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I don't know. This isn't such a good idea, guys.

Oh, come on. Don't be such a baby, Tila.

What, are you afraid of the big, bad Graveyard Shark?

- You're such an ass, Brad. - Yeah, but you love it, Beth.

Don't worry, baby.

I'll keep you safe from the big, bad Graveyard Shark.

Besides, it's just a story they tell kids

to keep 'em from fucking around

and drinking in this old ass graveyard.

You sure? - Would I lie to you?

- Yo. You coming, Chad? - I will be in a minute.

Come on, baby. Live a little.

So what exactly is a Graveyard Shark?

You don't know about the Graveyard Shark?

No, not really.

I mean, I'm kind of a new kid to the area, remember?

I only moved here a few months ago.

Oh, shit, you're right. Baby, you're in for a treat.

Chad, you gotta tell her the story.

Gotta tell the story.

She doesn't wanna hear the story.

Just thinking about it freaks me out.

I don't know. I kind of wanna know.

I'm into that freaky, weird shit.

I don't know, babe.

It sounds like she wants to hear the story.

Let me tell you.

It was, it was a dark and stormy night

when a fisherman caught something in his net.

It wasn't just a creature

but a grotesque abomination covered in scales,

eyes black as pitch, a gaping maw used to tear asunder.

The fisherman, fearing what it was that he caught,

buried the creature here in this graveyard,

hoping that the sacred grounds would purify its soul.

Hate this story. - So that's it?

I don't know what there is to be scared of.

Oh, no, no. I wish that was it.

They say that sometimes you can still see a fin bobbing

in between the graves.

There was a family had a picnic right here,

and they were found dead, torn apart, ripped limb from limb.

So the town went into a panic.

They locked up the graveyard

to keep whatever was in from getting out,

and the Graveyard Shark waits, lurking,

hoping someone foolish will enter his domain.

- Nice one, Brad. - You're such a fucking dick.

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

All right.

I think it's enough of all that spooky talk for now.

Yes, right. That's good.

It's time to get freaky deaky!

Have I mentioned how I fucking love this girl?

- To be young and carefree. - Oh, no.

You have another thing coming

if you think we're getting all freaky deaky

in this graveyard.

Are you sure there's nothing I can do

to make you change your mind? - No.

Are you ready, baby?

For me to bring that thunder down under?

Just shut up and give it to me already.

Brad?

Brad! I told you spooky time is over with, Brad!

Can you just come on and fuck me already?

Did you hear that? That sounds like Beth.

It's just Brad and Beth. They're fucking around.

No, it doesn't sound like fucking around.

What if their hurt? They could be hurt for-

They're fine, baby. Come here.

Seriously, okay?

All right, I'll go, but when I get back,

this is going in that oh so sweet mouth hole of yours.

Okay, we'll see. - Fucking cock block.

Did you hear that? - What?

Hello? Hello?

Oh, what the fuck? Oh, fuck, Beth.

Oh, fuck!

Tila, run!

No!

Have you spotted a big hairy creature lurking

in the woods?

Or maybe your b-beach getaway is being interrupted

by unknown sea creatures,

or maybe your livestock's brains

are being sucked out by Chupacabra.

You can give us a call for that, too.

Go on, I can't hear you! - My God!

Don't take off the mask! You're Bigfoot!

Because we investigate everything strange

and bizarre from unknown creatures

to spooky paranormal activity.

What about aliens, man?

What are you gonna do about the existence of UFOs?

Don't be weird, buster. Aliens aren't real.

We're here to solve the real mysteries of the world.

I, I don't understand. It doesn't even make narrative sense

for you to be that close.

If you've got monster problems,

give us a call, and we'll kick 'em in the balls.

Well, what do you think?

I, it's got a few kinks,

but I think it's got some charm to it.

Pretty cool. - Okay, Greg, I'm not really,

I don't really think there's a nice way to say this,

but that's, that video's like kind of dog shit.

Like, did you try? Your Bigfoot head fell off in the middle.

That's, that's bad. That's like actively bad.

Abby, I worked all night on this.

Mother got upset with me that I skipped dinner

to finish working on it. - Okay, whatever.

Post it, I guess,

but honestly, if this does not drive up business,

we're probably gonna have to call it quits

Call it quits? - or whatever.

Why would we call it quits?

Well, Greg, I don't really know if you've noticed,

but the monster hunting business

isn't really like a lucrative one,

which I probably should've known

when my guidance counselor laughed at me

for three minutes straight when I said I wanted

to major in cryptozoology, but-

I, I've been meaning to ask you about that, Abby.

What, what is cryptozoology?

I, it's just that Mother's been pestering me and, well-

Are you for real right now, dude?

Cryptozoology is a pseudoscience

that studies and tracks down legendary

or extinct creatures whose current existence

is either unknown or unsubstantiated.

Duh. So you can tell your bitch ass mother Debbie that.

No, no. Unsubstantiated. - Uh huh, yeah.

You're doing that thing where you nod your head

like you know what I'm saying,

but I could totally tell you don't,

and I have to tell you this, too.

If your butt didn't look so cute in your little work pants,

I probably would've fired you a long time ago.

We are hunting down creatures, okay?

Like Bigfoot, the yeti, the, the Fresno Nightcrawlers,

the, the Loch Ness Monster, the Loveland frog man,

the Squonk, the, the, the, Werebear, the,

- The Graveyard Shark? - The Graveyard Shark.

Wait, what? - Abby Westcott.

My name is Dr. Jan Lovnik,

and I'm here to hire you to help deal

with our town's Graveyard Shark problem.

Graveyard Shark? That is a, it's a new one.

There have been eyewitness reports

of a shark-like creature that haunts our town's graveyard.

Recently, four teenagers went into the graveyard

and disappeared with no sign of them.

Local authorities say it's all hoax,

that there's nothing to worry about,

that is all just a case of mass hysteria.

Well, that is typical of a coverup, isn't it?

So what can you tell us about the eyewitness reports?

I think it would be better

if you heard from the survivors yourself.

I'm a therapist.

I lead a support group

for the victims of the Graveyard Shark.

I would like to invite you to come in,

sit down with them, and hear their stories yourself.

We have a meeting coming up tomorrow.

Okay.

I really hope you can make it.

Yeah, I mean, we're busy,

but we can try to make something-

But we're not.

We're not doing anything. - Shut up.

Yeah, we're very busy, but we'll be there.

We'll, we'll make it work.

I hope we'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Have a good day. - You, too.

Oh my God, Greg, this is it!

This is, this is our big break. Pack the bags.

We're going monster hunting. Let's go right now.

Let's go, let's go. - Just a quick message

No, no, no, no, no, no! - to my mother.

Fuck Debbie. Gimme that. - Let-

Come on, let's go. - Ow!

We gotta go now. I, come on!

This is MF Radio News,

and we interrupt your regular programming

for a breaking news report.

Four teenagers have gone missing over the weekend

in the quiet town of Willsboro Point.

The last known location was near the old graveyard,

sending shockwaves through the community.

Authorities are scrambling to piece together the events

leading up to their disappearance.

We reached out to Sheriff McDermott

for a statement on the situation.

When asked about the missing teenagers,

he assured us that law enforcement is doing everything

in their power to locate them.

Pressed further about any potential foul play,

Sheriff McDermott offered a cautious response.

The sheriff concluded the interview

by issuing a warning to the public.

As we wait further updates from the authorities,

we urge residents to remain vigilant

and report any information

that may aid in locating these missing teenagers.

Let's go a little easier on the.

Goddammit, Greg. - Sorry.

It's almost 20 people missing.

Yeah. - Graveyard Shark's horrible.

- They're probably okay. - All right, everyone.

Let's take our seats and get started.

Greg, you a Graveyard Shark survivor?

No donuts for you, okay? Those are for survivors.

Sorry. - You're just a guy.

Like are you kidding me?

Take your seats please. - Sorry.

No. - I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Group, today we have a very special guest joining us.

This is Abby Westcott.

She's a specialist in the weird, abnormal creatures.

I ask her to join us here today

so that she could hear your stories

and get a better understanding of what it is

that you're going through

and hopefully provide some answers.

Thank you guys so much for sharing your stories with me.

I'm really hoping that I can maybe provide some answers

and understand what you guys

are going through a little bit more.

Thank you.

So, who would like to start us off today?

My name's Chip, Chip Conners, and-

It's okay, Chip. We're in a safe space here, all right?

I'm a survivor of a Graveyard Shark attack.

It's been two years since it happened.

My girlfriend, Ginger, thought it would be romantic

to have a picnic in the graveyard.

Ginger, it has been the most amazing 132 days with you.

It really has been the best 132 days of my entire life.

Ginger, I've, I've been thinking.

Yes? - Ginger,

there's nobody else in the whole world

that I would rather spend the rest of my life with than you.

Ginger Eloise. - Oh.

Will you marry me? - Oh, yes!

Yes, Chip Conners! I will marry you!

Oh. Oh my God.

Oh. Oh.

And now I think it's time

that I gave you a little gift as well.

Oh.

I panicked. I just froze there.

As I watched the Graveyard Shark eat her whole

in front of me, I couldn't move!

I couldn't breathe!

The person I just decided to spend the rest of my life with

was eaten by a shark in front of me, and I, I-

Chip, Chip, it's okay. We're all safe here.

What do we say?

I'm not prey. I'm a survivor, and I will not be eaten.

Everyone join in.

I'm not prey.

I'm a survivor, and I will not be eaten.

Very good. Thank you, Chip.

Sadie, how about you share your story next?

Sure. I don't mind going next.

My name is Sadie. I'm a model if you can't already tell.

You can follow me on my Fans account, Sadiebaby6412.

It's for the research, the research.

I went out to the graveyard a few months ago

as part of like a spooky Halloween shoot for my Fans page.

Yeah, that's it. Move to the left.

That's the stuff, Sadie baby.

Let's slowly pull up that sheet.

You're killing it. These are freaking amazing.

Shark!

And it was just really fucked up

how that Graveyard Shark just up and ruined my shoot,

you know? - Ruined.

I'm still waiting on the edits from the photographer.

I mean, it's been months now. How unprofessional.

Sadie, the photographer is dead.

That sounds like a her problem, not a me problem.

All right, thank you so much for sharing, Sadie.

I see we have someone new in our group today.

Would you like to introduce yourself?

Oh, hey. I'm Doug.

My friends call me Doug or Doug.

Hi, Doug. - Sup. So check it.

Me and my friend Pookie,

who definitely isn't my drug dealer or anything,

we went for a little walk

after a little of that Downtown Brown Donna Juana.

You know what would go good

with this Sweet Fuzzy Lady, Pookie?

Some of that sweet ass Cow Cream Freezies?

Hell yeah.

I'm talking that two-scoop sticky situation

with the dome a la mode.

Oh, you mean that Eskimo Blow Triple Friple

Goober Berry Sunrise Waffle Cone Job?

I mean that Mississippi Mud Pie Cone or Bone

Maggie Moose Filthy Sundae.

Oh, you know what I'm thinking.

Lay it on me, Pookie.

Two guys, one cup. - Two guys.

One cup.

Vanilla and strawberry. - Go!

Scoop, scoop, yeah!

Oh!

Toast. - Toast.

♪ Chocolate secrets are missing the dark ♪

♪ Ice cream, lick it with my tongue, I won't be left hot ♪

Ah! - Oh yeah.

That is, I bet you I can top that.

♪ Ecstasy ♪

Oh, we playing a game of horse?

We playing a game of horse? I got that.

That's good ice cream!

I, I'm sorry,

but what does any of this have to do with a Graveyard Shark?

- What's a Graveyard Shark? - Are you kidding?

We've all been sitting around here talking

about this horrible monster who's killed,

murdered people we all know and care for.

Speak for yourself.

I don't even know the photographer's name.

Okay. That's besides the point.

The point is he's a killer, and he will kill again.

Mm-hmm, well, that ain't the smartest thing I heard all

through this little stupid ass meeting

'cause I warned y'all.

Didn't I warn y'all? I warned all y'all crazy white folks.

I warned you. I warned you.

I know I warned your dumb ass sitting right there.

Oh, I definitely warned this bitch right here,

but I warned all of y'all just like I warned, look it here,

all these stupid white folks on this wall right here!

I warned this bitch. She ain't listen.

Where she at now? Worm food, motherfucker!

I warned her. I especially warned his ass.

His ass sitting up here like,

"Ooh, ain't no shark gonna get me."

Guess what? Shark got the motherfucker, didn't it?

Sure as shit did.

I warned them just

like I'm warning y'all white motherfuckers!

But you ain't listening!

Instead of hauling and getting the fuck up outta here,

y'all sitting up in here talking

about what the Graveyard Shark done did now.

"Oh, the Graveyard Shark done took my mama.

The Graveyard Shark done took my daddy.

The Graveyard Shark shark this. The Graveyard Shark there."

Respectfully, you can suck my dick from the back,

expeditiously, no condom.

Slurp, slurp, motherfucker. Slurp, slurp.

If you were smart,

you'd get your dumb asses the hell up outta here

before you fuck around and find out!

You know what?

Miss White Lady, is these donuts, are they free?

- Yes, yes, please. - I'm gonna take take them.

Take them all. - Thank you.

Y'all don't listen.

Gonna be one ear and out the other with y'all.

How do you open this damn door? Unlock.

It's a push. - Unlock!

Just gotta push.

- Do I push or pull? - Push the metal bar, please.

Thank you. - All right.

Thank you all. God bless.

You have a good day. Toodles.

Who was that jackass?

Oh, that's Captain Isaac Seyburn.

He's kind of a local fisherman who goes around yelling

at people and warning them about the Graveyard Shark.

He does it every week. I think it's for the donuts.

Anyway, everybody, let's grab hands.

Repeat after me. I'm not prey.

I'm not prey.

I'm a survivor, and I will not be eaten.

I think we'll conclude our session here today.

Thank you all.

Do you mind if I say something?

Oh, sure. - Great.

Thank you guys for sharing your stories with me today.

Really want you to know

that I know what you're going through,

and I know how it feels to have somebody

that you really care about get horribly mauled and murdered

in front of you by an indescribable horror.

When I was a little girl,

my dad got completely eviscerated

in front of me by a, a monster,

a monster that I couldn't describe at the time

and, and I still really can't.

No one had ever seen anything like it.

It was a monster,

and everyone thought that I was making it up,

that it was something that I made up

to avoid the reality of the situation,

but I know, I know that the reality is

is that there are monsters in this world,

and I know they're real.

So I've dedicated my life to cryptozoology,

studying these monsters, these legends, and these myths.

I'm gonna get the answers, I'm gonna get the evidence,

and I'm gonna, I'm gonna get rid of this Graveyard Shark,

and I'm gonna, I'm gonna put an end to this reign of terror

that's gripping all of you, I promise.

Okay.

Okay. - Abby. Truly moving.

Thanks, Greg. - My eyes are welling up.

Yeah, it's really embarrassing when just one guy claps,

so. - But I thought they

- would've joined, but they, - Okay, well, they didn't.

They, no. - So, yeah.

Abby, if there's anything I can do to help,

just please let me know. - Great.

Well, I think it's time we need

to visit the scene of the crime.

Okay. I will show you the way.

Great.

Well, let's just keep an eye out and be careful in there.

While I don't believe there is actually a Graveyard Shark,

I do believe we should exercise some caution.

Well, if you don't believe there's a Graveyard Shark,

what do you think is going on?

I don't know. Maybe police is right.

Maybe it is a case of mass hysteria.

People who are trauma bonded by horrific events

have created this collective image in their heads

of a shark eating their loved ones,

all to mask themselves from grief.

I had a colleague with a patient

who thought that he was a panda.

He lived his life as one,

all to just avoid facing the truth about losing his parents.

Okay, doctor, that's an interesting theory,

but that's all it is, a theory.

I'm here to uncover the truth about what's going on.

All right. - Well,

seems like a pretty normal graveyard to me.

Yeah, well, it would to a simpleton like you, Greg,

but if you use your eyes,

you would see that this place is not kept up.

I, I mean, the grass is overgrown. It's almost abandoned.

The roads are destroyed. People are kept outta here.

They're scared of this place. Get the camera ready.

Come on, let's go. - Oh.

Let's go. - Hey!

- Come on! Keep walking. - I'm working on it. Hold on.

And we're rolling!

Abby, the Monster Hunter here.

I am in a small fishing village on the shores

of Lake Champlain in a cemetery that is said

to be the hunting grounds

for the horrible creature the locals

are calling the Graveyard Shark.

The locals are describing this as something

out of the darkest fantasies of HP Lovecraft,

a humanoid shark beast with a giant shark fin,

a slippery skin,

and a mouth that would put a great white to shame.

It's my duty to you, my fans and followers,

to uncover the truth about the mystery

of this Graveyard Shark. - Hello? Hello?

Yes, this is her.

No, no, I'm good with my car's current warranty.

Thank you very much. I've had enough of these calls.

This place of giving me the jeepy creepies.

Hello?

Hello? Is anybody there?

That sounded like the doctor.

Maybe she fell and got hurt?

Greg, come on. That's so stupid.

Let's go check on her.

What in the devil was that?

Graveyard Shark!

Get that camera rolling. Maybe we can get it on film.

Come on. - Yes, yes, yes, yes.

And we're rolling!

We just heard what could be the deathly growl

of the Graveyard Shark right on the other side

of these woods, so you guys follow us.

Oh my God. Oh.

Greg, cut the camera. Call 911.

Fuck, fuck! Oh my God, okay.

All right, okay, all right.

Okay, we're gonna apply pressure. Okay.

No, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be okay.

We'll just, we'll put these back, okay?

It's okay. You're gonna be fine.

Let's put it back and-

Okay, we'll just put this back, and you'll be fine.

It's real, the-

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Fuck!

Fuck!

We've searched this graveyard over,

and there's no sign of a shark, ma'am.

Now you wanna tell me the real reason

why you were trespassing?

This is a closed off area.

My story remains the same, officer.

The doctor hired us to investigate the Graveyard Shark,

and she was attacked and killed by it.

And you say you saw this so-called Graveyard Shark?

No, we didn't see it, but we heard this creature sound.

It sounded a bit like ruhr.

So you heard a, a monster sound.

Is that right? - Yeah.

Anything else? - Yeah!

When, when she was dying, she said,

"It's real, the graveyard."

- She said what now? - Well, I think she was trying

to say, "It's real, the Graveyards Shark."

But she didn't actually say it.

No, she didn't get to finish it because

Uh huh. - she died, so.

Sheriff, can I have a word for a moment?

Sure thing, Deputy. Wait here.

Mm-hmm. Not liking this at all.

It's like they're not even trying to listen to us.

I gave him a monster sound and everything.

Yeah, it's probably best if you never do that again.

- I thought it would help. - It definitely didn't.

Well, I mean, all evidence is pointing

towards a bear attack. - A bear attack.

- Are you even listening to us? - Oh, I'm listening.

Now you said you, you heard, what was that sound again?

Ruhr. - Yeah.

See, that sounds like a bear to me.

Now that I think about it, it does sound like a bear.

He might be right.

This area's known for bear attacks.

There's a den just over the mountains over there,

and they come down here, they get hungry,

and they start rummaging for food and such.

Okay, well what about all the reports

of shark attacks in this area? - Really?

Now that's just some old town folklore meant

to scare the kids.

Now, honestly, do you see any water around here?

No. - How is a shark supposed

to thrive and survive without water?

Well... Now,

before you say another word,

I'm gonna give you nice folks a chance

to walk away and go home, all right?

Now, I'm not gonna press any charges.

I'm gonna need this for evidence though.

But I tell you what, if I see you here again,

y'all gonna be knee deep in a world of trouble.

You got that? - Yes, officer.

Good. Now go on, get.

We've got some real police work to handle.

Okay.

Now we don't have time

to be chasing imaginary shark monsters.

Yep.

Thank you? So what now?

Probably a change of clothes

and a hot shower and I don't know.

This is really fucking fishy,

and I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.

Really fishy. Wait, bears like to eat fish.

Maybe it's something's connected here.

Oh my God. Knock it the fuck off, Greg.

I'm...

Deputy Amendolare, Campbell, I leave cleanup to you.

I've got some business to handle at the station.

Don't fuck off like you did last time.

Yes, sir. - Get it done. Hurry back.

Yes, sir. You know you could count on us.

I mean it.

Why you always gotta mess with the sheriff?

The sheriff's a dick, all right?

He talks out of his ass,

and he always leaves us with the shit details.

I mean, sir, look at this, look at this.

Literally shit-filled intestines. Are you kidding me?

This is-

Can't we just leave it here and let it rot?

I mean, I'm sure the bear's gonna come back

for it anyway, huh?

Do you honestly think a bear did this?

Seriously? Who cares, okay?

I'm too sober for this shit anyway.

- Well, I have an idea. - Yeah? What's that?

How about you and me have a little fun?

Okay. What'd you have in mind, huh?

How about you pound this ass,

and then we'll smoke this grass?

Okay.

Told you I was fucking naughty.

Take that.

But you know Mommy likes when I'm in charge.

Oh! Easy.

Ooh, but you like it.

There. Stay.

Ooh, okay. You bringing the cuffs in?

Yeah. Are you my pet right now?

You know I am.

Welcome,

fellow seekers of the mysterious and unknown,

to another episode of "Cryptozoology Chronicles."

And, if you will, a world where the boundaries

between human and animal blur,

where creatures of myth walk among us disguised

in the skin of men.

If werewolves exist,

what other were-creatures might lurk in the shadows?

Could there be were-pigs roaming the countryside

under the light of the full moon or perhaps were-deer

with antlers that pierce the veil between worlds?

And then there's a notion of something even more sinister,

were-bears.

You see, Abby, we have a responsibility

to the people to discover new forms of life

and uncover this world's mysteries.

But hasn't everything already been discovered, Dad?

Modern science has barely begun

to scratch the surface of what's out there.

We discover 15,000 new species of plants, animals,

- and insects every year. - That is pretty cool.

This world is a vast one full of many mysteries, Abby,

and let's not forget what lies beyond our world.

Have a look around.

Could this be wolfsbane?

No, no, it...

Whoa! Whoa! - Whoa!

Greg, what the fuck? - Sorry!

I, I heard you were screaming. There was a panic attack.

Greg, have you heard of knocking?

I, I'm sorry! I was concerned about your wellbeing!

Give me, give me a fucking towel. Get the fuck out.

There's a message on the, on the message board for you.

Okay, get out! - Sorry.

God, I needed that. - Yeah.

Well, you know, whenever I'm on duty, I please that booty.

Mm, that you sure do.

So can you uncuff me now?

Uncuff you? - Yeah. Uncuff me.

What? You don't wanna go round two, officer?

I do. Not like this.

You know you like it when I'm naughty.

Yeah, I do.

I might just have to do like cavity search.

The fuck you are.

I'm just joking, you big baby. Now where are my keys?

You're fucking joking, right? You better have those keys.

Oops. I don't know if I can find them.

What was that? - What was what?

I heard something moving over there.

Who's out there? - Hello?

- Are you fucking with me? - No. I heard something.

What the fuck?

Let her go! Let her go! - Help me!

Dammit, let her go!

Come on!

Let her go!

Whoa!

Okay, okay. Professional.

So about before, I was... You know what? It's fine.

It's actually okay if we never talk about that again

and actually if you forget everything that you saw.

That's cool, too. - Of course.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Zip zap zop.

Control alt delete.

Yeah, that was... Just like that.

Yeah.

Are you sure we want to delete? It's deleted.

You are a weird and off-putting man.

I don't know if you've been told that enough in your life.

Okay, weirdo.

So what was this message you wanted to show me?

Oh, right here. Just showed up on the fan page.

Okay, let's see.

"I tried to warn you, but you didn't listen. Nobody listens."

Now the Graveyard Shark has claimed another victim.

"If you really do seek the truth," all caps,

"let the Graveyard Shark come to O'Brien's Pub tonight,

and all will be revealed."

- Punctuation's terrible. - Yeah. No, no, no.

But this is it though. This is it.

Real leads always have terrible punctuation.

This is probably it. Okay, I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna follow this up. I'm gonna get my stuff.

Let's go. Greg, come on, let's go!

Actually, it's getting a bit late,

and the drive here was exhausting.

I was going to turn in for the night.

Mother doesn't like me going out super late

in a unfamiliar place.

Just, I think I'll turn in

so we can get a fresh start tomorrow.

Okay, yep. Whatever, weirdo.

- I'll see you tomorrow then. - And please be careful.

Yeah. Thanks, Mom.

♪ Is just raining through the windowpane ♪

♪ And wherever it goes ♪

What'll be? - Bourbon, neat.

♪ Talking through the windowpane ♪

I ain't seen your face here before. What brings you here?

I'm meeting someone in regards to the Graveyard Shark.

Okay, yeah. That's not weird or ominous at all.

Great. Thanks, buddy.

So you're the one that messaged me?

Mm-hmm. Have a seat, little girl.

I, I was planning on it. Whatever.

So you have information about the Graveyard Shark?

That I do. Now you seem like a smart little girl.

So if I were you, I'd use that brain of yours

and get the hell up out this town

while your life and your limbs are still intact

because I've seen the Graveyard Shark.

Oh yeah. I've seen him on my own two eyes.

He's evil, he's unstoppable, he's an abomination,

and it's because of me he exists.

What do you mean because of you?

Oh boy.

Who's there? I got me a shotgun.

I'm not messing around. I'm gonna shoot your ass.

I'll be goddamned. I'm either drunk as hell or..

It's really a fine ass mermaid in front of me.

Hey there, sugar plum with your fine self.

What brings you around these parts?

You know what? Actually, I don't really think that I need

to hear this weird story, so... No!

Now I got to tell you every specific

and detailed part of the story so you

can get a full and better understanding of it.

No, I'm really sure we could skip like a lot

of the details. - So it was at this point

I lifted up her sweet ass tail.

You know what? Please don't.

Oh, please don't. Please don't do it.

If it smells like fish, eat up all you wish.

Come here, girl. - No, please stop.

Oh you, oh, you are doing it, please, oh.

I mean, can we just move on to what, oh.

♪ In your ocean, baby, and show you how I feel ♪

♪ You feel that ♪

♪ When I go up in your river ♪

♪ I feel that ♪

♪ Best believe I'll deliver ♪

♪ And get in the guts for real ♪

♪ For it's one by land and two by sea ♪

♪ I want you here right next to me ♪

♪ Off the hook, baby ♪

♪ Girl, you off the hook, baby ♪

♪ Oh, no excusin' if hands or butts ♪

♪ I wanna get up in the fishy guts ♪

♪ Off the hook, baby ♪ ♪ Hook, baby ♪

♪ Girl, you off the hook, baby ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, get that fishy ass over here ♪

♪ That's right ♪

♪ If it smells like cologne ♪

What do we have here? Open Sesame.

♪ I'm begging you, please do not presume ♪

♪ If it smells like potpourri ♪

♪ You better leave that coochie be ♪

♪ Or if it smells like fish, you can eat up all you wish ♪

♪ I'm talking sea ♪ ♪ Sea ♪

♪ Bass ♪

♪ I'm gonna get up in ass ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Gimme that fish ♪ ♪ Fish ♪

♪ That trout ♪ ♪ Trout ♪

♪ You know what I'm talking about ♪

♪ That's right ♪

Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

Look at me. What's your social security?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

To the sea!

♪ Off the hook ♪

Oh, miss! More butter for my lobster, please.

Okay, but please just be done

with the really weird, unnecessary-

There we were, - Nope.

Laying there in the bliss

of our ungodly and adulterated sex, just butt ass naked,

just sweating in each other's sex juices,

listening to the harmonious sounds of the swamp

before she swam away, leaving me alone.

Okay, thank God.

So I don't know what this has to do

with the Graveyard Shark.

Can we please get back to that?

I searched for her everywhere!

Okay. - Every night

and in hopes of getting caught up in that sweet,

sweet tuna pussy once again.

Have you ever had tuna pussy before, miss?

Nope. - Ooh, whoa!

You don't know what you missing. Knock it till you try it.

Now that shit will have you caught up.

That shit will get you sprung.

That shit so good, that shit nice and tight.

Shit sound like this. Sometimes you gotta get up in there.

Gotta like that. You hear that?

Oh, here you go, baby. Oh, oh, where we going?

Are you gonna eat any of this

or just like finger it?

Oh, I don't waste no food now, baby.

I don't believe it. Yeah, I knew you'd come back!

I'll be damned.

What you got there, girl?

Come on, lemme see. Quit playing.

The hell is that? - Our love child.

Bitch, the fuck it is.

So now that child daddy now,

I'm gonna need your help raising my son.

I'm gonna need some money. Babies aren't cheap.

Don't think you're just gonna be some sort

of a deadbeat father because you live up on the land.

Right, right. True, true.

Well I'm gonna give you this little motherfucker,

I mean, our love child.

I'm gonna go over this way

and grab that child support, okay?

But not for nothing, but you sure it's mine?

Maybe there's some kind of mistake or something.

No mistake.

Hey, I didn't mean it like that.

- You think I'm some ho? - Hey, I ain't judging.

You think I'm out there letting other fishermen love

with my finest self? - Hey.

You've been gone for six months.

I don't know where the hell you-

You are the only man who been up my fish guts.

I don't know. You could be saying any-

Besides, look at him. - Yeah.

- He looks just like you. - That's cat, bitch.

So don't be telling me some bullshit like it ain't yours.

All right, you know what? I don't wanna argue.

What I'm gonna do is get you this money.

We'll handle all the affairs later, okay?

I don't want no trouble, all right?

So let me just get you this money.

You want our 20s or 50 bills or what you, ah, bitch!

Jesus fucking Christ!

No, no. You don't get to judge me.

What laid before me was the horrendous results

of consensual sex between a man and a half fish.

Now I have stared into the eyes of the devil,

its eyes so black and so cold,

its eyes staring right back at me,

staring right into the depths of my very soul.

Now what the hell was I supposed to do, huh?

Ashamed of what I did,

I decided it was best to bury them in the graveyard

in the hopes that the holy ground would help cleanse,

purify, and protect the world from the, the ungodly act

that I performed with that mermaid,

no matter how erotic they were,

and that the ramifications of our naughty, nasty sex

that created that demonic spawn

would stay buried for all of time.

Lord have mercy on me.

I thought my secret would stay buried

along with that bastard and his mother.

Somehow, he managed to cling to life

and dig himself up out of that hole

and stay in that graveyard for many years with no trouble,

no incident at all until a few years.

A few years ago, the killing started.

You should be so ashamed of yourself.

This is all everything you've done.

This whole situation could've been avoided.

You know, I used to think that, too,

until the killing started and I began to hear rumors

of this shark creature running around, and believe you me,

I didn't believe it for one second either.

I thought it was all bullshit, to be honest with you,

that is until I start searching myself.

You all right, bitch? Oh, damn.

You better stay your ass, stay your big ass over there!

No! Don't you creep!

Don't you, why you, Jesus, he's so menacing!

Oh, Jesus, please! Oh, he's so sweaty!

Ow! Ow!

And there I was face to face with the beast,

face to face with my son.

Part of me wishes I had never knocked boots

with that fine ass mermaid,

laying this pipe deep down into them fish guts.

Sometimes I ask myself, "Was it worth it?"

But my biggest regret, well,

that's not killing that son of a bitch when I had a chance.

Okay, so what are you gonna do about it now?

Have you tried contacting the local authorities?

I tried.

Called the authorities, warned the town folk,

but you know what they do?

Call me a drunkard, label me as the local loony,

crazy Captain Isaac,

and still go up in that goddamn graveyard

where they get attacked,

and these sons of bitches blame it on bear attacks.

So you know what I'm gonna do? Not a goddamn thing.

I see. Okay, well, you know what?

If you're not gonna do something about it,

then I guess I'll have to.

So somebody else will have to go take care

of the monster that you created.

Well, you're gonna die if you do.

So if I was you,

I'd get my ass up outta here while you could.

Okay, well, I might die, but I'm not running away.

I made a promise to myself that I would not be a coward,

and I couldn't live with myself if I hid

from all the monsters in this world behind a bottle.

So it's time for somebody to stand up and do something.

So you know what?

You can just stay here

and fist your macaroni salad or whatever,

and I'll go deal with it.

Have a great night.

Lay it down, Poo. Lay it down.

Yeah.

♪ Tutu, ah tutu ♪

♪ I said we fighting the knife in the graveyard ♪

♪ And this shark ♪

♪ Got grenades, blades, and AKs in the car ♪

♪ You don't wanna see us, we'll be there after dark ♪

♪ Got a problem, I'ma pop up ♪

♪ Pookie gonna drop him ♪

♪ My team is gonna stop him and losing this night ♪

- Yeah. Let me take one. - Go crazy then, Poo.

♪ We're giving out samples in the Dixie cup ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ 54 flavors to fuck your shit up ♪

♪ What else ♪

♪ 54 flavors to fuck your shit up ♪

♪ What else, yeah ♪

♪ 54 flavors to fuck your shit up ♪

Woo! Get down. - Yeah!

Cone, scoop. - Scoop.

Sprinkles.

Yo, girl.

What's got you so flustered like a banana nut cluster?

Are you talking to me?

Who else would we be talking to, little mama?

You look like you could use a little

of the old Colorado whipped cream.

One, no idea what you're talking about.

Two, I am full grown.

Three, I am definitely not your mom!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You look stressed is all.

I am stressed! It's been a day.

Lay it all out like dirty Neapolitan, girl.

Okay, well, I just found out the horrifying

and nightmarish truth behind the Graveyard Shark.

What, that that loony fisherman guy

- fucked a fish creature? - Yeah! Why do you know that?

Tells everyone that.

It's kind of a weird flex, right?

I mean, especially the part

where he murdered her with a shovel.

If I had a mermaid girlfriend, I would treat her right.

I would take her to meet my parents.

I would do the dishes half the time,

which I imagine is pretty fucking easy

to do under the water, and I wouldn't murder her!

I would go down on her like a stinky snow cone, though,

because I am a generous lover.

It's often been said, "Can't spell Pookie without two Os."

Hell yeah, like nasty melt tote a la mode flash cone.

Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I would just love it so much if we could talk

about anything but going down on a mermaid.

Hey, different strokes for different folks.

I mean, who are we to judge what a man does

with a fish creature?

In the end, it's all just love.

Isn't that what's important?

Well, yeah. I mean, I guess.

Love is really what is the most important thing.

Yeah. - So.

All right, so now that you know the truth

about this Graveyard Shark, what you gonna do?

That I don't know 'cause this

is really overwhelming and confusing.

Sounds like she could use a little advice

from the green goddess herself.

No, I'm overwhelmed and confused.

So I should probably keep a level head.

You know? - Oh.

Trust in the process of the mean green dragon

for a paradigm shifting epiphany of botanical knowledge.

It's good. It's so good.

Okay, this will help? Like-

It's like vitamins and shit. It's natural.

It's natural and healthy. It's from the earth.

Okay, yeah. Right, okay.

There you go. - This is good for me.

Yeah. I knew she was cool.

Right? - Right?

Nice. - All right, yeah.

What's the worst that could happen, right?

- Yeah, dude. - I, I know what I'm doing.

I, I could do this myself - There you go.

'cause I've done it many times obviously, so.

Rum and raisin, gonna be blazin'.

♪ Sweet temptation ♪

Yummy! - Yeah.

I can't believe they did that.

But I also feel good. - You know what?

What's great about not feeling good?

Yeah, because basically, it makes sense.

I'm good. How you doing, man?

Abby.

- Abby, the time has come. - Dad, is that really you?

It's a version of me made up

by your high as fuck subconscious.

I have missed you so much.

I don't know what to do right now.

Well, what is it I've always said?

That we have a responsibility

to the people to discover new life forms

and uncover the world's mysteries.

We also have the responsibility to protect them

from monsters that exist, like a certain Graveyard Shark.

Yeah, that's what I don't know what to do something about.

I feel like there's nothing I can do.

Like, well, I couldn't protect you or save you back then.

There's nothing that you could've done

to save me back then.

Please don't blame yourself for that.

You, my girl, have a chance to do something now.

You have the power to stop the Graveyard Shark.

How? Dad, I think I'm a weirdo.

I'm not special. - You not special?

Now that's a joke. You're my daughter.

You have everything you need

to stop the Graveyard Shark here and here.

You just gotta believe in yourself.

Dad, don't go. - Abby,

you must destroy all monsters.

Oh yeah, yeah, I'm into this. I'm definitely into this.

Okay, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, okay.

You're real. Oh, you're so hairy.

Yeah. Oh my god, Bigfoot, I love you so much.

Hold on. Let me slip into something more comfortable.

Oh, okay. All right.

All right, ready? I'm gonna transform.

Ready?

♪ Dee dee dee dee dee dee ♪

Yeah! Okay, let's go.

Okay. All right.

I know that they call you Bigfoot,

but I wanna see if this is big, okay?

Okay, so looks like just no genitals.

Okay, nope. No, no, no, no.

It's fine, it's fine.

This is, this is still my fantasy,

so we're gonna make this work, okay?

You know, thank you for being vulnerable and honest with me.

You know, who would've expected it? Bigfoot's a bottom.

We're learning new things every day. Lay down, Bigfoot.

Let's go. All right, okay.

So we'll just.

Yeah. All right.

You think I should just sit on your face instead?

Yeah, okay. Come on. Let's do that.

This is way better than fisting you.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.

Please tell me we didn't. - Didn't what?

Didn't, you know, you and me in the bed.

What are you doing with your hands?

Touching and - I don't know

what you're trying to say. - bumping uglies

or scrumbling and... What are you trying to say?

Bed pressing and please don't make me say it.

Did, Greg, did we have sex?

Oh, ew! No. - Ew? Why are you ewing it?

Mother wouldn't find it appropriate, that's all.

What is wrong with you?

Okay. Also, what happened last night?

Because I have a really bad headache.

I'll have you know, there's nothing wrong with me.

Mother and I have confirmed that I'm a perfectly normal,

rational thinking young cub, thank you very much.

You strolled last night very late with those two lads

covered in ice cream who have absconded elsewhere.

You threw me outta the bed,

you grabbed the mask from the box,

and things got rather peculiar between you and that mask.

Okay, you can delete those memories as well.

Pyoo! Gone.

Anywho,

anything good from last night about the Graveyard Shark?

I, I did actually.

I discovered its origins,

and I think I sorted some stuff out,

and I know what we need to do next.

- And what is that? - Find a way to kill it.

Jesus, Henry! Have some respect for your father.

It's Hendrick now, Mother.

God, I don't even know why we come out here year.

Dad died six years ago, and let's be honest,

he was an awful human.

Your father loved you more than anything.

He never cared or gave a crap to know the real me.

He didn't mean that. He loves you.

Henry, come here!

What the?

Ma! You ready to go?

Ma. Where are you?

Deputy Amendolare, what's your 10-20?

Deputy Campbell report in.

Goddamn, if they're fucking off again,

there's gonna be hell to pay.

I can't leave them numbskulls alone

for one minute and do a goddamn thing.

Campbell, is that you messing around?

Time to start going through resumes again. Damn bears.

Abby, you must destroy all monsters.

Okay, time to face my fears.

So you ready for this? - I am.

It's time to put an end to this monster's reign of terror.

You don't have to do this alone.

What are you guys doing here?

These two over here told us you were here

and that you're going after the Graveyard Shark.

We want in. - No, no, no, no.

It is way too dangerous.

What, and it's not too dangerous for you?

How about it, Pookie? - No.

That is to say no thank you very much. I'm good.

We are survivors of the Graveyard Shark.

We are doing this for everyone we know

who's fallen to him.

We wanna do this for the doctor.

For the doctor. - For the doctor.

For the doctor.

For the doctor.

What was it the doctor would always say?

I am not prey.

I am a survivor, and I and I will not be eaten.

Cat!

That's cat. That's fake news, bitch!

Did I come at a bad time,

or y'all still doing y'all little stupid ass chants?

Yeah, no, we're all just surprised to see you

'cause we all thought you'd just be drinking

and crying still. - Oh!

Well, appears that I've run out of the good shit.

So if y'all done dillydallying,

I figured we'd get down to some business.

I created this monster.

It's only right that I help put and end to it,

but y'all don't look strapped up.

Y'all don't look like y'all got none of that fire power.

We've got some, so aye, aye, captain.

All right, let's do it, baby.

All right, let's strap up.

Okay, so this graveyard is huge.

We're gonna have to split into teams

so we can cover all the ground.

Greg and Sadie, you're gonna go to the north part.

There's a lot of woods up there,

and those trees are gonna diminish visibility.

So you guys really have to have each other's backs

and keep an eye out.

Doug and Chip, the southern part.

Now be careful because there's a pond down there

that obviously the shark could be living in.

So stay away from that. Captain, you're with me.

We're gonna go right to the center of the graveyard.

That's where the mausoleum is and lots of old structures,

any of which could house a lair for the Graveyard Shark.

Be carefully vigilant.

If you run into him,

please send out a signal so everybody knows.

We'll all reconvene because only together

- can we defeat this monster. - You can count on us.

Push it because that's a push. What do you not get?

I got it. I thought I'd kick it, make me look more badass.

All right then, captain,

what made you have your big change of heart?

'Cause I thought you'd still be at the bottom of a bottle.

Oh hush, girl, you don't know nothing about me,

and I was gonna get around to it.

I just never got around to it, that's all.

Wanna know the truth? I, I was a little scared, yes.

I'm man enough to own up to that. I admit it right now.

That's kind of how life's always been for me.

Things get a little, little scary, a little,

little complicated, a little rough.

I usually run away, turn to the bottle as a crutch,

but just seeing the look of hope

on y'all faces just lit a fire under me,

made me feel like I can do this damn thing.

If I gotta kill my own son or even die myself in the process

to ensure that you or anybody else doesn't suffer

at the fate of that damn Graveyard Shark,

then, then goddammit, so be it.

Okay, captain, you know what?

That was almost an inspiring speech.

So I want you to know your intentions are noble,

- and nobody's gonna die today. - No, that's where you wrong.

See, I said I was gonna try to make sure

that that Graveyard Shark don't kill us all.

Don't mean that ain't nobody gonna die.

Somebody gonna die. - No, we have a plan.

We're ready for it.

As my grand mama LaRenda used to say, she said,

"Son, somebody gonna get that asshole eaten."

That's not how people die. - "Son."

"Somebody gonna get that asshole eaten."

Yeah, I heard you the first time, and I'm still telling,

that's... Son.

Don't do that.

Hmm, asshole eaten.

Yeah. I get it. - Let's go.

So ass eating is actually not a-

It means death. - No, no, no.

I think you'd actually really like it

if we talked about it a little more.

Yeah. - Okay.

Again, you're missing out.

Suppose we're supposed to be

around here according to the map.

Hey, it's, it's going to be all right.

Just, just stay close to me and I can keep you safe.

So are you and Abby a couple?

Well, she, she and I, I, no, no.

She's my, she's my boss. She's my boss, she's my boss.

Does that mean you're single?

I, I suppose yes, yes, technically.

What is a big strapping hunk

of a man like you doing single?

Oh, Mother won't let me date.

It's better that I am remain single. You coming?

Yeah. Just don't kill me, creep.

So there we were, me and Pookie,

about to get some of that St. Louis soft serve

from our Persian goddess when we were hit

with the Coogie Bay Special from Dairy Dan,

the ice cream man.

It was all right, but it was no Oklahoma Sundae

from Maggie Moose Fluffy Penguin.

You know what I'm saying? - No, no.

I have no idea what you're saying.

I don't think anybody does.

Can we, can we please just focus on the task at hand?

We got this like Sticky Wilbur.

That looks like the pond that was on the map.

Yo, this looks like a double scoop of Bone Chiller

that has cream on the inside,

clean on the outside sort of vibe.

I would like to avoid finding out

what's on the inside at all costs.

Captain, look. - I see.

Yeah, that's leading right through there, too.

So tell me, little girl,

how many creatures you actually came face to face with?

Quick. - Okay, well,

technically just one, and it was a long time ago.

My dad got murdered by a creature in front of me,

so just since then,

I've just been trying to prove their existence.

Ugh!

Still fresh. - Ew.

Well, I'm sorry for your loss,

but we gonna get you your first kill tonight!

Okay. - You ready?

I am. - You kill 'em, I fuck 'em.

That's what I say. Not necessarily in that order.

Okay.

What was that?

I've heard that sound before,

but I was told by a lovely police officer

that's the sound a bear makes.

Have you ever heard a bear sound like that?

Well, Mother sometimes gets cranky in the, nevermind.

We should just keep moving. We might be getting closer.

Please tell me that you heard that.

Yes indeedy.

Do you think it was the Graveyard Shark?

Undeniably.

You don't wanna do me.

Fuzzy Blizzard Fudgie Wudgie.

You have taken everything away from me!

This is for Ginger!

Quick, shoot the flare! It'll alert the others!

I'm not prey. I'm a survivor, and I'll not be eaten.

I'm not prey. I'm a survivor, and I'll not be eaten!

- Look up at the sky! - That's a signal all right.

Do you think that that means that they found them?

Must be.

Judging by the trajectory, it came from the south.

We should go see if they need a hand.

You just stay close to me and I'll keep you safe.

I like this version of Greg. So fearless.

- I bet Mother would be proud. - Well, just as long

as we get this wrapped up before nightfall.

Mother hates if I'm out after dark. Come on.

All right. So how deep do you think these tunnels go?

'Cause it feels like we've been walking

for an awful long time. - I dunno.

Do you see these pipes right here?

Yeah.

Looks like they connect to the sewer system.

If that's the case, these pipes, they lead into town,

which is probably the reason

how this damn beast can get from place to place.

I say we keep our eyes open because if we're not careful,

he can just pop outta anywhere right now.

Great. Super comforting thought.

Oh God, where is it coming from?

Sh, sh.

Come on Sadie, baby. What do I do?

You got this. Too hot to die.

Oh, there's nothing but a man deep down,

and I've honestly had sex with much worse looking older,

fat, sloppy men for money.

Stop right there. You don't wanna eat me, do you?

Or maybe I want you to eat me.

Must be so lonely, never having the loving touch of a woman.

Let's Sadie baby take care of you.

Ugh. - Well, goddamn.

Well, it definitely looks like somebody

is living down here.

You think this could be the lair of the Graveyard Shark?

I don't know.

Oh, but, well,

looks like they got some good ass taste in movies.

Oh shit! I ain't seen this one yet.

You know, originally,

this was called "Three Days in the Woods Killing Time,"

but they moved it down to just

Captain. - "Killing Time" because-

Look at these.

If these are all the Graveyard Shark,

this fundamentally changes our understanding of him.

It's bizarre. It's kind of like he's human?

No. No, he's still a monster.

It's best you remember that.

It's best you also remember what we came here to do,

and that's put an end

to the son of a bitch's reign of terror.

Okay.

What did I say about seeing you?

Oh no, Sheriff. - Hey, hey, hey.

It's good you're here because the Graveyard Shark-

Drop your weapons.

What? - I said drop it!

- Okay, okay. It's down. - Been there, done that.

Got the motherfucker... Turn around.

Put your hands up against the wall just like this man.

Are we gonna do that? - Come on, do it!

That was amazing. You're like a machine.

I feel like I was hit

with Pasadena Pounder Strawberry Nut Sucker, damn.

Ah, shit. That ain't good.

Hold on, Sadie. Doug's coming.

How you walking, sir?

Rodney King or Martin Luther?

Oh, come on. I ain't watched that yet.

Okay, listen, we didn't do anything wrong,

so you can just let us go.

I warned you about trespassing in this graveyard.

You were lucky the first time I let you go,

but this time, you will not be leaving here alive.

Oh shit. I left the teapot on.

Oh my God.

She, she, she all right?

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

It's, it's all right. It's all right.

He ain't gonna hurt you. It's all right.

All right. Back down, back down.

You'll get your feast. Let me talk to 'em first.

Why don't, why don't you play with your new toy over there?

Goddammit, Sheriff! Now what the hell is going on now?

See, now normally,

I wouldn't take the time to explain myself,

but you, captain, pissed me right the hell off.

I think you deserve to know the reason why you will die.

You see, I was at the graveyard that night

that you were trying to bury away your sins.

Now I'd just lost my, my own wife and child,

not a week prior.

Horrible car crash,

and I'd give anything to have them back in my life.

I was on my knees pleading for them to come back to me,

and then I heard you.

As I looked into his eyes,

I knew that the heavens had given me a second chance

- to have my son. - You dumb son of a bitch you!

That ain't no damn blessings from the heavens span.

That's an abomination from hell!

I'll slap the shit outta you.

As someone who has never experienced true loss,

I wouldn't expect you to understand God's gift.

Okay, you know what? You're clearly fucking insane.

He's out there killing people, and you're letting him do it.

You're supposed to be protecting and serving.

That's your fucking job, man.

Protect and serve? - Yeah!

To serve the people who kept me away

from protecting my own wife and child?

No. Now the people are ungrateful for the gifts they got.

If they had known about my boy here,

they would've joined the captain

and burned him at the stake.

They would've seen him as a grotesque monster,

not the sweet lovable boy he is.

Yeah, you know, that guy is clearly, completely unhinged.

White people is weird.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me, look at me, look at me.

You ain't got no issue or no beef

with nobody else in this room but me.

So why don't you leave all these people alone and this-

You had a chance to go!

- Stop, stop, stop, stop. - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Don't push me, you son of a bitch. I'll kill you.

How's my girl? - Don't you touch her.

You'll get your chance to die, but you won't die first.

That's reserved for Captain Fish Fucker over here.

Hey, now you listen... Stop, stop, stop!

Captain? - You see,

you may have been his father, but I'm his daddy.

Go to hell, you son of a bitch.

Get him! - No.

What are you doing? I said kill him!

What's wrong, boy?

After all these years,

you finally got the case of the daddy issues?

Kill him, dammit! - Yeah, kill me, pussy.

Listen to me!

Sorry about that. It had to be done.

You need to listen to your daddy.

Get him, baby! - Wait, what?

It's kind of a long story,

but I think we're kind of a thing now.

Abby, go on. - No, captain, we can help.

The area's too small, confined.

He'll kill us if we stay here.

No, I can't let you die here, captain.

No, you can and you will.

I think we should listen to him.

Captain, eat his asshole. See you on the other side.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

I'm sorry you feel lost and abandoned by me.

I'm sorry I ran away. That's in the past now, boy.

You might be a big fish in a small pond,

but you never realized, motherfucker,

is I'm a well in a teardrop, and it ends here,

and it ends now.

I gotta do what I should've did to you five years ago

and what I did to your mama.

So I want you to man up,

and I want you to get your balls

in there, and I want you to prepare

for the biggest epic fight in your life

because what you don't understand, motherfucker,

is you might be the biggest, you might be the baddest,

you might be the strongest, quite possibly the fastest,

but I got the upper hand.

And when you go face to face with me

and the weapon, I, they got my shit.

Wait, there should be an exit right up this way.

Take this.

Fuck.

All right, plan B. Sup!

All right, you guys need to go, go back to town, get help.

What? No, we're not leaving you!

Okay, no, no,

'cause there's no way we're all gonna make it outta here.

So I'm gonna get his attention.

You guys go, and it'll give you a chance to get out.

You sure about this? - I am as sure

as a DB Chocolate Surprise with soft serve,

South Coast Triple Gooberberry Sunrise Mississippi Mud Pie.

Mud pie. I taught you all I know.

You got this

Now go. Go, go, go.

All right. Come on, you fuck.

Shit!

Shit.

Fuck!

Fuck! Come on!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck you!

Yeah, you fucking want some, too?

You're, you're gonna get your ass eat, too!

Greg? Greg, is that you?

'Cause that's like your pants

and shirt and necklace and shit.

Are, are you fucking serious? What the fuck, Greg?

♪ Ah, come on ♪

♪ Ah, Graveyard Shark ♪

♪ Ah, woo ♪

♪ Yeah, come on ♪

♪ Get it ♪ ♪ Vibe to it, vibe to it ♪

♪ Yo, Butter Boy, drop the beat ♪

♪ Huh, huh, huh ♪

♪ Hee, scoo, hee, scoo, hee, scoo ♪

♪ Come on, yo ♪

♪ Here's a crazy story from the deep blue sea ♪

♪ You won't believe what happened to me ♪

♪ What happened ♪ ♪ Chilling ♪

♪ and walking through the cemetery ♪

♪ It was dark and dreary, it was also scary ♪

♪ Ooh ♪ ♪ But I ain't scared ♪

♪ of no ghost or ghoul ♪

♪ So I kept it gangster and I kept my cool ♪

♪ Let's go ♪ ♪ Chillin' like a villain ♪

♪ and I got it made ♪

♪ Ain't sweating and threatened 'cause I'm not afraid ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Until I heard something ♪

♪ creeping up behind me ♪

♪ How in the world did this thing find me ♪

♪ It sounded so angry and it felt so grimy ♪

♪ And then I heard somebody to my left scream blimy ♪

♪ Shit ♪ ♪ You better get up ♪

♪ out of there as fast as you can ♪

♪ That is not human, that is not man ♪

♪ The creature with the feature coming out of the dark ♪

♪ It's the infamous Graveyard Shark ♪

♪ Butter Boy exclusive ♪

Yo, all these years, all these years,

I've been trying to, been trying to drown these demons,

but they all got gills.

Verse two. Let's keep it real.

Ah, Come on. Yo, yo, yo.

I need more snare in my headphones.

More snare? - No.

All right, that's cool.

♪ So I ran about the graveyard just as fast I could ♪

♪ Staying in the graveyard would've did me no good ♪

♪ So being outta there was a definite must ♪

♪ I ran so fast, I started picking up dust ♪

♪ Oh shit ♪ ♪ I met a man named Isaac ♪

♪ And he said, my Lord, we gotta get up out here ♪

♪ So climb aboard ♪

♪ Don't be afraid and wipe your tears ♪

♪ I've been hunting this thing for years ♪

♪ I got that 411, son, I got that tip ♪

♪ All aboard on the captain's ship ♪

♪ Fishing pole, prod, net, gun, and spear ♪

♪ All you need and want is all here ♪

♪ I'm courageous and I have no fear ♪

♪ This year here is going to be my year ♪

♪ All y'all here to say it can't be done ♪

♪ Y'all fools talking to a champion ♪

♪ I will not hide and I will not run ♪

♪ I will not quit until the battle's won ♪

♪ No man I fear and I fear no one ♪

♪ And no creature from up under the sun ♪

♪ I won't ignore it and I will not shun ♪

♪ I hunt monsters like this for fun ♪

♪ He said I gotta go now, I gotta make my mark ♪

♪ Gotta kill the infamous Graveyard Shark ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ Yo ♪

♪ Ah, ah, yo, yo yo, yo yo ♪

Your studio time's starting to run out now.

♪ He said, shorty, give me a 40, climb aboard ♪

♪ My Lord, deep waters, y'all, deep waters, y'all ♪

Wait, but-

♪ I said shorty ♪

Yep, close enough. - Word to your moms.

We drop bombs. Yo, peace.

All your haters out there that ain't believe me,

you could suck my dick from the back expeditiously.

So that, that's, that, thank you,

that was really great,

but is somebody gonna pay me this time,

or who do I go to to?