Original subtitles

We have Jerry Bernstein from the NSA arriving shortly.

-It's great to finally meet you! -What was your name again?

-Joseph Harries! -Right.

John, do you mind me asking? Do you have dwarfism in your family?

Get me a full background check on Jerry Bernstein. I need his file.

Someone is actually trying to access your file right now.

[Chris] Were you disgraced at the NSA

-and forced to come here? -No.

-[polygraph rings] -Motherfu… [shudders]

You have no idea how lucky you are to have me.

This is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I think we can learn a lot from each other. Especially from me.

-Did you vote for Brexit? -I don't know, who is that?

Do you want to explain to everyone how you slept with my wife?

Is that why you think I'm here?

The NSA have called your case back into review.

I'm here to take you home.

What it looks like, is you're staging a wedding

in order to avoid immediate extradition to the United States

where you're highly likely to face charges of treason.

It seems like there are now concerns there may be a mole here at GCHQ.

What the f--

[speaking Russian] Yes. Yes. No one suspects a thing.

[automated voice] System overload. System overload.

-System overload. System overload. -[alarm buzzing]

System overload.

System overload.

-No, no, no, no, no. -System overload.

No. Understood.

You, too.

Fucking hell.

Have Little Mix split up? Mum?

I can't remember the exact numbers, but there must have been

at least 20, maybe 30 in wheelchairs. And over 100 dead.

Is this the massacre in Kuala Lumpur?

No, this was my school reunion.

All of you, boardroom, now.

Plus, you know, the statistics speak for themselves,

-nearly all terrorists reoffend. -Suicide bombers rarely reoffend.

Yeah, but the point is, who here can name me a single white terrorist?

The Unabomber.

Oh, I didn't know he was single.

Yeah, yeah, he's even got his own Netflix show.

Okay. I'll keep things brief and to the point.

As of one minute ago, we have a Code Red situation here at GCHQ.

Oh, no, are the toilets not working again?

A presently unknown terrorist group has harnessed cyberweapon Eternal Blue,

and is using it to bring down Hinkley Point nuclear site.

Oh, shitting tits!

Quite. In half an hour, we could be looking at another Chernobyl.

I just couldn't get through the first series, to be honest.

I wouldn't normally say this out loud, but given the circumstances,

do you mind shutting the fuck up?

Sure.

-What's Eternal Blue? -[Chris] Jerry?

Right. So for those of you who don't know, Eternal Blue is a cyberweapon

designed by the NSA that allows malware to spread quicker.

I headed up the team that developed it.

Of course the NSA still deny the weapon even exists.

-Right. May have developed it, then. -How long do we have?

An irreversible and catastrophic meltdown could begin

-in as little as 28 minutes. -[Joseph] I'm not an expert on this,

and I'm aware that you told me to shut up earlier,

but have they tried switching it off and on again?

-A nuclear reactor? -Yeah.

No. All we can do now is put obstacles in place

to try to slow the system failure.

Hang on, wait a second. Okay, so, during the test phase of Eternal Blue,

we built in a manual override,

a coded way that would allow us to regain full and complete control

should the weapon ever fall into the wrong hands.

How are you only remembering this now?

I don't know, sometimes my brain is extraordinary like that.

-Get to the point. -The point is it's temperamental,

one wrong move, and it can only make things worse.

Can you or can you not override Eternal Blue?

I can, but it's password protected.

-What's the password? -That is a great question.

I think it's something sweet. Like, um, "donut" or "Ding Dong."

-Jesus! -Hey! Give me a break!

It was more than five years ago.

Do you remember everything you were doing in 2016?

Well, if I wasn't here, I was probably campaigning for Brexit.

If you could just give me one hour, I'm sure I'll remember the password.

In one hour, half of the south west of England

will either be on fire or have cancer.

-I had a friend who died like that. -Cheesecake! Rum baba?

No! It is too risky.

The primary objective has to be to slow the system failure

at Hinkley Point. Stick to the protocol.

Yeah, but if I could just remember the password--

And run the risk of destabilizing the four remaining reactors

-when you get it wrong? No, thanks. -Look, Chrissy,

you and I were always going to have a different approach, all right?

-We're like the Williams sisters. -Yes.

Yes, but when the Williams sisters play tennis,

half a million lives aren't at stake.

I don't know. When was the last time you saw them play?

Tuva, you're on rootkit analysis, Mary you're on the ciphertext.

-The rest of you, you know the drill. -Wait, is this a drill?

Don't even start. That's an order. We have 25 minutes.

-Spotted dick? -No, that cleared up.

-[automated voice] System overload. -[alarm blaring]

System overload. System overload.

Did I miss any calls?

Evelyn!

Did I miss any calls?

Uh… yeah, I can't remember her name.

I think she said she was a secretary or something?

The Secretary of State?

That was it. She said we need to prepare two versions

of the press release, just in case.

-Mother of God. -How bad is it?

This could result in the biggest loss of civilian life on UK soil

since World War II.

Maybe we should get takeaway tonight.

Start typing.

"At 10:15 this morning, we intercepted a potential cyber threat

to the digital system in place at Hinkley Point."

No, it's just saying "file not found."

Joseph! Get in here.

-Yeah, two seconds, Jerry. -[Tuva] How are you getting on?

-It's really bad. -Oh, no.

-Phew. Everywhere's booked up. -What do you mean?

I'm trying to get a table for me and my dad at Lumiere's this weekend,

-but there's literally nothing. -Is that all you've done?

Oh, no, I tried Paparrito's, Grill 49, and The Coconut Tree,

but it's the same everywhere.

-Joseph! -Yes, Jerry.

Rootkit analysis on the second core reactor.

Oh, God, it's endless, isn't it?

-Sorry! You all right? -Okay, I need your help here.

-Yeah. -If I were to say 2016 to you,

what is the first thing that comes to mind?

Uh… Alan Rickman's death.

I have no idea who that is.

He was the guy behind the Nakatomi Plaza attack in 1988.

Okay, look, I just need a way of trying to remember

what password I might have chosen back then.

It might sound crazy, but have you tried regressive hypnotherapy?

No, that's too long, it would have been a maximum of ten characters.

Okay, let's just quickly throw some ideas at me, see if it triggers anything.

Um, were there any special occasions that year?

Um, no. Oh, actually, there was my 50th,

-and as a gift, Melissa got botox. -For you?

-No, for her. -Oh, was it nice?

Not really, it was like kissing a hemorrhoid.

[snaps fingers] What about a pet name?

You know what, back then, we actually had several. Um…

-There was Flaps… -Yeah.

-…Mr. Mistoffelees. -Yeah.

-Whiskers. -And these were for pets?

-No, those were for Melissa. -[phone buzzes]

-Two seconds. Hey, Charlotte! -Are you kidding?

How's Bude?

-Yeah? What did you bring in for lunch? -[indistinct conversations]

No, I just got in a couple of Scotch pancakes,

a small carton of orange juice, and some Pom-Bears,

but I'll probably just have them as my snack. Yeah.

Yeah, sorry, let me just go somewhere a tiny bit quieter.

It's so nice to hear from you again.

Very quick question. Obviously, if age wasn't an issue,

have you ever fancied children?

Oh, gosh, no, I don't think that's allowed.

What? Oh, no!

Mary, if I were to say 2016 to you,

what is the first thing that springs to mind?

-Alan Rickman's death? -I gotta Google that guy.

[shouts] 20 minutes!

Where was I?

"…including cardiovascular-related illness and birth defects."

End of press release. Please tell me something positive.

-My tomato plant's doing well. -I meant about the current crisis.

-At least it's Friday. -Jesus. How did we miss this?

The thing is, there are just so many terrorists these days.

I mean, I remember when there were just three!

What's the ciphertext showing?

Sadly, it's looking like

the second core reactor may be compromised, too.

I thought we were meant to be buying ourselves some time.

Who's handling the rootkit analysis?

-Who's handling the-- -I gave it to Joseph.

-Fucking hell, where is he? Jerry! -Is it a drill?

-Shut up. Where's Joseph? -[Jerry] I don't know. He took a call.

-Have you tried the roof? -We're not allowed on the roof.

-I know, but I think he found a hole. -[Chris] Why the hell

-aren't you at your desk? -I'm sorry, I keep getting the runs

-every time I speak-- -Boardroom, now!

-Did you remember the password? -I did actually.

-Oh, good! What is it? -It's G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E.

-Gullible? -Uh-huh.

-[Joseph] Oh, I see what you've done. -Don't bother sitting down.

Mary, tell everyone what you've just told me.

-My tomato plant is doing-- -About the second core reactor.

Gosh, sorry. So, it's looking like the second core will be affected as well.

What? Why wasn't this picked up on the rootkit analysis?

-Joseph? -I know, I agree with Jerry.

-No. Where is it? -Um…

Seriously, Chris, if I were to say 2016, Alan Rickman aside,

-what is the first-- -No.

Jerry's office! I left it in Jerry's office.

Do you want me to go and get it?

No. You've caused enough damage today as it is.

-But I haven't done anything. -Exactly. Too little, too late.

What if we launch our own cyber attack on Hinkley Point?

-What do you mean? -If we can overload their own system,

it might slow everything down, even Eternal Blue.

-Good idea. -[Jerry] Whoa.

You want to launch a second cyber attack on the same nuclear site?

What if you're successful? [imitates explosion]

[imitates sizzling]

Maybe Joseph can give you a hand, that'll help.

-Is that a compliment? -What do you think?

-Nah… -Huh.

You have 15 minutes. Go.

The team at Hinkley Point just called to say that the second blast

might take out GCHQ Bude.

Do you want me to WhatsApp someone?

No, any outside communication at this point

would go against protocol and cause mass panic.

We keep this to ourselves, do you understand? God help us all.

Charlotte.

They might notice something's up in the next 15 minutes anyway.

Mum?

Hey, Charlotte, it's Joseph!

Hey, Charlotte, it's me, really bad news!

-Pick up, pick up, pick up the phone! -[voicemail beeps]

Charlotte, it's Joseph, don't know if you got my previous message,

but, um, you don't fancy just jumping in a car

and travelling, like, 300, 400 miles north east…

-[beeps] -Don't know if you have factor 50 suncream

or, you know, 50 plus… [chuckles]

-[beeps] -If you happen to hear a loud bang…

-[whispers] Joseph! -Yep, yep.

Oh, Jerry.

Oh, you look like shit.

No, I just downed my Pom-Bears too quick, it's fine.

Calm down. I secretly checked out the new blast radius,

and the worst we'll feel is a little warm.

Yeah? And what about the staff at GCHQ Bude?

Between us, how important is the work they do there, really?

It's where Charlotte works.

Right.

-You've never met in person though, right? -So?

So you're not gonna notice if she looks a little different.

-Come on. -Oh, my…

I was doing some research on that whole regressive hypnotherapy thing.

How much do you know about it?

-Only those two words. -Well, I think it could really

-help me remember the password. -Okay.

-Tell me to relax. -Relax.

No, no, you gotta whisper it to me.

[softly] Relax.

Okay, that just sounds like you're about to violate me.

-Yeah. -Okay, um,

pretend it's 2016, take me back.

-You sure this is going to work, Jerry? -Of course not.

-Look, here, here, take my hand. -Yeah.

-Okay. Pretend to be Melissa. -Why?

How good is your American accent?

[in bad American accent] Really not very good, ma'am.

Okay. Let's work on the other senses.

Ask me what I can smell.

-In 2016? -Mm-hm. Oh, onions.

Really?

-I'm at a party. -Right.

Oh, it's hot. My arm hurts.

-Have you been breakdancing again? -No, no, I'm at a grill.

Oh, oh, I'm flipping burgers.

Oh, this is what you used to do for a living?

No, no, it's my backyard.

It's a barbeque!

Okay, so, where's Melissa? What am I doing?

Oh, she's… she's walking towards me. It looks like she's been crying.

-Maybe it's the onions? -What's up, sweetie? What's wrong?

-Is it the botox? What's up, sweetie? -Mm.

-Is it the… -I don't know what to say!

Come on, as Melissa.

[in bad American accent] I don't know what to say.

Yes, you do, sweetie, you can tell me.

I can't think of anything to say.

-Yes, you're a good thinker, Melissa. -I'm not a good thinker, Jerry.

Tell me, yell it at me, you always yell…

Why are you always playing these games, Jerry?

Me? I'm not the one who plays games, Melissa!

I'm here manning the grill, and what are you doing?

Drinking like a fish!

Where's the potato salad anyway, huh? Did you leave it…

Oh, my God! I just remembered!

-You're kidding! What is it? -It's in a notebook

taped to the back of our refrigerator.

Hey…

-So, where's the refrigerator? -It's in the States.

-I don't think we can get there in time. -No, we have to call Melissa.

-What's going on? -[Jerry] Tuva.

I need you to open a backdoor on 192.74.

-Do you have the password? -Almost.

-Close the blinds. The blinds… -Go, go, go, go.

Don't want Chris to see!

-What if you were to just guess it? -No, no, Eternal Blue is rigged.

If we don't get it right the first time, we're screwed.

It's like a nose job. From… from what I hear.

Okay, I've opened the backdoor to Eternal Blue.

First you need to input

-an authorization key. -Okay.

Don't look.

Oh, nice to see you again, you little piece of shit.

-Are you talking to me? -[Jerry] Joseph, go and call Melissa.

I'm blocking the caller ID, so all you need to do is hit dial.

-What time is it over there? -I have no idea, it keeps changing.

-Do you want me to do the accent again? -Absolutely not.

-Who is this? -Shit!

Is that Melissa?

No, it's fucking Clint. Why did you put it on video?

-I think I'm having one of those days. -Hello?

-Tell him to put Melissa on. -Oh, hi, Clint.

-No, don't say his name! -Sorry, that was a guess.

Could you put Melissa on, please?

She's just in the bathroom. Can she call you back? Who is this?

-No, tell him it's urgent. -There's something wrong with your video.

-How long does she usually take, Clint? -Normally, she's super-fast.

-Hang on, I think she just got out. -See.

Is there a disguise I could wear, just to cover me up or something?

-Mary, give him your wig. -It's not a wig.

[Clint] Honey, some British guy is calling you.

-[Melissa] I just need another minute. -Sorry, can we just do this

-another time? -Clint.

-Jerry! -Clint.

-Jerry. -Clint.

-Jerry. -Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint,

-Clint, Clint, bathrobe Clint! -What the fuck do you want?

-Melissa. -Yeah, well, too bad, she chose me.

Just put her on the phone, it's a national emergency.

-[Melissa] Oh, my God! -See? Melissa? Melissa,

I need you to do something for me.

-[Clint] Jesus, are you kidding me? -Yeah, well, sorry, buddy,

someone's gotta be the hero.

-[Clint] Let me see it again. -See…

[Clint] Is there definitely a line?

[Melissa] Look, right there! It's a blue line!

[Clint] Oh, I love you so much!

[Melissa] I love you, too! Oh, my God, we're gonna have a baby!

-What the fuck's going on? -No, no, no!

-We're out of time. -Shut it down.

-No, Jerry, the password! -Shut it down!

[Melissa] Jerry? Is… is that you?

Yeah.

Congratulations.

-No, Jer… -It's "Clementine."

The password is "Clementine." All caps.

-Are you sure? -100%.

Go!

It was what we were going to call our daughter,

but we miscarried, so.

Oh.

Or I miscarried,

I think, is technically, what you're meant to say nowadays. I…

I… I didn't know that about you, I'm… I'm…

Oh, it's fine, it's fine.

You know. Happens all the time.

I mean, in general, not just to me.

You know? I'm not running around town, doling out miscarriages!

[chuckling softly]

It's too bad. I was really looking forward to being a dad…

even though it was a girl.

-[computer beeps] -[gasps]

[all cheer]

[automated voice] System normalized. System normalized.

Well, if it's any consolation, she does make a lovely password.

Thanks, buddy.

I do believe congratulations are in order. Thanks, even.

You're welcome.

Call Hinkley Point with the good news.

-And destroy the other press release. -Sure.

Which one was that again?

Fine.

Any idea how a weapon designed by the NSA,

capable of causing such destruction on British soil

-could fall into the wrong hands? -Floppy disk?

All I'm saying is, it sounds as though there might be a leak

that needs plugging on both sides of the Atlantic.

What?

You still think there might be a mole working here?

The thing about moles is you have to check them regularly

in case they change shape. But if they're hairy,

that's actually a good sign.

Sorry, I zoned out for a second. What were you just saying?

So, where are we going? We gotta do something to celebrate.

-Shall we hit a nightclub? -For lunch?

What about MooMoos?

-Ooh, what about Hooters? -Yeah.

-I love their wings! -Well, either way,

someone is going to have to carry me home tonight. [chuckles]

[buzzes]

Just a minute.

-[buzzes] -Sorry.

-Here. Mine usually works. -[buzzes]

[buzzing]

Right, let me.

-[beeps] -[door hisses]

-There you go. -[all chuckle]

-[buzzes] -Motherf…

No! No! No, no no!

Goddammit! Ah, man!

No! No! No, no!

This is bullshit!

♪ Hurray, hurray, hurray Misery's on the way ♪

♪ There are bad times Just around the corner ♪

♪ There are dark clouds Hurtling through the sky ♪

♪ It's as clear as crystal From Bridlington to Bristol ♪

♪ That we can't save democracy And we don't much care ♪

♪ We'd better all learn the lyrics Of the old "Red Flag" ♪

♪ And wait until we drop down dead ♪