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1
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,920
Oh, hi! Sally?
2
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,239
It's Mary.
3
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,560
Oh, well, actually,
4
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,840
I was wondering whether we should take
the Brownies somewhere else this weekend.
5
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,720
Oh, no reason.
6
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,400
No! Nothing to do with work.
7
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,960
-[alarm sounding distantly]
-Oh, gosh, um,
8
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,560
well, anywhere really.
9
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,480
[alarms pinging]
10
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:41,560
Shetland?
11
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:50,920
[Jerry speaks authoritatively]
12
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:57,440
…and, in short, that's why
I have to sleep completely naked.
13
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,040
Well, that's good to know.
Okay, so just to remind everyone,
14
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,560
we're still on Amber Alert
15
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,960
following the poisoned water attacks
that took place in Paris over the weekend.
16
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,000
-How far is Paris?
-Aside from Paris, what else is going on?
17
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:13,760
-Joseph, do we have a systems update?
-Yes. Not great, I'm afraid.
18
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,240
Tuva's looking into it,
19
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:17,520
but we had an attack
on one of our servers last night.
20
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:19,240
-Oh, fucking tits!
-I know.
21
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,080
-When did it happen?
-There you go.
22
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,160
-[alarm wails]
-No!
23
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,720
[automated voice] Attention, please.
This is a test. Please take no action.
24
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,800
What on earth are you doing?
25
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,480
Sorry. I still get PTSD
from my time in Afghanistan.
26
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,000
You never served in Afghanistan.
27
00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,960
I know, but the drone footage I saw
was very realistic.
28
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:42,680
-How much data was compromised?
-Uh, mostly odds and sods, really.
29
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,080
Uh, metadata from the mirror server,
30
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,400
but they managed to capture
a bit of Mary's browsing history, sadly.
31
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:49,320
Oh, no!
32
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,480
Please tell me none of that was sensitive.
33
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,800
No. Apart from…
34
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,720
I have been looking online
for a new bra.
35
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,160
Really? What type?
36
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,680
-Well, just a brown one.
-Yeah, baby!
37
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,880
Found him. This is our hacker.
38
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:10,759
-Fuck me!
-Oh, my God!
39
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:11,880
Gosh, what a dish!
40
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,080
Sorry. Jerry, do you mind
using less bad language?
41
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,720
Seriously?
42
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,520
"Shit" is fine, though, isn't it?
I say shit all the time.
43
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,240
No, you just talk shit!
There's a difference. [laughs]
44
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,880
-Oh, yeah!
-[both laugh]
45
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,600
-No, you have to let go.
-Sorry.
46
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,720
This guy's good.
He once hacked the NSA database.
47
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,720
The NSA database? Really?
48
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:34,840
You know, maybe, uh,
maybe we should bring this guy in.
49
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,000
Make him part of the team.
50
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,720
-Absolutely not.
-I'm serious.
51
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,360
I mean, Tuva used to be a hacker, right?
52
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,920
I don't know if I appreciate the term
"hacker", because I'm also a singer.
53
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,360
The only reason Tuva is here
54
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,800
is because she made a bargaining plea
with the government
55
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:52,680
in exchange for some
highly sensitive intel.
56
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,200
-Please don't say--
-It was about the Brexit campaign.
57
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,040
…what that was about.
58
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,960
My point is,
we should keep our enemies close.
59
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,320
Surely we can agree on that.
60
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,720
Look, give me 48 hours with him.
If it doesn't work out,
61
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,000
I'm willing to take the hit on this.
62
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,400
Fine.
63
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,480
-Really?
-[Chris] Why not?
64
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,240
I have complete faith in you.
65
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:14,880
[Jerry] Wow!
66
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,720
Looks like I'm finally rubbing you off.
67
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:18,840
On me…
68
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,880
-Finally…
-Rubbing off on you.
69
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,800
-Rubbing…
-Rubbing off on you.
70
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,480
-I'm finally…
-Yes.
71
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,960
-Rubbing off on you.
-Rubbing…
72
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,200
You're rubbing off on me.
73
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,600
You wish!
74
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,400
Oh, one final thing.
75
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,560
Barnaby Bailer
will be delivering his seminar
76
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,720
on the politics
of cybersecurity this week,
77
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,200
to which you're all invited.
78
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,360
Bailer? The Middle East attaché?
I love that guy!
79
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,800
He and I used to make these, um,
80
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,640
these cupcakes together
when he was over for 9/11.
81
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:50,480
Who's running his protection detail?
Because last time got pretty rowdy!
82
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,760
I'm sure his people are on it,
given his somewhat contentious legacy.
83
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,440
Well, I'll pop down there,
just to be sure.
84
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,360
-Know what I'm saying?
-I can't hear you.
85
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,440
Um, just in case it should come up,
86
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,480
I actually used to date Barnaby Bailer.
87
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,400
-What the fuck?
-Jerry, please!
88
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,600
When we were in university together.
89
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,080
I don't suspect he'll remember me, though.
90
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,360
It was all, you know, very brief.
91
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,440
What, like,
in a premature ejaculation kinda way?
92
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:18,880
Sorry, I really don't know what that is.
93
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,600
-Well, I'm sure Joseph can show you. Ohh!
-[both laugh]
94
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,720
Yeah!
95
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:26,320
Why, what is it?
96
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,080
-Jerry? What is it?
-I don't know. Shall we look it up?
97
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,840
-Thank you very much.
-Thank you.
98
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,360
Can I have a 99?
99
00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,800
My contact at the NSA has agreed
to let me view Jerry's internal file.
100
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,920
Can you save it onto the private server?
It's important.
101
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,040
Sure. Do you want an ice cream?
102
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:54,520
Did you hear anything I just said?
103
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:56,640
No.
104
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,840
[Tuva speaking indistinctly]
105
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,160
Missing content.
106
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,200
-Mm-hmm.
-Is everything okay?
107
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:10,120
Yeah. I just don't know
where Jerry got to, that's all.
108
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,120
Oh, he and I usually have a coffee
around this time.
109
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,840
Well, I bring him a coffee
and just watch him drink it.
110
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,280
Thanks, Mary.
111
00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:22,520
Oh! Quentin!
112
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,640
Hello!
113
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:28,200
Oh, sorry, I picked up Mum's glasses
by accident this morning.
114
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:33,000
-I thought you said she couldn't see.
-Oh, well, she can't at the moment.
115
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,360
What are you up to this evening?
116
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,720
Um, well,
117
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:42,040
I usually help Mum with her bath
on Wednesdays, so…
118
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,200
Let me know
if I can ever be of service.
119
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,720
Oh, I don't think Mum would like that.
120
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,320
She wouldn't know if she can't see.
121
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:55,120
She would know if there were
four hands in the bath.
122
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,120
Yes… [inhales deeply]
123
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,080
Half an octopus.
124
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,440
Yes!
125
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,000
[laughs]
126
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,960
-See you later.
-Okay!
127
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,880
[exclaims softly]
128
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,200
So, I thought I'd start out
by giving you a quick tour, and then,
129
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:17,280
I thought we'd just hang out,
grab a drink, maybe some tail.
130
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:21,960
Guys, this is Tom. He's the one
that hacked our server the other night.
131
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:23,360
-[Tuva and Joseph] Hey, Tom.
-Hi!
132
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:27,240
This is Mary. Mary's been with GCHQ
from the beginning.
133
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,360
-When was it founded, Mary?
-Um, 1919.
134
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,480
Right, so then.
135
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,360
Oh, well, not quite! I'm actually
a lot younger than I look.
136
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,160
Really? By how much?
137
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,560
Oh, gosh! No one's ever
asked me that before!
138
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,120
Plus, she's absolutely filthy, you know
what I mean? The mouth on her!
139
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,240
This is Tuva.
What did you get up to this weekend?
140
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,160
Not much. I just went to a club,
got with a couple of soldiers.
141
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,640
[Tom] Your accent's really fresh.
142
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,880
-What exactly is it?
-It's a mix.
143
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,840
So, you hacked the GCHQ server?
144
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,720
-Yep.
-I don't know whether to be impressed,
145
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,720
annoyed, or aroused.
146
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:03,920
Probably annoyed.
147
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,920
-Annoyed.
-Aroused.
148
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,960
I could set the sprinklers off,
if you like.
149
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,760
Hey, Tom, this is Joseph.
150
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,640
Yes, I'm Joseph Harries.
151
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,600
-I'm actually Jerry's best friend.
-PA.
152
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,560
-Sorry, no, you go.
-Colleague.
153
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,440
Do you always dress like that?
154
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,360
-Mm, yes. Uh, why?
-[Tom] No, it's cool.
155
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,560
I was just wondering
if it was for a bet or something.
156
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,480
[exclaims]
I can't even tell if he's joking!
157
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,240
No! Are you joking?
158
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,440
Do you work out?
159
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,080
'Cause, your, uh…
I mean, your traps are amazing.
160
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,160
No. Just came out like this.
161
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,640
Let me introduce you to Christine.
162
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,240
She's like the, um,
scary Mary Poppins of the team.
163
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,000
[Mary] He seems nice!
164
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:52,000
I just think he finds me
a little bit intimidating,
165
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,160
which is a shame, really.
166
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,280
I know he's hiding something.
I'm sure of it.
167
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,720
[Rupert over video call]
Our hands are tied, Chris, sorry.
168
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,520
Whitehall don't want us
digging around about Jerry.
169
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,800
-[music plays over video]
-What's that noise?
170
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,440
Are you still on the anthrax case?
171
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,920
Sort of. Phantom of the Opera. Damascus.
172
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,320
-Oh, it's just starting!
-[line disconnects]
173
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,240
[message alert]
174
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:22,880
[whirring]
175
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,760
Oh, hey. Just out of interest,
176
00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:29,480
is it possible for someone like you
to hack into, say, I don't know,
177
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,640
the, uh, the NSA database,
178
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,559
have a look around,
uh, delete the odd file?
179
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:38,159
You know, someone's actually trying
to access your file right now.
180
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:39,320
What?
181
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,400
Oh, that's, uh…
182
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,039
Yeah. Can you abort that transfer?
183
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:45,360
Just for fun?
184
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:50,120
Yeah, I can just… abort it.
185
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,520
[beeping]
186
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,800
-Uh…
-What… what's happening?
187
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,840
-It's uploading again.
-What the…
188
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,800
I could just permanently delete the file.
189
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:06,640
I would love to see
what that looks like!
190
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,680
[sniffs]
191
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,480
I love your cologne, by the way.
192
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,600
I'm not wearing any.
193
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:16,640
Still…
194
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:17,600
[Tom] Done.
195
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:31,320
[both mouthing]
196
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,560
-[Tom] Jerry?
-[Jerry] Yeah.
197
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,240
Should I clean up
your browsing history?
198
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,800
Uh, yeah, please.
That would be great.
199
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:47,000
[knock at door]
200
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:48,640
I'll be back.
201
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:50,720
-Hey!
-Hey, man.
202
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,000
Just wondered if you fancied
going to the canteen.
203
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,120
They're doing that curly sausage you like.
204
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,280
Oh, man, I'd love to,
205
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,320
but, actually, Tom and I
are going out for T-bones later.
206
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,080
Tonight? Oh, 'cause
I'm not doing anything.
207
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,840
You know, I look at this guy,
208
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,560
and I can't help but think
about that saying,
209
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,560
"You hang around with chickens,
ya cluck,
210
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,800
you hang around with eagles, ya fly!"
211
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,760
Yeah, but the thing with eagles is that
they all have mental health problems.
212
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,640
[Tom] All done!
213
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:20,400
-So, when is actually--
-Excuse me.
214
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,760
[Jerry] Yeah!
215
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,400
Thank you! Whoo-hoo!
216
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,640
Dude, seriously,
how do you stay in shape?
217
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:34,080
Well, I used to be a gymnast,
but I just got too big.
218
00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,880
Oh, yeah, no, me, too.
219
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,000
So, what kind of stuff?
I mean, can you show me something?
220
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,720
-It's been a while.
-Come on, man!
221
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,520
-I'm out of practice.
-Come on!
222
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,320
-[Joseph] Oh, hey, guys!
-[Tom] Ah.
223
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,760
-[Jerry] Come on!
-[Tom] Okay, watch this.
224
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,680
[gasps] Oh, whoa!
225
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,880
What the… fuck!
226
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,760
-That was great.
-[Jerry] Did you see that?
227
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,240
I used to do a lot of that
when I was at gym club.
228
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,600
What, you were a gymnast?
229
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:03,200
Oh, it was mostly combat rolls.
230
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,240
-What's a combat roll?
-[Jerry] Yeah.
231
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:09,560
Oh, well, hang on, let me just…
I just need a bit of space. Thank you.
232
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:13,320
So, it's, uh, kind of, uh,
sort of like, uh… [grunts]
233
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,320
Get your… just get your leg over, and…
234
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,160
[grunts] Sort of like this.
235
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,120
You paid someone to teach you that?
236
00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,680
Yeah.
237
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,120
-Isn't that just a teddy bear roll?
-Yeah. A combat roll.
238
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,880
I used to do a lot more
complicated stuff in my bedroom.
239
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:31,880
[both] Like what?
240
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,520
Oh, I can't really demonstrate here
because of the height.
241
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,560
For you?
242
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,520
-Come on!
-I can't, I'm not warmed up.
243
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,600
-[both chant] Joseph! Joseph!
-No!
244
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,520
Joseph! Joseph!
245
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,320
-Joseph! Joseph!
-Okay, okay.
246
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,200
Joseph! Joseph!
247
00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:50,080
[Chris] …the original Enigma machine.
248
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,120
[man speaks foreign language]
249
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,600
-No, no, no! [screams]
-[taser buzzes]
250
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:55,560
[Chris] Joseph?
251
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,760
[Joseph grunting]
252
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,640
-Are you hungry?
-I could eat.
253
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,720
[Joseph continues screaming]
254
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,120
Mm! [laughs]
255
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,960
-Oh, man!
-[knock at door]
256
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,520
-Yeah?
-[door opens]
257
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,320
[chuckles]
258
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,040
-[Joseph] Hey.
-Hey. What the fuck?
259
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,120
Is everything okay?
260
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,880
Yeah. Why? You know I got tased, right?
261
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,120
No, I know that,
but what are you… What happened?
262
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,640
-Just fancied a change.
-What, from man to woman?
263
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,720
-What did you do to your hair?
-It's meant to go blond.
264
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,400
-No!
-No?
265
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,200
No, that would never work
with someone of your coloring.
266
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,600
I mean, you end up looking like a bee.
267
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:49,760
Buddy…
268
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:54,320
[sighs] So, are you all finished
with Tom now?
269
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,280
Has he gone back… Where is he?
270
00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:01,000
Oh, he'll be in later this afternoon.
We got totally shitfaced last night!
271
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,640
[laughs]
272
00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,720
-What's up?
-Oh, nothing.
273
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,640
Hey. Whoa! Wait a minute.
274
00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,880
Dude, is this because of Tom?
275
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,560
[laughs incredulously] No!
276
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:19,720
Listen, you need to relax
and just be your own man.
277
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,560
Okay? You do you.
278
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:23,880
-That's the coolest thing you can do.
-Yeah.
279
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,280
-Okay?
-Yeah.
280
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,680
Well, you know, just as long as,
you know, I get to…
281
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,480
-What?
-Well, you know, remain…
282
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,080
Oh.
283
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,520
-What, like this?
-Yeah.
284
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,400
Yeah, no, this will never change.
285
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,320
Oh, right! Thank you. Good! [laughs]
286
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:46,840
What are you doing tonight?
287
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:50,160
-Do you want to go to the cinema?
-No, I'm out tonight with Tom.
288
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,800
So, when was the last time
you saw Barnaby?
289
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:56,960
Oh, gosh!
290
00:13:57,040 --> 00:13:59,720
Nearly 40 years ago now.
291
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,640
I still think about him every day, though.
292
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,960
Can I ask, are you still a virgin?
293
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,000
Oh! Um, yes.
294
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:12,120
Um, but only fairly recently.
295
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,440
And when was the last time
you washed your wig?
296
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:17,640
Uh…
297
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,160
it's not a wig.
298
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,560
Tommy!
299
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:23,800
Hey!
300
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,400
So, listen, I was thinking of having
some birthday drinks.
301
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:31,880
I can't, I'm sorry.
302
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,680
No, not tonight.
Sorry, I should've been clearer.
303
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,920
I know you and Jerry
have got a thing. Which is fine.
304
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,720
No, I just mean in general,
I probably can't make it.
305
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,200
That's cool. That's cool.
306
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,200
I can be really flexible, anyway.
307
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:46,080
I haven't booked anywhere
because… meh! [laughs]
308
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,440
-Just let me know.
-I am letting you know.
309
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,880
I can't make it.
310
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:54,240
Well, let's not rule anything out.
I mean, it's not for eight months, Tom.
311
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:56,600
Okay, I want you guys here, here,
312
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,600
here, here, and here throughout!
313
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,200
Got it? Also, I'm going to need you
to clear a little more space over here,
314
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,800
just in case I need to do karate.
315
00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,880
I had a bodyguard buddy
who lost his job
316
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:12,640
because there wasn't enough space
for him to do karate at a key moment!
317
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,040
Right, back up a bit.
Little more. Little more!
318
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:17,080
[grunts]
319
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,600
Yeah, another two or three feet.
320
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,040
So, are there any areas
you'd like me to accentuate?
321
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,320
Oh, well,
322
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:29,200
the vicar at church, he always says
I have lovely cheekbones.
323
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,760
My only worry is that
if I bring those out any more,
324
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,800
you're going to look like
a skull on a broomstick.
325
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,240
Right.
326
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,120
Cigarette?
327
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:39,800
Yeah. All right.
328
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:53,840
Ah!
329
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,240
That one all right?
330
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,320
I'll have…
331
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,480
this one.
332
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:04,520
Have you got a light?
333
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,720
Are you still lighting your cigarettes?
334
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:10,880
I just chew mine.
335
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,520
[spits]
336
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,920
-[lighter clicks]
-[gags softly]
337
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,440
[gags]
338
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:40,480
[coughs]
339
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,960
-Lips?
-Oh, yes, please!
340
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,600
I'd really like him to tell I've got lips.
341
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,720
I'd go for bright pink.
342
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,440
If it's the first time
you've seen each other in a while,
343
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:54,720
then you want your lips
to look like, um, cat's butthole.
344
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,120
Oh.
345
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:01,080
Ooh! And do lots of men
find that attractive?
346
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,160
No!
347
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,720
-But Barnaby will. Let's start.
-Okay.
348
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,480
Guest list.
349
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,920
No. That whole thing needs to be redone.
350
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,440
If I can't pronounce a last name,
I want them off the list.
351
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,880
[grunts]
352
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,800
Good. Good!
353
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,640
Oh, wow.
354
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:29,240
-Ow!
-Did you do that piercing yourself?
355
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,440
No! [chuckles]
356
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,120
-I just slept awkwardly.
-I still see a bit of blood there.
357
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,400
-Are you coming?
-No. I think me and Tom are gonna hang.
358
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,240
-[Tuva] Cool.
-No!
359
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,520
-Where are you going?
-To the Barnaby Bailer thing.
360
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,440
Barnaby Bailer's here? The politician?
361
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,160
Yeah, I know. What a fucking dickhead!
362
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,840
-No. We should go. It'll be fun.
-No, that's what I meant.
363
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,200
It'll be fun. We should go.
364
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,440
I need you in that corner.
365
00:17:58,840 --> 00:17:59,680
Bailer.
366
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,040
-Hi.
-Jerry Bernstein, NSA.
367
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,800
We did 9/11 together.
368
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,120
Can I get you a little cupcake,
you fucking maniac?
369
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,800
-Um, I'd love a glass of milk, please.
-Right.
370
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,200
Can someone get Barnaby
a glass of milk?
371
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,120
Hi, Barnaby. Would you mind taking
372
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,440
-a quick pic for social media?
-Of course not.
373
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,720
-Would you like me in it?
-No, of course not.
374
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,120
Let me do this. I'm really good
at wildlife photography.
375
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,680
Uh, how do you… Right, okay.
376
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,440
One, two…
377
00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,560
Chris, you may want to try to smile.
378
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,880
Just imagine there's been an attack
on U.S. soil! [laughs]
379
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,440
Still no good.
Why don't we sex this up a little?
380
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,880
Tom! Leave that! Come here!
Throw your arm around Bailer.
381
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,040
-Yeah.
-Barney!
382
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,800
This is better right away. Here we go.
383
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,120
Sorry, Jerry. Hi.
384
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,200
-Joseph Harries.
-Hi.
385
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,960
I don't know if you're concerned
about having a natural mouth shape,
386
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,640
but if you say "Wagamama,"
it gives you an honest look.
387
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,000
[Jerry] All right, shall we try that?
One, two, three.
388
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,400
-[all] Wagamama.
-[camera clicks]
389
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,160
-I've never been to one.
-[Joesph] Oh, it's really great.
390
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,080
Thing is, the food arrives
at different times.
391
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,880
-Why?
-No one knows.
392
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,480
Chris, take a look at this.
I think it's terrific.
393
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,280
Evelyn looks great.
394
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,280
Oh, hi, Barnaby!
395
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,040
-How are you?
-Hi. I'm good, thanks.
396
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:14,600
Mary Needham.
We were at Oxford together.
397
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,080
St. John's. Right.
398
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,400
-Are you the one who had a stroke?
-Oh, gosh, no!
399
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,720
It's just makeup.
400
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,560
Right. Lovely to see you again.
401
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:27,160
-I'm surprised you even remember me.
-I don't remember you.
402
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,480
[Jerry] Okay, shall we start?
403
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,760
-[Barnaby] Yes.
-Great. Everyone, we're going to start.
404
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:35,160
Uh, just so you know, I'm going to be
up top in case anyone tries to…
405
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,240
[imitates gunshot, head exploding]
406
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,720
-Did you see where Tom went?
-[shushes]
407
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:53,280
Right, well, hello, everyone,
and thanks so much for having me.
408
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,560
In an increasingly digital world,
409
00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,240
cooperation between
intelligence agencies has become vital,
410
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,920
and never has politics
411
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,720
played such an important role
in how we view cybersecurity
412
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:08,600
as a society.
413
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,360
[clicks button]
414
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,080
In 1997,
415
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:17,840
I started a very long journey,
together with my wife, Samantha.
416
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,280
We moved into Downing Street
417
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:23,120
with a promise to the people of Britain.
418
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,360
-[alarm wails]
-No! Wait! What? What? What?
419
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,440
No! No!
420
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,880
-Okay.
-[alarm ceases]
421
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,320
Okay, so, are our friends
from Greenpeace in?
422
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,800
[laughter]
423
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,920
[Barnaby] Or something…
Anyway, onwards and upwards.
424
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,560
Good. Uh…
425
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,480
Either we treat hacking offences as
[distorted] serious crimes,
426
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,760
-[electrical interference]
-…or…
427
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:51,280
-[taps mic]
-…or face the consequences of…
428
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,640
Has someone hacked the system?
I expected better than this, to be honest.
429
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:59,640
♪ Ground control to Major Tom… ♪
430
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,720
Excellent. Now it's all over Twitter.
Anyone know who's responsible?
431
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,520
I must say, I'm looking forward
to explaining to Rupert
432
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:10,240
which one of us decided to invite
a random hacker into the building.
433
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:15,200
Go ahead. There's nothing here
that says this was the work of Tom.
434
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:16,560
Let's get this sorted.
435
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,560
[dramatic music playing]
436
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,440
Could be a different Tom.
437
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,920
Guys, I don't have to tell you…
Oh, my God!
438
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,160
♪ This is Ground Control to Major Tom ♪
439
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,640
♪ You've really made the grade ♪
440
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,000
[clamoring]
441
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:41,160
♪ And the papers want to know
Whose shirts you wear ♪
442
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,920
-Wanna go get some T-bones?
-Yeah.
443
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,440
♪ Now it's time to leave the capsule ♪
444
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,280
♪ If you dare ♪
445
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,480
[plays gentle melody]
446
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,400
[sings in native language]
447
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:01,200
Very nice.
448
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,880
-Cat bum.
-[Mary] Oh!
449
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,320
Thank you!
450
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,040
[continues singing]
451
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,640
♪ Hurray, hurray, hurray
Misery's on the way ♪
452
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:20,600
♪ There are bad times
Just around the corner ♪
453
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,160
♪ There are dark clouds
Hurtling through the sky ♪
454
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:28,480
♪ It's as clear as crystal
From Bridlington to Bristol ♪
455
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:32,080
♪ That we can't save democracy
And we don't much care ♪
456
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,480
♪ We'd better all learn the lyrics
Of the old "Red Flag" ♪
457
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:40,200
♪ And wait until we drop down dead ♪
34334
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