Original subtitles

Be careful. Over here.

I don't know how I didn't see that snake.

We've got to get the venom out quick or

you could lose the leg.

Ohh

Don't stop.

Here. Drink this.

Thanks. You're awfully nice to help out a

complete stranger like this. What

were you doing down here in the middle of

the jungle anyway?

Oh, I I was on a boat

cruise on the Amazon and

we were attacked. Attacked. Oh yeah,

by by natives. And and they were

cannibals and and they were trying to eat

me. And I don't mean in a good way. I

barely escaped with my life. Well, I've

been down here over five years and I've

never had any native troubles.

So what are you doing down here anyway,

besides rescuing damsels in distress?

I run a little business down here. And

what kind of business operates deep in

the Amazon jungle?It's an import-export

type of thing. What kind of exports?

You know, you ask a lot of questions for

a girl who just got bitten by a poisonous

snake. Oh, sorry. I just

must be a little shaken up. I'm not used

to big, giant snakes.

At least not the poisonous kind.

It's okay. I just like my privacy.

So. Import-export, huhHuh

That means you spend all day putting

things in and taking things out.

In and out.

In and out. Yeah,

something like that.

So, why don't you show me?

Oh, yeah.

oh

Import/export my eye. This guy's into

illegal contraband, or my name isn't

Tanya X. Of course it isn't

really Tanya X, but that's besides the

point.

HuhWhat are you doing?Hold it

right there. Hey, where were you keeping

that gun?HuhWouldn't you like to know,

Ricardo?You know my name?I know all

about you and your little smuggling

operation. Shipping fresh bananas

into the U.S. when you know that the

fruit and vegetable market is depressed

right now, have you no sense of

patriotism?Who are you?

I'm Agent Tanya X with the Bureau of

International Knowledge,

Intelligence and Non Standard

Investigations. HuhYou

heard me. I'm the girl from Bikini.

Damn it. We've been wise to you for

months and I was sent here to shut you

down permanently. Agent

Tanya to Director Martin. Agent Tanya to

Director Martin. Come in, please.

This is Director Martin. Go ahead, Tanya.

Director Martin, I have got Ricardo in

custody and he was smuggling the fruit

just as we suspected. Excellent work,

Tanya, but that's not important. I need

you back at Bikini HQ immediately.

Yes, ma'am. What's the big emergency?

Agent Tanya, I am about to send you on

the most important assignment of your

career.

Ah, Agent Tanya, come on in.

I trust you had a pleasant flight back

from South America. Yes, ma'am. The

military airlift picked me up in

Bogota. It was just me and 200

combat weary veterans who hadn't seen a

woman in six months. I hope that wasn't a

problem. No, not at all. They stood at

attention and I saluted.

Well done. We do like to support our

troops. Thank you. And you got Ricardo

turned over to the FDA. Yes, ma'am. For a

while there, I wasn't sure if he had a

banana in his pants or he was just happy

to see me. Turns out it was both.

Excellent. Now on to the assignment that

I was telling you about. Yes, you said it

was very important. It is only the most

important assignment of your career. Has

some third world dictator come into

possession of nuclear weapons?No. Has

some evil genius planted a plot for world

domination?Uh-uh. Sarah

Palin running for president?Bite your

tongue. No. What we're dealing

with here is counterfeit money.

Counterfeit money. Is that all?Is that

all?

In the last six months,

over $2,000,000 in counterfeit

currency has been discovered being

distributed in the waterfront district.

The quality of the fake money is better

than we've seen in decades. We

believe a foreign government is behind

this. You do understand the implications.

Sure. the US government has done enough

to destabilize its economy without any

outside help. This cannot be allowed to

continue. Not at all. So what's

my assignment?We're going to be sending

you undercover into one of the most

prominent businesses in the area. A lot

of the funny money is passed right

through this storefront. $2,000,000

in six months. That must

be a pretty successful business. Oh, it

is. It's called. Ye old sex shop.

Ye old sex shop. No toy too big,

no hole too small. I see you're familiar

with them. Just in

passing. Well, we're not

sure if they're a front for the

counterfeiters or just an unfortunate

victim of this evil plot. That is what

you were to find out. Roger that.

Now wiggle your little ass on out of

here. Get down to the lab. Newton has

some equipment for you for this

assignment. Yes, ma'am. Right away.

There ought to be a law.

All right, Newton, what do you got for me

this time?Hi, Agent

Tanya. Pleasure to finally meet

you. You're not Newton. But I am. You're

probably used to my father. I'm I'm

Newton Junior. Everybody just calls me

Junior. HmmWhat happened to your father?

Well, hell started to go about five years

ago, so he finally retired. It was

really about time. Five years ago. Hmm

That's strange. That's about when I met

him. Anyway, what crazy gadgets do you

have for me this time?Oh, well,

despite the quality of the counterfeit

money, it has one flaw. The ink they

used can be detected when wearing

these. Oh.

If the money is counterfeit, it'll glow

red when viewed through those glasses.

I got it. You're also going to want to

plant a hidden camera inside the shop so

that we can observe any activity when

you're not around. I put one

in this.

Whoa! So it would blend in better with

the shop. It's It's right here in the

tip, so you're going to want to face that

in any direction of anything you think we

should observe. Ohh

Isn't this a little big?

I mean, couldn't you have made it just a

little bit more realistic?Well, I wasn't

sure how big those things normally were,

so I just modeled it after myself.

Oh, no.

She's death with a

hobby She's death with a

hobby She's death with

a hobby She's death with

She's like a death cry

Knocking on your door again

She's a vicious waffle Declaring you

to war Her laughter used the curse of

death In the

bedroom the lights go down That is

where she closes in And you take

your last breath She's death

with a heartbeat And when she gets

That is when she cruises

in And you take your last breath

She's death with a heartbeat

When she gets hooked in you

Death with a heartbeat

When she dies of her news

She's death with a

bee. She's death with a

bee.

She's

Agent Tanya Newton.

Aren't you aware that I recently

installed security cameras throughout

headquarters so that I could monitor

everything?If you're going to be putting

out, it needs to be on company time. Now

get going.

Sorry, I have

I'll be right with you. Oh, no worries.

Take your time.

Can I help you?Oh,

are you interested in this item?Uh,

no, sorry.

Can I help you find something?I'm

Daisy May and I'm a reporter for Sex

Today magazine, and I want to do a story

on this store. And you are?My name is

Sandy. I own this place.

I have to tell you, Daisy May, is

it?I keep up with all the trade

publications and I can't seem to recall

yours. Well, we're new,

but very promising. And where

can I find your magazine?Online. Online?

Mm-hmmSo you're a blog?

Yeah. But we get dozens of hits a month,

and it's just a matter of time before we

take off. I see.

Okay, well, what can I do for you, Daisy

Mae?Well,

just a few questions. Go ahead. I

understand that you run quite a lucrative

business here, and in today's economy,

that's quite a feat. We do OK.

But your store is in a disreputable

part of town. I mean, with all the money

that's passing through here, aren't you

afraid of being robbed?Your clientele has

to be a bit on the sketchy side. Well,

actually, I find that consumers of sex

paraphernalia are hardworking, upright,

decent individuals who just happen to

find an occasional use for a ball gag or

butt plugYeah,

I see. But what about

credit card fraud or?counterfeit

money. That can happen anywhere.

What makes you say that?Oh, I hear

things... by talking to people for the

blog. Well, we don't seem to have a

problem with that. Next question. Okay.

So what's it like working in an

environment surrounded by sex all day

long?I mean, don't you get tired of it?

Well, you would think I would, but

no. I'm

actually... very lonely.

But you wouldn't have a problem with

that, being a beautiful woman.

I'm gonna go lock the door now. I think

it's closing time. That's a good idea,

'cause I'm open for business.

ah

ah

Thanks for the interview. Did you get

everything you needed?Ohh I believe I did

and then some.

You know, I should really buy

something before I leave since you've

been so... kind. That's

not really necessary. No, I insist.

Well, we have a large assortment of

leather straps and dog collars for any

occasion.

I think I'll just buy this condom. Okay.

Do you have change though?All I

have is this hundred. Sure, no problem.

There you go. Thanks. You're

welcome. Come again, anytime.

Oh, I already did. Twice.

Hins up, sister.

Is this a sex game?Because honestly, I'm

kind of worn out from earlier. No

tricks, Sandy. Well, in that case...

Well, it looks like we have a Mexican

standoff. Do I look Mexican to you?No.

How clever of you. Now

listen, I'm an agent from Bikini and I'm

placing you under arrest.

I don't think so. Sandy

Bottoms, Secret Service. What?

I've been working this case for months.

Deep undercover on the counterfeit ring.

Oh,

don't any of you guys from Bikini read

your intelligence memos?

Yeah. Thank God no one else is here. You

wouldn't blow my cover. So

what's going on?Who's behind the funny

money?The mob?Well, specifically Big

Balls Parker and his plaything, Knockers

Malone. The waterfront is their

territory. And why are you here?

The Secret Service set me up with a cover

to infiltrate the mob, and then we set

this place up to launder the phony money.

For what purpose?It's not the money.

It's the printing plates that are

important. They're practically flawless.

And if it wasn't for the ink that they

used in the printing process, we would

have never detected it. Well,

why wouldn't they have just used better

ink?We're in a recession.

Ink is not cheap. Right, right, right,

rightSo I've managed to gain the trust of

Parker and his gang, and the word is,

Parker wants to sell the plates to the

highest bidder, and I intend to be there

when he does. So where are the plates now?

Parker owns a nightclub across town

called BB's. We suspect the plates and

the printing press are there, but we

haven't been able to confirm it.

HmmYou know, I gotta find a way to meet

this Mr. Parker. It's not easy.

He is notoriously choosy for who he lets

into his inner circle. Don't

underestimate me, Sandy. If anyone could

suck up to big balls, it's me.

Perfect.

Ah I love the smell of counterfeit money

in the morning. Or in the evening, or

anytime, actually.

Hey, Phoebe, honey, the boys

tell me the press is running again and

there's just oodles and oodles of

money being made. Uh, knockers.

The day I got those plates from that

homeless Hari Krishna on Venice Beach was

the happiest day of my life. All in

exchange for a hot lunch. Oh,

Phoebe, you are so

clever.

Boy, you have to be clever. When you're

the boss of the entire

waterfront territory, as well as a

portion of the north side east of Main

Street. But Phoebe,

I don't understand. Why would

you want to sell the place when they

make us so much money?

Oh my dear, you're such a simple mind.

It's a good thing your chest could be

used as an emergency flotation device.

I'm really not sure what. purpose she was

served. HuhI'll

tell you later.

everything you need

Oh yeah Promise you a lifetime A

lifetime

of

misery

So I was saying before I was so

deliciously interrupted, despite the

quality of those plates, sooner or later

they're going to catch on. And if I can

sell them for a tidy sum, let's say.

$10 million. Oh. Then I can get

exactly what I always wanted. A

big house up on the hill

with a white picket fence and we can

finally be married.

No, of course not. Don't be silly. Oh.

A limo. It's a really big, long

stretch one block, right?With a bar and a

TV. I mean, that's living.

Yay! And then, with that out of the way,

I will take over the entire organized

crime network of this city. Then

eventually the state. And

then the country.

And then the world.

The world!

Enter. Uh,

Agent Tanya. Good. So what did you learn

yesterday at the old sex shop?

Never buy the display model.

Probably very good advice. By the way, we

received an internal intelligence memo

this morning telling us that the Secret

Service is running an undercover

operation out of that shop. Yeah,

I found that out the hard way. Sit.

So. What's the

latest?Well, the Secret Service believes

that the counterfeit money is being

manufactured by the local mob boss, a guy

by the name of Big Balls Parker.

Big Balls, huhYeah, that does

sound familiar to me. He and his floozy

Knockers Malone, they're running this

nightclub called BB's. Now, Agent Sandy

believes that the printing press and the

plates are being kept at that nightclub.

That makes sense. He'd want to keep them

close. And from what I understand, he

rarely leaves that club. Yeah, I got to

find a way to get into that nightclub.

Unfortunately, Bikini Files have next to

nothing on the local mob. Really?

Essentially, up until about 5 minutes

ago, we officially denied the existence

of organized crime. How is that even

possible?It's the J at your Hoover way.

Oh. However, we do have someone on our

payroll who may be able to help. Great.

Who is it?His name is Tony Baritone.

Wait a minute. Isn't he one of

the mob's top enforcers?A hired

killer?Yes, and he plays a mean game of

Canasta as well. But what's important

here is that last year he secretly

turned double agent and now works for the

FBI. He'll know everything there is to

know about big balls and knockers. I can

learn a lot from him. More

importantly, he can train you on

the ways of the mob. They speak their own

language. They have their own customs.

It'll be like being in a foreign country.

It'll be like spending the weekend on the

Jersey Shore. Don't worry, Director. I'll

be sure to bone up. I'm sure you will.

You'll be working with his FBI handler.

I'll make sure that he gets in contact

with you soon. We're going to want this

to go down as soon as possible.

Absolutely. I'm always ready to go

down. Yes.

About that. About what, ma'am?

Agent Tanya, when I first became head of

this organization, all I ever heard about

was the great Tanya X.

Thank you. I've looked through your file.

It's very impressive. You've battled

subversive elements on all four corners

of the globe and always managed to land

with your feet planted firmly straight in

the air. I always try to do my best.

From Cairo to Iceland, Hong Kong to

Kashmir, I read that you once. spent

six weeks in a Turkish prison. How did

you ever manage to survive?Luckily, I

wasn't anyone's type there, if you know

what I mean. From parachuting

into Pakistan to escaping across the

Mongolian border, your exploits are

well known within the halls of Bikini.

I'm not sure that I see the points,

ma'am. It is equally well

known around the office that you often

put out for my predecessors. All in the

line of duty. Agent Tanya,

my question to you is this.

Just because a woman is now head of this

organization, what makes you think

anything has changed?

Yes, Sir.

ah

ah

oh

Excellent work.

You! Hiya, Tanya. How you doing,

baby?Don't baby me, Rex Cooper.

What the hell are you doing here?Director

Martin sent me. I'm the FBI contact for

Tony Baritone. You're babysitting

Baritone?Last I heard, you were on the

fast track to be a special agent in

charge. Yeah, well, things happened

along the way. Mm-hmmThings came with the

wrong head again. How was I supposed to

know it was the Prime Minister's daughter?

Some things never change, Coop, just like

when we were dating.

Mind if I join you?

Okay, but don't you get any ideas. I just

want to get down to business.

So, tell me about this baritone. I hear

that he's a real dangerous guy. Oh,

Tony Baritone, one of the mob's most

deadly assassins. If you wanted a guy

taken out, he was the man to go to. 20

confirmed kills, many probables.

And now he's working for the FBI?Yeah,

about a year ago. Tony had a little

change of heart, secretly

contacted the FBI. He's the

most important mob figure that's ever

turned. So after all those kills, he

just changed his tune. Sounds a bit

suspicious. Yes. Well,

people do change, Tanya.

Kind of like me.

You and I are through. You are not

getting into my pants anytime soon. Oh,

come on, Tanya. One more

time for old time's sake. Old

time's sake. If I remember old

time's sake correctly, I walked in on

you having sex with the entire girls'

lacrosse team of Zurich University. Oh,

please. It was not the entire team.

Gosh. Just the

midfielders. No, I stand corrected.

What about you?What about you and that

that that that chic?Oh, come on.

I was doing my job. Your job?Yes. Your

job was the Sheik, not the entire royal

family. A family that

lays together, stays together.

Oh, that's cute. It doesn't matter what I

have done. At least, I never slept with

my partner. Brenda,

Susie, Maxine. Every partner you

ever had, you had sex with.

You forgot Heather. Heather?You slept

with Heather?Yeah. Is she still your

partner?No. No, she

transferred out after I lost my

promotion. I have a new partner for this

case. Ugly woman. Mm-hmm

Yeah, the kind that, you know, has been

in the department too long, very majorly.

Oh, really?

Really.

Montanya, give me a second

chance.

Well, I guess everyone does deserve a

second chance. But this is it.

One mistake. And you're

going home with your manhood in a purse.

Mmm, I love it when you talk dirty.

There's no one

to let, no one to let you.

Rocking life, death always damns

Drinking booze in one-night stands

And I never remember a thing

People think my life is grand

Playing hard in this handband

Listening to the crazy songs I

sing

Night after night I'm a vicious feeding

in a belly, walking barely,

talking. Six telling everything I'll be

all right even though it ain't

okay to let you down. I

was born to let,

born to let you down.

I was born to let,

born to let you down.

I think that's you. What?The phone.

Oh.

Cooper here. Cooper, it's Sandy. We're

all set to meet with Tony here tonight at

the shop. He'll be here at 7 p.m. sharp.

Okay, great, Sandy. We'll be there. You

got it, partner. Oh, hey,

Tanya. See you tonight.

Old, ugly, matronly.

I don't know what could be keeping them.

They know to be here. Coop's usually

right on time. If I would have told you

the truth, all you would have done is

gotten pissed off at me. Yeah, well, now

that I know, I'm furious. See, I was

right. Everything OK?

Oh, yeah. YeahSomebody's just got

their panties and a wad, is all.

Joke's on you. I'm not wearing any.

Agent Tanya. Sandy.

This is Tony Baritone. He's going to be

prepping you for your undercover

assignment with the mob. Pleasure. Mr.

Baritone. Oh, please. Call me Tony. Of

course. Tony. It's so nice to meet a real

gentleman. Well, thanks. Coops

filled me in on everything you need. I'm

certain I'll be able to help you. Yeah,

I've got to be able to move through this

grimy, sleazy underworld like I was born

there. Believe me, by the time I'm

through with you, you'll be plenty sleazy

and grimy. Well, it looks like you guys

have things well in hand. So, Sandy and I

will just leave you to it. Mm-hmm

Sandy.

Oh, yeah, right.

Hey, try not to bang her on the way

through the parking lot. You know...

Everything okay?Yeah, it's fine. Let's

Let's get started. Okay, the first thing

you have to know about the mob is that

they have their own language. If you

don't know the lingo, they'll spy you as

a phony in a minute. You know what?I

think I got this. I was doing a little

research on my own last night. Okay.

Tell me what you think.

Oh, you dirty rat! You dirty rat! You

killed my brother! Tanya. On top of the

world, Ma. On top of the world.

Tanya. What was that?

I'm afraid you'll need a reference more

recent than an 80 year old movie.

The key thing is to always look like

you're supposed to be there. These wise

guys can smell fear a mile away, and then

they'll instantly know you're a snitch. A

snitch?Yeah, a rat. Stool pigeon.

Come on, Tanya, you've got to know these

terms, OK?If they make you, they'll call

on someone like me to ice you.

Yeah, kill you, you knowWe don't want

that. Right. If we say you're on the

pad, they'll want to grease you. Ew!

Gross! That's

disgusting! No, no, that's a good thing.

On the pad means you're a cop on their

payroll. Greasing means they're going to

give you a payoff. Oh, got it.

Now, what you're going to be attending is

called a meet. As long as you don't come

off as a baboo, you'll be okay.

Go to meet. No baboo. I

think I got this. Hey, I really

appreciate it, Tony. If this thing goes

wrong, we can all be hitting the

mattresses. Oh, is that what the

kids are calling it these days?And

remember, don't be a squealer. And you

know what they say. Loose lips, sink

ships. Luckily, my lips are as tight as a

drum. Oh, I can't wait to find out. No

promises on the squealing, though.

Nobody wants you

Nobody wants you around

You always got nothing to say

But you're talking way too much

Wanna put my fifth in your face Just to

make you shuffle Motherfucker

Why don't you fall back

Well, I've given you about all I have.

I'll say. I'm gonna go meet with Bebe.

Lay all the groundwork for you. But the

rest is up to you. You know, thanks,

Tony. I couldn't have done it withoutyou.

Hey, it's me. Yeah, I just saw her.

It's all in the works. Don't worry.

Everything is going exactly as planned.

Hello. Hello

Anybody here?Right here, Tony. Hey,

kid. How's Trix?

Trix?I don't know anyone

named Trix. Should I?

No, don't worry about it. We're not open

yet, but would you like a drink?Yeah,

sure. That'd be great.

Is Bebe here?He's in the back with

the... You know.

Right. That's what I want to talk to him

about. I think I have another contender

for the big auction. I don't care about

that silly old auction.

There's a lot of money to be had. Yeah,

but Bebe just wants to spend it to...

Take over the world and stuff.

And I just want to get

married. Oh,

Knockers, it's just no pleasing you,

is there?Hey, Tony. Hiya, boss.

Knockers, why don't you go get changed

for tonight?No one's going to pay to see

you shake your tits and ass when you're

dressed like a slob.

She's dancing tonight?

Yeah, she's got to earn her keep somehow.

What can I do for you, Tony?

I think I have a potential buyer for the

plates. Oh, yeah?YeahHer name is

Angie Palazzi. She works down at the sex

shop with Sandy.

Family?Yeah. She came out of Detroit,

working for Marco's Boys. Just moving

into town with some extra cash to spare.

Looking for some action.

Tony, I'm a little reluctant to let

anyone into the auction that I I don't

know. Oh.

Well, why don't you stop by the shop

tonight?She'll be working late. You can

check her out. Make sure she's legit.

Sounds good. I think I'll do that.

Look, I got some things to finish before

I open, so why don't you stay and finish

your drink, and I'll see you later at the

auction. Sounds great.

Hello. Tanya, it's Tony. I just spoke to

Parker. He's coming down to see at the

shop tonight. What?I'm not even

ready. You'll have to be. No, listen,

there's there's another thing. I told him

your name is Angie Palazzi and that you

were with a mob in Detroit. Are you

crazy?Do I look like an

Angie Palazzi from Detroit?You'll do

fine. Listen, I got to go. Good

luck.

Whatever.

Where's Bebe?He had to take off. Oh.

So you dancer tonight?I didn't know that.

Yeah, it was Bebe's idea.

I just wish I could stick around. I'm

sure you're great. Well, why don't I give

you a private show?

Surrounding damages

You'll surely

find Optic

cold waste If it's

planning, planning

Drug against us contaminated

life Keeping me

to mind believe I'm

not afraid

will bar your aim.

I'm not ready to come

from yet

Now that

I'm stepping back

oh

That was great, sweetheart. Bebe's a

lucky guy. Yeah,

lucky.

I'll call you.

Did he enjoy it?Of course he did.

And he still thinks that we believe he's

part of the family. He must be

as dumb as you look.

It won't matter, though. After the

auction tomorrow night, our young

baritone will be

sleeping with the fishes.

So, you and Tanya?

Oh, please. It was so long ago.

Really?'Cause it sure looks to me like

she's still in love with you. Oh, I can't

help that, can I?It's not my fault she

doesn't want to leave my sight. Cooper,

you gotta go now! So I see.

What?Slow down, slow down what?Big balls,

Parker. He's on his way to meet me here.

This is it. Tanya, you're not gonna get a

second chance. You have to make a good

impression. Here's what we'll do. We're

gonna slip into the back. If you get into

any trouble, make an excuse. Come back

and we'll help you. Okay, good. Go, go,

go, go.

You think she's up to it?Oh, yeah. Don't

worry about her. She could charm the

pants off any man. Or a woman.

True. Oh,

hi. Can I help you?

I'm looking for Angie Palazzi. I'm

Angie. You're Angie

Palazzi?Yeah.

Angie Palazzi from Detroit.

yo-yo.

I'm Bebe Parker. I manage Bebe Nightclub

on 3rd St. Yeah, I know who you are,

Mr. Parker. And do you?

Mm-hmmTony, uh,

told me that you have an item for sale.

Tony said that, did he?Yes, he did. Did

Tony also tell you that that item was

very, very expensive?

Oh, Mr. Parker. I'm familiar with

the expensive items, as I'm one myself.

Oh, I see. She seems to

be holding her own. Yeah.

You know, come to think of it, I'm kind

of tired of holding my own. You know what

I mean?I think I

do.

Oh,

All right, Angie, you've convinced me.

I'm having a get-together at my club

tomorrow night. You, with several others,

will be bidding on that item.

And may the best man win.

Or a woman. Oh, don't worry. She will.

So we'll see you tomorrow night then, at

the stroke of midnight. I look forward to

it.

Ohh Tanya. Coop?I should have known.

Nothing ever changes with you. But,

but, but Tanya... You know what?Don't

let me stop you. Let the kids have fun.

She's very understanding, girl. Well, you

heard her. Don't stop.

Oh, God, yeah. Did

we have a good night?Sure did.

I need $500 in tips.

So how did things go with Little Miss

Detroit?Everything

went exactly as I expected.

She fell for it like an egg from a doll

chicken. All the players in

motion. Trap is set

and tomorrow night we spring

it.

Newton. Director

Martin, I I was, I was just testing out

the new camouflage lingerie. Doesn't do

anything weird. Whatever. I took

this home last night and tested it.

Oh, wow. That one I'm really quite proud

of. You know, the watch has a small

needle on the back that painlessly

injects the wearer's system with a serum

that causes overwhelming arousal. I know

what it is. Well, we're we're hoping that

in the field, an agent could use this as

an alternative to torture to get

information. Well, I field tested it for

you last night. Excellent, excellent.

And?And I fell asleep with it

on. This thing

has been pumping your sex drug into me

all night long. Oh,

oh, mine. Do you know

what this has done to me?

Would you like my my best guess, ma'am?

Well, I certainly don't want your worst

guess. Well, your

your libido has been artificially

stimulated well beyond its normal

limits. Well, well beyond its normal

limits. Exactly. Come

on, Junior. Let's get these off you,

OK?Yeah, yeah

coming, mom.

Uh-huh

Yeah, yeah

Yes!

ah

Yeah, yeah

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

oh

I can't do like you mean it. Oh

yes, yes

Give it to me like your daddy did.

Oh, yeah.

Agent Tonya. Director Martin. I was

just debriefing them. Yeah,

I can see that. Thank you, that'll beall.

Good luck tonight. Thank you.

So, Junior, what do you have for me?

What?For tonight, the auction to buy the

counterfeit plates. Come on, Junior, snap

out of it. Right, right, rightOkay,

first, there's

this. It has a tiny

little micro video camera that will

transmit everything that you see at the

auction back to us.

Just make sure that you you point it at

wherever you want to see any of the

action. Yeah, I don't

think that'll be a

problem. And next is an old

favorite. Truth serum.

Pour a little bit of this into their

drink, and within seconds, they'll be

compelled to tell you the truth. It's a

perfect interrogation tool. Yeah, but

what happened to the watch with the sex

stroke that you guys were working on?I

thought that was gonna be our new

interrogation tool. Well,

it was, but it appears as though that has

a few little kinks that need to be worked

out. Oh, I see.

And last, there is

this. Soon to be standard issue to

all field agents. Junior, I already have

a gun. Not like this.

See?Press this little button right

here and...

Whoa! An invisible gun?!

Not only invisible, but completely

undetectable by any metal detectors or

scanners. Awesome.

Good luck to you, Agent Tanya. Thanks,

Junior. I'll need it.

Yes, Newton Jr. here. Memo to all

bikini personnel, libido enhancing

watches to be issued immediately.

Mm-hmm

Thank you. Hello?Is anyone here?

Hi there, you're early. Yeah,

sorry, I'm just really excited. Oh,

I imagine so. So is

anyone else here?Uh, not yet,

but they will be soon.

I'm gonna have to search your purse. Oh,

of course, I understand. Just dump the

contents out on the bar. Okay.

You're there.

You have one of these too. Yeah, you

know, I never leave home without it.

What's this?Oh, that's just a little

pick-me-up. I swiped it from the plane on

the way from Detroit. Mind if I try?

Sure.

You first.

Okay.

Tastes great. Here. Great.

Ladies. Oh, Tony.

You know Angie, right?RightHi, Ang. Yeah,

she made me swallow the truth serum.

Well, I... I've got to go make some

arrangements before BB gets back, so I'll

see you ladies shortly.

Tony.

You know, BB doesn't like it when

I use this. No. No

He thinks if I use it, it means that he's

not man enough for me.

Well, is he?I

prefer the company of ladies

like yourself.

Oh, yeah.

Good evening, Miss Polazzi. I hope Miss

Vallone was keeping you entertained while

you waited. Oh, she has. We just had

sex. Excuse me, Angie.

Shh. It's not her fault if you're not man

enough for her. It's not sure, Bebe.

Yes. Okay, great. Show the

men. This will have to wait.

The other guests for the auction have

arrived.

What?Angie, you already know Sandy

Bottoms. Hi. Hello, Angie.

And this is my other guest, Mr. Peter

Ricklin. Mr. Ricklin used to run guns and

prostitution for Stinky Fell Zone

in Las Vegas. Hmm, duty now.

Everyone, this is Angie Palazzi from

Detroit. No, I'm not.

Oh, shit

I'm Agent Tanya X with Bikini, and you

are all under arrest.

I don't think so.

Really. This is an invisible gun.

Goodbye, Agent Tanya. Enjoy sleeping with

the fishes. Wait a second. I'm

Sandy Bottom, Secret Service. Are you now?

Hands up. I'm Rex

Cooper, FBI.

Okay?Your hand's up too.

Hold it. I'm Tony Baritone,

Interpol. What?That's

right. I was sent deep undercover to

infiltrate the mob. Wait a minute. You're

a mob informant, a double agent.

Like I said, deep, deep,

deep undercover. So you

were a triple agent?Something

like that. But

then... Then what?

Then I met her.

She brought meaning into my life.

So now I'm going to turn my back on my

life as an agent.

Oh, I'm a sucker for a good love story.

Wait a minute. So you're a quadruple

agent. Let me

get this right. So you are on my side?

Yeah, Bebe. That's what it means. Hold

it, hold it, hold it. This isn't how it's

supposed to work out. She's supposed to

fall in love with you and leave her life

a crime, not the other way around. Sorry,

Tanya. I hate cliches.

All right, enough with the yakking. I

always like killing federal agents, and

it looks like tonight I'm going to score

a half track. Not so fast,

Parker. I still have my gun.

Do you really expect me to believe that

you have an invisible gun?

Uh-huh

Ow. All

right, all of you, hands up.

Not you two.

Now to find out what's really going on.

Open your mouth. Parker, open. Get over

to your room. Good morning. Plate your

way.

Oh, it tastes like shitYou could add

flavoring or something. Oh, enough with

the small talk, Parker. Where are the

counterfeit plates?I haven't a clue.

You can't lie. This serum's infallible.

I'm not lying. I don't know what the

plates are. You have to know where the

plates are. You're in charge.

I'm not in charge. Then who is?

She is. That's

the most ridiculous. All right, you

got me. I've been running this

organization for years. Pretending to

be some silly dumb bimbo has

kept me out of the sights of both mob

competition and feds like you.

Except Bozo over here couldn't keep his

mouth shut.

The plates are behind the bar.

Here they are. Well, that looks like a

tick for them. Yep. We confiscated the

plates, captured the bad guys, and we

didn't even break a sweat. I feel like

celebrating. Me too. I feel like having

my way with both of you right here, right

now. Sounds good. Did I really

just say that?Yeah, I think it was the

truth, Sir. Come on, come on

And so all three were taken into custody,

and the plates were safely handed over to

the Treasury Department. Well done, Agent

Tonya. And Agents Sandy and Cooper, where

are they?Oh, they're jetting to the

Caribbean for a much-needed vacay, and I

am about to join them. Not so fast, Agent

Tonya. I have your next assignment right

here. You leave in an hour. No

rest for the wicked, huhAnd they don't

come any more wicked than you.

So where do you have me going this time?

Afghanistan?Caracas?Florida.

Florida?You've got a date with the space

shuttle. There's a problem on the

International Space Station. The kind of

problem?that only you can solve.

Space station, huh

Zero gravity. Sounds like fun.