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Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
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BOB: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
3
00:00:03,564 --> 00:00:05,898
Uh-oh. You looking at the kids'
Christmas lists again?
4
00:00:05,899 --> 00:00:07,232
Binders, Lin.
5
00:00:07,317 --> 00:00:09,035
They put them in binders
this year.
6
00:00:09,036 --> 00:00:11,903
I-I think we need to explain
to them what "poor" means.
7
00:00:11,955 --> 00:00:14,790
You're putting too much pressure
on yourself. On both of us.
8
00:00:14,875 --> 00:00:16,959
We're so poor, Lin!
And it's Christmas!
9
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,578
Again! It keeps coming!
10
00:00:18,579 --> 00:00:20,463
It never stops!
Okay okay.
11
00:00:20,464 --> 00:00:21,914
(takes a deep breath)
Calm down.
12
00:00:21,915 --> 00:00:23,249
It's just, sometimes
this holiday
13
00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:25,384
makes me feel like
I'm a failure.
14
00:00:25,385 --> 00:00:27,503
Hey, hey, hey.
You kiss Santa with that mouth?
15
00:00:27,504 --> 00:00:29,255
Come on. Look,
we'll do all we can,
16
00:00:29,256 --> 00:00:31,140
and it'll be fine.
Besides, you know
17
00:00:31,141 --> 00:00:32,759
what the greatest gift
of all is?
18
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,393
Family.
19
00:00:34,394 --> 00:00:36,345
You say that to the kids
with a straight face.
20
00:00:36,346 --> 00:00:38,514
Yeah, I know.
I was just trying it out.
21
00:00:38,515 --> 00:00:40,433
What about
"Christmas is for closers?"
22
00:00:40,434 --> 00:00:42,185
Um, needs a little work.
23
00:00:42,186 --> 00:00:44,487
Well, we'll figure it out.
And the kids will be okay.
24
00:00:44,488 --> 00:00:47,190
They know it's not all about
Christmas presents. They know.
25
00:00:47,191 --> 00:00:49,075
Christmas presents countdown,
26
00:00:49,076 --> 00:00:52,278
now at: six days,
ten hours, 35 minutes.
27
00:00:52,279 --> 00:00:53,674
Oh, my God.
28
00:00:53,697 --> 00:00:55,114
I'm not gonna make it!
29
00:00:55,115 --> 00:00:57,115
Gene, be strong.
Be my big strong boy.
30
00:00:57,201 --> 00:00:58,951
(door jingles)
You guys, look what I found
31
00:00:58,952 --> 00:01:00,620
on sale at the store?
32
00:01:00,621 --> 00:01:02,789
These light-up
Christmas necklaces!
33
00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,791
They were only
a buck 99 for five.
34
00:01:04,792 --> 00:01:06,812
Can you believe
that unbelievable bargain?
35
00:01:06,844 --> 00:01:08,260
I mean, I want to.
36
00:01:08,295 --> 00:01:09,428
Well, I think it's a sign
37
00:01:09,429 --> 00:01:10,713
that this is the year.
38
00:01:10,714 --> 00:01:11,964
The year of Belcher family
39
00:01:11,965 --> 00:01:13,520
Christmas caroling!
40
00:01:13,521 --> 00:01:14,613
Ooh!
Oh, no.
41
00:01:14,614 --> 00:01:15,518
Ugh, caroling?
42
00:01:15,519 --> 00:01:17,019
Mom, we've had this talk.
43
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,521
We're just not
those kind of people.
44
00:01:18,522 --> 00:01:21,023
I mean, those people get
their clothes dry-cleaned,
45
00:01:21,024 --> 00:01:22,225
they floss...
46
00:01:22,226 --> 00:01:23,537
You know, honkies.
47
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,194
Well, count this honky
48
00:01:25,195 --> 00:01:26,195
♪ In. ♪
49
00:01:26,196 --> 00:01:27,196
That's the spirit!
50
00:01:27,197 --> 00:01:28,364
Come on, guys!
51
00:01:28,365 --> 00:01:29,782
We'll go out to the suburbs,
52
00:01:29,783 --> 00:01:31,484
to a nice street
with pretty lights,
53
00:01:31,485 --> 00:01:33,319
where people
will give us hot cocoa,
54
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:35,154
and cider
with real cinnamon in it.
55
00:01:35,155 --> 00:01:36,489
Wait. Hot cocoa?
56
00:01:36,490 --> 00:01:37,657
La Vida Mocha?
57
00:01:37,658 --> 00:01:39,208
I call it naughty mud.
58
00:01:39,209 --> 00:01:40,743
I just call it hot cocoa.
59
00:01:40,744 --> 00:01:42,264
I didn't know we had
cool names for it.
60
00:01:42,329 --> 00:01:43,830
And people will want to join us,
61
00:01:43,831 --> 00:01:45,498
and our group
will get bigger and bigger
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00:01:45,499 --> 00:01:47,333
until it's hands across America,
63
00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:49,835
singing carols
and saving mankind.
64
00:01:49,887 --> 00:01:51,754
Oh! Amity the albino
polar bear cub!
65
00:01:51,755 --> 00:01:53,389
He's on the news again!
Turn it up, damn it!
66
00:01:53,390 --> 00:01:55,842
OLSEN BENNER:
Amity, the albino polar bear cub
67
00:01:55,843 --> 00:01:58,477
born at the Bog Harbor Zoo
only a few days ago,
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00:01:58,478 --> 00:02:00,346
is being called
a Christmas bear-icle.
69
00:02:00,347 --> 00:02:01,680
KIDS: Aww.
70
00:02:01,732 --> 00:02:04,066
Amity makes non-albino
polar bear cubs
71
00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:05,651
look like a sick joke!
72
00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:07,904
Ugh! He's so cute
it disgusts me!
73
00:02:07,905 --> 00:02:11,418
Oh! "Christmas bear-icle"!
I just got it.
74
00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:13,742
LINDA: Come on, Bob,
time to go caroling.
75
00:02:13,827 --> 00:02:15,695
(door jingles)
Teddy, lookin' good.
76
00:02:15,696 --> 00:02:17,363
Yup. It's a shame
I can only wear
77
00:02:17,364 --> 00:02:18,997
this sweater four months
out of the year.
78
00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:21,199
(phone rings) Bob's Burgers.
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00:02:21,251 --> 00:02:23,680
Bob. It's your favorite
landlord, Calvin Fischoeder.
80
00:02:23,704 --> 00:02:25,203
Oh hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
81
00:02:25,255 --> 00:02:27,373
Bob, I need you to deliver
some food to my house.
82
00:02:27,374 --> 00:02:28,875
I'm having a little party,
nothing weird,
83
00:02:28,876 --> 00:02:30,342
so just bring whatever.
84
00:02:30,377 --> 00:02:31,761
Mr. Fischoeder, actually,
I'm about to go
85
00:02:31,762 --> 00:02:33,429
caroling with my family, so...
86
00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:35,181
What? Why? Never mind.
87
00:02:35,182 --> 00:02:36,883
Bob, I don't want
to play the landlord card here,
88
00:02:36,884 --> 00:02:38,266
but actually, I do.
89
00:02:38,352 --> 00:02:40,518
Oh, okay.
How much food do you need?
90
00:02:40,554 --> 00:02:42,138
Oh, I don't know.
Just... just bring...
91
00:02:42,139 --> 00:02:44,243
five or six foods.
Over and out.
92
00:02:44,274 --> 00:02:47,393
So, Mr. Fischoeder wants me
to bring food over to his house.
93
00:02:47,394 --> 00:02:48,810
He's having a party.
94
00:02:48,896 --> 00:02:51,313
Nothing weird, he said,
which is troubling.
95
00:02:51,398 --> 00:02:54,066
Ugh! It's definitely
a human sacrifice party.
96
00:02:54,067 --> 00:02:55,617
Or a sensual grown-up party.
97
00:02:55,702 --> 00:02:57,870
Dad, you need a Venetian mask
and a thong, stat!
98
00:02:57,871 --> 00:02:59,288
Stop it.
Aw, Bob.
99
00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:00,706
What about caroling?
100
00:03:00,707 --> 00:03:02,158
Well, we'll just
drop off some burgers,
101
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:03,542
and then we'll go afterwards.
(coughs)
102
00:03:03,543 --> 00:03:04,911
You're getting sacrificed.
Oh!
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00:03:04,912 --> 00:03:06,495
Bob would be great
at getting sacrificed.
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00:03:06,496 --> 00:03:07,914
He's got the body for it.
105
00:03:07,915 --> 00:03:09,184
Mm-hmm.
106
00:03:09,249 --> 00:03:11,918
♪ ♪
107
00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:13,169
Okay, I'll be right back.
108
00:03:13,170 --> 00:03:14,669
And they never saw him again.
109
00:03:16,506 --> 00:03:17,640
FELIX: What's the password?
110
00:03:17,641 --> 00:03:18,808
Uh, it's Bob. I'm just here
111
00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:20,258
to drop off some food.
112
00:03:20,344 --> 00:03:22,093
That's not it.
Felix, let me in.
113
00:03:22,145 --> 00:03:23,896
Okay, fine, but if anyone asks,
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00:03:23,897 --> 00:03:25,431
you totally knew
the password was
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00:03:25,432 --> 00:03:27,099
"pee-pee, poo-poo,
one, two, three, four."
116
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,434
They're all down in the dungeon.
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00:03:28,435 --> 00:03:29,602
It's what we call the basement.
118
00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:30,652
Oh, boy.
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00:03:30,737 --> 00:03:32,457
♪ ♪
120
00:03:34,024 --> 00:03:38,026
Oh, God. Please don't be
something horrible.
121
00:03:38,111 --> 00:03:39,946
Oh, they're gonna cover me
with candy and eat me.
122
00:03:39,947 --> 00:03:41,330
Bob!
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00:03:41,331 --> 00:03:43,282
Welcome to the Gingerbread
Gentlemen's
124
00:03:43,283 --> 00:03:45,667
Annual Gingerbread House
Competition.
125
00:03:45,752 --> 00:03:48,371
Everyone, meet this year's
guest competitor, Bob.
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00:03:48,372 --> 00:03:49,455
Hello. Hello. Hello.
127
00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:50,957
I... don't understand.
128
00:03:50,958 --> 00:03:52,758
I'm just here
to drop off the food.
129
00:03:52,759 --> 00:03:54,210
(laughing): Oh, Bob.
130
00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:55,845
You're always doing
that confused
131
00:03:55,846 --> 00:03:58,179
food delivery man business.
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00:03:58,265 --> 00:04:00,883
(stammers) And I get
why... it's hysterical.
133
00:04:00,884 --> 00:04:02,385
Now, come with me,
and let's, uh,
134
00:04:02,386 --> 00:04:04,636
get you into your tuxedo.
Come, come, come...
135
00:04:04,688 --> 00:04:07,106
Mr. Fischoeder,
what is going on?
136
00:04:07,107 --> 00:04:08,140
Hey.
Listen.
137
00:04:08,141 --> 00:04:09,642
How are you at building
138
00:04:09,643 --> 00:04:10,996
gingerbread houses?
139
00:04:11,028 --> 00:04:12,528
Well, actually, not bad.
140
00:04:12,529 --> 00:04:14,447
My mom and I used
to build them together
141
00:04:14,448 --> 00:04:16,648
before she died.
It was kind of our thing...
142
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,117
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
okay, okay, okay.
143
00:04:18,118 --> 00:04:19,201
Forget about all that,
because I want you
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00:04:19,202 --> 00:04:21,619
to enter this contest, and lose.
145
00:04:21,655 --> 00:04:23,622
What? Why?
Because every year,
146
00:04:23,623 --> 00:04:25,992
every damn year, I lose.
147
00:04:25,993 --> 00:04:27,159
You wouldn't think it
by the looks of them,
148
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,577
but those men out there
149
00:04:28,578 --> 00:04:29,912
(stuttering):
those, there are, so...
150
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:32,630
Well, they are some
creative bastards.
151
00:04:32,666 --> 00:04:34,383
O-Okay. I should
really get going.
152
00:04:34,384 --> 00:04:37,168
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup...
But, oh, hey, uh, okay.
153
00:04:37,254 --> 00:04:40,172
Where is he? All right, while
we're waiting, let's warm up.
154
00:04:40,173 --> 00:04:42,591
Now repeat after me:
Ang-ang-ang-ang-ang.
155
00:04:42,592 --> 00:04:45,977
ALL:
Ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang-ang.
156
00:04:46,013 --> 00:04:47,563
(groans) Mr. Fischoeder, I...
157
00:04:47,564 --> 00:04:50,015
can't Felix lose for you?
What? No!
158
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,234
He wishes.
Only the eldest son
159
00:04:52,235 --> 00:04:54,903
in each founding family
is allowed to compete.
160
00:04:54,988 --> 00:04:56,821
Well, then, why would
I be allowed to compete?
161
00:04:56,857 --> 00:04:58,657
Because I'm the host
this year, and the host
162
00:04:58,658 --> 00:05:00,860
is allowed to pick
one guest competitor.
163
00:05:00,861 --> 00:05:02,578
I mean, uh, generally they're...
164
00:05:02,579 --> 00:05:04,830
they're a lot richer
and cleaner than you,
165
00:05:04,831 --> 00:05:07,199
but I-I only had this idea
a couple of hours ago,
166
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,752
so, well, here we are. As far
as those guys are concerned,
167
00:05:09,753 --> 00:05:12,872
you're my wealthy, woolly buddy.
Uh, listen, sorry,
168
00:05:12,873 --> 00:05:15,373
but I'm supposed to go
caroling with my family.
169
00:05:15,459 --> 00:05:17,710
(grumbles) You keep saying that.
170
00:05:17,711 --> 00:05:19,378
It's so strange.
171
00:05:19,379 --> 00:05:21,130
Hey, what if
you don't have to pay
172
00:05:21,131 --> 00:05:22,380
the rent next month?
Huh.
173
00:05:22,432 --> 00:05:24,016
Mm-hmm.
We could use the money
174
00:05:24,017 --> 00:05:25,885
to get better Christmas
presents for the kids.
175
00:05:25,886 --> 00:05:27,720
That's not what I'd do,
but sure.
176
00:05:27,721 --> 00:05:29,271
Okay. Okay, I-I'll do it.
177
00:05:29,272 --> 00:05:30,723
Fantastic! And...
and you're okay
178
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:32,441
with being killed when you lose?
179
00:05:32,442 --> 00:05:34,226
What?
Oh, I'm just kidding.
180
00:05:34,227 --> 00:05:35,811
Ha. Ha.
Ha. Or am I?
181
00:05:35,812 --> 00:05:38,714
(laughs) I am.
182
00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:43,434
Mr. Fischoeder wants you to lose
a gingerbread house contest?
183
00:05:43,435 --> 00:05:45,186
But we need
your beautiful soprano voice.
184
00:05:45,187 --> 00:05:46,738
We need it to do the song
185
00:05:46,739 --> 00:05:48,173
"You Can't Spell
Christmas Without Us."
186
00:05:48,174 --> 00:05:49,908
It's a classic.
187
00:05:49,909 --> 00:05:52,227
I mean, I'm not a soprano,
but if I do this,
188
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:53,778
we won't have to pay rent
next month.
189
00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:55,396
(quietly): And we can
use that money to buy
190
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:57,614
you-know-whats
for the you-know-whos.
191
00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:59,033
(quietly):
Who are the you-know-whos?
192
00:05:59,034 --> 00:06:00,451
(whispers): Yeah, who are they?
193
00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:02,569
Hey, Whispering Willies,
I'm going with Dad.
194
00:06:02,655 --> 00:06:05,323
I want to see this gingerbread
competition madness.
195
00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:07,242
Me, too.
Yeah, Dad, we could cheer you on.
196
00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:09,210
Like "Dad, Dad, he's our man.
197
00:06:09,211 --> 00:06:11,161
If he can't do it, that's good."
198
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:12,831
No, kids.
Y-You go with your mom.
199
00:06:12,832 --> 00:06:15,082
Caroling will be... fun, too.
200
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,968
Okay, well, sold me.
201
00:06:16,969 --> 00:06:19,053
I bought it.
Kids, I want you to know
202
00:06:19,054 --> 00:06:21,339
I'm not trying to replace
your father while we're caroling.
203
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,675
But if you so choose,
you may call me Caroling Dad.
204
00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:25,260
Thanks, Teddy.
All right.
205
00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,178
Well, we'll go caroling
around this neighborhood
206
00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:29,180
and then we'll meet you back here,
Bob. Okay.
207
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,565
Good luck losing, Dad!
208
00:06:30,566 --> 00:06:31,766
You're in your element.
209
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,734
Do I, uh, look all right?
210
00:06:33,819 --> 00:06:35,486
Yeah. I mean, there's nothing
we can do about your face.
211
00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:37,155
And your hair.
Hmm.
212
00:06:37,156 --> 00:06:39,356
So, how-how do you want me to lose?
Simple.
213
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,609
If your house falls down,
it's disqualified.
214
00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:44,245
So, just build it really tall
and extremely unstable,
215
00:06:44,246 --> 00:06:46,247
like-like,
some of my properties.
216
00:06:46,248 --> 00:06:47,582
What? Well, (clears throat)
217
00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:49,033
Not your place.
(chuckles)
218
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:51,502
Yeah, you're fine.
Anyway, right before the end,
219
00:06:51,503 --> 00:06:53,037
down goes your house,
the judge declares a winner
220
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,839
and a loser,
which won't be me, and bing.
221
00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:55,924
It's over.
(opens door)
222
00:06:55,925 --> 00:06:57,207
The judge? What-what judge?
223
00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,710
Godfrey... the same
guy who's been
224
00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:00,231
judging this thing
since the beginning.
225
00:07:00,262 --> 00:07:01,963
BOB: Wow. He is old.
226
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,547
Is he alive?
227
00:07:03,599 --> 00:07:04,849
That's a good question.
Let's find out.
228
00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:05,884
(yelling): Godfrey!
229
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:07,051
(shrieks) There he is.
230
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:08,185
(shrieks)
231
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,220
Now, let's introduce everyone.
232
00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:10,221
This is August Scharffenheimer.
233
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:11,521
We all call him Auggie.
234
00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,558
(German accent):
I do not like it.
235
00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,727
And this is downtown
Randolph Brackenbrown.
236
00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:16,895
BOB: Wow, You are
237
00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:19,197
really arching your eyebrow.
238
00:07:19,198 --> 00:07:20,982
Yes, I'm in fierce
competition mode.
239
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,400
Also, it's a medical thing.
240
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,035
I can't always lower it
241
00:07:24,036 --> 00:07:25,702
(straining): when I want to.
242
00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:26,737
And finally,
243
00:07:26,739 --> 00:07:28,373
Samuel Summerbottom.
244
00:07:28,374 --> 00:07:30,625
I like my houses
like I like my women...
245
00:07:30,626 --> 00:07:32,543
sturdy and ginger.
246
00:07:32,544 --> 00:07:34,662
Okay. And Bob,
as you know, I'm Felix,
247
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,130
and I'm not jealous
of you at all.
248
00:07:36,131 --> 00:07:38,166
(laughs) Isn't that nice?
249
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:40,751
So, Bob, just put your guns on
the gun table, and we can begin.
250
00:07:40,803 --> 00:07:43,254
Oh, I, I didn't bring any guns.
251
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,922
No guns. Okay.
Interesting. Well,
252
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,641
let's get started.
Haven't you forgotten something?
253
00:07:47,726 --> 00:07:49,727
We can't really start
until last year's loser
254
00:07:49,728 --> 00:07:51,428
puts on the loser hat.
255
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,680
(groans)
256
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:54,682
Calvin has to wear it
every year.
257
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,067
It's an old bed pan.
258
00:07:56,068 --> 00:07:57,935
It's very shameful.
(laughs)
259
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,604
(mocking laughter) BOB: Yikes.
260
00:08:00,656 --> 00:08:02,439
♪ ♪
261
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,609
Wow. Mr. Fischoeder's
neighborhood
262
00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:06,110
really is beautiful.
263
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,445
Yeah.
(whistles)
264
00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:09,330
Whoa, except for
that poor thing.
265
00:08:09,331 --> 00:08:11,653
LINDA: Oh yeah, what's going on
with that? Ugh.
266
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,451
Oh, man, I know that place.
267
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,920
I've heard crazy stories
about the guy that lives there.
268
00:08:15,921 --> 00:08:18,255
Stories not suitable
for children.
269
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:19,624
Like what, Teddy?
Okay, I'll tell you.
270
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,624
See all those bedsheets
271
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:21,925
up in the windows?
272
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:22,961
He puts those up there
273
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:24,595
to hide his evil deeds.
274
00:08:24,596 --> 00:08:26,297
Bathroom stuff?
Murder!
275
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:27,966
Huh. His parents used
to live there with him.
276
00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:29,633
But where are they now?
Florida?
277
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,719
Murdered! A delivery man
went in there once,
278
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,971
never came out.
What happened to him?
279
00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,640
They got married?
Murdered!
280
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,725
Aah... They say he buried
them all in the backyard,
281
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:39,527
and then he just went
right on murdering.
282
00:08:39,528 --> 00:08:42,195
Murder, murder, murder, murder,
murder... hello, sir... murder!
283
00:08:42,281 --> 00:08:44,531
All right, Teddy, you convinced
me, let's go there.
284
00:08:44,616 --> 00:08:46,366
No! What? The murder!
The murder part.
285
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:48,786
Teddy, stop with your stories.
You're ruining the vibe.
286
00:08:48,787 --> 00:08:51,205
Come on, let's go carol
the crap out of this place!
287
00:08:51,206 --> 00:08:54,826
Yeah! I came here for hot
chocolate, not not chocolate.
288
00:08:54,827 --> 00:08:56,743
FISCHOEDER:
I got to say, gentlemen,
289
00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:58,329
I'm feeling good
about this year.
290
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,714
Tell that to your potty head.
291
00:08:59,715 --> 00:09:01,915
Ha! Classic ginger boom.
292
00:09:02,001 --> 00:09:03,584
Ha, ha, ha. Felix!
293
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,802
I need more frosting.
294
00:09:04,803 --> 00:09:06,541
Coming! Here we go.
295
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:07,839
Frosting, Calvin?
296
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,256
More like losting.
297
00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,808
Ha! Another incredible
ginger boom.
298
00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,011
(nervous laughs)
299
00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:15,897
Uh, look at Bob...
300
00:09:15,898 --> 00:09:17,265
that's bad, right?
301
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,566
His whole deal? Ugh!
302
00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:20,818
Uh. Okay. So, what's, uh,
303
00:09:20,819 --> 00:09:22,770
everybody's Christmas plans?
304
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,739
I was going to buy an island
and flip it. Literally.
305
00:09:25,824 --> 00:09:27,408
I'm going to have my cash
washed and waxed.
306
00:09:27,409 --> 00:09:28,859
It really needs it.
307
00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,445
I'm going to treat myself
to a new penis.
308
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:34,532
Okay. So... no one's spending it
with family?
309
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:36,117
No way. Ha. Nope. No.
310
00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,086
Wait, what about
your brother, Felix?
311
00:09:38,087 --> 00:09:40,004
Oh, right. Him.
312
00:09:40,005 --> 00:09:42,957
Oh, uh, look! I have this,
uh, extra plate under my arm.
313
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:44,459
Maybe I could just,
uh, join you guys...
314
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,676
Felix, no!
315
00:09:45,677 --> 00:09:47,128
All right, here I go.
316
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:49,213
Oh, I can't wait
for that prize to be mine.
317
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,377
There's a prize?
318
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:51,966
You didn't know? We chipped in
319
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,768
and made
an obscenely large donation
320
00:09:53,769 --> 00:09:56,020
to the Bog Harbor Zoo to procure
321
00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:58,356
a private Christmas Day
cuddle session
322
00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,690
with Amity the albino
polar bear cub.
323
00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:02,764
He's the "it" bear right now.
324
00:10:02,778 --> 00:10:04,027
He's so fuzzy.
325
00:10:04,063 --> 00:10:05,646
Wow. My kids would love that.
326
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,065
Why?
Uh, because...
327
00:10:07,066 --> 00:10:09,067
kids love baby animals?
328
00:10:09,068 --> 00:10:11,285
I don't think that's right.
Uh, they, they do.
329
00:10:11,286 --> 00:10:13,787
Why do you guys want
to cuddle a polar bear?
330
00:10:13,872 --> 00:10:15,907
An albino polar bear cub cuddle
331
00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:18,209
is a very prestigious
cuddle, Bob.
332
00:10:18,210 --> 00:10:21,079
I've cuddled a rhino baby,
a tiger baby,
333
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,331
and now I may cuddle
an albino polar bear baby.
334
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,250
That's such a good
order to do it in.
335
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,419
Thank you.
Pay no attention to Bob, everybody.
336
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,171
He's not smart...
ginger boom.
337
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,140
He's also pear-shaped...
ginger boom.
338
00:10:32,141 --> 00:10:35,226
If a pear could be dumb
and bad at things.
339
00:10:35,227 --> 00:10:36,727
Ha, ha. You know what I mean?
(chortles)
340
00:10:36,728 --> 00:10:39,147
A dumb pear.
Pears are the worst.
341
00:10:39,148 --> 00:10:42,399
(singing "Deck the Halls")
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la. ♪
342
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,684
Okay. Thank you.
343
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,186
And we will take
our hot cocoa now.
344
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,603
So, thank you.
345
00:10:46,655 --> 00:10:48,940
Sorry, I don't have any.
BOTH: What?!
346
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:50,525
Cider?
No.
347
00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:51,776
Cinnamon?
Afraid not.
348
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,110
What about hot cocoa?
349
00:10:53,195 --> 00:10:54,361
Again, no.
350
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,413
Damn it!
Then we don't have
351
00:10:55,414 --> 00:10:57,081
any caroling for you, pal.
352
00:10:57,082 --> 00:10:58,616
Well, I mean,
you already did it.
353
00:10:58,617 --> 00:11:00,947
Oh, did we?
Yeah, we did.
354
00:11:00,953 --> 00:11:03,616
(out of sync): ♪ Fa la la la la
la la la la ♪
355
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,122
Okay, good night, then.
356
00:11:05,174 --> 00:11:06,786
No, no, no, no.
Now you join in.
357
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,292
Oh, uh...
358
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:11,045
♪ Hark, the angel Harold sings ♪
359
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,379
Grab your coats.
Come on out.
360
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,298
Whoops, the door is closing.
361
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,516
♪ About all
the Christmas things ♪
362
00:11:16,602 --> 00:11:18,469
Okay, bye-bye, then.
Everybody.
363
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,972
♪ Peace on earth
and salsa mild ♪
364
00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:23,640
♪ La la la la ♪ MAN: Uh, great.
365
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:26,444
Wait. Come with us.
Join our Christmas Crusade!
366
00:11:26,445 --> 00:11:29,229
I just want to shut this on you.
367
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,481
Unh. Aw, sugar plumbs!
(lights sizzle)
368
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:34,118
Um, where are all
the candy wafers?
369
00:11:34,119 --> 00:11:35,903
Auggie, you're
hogging them aren't you?
370
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,538
You're a hoggie Auggie.
371
00:11:37,539 --> 00:11:40,458
Look who's talking, Mr. Too
Many Jelly Fruit Slices.
372
00:11:40,459 --> 00:11:42,959
Samuel, what are you building
with those mini marshmallows?
373
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:44,328
Oh, just a mini snowman.
374
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,047
Damn, that's brilliant.
375
00:11:46,048 --> 00:11:48,332
So you're just sticking
peppermints everywhere, then?
376
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:52,052
Uh, yeah. It's uh,
some ornamental filigree.
377
00:11:52,137 --> 00:11:54,504
Bob, I got to say
your gingerbread scoring
378
00:11:54,556 --> 00:11:56,724
is exquisite.
Oh, uh, thank you.
379
00:11:56,725 --> 00:11:58,892
You just got to
be firm but gentle.
380
00:11:58,977 --> 00:12:00,677
Show us.
Um, okay.
381
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,002
I don't think that's necessary.
382
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,513
Potty head, shush.
Mmm...
383
00:12:03,565 --> 00:12:05,600
Ah, so firm but so gentle.
384
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,568
Uh-huh.
And does your big fat belly
385
00:12:07,569 --> 00:12:09,187
get in the way, Bob?
386
00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:10,905
Uh, no, it-it doesn't.
387
00:12:10,906 --> 00:12:12,523
And what about
your body odor, Bob?
388
00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,108
Do you find that distracting?
389
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,942
I mean, it's like
your armpits threw up.
390
00:12:16,028 --> 00:12:16,860
Whoa!
Oh, my.
391
00:12:16,912 --> 00:12:18,278
Uh, okay, easy.
392
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,364
You smell like
a stevedore's shorts.
393
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:21,698
You smell like failure.
394
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:23,416
Like stinky failure farts.
395
00:12:23,502 --> 00:12:25,203
Okay, that's it. Calvin,
can I have a word with you
396
00:12:25,204 --> 00:12:26,704
in the other room?
Sure.
397
00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:29,040
Look, I'm doing you
a favor, Mr. Fischoeder.
398
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,208
You can't treat me like this.
399
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,375
What's the matter, Bob,
400
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:32,543
can't handle my garbage mouth?
401
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,844
You mean trash talk?
402
00:12:33,845 --> 00:12:35,012
Trash talk, garbage mouth,
ginger booms...
403
00:12:35,013 --> 00:12:36,347
It's all the same thing.
404
00:12:36,348 --> 00:12:37,548
And it's part of
the gingerbread game, Bob,
405
00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,883
so get used to it.
406
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,133
Well, get used to this!
407
00:12:40,219 --> 00:12:41,552
I'm gonna take you down.
408
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,054
I'm gonna try to win this thing.
409
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:45,022
My kids would love
that polar bear cuddle.
410
00:12:45,023 --> 00:12:46,973
That would be an amazing
Christmas present!
411
00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,059
What? No, no.
We have a deal.
412
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:50,895
The deal's off, Mr. Fischoeder.
413
00:12:50,896 --> 00:12:52,813
Oh, and do you know who's
going to lose this contest?
414
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,399
You are, potty head!
415
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,151
How's that for garbage mouth?
416
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,236
Pretty good, actually.
Wait, Bob, come back.
417
00:12:59,288 --> 00:13:01,380
Auggie, pass me the gumdrops.
418
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,903
AUGGIE: Okay.
You don't have to shout.
419
00:13:04,163 --> 00:13:07,077
RANDOLPH: Uh-oh, looks lik
someone's re-jigger-breading.
420
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:08,663
And with so little time left.
421
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,031
Pretty ballsy, Bob.
422
00:13:10,032 --> 00:13:11,799
Well, I had this
sudden inspiration,
423
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:12,967
and I'm gonna go for it,
424
00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:15,336
since I'm in it to win it.
425
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,337
Ah, that is such
a cool expression.
426
00:13:17,423 --> 00:13:19,674
Think about what
you're doing, Bob.
427
00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:21,426
Oh, I have thought about it.
428
00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:23,010
Well, have you
thought about this?
429
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,679
Ow! Stop pinching my thigh.
430
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,897
Stop putting your thigh
between my fingers.
431
00:13:26,982 --> 00:13:28,850
(grunting) Oh, the thrills
432
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,851
of gingerbread house
competition.
433
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,354
LINDA:
What's wrong with these people?
434
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,938
A bunch of Christmas crumb bums.
435
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,191
Aw, maybe we should
just pack it in.
436
00:13:37,192 --> 00:13:39,193
Go home and drink the kind
of hot cocoa that's wine.
437
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:41,696
Wait, if we're not gonna
get any cocoa,
438
00:13:41,697 --> 00:13:43,197
the only thing that's
gonna make this worthwhile
439
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:45,699
is going to that creepy,
dark house.
440
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,034
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
441
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,669
I-I got stuff to live for.
442
00:13:48,670 --> 00:13:51,038
I have a pair of pants
on layaway at the mall.
443
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:52,340
Doesn't anyone want to check out
444
00:13:52,341 --> 00:13:54,374
this crazy killer?
I mean,
445
00:13:54,426 --> 00:13:56,626
bring Christmas spirit
to this poor guy.
446
00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:58,378
You're right.
Okay, let's do it.
447
00:13:58,430 --> 00:13:59,964
But if we get murdered,
don't tell your father.
448
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:02,216
Fine, go. I'll be
right behind you.
449
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,297
Protecting you,
in the back, where it's safe.
450
00:14:09,525 --> 00:14:12,059
Okay, I'll just ring the bell.
451
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:13,861
Huh.
452
00:14:13,862 --> 00:14:15,934
Guess he's not home.
Hello.
453
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,948
(screaming)
454
00:14:18,033 --> 00:14:20,034
Okay, Bob, you got this.
Ow!
455
00:14:20,035 --> 00:14:22,153
A chance to give your kids
the best Christmas ever.
456
00:14:22,154 --> 00:14:23,571
No pressure. Ow!
457
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,572
Just ignore Mr. Fischoeder. Ow!
458
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,656
Oh, is this not helpful?
459
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:27,625
Hey, where did all the tiny
460
00:14:27,626 --> 00:14:29,326
candy canes go? Auggie!
461
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:32,078
What? I needed them
for my tiny candy cane trees.
462
00:14:32,131 --> 00:14:34,331
But how the hell will
my "candy cripples" walk?
463
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:36,000
Wait, there was one
chocolate Santa left.
464
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,717
I need him.
I need chocolate Santa!
465
00:14:37,753 --> 00:14:40,253
Oh, I may have eaten him.
466
00:14:40,305 --> 00:14:41,972
You son of a bitch!
(alarm chiming)
467
00:14:42,057 --> 00:14:44,841
Aah! Time's up.
Contest over.
468
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,143
Oh, nuts!
469
00:14:46,228 --> 00:14:48,396
Why did we hide
instead of keep running?
470
00:14:48,397 --> 00:14:49,897
I don't know.
I panicked.
471
00:14:49,898 --> 00:14:51,983
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
This is how we die.
472
00:14:51,984 --> 00:14:54,902
I knew it. I knew it was
gonna be like this... I'm sorry.
473
00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:56,520
Mom, you're great in a crisis.
474
00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,989
There you are.
(all scream)
475
00:14:57,990 --> 00:14:59,823
Wait. Please don't
run away again.
476
00:14:59,908 --> 00:15:02,109
Sorry about the knife.
I was chopping hazelnuts
477
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,611
for a winter salad.
478
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,279
You're carolers, right?
I love carolers.
479
00:15:06,365 --> 00:15:08,916
Love killing them, or...
What?
480
00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,451
Nothing.
Okay great talk, bye.
481
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:13,254
No. We are carolers,
482
00:15:13,255 --> 00:15:16,356
and we will sing
for you, right? Right?
483
00:15:16,425 --> 00:15:17,859
Ah, great.
484
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:18,993
Why don't you come
a little closer
485
00:15:18,994 --> 00:15:20,394
so I can hear you better?
486
00:15:20,395 --> 00:15:21,863
LINDA: Uh, sure...
487
00:15:21,864 --> 00:15:23,763
(all muttering)
488
00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:24,965
A little closer.
489
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,634
(all groaning)
490
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:29,136
Boy, you guys are some
small-stepping carolers, huh?
491
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,270
Thanks.
492
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,723
Judging, judging...
493
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,976
Auggie, if I don't win,
it's on you.
494
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:36,143
Oh, is that right, Randolph,
495
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,562
the Big-Nose Crybaby?
496
00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:39,446
What about you,
you Santa snacker?
497
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:40,864
He was delicious!
498
00:15:40,949 --> 00:15:42,700
You are so lucky all my guns are
499
00:15:42,701 --> 00:15:45,285
on the gun table, and I'm not
concealing any weapons.
500
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,987
So are you, mister.
501
00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:48,788
(all three grunting)
502
00:15:48,824 --> 00:15:50,824
Here we go.
Aah, what's happening?
503
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:51,959
We're pointing guns
at each other's
504
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,044
gingerbread houses, obviously.
505
00:15:53,045 --> 00:15:54,377
Come on, Bob, keep up.
506
00:15:54,463 --> 00:15:55,213
Where were you even hiding that?
507
00:15:55,214 --> 00:15:56,414
Let's just say I have
508
00:15:56,415 --> 00:15:57,965
a high butt crack.
509
00:15:57,966 --> 00:15:59,166
Well, if everybody's
doing it, whoop!
510
00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,551
Ha ha. Aah!
511
00:16:00,552 --> 00:16:02,053
Felix, don't you grab a gun.
512
00:16:02,054 --> 00:16:03,504
We're having a moment here.
513
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,306
You think you're
so great, Calvin,
514
00:16:05,307 --> 00:16:08,426
just because you came out
of Mommy's hootenanny before me!
515
00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,595
Everybody just calm down.
I mean, come on,
516
00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:12,896
it's just a stupid
gingerbread house contest.
517
00:16:12,981 --> 00:16:14,982
OTHERS: What?!
Aah! Don't point at me.
518
00:16:14,983 --> 00:16:17,184
Back at the houses.
Back at the houses!
519
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,353
♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪
520
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,655
LINDA: Okay, good night.
ALL: Bye.
521
00:16:20,656 --> 00:16:23,074
Wait, do you know this one?
LINDA: What?
522
00:16:23,075 --> 00:16:28,028
(singing in falsetto voice):
♪ Adeste Fideles ♪
523
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:32,249
♪ Laeti triumphantes ♪
524
00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:36,120
♪ Venite, venite ♪
525
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:40,423
♪ In Bethlehem ♪
526
00:16:40,509 --> 00:16:42,677
Maybe Bob's right.
This is silly.
527
00:16:42,678 --> 00:16:43,928
We should put our guns away.
528
00:16:43,929 --> 00:16:44,762
Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.
529
00:16:44,763 --> 00:16:46,547
Or, counterpoint.
530
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:51,018
MAN (singing): ♪ Natum videte ♪
531
00:16:51,019 --> 00:16:55,555
♪ Regem angelorum ♪
532
00:16:55,641 --> 00:16:59,727
♪ Venite adoremus ♪
533
00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,731
♪ Venite adoremus ♪
534
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,031
♪ Venite ♪
535
00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:09,904
♪ Adoremu-uuus ♪
536
00:17:09,905 --> 00:17:14,237
♪ Dominum. ♪
537
00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,742
Nice pipes.
538
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:18,745
Uh, thanks. I'm Oscar.
Care for some hot cocoa?
539
00:17:18,797 --> 00:17:20,243
Uh-huh.
Yes, please. Sure.
540
00:17:23,426 --> 00:17:24,933
Well, it finally happened.
541
00:17:24,934 --> 00:17:26,184
We finally shot up
542
00:17:26,185 --> 00:17:27,669
each other's gingerbread houses.
543
00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:29,688
I'm honestly surprised
it took until this year.
544
00:17:29,689 --> 00:17:32,273
(laughs) Well, I just got to say
545
00:17:32,274 --> 00:17:35,192
thanks so much for inviting me
to your competition,
546
00:17:35,277 --> 00:17:37,362
where I was almost a casualty
547
00:17:37,363 --> 00:17:39,163
in a gingerbread massacre!
548
00:17:39,248 --> 00:17:41,472
Calm down.
Yeah, take a chill pill.
549
00:17:41,534 --> 00:17:43,201
Y-You know why I'm even here?
550
00:17:43,202 --> 00:17:45,036
Because
I'm Mr. Fischoeder's tenant,
551
00:17:45,037 --> 00:17:47,088
and he said I wouldn't
have to pay rent next month
552
00:17:47,089 --> 00:17:49,456
if I lost on purpose.
He's lying.
553
00:17:49,508 --> 00:17:51,459
Huh, that's actually
a pretty good idea.
554
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:52,793
Yeah.
Innovative thinking.
555
00:17:52,845 --> 00:17:54,344
Really? Well, then, he's right.
556
00:17:54,430 --> 00:17:56,630
Sick of always being
the loser, huh, Calvin?
557
00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:59,217
Yes, I am.
Every year I try,
558
00:17:59,218 --> 00:18:00,802
and every year, a potty head.
559
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:01,936
It's a lot of pressure.
560
00:18:01,937 --> 00:18:03,722
Look, I-I understand.
561
00:18:03,723 --> 00:18:05,356
This time of year can be hard.
562
00:18:05,357 --> 00:18:07,525
I'm under a lot
of pressure myself
563
00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:08,977
trying to figure out
how to give my kids
564
00:18:08,978 --> 00:18:10,278
a good Christmas.
565
00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:11,646
Oh, not that again.
Please, Bob,
566
00:18:11,647 --> 00:18:12,731
I'm talking about real pressure.
567
00:18:12,732 --> 00:18:14,065
Oh, my God.
568
00:18:14,066 --> 00:18:16,534
And Bob's house is
the least destroyed.
569
00:18:16,535 --> 00:18:19,154
So I guess, uh, Bob wins.
570
00:18:19,155 --> 00:18:20,287
Oh, my God.
571
00:18:20,322 --> 00:18:22,323
So, yeah, in hindsight,
572
00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:23,992
maybe covering all the windows
with bed sheets
573
00:18:23,993 --> 00:18:25,660
wasn't the best idea.
574
00:18:25,661 --> 00:18:27,879
I thought I was just
being frugal and creative.
575
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,438
I guess that kind of stuff does
get the rumor mill grinding.
576
00:18:30,499 --> 00:18:31,833
The rumor mill.
577
00:18:31,834 --> 00:18:33,418
People love to talk, you know.
578
00:18:33,419 --> 00:18:35,086
(chuckles) But they don't
always have the facts.
579
00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:37,222
Huh, Tina? Lookin' at you.
What?
580
00:18:37,223 --> 00:18:39,340
Well, Oscar, anyone
with a voice like yours
581
00:18:39,341 --> 00:18:40,341
can't be a murderer.
582
00:18:40,342 --> 00:18:41,509
And even if you are,
583
00:18:41,510 --> 00:18:43,011
you're still okay in my book.
584
00:18:43,012 --> 00:18:44,179
So are you?
I mean, you can tell us.
585
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:45,179
We're cool.
586
00:18:45,181 --> 00:18:46,730
Uh, no, I'm not.
587
00:18:46,816 --> 00:18:48,850
Damn.
You did kill those high notes.
588
00:18:48,851 --> 00:18:51,102
Ooh, Oscar, go caroling with us.
589
00:18:51,103 --> 00:18:52,737
Oh, and we can finally
do the song,
590
00:18:52,738 --> 00:18:54,489
"You Can't Spell
Christmas Without Us."
591
00:18:54,490 --> 00:18:55,773
You can be our soprano.
592
00:18:55,858 --> 00:18:57,574
(gasps): I'd love to.
593
00:18:57,660 --> 00:18:58,943
Great, but no killing us, okay?
594
00:18:58,944 --> 00:19:00,612
(chuckles)
595
00:19:00,613 --> 00:19:02,613
Aah, he's got a chain saw!
No, it's just his mug.
596
00:19:02,698 --> 00:19:04,666
I can't believe I won.
Oh, quit gloating.
597
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:06,583
Hey, does that mean
the rest of us lost?
598
00:19:06,669 --> 00:19:08,952
Yep, you're all tied
for last place.
599
00:19:09,038 --> 00:19:10,121
Well, there's some good news.
600
00:19:10,122 --> 00:19:11,455
We're all losers.
601
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:12,924
This is all Bob's fault.
602
00:19:12,925 --> 00:19:14,676
He called
the competition stupid,
603
00:19:14,677 --> 00:19:16,678
and I just went into
a blind rage.
604
00:19:16,679 --> 00:19:17,962
Same here.
605
00:19:17,963 --> 00:19:19,681
What you said was
really hurtful, Bob.
606
00:19:19,682 --> 00:19:21,716
Yeah, they're called
feelings, Bob, look it up.
607
00:19:21,717 --> 00:19:25,053
(sighs): You guys, I don't
really think it's stupid.
608
00:19:25,054 --> 00:19:28,555
I actually think this whole
thing is kind of sweet.
609
00:19:28,641 --> 00:19:31,059
You get together every year,
you build gingerbread houses.
610
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:34,479
You even donated to a zoo.
It's nice.
611
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,648
I mean,
under that rich-loner exterior,
612
00:19:36,649 --> 00:19:39,818
you're all a bunch of softies
who care about each other.
613
00:19:39,819 --> 00:19:41,786
You're like
a weird little family.
614
00:19:41,787 --> 00:19:43,070
Even me?
615
00:19:43,155 --> 00:19:45,373
Uh, yeah, sure,
even you, Godfrey.
616
00:19:45,374 --> 00:19:46,741
I'm the fun one.
617
00:19:46,742 --> 00:19:48,877
And I mean, it may sound cheesy,
618
00:19:48,878 --> 00:19:50,829
but you know what
the greatest gift of all is?
619
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:53,381
Family.
Oh, barf. Sounds cheesy.
620
00:19:53,382 --> 00:19:55,750
Um, I'm Calvin's actual family.
621
00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:57,050
Just, uh, want
to point that out.
622
00:19:57,086 --> 00:19:58,586
Hey, maybe next year,
623
00:19:58,587 --> 00:20:00,254
we don't even have
to pick a loser, hmm?
624
00:20:00,339 --> 00:20:01,589
That's the best part.
No, we're still doing that.
625
00:20:01,590 --> 00:20:03,174
That stays.
626
00:20:03,175 --> 00:20:05,510
Well, until next year,
gentlemen.
627
00:20:05,511 --> 00:20:07,762
What is that awful racket?
(muffled singing)
628
00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:10,598
♪ Because we can't
spell Christmas ♪
629
00:20:10,599 --> 00:20:13,268
♪ Without us. ♪
630
00:20:13,269 --> 00:20:14,792
RANDOLPH: Should we shoot them?
631
00:20:16,438 --> 00:20:17,988
(laughter, fawning)
632
00:20:19,992 --> 00:20:21,492
No wonder the ice caps
are melting,
633
00:20:21,493 --> 00:20:22,744
this bear is hot.
634
00:20:22,745 --> 00:20:24,412
I changed my mind
about having kids.
635
00:20:24,413 --> 00:20:26,281
I'm gonna have one,
and feed it to this bear,
636
00:20:26,282 --> 00:20:28,166
'cause I love him so much.
637
00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:31,286
He's so cute, but it'd be really
hard to get stains off him.
638
00:20:31,287 --> 00:20:33,370
Ah, best Christmas ever, Bob.
639
00:20:33,455 --> 00:20:35,123
Oh, I want to pet him.
I want to pet him.
640
00:20:35,124 --> 00:20:36,673
Yeah, can we have our turn now?
641
00:20:36,759 --> 00:20:38,176
Thanks again for
letting us come, Bob.
642
00:20:38,177 --> 00:20:40,261
Get ready for the cuddle bug.
643
00:20:40,262 --> 00:20:43,181
You know, Bob,
that family of yours,
644
00:20:43,182 --> 00:20:44,848
they're, uh, they're
lucky to have you.
645
00:20:44,934 --> 00:20:46,718
Thanks, Mr. Fischoeder.
646
00:20:46,719 --> 00:20:48,686
Okay, now you say
something nice about me.
647
00:20:48,687 --> 00:20:50,939
You have pretty... eye?
648
00:20:50,940 --> 00:20:52,640
Sounds like a line, Bob,
649
00:20:52,641 --> 00:20:55,476
but Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Fischoeder.
650
00:20:55,477 --> 00:20:58,112
LINDA: ♪ I can spell
Christmas without a U ♪
651
00:20:58,113 --> 00:21:01,149
♪ But that would break
my heart in two ♪
652
00:21:01,150 --> 00:21:03,902
♪ You can spell Christmas
without me ♪
653
00:21:03,903 --> 00:21:06,821
♪ But that would be a tragedy ♪
654
00:21:06,822 --> 00:21:09,624
♪ We need S and U's
this time of year ♪
655
00:21:09,625 --> 00:21:12,744
♪ Because ♪
656
00:21:12,745 --> 00:21:15,496
♪ Because we can't
spell Christmas ♪
657
00:21:15,497 --> 00:21:19,667
♪ Without "us." ♪
658
00:21:19,668 --> 00:21:23,471
♪ Because we can't
spell Christmas ♪
659
00:21:23,472 --> 00:21:26,781
♪ Without "us." ♪
660
00:21:26,809 --> 00:21:28,508
MAN: Thank you.
45004
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