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,001
Ramu! Understood?
181
00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:35,175
Naman?
182
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:05,122
You must be wondering what The Merchant
of Venice has to do with Hamlet.
183
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:09,376
You see, this Polonius is a dirty fellow.
184
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,086
Very shallow.
185
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:15,006
What he doesn't know is that
is if he spits into the air... pooo!
186
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:22,848
Hey, maths motherfucker.
187
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,352
To what do we owe this dubious honor?
188
00:20:27,436 --> 00:20:31,732
I was in the vicinity, so I thought
I'd come see if you're around.
189
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:37,028
Now that you have drunk your ocular fill,
wench, a swift departure mayhaps.
190
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:39,823
Miles to go? Promises to keep?
191
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,701
- But I...
- So, handicap.
192
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:46,496
- Ilash.
- Who came second in the quiz?
193
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:48,457
-The junior team.
-Oh...
194
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:51,251
Let me tell you what happened
to my junior.
195
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:56,006
I was coming back from Hyderabad
on a train, AC first class, of course,
196
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:59,426
and there she was, on the lower berth.
197
00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:02,929
It was lights out,
so I put my reading lights on
198
00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:08,435
and I looked down through the curtains
and she is staring straight back at me.
199
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:13,398
So I pull back, I'm reading my book.
200
00:21:14,191 --> 00:21:15,984
She climbs up...
201
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:21,364
and she's... all over me, OK?
202
00:21:23,492 --> 00:21:25,911
She's rubbing.
203
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:30,207
She's rubbing herself.
204
00:21:50,435 --> 00:21:52,646
Where has that fellow gone?
205
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:55,690
I'm sure he's taken
our ticket money and run.
206
00:21:55,774 --> 00:21:57,692
Have faith, grasshopper.
207
00:21:57,776 --> 00:21:59,152
There he is.
208
00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:13,750
Thank you, uncle.
209
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,752
Your seats are right next to mine.
210
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,091
I feel violated.
211
00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:25,512
Isn't there a law against visual rape?
212
00:22:25,595 --> 00:22:28,598
In that case, we would all be doing
ten to 20.
213
00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:57,377
Ramu.
214
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:03,133
Appa.
215
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:04,426
Get in.
216
00:23:13,852 --> 00:23:18,064
You have to do everything possible
to endear us of Ramu's dad, don't you?
217
00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:39,711
"My love is like a red, red rose
that is newly sprung in June.
218
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:43,381
My love is like a melody
that is sweetly played in tune."
219
00:23:44,174 --> 00:23:45,634
To the chariot!
220
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,599
-What am I supposed to do?
-Exist.
221
00:24:33,765 --> 00:24:36,726
- D'Souza, she's not a Brahman.
- So?
222
00:24:36,810 --> 00:24:39,729
- She's not even a Hindu.
- So?
223
00:24:39,813 --> 00:24:41,314
She's a Christian, ra.
224
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:45,527
In Brahman tradition, one would conjoin
with the servant classes
225
00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:48,488
in order to transfer our sins to them,
because they are fucked anyway.
226
00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:50,156
Justification.
227
00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:54,452
You know how the Jesuits forcibly
converted most of us to Christianity?
228
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:57,706
-Her grandparents are probably Brahman.
-Justification.
229
00:24:58,581 --> 00:25:00,792
The scriptures say
that the role of a Brahman
230
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:03,044
is to uplift the downtrodden classes.
231
00:25:03,128 --> 00:25:05,380
Miss D'Souza will be my project.
232
00:25:05,463 --> 00:25:07,173
Infatuation.
233
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:19,269
Dear Rita, shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
234
00:25:19,352 --> 00:25:21,312
But then I'm not the Bard.
235
00:25:21,396 --> 00:25:25,525
Interestingly, did you know
that Colonel Gaddafi of Libya
236
00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:28,403
claimed that William Shakespeare
was actually a Muslim Libyan
237
00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:30,113
named Wali Miya Sheikh Zubair.
238
00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:36,953
There is also loose talk that a certain
Sheshappa Iyer, a Brahman from Mysore,
239
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:39,414
went to England and authored the plays.
240
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:43,501
But enough of Avon.
241
00:25:43,585 --> 00:25:49,090
The Butler, in his immortal piece of poesy
titled, rather appropriately,
242
00:25:49,174 --> 00:25:51,426
A Drinking Song, he quoth...
243
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:55,930
Thank you, Father.
244
00:26:03,271 --> 00:26:04,272
Thank you, Mother.
245
00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:16,451
D'Souza, P... D'Souza, P...
246
00:26:16,534 --> 00:26:18,495
♪ Hello, operator ♪
247
00:26:18,578 --> 00:26:22,165
♪ You know that I've been waiting
on this call, da, da, da ♪
248
00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:24,751
- ♪ I said hey, operator... ♪
- Bingo!
249
00:26:26,002 --> 00:26:29,339
♪ You make me nervous
cos the line's engaged ♪
250
00:26:29,422 --> 00:26:32,383
♪ I can't believe we let it
get to this stage ♪
251
00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:34,552
-♪ Sitting here-- ♪
-Shh! Shh! Shh!
252
00:26:35,303 --> 00:26:36,721
Hello. Hi, Rita.
253
00:26:36,805 --> 00:26:38,890
Rita, Gita or Sita...
254
00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:42,936
You boys are just going to...
beat-a your meat-a.
255
00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:49,651
Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie! Ronnie!
256
00:26:53,530 --> 00:26:55,782
Devastating wit. I'm impressed.
257
00:26:55,865 --> 00:27:00,203
Smart boy. But while you guys were busy
polishing your pathetic one-liners,
258
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:04,123
-we just won the cricket championship.
-Let joy be unconfined.
259
00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:06,584
Tell me one physical activity
that you guys can do better than us.
260
00:27:06,668 --> 00:27:09,087
-Consume alcohol.
-In industrial quantities.
261
00:27:10,672 --> 00:27:12,632
-Done. It's a challenge.
-A royal challenge?
262
00:27:13,925 --> 00:27:15,969
Tomorrow at home, our victory party.
263
00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:19,472
Get yourselves to Sadashivnagar
and ask anyone for Palace Tower.
264
00:27:19,556 --> 00:27:22,433
-Then see whose is bigger.
-We don't go for half measures.
265
00:27:22,517 --> 00:27:25,478
Ronnie, I'm hungry.
266
00:27:25,562 --> 00:27:27,105
Burger?
267
00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:37,073
-I can't believe we get the brains--
-And they get the girls.
268
00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:40,743
That too, Coco-panties herself.
269
00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:43,830
Many a boat has sailed up
that coconut lagoon.
270
00:28:04,392 --> 00:28:05,935
Rich bastard.
271
00:28:07,854 --> 00:28:12,150
Ramu, "a man of wealth has many enemies,
272
00:28:12,233 --> 00:28:14,861
while a man of knowledge
has many friends."
273
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:29,125
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
274
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:33,796
So kind of you all to drag yourselves away
from your busy schedules.
275
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,256
Must have been a drag.
276
00:28:36,257 --> 00:28:38,092
Ever used one of these babies before?
277
00:28:38,176 --> 00:28:41,471
-You have overcompensation issues.
-So you don't know how to use it?
278
00:28:41,554 --> 00:28:43,431
Just pose.
279
00:28:43,514 --> 00:28:44,974
Girls...
280
00:28:50,313 --> 00:28:53,775
So what do you think of the old pad?
Pretty impressive, huh?
281
00:28:54,692 --> 00:28:57,904
-Very Las Vegas.
-Dad's favorite city. We go every year.
282
00:28:57,987 --> 00:29:00,573
And where do you go for your hols,
big boy?
283
00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:05,078
I must inform you that we have
an excellent bovine maintenance--
284
00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:08,873
A cow farm? Ramu goes to a cow farm!
285
00:29:08,957 --> 00:29:11,584
I also heard you rape your cows.
286
00:29:11,668 --> 00:29:13,503
That's our joke.
287
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:16,923
Here, have a drink.
Better than your normal swill, I'm sure.
288
00:29:18,341 --> 00:29:20,843
-B.U.B.U.
-What else?
289
00:29:24,889 --> 00:29:27,892
Do you do everything so fast?
290
00:29:27,976 --> 00:29:30,228
He wouldn't know, baby.
He's never done it.
291
00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:33,356
Those who can't drink
should not throw stones.
292
00:29:33,439 --> 00:29:36,067
OK, bugger, put your mouth
where the bottle is.
293
00:29:39,821 --> 00:29:41,948
Praemonitus, praemunitus.
294
00:29:42,031 --> 00:29:43,658
-Huh?
-Forewarned is forearmed.
295
00:29:43,741 --> 00:29:47,453
Treatises of Fistula, circa 1425,
J. Arderne.
296
00:29:47,537 --> 00:29:51,207
-Also Don Quixote's Cervantes--
-Just shut up and drink, quiz fucks.
297
00:30:05,388 --> 00:30:06,723
Drinks, I say!
298
00:30:21,237 --> 00:30:22,572
I think my father is calling me.
299
00:30:34,625 --> 00:30:35,626
Look what I found.
300
00:30:36,919 --> 00:30:38,796
Naman takes the bottle...
301
00:30:39,964 --> 00:30:42,467
uncorks it...
302
00:30:43,468 --> 00:30:46,054
and sniffs it deeply.
303
00:30:48,348 --> 00:30:52,185
A deep, rich and complex nose.
304
00:30:54,812 --> 00:30:56,814
-Dry orange peel.
-Mmm.
305
00:30:57,940 --> 00:30:59,525
Espresso.
306
00:31:00,193 --> 00:31:03,863
And incandescent notes of Gruyère
and smoked Parma ham.
307
00:31:03,946 --> 00:31:05,823
But you're vegetarian.
308
00:31:11,329 --> 00:31:13,998
I'm married. So...
309
00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:19,128
-You flick, I'll click.
-OK!
310
00:31:26,344 --> 00:31:27,720
I can't do it.
311
00:31:30,932 --> 00:31:33,726
- It's the fault of our caste.
312
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:35,561
Why are we Brahmans so conservative?
313
00:31:36,562 --> 00:31:40,316
Oh, for a bit of Labour
in these Tory times!
314
00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:43,403
Such a waste!
315
00:31:47,657 --> 00:31:52,328
There is, however,
another course of action.
316
00:32:08,010 --> 00:32:08,970
So!
317
00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:12,723
-Back again from Hyderabad?
-On a plane.
318
00:32:13,474 --> 00:32:15,268
Business class, of course.
319
00:32:15,351 --> 00:32:18,938
There was this, uh... mwah!
...girl next to me.
320
00:32:19,021 --> 00:32:22,525
-So you started feeling her up.
-Why didn't you fuck?
321
00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:25,111
Who said I didn't?
322
00:32:25,862 --> 00:32:27,488
There was this toilet.
323
00:32:27,572 --> 00:32:30,408
-And you joined the mile-high club.
-Coffee, tea or me?
324
00:32:30,491 --> 00:32:33,453
The uninhibited memoirs
of two airline stewardesses.
325
00:32:33,536 --> 00:32:35,079
-Rachel Jones.
-Trudy Baker.
326
00:32:35,163 --> 00:32:39,292
No, no, I used a Pleasure Sutra condom.
327
00:32:41,169 --> 00:32:43,337
- God promise.
328
00:32:48,468 --> 00:32:52,180
Wow, you guys are actually
attending class.
329
00:32:53,514 --> 00:32:56,934
-It's Wednesday.
-Coco-panties day.
330
00:32:57,018 --> 00:32:59,645
What is the color of the color TV?
331
00:33:32,762 --> 00:33:34,764
I say white.
332
00:33:34,847 --> 00:33:37,308
I'm a dirty fellow, so I would say yellow.
333
00:33:37,391 --> 00:33:40,436
-Pink. Think pink.
-Red.
334
00:33:49,529 --> 00:33:53,491
Class. Today, that sonnet without equal.
The esteemed...
335
00:33:53,574 --> 00:33:56,536
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
336
00:33:56,619 --> 00:34:00,248
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
337
00:34:00,331 --> 00:34:03,626
Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May,
338
00:34:03,709 --> 00:34:07,380
and summer's lease
hath all too short a date."
339
00:34:07,463 --> 00:34:11,551
And your lease will also expire shortly
if you don't stop that infernal giggling.
340
00:34:13,177 --> 00:34:16,597
In that case, my darling buds of May,
kindly pollinate away.
341
00:34:17,890 --> 00:34:21,602
This is a first.
Ronnie wanting to contribute to a class.
342
00:34:21,686 --> 00:34:24,021
-Speak!
-Or forever hold your piss.
343
00:34:24,105 --> 00:34:26,148
Quiz team, out now.
344
00:34:26,232 --> 00:34:31,654
Sir, by "pollinate away,"
are you asking the girls to eff off?
345
00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:33,489
Your private tuitions are helping.
346
00:34:34,907 --> 00:34:37,451
"Exit stage right, pursued by bear."
347
00:34:37,535 --> 00:34:39,954
Looks like the cricket team
comes in a package deal.
348
00:34:40,037 --> 00:34:42,123
Good things come in big packages.
349
00:34:43,165 --> 00:34:46,460
You can touch my silly point
with your fine leg any time.
350
00:34:50,423 --> 00:34:53,551
Your middle stump is very long.
351
00:34:53,634 --> 00:34:56,345
The stitches on your balls
seem quite nice.
352
00:35:00,349 --> 00:35:03,477
I'm sure you had
something to do with this. Thanks.
353
00:35:03,561 --> 00:35:06,480
Oh, and uh, enjoy your pocket billiards.
354
00:35:16,032 --> 00:35:17,700
Fucking lounge lizards.
355
00:35:20,828 --> 00:35:23,998
♪ Oh, you asshole ♪
356
00:35:24,081 --> 00:35:27,668
♪ Completely loathsome pain in the bum ♪
357
00:35:31,339 --> 00:35:34,717
♪ Brahman Naman
Fuck you up ♪
358
00:35:36,177 --> 00:35:39,221
Enough is enough. Let's call Henry.
359
00:35:46,062 --> 00:35:48,022
Coming, coming!
360
00:35:49,815 --> 00:35:50,941
Coming.
361
00:35:52,151 --> 00:35:54,070
"Coming, coming."
362
00:35:54,153 --> 00:35:56,530
Save some cum for the bitches!
363
00:35:56,614 --> 00:35:59,075
A man and his cum are soon parted.
364
00:36:00,076 --> 00:36:03,204
Something to get us in the mood.
365
00:36:03,287 --> 00:36:05,039
What mood?
366
00:36:05,122 --> 00:36:09,168
All you need is a hooker and a hard-on.
367
00:36:13,297 --> 00:36:19,303
♪ Well, show me the way
to the next little girl ♪
368
00:36:19,387 --> 00:36:22,056
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
369
00:36:22,139 --> 00:36:24,600
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
370
00:36:24,684 --> 00:36:29,814
♪ Just show me the way
to the next little girl... ♪
371
00:36:32,817 --> 00:36:35,236
I always like a starter
before the main course.
372
00:36:35,319 --> 00:36:37,279
Best way to start innings.
373
00:36:39,949 --> 00:36:44,120
50 rupees lollipop.
75 rupees mouthwash. 100 rupees full.
374
00:36:44,203 --> 00:36:46,080
Lollipop. Get inside.
375
00:36:51,043 --> 00:36:53,421
No, no, no, stay!
376
00:36:53,504 --> 00:36:56,924
When stadium is full,
batsman always performs better. Come on.
377
00:37:30,458 --> 00:37:32,793
Give me 75 rupees, mouthwash.
378
00:37:33,627 --> 00:37:35,379
Fifty-one secs!
379
00:37:53,355 --> 00:37:55,983
Now, your chance.
380
00:38:01,530 --> 00:38:04,158
-This is it, boys.
-Uh, Henry...
381
00:38:04,241 --> 00:38:07,244
Hey! You Brahman boys
have got the guts or no?
382
00:38:07,328 --> 00:38:09,079
Maybe for safety's sake, just a lollipop.
383
00:38:09,163 --> 00:38:11,373
Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome
and all that.
384
00:38:13,167 --> 00:38:16,712
Your money, your choice. Come.
385
00:38:28,933 --> 00:38:29,934
Uh...
386
00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:36,357
My friends, uh, they want blowjobs,
mouthwash, lollipop.
387
00:38:40,110 --> 00:38:41,821
What friends? Huh?
388
00:38:49,745 --> 00:38:51,580
Uh... Blowjob?
389
00:39:36,125 --> 00:39:38,168
Did you know
that this area was gerrymandered?
390
00:39:38,252 --> 00:39:39,503
Gerry who?
391
00:39:40,212 --> 00:39:42,590
Named after Massachusetts governor
Elbridge Gerry,
392
00:39:42,673 --> 00:39:44,300
who manipulated his electoral district
393
00:39:44,383 --> 00:39:46,343
so that the people who voted for him
the last time
394
00:39:46,427 --> 00:39:48,304
voted in a block for him the next time.
395
00:39:48,387 --> 00:39:50,472
And cut away the people
who did not vote for him,
396
00:39:50,556 --> 00:39:53,559
-and put them into another district.
-Correct.
397
00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:59,398
They did the same thing here to prevent
the Muslim candidate from winning again,
398
00:39:59,481 --> 00:40:02,610
adding a large Hindu majority block
to dilute the vote.
399
00:40:03,444 --> 00:40:04,945
What?
400
00:40:05,029 --> 00:40:08,365
Right now we could have been
in between the thighs of whores,
401
00:40:08,449 --> 00:40:10,159
losing our virginities.
402
00:40:10,242 --> 00:40:12,620
And here we are trading electoral trivia.
403
00:40:15,915 --> 00:40:17,583
That at all we have, Ajay.
404
00:40:19,710 --> 00:40:21,170
Trivia.
405
00:40:23,422 --> 00:40:24,256
Correct.
406
00:40:27,801 --> 00:40:32,348
Rubber On. Set up in the year 1972,
407
00:40:32,431 --> 00:40:37,186
with a dogged determination
to achieve world-class standards,
408
00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:42,191
Rubber On is India's finest
rubberized coil mattress.
409
00:40:42,274 --> 00:40:45,361
With technology imported from Austria,
410
00:40:45,444 --> 00:40:49,156
a dedicated workforce of more than 70,
411
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:54,703
Rubber On strives to be the mattress
of copulation to the nation's population.
412
00:40:54,787 --> 00:40:58,916
A mattress that always ensures
a healthy hump,
413
00:40:58,999 --> 00:41:04,254
optimizing orgasm frequency
and facilitating fluid flow.
414
00:41:04,338 --> 00:41:07,174
As is said by the holy Rita,
415
00:41:07,257 --> 00:41:12,554
a bed with the best booby bounce
results in deeper penetration.
416
00:41:12,638 --> 00:41:16,809
Rubbing, rubbing, rubbing.
417
00:41:16,892 --> 00:41:19,895
Who do you think I built up
the business for?
418
00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:25,776
After my retirement,
Rubber On will be only for you.
419
00:41:25,859 --> 00:41:27,987
Coffee? Buttermilk?
420
00:41:28,070 --> 00:41:31,073
-Half a cup for me.
-Nothing for me, Ma.
421
00:41:31,156 --> 00:41:35,953
When I was your age, I used to wake up
at 4 a.m., milk the cows,
422
00:41:36,036 --> 00:41:40,916
wake up my brothers, make myself coffee,
have a bath,
423
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,503
then go all the way to the Christian house
to give their children maths tuition.
424
00:41:44,586 --> 00:41:47,798
-Then I would--
-Go to grandfather's accountancy firm.
425
00:41:47,881 --> 00:41:49,383
Tell me something new, Appa.
426
00:41:49,466 --> 00:41:52,678
Hard work was our only ethic.
427
00:41:52,761 --> 00:41:55,139
And here you are drunk every night.
428
00:41:55,222 --> 00:41:57,474
You worked so hard
so that I wouldn't have to, Appa.
429
00:41:57,558 --> 00:41:59,935
Plus I'm paying for my drinks
with my own quizzing money.
430
00:42:00,019 --> 00:42:02,730
Quizzing? What will happen after college?
431
00:42:02,813 --> 00:42:06,692
Will your quizzing feed you
for the rest of your life?
432
00:42:06,775 --> 00:42:10,863
To keep up with the times,
I'm importing new machinery from Austria.
433
00:42:10,946 --> 00:42:13,574
The unique feature
of this main sheeting plant
434
00:42:13,657 --> 00:42:17,494
is that it facilitates
vertical fiber orientation.
435
00:42:17,578 --> 00:42:22,916
A process that results in the deeper
penetration of the latex into the sheet,
436
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,377
making it very classic.
437
00:42:25,461 --> 00:42:29,465
This provides the mattress
with a uniform density throughout
438
00:42:29,548 --> 00:42:32,176
and an extra cushioning effect.
439
00:42:32,259 --> 00:42:36,013
There you have a mattress
that is healthy for your back.
440
00:42:37,347 --> 00:42:40,225
What? Time for another quiz?
441
00:42:40,309 --> 00:42:41,769
Calcutta, Appa.
442
00:42:55,157 --> 00:42:56,700
Naman!
443
00:42:59,036 --> 00:43:01,246
- Naman.
- What?
444
00:43:02,289 --> 00:43:05,751
I just came to wish you good luck.
And goodbye.
445
00:43:05,834 --> 00:43:10,923
Well, you have.
Therefore, dasvidanya, arrivederci.
446
00:43:12,049 --> 00:43:14,176
Is there anything you need
for the journey?
447
00:43:14,259 --> 00:43:15,511
No.
448
00:43:16,678 --> 00:43:19,598
Actually, yes. Come with me.
449
00:43:21,225 --> 00:43:22,392
Hello, Ash.
450
00:43:31,318 --> 00:43:34,488
Ask for Rita.
It's easy if it's a girl's voice.
451
00:43:37,032 --> 00:43:40,160
Hello. May I speak to Rita, please?
452
00:43:58,804 --> 00:44:01,682
- Hello?
- Hello?
453
00:44:02,766 --> 00:44:03,642
Hi, Rita.
454
00:44:06,019 --> 00:44:10,149
-Who's this?
-This is an admirer.
455
00:44:10,232 --> 00:44:11,483
Admirer?
456
00:44:12,693 --> 00:44:14,361
Uh, I sent you that letter.
457
00:44:14,444 --> 00:44:16,280
What letter?
458
00:44:16,363 --> 00:44:19,741
- The one with the perfume.
459
00:44:22,119 --> 00:44:23,370
Hello?
460
00:44:23,453 --> 00:44:24,788
Hello?
461
00:44:25,539 --> 00:44:27,791
-Hello?
-Hello? Rita?
462
00:44:27,875 --> 00:44:30,669
- Hello? Are you in a station?
463
00:44:31,461 --> 00:44:32,337
Yes.
464
00:44:33,463 --> 00:44:36,508
Are you coming... or going?
465
00:44:37,134 --> 00:44:39,261
I... I don't know.
466
00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:46,935
Hello? Did you know you're the most
beautiful person on this Earth?
467
00:44:48,145 --> 00:44:49,354
Hello?
468
00:44:49,438 --> 00:44:51,356
Rita, hello? I love you.
469
00:45:01,742 --> 00:45:03,368
- Come on.
470
00:45:10,834 --> 00:45:14,338
You made it.
I was going to pull the chain.
471
00:45:14,421 --> 00:45:16,298
What happened to Ramu?
472
00:45:16,381 --> 00:45:19,092
He didn't ask his father for permission.
473
00:45:19,176 --> 00:45:20,928
There goes the fourth member for the quiz.
474
00:45:21,011 --> 00:45:24,681
I may be old, but I'm not dead yet.
475
00:45:24,765 --> 00:45:26,892
According to the rules
of the championship,
476
00:45:26,975 --> 00:45:29,895
your chaperone is allowed
to step into the breach.
477
00:45:30,687 --> 00:45:32,272
That's all good, then.
478
00:45:32,356 --> 00:45:35,233
Sir, can we play some music?
479
00:45:35,317 --> 00:45:38,612
-What? Can you repeat the question?
-Can we play some music?
480
00:45:38,695 --> 00:45:42,616
If music be the food of love, play on.
481
00:46:05,806 --> 00:46:10,143
What is this noise? The other people
have complained, you know.
482
00:46:10,227 --> 00:46:13,480
Sir, we are young.
Can enjoy only once.
483
00:46:13,563 --> 00:46:16,233
-Maintain decency.
-Definitely, sir.
484
00:46:47,597 --> 00:46:52,060
Padma R, F-18. Naina K, F-18.
485
00:46:52,144 --> 00:46:55,605
These F-18s can bomb my airbase anytime!
486
00:46:55,689 --> 00:46:58,066
Rani P, F-17.
487
00:46:58,150 --> 00:47:00,902
Augusta D, F-58.
488
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:07,826
Unfortunately, here, if I'm not very much
mistaken, are the exhibits themselves.
489
00:47:07,909 --> 00:47:10,871
These look one drop kick away
from an arranged marriage.
490
00:47:21,548 --> 00:47:24,634
Sir, why does Madras exist, as a concept?
491
00:47:26,094 --> 00:47:29,848
You know, I have a deathly relationship
with Madras.
492
00:47:29,931 --> 00:47:33,101
The first time I passed through the city,
the chief minister died.
493
00:47:33,185 --> 00:47:34,936
The second time, the governor died.
494
00:47:35,020 --> 00:47:38,190
This time, I hope
the cursed minorities die.
495
00:47:38,899 --> 00:47:41,193
Sir, surely that's a bit bigoted.
496
00:47:41,276 --> 00:47:42,652
Bigoted, shigoted.
497
00:47:42,736 --> 00:47:46,156
We Brahmans are the biggest
bigots and racists on this planet.
498
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:50,202
Why be ashamed of it?
Revel in your supremacy, I say.
499
00:47:50,285 --> 00:47:52,204
Quarter kilo.
500
00:47:55,707 --> 00:47:57,667
-Naman?
-Sir?
501
00:47:57,751 --> 00:48:00,754
-Dig out that gin bottle.
-Huh?
502
00:48:00,837 --> 00:48:03,632
I may be old, but I'm not blind. Yet.
503
00:48:03,715 --> 00:48:06,676
An old man is allowed
to enjoy his drink, too.
504
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:12,641
Cherry in the gin is cherry on the cake.
505
00:48:16,728 --> 00:48:18,396
Are all of you in your cups?
506
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:20,857
-Cheese to the bees.
-Cheers to the beers.
507
00:48:20,941 --> 00:48:24,069
-Diamonds are forever.
-Cherries to the berries.
508
00:48:27,614 --> 00:48:31,243
The aspiring chief minister
is not dead yet.
509
00:48:31,326 --> 00:48:33,286
But that can change.
510
00:48:33,912 --> 00:48:37,791
She used to live down my street
when she was a schoolgirl.
511
00:48:37,874 --> 00:48:41,128
The bitch in her green school uniform,
512
00:48:41,211 --> 00:48:46,133
skirt ending just below her panties.
513
00:48:46,216 --> 00:48:48,718
She literally dripped
as she walked along the street.
514
00:48:48,802 --> 00:48:53,849
And the dogs on heat
followed the bitch in heat.
515
00:49:00,147 --> 00:49:01,857
Ch-- Ch--
516
00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:04,526
Chrysalis, I believe that's the word
you were struggling for.
517
00:49:05,402 --> 00:49:07,237
Away from the parental cocoon.
518
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:11,533
Not to mention the most conservative city
in the world.
519
00:49:12,367 --> 00:49:15,537
-Madras.
-The nympha become butterflies.
520
00:49:15,620 --> 00:49:17,831
Interesting that you use the word
"nympha."
521
00:49:17,914 --> 00:49:21,710
If you're going to flog that old
nymphomaniac joke, forget it.
522
00:49:21,793 --> 00:49:25,547
Be that as it may,
whatever mania you girls subscribe to,
523
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:28,300
you seem to be of the quizzing persuasion.
524
00:49:28,383 --> 00:49:32,429
You don't need much persuasion
in a Brahman family, sir.
525
00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:36,600
Study, study, study.
Quizzing is good for you.
526
00:49:36,683 --> 00:49:40,312
I mean, who will marry you if you don't
have at least a postgraduate degree?
527
00:49:40,395 --> 00:49:43,857
That is correct. Who will indeed?
528
00:49:45,150 --> 00:49:48,153
-Have we seen you in Bangalore quizzes?
-We've seen you.
529
00:49:48,236 --> 00:49:50,780
-We were at the South Zone championship.
-Which we won.
530
00:49:50,864 --> 00:49:52,365
Oh, really, how could you tell?
531
00:49:55,869 --> 00:49:58,747
I'm Randeep... Randy.
532
00:49:59,664 --> 00:50:01,458
Padma. Paddy.
533
00:50:01,541 --> 00:50:03,835
No predictable Irish jokes, please.
534
00:50:03,919 --> 00:50:07,047
I was going for the rice theme. I'm Ajay.
535
00:50:07,964 --> 00:50:10,258
-Rani.
-Yasmin.
536
00:50:10,342 --> 00:50:11,259
Naina.
537
00:50:12,552 --> 00:50:14,429
He's Naman, our team captain.
538
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:18,683
I have seen Trappist monks
speak more than your team captain.
539
00:50:18,767 --> 00:50:23,563
Forget it. He's in love. With me.
540
00:50:26,900 --> 00:50:28,860
Where was she all my wife?
541
00:50:29,986 --> 00:50:31,613
Madras.
542
00:50:34,032 --> 00:50:35,992
You really must be in love.
543
00:50:36,868 --> 00:50:38,370
What makes you say that?
544
00:50:39,246 --> 00:50:42,374
Physical action instead of
a smart verbal comeback.
545
00:50:42,457 --> 00:50:44,251
But what can I do?
546
00:50:45,168 --> 00:50:46,670
Talk to her, maybe.
547
00:50:48,046 --> 00:50:49,506
It's been known to work.
548
00:50:52,217 --> 00:50:54,427
I'm going to try and chat with Paddy.
549
00:50:56,137 --> 00:50:58,598
-How about Rita?
-Who?
550
00:51:07,107 --> 00:51:09,025
So, the essence of my book,
551
00:51:09,109 --> 00:51:12,445
which I am titling
Nostradamus's Inevitable Hinduism,
552
00:51:12,529 --> 00:51:16,992
is that your superstar Christ
was in fact sired by a Roman guard.
553
00:51:17,075 --> 00:51:19,744
Tiberius Iulius Abdes Pantera.
554
00:51:19,828 --> 00:51:22,872
- Centurion much higher than a god.
- How quaint.
555
00:51:22,956 --> 00:51:26,710
Clearly there were traces of
miscegenation in your own family tree,
556
00:51:26,793 --> 00:51:30,755
-hence you're out to taint Christianity.
-No, no, there is proof.
557
00:51:30,839 --> 00:51:35,260
The Greek philosopher Celsus
said so in his work Alethès Lógos.
558
00:51:35,343 --> 00:51:39,139
-Which was refuted by his friend Origen--
-In his eight-volume work Contra Celsum.
559
00:51:41,725 --> 00:51:45,812
Naina, can I have a word with you alone?
560
00:51:48,398 --> 00:51:52,485
No. No mixing with boys.
What would your father say?
561
00:51:52,569 --> 00:51:54,863
Let her go, O Augusta Delphin.
562
00:51:54,946 --> 00:52:00,744
They are typical quiz boys.
Harmless, gutless, feckless.
563
00:52:02,871 --> 00:52:07,709
Clearly your protégés, then,
Bernard Judekumar Irudayarasan.
564
00:52:07,792 --> 00:52:11,671
I'll have you know, Miss Augusta,
that in 1968,
565
00:52:11,755 --> 00:52:16,176
when I used to come to your school,
there was not a single...
566
00:52:18,219 --> 00:52:20,805
Well, none for me?
567
00:52:20,889 --> 00:52:22,974
A beaker full of the warm south.
568
00:52:23,058 --> 00:52:24,934
The blushful Hippocrene.
569
00:52:27,812 --> 00:52:29,564
You know your stuff.
570
00:52:31,024 --> 00:52:32,025
Mmm.
571
00:52:32,108 --> 00:52:34,194
It's a funny thing about knowledge.
572
00:52:34,277 --> 00:52:36,863
It's been known for more than one person
to have it.
573
00:52:36,946 --> 00:52:40,158
-That's not what I meant.
-That is exactly what you meant.
574
00:52:40,241 --> 00:52:43,578
But you didn't say what you meant
when you said that--
575
00:52:43,661 --> 00:52:45,372
That you were in love with me.
576
00:52:46,539 --> 00:52:48,708
It's painfully obvious.
577
00:52:48,792 --> 00:52:55,215
I am good-looking,
smart, female, Brahman,
578
00:52:55,298 --> 00:52:58,218
now imbibing alcoholic libations with you.
579
00:52:58,301 --> 00:53:03,056
I even speak in that funny convoluted way
that quizzers seem to automatically adopt.
580
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:07,560
And if I were to ask you for that cigar,
you would propose right away.
581
00:53:08,770 --> 00:53:12,232
And I'm not awed
by your quiz-champ status.
582
00:53:15,151 --> 00:53:17,654
You know so much about me. How?
583
00:53:17,737 --> 00:53:19,489
I've seen you onstage.
584
00:53:19,572 --> 00:53:21,241
Admired me from afar.
585
00:53:21,950 --> 00:53:25,703
Seen you onstage. You are a great quizzer.
586
00:53:25,787 --> 00:53:32,585
Brahman fundamentalist, alcoholic,
sexist, et cetera, et cetera.
587
00:53:32,669 --> 00:53:34,295
Thanks.
588
00:53:34,379 --> 00:53:37,298
And only you would take that
as a compliment.
589
00:53:39,050 --> 00:53:43,596
-You still haven't answered.
-I still don't know what the question is.
590
00:53:46,641 --> 00:53:48,893
Are you coming or going?
591
00:53:48,977 --> 00:53:50,145
Forget it.
592
00:53:50,228 --> 00:53:51,563
-Brahman family.
-Naman.
593
00:53:51,646 --> 00:53:52,730
- Rita?
- Naina.
594
00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:54,607
- She's a Christian, ra.
- No!
595
00:53:56,943 --> 00:53:59,654
And what was worse,
was that I lost a fortune
596
00:53:59,737 --> 00:54:02,449
due to termites getting
into my deposit box.
597
00:54:03,700 --> 00:54:05,452
Sir, what happened?
598
00:54:05,535 --> 00:54:07,579
We're stuck at the Orissa-Bengal border.
599
00:54:07,662 --> 00:54:09,873
The ruling party has called for
a bandh, a general strike.
600
00:54:09,956 --> 00:54:12,375
No movement for the next 12 hours.
601
00:54:16,129 --> 00:54:19,841
-And the reserve, sir?
-I finished it all while you were asleep.
602
00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:21,634
Miss Augusta helped.
603
00:54:22,886 --> 00:54:25,388
And the train has run out of food.
604
00:54:25,472 --> 00:54:27,182
Wake up, bastard.
605
00:54:28,683 --> 00:54:31,478
--Wake up, bastard, wake up.
606
00:55:23,238 --> 00:55:24,322
Nipple.
607
00:55:26,950 --> 00:55:27,909
Aureolae.
608
00:55:33,206 --> 00:55:35,124
We need food.
609
00:55:36,167 --> 00:55:37,168
Booze.
610
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:40,380
Train.
611
00:55:44,092 --> 00:55:45,301
Stop.
612
00:55:45,385 --> 00:55:47,011
Food, food.
613
00:55:47,095 --> 00:55:48,721
Aah...
614
00:55:49,430 --> 00:55:51,391
And, uh, booze, booze.
615
00:55:51,474 --> 00:55:52,767
Mmm.
616
00:55:59,274 --> 00:56:00,149
Booze.
617
00:57:17,769 --> 00:57:19,604
Sorry.
618
00:57:19,687 --> 00:57:21,564
In China--
619
00:57:21,648 --> 00:57:26,611
Belching is considered to be a sign
of gratitude and satisfaction. I know.
620
00:57:27,862 --> 00:57:30,782
-Always a step ahead.
-Obviously.
621
00:57:32,367 --> 00:57:38,122
Anyway, I am grateful and satisfied.
Thank you for getting all this.
622
00:57:38,206 --> 00:57:42,752
Well, when one is described
as gutless and harmless--
623
00:57:42,835 --> 00:57:45,171
You left out feckless.
624
00:57:45,254 --> 00:57:48,549
James Joyce used the word "feck"
as a synonym for stealing.
625
00:57:48,633 --> 00:57:52,178
In A Portrait of the Artist
as a Young Man. Yeah.
626
00:57:53,054 --> 00:57:56,349
-Not bad.
-For a girl?
627
00:57:57,058 --> 00:58:00,395
-No. Not bad per se.
-Oh.
628
00:58:00,478 --> 00:58:03,022
A compliment. Not grudging.
629
00:58:05,483 --> 00:58:11,614
You were right when you said
that I don't really even understand--
630
00:58:11,698 --> 00:58:15,493
-Naman, don't you have a girlfriend?
-Yes.
631
00:58:15,576 --> 00:58:18,705
No. Not yet.
632
00:58:19,664 --> 00:58:22,000
Either way, you're unfaithful.
633
00:58:22,083 --> 00:58:27,422
No doubt you have some twisted
Brahman justification to explain it away.
634
00:58:27,505 --> 00:58:28,798
He does.
635
00:58:28,881 --> 00:58:31,968
Naina, Augusta ma'am says it's bedtime.
636
00:58:32,051 --> 00:58:35,555
- The last song on the--
- White Album. Good night.
637
00:58:52,780 --> 00:58:55,116
You realize who Naina is, don't you?
638
00:58:56,534 --> 00:58:57,702
Who?
639
00:58:59,620 --> 00:59:01,080
She's you, Naman.
640
00:59:03,458 --> 00:59:05,209
Female Naman.
641
00:59:08,129 --> 00:59:12,133
So, if you fuck her...
642
00:59:14,260 --> 00:59:16,220
it'll be like fucking yourself.
643
00:59:20,975 --> 00:59:22,852
That makes it homo sex.
644
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:34,238
- Good evening, everybody.
645
00:59:34,322 --> 00:59:38,034
How's Calcutta doing today?
How's Calcutta doing today?
646
00:59:38,117 --> 00:59:39,952
--Very good.
647
00:59:40,036 --> 00:59:43,414
This year is a very special year
648
00:59:43,498 --> 00:59:48,002
because we are celebrating
the 17th anniversary of quizzing in India,
649
00:59:48,086 --> 00:59:50,797
which, as you all know,
began right here in Calcutta.
650
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:55,051
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Quiz Superstars.
651
00:59:55,676 --> 00:59:59,680
The biggest quiz in India,
and I'm Brian D'Costa.
652
01:00:00,681 --> 01:00:02,391
-Oh, less of brain.
-Yeah.
653
01:00:02,475 --> 01:00:05,561
As usual, we have teams
from all across India,
654
01:00:05,645 --> 01:00:10,566
from Delhi, Bombay, Bangalore, Madras
655
01:00:10,650 --> 01:00:16,280
and, of course,
our very own kollolini Kolkata.
656
01:00:16,364 --> 01:00:18,991
--I have great news for you.
657
01:00:19,075 --> 01:00:23,371
This year, our sponsors are not only
hosting the outstation teams,
658
01:00:23,454 --> 01:00:27,750
but are also paying for the food
and beverage expenses.
659
01:00:27,834 --> 01:00:31,254
-What did he say?
-He said drinks are on the house.
660
01:00:33,548 --> 01:00:37,426
India has a proud tradition of quizzing.
661
01:00:37,510 --> 01:00:41,430
This is because
we Indians thirst for knowledge...
662
01:00:42,390 --> 01:00:45,810
Hey. How are you? All well?
Good to see you.
663
01:00:45,893 --> 01:00:48,646
We Indians also revel
in displaying said knowledge.
664
01:00:48,729 --> 01:00:53,526
Trivia, esoterica, science, technology.
665
01:00:53,609 --> 01:00:57,905
-16 whiskeys, please. On the quiz tab.
-Yes, sir.
666
01:00:57,989 --> 01:01:02,910
...our very lovely scorer for tonight,
Kitty Chatterjee.
667
01:01:03,619 --> 01:01:08,916
You look absolutely gorgeous.
Come on up. Wonderful. Welcome.
668
01:01:09,542 --> 01:01:12,920
Can we have a big round of applause
for Kitty tonight? Thank you.
669
01:01:14,172 --> 01:01:18,509
Thank you so much. All right,
my next question is for Bangalore.
670
01:01:18,593 --> 01:01:20,803
Are you ready for this question?
671
01:01:20,887 --> 01:01:25,766
On Calcutta's suburban trains,
what are the pen sellers called?
672
01:01:25,850 --> 01:01:27,768
Your time starts now.
673
01:01:29,187 --> 01:01:31,772
This is a pass-on round... Yes?
674
01:01:31,856 --> 01:01:35,193
-Lalu-Bhulus.
-That is the right answer.
675
01:01:35,276 --> 01:01:38,362
Big round of applause, please.
Thank you so much.
676
01:01:38,446 --> 01:01:39,947
Kitty, two points for Bangalore.
677
01:01:40,031 --> 01:01:41,699
Delhi, my next question,
678
01:01:41,782 --> 01:01:45,411
who was the cowriter of Layla,
along with Eric Clapton?
679
01:01:45,494 --> 01:01:47,038
George Harrison.
680
01:01:47,121 --> 01:01:51,334
I'm sorry, that's the incorrect answer.
The question now passes to Madras.
681
01:01:51,959 --> 01:01:54,253
-What is the answer?
-Jim Gordon.
682
01:01:54,337 --> 01:01:56,005
Absolutely right! Perfect!
683
01:01:57,298 --> 01:02:02,053
Team Bangalore, which 1942 painting
by Edward Hopper
684
01:02:02,136 --> 01:02:04,722
-depicts people in a downtown--
-Nighthawks.
685
01:02:04,805 --> 01:02:08,601
Perfect. Thank you so much.
Two points for Bangalore.
686
01:02:08,684 --> 01:02:12,647
Calcutta, the nationality
of Christopher Columbus.
687
01:02:12,730 --> 01:02:14,023
We guess he was Spanish.
688
01:02:14,106 --> 01:02:16,484
I am so sorry,
that's the incorrect answer.
689
01:02:16,567 --> 01:02:19,820
The question now passes to Bangalore.
690
01:02:19,904 --> 01:02:22,281
-Italy.
-Absolutely right.
691
01:02:22,365 --> 01:02:25,243
Bangalore is on a roll tonight.
692
01:02:25,326 --> 01:02:27,245
Who bowled him that first ball?
693
01:02:27,328 --> 01:02:29,914
-Graham McKenzie.
-That is perfectly right.
694
01:02:29,997 --> 01:02:33,542
-All right, Calcutta, what is the answer?
-1911.
695
01:02:33,626 --> 01:02:37,922
Absolutely right. May we have a big round
of applause for Calcutta! Thank you.
696
01:02:38,839 --> 01:02:42,134
This is a first. A tie.
697
01:02:42,218 --> 01:02:44,178
The reigning champions, Calcutta,
698
01:02:44,262 --> 01:02:50,393
and challengers Bangalore
are both tied on 32 points.
699
01:02:50,476 --> 01:02:52,770
As this is a winner-takes-all quiz,
700
01:02:52,853 --> 01:02:56,983
I shall now have to ask
a final tiebreaker question.
701
01:02:57,566 --> 01:02:58,985
Are you ready?
702
01:02:59,902 --> 01:03:03,155
Bangalore, this tiebreaker question
is for you.
703
01:03:03,239 --> 01:03:09,078
What is the American popular slang
for motels run by Indians?
704
01:03:09,996 --> 01:03:13,749
Most US hotels are run by Patels. Potels.
705
01:03:14,583 --> 01:03:15,418
What?
706
01:03:15,501 --> 01:03:17,378
Your time is running out,
Bangalore.
707
01:03:17,461 --> 01:03:20,715
- Oh, sorry. Can you repeat the question?
- Yes.
708
01:03:20,798 --> 01:03:26,220
What is the American popular slang
for motels run by Indians?
709
01:03:26,304 --> 01:03:30,808
Simple. Potels. Motels run by Patels.
710
01:03:32,685 --> 01:03:35,730
Bangalore, that is the wrong answer.
711
01:03:36,689 --> 01:03:39,275
Calcutta, it's your turn.
712
01:03:39,358 --> 01:03:42,153
I believe the correct answer
would be Patels.
713
01:03:42,236 --> 01:03:46,073
That is absolutely right.
Calcutta have the right answer!
714
01:03:46,157 --> 01:03:48,576
- Calcutta wins again!
715
01:03:48,659 --> 01:03:50,745
Potels, not Patels,
is the correct answer, sir.
716
01:03:50,828 --> 01:03:55,499
-Potels. Potels, Calcutta, potels.
-It's Patels.
717
01:03:56,709 --> 01:03:59,545
It's a fix. I knew it.
718
01:04:09,513 --> 01:04:14,935
I curse you,
you fucking brainless Brian baboon.
719
01:04:18,397 --> 01:04:21,317
♪ Oh, you asshole ♪
720
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:24,820
♪ Completely loathsome pain in the bum ♪
721
01:04:28,574 --> 01:04:31,744
♪ Brahman Naman
Fuck you up ♪
722
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:52,723
Sorry, Naman. You deserved to win.
723
01:04:52,807 --> 01:04:56,477
- It's a fix. That fucking brainless--
724
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:57,770
Naman, this is my father.
725
01:04:57,853 --> 01:05:00,606
Sorry, uncle. It's just that--
726
01:05:00,689 --> 01:05:04,443
Whatever the scenario, the use of foul
language is not appropriate, young man.
727
01:05:05,528 --> 01:05:06,904
Sorry, uncle.
728
01:05:06,987 --> 01:05:08,572
What are you studying?
729
01:05:09,949 --> 01:05:13,411
Commerce. St. James, Bangalore, sir.
730
01:05:13,494 --> 01:05:16,664
It's a good college. What are your plans?
731
01:05:16,747 --> 01:05:20,292
-Plans?
-I mean career plans.
732
01:05:20,376 --> 01:05:23,546
You're studying B-com? Hello?
733
01:05:23,629 --> 01:05:25,840
You're studying B-com, next year, MBA?
734
01:05:25,923 --> 01:05:28,426
Sir, I haven't really decided.
735
01:05:29,593 --> 01:05:32,763
Well, that's a problem with today's boys.
736
01:05:32,847 --> 01:05:36,559
Look at my Naina. She's already preparing
for her MBA entrance.
737
01:05:39,228 --> 01:05:42,231
Naina, let me go and check the tickets.
738
01:05:44,817 --> 01:05:48,112
I'm so sorry.
He's not as bad as he sounds.
739
01:05:48,195 --> 01:05:51,282
My father asks me the same questions.
740
01:05:52,658 --> 01:05:56,912
Anyway, what was he saying about
the tickets? Aren't you returning with us?
741
01:05:56,996 --> 01:05:58,914
No. Uh...
742
01:05:58,998 --> 01:06:02,001
We're going to Jamshedpur to see my aunt.
743
01:06:02,084 --> 01:06:05,129
-So when...?
-Who knows?
744
01:06:07,506 --> 01:06:08,716
And us?
745
01:06:08,799 --> 01:06:12,052
Naman, just because a girl spends time
with you on equal terms
746
01:06:12,136 --> 01:06:14,430
doesn't qualify for an "us."
747
01:06:19,602 --> 01:06:20,769
Do you even like me?
748
01:06:23,439 --> 01:06:28,194
You're oddly likable.
Or likable, which is odd.
749
01:06:42,791 --> 01:06:45,419
On the quiz tab.
750
01:07:02,978 --> 01:07:07,191
Naman, if you don't mind,
I have a suggestion.
751
01:07:09,318 --> 01:07:12,029
What can you possibly add
to this wonderful evening?
752
01:07:14,323 --> 01:07:18,702
Why don't you give Rita a call?
She was Plan A, after all.
753
01:07:22,248 --> 01:07:24,792
Out of the mouths of babes and sucklings!
754
01:07:25,918 --> 01:07:27,711
Bloody master.
755
01:07:38,597 --> 01:07:41,058
-Details?
-So...
756
01:07:41,141 --> 01:07:44,687
was Padma aka Paddy a virgin?
Rivers of blood, et cetera?
757
01:07:45,271 --> 01:07:48,399
-We didn't really...
-What? But you were with her all night.
758
01:07:48,482 --> 01:07:52,319
-Actually, we didn't do it.
-Why, bambino? No lead in the old pencil?
759
01:07:52,403 --> 01:07:54,488
No, you didn't let me finish.
760
01:07:54,572 --> 01:07:59,159
I was going to say, actually,
we didn't do it with a condom.
761
01:07:59,243 --> 01:08:00,703
Bareback.
762
01:08:02,246 --> 01:08:04,915
It slipped in smooth with no obstacles.
763
01:08:04,999 --> 01:08:07,167
So who popped it? The milkman?
764
01:08:07,251 --> 01:08:09,837
She said it broke
from excessive cycle riding.
765
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:12,423
Not from excessive Ajay riding.
766
01:08:14,508 --> 01:08:16,510
I wonder what she'll tell her husband?
767
01:08:16,594 --> 01:08:19,555
I believe hymenoplasty
is an option these days.
768
01:08:20,389 --> 01:08:21,223
Hmm.
769
01:08:54,506 --> 01:08:58,844
-♪ Where did you go? ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
770
01:08:58,927 --> 01:09:03,307
-♪ I don't know ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
771
01:09:03,390 --> 01:09:07,019
-♪ I don't know ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
772
01:09:07,102 --> 01:09:11,815
-♪ Where did you go? ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
773
01:09:11,899 --> 01:09:16,320
-♪ I am in pain ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
774
01:09:16,403 --> 01:09:20,532
-♪ You were in train ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
775
01:09:20,616 --> 01:09:25,037
-♪ I am in train ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
776
01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:29,416
-♪ Are you in pain? ♪
-♪ Ah ♪
777
01:09:29,500 --> 01:09:33,545
-♪ Is this a game? ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
778
01:09:33,629 --> 01:09:37,841
-♪ This is a shame ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
779
01:09:37,925 --> 01:09:44,932
♪ This is a game ♪
780
01:09:45,808 --> 01:09:49,103
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
781
01:09:49,186 --> 01:09:52,147
Quick. Piss her out.
782
01:09:53,315 --> 01:09:55,567
-On the tracks?
-Where else?
783
01:11:19,526 --> 01:11:22,070
Listen, you can't keep
calling me like this.
784
01:11:22,154 --> 01:11:24,156
My parents have been wondering.
785
01:11:24,239 --> 01:11:27,159
And you keep hanging up
when anybody else picks up.
786
01:11:27,242 --> 01:11:30,078
That's because I want to talk only to you.
787
01:11:31,371 --> 01:11:32,456
Can I call you darling?
788
01:11:33,123 --> 01:11:34,708
Darling Rita.
789
01:11:35,667 --> 01:11:36,502
Hmm.
790
01:11:36,585 --> 01:11:38,504
You're looking beautiful.
791
01:11:38,587 --> 01:11:40,172
-Hello?
-Hello?
792
01:11:40,255 --> 01:11:41,548
Hello.
793
01:11:41,632 --> 01:11:43,759
You're looking beautiful.
794
01:11:45,552 --> 01:11:47,054
Hmm...
795
01:11:48,889 --> 01:11:50,390
How do you know?
796
01:11:51,141 --> 01:11:54,144
Because girls look beautiful
when they are angry.
797
01:11:54,228 --> 01:11:57,564
But I don't even know what you look like.
798
01:11:57,648 --> 01:12:00,442
In the fullness of time,
at the appropriate juncture.
799
01:12:00,526 --> 01:12:03,237
- Hello?
- At the appropriate juncture.
800
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:04,780
- Hello?
- I can't--
801
01:12:04,863 --> 01:12:06,782
Please give me a clue.
802
01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:09,493
I wrote an article in
the St. James' College magazine last year.
803
01:12:10,410 --> 01:12:11,870
-Hello?
-Hello?
804
01:12:11,954 --> 01:12:15,374
- What was it called?
- A Treatise.
805
01:12:16,667 --> 01:12:19,169
Hello? Rita, hello?
806
01:12:20,546 --> 01:12:22,130
A Treatise.
807
01:12:23,048 --> 01:12:24,383
Hello?
808
01:12:27,427 --> 01:12:29,805
There you are. I looked everywhere.
809
01:12:29,888 --> 01:12:31,265
What do you want?
810
01:12:31,974 --> 01:12:36,103
-I just heard about Calcutta and--
-You've come to gloat about our defeat.
811
01:12:36,186 --> 01:12:39,481
You know I would never even dream
of anything like that.
812
01:12:39,565 --> 01:12:43,235
Good news, good news, the Lord
is coming, the savior is coming!
813
01:12:43,318 --> 01:12:48,282
-But I am already here.
-No, Lord Jesus Christ is coming.
814
01:12:48,365 --> 01:12:51,326
Austin Town football ground.
7 p.m. Wednesday.
815
01:12:51,410 --> 01:12:52,744
Is he coming in person?
816
01:13:03,046 --> 01:13:04,798
-This one?
-Yeah.
817
01:13:05,757 --> 01:13:07,593
Are you Naman?
818
01:13:15,684 --> 01:13:17,519
Are you Naman?
819
01:13:18,854 --> 01:13:21,523
A Treatise indeed.
820
01:13:22,524 --> 01:13:23,984
And do you know what?
821
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:27,154
The stupid language of your stupid piece
822
01:13:27,237 --> 01:13:30,991
totally matched the stupid language
of your stupid letter.
823
01:13:31,074 --> 01:13:32,075
Stupid!
824
01:13:33,410 --> 01:13:36,622
So you're the one
who's been calling me all this while.
825
01:13:39,207 --> 01:13:42,920
Never ever call me again. Coward.
826
01:13:51,261 --> 01:13:53,597
At least she spoke to you face-to-face.
827
01:13:56,308 --> 01:13:59,478
♪ My baby left me ♪
828
01:13:59,561 --> 01:14:01,438
♪ She was mad ♪
829
01:14:02,439 --> 01:14:05,108
"Never ever call me again.
830
01:14:05,192 --> 01:14:07,694
-Coward."
-Fuckers.
831
01:14:07,778 --> 01:14:09,571
With friends like you, who needs enemas?
832
01:14:09,655 --> 01:14:11,657
This is what I told you in the beginning.
833
01:14:11,740 --> 01:14:14,451
Don't have anything to do with girls.
They are stupid.
834
01:14:14,534 --> 01:14:17,204
How about your fling with Padma
in Calcutta?
835
01:14:18,121 --> 01:14:21,375
The best thing to do is jerk her out.
836
01:14:21,458 --> 01:14:23,919
She'll disappear from your heart
as soon as you cum.
837
01:14:24,002 --> 01:14:25,879
Don't worry, she's probably
an untouchable anyway.
838
01:14:26,964 --> 01:14:29,716
To the victory of sex. Sex is truth.
839
01:14:29,800 --> 01:14:31,927
In vino veritas.
840
01:14:32,010 --> 01:14:34,429
There's truth in alcohol, too.
841
01:14:34,930 --> 01:14:37,224
Forgive me, I lied to you in Calcutta.
842
01:14:37,891 --> 01:14:42,437
At least you got laid, ra.
Padma ain't no Sylvia Kristel, but...
843
01:14:42,521 --> 01:14:43,563
That night after the quiz,
844
01:14:43,647 --> 01:14:46,650
her boyfriend had followed her to Calcutta
to get time alone with her.
845
01:14:46,733 --> 01:14:50,153
Miss Augusta let her go with me
because Bernie told her we were harmless.
846
01:14:50,737 --> 01:14:53,991
I took her to her boyfriend's hotel
and waited while she went upstairs.
847
01:14:54,825 --> 01:14:57,077
She took hours and hours to come back.
848
01:14:57,160 --> 01:14:59,788
--At least somebody got laid!
849
01:15:06,420 --> 01:15:10,465
Hey. Why chase after Nainas and Ritas
when you have her?
850
01:15:10,549 --> 01:15:12,509
-I wouldn't go there.
-I would.
851
01:15:12,592 --> 01:15:16,972
So what if she's got pimples.
Nice tits, nice arse.
852
01:15:17,055 --> 01:15:19,599
Cover the face, fire the base.
853
01:15:21,560 --> 01:15:25,147
I know I'm not invited here,
but Rita told me what she said to you--
854
01:15:25,230 --> 01:15:28,567
For a change, you aren't gloating.
Take a pew.
855
01:15:33,613 --> 01:15:35,699
♪ Fuck you! ♪
856
01:15:35,782 --> 01:15:38,118
♪ I'll be fine ♪
857
01:15:44,458 --> 01:15:47,836
I want green salad.
858
01:15:47,919 --> 01:15:52,758
-Sorry, sir, kitchen is closed.
-But I want green salad.
859
01:15:58,305 --> 01:16:02,100
- I think you should go home now.
- I want green salad.
860
01:16:02,184 --> 01:16:04,895
I want revenge. Bloody leper Rita.
861
01:16:06,730 --> 01:16:08,523
You'll get your revenge, baba.
862
01:16:08,607 --> 01:16:11,610
"If you prick us, do we not bleed?
863
01:16:11,693 --> 01:16:14,279
If you tickle us, do we not laugh?"
864
01:16:14,362 --> 01:16:16,073
"If you poison us, do we not die?"
865
01:16:16,156 --> 01:16:19,785
"If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?"
866
01:16:19,868 --> 01:16:21,244
Shakespeare.
867
01:16:23,038 --> 01:16:25,165
- I want...
- Randy!
868
01:16:25,248 --> 01:16:26,666
...green salad.
869
01:16:26,750 --> 01:16:29,711
- Come down. Come down now.
- Please, what are you doing?
870
01:16:29,795 --> 01:16:31,630
But I want green fucking salad.
871
01:16:31,713 --> 01:16:33,590
Randy, please just come down.
Please.
872
01:16:34,591 --> 01:16:37,677
No green. No women.
873
01:16:39,054 --> 01:16:40,597
No salad.
874
01:16:43,016 --> 01:16:44,392
What's the point in living?
875
01:16:48,313 --> 01:16:50,607
Come down, ra.
Don't make a scene here.
876
01:16:50,690 --> 01:16:52,526
- Please, Randy.
- Waiter, salad, now.
877
01:16:52,609 --> 01:16:57,405
- It's coming.
- This way. Come down, please. Careful.
878
01:16:59,699 --> 01:17:01,785
There's your green salad.
879
01:17:24,683 --> 01:17:28,395
Precision... is the key.
880
01:17:33,859 --> 01:17:37,320
God, what have I created?
881
01:17:48,331 --> 01:17:51,918
Watch and learn.
The revenge of the Brahman.
882
01:18:09,144 --> 01:18:10,812
Where to now?
883
01:18:11,980 --> 01:18:14,608
You want to see something
you've never seen before?
884
01:18:15,442 --> 01:18:18,904
Romantic, soft, bouncy.
885
01:18:20,197 --> 01:18:22,490
I would love to!
886
01:18:27,245 --> 01:18:30,207
Joseph! Joseph!
887
01:18:30,290 --> 01:18:34,211
Yaarappa? Sir, you so late.
888
01:18:34,294 --> 01:18:36,838
Leave the light on, maado,
and go back to bed, understand?
889
01:18:46,973 --> 01:18:49,434
-Wow.
-Impressive.
890
01:18:49,517 --> 01:18:52,395
My father imports these machines
from Austria.
891
01:18:52,812 --> 01:18:53,855
Really?
892
01:19:34,396 --> 01:19:38,483
For madam, the finest
rubberized coir latex
893
01:19:38,566 --> 01:19:42,153
featuring a fabulous jute hessian
quilted cloth.
894
01:19:43,822 --> 01:19:50,662
Or perhaps this one. This one sinks
to make perfect contours for your body.
895
01:19:50,745 --> 01:19:55,875
Or should I say...
contours for your perfect body?
896
01:20:07,345 --> 01:20:09,180
I have a surprise for you.
897
01:20:24,946 --> 01:20:27,574
A Brahman cannot sip
from the same bottle as you.
898
01:20:28,658 --> 01:20:31,328
Our lips are going to touch anyway.
899
01:20:31,411 --> 01:20:34,581
Besides, I'm a Brahman, too.
900
01:20:58,772 --> 01:21:00,565
Ow! Naman!
901
01:21:02,067 --> 01:21:04,277
Ouch. What are you thinking?
902
01:21:06,029 --> 01:21:07,405
Sorry.
903
01:21:08,823 --> 01:21:10,700
How bad is it?
904
01:21:21,002 --> 01:21:22,504
Ash?
905
01:21:25,006 --> 01:21:26,925
Cover the face.
906
01:21:29,386 --> 01:21:31,304
Fire the base.
907
01:22:11,553 --> 01:22:14,305
I've waited so long for this, Naman.
908
01:22:36,661 --> 01:22:38,371
Where are you going, bastard?
909
01:22:55,555 --> 01:22:59,559
Sorry for you, Naman. Very sorry.
910
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:05,982
I came here tonight because I loved you,
despite the constant mocking and...
911
01:23:06,524 --> 01:23:09,444
underneath I thought
that there was some affection for me.
912
01:23:10,278 --> 01:23:12,572
I was so wrong.
913
01:23:12,655 --> 01:23:16,576
Your arrogance is just a front
for your ugliness.
914
01:23:17,285 --> 01:23:19,704
Yes, Naman, you're ugly.
915
01:23:26,753 --> 01:23:30,548
Rita was right.
You're nothing but a coward.
916
01:23:31,799 --> 01:23:35,762
You think because you have all the answers
you're so clever. You don't.
917
01:23:36,429 --> 01:23:38,097
And you're not.
918
01:23:38,932 --> 01:23:41,935
Once your cheerleader friends
grow up and see through you,
919
01:23:42,018 --> 01:23:46,898
you're going to be left all alone
for the rest of your miserable life.
920
01:24:46,082 --> 01:24:49,794
What are you waiting for? Fuck off.
921
01:24:52,380 --> 01:24:54,924
-It's a long walk back.
-I said, fuck off.
922
01:25:50,146 --> 01:25:52,398
-Naman, I--
-The Iriya Samiti,
923
01:25:52,482 --> 01:25:55,068
the regulation of walking
in Jain scriptures,
924
01:25:55,151 --> 01:25:58,446
it states that one should walk
looking carefully six feet distance ahead.
925
01:25:58,529 --> 01:26:01,741
So as not to cause the pain or death
of any living being.
926
01:26:01,824 --> 01:26:03,785
"I like long walks.
927
01:26:04,744 --> 01:26:07,705
Especially when they're taken
by people who annoy me."
928
01:26:12,335 --> 01:26:14,128
Noël Coward.
929
01:26:19,967 --> 01:26:22,637
-Guess what.
-Hyderabad?
930
01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:26,432
I was coming back on a coach,
luxury class, of course.
931
01:26:26,516 --> 01:26:29,852
This sex bomb was in the seat next to me.
932
01:26:29,936 --> 01:26:31,688
Male or female?
933
01:26:33,189 --> 01:26:37,193
She fell asleep with her head
on my shoulders so I fiddled it.
934
01:26:38,319 --> 01:26:40,530
She pretended to stay asleep.
935
01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:43,783
So I stuck a finger in her pussy...
936
01:26:44,909 --> 01:26:47,704
...and I smelled it.
937
01:26:47,787 --> 01:26:49,330
Did it smell of fish?
938
01:26:49,414 --> 01:26:53,209
It was heavenly, ra, like your
grandmom's freshly cooked biryani.
939
01:26:53,292 --> 01:26:56,504
-Veg or non-veg?
-Did you fuck her?
940
01:27:06,305 --> 01:27:08,975
- Welcome, Bangalore.
941
01:27:09,058 --> 01:27:13,938
Welcome to the finals of the
Annual Sagaya Mary Memorial Quiz.
942
01:27:15,648 --> 01:27:19,861
Now, before we begin this event,
let me inform you about
943
01:27:19,944 --> 01:27:26,367
certain shameful shenanigans at the
Quiz Superstars event held in Calcutta.
944
01:27:26,451 --> 01:27:30,163
Upset at being beaten by a superior team,
945
01:27:30,246 --> 01:27:36,252
the Bangalore team abused our hospitality
and ran up a bill of 4,000 rupees,
946
01:27:36,335 --> 01:27:40,590
including two bottles of single malt.
947
01:27:44,719 --> 01:27:47,180
So this is for you, Naman Bala.
948
01:27:47,263 --> 01:27:53,936
You and your entire team
are henceforth banned from this quiz.
949
01:27:54,687 --> 01:27:59,984
If I had my way, from every other quiz.
950
01:28:00,985 --> 01:28:05,573
Please leave the hall. Now!
951
01:28:08,075 --> 01:28:09,702
Now.
952
01:28:09,786 --> 01:28:13,790
Will the other finalists
please come up on stage?
953
01:28:16,334 --> 01:28:18,044
What the hell are you doing, Naman?
954
01:28:19,045 --> 01:28:22,215
If this is your apology,
then you're too late for it, trust me.
955
01:28:24,675 --> 01:28:26,344
Give him a chance, man.
956
01:28:28,179 --> 01:28:30,223
There is a word...
957
01:28:32,141 --> 01:28:36,854
There is a word in the English language,
derived from the Latin, of course,
958
01:28:36,938 --> 01:28:40,733
that is an expression of contrition.
959
01:28:43,236 --> 01:28:44,695
I have committed an offense.
960
01:28:45,988 --> 01:28:50,993
And perception of that offense
can compound over time...
961
01:28:51,994 --> 01:28:53,830
otherwise known as compounding remorse.
962
01:28:55,081 --> 01:28:58,417
What I am doing here is to compunctulate.
963
01:28:59,627 --> 01:29:02,672
No, to recompunctulate.
964
01:29:17,645 --> 01:29:20,022
-I have decided.
-What?
965
01:29:20,106 --> 01:29:22,441
I'll marry Ash
and make an honest woman out of her.
966
01:29:22,525 --> 01:29:24,443
Where did that come from?
967
01:29:24,527 --> 01:29:26,904
If you're looking for context,
young apprentice,
968
01:29:26,988 --> 01:29:30,408
the events of the last few days
must not have escaped your notice.
969
01:29:30,491 --> 01:29:31,909
She is Brahman.
970
01:29:32,952 --> 01:29:36,205
While Ramu here gets ready to get
deflowered by a bull,
971
01:29:36,289 --> 01:29:41,043
unless he's already lost his hymen to
a milkman or other assorted menial help.
972
01:29:41,127 --> 01:29:44,755
It was a bull... that broke my foot.
973
01:29:49,510 --> 01:29:50,803
Where was I?
974
01:29:50,886 --> 01:29:52,722
Ramu was getting fucked.
975
01:29:53,556 --> 01:29:57,977
No, I was in Ash, but I will be once
we are joined together in holy matrimony.
976
01:29:58,060 --> 01:29:59,562
Hi, honchos.
977
01:30:03,232 --> 01:30:05,693
Coming for alcoholic libations
at the dhaba?
978
01:30:31,052 --> 01:30:37,141
♪ Oh, show me the way
to the next whiskey bar ♪
979
01:30:37,224 --> 01:30:39,727
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
980
01:30:39,810 --> 01:30:42,605
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
981
01:30:42,688 --> 01:30:47,943
♪ Show me the way
to the next whiskey bar ♪
982
01:30:48,027 --> 01:30:50,571
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
983
01:30:50,655 --> 01:30:53,199
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
984
01:30:53,282 --> 01:30:58,162
♪ For if we don't find
the next whiskey bar ♪
985
01:30:58,245 --> 01:31:00,831
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
986
01:31:00,915 --> 01:31:03,459
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
987
01:31:03,542 --> 01:31:06,045
♪ I tell you
I tell you ♪
988
01:31:06,128 --> 01:31:08,673
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
989
01:31:18,099 --> 01:31:24,188
♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪
990
01:31:24,271 --> 01:31:29,276
♪ We now must say goodbye ♪
991
01:31:29,360 --> 01:31:35,574
♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪
992
01:31:35,658 --> 01:31:40,454
♪ And must have whiskey
Oh, you know why ♪
993
01:31:40,538 --> 01:31:46,335
♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪
994
01:31:46,419 --> 01:31:51,298
♪ We now must say goodbye ♪
995
01:31:51,382 --> 01:31:57,722
♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪
996
01:31:57,805 --> 01:32:01,851
♪ And must have whiskey
Oh, you know why ♪
997
01:32:08,357 --> 01:32:14,572
♪ Well, show me the way
to the next little girl ♪
998
01:32:14,655 --> 01:32:17,241
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
999
01:32:17,324 --> 01:32:19,744
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
1000
01:32:19,827 --> 01:32:25,624
♪ Just show me the way
to the next little girl ♪
1001
01:32:25,708 --> 01:32:28,335
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
1002
01:32:28,419 --> 01:32:31,046
♪ Oh, don't ask why ♪
1003
01:32:31,130 --> 01:32:36,677
♪ For if we don't find
the next little girl ♪
1004
01:32:36,761 --> 01:32:39,305
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
1005
01:32:39,388 --> 01:32:42,057
♪ I tell you we must die ♪
1006
01:32:42,141 --> 01:32:47,563
♪ I tell you, I tell you
I tell you we must die ♪
1007
01:32:52,985 --> 01:32:58,866
♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪
1008
01:32:58,949 --> 01:33:04,121
♪ We now must say goodbye ♪
1009
01:33:04,205 --> 01:33:10,127
♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪
1010
01:33:10,211 --> 01:33:15,090
♪ And must have whiskey
Oh, you know why ♪
1011
01:33:15,174 --> 01:33:21,013
♪ Oh, moon of Alabama ♪
1012
01:33:21,096 --> 01:33:25,893
♪ We now must say goodbye ♪
1013
01:33:25,976 --> 01:33:32,316
♪ We've lost our good old mama ♪
1014
01:33:32,399 --> 01:33:36,403
♪ And must have whiskey
Oh, you know why ♪
1015
01:33:56,298 --> 01:34:00,678
-♪ Where did you go? ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1016
01:34:00,761 --> 01:34:05,015
-♪ I don't know ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1017
01:34:05,099 --> 01:34:08,936
-♪ I don't know ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1018
01:34:09,019 --> 01:34:13,607
-♪ Where did you go? ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1019
01:34:13,691 --> 01:34:18,112
-♪ I am in pain ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1020
01:34:18,195 --> 01:34:22,366
-♪ You were in train ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1021
01:34:22,449 --> 01:34:26,829
-♪ I am in pain ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1022
01:34:26,912 --> 01:34:31,292
-♪ Are you in pain? ♪
-♪ Ah ♪
1023
01:34:31,375 --> 01:34:35,629
-♪ Is this a game? ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1024
01:34:35,713 --> 01:34:40,009
-♪ This is a shame ♪
-♪ Ah, ah ♪
1025
01:34:40,092 --> 01:34:47,099
♪ This is a game ♪
1026
01:34:47,766 --> 01:34:51,812
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪
74546
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