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1
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:46,000
Okay, you ready for this?
2
00:00:46,035 --> 00:00:47,665
As ever.
Let's do it.
3
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:50,700
Let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?
4
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,400
Who wrote the phrase "No man is an island"?
5
00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:59,400
John Donne? John Milton?
6
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,600
John F. Kennedy?
7
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,100
Jon Bon Jovi?
8
00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,800
Jon Bon Jovi. Too easy.
9
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,900
And, if I may say so,
a complete load of bollocks.
10
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,400
In my opinion, all men are islands.
11
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And what's more, now's the time to be one.
12
00:01:18,635 --> 00:01:20,365
This is an island age.
13
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,400
A hundred years ago,
you had to depend on other people.
14
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:26,500
No one had TV or CDs or DVDs or videos...
15
00:01:26,535 --> 00:01:28,065
...or home espresso makers.
16
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,000
Actually, they didn't have anything cool.
17
00:01:30,035 --> 00:01:31,000
Whereas now, you see...
18
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:33,750
...you can make yourself a little island paradise.
19
00:01:33,785 --> 00:01:36,542
With the right supplies and the right attitude...
20
00:01:36,577 --> 00:01:39,300
...you can be sun-drenched, tropical, a magnet...
21
00:01:39,335 --> 00:01:41,565
...for young Swedish tourists.
22
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,800
Hi, it's Kristina.
I haven't heard from you.
23
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:48,700
I had a great time last weekend.
So give me a call, okay? 'Bye.
24
00:01:48,735 --> 00:01:52,800
And I like to think that perhaps
I am that kind of island.
25
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,400
I like to think I'm pretty cool.
26
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,100
I like to think I'm Ibiza.
27
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,900
There were people who had
a good time in life.
28
00:02:08,935 --> 00:02:11,800
I was beginning to realize I wasn't one of them.
29
00:02:11,835 --> 00:02:13,465
I just didn't fit.
30
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,365
I didn't fit at my old school.
31
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,200
I definitely didn't fit at my new one.
32
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,300
I heard that some kids
got taught by their parents at home.
33
00:02:22,335 --> 00:02:25,167
Mum couldn't do that,
unless I paid her to teach me.
34
00:02:25,202 --> 00:02:28,000
Because it was just her and me.
And she went to work.
35
00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:29,765
She made400 a week.
36
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,965
Where was I gonna get that kind of money from?
37
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,000
Maybe if I was like that movie kid,
Haley Joel Osment...
38
00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:36,600
...I could pay her that much.
39
00:02:36,700 --> 00:02:39,200
But if that meant being good at drama, forget it.
40
00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:40,400
I was crap at drama.
41
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,800
'Cause I hated standing up in front of people.
42
00:02:42,835 --> 00:02:45,400
So, basically, I had to go to school.
43
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,700
The sad fact is that,
like any island dweller...
44
00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:06,000
...from time to time I had to visit the mainland.
45
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,200
This is Imogene.
You can hold her if you like.
46
00:03:17,235 --> 00:03:20,800
That's... Well, okay.
47
00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:25,900
Yeah. Got her. Lovely.
48
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:31,800
Yeah, she's delightful, isn't she?
49
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:33,900
I know. Isn't she?
50
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,300
To tell the truth,
I'm being crap with her.
51
00:03:39,335 --> 00:03:41,600
You better take her back.
52
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,400
She could've been yours
if you got your act together.
53
00:03:46,435 --> 00:03:48,400
Just think of that, yeah.
54
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:52,400
So, the place is looking really nice.
55
00:03:52,435 --> 00:03:54,467
Barney, Barney, Barney.
56
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:56,500
Say hello to Will, Barney.
57
00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:59,400
Here we go. It's the Antichrist.
58
00:03:59,435 --> 00:04:01,900
Hello, Barney. How are you?
59
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,600
- He's lovely.
- Yeah.
60
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,600
And what about you, Will?
Any desire for a family of your own yet?
61
00:04:09,635 --> 00:04:11,365
I'd rather eat Barney's nappies.
62
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,600
Not really. I'm sort of all right as I am.
63
00:04:13,635 --> 00:04:15,165
Please, Will.
64
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,800
What does that mean? "Please" what?
65
00:04:17,835 --> 00:04:19,100
Look at yourself.
66
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,465
You're 38 and you've never had a job...
67
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,500
...or a relationship
that lasted longer than two months.
68
00:04:25,535 --> 00:04:28,067
I wouldn't exactly say you were okay.
69
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:30,600
I mean, I would say you were a disaster.
70
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:34,000
I mean, what is the point of your life?
71
00:04:34,035 --> 00:04:35,100
Bloody hell.
72
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,900
You're right.
There's probably no point to my life...
73
00:04:37,935 --> 00:04:40,100
...but thank you for bringing it up.
74
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:45,300
The reason we wanted you to come here today
was we wanted to ask you...
75
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:49,700
...how would you like to be
Imogene's godfather?
76
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,200
Seriously?
Seriously.
77
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,100
Listen, I'm really, really touched.
78
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,300
But you must be joking.
79
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:03,200
I couldn't possibly think
of a worse godfather for Imogene.
80
00:05:03,235 --> 00:05:05,765
You know me.
I'll drop her at her christening.
81
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:10,100
I'll forget her birthdays until her 18th,
when I'll take her out and get her drunk...
82
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:13,400
...and possibly, let's face it,
you know, try and shag her.
83
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,750
I mean, seriously, it's a very, very bad choice.
84
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,900
We know, I just thought you had hidden depths.
85
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,900
No. No. You've always had that wrong.
86
00:05:24,935 --> 00:05:26,700
I really am this shallow.
87
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,800
Here we are.
88
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,500
You know you don't have to walk me
to school anymore now, Mum.
89
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,300
I know the way now.
90
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,300
But what if I like walking you to school?
91
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,600
Right.
92
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,600
Who are you?
93
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:49,765
I'm me.
94
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,600
And what are you not?
95
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:52,600
A sheep.
96
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,800
Right. And what does a sheep go?
97
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:05,800
Marcus?
98
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,500
I love you.
99
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:12,900
Look.
100
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:14,900
I love you, too.
101
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,300
"I love you, Marcus!"
102
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:29,800
"Love you!"
103
00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,200
Look at him!
104
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,700
While I couldn't accept the offer...
105
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,665
...to become their child's godfather...
106
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:45,500
...I did allow them to set me up with Angie,
a rather beautiful coworker of Christine's.
107
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:49,000
They had, however, being them,
neglected to tell me one thing.
108
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:52,400
There's something you don't know about me.
109
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,200
Yeah?
110
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,500
Something exciting?
111
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,200
I think so, yes.
112
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,300
I have a 3-year-old boy.
113
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:11,000
I wanted to throw the napkin on the floor,
push over the table and run.
114
00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:13,700
Brilliant. I love kids.
115
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:18,000
Yeah. I like messing about with them.
116
00:07:18,035 --> 00:07:19,600
Doing kid things.
117
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,000
I'd have been disappointed
if you didn't have a child.
118
00:07:23,035 --> 00:07:24,700
Why do you say that?
119
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:26,500
God knows.
120
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:30,000
Mainly because it sounded smooth and winning.
121
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:35,400
Because I love kids so much. They're so lovely.
122
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:39,500
What in God's name are you saying,
you idiot?
123
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,500
She can't be buying this rubbish.
124
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,200
But she did buy my rubbish.
125
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,500
And for the next few weeks
I was suddenly Will the Good Guy.
126
00:07:50,535 --> 00:07:53,665
Her kid took to me,
mainly because on our first meeting...
127
00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:57,100
...I took him to the zoo
and held him upside down by his ankles.
128
00:07:57,135 --> 00:07:59,700
I wish relationships
with proper humans were that easy.
129
00:07:59,735 --> 00:08:01,365
You know, you are brilliant.
130
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,665
I came to realize that with single mums...
131
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,765
...particularly ones who'd been badly treated...
132
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:11,500
...and eventually abandoned by the father
of their children, you became by comparison...
133
00:08:11,535 --> 00:08:13,700
You are a wonderful person.
134
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,365
No, I'm not.
135
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,865
But it was hard
to be wonderful all the time.
136
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:23,465
Eventually I began to wonder whether
Angie was exactly what I was looking for.
137
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:28,000
For instance, she was late for the new IMAX
movie because the babysitter hadn't turned up.
138
00:08:28,035 --> 00:08:30,200
I'm so sorry.
It's all right.
139
00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:31,317
That pissed me off.
140
00:08:31,352 --> 00:08:32,400
- You okay?
- Yes.
141
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,465
And there were deeper problems.
142
00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:38,565
She couldn't stay at my place,
and she didn't have a DVD, or satellite or cable.
143
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,900
So we were always stuck watching some crap
made-for-TV movie about a kid with leukemia.
144
00:08:42,935 --> 00:08:45,500
I'm afraid there's nothing
we can do.
145
00:08:45,535 --> 00:08:48,800
Godl Nol Please, please, nol
146
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,900
I was going to have to end it.
147
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,565
But having been Will the Good Guy...
148
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:57,400
...I didn't relish going back to my role of Will
the Unreliable, Emotionally-stunted Asshole.
149
00:08:57,435 --> 00:08:58,500
I'm sorry?
150
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,500
You're breaking up with me? You...
151
00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:04,000
...self-centered bastard.
152
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,300
I can't believe I've wasted all this time with you!
153
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:12,700
You useless, superficial loser.
154
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:19,500
Will...
155
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,500
Then something magical happened.
156
00:09:21,535 --> 00:09:22,700
I'm sorry.
157
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:27,500
I'm not sure this is working out. It's not you.
158
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:31,600
You've been great. It's me.
159
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,900
Well, my situation with Louie and his dad.
160
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:40,000
I'm not ready to launch into a relationship
with anybody new.
161
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:49,300
Yeah.
162
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,100
I'm so sorry.
163
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,100
I think I understand.
164
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,900
You're a wonderful man, Will.
165
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,200
I'd never watched a woman
cry without feeling responsible before.
166
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:09,565
She even wanted me to forgive her.
It felt amazing.
167
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:13,500
Listen, you don't have anything
to feel sorry about. Really.
168
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:17,700
So that was the end of Angie,
but the beginning of a whole new thing.
169
00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:18,665
Single mums.
170
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,065
Why hadn't anyone told me about them before?
171
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:25,065
Passionate sex, a lot of ego massage
and a guilt-free parting.
172
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:29,500
There must be thousands, just waiting
for a nice guy to sleep with and break up with.
173
00:10:29,535 --> 00:10:32,400
Fabulous, sexy, gorgeous single mums.
174
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,900
Can I have Cocoa Puffs?
175
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,700
No, it's not Sunday.
176
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,900
The crying had started again.
And it scared me...
177
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,800
...'cause now it was in the mornings.
178
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,800
She'd never done that before.
179
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,800
I couldn't figure it out. Nobody was dead.
180
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:57,300
She had a job as a music therapist,
which is kind of a teacher for sick kids.
181
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,900
So there was enough money
for food and everything.
182
00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:01,600
Should I get my own breakfast?
183
00:11:01,635 --> 00:11:03,300
No, I'm doing it.
184
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,600
So, you looking forward to school today?
185
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,700
Today, you'll need to effect...
186
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,700
...the decimal point when you multiply it by 10...
187
00:11:22,735 --> 00:11:25,000
...100 and 1000.
188
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,600
"Nothing to do but frown
189
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:35,000
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"
190
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:41,500
Thank you very much, Marcus.
191
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,265
Hi, Nicky. Hi, Mark.
192
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:56,800
- Are you going to Computer Club later?
- I don't know. Marcus...
193
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,300
Madonna! Go on, give us a song!
194
00:11:59,335 --> 00:12:01,200
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
195
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,200
Spice Girls or something. Three of them.
196
00:12:03,235 --> 00:12:04,500
Yeah. Hey, Spice Girls.
197
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,100
You made me lose my football.
198
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:15,300
Marcus, we don't really want you
hanging around with us anymore.
199
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,665
- Why not?
- Well, it's because of them.
200
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,900
- They've got nothing to do with me.
- Yes, they do.
201
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,500
We never had trouble with them
before we started hanging out with you.
202
00:12:23,535 --> 00:12:25,800
Now we get it every single day.
203
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,300
Besides, everyone thinks you're weird.
204
00:12:28,335 --> 00:12:30,100
Only a bit, though.
205
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,500
Okay.
206
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:37,300
'Bye.
207
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:44,800
There you have it.
208
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:49,200
I was having a shit time at home
and a shit time at school.
209
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,365
It was fine deciding
single mums were the future...
210
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:58,400
...but the frustrating truth was
I didn't have their numbers.
211
00:12:58,435 --> 00:13:00,700
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey.
212
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,300
Where did they hang out?
213
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,100
I'm a single father,
I have a 2-year-old boy.
214
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:36,500
I'm a single father, I have a 2-year-old boy.
215
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,200
SPAT.
216
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,600
This was exciting.
217
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:42,265
A potential gold mine of single mums.
218
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:45,400
I could see the beautiful creatures now,
getting roaring drunk...
219
00:13:45,435 --> 00:13:48,400
...forgetting their troubles,
ready to rock and roll.
220
00:13:48,435 --> 00:13:50,765
That was when
I was 7 months pregnant.
221
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:55,100
By the time I had the baby,
he was in Majorca with another woman.
222
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:59,400
Not even the one
he cheated on me with the first time.
223
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:03,200
Well, with me, it was the week before the birth.
224
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,200
He said I'd got too fat.
225
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:10,100
Mine was shagging his secretary.
226
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,000
Such a cliche.
227
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:15,400
I'll tell you one thing: Men are bastards.
228
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:16,600
After about 10 minutes...
229
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:20,000
...I wanted to cut my own penis off
with a kitchen knife.
230
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:23,800
Me.
231
00:14:23,835 --> 00:14:24,800
Yes.
232
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,800
I have a 2-year-old. Ned.
233
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:35,800
He's got blue eyes
and sort of sandy-colored hair...
234
00:14:35,835 --> 00:14:38,000
...and he's about 2'3".
235
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,300
And his mum left.
236
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:44,300
- Really?
- Yeah.
237
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,200
Yeah, I mean,
obviously it was a very big shock...
238
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,565
...because we were so happy, you know?
239
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,200
Sandra's neurology practice
was just up and running...
240
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:59,200
...and then one day her bags were packed,
and my best friend was waiting outside...
241
00:14:59,235 --> 00:15:00,665
...in his Ferrari.
242
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,365
Yeah. You know, the Modena?
243
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:07,400
The one with the supercharged engine,
where you can see it through the back window?
244
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,800
- You got dumped then?
- Yeah.
245
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,500
May I ask, does your ex see Ned at all?
246
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,900
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
247
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,200
Suzie.
248
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:25,700
Suzie.
249
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,700
She doesn't see much of him, no.
250
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,100
How does he cope with that?
251
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:32,900
He's a very good little boy.
252
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,165
Very, very brave.
253
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,650
They've got amazing resources, don't they?
254
00:15:37,685 --> 00:15:40,065
Just the other day I was thinking about my ex.
255
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:44,700
He came crawling up, put his little pudgy arms
around my neck, and he said:
256
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,600
"You hang in there, Dad. "
257
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,400
God, that's amazing for a 2-year-old!
258
00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,700
Is it?
259
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,865
Yeah, he's very special. Very, very special.
260
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:59,900
Sometimes I think, you know,
he's the one taking care of me.
261
00:15:59,935 --> 00:16:02,400
Teaching me the ways of the world.
262
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,800
Sorry.
263
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:10,700
Thank you.
264
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,900
My God, what a performancel
I was even fooling myself.
265
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,100
There you go. You okay?
266
00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:22,900
Yeah. Perfect, thanks.
267
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,465
- Trust me?
- Of course.
268
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,200
By the end of the evening,
I had a date lined up.
269
00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:29,165
Single parents alone together!
270
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:33,500
Single parents alone togetherl
All for one and one for alll
271
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:39,500
The problem was I also had
an imaginary 2-year-old son.
272
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:13,000
The date was a SPAT picnic in Regent's Park,
with everyone bringing their kids.
273
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,800
Sadly, Ned couldn't be there.
274
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,500
His mum had come
and picked him up at the last second.
275
00:17:17,535 --> 00:17:19,100
- What a shame.
- Yeah.
276
00:17:19,135 --> 00:17:20,300
I'm sorry.
277
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,600
- Got it.
- This is Megan, by the way.
278
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,200
Hello, Megan.
279
00:17:25,235 --> 00:17:26,000
Yeah.
280
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:28,650
A friend of mine from SPAT
isn't feeling so great...
281
00:17:28,685 --> 00:17:31,200
...so I said that we'd take her kid
to the picnic, too.
282
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,500
- Is that all right?
- Yeah.
283
00:17:33,535 --> 00:17:35,700
The more the merrier. Right.
284
00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:37,500
Come on, slowcoach!
285
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,265
I hated that SPATlot.
286
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:47,600
Mum's friend Suzie was fine, but now there
was that wally who wanted to get off with her.
287
00:17:47,635 --> 00:17:49,500
Marcus, Will. Will, Marcus.
288
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,100
Hi there.
289
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:53,565
Right.
290
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:58,700
Pile in, everyone.
Look what a mess Ned made of the car seat.
291
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,800
What a shame he can't come.
292
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:04,000
So, what do you do?
293
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:05,600
Me?
294
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,400
There were too many lies
to keep track of so I told the truth.
295
00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:13,700
- Nothing.
- Well, before then.
296
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,900
- What do you mean, before I did nothing?
- Yeah.
297
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,800
I did nothing.
298
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,900
You've never worked?
299
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:26,600
I've done the odd day here and there, but, no.
300
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,400
Crazy, isn't it?
301
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:30,700
It's...
302
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:35,900
Brilliant.
303
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,765
My God, I was going to have to tell her.
304
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:44,600
What happened, in fact,
was that my dad wrote a song...
305
00:18:44,635 --> 00:18:48,300
...in 1958, and it's quite a famous song...
306
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,700
...and I basically live off the royalties of that.
307
00:18:51,735 --> 00:18:53,000
You know Michael Jackson?
308
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,150
He makes a 1,000,000 a minute.
309
00:18:55,185 --> 00:18:57,165
That's 60,000,000 an hour.
310
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,965
I don't make a1,000,000 a minute.
311
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,800
- Nothing like, sadly.
- How much then?
312
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:01,900
Marcus!
313
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:06,000
I was beginning to wonder
if we'd be stuck with this weird kid all day.
314
00:19:06,035 --> 00:19:08,000
So, what's this song then?
315
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,800
If you can live off it, we must've heard of it.
316
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,200
It's Santa's Super Sleigh.
317
00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:16,400
God, please don't sing it.
318
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:21,600
"Look who's coming round the bend
It's Santa and his reindeer friends
319
00:19:21,635 --> 00:19:26,600
"With a ho, ho, ho and a hey, hey, hey,
It's Santa's super sleigh"
320
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,700
I expect people do that all the time.
321
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,365
No, I think you two are the first.
322
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:36,400
Sorry. I don't understand.
How does that make you money?
323
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,665
Do carol singers have to pay you 10 percent?
324
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:42,200
They should, but you can't
always catch the little bastards.
325
00:19:42,235 --> 00:19:45,300
So, how often do you look after him?
Marcus.
326
00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:47,300
Every once in a while.
327
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,400
His mum's a little off-color sometimes.
328
00:19:50,435 --> 00:19:52,765
You call it off-color, I call it nuts.
329
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,165
She's not nuts, Marcus.
She just needs a weekend taking it easy.
330
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,100
We'll have a nice picnic, and when
you get home, she'll be all rested up.
331
00:20:00,135 --> 00:20:02,800
My God! What the hell is that?
332
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,600
My mum's homemade bread.
333
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,500
It looks pretty good.
334
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,700
No, it isn't. It's healthy.
335
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:50,100
You miss him, don't you?
336
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:52,700
Who?
337
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,000
Ned!
338
00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:57,800
Yeah.
339
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,565
Yeah, very much.
340
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,300
He'd have loved this.
341
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,800
I think I killed a duck.
342
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,200
I was only trying to feed it.
343
00:21:12,900 --> 00:21:15,300
What's that floating
in the water next to it?
344
00:21:15,335 --> 00:21:17,200
Is that your mum's bread?
345
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:20,800
You didn't have to throw the whole loaf.
That would've killed me.
346
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:24,700
You the one who was throwing
bloody great loaves at the ducks?
347
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,450
Yeah, he was, but I've stopped him now.
348
00:21:27,485 --> 00:21:30,100
You know, boys will be boys, and all that.
349
00:21:30,135 --> 00:21:30,965
So he killed it.
350
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,100
No. Sorry, I misunderstood you.
The duck was dead already.
351
00:21:34,135 --> 00:21:36,900
He was throwing bread
to try and sink the body...
352
00:21:36,935 --> 00:21:39,400
...because Megan here was getting upset.
353
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,765
Marcus wouldn't kill a duck.
Would you, Marcus?
354
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,700
No. I love ducks. They're my
second favorite animal after dolphins.
355
00:21:48,735 --> 00:21:51,400
They can kill sharks with their noses.
356
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,000
I'll have to wade in and get it.
357
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,400
Listen, I hope it's not some sort of epidemic.
358
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,500
I think we beat the rap there, mate.
359
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,800
Yeah. Well.
360
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,500
Marcus?
361
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,000
Mum.
362
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:30,200
That day, the Dead Duck Day,
was when it all began.
363
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:34,965
That bloke Will just followed us in
and I didn't tell him not to.
364
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,200
Afterwards, I realized that there was no way
I could have been nervous just then...
365
00:22:39,235 --> 00:22:43,100
...because just then I didn't know
there was anything to be nervous about.
366
00:22:43,135 --> 00:22:46,000
But then I put the key in the lock,
opened the door...
367
00:22:46,035 --> 00:22:47,100
Are you decent?
368
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:50,200
And a new part of my life started.
369
00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:51,400
Bangl
370
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:58,150
Jesus Christ.
371
00:22:58,185 --> 00:22:59,400
Oh, my God.
372
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,300
- Will, call an ambulance.
- Marcus, where's the phone?
373
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,400
Where's the phone, mate?
374
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:24,400
It was horrible. Horrible.
375
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:28,300
But driving fast behind the ambulance
was fantastic.
376
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,000
She's conscious.
377
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,100
She was okay in the ambulance.
378
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,700
She was asking after you, Marcus.
379
00:23:33,735 --> 00:23:35,500
That's nice of her.
380
00:23:36,500 --> 00:23:40,300
Listen, you know this has
nothing to do with you, don't you?
381
00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:43,400
I mean, you're not the reason that she...
382
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:47,400
You're not the reason that she's here.
Isn't that right, Will?
383
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,900
Yeah, that's right.
384
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:55,100
I'll go get you some water.
385
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,300
- I can get that.
- No, you're okay.
386
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,300
Your mum's going to be okay.
387
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:08,800
Yeah, I suppose.
388
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:11,865
That's not the point, though, is it?
389
00:24:11,900 --> 00:24:15,000
Right, you mean you're afraid
she might try again?
390
00:24:15,035 --> 00:24:16,800
Just shut up, all right?
391
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:20,600
There you go, warm and flat.
392
00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:22,200
Are you with Fiona Brewer?
393
00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:23,600
Yes, I'm her friend Suzie.
394
00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:26,365
This is Marcus and Will.
395
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,065
She's recovering well,
but we'll keep her overnight.
396
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:34,000
I'm going to get a consent form for Ms. Brewer
so the boy can stay with you two tonight.
397
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:35,200
Right.
398
00:24:37,700 --> 00:24:39,800
So, my place or yours?
399
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,400
Sorry.
400
00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:55,165
Okay.
401
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,800
- I should get back to Ned, I think.
- I'll take that.
402
00:24:57,835 --> 00:24:59,065
All right.
403
00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:01,200
All in all, this was very interesting.
404
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:03,365
So I'll call.
405
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,900
But I wouldn't want to do it every night.
406
00:25:05,935 --> 00:25:06,965
See you soon.
407
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,100
The thing is,
a person's life is like a TV show.
408
00:25:10,135 --> 00:25:12,400
I was the star of The Will Show.
409
00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:15,300
And The Will Show wasn't an ensemble drama.
410
00:25:15,335 --> 00:25:18,100
Guests came and went, but I was the regular.
411
00:25:18,135 --> 00:25:20,500
It came down to me, and me alone.
412
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:23,865
If Marcus' mum
couldn't manage her own show...
413
00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:28,400
...if her ratings were falling,
it was sad, but that was her problem.
414
00:25:28,435 --> 00:25:32,900
Ultimately, the whole single-mum plot line
was a bit complicated for me.
415
00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,600
I got the letter. Thanks.
416
00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:10,600
Oh, my God. I'd forgotten.
417
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,965
You forgot?
418
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,600
You forgot a suicide letter?
419
00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:18,100
I didn't think I'd have to remember it, did I?
420
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,965
Did you read the part
where I said I'd always love you?
421
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,000
It's a bit hard for you
to love me when you're dead, isn't it?
422
00:27:28,035 --> 00:27:29,400
I'm sorry.
423
00:27:36,300 --> 00:27:40,400
I can understand why you're angry, Marcus.
424
00:27:45,500 --> 00:27:48,900
I don't feel the same as I did yesterday,
if that's any help.
425
00:27:48,935 --> 00:27:49,700
What?
426
00:27:50,100 --> 00:27:51,900
It's all just gone away? All that?
427
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:53,400
No, but...
428
00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:57,900
...at the moment, I feel better.
429
00:27:58,100 --> 00:27:59,965
"At the moment" is no good to me.
430
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:03,665
I can see you feel better at the moment.
You just put the kettle on.
431
00:28:03,700 --> 00:28:07,800
But what happens when you finish your tea?
What happens when I go back to school?
432
00:28:07,835 --> 00:28:11,100
- I can't be here to watch you all the time.
- I know.
433
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:16,100
We have to look after each other. The two of us.
434
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,700
Suddenly I realized
two people isn't enough.
435
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,200
You need a backup.
436
00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:25,600
If you're only two people,
and someone drops off the edge...
437
00:28:25,635 --> 00:28:27,000
...then you're on your own.
438
00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:28,800
Two isn't a large enough number.
439
00:28:28,835 --> 00:28:30,800
You need three, at least.
440
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,700
- Three what?
- Nothing.
441
00:28:34,100 --> 00:28:35,900
But I'd had a great idea.
442
00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:40,500
The important thing in island living
is to be your own activities director.
443
00:28:40,535 --> 00:28:43,567
I find the key is to think of a day
as units of time...
444
00:28:43,602 --> 00:28:46,600
...each unit consisting
of no more than 30 minutes.
445
00:28:46,635 --> 00:28:48,967
Full hours can be a little bit intimidating...
446
00:28:49,002 --> 00:28:51,300
...and most activities take about half an hour.
447
00:28:51,335 --> 00:28:53,000
Taking a bath: One unit.
448
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:54,900
Watching Countdown:
449
00:28:54,935 --> 00:28:56,300
Okay...
450
00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:57,700
One unit.
451
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:00,500
Web-based research:
452
00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:03,065
Two units.
453
00:29:03,100 --> 00:29:06,600
Exercising: Three units.
454
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,200
Having my hair carefully disheveled: Four units.
455
00:29:10,235 --> 00:29:12,165
It's amazing how the day fills up.
456
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:14,300
I often wonder, to be absolutely honest...
457
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,100
...if I'd ever really have time for a job.
458
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:19,800
How do people cram them in?
459
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,300
Yeah, Will here.
460
00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:28,600
It's Marcus.
Pardon?
461
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:29,900
It's Marcus.
462
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,200
Marcus?
463
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,200
Marcus. Hi.
464
00:29:35,100 --> 00:29:36,900
How'd you get my number?
465
00:29:37,100 --> 00:29:37,965
From Suzie.
466
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,900
I thought you'd like to take me out for the day
on Saturday.
467
00:29:40,935 --> 00:29:42,800
And why did you think that, Marcus?
468
00:29:42,835 --> 00:29:44,500
Suzie said we hit it off.
469
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,300
Did she?
Yeah.
470
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,300
- And you said, "See you soon. "
- I said what?
471
00:29:49,335 --> 00:29:50,265
"See you soon. "
472
00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:54,100
The night you dropped us off. Remember?
You said, "See you soon. "
473
00:29:54,135 --> 00:29:58,100
This is soon, all right, Marcus.
474
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,400
The thing is, mate,
my life is kind of hectic at the moment.
475
00:30:01,435 --> 00:30:03,400
Why? I thought you did nothing.
476
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,300
I've got Ned and stuff to look after.
477
00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:12,000
Matter of fact, I should be on the way
to preschool right now.
478
00:30:12,035 --> 00:30:13,417
What's that noise?
479
00:30:13,452 --> 00:30:14,800
That's a lawn mower.
480
00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:17,700
So, you know, just time-wise it's not...
481
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,200
Tell you what, just hold the line one sec.
482
00:30:22,235 --> 00:30:23,965
Hold on, one sec. Thanks.
483
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,965
But then I thought, "Why not?"
484
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,050
Why shouldn't I take
the poor little sod out for a meal?
485
00:30:29,085 --> 00:30:32,100
I could be Uncle Will.
Cool Uncle Will, King of the Kids.
486
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:35,465
Okay, Marcus. You're on.
487
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,465
I'll come if you take my mum, too.
488
00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:41,500
She has no money, so we'll have to go
somewhere cheap or you'll have to treat us.
489
00:30:41,535 --> 00:30:43,765
Listen, don't beat about the bush, Marcus.
490
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,800
Why should I? We're poor.
You're rich. You pay.
491
00:30:46,835 --> 00:30:48,600
Bring your little boy, I don't mind.
492
00:30:48,635 --> 00:30:49,900
That's really big of you.
493
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:52,100
Fine. Come round at 12:30 or something.
494
00:30:52,135 --> 00:30:53,265
Remember where we live?
495
00:30:53,300 --> 00:30:57,700
Flat 2, 31 Craysfield Road,
Islington, London, N12SF.
496
00:30:57,735 --> 00:30:59,100
England, the world, the universe.
497
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,900
Yeah.
Marcus?
498
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,900
So, Fiona, how are you?
499
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:15,600
- I mean, how are you feeling?
- My stomach's fine.
500
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:17,600
Great.
501
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,465
I must still be a bit barmy, though.
502
00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:24,600
This kind of thing doesn't go away overnight,
does it?
503
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:26,500
No.
504
00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:33,000
If Mum was going to get Will to marry
her, she'd have to quit making jokes.
505
00:31:33,035 --> 00:31:34,000
At least she looked good.
506
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:35,765
I had her put on that nice hairy jumper...
507
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,800
...and the earrings she got from her friend
that went to Zimbabwe.
508
00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:41,150
The kid seemed to think
this was a date.
509
00:31:41,185 --> 00:31:43,365
As for his mum, she was clearly insane...
510
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:46,465
...and appeared to be wearing
some kind of Yeti costume.
511
00:31:46,500 --> 00:31:49,700
This had better be quick.
We were definitely not ordering starters.
512
00:31:49,735 --> 00:31:51,200
I'll start with the artichoke, please.
513
00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:54,300
Then I'll have a mushroom omelet with fries
and a Coke.
514
00:31:54,335 --> 00:31:57,300
- I'll have the vegetable platter.
- We're vegetarians.
515
00:31:57,500 --> 00:31:58,565
I'd never have guessed.
516
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,900
Steak sandwich, please, mate. Thanks.
517
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,565
This was going really well.
518
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:10,600
I wondered if we were going to move into
Will's place or move into someplace new.
519
00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:16,700
"I heard he sang a good song
520
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,200
"I heard he had a style"
521
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,600
I knew, of course,
the song couldn't last forever...
522
00:32:24,635 --> 00:32:27,000
...that I'd soon be at home, tucked up in bed.
523
00:32:27,035 --> 00:32:29,500
I knew it, but I couldn't feel it.
524
00:32:30,900 --> 00:32:34,200
"And there he was, this young boy"
525
00:32:34,300 --> 00:32:37,500
I must've been insane.
All I'd wanted was a date with Suzie.
526
00:32:37,535 --> 00:32:38,865
This was my punishment.
527
00:32:38,900 --> 00:32:43,200
"Strumming my pain with his fingers"
528
00:32:44,500 --> 00:32:47,300
The worst part was
when they closed their eyes.
529
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,300
"Killing me softly with his song
530
00:32:50,335 --> 00:32:52,000
"Killing me softly"
531
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:54,300
Come sing with us, Will.
532
00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:57,300
I should really get going. Thanks.
533
00:32:58,700 --> 00:33:01,600
That's the problem with charity.
You must mean it.
534
00:33:01,635 --> 00:33:03,265
You have to mean things to help people.
535
00:33:03,300 --> 00:33:07,100
Like the time I volunteered
to help out at a soup kitchen...
536
00:33:07,135 --> 00:33:09,265
...and very nearly made it.
537
00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:11,265
Or the time at Amnesty International.
538
00:33:11,300 --> 00:33:15,000
Did you know in Burma you get seven years
in prison for telling jokes?
539
00:33:15,035 --> 00:33:18,700
Next time you laugh, think of Pa Pa Lay,
the Burmese standup comedian.
540
00:33:18,735 --> 00:33:21,700
We're at a crucial stage
in our struggle for human rights...
541
00:33:21,735 --> 00:33:24,500
...which have been grossly abused
by the ruling junta.
542
00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:26,267
We need your support more than ever.
543
00:33:26,302 --> 00:33:27,865
Together we can make a difference...
544
00:33:27,900 --> 00:33:31,200
You're kidding.
And what's your boyfriend say about that?
545
00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:34,700
Wait a minute.
You say you haven't got a boyfriend?
546
00:33:34,735 --> 00:33:37,100
Talk about human rights violations.
547
00:33:42,100 --> 00:33:44,600
Is that right? You're in the bath now?
548
00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:48,100
You have to mean things to help people.
549
00:33:48,135 --> 00:33:49,765
Fiona meant Killing Me Softly.
550
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:54,400
Killing Me Softly meant something to her
and look where she ended up.
551
00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:00,100
Me, I didn't mean anything, about anything,
to anyone.
552
00:34:00,300 --> 00:34:04,000
I knew that guaranteed me
a long, depression-free life.
553
00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:35,300
Yet over the next few days,
I did have a strange feeling.
554
00:34:35,335 --> 00:34:37,900
Like a presence lurking at the back of my mind.
555
00:34:37,935 --> 00:34:39,600
And I didn't like it.
556
00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:54,800
You don't have a kid, do you?
557
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:56,865
What?
558
00:34:56,900 --> 00:34:59,065
You don't have a kid, do you?
559
00:34:59,100 --> 00:35:01,200
Of course I do! What are you on about?
560
00:35:01,235 --> 00:35:02,200
No, you don't.
561
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:05,600
I've been watching you,
and you don't have a kid.
562
00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:09,800
What is it to you, anyway?
Nothing.
563
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:14,200
Except you've been lying to me,
my mum and my mum's friend.
564
00:35:14,700 --> 00:35:16,200
- Can I come in?
- No.
565
00:35:16,235 --> 00:35:17,300
Why?
566
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:18,400
'Cause I'm busy.
567
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:22,700
- What are you doing?
- I'm watching TV.
568
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,800
I could watch it with you, if you like.
569
00:35:25,835 --> 00:35:27,065
That's very nice of you...
570
00:35:27,100 --> 00:35:29,400
...but I usually manage on my own, thanks.
571
00:35:32,100 --> 00:35:34,200
Don't you have homework to do, or something?
572
00:35:34,235 --> 00:35:36,300
- Want to help?
- No, that's not what I meant.
573
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,600
I meant, why don't you go home
and do your homework?
574
00:35:38,635 --> 00:35:40,065
I'll do you a deal.
575
00:35:40,100 --> 00:35:44,400
I won't tell anyone you don't have a kid
if you go out with my mum.
576
00:35:48,300 --> 00:35:50,700
You'd want your mum
to go out with someone like me?
577
00:35:50,735 --> 00:35:52,165
You're not too bad.
578
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,400
I mean, you told lies,
but apart from that you seem okay.
579
00:35:56,100 --> 00:35:58,800
And she's sad. I think she'd like a boyfriend.
580
00:35:59,900 --> 00:36:01,900
I can't just go out with someone...
581
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:05,365
...because you want me to.
I'd have to like the person, as well.
582
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:09,000
- What's wrong with her?
- Nothing's wrong with her, it's just the system.
583
00:36:09,035 --> 00:36:11,800
That's how it...
I'm not talking about this with you.
584
00:36:11,835 --> 00:36:13,000
Just go.
585
00:36:13,100 --> 00:36:15,000
Okay. But I'll be back.
586
00:36:15,035 --> 00:36:17,000
I'm really scared!
587
00:36:18,500 --> 00:36:22,300
That's the best I could come up with,
"I'm scared. "
588
00:36:22,335 --> 00:36:25,400
But as a matter of fact, I was.
589
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,300
Okay, that's it. Tim, goodbye.
590
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:32,800
- Jill, goodbye. Carol, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
591
00:37:32,835 --> 00:37:36,600
And from me, arrivederci. Bye-bye.
592
00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:46,900
Thanks. See you.
593
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,665
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the game of Countdown.
594
00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:07,800
You remember yesterday, Carol,
I revealed to a grateful nation...
595
00:38:07,835 --> 00:38:09,565
...that our guest, Tom O'Connell-
596
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,600
Yes.
He, like all of us, changes for each show.
597
00:38:12,635 --> 00:38:14,000
But he is such a-
598
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,965
Is that right?
Yeah.
599
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,100
Another term for Hosta, I think.
600
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:23,365
Yes, well.
601
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,600
Named after Heinrich Christian Funck,
who also invented disco dancing.
602
00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:32,600
Yes. I've got all his audios.
603
00:39:09,100 --> 00:39:13,100
Mum, did you always know
I was going to be a vegetarian?
604
00:39:13,500 --> 00:39:14,765
Yeah, of course I did.
605
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,400
I didn't decide on the spur of the moment
'cause we ran out of sausages.
606
00:39:18,435 --> 00:39:20,700
Did you ask me if I wanted to be a vegetarian?
607
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:22,600
What, when you were born?
608
00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:24,900
I do the cooking and I don't want to cook meat.
609
00:39:24,935 --> 00:39:27,400
You have to eat what I eat.
610
00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:31,100
But you don't let me go to McDonald's, either.
611
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,100
Is this premature teenage rebellion?
612
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,000
I can't stop you from going to McDonald's.
613
00:39:37,035 --> 00:39:39,600
I'd just be disappointed if you did.
614
00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,600
Don't worry, Mum.
I won't go to McDonald's.
615
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,400
After a few visits, Will seemed to think
he had to ask me serious questions.
616
00:39:53,435 --> 00:39:57,400
But I knew he really wanted to watch
Warrior Princess.
617
00:39:57,435 --> 00:39:59,100
So, how's it going at home then?
618
00:39:59,135 --> 00:40:01,800
- You mean my mum?
- Yeah.
619
00:40:02,100 --> 00:40:04,100
She's all right, thanks.
620
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,600
I mean, you know, she's...
621
00:40:11,100 --> 00:40:14,900
Yeah, I know. No, nothing like that.
622
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,500
Does it still bother you, then?
623
00:40:21,500 --> 00:40:23,000
Does it bother me?
624
00:40:24,700 --> 00:40:26,200
Are you decent?
625
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:32,300
Every single day.
626
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,800
That's why I come here, instead of going home.
627
00:40:34,900 --> 00:40:37,600
A bit. When I think about it.
628
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:41,700
Fucking hell.
629
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:48,600
I don't know why he swore like that,
but it made me feel better.
630
00:40:49,300 --> 00:40:52,900
It made me feel like I wasn't being pathetic
to get so scared.
631
00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:59,100
I wouldn't make the mistake of asking
about Fiona again.
632
00:40:59,135 --> 00:41:00,765
Marcus was clearly screwed up about it...
633
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,700
...and unfortunately I couldn't think
of anything to say that'd be of any value.
634
00:41:04,735 --> 00:41:07,200
Next time he could talk to Suzie,
or a counselor...
635
00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:10,400
...or anybody capable
of something more than an obscenity.
636
00:41:10,435 --> 00:41:12,600
Shit! It can't be.
637
00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:17,765
November-the-sodding-19.
638
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:22,000
Six weeks before Christmas
and already they were playing the bloody thing.
639
00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:23,600
Dad?
640
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,900
What was your dad like?
641
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,100
A bit sad, really.
642
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:39,300
You know, he wrote one crap song
that turned out to be a massive hit...
643
00:41:39,335 --> 00:41:43,000
...and then spent the rest of his life
trying to write a better one.
644
00:41:43,035 --> 00:41:44,800
Do you ever want to write songs like him?
645
00:41:44,835 --> 00:41:47,000
Is that what the guitar's for?
646
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:49,500
No.
647
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:53,300
So, that's just there to look cool.
648
00:41:53,700 --> 00:41:54,700
Yeah.
649
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,600
I like Santa's Super Sleigh.
650
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,900
Madonna! Come here!
We've got something.
651
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,300
He's getting away, look!
Hurry up!
652
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,900
On Pet Rescue today,
the clever stoat keeps everyone...
653
00:42:25,935 --> 00:42:28,200
...on their toes in Somerset.
654
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:54,200
Hey!
655
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:56,300
What are you doing?
Who are you?
656
00:42:56,335 --> 00:42:57,500
Who am I?
657
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,700
Bugger off, that's who I am! Go on, piss off!
658
00:43:03,500 --> 00:43:05,000
Who were they, then?
659
00:43:05,035 --> 00:43:06,265
Who?
660
00:43:06,300 --> 00:43:07,400
What do you mean, "Who?"
661
00:43:07,500 --> 00:43:10,300
The ones
trying to embed sweets into your skull.
662
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:11,365
Oh, them.
663
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,300
They're just a couple of older kids.
They started following me after school.
664
00:43:15,335 --> 00:43:16,965
Does this happen often?
665
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:20,100
They never chucked sweets before,
they just thought of that.
666
00:43:20,135 --> 00:43:23,200
I'm not talking about the sweets.
The kids trying to kill you.
667
00:43:23,235 --> 00:43:25,400
Yeah, they give me a hard time.
668
00:43:25,500 --> 00:43:29,000
You know, about my hair,
and my clothes and singing and stuff.
669
00:43:29,035 --> 00:43:30,500
And what? And singing?
670
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,700
Sometimes I sing out loud without noticing.
671
00:43:35,300 --> 00:43:36,865
That's not a brilliant idea, is it?
672
00:43:36,900 --> 00:43:40,900
I said I did it without noticing, didn't I?
It just happens!
673
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:44,865
I'm not going to do it on purpose, am I?
I'm not stupid, you know.
674
00:43:44,900 --> 00:43:49,000
My advice is to keep out of people's way.
Try to make yourself invisible.
675
00:43:49,035 --> 00:43:50,300
How can I be invisible?
676
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,700
One machine in your kitchen
is an invisible machine?
677
00:43:52,735 --> 00:43:54,400
I don't think so.
678
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,300
I just try not to think of it, that's all.
679
00:44:00,300 --> 00:44:03,800
It happens, and I wish it didn't,
but that's life, isn't it?
680
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,300
There's nothing I can do about it.
681
00:44:11,500 --> 00:44:12,600
No.
682
00:44:14,300 --> 00:44:17,400
There is something we can do about it, Marcus.
683
00:44:18,100 --> 00:44:19,665
You're coming with me.
684
00:44:19,700 --> 00:44:23,200
I was worried he was going to take me
to the headmistress' office.
685
00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:26,500
But instead he took me shopping.
686
00:44:26,535 --> 00:44:27,700
I don't get it.
687
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:29,365
We're starting with your feet.
688
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:33,400
I can't make you invisible,
but I can make you blend in with the crowd.
689
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:37,500
I don't know how to tie them.
They've got these funny strappy things.
690
00:44:37,535 --> 00:44:38,665
It's called Velcro.
691
00:44:38,700 --> 00:44:41,200
It's a revolutionary new technology.
692
00:44:43,700 --> 00:44:46,800
For Christ's sake. It's not hard.
693
00:44:48,900 --> 00:44:50,900
All right, wait a minute, it is a bit hard.
694
00:44:50,935 --> 00:44:53,800
- Everything all right?
- Yeah, thanks.
695
00:44:55,100 --> 00:44:57,900
Pretty trendy, your old man, isn't he?
696
00:45:01,100 --> 00:45:03,100
There. You think you look cool, don't you?
697
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:04,400
Don't know.
698
00:45:04,500 --> 00:45:08,300
- Do you think I look cool?
- Yeah, Marcus.
699
00:45:09,100 --> 00:45:12,000
- I think you look cool.
- Yeah.
700
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,700
That's it, you got the walk. That's really cool.
701
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:22,200
Brilliant. High five. Yeah.
702
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,600
I was suddenly hit by an extraordinary
rush of well-being.
703
00:45:25,635 --> 00:45:28,400
So this is what people meant by a natural high.
704
00:45:28,435 --> 00:45:30,565
And it only cost60.
705
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,600
I had made an unhappy boy temporarily happy.
706
00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:35,900
And there wasn't anything in it for me at all.
707
00:45:35,935 --> 00:45:37,900
I didn't even want to shag his mum.
708
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,400
Marcus! What happened to your shoes?
709
00:45:51,500 --> 00:45:53,200
They stole them.
710
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,800
Why would anyone want to steal your shoes?
711
00:46:04,835 --> 00:46:06,965
I could see I had to tell the truth.
712
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:10,000
The problem was,
the truth would lead to a lot more questions.
713
00:46:10,035 --> 00:46:11,565
They were nice ones.
714
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,865
They were just ordinary brown lace-ups.
715
00:46:13,900 --> 00:46:17,100
No, they weren't. They were cool new trainers.
716
00:46:17,135 --> 00:46:19,500
Where did you get cool new trainers?
717
00:46:19,535 --> 00:46:21,200
She had loads more questions.
718
00:46:21,235 --> 00:46:23,000
Will bought them for me.
719
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:25,600
Will?
720
00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,300
- The guy who took us to lunch?
- Yeah.
721
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,500
He's sort of become my friend.
722
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:33,665
He's sort of become your friend?
723
00:46:33,700 --> 00:46:36,200
She kept repeating
the last thing I said.
724
00:46:36,235 --> 00:46:37,800
Except she shouted it.
725
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,500
I go round to his place after school.
726
00:46:40,535 --> 00:46:42,865
You go round to his place after school!
727
00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:46,700
- You see, he doesn't really have a kid.
- He doesn't really have a kid?
728
00:46:46,735 --> 00:46:48,800
Can I play computer games now?
729
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:49,900
Where does he live?
730
00:46:50,100 --> 00:46:52,900
He's not there at the moment.
He's out to dinner.
731
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,800
Christine had asked me to dinner
for a pep talk.
732
00:46:57,835 --> 00:47:01,200
You will end up childless and alone.
733
00:47:01,235 --> 00:47:03,100
Both fingers crossed, yeah.
734
00:47:04,900 --> 00:47:06,400
You must have a lot of courage.
735
00:47:06,435 --> 00:47:08,400
Why is that, Christine?
736
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:12,400
Most people need something in their lives
to keep them afloat...
737
00:47:12,435 --> 00:47:15,300
...and you have absolutely nothing.
738
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:17,900
Doesn't that scare you?
739
00:47:18,500 --> 00:47:20,500
Do you know what you want?
740
00:47:21,900 --> 00:47:23,465
Yes, I do. I'll have the steak-
741
00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:27,100
What the hell are these little
after-school tea parties about?
742
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,265
Hi. Sorry? What did you say?
743
00:47:29,300 --> 00:47:33,500
I was just wondering why a single,
childless man would want to hang out...
744
00:47:33,535 --> 00:47:35,800
...with a 12-year-old boy every day?
745
00:47:35,900 --> 00:47:38,900
You didn't tell your mum
that you've been coming round?
746
00:47:38,935 --> 00:47:41,300
- I think I forgot.
- Tell me what?
747
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,600
What are you doing with my son?
748
00:47:43,700 --> 00:47:45,950
Wait a minute. What are you suggesting here?
749
00:47:45,985 --> 00:47:48,165
- I'm not suggesting anything.
- I think you are.
750
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,765
You were suggesting that
I've been interfering with your son.
751
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:56,300
I'm simply asking you
why you entertain 12-year-olds in your flat.
752
00:47:56,335 --> 00:47:58,600
- My God!
- Oh, my God!
753
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,400
What do you have to say for yourself?
754
00:48:02,900 --> 00:48:03,965
Well?
755
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:05,800
Don't "well" me!
756
00:48:05,900 --> 00:48:07,465
Don't "well" me about this!
757
00:48:07,500 --> 00:48:10,165
He comes over uninvited every night!
Do you know why?
758
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:14,000
He's having the shit bullied out of him at school!
And you haven't got a clue.
759
00:48:14,035 --> 00:48:15,965
You send him out like a lamb to the slaughter!
760
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,600
He's been taken to pieces every day of the week,
you daft, fucking hippie!
761
00:48:19,635 --> 00:48:22,165
I think you're being a bit melodramatic.
Marcus is fine.
762
00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:26,400
Strange. Will had it right, Mum didn't.
It should be the other way around.
763
00:48:26,435 --> 00:48:28,065
You haven't had much contact with kids.
764
00:48:28,100 --> 00:48:30,865
I used to be a bloody kid!
I went to a bloody school.
765
00:48:30,900 --> 00:48:34,165
I know when kids can't settle down
and when kids are miserable!
766
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:37,900
Look at him, for Christ's sake!
Don't accuse me of being melodramatic.
767
00:48:37,935 --> 00:48:41,300
- This coming from a woman who tried to-
- Cowabunga!
768
00:48:42,300 --> 00:48:45,100
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
769
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:46,600
I just felt like a shout.
770
00:48:46,635 --> 00:48:48,000
Jesus, what a family.
771
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,600
Will, you're disturbing the other customers.
772
00:48:51,635 --> 00:48:53,667
It's fine. I'm sorry. I'm done.
773
00:48:53,702 --> 00:48:55,700
- Okay, so, you're not...
- What?
774
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:58,600
No, I'm not! No, I'm not.
775
00:48:59,100 --> 00:49:00,765
Listen, don't worry about it.
776
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,965
I won't open the door to Marcus again, okay?
777
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:05,300
I'll be glad to be rid of the pair of you, frankly.
778
00:49:05,335 --> 00:49:07,100
Go on. Bugger off.
779
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:10,500
Sorry.
780
00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:20,900
So that's it, is it?
781
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,800
You're just out of his life, like that.
782
00:49:23,835 --> 00:49:24,600
Excuse me?
783
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:26,750
Let's say you're right and I'm wrong.
784
00:49:26,785 --> 00:49:28,765
Let's say there's this whole world...
785
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:32,300
...that I don't understand,
and somehow, miraculously, you do.
786
00:49:32,335 --> 00:49:34,365
What are you going to do about it?
787
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,250
I'm not going to do anything.
He's none of my business.
788
00:49:37,285 --> 00:49:40,442
- You're a selfish bastard.
- That's what I tell him.
789
00:49:40,477 --> 00:49:43,600
- He always puts himself first.
- But I'm on my own.
790
00:49:43,900 --> 00:49:44,765
It's just me.
791
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:47,600
I'm not putting myself first.
There's nobody else.
792
00:49:47,635 --> 00:49:48,600
Yes, there is!
793
00:49:48,700 --> 00:49:51,065
There's Marcus. You're involved now.
794
00:49:51,100 --> 00:49:53,450
He keeps coming around your bloody house.
795
00:49:53,485 --> 00:49:55,800
You've come into his life for a reason.
796
00:49:55,835 --> 00:49:57,365
You can't just shut him out.
797
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:00,500
You can't shut life out. "No man is an island. "
798
00:50:00,535 --> 00:50:02,400
- She's right, you know.
- Yeah, she is.
799
00:50:02,435 --> 00:50:03,865
No, she's not! She's wrong!
800
00:50:03,900 --> 00:50:05,800
Some men are islands. I'm a bloody island!
801
00:50:05,835 --> 00:50:07,200
I'm bloody Ibiza!
802
00:50:08,500 --> 00:50:10,600
What are you talking about?
803
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,600
Do you want to come over for Christmas?
804
00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:19,300
No, Marcus, I do not want
to come over for bloody Christmas.
805
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,600
I do not want to spend Christmas
with Miss Granola Suicide and her spawn.
806
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,265
I'd always thought
what you did with Christmas...
807
00:50:27,300 --> 00:50:30,600
...was sort of a statement about
where you stood in life.
808
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:34,400
I was going to spend this Christmas
the way I usually did.
809
00:50:34,435 --> 00:50:37,500
Watching videos and getting drunk and stoned.
810
00:50:49,700 --> 00:50:53,000
Before you came,
I was all alone.
811
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,100
It is bad to be alone.
812
00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:58,500
Alone, bad.
813
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:01,200
Friend, good.
814
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,900
Friend, goodl
815
00:51:06,400 --> 00:51:08,000
Now come here.
816
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,600
The good news was it wasn't
just me and Fiona and Marcus.
817
00:51:11,635 --> 00:51:14,200
The bad news was, well...
818
00:51:14,300 --> 00:51:18,100
So, you're Marcus' dad.
819
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:23,900
Yeah, I guess so.
And this is my girlfriend, Lindsey.
820
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:28,900
And Lindsey's mum.
821
00:51:31,900 --> 00:51:33,400
Hi there.
822
00:51:41,700 --> 00:51:44,600
- Thanks, Dad.
- That's okay.
823
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,565
I had to hand it to the kid.
824
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:50,000
He could be enthusiastic
about some truly crap present.
825
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,000
Wow, a tambourine! Thanks, Mum.
826
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:54,800
Isn't that cool, Will?
827
00:51:54,900 --> 00:51:57,565
Yeah, that'll come in handy.
828
00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:59,665
I saw it and I thought, "This'll be perfect. "
829
00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:04,500
Maybe you can perform at that school concert.
Get a pop group together. Make some friends.
830
00:52:04,900 --> 00:52:06,300
Maybe, Mum.
831
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:12,100
When you sing,
it brings sunshine and happiness into my heart.
832
00:52:13,100 --> 00:52:14,500
Thanks, Mum.
833
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:21,900
This one's from me.
834
00:52:29,100 --> 00:52:32,000
Brilliant! What is it?
835
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:33,600
It's a CD, Marcus.
836
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,800
By Mystikal. They're cool. You'll like them.
837
00:52:36,835 --> 00:52:39,000
And what kind of music is Mystikal?
838
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:42,100
It's sort of world music.
839
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,200
"Shake Ya Ass. "
840
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:46,400
Slash rap type thing.
841
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:48,800
Shake Ya Ass?
842
00:52:48,835 --> 00:52:50,365
Is he Moroccan?
843
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,400
I'm afraid we haven't got a CD player.
844
00:52:52,435 --> 00:52:53,400
It's great anyway.
845
00:52:53,500 --> 00:52:57,900
I know you haven't got a CD player,
so, I got you one of them as well.
846
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,000
What a lucky boy.
847
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:02,500
Look, Mum.
848
00:53:02,900 --> 00:53:05,600
- Open yours, Will.
- All right. Thanks a lot.
849
00:53:10,300 --> 00:53:13,100
- Marcus, is this a joke?
- Yeah.
850
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:15,800
It's not bad.
851
00:53:16,100 --> 00:53:19,100
Hi. Sorry, I'm dead late!
852
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,200
- Have I missed anything?
- No, come on in.
853
00:53:21,235 --> 00:53:23,800
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas!
854
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:25,900
Hey!
855
00:53:27,100 --> 00:53:28,800
Long time no see.
856
00:53:30,300 --> 00:53:31,500
Where's Megan?
857
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:36,000
At her dad's. Where's Ned?
At his mum's for Christmas?
858
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:43,565
Yeah.
859
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,900
No. I should probably go, shouldn't I?
860
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:51,000
You could go pose as Santa,
try and shag some carol singers.
861
00:53:51,035 --> 00:53:52,900
Are you a professional Santa?
862
00:53:52,935 --> 00:53:54,100
How lovely!
863
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:56,665
Right. That's it. I'm off.
864
00:53:56,700 --> 00:53:58,365
Thank you very much. It was great.
865
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,100
Suzie has every right to express her anger.
866
00:54:01,135 --> 00:54:02,665
Yes, and she's expressed it.
867
00:54:02,700 --> 00:54:05,000
Now I have a right to bugger off.
868
00:54:05,035 --> 00:54:07,100
Thanks a lot. 'Bye.
869
00:54:07,135 --> 00:54:08,200
Wait!
870
00:54:08,700 --> 00:54:10,465
He's my friend. I invited him.
871
00:54:10,500 --> 00:54:12,500
I should be able to tell him when to go home.
872
00:54:12,535 --> 00:54:14,865
I haven't told Will to go, Marcus.
873
00:54:14,900 --> 00:54:18,100
Suzie's angry and has every right to be,
and she's telling him so.
874
00:54:18,135 --> 00:54:19,200
She's right, Marcus.
875
00:54:19,300 --> 00:54:21,100
Just leave it, okay?
876
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,000
All he did was make up a kid for a couple weeks.
877
00:54:24,035 --> 00:54:26,317
God, that's nothing. So what? Who cares?
878
00:54:26,352 --> 00:54:28,465
Kids at school do worse than that every day!
879
00:54:28,500 --> 00:54:31,500
The point is, Marcus,
Will left school a long time ago.
880
00:54:31,535 --> 00:54:33,767
He should've grown out
of making people up by now.
881
00:54:33,802 --> 00:54:36,000
- That's for sure.
- It's not fair to gang up on him.
882
00:54:36,035 --> 00:54:37,700
He's been better behaved since then.
883
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:43,000
He bought me trainers, he lets me go round
to his house and he knows what kids need.
884
00:54:43,035 --> 00:54:45,865
What?
Expensive footwear and obscene music?
885
00:54:45,900 --> 00:54:48,965
If there's something you really need
then we can talk about it.
886
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:52,600
No, we can't. It's not a discussion,
it's an argument, and you always win.
887
00:54:52,635 --> 00:54:55,500
- Why not just tell me what to do?
- I want you to think for yourself!
888
00:54:55,535 --> 00:54:58,017
I'm thinking for myself! And I want Will to stay!
889
00:54:58,052 --> 00:55:00,376
He's not the only one
who ever did anything wrong!
890
00:55:00,411 --> 00:55:02,665
Remember how we met? Remember why?
Because you-
891
00:55:02,700 --> 00:55:07,300
Because you threw a loaf of bread
at a duck's head and killed it, basically.
892
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:13,700
Excuse me? What's this about a duck?
893
00:55:13,735 --> 00:55:16,100
Are we having duck? Delicious!
894
00:55:18,500 --> 00:55:20,565
Of course we were not having duck.
895
00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:23,500
Instead we had nut loaf with parsnip gravy.
896
00:55:25,100 --> 00:55:27,900
As I sat there, I had a strange feeling.
897
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:30,400
I was enjoying myself.
898
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:33,565
I'd never really enjoyed Christmas before.
899
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:35,900
My mother used to make me sing
Santa's Super Sleigh...
900
00:55:35,935 --> 00:55:38,300
...in front of my inebriated uncles and aunts...
901
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:40,700
...just to get at my dad, I think.
902
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,700
But Christmas at Marcus',
I'm ashamed to say it, gave me...
903
00:55:44,735 --> 00:55:46,400
...a warm, fuzzy feeling.
904
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:50,300
I held that feeling responsible
for the strange events that followed.
905
00:55:53,900 --> 00:55:56,600
First of all, Marcus got a crush on a girl.
906
00:55:56,635 --> 00:55:58,600
Hello.
Piss off.
907
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:04,400
And then, even stranger, so did I.
908
00:56:05,300 --> 00:56:06,865
It was all Marcus' fault, really...
909
00:56:06,900 --> 00:56:11,200
...because once you open your door
to one person, anyone can come in.
910
00:56:11,700 --> 00:56:13,765
On New Year's Eve, I met Rachel.
911
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,465
She was interesting, smart and attractive.
912
00:56:16,500 --> 00:56:20,100
And for about five minutes,
I had her convinced that I was, too.
913
00:56:20,135 --> 00:56:22,200
...things like political events.
914
00:56:22,300 --> 00:56:23,065
Okay.
915
00:56:23,100 --> 00:56:24,500
You in television?
916
00:56:24,900 --> 00:56:28,065
Am I in television? No.
917
00:56:28,100 --> 00:56:30,300
- Everyone else is in television.
- Yeah.
918
00:56:30,335 --> 00:56:31,465
I watch television.
919
00:56:31,500 --> 00:56:34,600
Right, right.
So you're more in front of it than in it.
920
00:56:34,635 --> 00:56:36,500
- In it, yeah.
- Yes, I get it, yeah.
921
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:37,765
It was torture.
922
00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:42,200
For five minutes I realized what life would be like
if I were, in any way, interesting.
923
00:56:42,235 --> 00:56:45,600
If I had anything to say for myself,
if I did anything.
924
00:56:45,700 --> 00:56:47,400
But I didn't do anything.
925
00:56:47,900 --> 00:56:52,000
And in about 30 seconds she'd know
and she'd be gone like a shot.
926
00:56:52,035 --> 00:56:54,500
So what do you do?
927
00:56:56,500 --> 00:57:00,000
I'm sort of taking a bit of time off at the moment.
928
00:57:00,035 --> 00:57:02,400
- Sounds good, yeah.
- Yeah.
929
00:57:03,100 --> 00:57:04,800
Time off from what?
930
00:57:05,300 --> 00:57:11,465
To be absolutely honest,
time off from time off, in fact.
931
00:57:11,500 --> 00:57:16,400
The interesting thing about me is
I don't actually do anything.
932
00:57:19,200 --> 00:57:22,200
- You don't do anything?
- Actually, no.
933
00:57:24,600 --> 00:57:27,000
- Nothing.
- Nope.
934
00:57:27,700 --> 00:57:28,700
Wow.
935
00:57:29,900 --> 00:57:31,100
That's...
936
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,100
Now, Rachel, darling.
937
00:57:35,300 --> 00:57:38,500
East Coast or West Coast rap?
938
00:57:38,535 --> 00:57:39,600
I have absolutely no...
939
00:57:39,700 --> 00:57:43,900
There. She was gone.
There was no more to say.
940
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,000
All rap music sounds exactly the same to me.
941
00:57:47,035 --> 00:57:47,865
Or was there?
942
00:57:47,900 --> 00:57:51,700
I tell you what. I know a 12-year-old
who'd kill you for saying that.
943
00:57:51,735 --> 00:57:53,365
- Really?
- Yes.
944
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:56,100
- So do I, come to that.
- Yeah?
945
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:59,100
- Yeah. What's yours called?
- Mine?
946
00:58:00,500 --> 00:58:04,100
He's called Marcus.
947
00:58:04,900 --> 00:58:07,400
Mine's Ali. Alistair.
948
00:58:07,900 --> 00:58:09,365
And there it was.
949
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:12,500
It wasn't a lie.
It was 100 percent her assumption.
950
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,100
Well, 50 percent, at the very least.
951
00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:21,600
I was in fantasyland again.
But this time it was different.
952
00:58:21,900 --> 00:58:27,100
SPAT was for fun. This was serious.
I acted in self-defense.
953
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,865
We arranged to get our lads together.
954
00:58:36,900 --> 00:58:39,900
Which means
we arranged for us to get together.
955
00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:42,600
Single parents, alone together.
956
00:58:43,900 --> 00:58:46,000
Happy New Year!
957
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:48,900
I was in deep trouble.
958
00:58:50,300 --> 00:58:53,400
And there was only one person
who could help me out.
959
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:07,500
"Shake ya ass, but watch ya self
Shake ya ass, show me what you workin' with
960
00:59:07,535 --> 00:59:09,300
"Shake ya ass, watch ya self
961
00:59:11,300 --> 00:59:15,300
- "Show me what you workin' with"
- What did you just say to me?
962
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:19,300
You heard me, squitty little shitty
snot-nosed bastard!
963
00:59:19,335 --> 00:59:20,400
Sorry.
964
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:22,900
I was singing along to this song by Mystikal.
965
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:24,450
It's a rap.
966
00:59:24,485 --> 00:59:25,900
You like rap?
967
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:26,900
A little.
968
00:59:27,000 --> 00:59:30,200
It's by black people, mostly.
They're angry most of the time.
969
00:59:30,235 --> 00:59:32,600
But sometimes they just want to have sex.
970
00:59:33,700 --> 00:59:34,765
You taking a piss?
971
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,600
'Cause if you are, you'll get a slap.
972
00:59:36,700 --> 00:59:38,165
I'm not taking a piss.
973
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:41,000
I don't even know how to take a piss.
974
00:59:41,300 --> 00:59:43,400
- What's your name?
- Marcus.
975
00:59:45,700 --> 00:59:47,100
I'm Ellie.
976
00:59:47,300 --> 00:59:48,865
Hi, Ellie. Nice to meet you.
977
00:59:48,900 --> 00:59:53,400
Not so fast. I'm not ready for physical contact.
Next thing you know, we'll be having sex.
978
00:59:53,435 --> 00:59:55,365
And where will that get us?
979
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,600
And stop telling strangers to shake their ass.
980
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:01,200
Okay, Ellie. See you!
981
01:00:11,500 --> 01:00:13,000
Hello, mate.
982
01:00:14,100 --> 01:00:16,600
Listen, I need your help.
983
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:21,100
Why did you tell this lady I was your son?
984
01:00:21,135 --> 01:00:22,265
No, I didn't tell her.
985
01:00:22,300 --> 01:00:25,300
I told you,
she just got the wrong end of the stick.
986
01:00:25,335 --> 01:00:26,565
So just tell her.
987
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:28,665
- No. Can't do that.
- Why not?
988
01:00:28,700 --> 01:00:33,100
We're really going around in circles here.
Just accept the facts, okay?
989
01:00:33,135 --> 01:00:34,565
You're my son.
990
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:36,750
I'll tell her, if you like. I don't mind.
991
01:00:36,785 --> 01:00:38,900
That's very kind of you, Marcus, but no.
992
01:00:38,935 --> 01:00:41,065
- Why not?
- For Christ's sake!
993
01:00:41,100 --> 01:00:45,150
She's got a rare disease
and if she believes something that's not right...
994
01:00:45,185 --> 01:00:49,200
...then hears the truth, her brain will boil
in her head and she'll die, okay?
995
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,500
That's a load of shit.
996
01:00:52,100 --> 01:00:55,900
I'm really interested in this woman.
997
01:00:56,100 --> 01:00:58,300
What do you mean, interested?
998
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:00,500
What's so interesting about her?
999
01:01:00,535 --> 01:01:02,200
Okay, Marcus, here.
1000
01:01:02,500 --> 01:01:05,400
Here's my last scrap of dignity. Enjoy it.
1001
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:07,965
I want to go out with her. Okay?
1002
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:10,500
I'd like her to be my girlfriend. There, I said it.
1003
01:01:10,535 --> 01:01:13,100
Brilliant! Why didn't you just say that?
1004
01:01:13,300 --> 01:01:15,200
I don't know.
1005
01:01:15,600 --> 01:01:18,700
I was embarrassed or something,
'cause this is a bit new for me.
1006
01:01:18,735 --> 01:01:21,200
I just met her, her name's Rachel. She's sort of-
1007
01:01:21,235 --> 01:01:23,067
There's this girl at school. Ellie.
1008
01:01:23,102 --> 01:01:24,900
I kind of want her to be my girlfriend.
1009
01:01:24,935 --> 01:01:26,600
I'm not exactly sure.
1010
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:28,365
I've been meaning to ask you.
1011
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:32,500
What's the difference between
a girl who's your friend and a girlfriend?
1012
01:01:32,535 --> 01:01:35,800
Well, I don't know.
1013
01:01:36,200 --> 01:01:38,000
Do you want to touch her?
1014
01:01:38,035 --> 01:01:39,765
Is that so important?
1015
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:41,400
Yeah, you've heard about sex, right?
1016
01:01:41,435 --> 01:01:43,000
It is kind of a big deal.
1017
01:01:43,100 --> 01:01:45,200
I know. I'm not stupid.
1018
01:01:45,700 --> 01:01:48,165
I just can't believe there's nothing more to it.
1019
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:52,300
I mean, like, I want to be with her more.
I want to be with her all the time.
1020
01:01:52,335 --> 01:01:55,100
And I want to tell her things
I don't even tell you or Mum.
1021
01:01:55,135 --> 01:01:57,600
And I don't want her to have another boyfriend.
1022
01:01:57,635 --> 01:01:59,565
If I could have all those things...
1023
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:02,900
...I wouldn't really mind if I touched her or not.
1024
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:05,600
Well, you'll learn, Marcus.
1025
01:02:05,900 --> 01:02:08,100
You won't feel like that forever.
1026
01:02:12,000 --> 01:02:13,700
Okay, how do I look?
1027
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:15,600
Good. How do I look?
1028
01:02:17,600 --> 01:02:20,600
Just be as normal as you can, okay?
1029
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:23,100
Good advice for Marcus.
1030
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:24,900
I wish I could have followed it.
1031
01:02:24,935 --> 01:02:26,700
I'm sorry it's such a mess.
1032
01:02:26,735 --> 01:02:28,700
That's where I work.
1033
01:02:30,300 --> 01:02:32,865
My mouth was dry
and my palms sweating.
1034
01:02:32,900 --> 01:02:35,400
I didn't know what the hell was happening to me.
1035
01:02:35,435 --> 01:02:38,065
...manage to tidy up. Ali?
1036
01:02:38,100 --> 01:02:41,000
All I could do was stand there,
grinning like an idiot.
1037
01:02:41,035 --> 01:02:43,900
- Should we just go upstairs?
- Sure. Okay.
1038
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:47,600
Ali.
1039
01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:48,800
Marcus.
1040
01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:50,700
Marcus.
1041
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:52,600
Ali.
1042
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:56,400
You're in my year at school.
1043
01:02:56,500 --> 01:02:59,300
Really? Yeah, I think I've seen you around.
1044
01:02:59,335 --> 01:03:00,100
Great!
1045
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:02,500
Then you guys'll have a lot to talk about.
1046
01:03:02,535 --> 01:03:04,300
Will, this is Ali.
1047
01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:06,100
Ali, this is Will.
1048
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:08,800
- All right.
- All right.
1049
01:03:10,300 --> 01:03:13,600
Do you guys want to hang up here for a while?
1050
01:03:14,400 --> 01:03:16,500
- Yeah, sounds good, right?
- Yeah. Okay.
1051
01:03:16,535 --> 01:03:18,400
For a moment, I loved him.
1052
01:03:18,435 --> 01:03:19,765
Really loved him.
1053
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:22,100
You can show him
your new computer games.
1054
01:03:22,135 --> 01:03:24,000
Good. Okay, catch you later.
1055
01:03:24,035 --> 01:03:26,100
Let's leave them to it.
1056
01:03:34,800 --> 01:03:37,700
If your dad goes out with my mum,
then you're dead.
1057
01:03:37,735 --> 01:03:39,200
Really dead.
1058
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:42,700
- Don't worry. He's all right.
- I don't care if he's all right!
1059
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:44,600
I don't want him going out with my mum!
1060
01:03:44,700 --> 01:03:48,300
I don't want to see him
or you around here ever again, okay?
1061
01:03:48,335 --> 01:03:50,100
I'm not really sure it's up to me.
1062
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:53,065
Well, it better be! Or you're going to die.
1063
01:03:53,100 --> 01:03:57,100
I was getting the feeling
that maybe this kid Ali was a serial killer.
1064
01:03:57,135 --> 01:04:00,100
Can I have a go on your computer?
What games you got?
1065
01:04:00,135 --> 01:04:01,800
Are you listening to me?
1066
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:05,400
Yeah, it's just that I can't really
do much at the moment, can I?
1067
01:04:05,435 --> 01:04:08,600
I mean, Will, that's my dad...
1068
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:12,500
...he likes your mum,
and I think she's keen on him.
1069
01:04:12,535 --> 01:04:14,267
She's not keen on him!
1070
01:04:14,302 --> 01:04:16,000
She's only keen on me!
1071
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:19,765
One amazing thing about Rachel...
1072
01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:23,500
...was that I wanted to kiss her every time
she said something interesting.
1073
01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:25,500
Which was all the time.
1074
01:04:25,700 --> 01:04:28,600
It was sexy. It was weird.
1075
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:33,100
I use Bristol boards, India ink and...
1076
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:35,600
Am I boring you?
1077
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:37,200
No, no. No.
1078
01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:40,500
- What?
- Nothing.
1079
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:43,400
It's just you looked like Marcus just then.
1080
01:04:44,300 --> 01:04:45,100
Did I?
1081
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:48,700
I think it's sweet how much
he seems to take after you...
1082
01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:51,900
...and the way he dresses like you, as well.
1083
01:04:52,300 --> 01:04:56,000
I don't think I dress like Marcus, really.
1084
01:04:59,300 --> 01:05:00,300
Marcus?
1085
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:07,100
Wait! Hang on. Hang on.
Come on, we're going back.
1086
01:05:07,135 --> 01:05:09,565
- He's off his head.
- No, he's not.
1087
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:13,800
He said he'd cut me up into little pieces
and hide me under the floorboards.
1088
01:05:13,835 --> 01:05:16,665
- He did?
- No.
1089
01:05:16,700 --> 01:05:18,465
But I'm sure he's capable of it.
1090
01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:20,600
It'll be different. You'll like it, I promise.
1091
01:05:20,635 --> 01:05:23,800
Marcus, Ali has something to say to you.
1092
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,400
Doesn't he?
1093
01:05:28,700 --> 01:05:30,100
Sorry, Marcus.
1094
01:05:31,300 --> 01:05:33,600
I didn't mean to say those things.
1095
01:05:34,100 --> 01:05:35,400
It's okay, Ali.
1096
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:39,700
Ali finds all this very difficult.
1097
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,100
Yeah, so does Marcus.
1098
01:05:43,900 --> 01:05:45,600
Don't you, mate?
1099
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:48,165
You know, I mean, divorced parents...
1100
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:51,400
...and not knowing
how to feel about new people.
1101
01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:56,500
Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely the way I feel.
1102
01:05:56,700 --> 01:05:59,500
Ali didn't get along
with the last bloke I went out with.
1103
01:05:59,535 --> 01:06:01,600
- He was a liar!
- All right, darling.
1104
01:06:02,400 --> 01:06:04,600
He wasn't 100 percent good news.
1105
01:06:05,000 --> 01:06:08,900
- I'm not saying that you and I are.
- That's okay.
1106
01:06:08,935 --> 01:06:11,300
He fancies you. He told me.
1107
01:06:14,500 --> 01:06:16,900
- Thanks a lot, mate.
- Oh, dear.
1108
01:06:16,935 --> 01:06:18,400
Cheers, mate.
1109
01:06:21,700 --> 01:06:24,200
Don't look so worried, sweetheart.
1110
01:06:25,900 --> 01:06:26,800
Ellie!
1111
01:06:26,900 --> 01:06:29,200
- Marcus? What, are you stalking me?
- No.
1112
01:06:29,235 --> 01:06:31,465
Too bad. Made me feel like a celebrity.
1113
01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:34,700
Yeah, but I didn't know that then, did I, sexy?
1114
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:38,465
All I'm saying is, you know, watch out.
1115
01:06:38,500 --> 01:06:42,600
It just looks a bit more like owner and pet
than boyfriend and girlfriend.
1116
01:06:42,635 --> 01:06:44,017
At least I'm honest.
1117
01:06:44,052 --> 01:06:45,365
What does that mean?
1118
01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:47,800
It's just that you and Rachel...
1119
01:06:48,500 --> 01:06:51,400
What? What does that mean?
1120
01:06:51,700 --> 01:06:54,765
I don't know,
I think there's a problem with you and Rachel.
1121
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:58,600
I mean, like, you want to be with her
but she thinks you have a son.
1122
01:06:58,700 --> 01:06:59,700
And you don't.
1123
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:01,765
If you're going to be with someone...
1124
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,400
...shouldn't you tell them things like that?
1125
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:06,100
No.
1126
01:07:06,400 --> 01:07:08,900
I mean, you know, like the truth.
1127
01:07:10,300 --> 01:07:12,100
What's wrong with you?
1128
01:07:12,700 --> 01:07:15,800
But later that night,
when I was on my own...
1129
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:19,100
...I remembered the deal
Marcus was prepared to strike.
1130
01:07:20,200 --> 01:07:22,500
Yes, I wanted to touch Rachel.
1131
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:25,900
But at this moment, if I had the choice...
1132
01:07:26,100 --> 01:07:29,500
...I'd settle for the less and the more
that Marcus wanted.
1133
01:07:30,100 --> 01:07:32,500
Jesus, was I turning into Marcus?
1134
01:07:32,535 --> 01:07:34,900
Would he be buying me shoes soon?
1135
01:07:35,900 --> 01:07:39,200
I took his advice and told Rachel the truth.
1136
01:07:40,100 --> 01:07:42,100
Or very nearly the truth.
1137
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:45,000
That I wasn't Marcus' natural father.
1138
01:07:46,100 --> 01:07:47,800
And that is not natural seaweed.
1139
01:07:47,900 --> 01:07:51,700
The problem was, once I told the truth,
I knew there'd be more questions.
1140
01:07:51,735 --> 01:07:54,165
I don't get it. If you're not his natural father...
1141
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:58,400
...and you don't live with him,
then how is he your son?
1142
01:07:58,600 --> 01:07:59,700
Yeah, I see.
1143
01:08:00,000 --> 01:08:03,300
It must look very confusing from the outside.
1144
01:08:03,335 --> 01:08:05,600
Tell me how it is on the inside.
1145
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:08,900
It's just one of those long, boring stories.
1146
01:08:08,935 --> 01:08:11,117
Look, do you want to move on to wine?
1147
01:08:11,152 --> 01:08:13,165
You want some Chinese rice wine, miss?
1148
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:18,400
You would like to try,
I suspect, the Panang Paneng.
1149
01:08:19,500 --> 01:08:20,400
Yeah?
1150
01:08:20,900 --> 01:08:22,000
No.
1151
01:08:23,700 --> 01:08:25,965
Tell me about your relationship with Ali.
1152
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:29,565
- Is that as complicated as mine and Marcus'?
- No.
1153
01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:33,300
I slept with his father,
and then nine months later I gave birth.
1154
01:08:33,335 --> 01:08:35,017
Pretty straight forward.
1155
01:08:35,052 --> 01:08:36,700
Yeah. I envy you that.
1156
01:08:37,900 --> 01:08:42,150
I'm really sorry to harp on about this
but I haven't got it all worked out yet.
1157
01:08:42,185 --> 01:08:46,400
You are Marcus' stepfather,
but you don't live with him or with his mother.
1158
01:08:48,400 --> 01:08:51,200
No, you see, wait.
1159
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:04,900
I never said he was my son.
1160
01:09:05,100 --> 01:09:05,900
Did I?
1161
01:09:06,000 --> 01:09:09,300
The words "I have a son called Marcus,"
never escaped my lips.
1162
01:09:09,335 --> 01:09:11,400
It's what you chose to believe.
1163
01:09:11,435 --> 01:09:13,200
Yeah. Right.
1164
01:09:13,500 --> 01:09:15,700
It's me that's the fantasist.
1165
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:19,600
I wanted to believe that you had a son,
so I let my imagination run riot.
1166
01:09:19,635 --> 01:09:21,600
Obviously I played a part, I can see that.
1167
01:09:21,700 --> 01:09:25,265
No! Not at all.
I met you and I thought, "Cute guy.
1168
01:09:25,300 --> 01:09:28,600
"God, if only he had a son.
A geeky, teenage kid, if possible. "
1169
01:09:28,635 --> 01:09:31,365
Then you turned up at my house
with Marcus, and bingo!
1170
01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:36,000
Now I made this crazy link
'cause of some deep psychological need in me.
1171
01:09:36,700 --> 01:09:39,400
You shouldn't beat yourself up about it.
1172
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:42,600
It could have happened to anyone.
1173
01:09:45,700 --> 01:09:50,900
The first time I met you
I thought you were a bit blank.
1174
01:09:53,100 --> 01:09:55,400
But then you changed my mind.
1175
01:09:56,700 --> 01:09:58,500
Maybe I was right.
1176
01:09:58,900 --> 01:10:00,800
- Rachel, listen.
- Yes?
1177
01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:13,100
I'm sorry, you're right.
1178
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:20,900
I am a blank.
1179
01:10:22,200 --> 01:10:26,200
I'm really nothing.
1180
01:10:30,300 --> 01:10:34,000
I don't know what the hell I was thinking of,
I'm sorry.
1181
01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:55,200
'Bye, Ellie.
1182
01:10:55,300 --> 01:10:56,900
Marcus! My man!
1183
01:10:58,000 --> 01:10:59,300
Bye, Marcus!
1184
01:10:59,335 --> 01:11:00,600
See you, Marcus!
1185
01:11:19,100 --> 01:11:20,200
Mum?
1186
01:11:44,500 --> 01:11:49,400
So, if z = 17, does x > 2?
1187
01:11:49,600 --> 01:11:50,900
Marcus?
1188
01:11:52,300 --> 01:11:54,500
I didn't know what the answer was.
1189
01:11:54,535 --> 01:11:56,665
I didn't know what "x" equaled.
1190
01:11:56,700 --> 01:11:59,100
And I didn't know how to help my mum.
1191
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:10,265
And then I realized.
1192
01:12:10,300 --> 01:12:13,065
There was something she said
I could do for her.
1193
01:12:13,100 --> 01:12:17,900
- I'm thinking of singing at the school concert.
- You? At the rock concert?
1194
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:21,800
I don't think that would be
a very good idea, Marcus.
1195
01:12:21,835 --> 01:12:23,100
Will you accompany me?
1196
01:12:23,200 --> 01:12:25,100
All I've got is a tambourine.
1197
01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:28,900
No, I'm sorry. It's suicide.
1198
01:12:30,300 --> 01:12:32,800
I mean, they'll crucify you.
1199
01:12:56,500 --> 01:12:58,300
Mum's at it again.
1200
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:04,300
- At what? Sorry.
- What do you mean, what?
1201
01:13:05,300 --> 01:13:06,465
The crying.
1202
01:13:06,500 --> 01:13:09,000
She sits in the house all day, crying.
1203
01:13:09,100 --> 01:13:11,500
She does it in the mornings, too.
1204
01:13:14,300 --> 01:13:18,900
It's as bad now as it was
before the Dead Duck Day.
1205
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:27,100
Marcus, I'm sorry, mate...
1206
01:13:29,100 --> 01:13:31,000
...I'm a bit busy at the moment.
1207
01:13:31,100 --> 01:13:34,100
You're busy? Doing what?
1208
01:13:36,200 --> 01:13:38,700
- Didn't you hear me?
- I heard you.
1209
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:41,700
- What do you want me to do about it?
- I don't know.
1210
01:13:41,735 --> 01:13:44,600
- You could talk to her.
- Yeah? And what would I say?
1211
01:13:44,635 --> 01:13:46,800
- I don't know!
- Why would she listen to me?
1212
01:13:46,835 --> 01:13:48,400
Who am I to her?
1213
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:51,050
- I'm nobody.
- You're not nobody.
1214
01:13:51,085 --> 01:13:53,100
- You're-
- Who? Who do you think I am?
1215
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:55,465
Who do you think you are?
1216
01:13:55,500 --> 01:13:59,500
You come here uninvited,
you disrupt my life, you screw things up.
1217
01:13:59,900 --> 01:14:02,365
What do you want from me?
This isn't my problem.
1218
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:05,200
I'm not your family, mate. I'm not.
I'm not your uncle.
1219
01:14:05,235 --> 01:14:06,465
I'm not your big brother.
1220
01:14:06,500 --> 01:14:09,900
We've established pretty firmly
that I'm not your father, either, am I?
1221
01:14:09,935 --> 01:14:10,800
But...
1222
01:14:10,900 --> 01:14:12,165
I'll tell you what I am.
1223
01:14:12,200 --> 01:14:16,600
I'm the guy who's really good at
choosing trainers or records, okay?
1224
01:14:16,635 --> 01:14:19,165
That's it. I can't help you with real things.
1225
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:22,600
I can't help you with anything
that means anything.
1226
01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:26,500
You could try.
1227
01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:36,800
You're right.
1228
01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:38,900
You can't help me.
1229
01:14:39,100 --> 01:14:40,365
How could you?
1230
01:14:40,400 --> 01:14:43,100
You're a stupid person who watches TV all day...
1231
01:14:43,135 --> 01:14:44,065
...and buys things.
1232
01:14:44,100 --> 01:14:48,600
You don't give a shit about anybody,
and nobody gives a shit about you!
1233
01:15:17,900 --> 01:15:21,000
Mum said my singing brought
sunshine and happiness...
1234
01:15:21,035 --> 01:15:22,400
...into her life.
1235
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:25,800
So I'd do it, even if it meant mine was over.
1236
01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:55,400
Look, Mum.
1237
01:16:36,300 --> 01:16:41,500
My life is made up of units of time.
Buying CDs: Two units.
1238
01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:45,700
Eating lunch: Three units.
1239
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:50,900
Exercising: Two units.
1240
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:55,700
All in all, I had a very full life.
1241
01:17:05,000 --> 01:17:09,200
It's just that it didn't mean anything.
1242
01:17:21,500 --> 01:17:27,200
"Look who's coming
round the bend"
1243
01:17:34,900 --> 01:17:39,000
The fact was there was only one thing
that meant something to me:
1244
01:17:50,400 --> 01:17:54,200
Marcus. He was the only thing
that meant something to me.
1245
01:17:54,500 --> 01:17:57,500
And Fiona was the only thing
that meant something to him.
1246
01:17:57,535 --> 01:17:59,900
And she was about to fall off the edge.
1247
01:18:17,800 --> 01:18:21,865
Single parents alone together!
1248
01:18:21,900 --> 01:18:26,300
Single parents alone together!
All for one and one for all!
1249
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:31,600
- Fiona!
- Will, we haven't seen you for a while.
1250
01:18:31,635 --> 01:18:32,900
How's Ned?
1251
01:18:33,400 --> 01:18:37,800
Who? He's a load of crap. He doesn't exist.
1252
01:18:38,700 --> 01:18:40,100
Yeah, I made him up.
1253
01:18:40,200 --> 01:18:42,200
- You made him up?
- Yeah.
1254
01:18:42,235 --> 01:18:44,200
- To meet women.
- You're sick.
1255
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:47,600
- Fiona, I've got to talk to you.
- Go ahead.
1256
01:18:47,635 --> 01:18:50,200
No, you know, properly talk to you, privately.
1257
01:18:50,235 --> 01:18:53,065
No, this is a circle of truth.
1258
01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:56,700
Whatever you have to say,
you can say it in front of everybody.
1259
01:18:57,500 --> 01:19:01,800
Okay. Please don't try
and commit suicide again.
1260
01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:07,500
I can't believe you just said that.
That is my private experience.
1261
01:19:07,535 --> 01:19:10,200
Yeah, well, that's the thing, isn't it? It's not.
1262
01:19:10,235 --> 01:19:11,665
Marcus is worried about you.
1263
01:19:11,700 --> 01:19:14,300
I'm worried because he's worried about you.
1264
01:19:14,335 --> 01:19:16,900
Will, I don't have plans to commit suicide.
1265
01:19:16,935 --> 01:19:17,865
You don't?
1266
01:19:17,900 --> 01:19:19,600
Not at the moment, no.
1267
01:19:20,300 --> 01:19:22,600
Great. Great!
1268
01:19:22,635 --> 01:19:24,765
Good.
1269
01:19:24,800 --> 01:19:27,700
You know I'm not attracted to you, right?
1270
01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:32,600
What are you on about?
No. What are you, nuts?
1271
01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:35,400
Right. Wrong word completely.
1272
01:19:35,500 --> 01:19:40,500
But that's something that
we should, you know, talk about a bit.
1273
01:19:40,535 --> 01:19:42,700
The crying in the morning thing, the depression.
1274
01:19:42,800 --> 01:19:44,965
Let's get that fixed.
1275
01:19:45,000 --> 01:19:48,100
That's what men think, isn't it?
What?
1276
01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:51,465
That unless you've got the answer,
unless you can say:
1277
01:19:51,500 --> 01:19:55,700
"I know a bloke in the Essex Road who
can fix that," then there's no point bothering.
1278
01:19:55,735 --> 01:19:56,600
No.
1279
01:19:57,900 --> 01:19:59,700
Well, yeah, okay. I would.
1280
01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:02,900
I'd love to know the name of the bloke
in the Essex Road...
1281
01:20:02,935 --> 01:20:05,000
...because I've got a feeling I'd be useless.
1282
01:20:05,100 --> 01:20:07,000
Will, you're not useless.
1283
01:20:08,200 --> 01:20:11,700
You're here. And that matters.
1284
01:20:12,400 --> 01:20:13,665
Right.
1285
01:20:13,700 --> 01:20:16,100
- Now, can we... Do you mind?
- What?
1286
01:20:16,300 --> 01:20:19,800
- Marcus is singing at the school concert.
- Marcus is singing?
1287
01:20:19,835 --> 01:20:21,165
- Yeah, singing.
- At school?
1288
01:20:21,200 --> 01:20:22,865
It's a pop concert. He's so excited.
1289
01:20:22,900 --> 01:20:26,100
- I want to get there on time.
- Wait, wait. What's he singing?
1290
01:20:26,135 --> 01:20:30,400
"Killing me softly with his song
1291
01:20:30,600 --> 01:20:33,100
"Telling my whole life"
1292
01:20:35,100 --> 01:20:38,765
- What time does this thing start?
- What have you got against Marcus singing?
1293
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:43,300
You know the dream where you're at school
without your trousers on and everyone laughs?
1294
01:20:43,335 --> 01:20:46,400
- What's the connection?
- That will be Marcus, but for real.
1295
01:20:46,435 --> 01:20:49,000
If he sings that song in front of those kids...
1296
01:20:49,100 --> 01:20:51,265
...you can just write him off until university.
1297
01:20:51,300 --> 01:20:54,500
If he reaches university,
'cause he's going to get torn to shreds.
1298
01:20:54,535 --> 01:20:57,717
You cannot stop someone
from expressing themselves.
1299
01:20:57,752 --> 01:21:00,900
He's not expressing himself!
He's expressing you, okay?
1300
01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:03,200
Oh, God.
1301
01:21:04,300 --> 01:21:07,800
What? Jesus Christ.
1302
01:21:08,000 --> 01:21:11,700
You're right. Will, am I a bad mother?
1303
01:21:11,900 --> 01:21:16,400
No, you're not a bad mother.
You're just a barking lunatic.
1304
01:21:16,435 --> 01:21:18,065
No, I am. I am a bad mother.
1305
01:21:18,100 --> 01:21:21,500
I've let things slide
and I haven't been noticing properly.
1306
01:21:21,535 --> 01:21:23,865
He's a special, very special boy.
1307
01:21:23,900 --> 01:21:26,600
And he's got a special soul, and I've wounded it!
1308
01:21:26,635 --> 01:21:29,300
Please, just shut up. You're wounding my soul.
1309
01:21:56,200 --> 01:21:58,500
Okay, you park it.
What?
1310
01:22:44,400 --> 01:22:45,500
Hi.
1311
01:22:46,700 --> 01:22:48,350
What are you doing here?
1312
01:22:48,385 --> 01:22:50,000
That's Ali up there.
1313
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:59,400
He's talented.
1314
01:23:22,900 --> 01:23:28,100
Now that was the Def Penalty Kru
with Murder Fo' Life.
1315
01:23:28,600 --> 01:23:31,465
Our next big act is Marcus Brewer...
1316
01:23:31,500 --> 01:23:34,900
...singing Roberta Flack's beloved
Killing Me Softly.
1317
01:23:37,300 --> 01:23:40,900
He'll be accompanied by Simon Cosgrove
on the recorder.
1318
01:23:43,000 --> 01:23:44,500
Marcus, I can't do this.
1319
01:23:44,600 --> 01:23:47,400
- That lot's going to shit all over us.
- But you said...
1320
01:23:47,435 --> 01:23:51,000
I'm sorry. Here's your 5 back.
1321
01:23:53,100 --> 01:23:54,700
Any moment now.
1322
01:24:08,300 --> 01:24:10,900
Come on, Marcus, you wally!
1323
01:24:14,900 --> 01:24:15,865
Wait! Wait!
1324
01:24:15,900 --> 01:24:18,365
Excuse me. What is going on here?
1325
01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:22,000
Nothing. Everything's under control.
I'm just his voice coach.
1326
01:24:22,200 --> 01:24:23,565
What are you doing here?
1327
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:28,100
I heard you were about to commit social suicide,
so I dropped by.
1328
01:24:28,135 --> 01:24:29,665
- My accompanist left!
- Brilliant.
1329
01:24:29,700 --> 01:24:31,565
- You don't have to do it.
- I can't do that.
1330
01:24:31,600 --> 01:24:34,300
Yeah, you can.
Just tell them: Artistic differences.
1331
01:24:34,335 --> 01:24:36,817
You can't work without him.
He had a drug problem.
1332
01:24:36,852 --> 01:24:39,165
My mum wants me to sing it.
It'll make her happy.
1333
01:24:39,200 --> 01:24:44,400
Look, mate, nothing you do
can make your mum happy, all right?
1334
01:24:44,700 --> 01:24:48,300
Not in the long term.
She has to do that for herself.
1335
01:24:48,335 --> 01:24:51,900
- Get over here right now!
- Just bugger off, will you!
1336
01:24:52,000 --> 01:24:55,650
What I'm saying is, the important thing is
to make yourself feel happy.
1337
01:24:55,685 --> 01:24:59,300
I've tried just making myself happy.
She's tried making herself happy.
1338
01:24:59,335 --> 01:25:02,000
It doesn't work.
You need other people to make you happy.
1339
01:25:02,035 --> 01:25:03,265
But that's just it.
1340
01:25:03,300 --> 01:25:07,150
If other people can make you happy
then they can also make you unhappy.
1341
01:25:07,185 --> 01:25:11,000
What, you think those people out there
are going to make you happy?
1342
01:25:11,035 --> 01:25:12,800
Hang on. Wait. Marcus, don't.
1343
01:25:12,835 --> 01:25:15,100
Marcus! Bollocks.
1344
01:25:31,900 --> 01:25:33,565
Come on, Britney!
1345
01:25:33,600 --> 01:25:35,800
Yeah, give us a song, then.
1346
01:25:42,600 --> 01:25:44,300
This is for my mum.
1347
01:25:49,900 --> 01:25:54,200
"I heard he sang a good song
1348
01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:58,700
"I heard he had a style
1349
01:25:59,900 --> 01:26:03,650
"And so I came to see him
1350
01:26:03,685 --> 01:26:07,400
"to listen for a while
1351
01:26:09,000 --> 01:26:13,000
"And there he was this young boy
1352
01:26:13,600 --> 01:26:16,400
"a stranger to my eyes"
1353
01:26:16,435 --> 01:26:19,200
You're rubbish, mate!
1354
01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:29,200
"Strumming my pain with his fingers
1355
01:26:31,800 --> 01:26:36,000
"Singing my life with his words
1356
01:26:48,900 --> 01:26:52,600
"Killing me softly with his song
1357
01:26:52,635 --> 01:26:54,200
"Killing me softly"
1358
01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:56,800
Who the hell is that?
1359
01:26:57,200 --> 01:27:01,700
"Telling my whole life with his words
1360
01:27:01,735 --> 01:27:07,900
"Killing me softly with his song
1361
01:27:11,700 --> 01:27:15,100
"I felt all flushed with fever
1362
01:27:15,135 --> 01:27:18,665
"embarrassed by the crowd
1363
01:27:18,700 --> 01:27:24,200
"I felt he found my letters
and read each one out loud
1364
01:27:25,800 --> 01:27:29,400
"I prayed that he would finish
1365
01:27:29,800 --> 01:27:32,565
"but he just kept right on
1366
01:27:32,600 --> 01:27:36,000
"Strumming my pain with his fingers
1367
01:27:36,035 --> 01:27:39,400
"Singing my life with his words
1368
01:27:39,900 --> 01:27:40,900
"Killing me softly"
1369
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:42,500
Give it a rest.
1370
01:27:42,700 --> 01:27:46,265
"Killing me softly with his song
1371
01:27:46,300 --> 01:27:51,800
"Telling my whole life with his words
Killing me softly
1372
01:27:53,500 --> 01:27:56,300
"With his song
1373
01:28:02,700 --> 01:28:04,900
"He sang as if he knew me"
1374
01:28:04,935 --> 01:28:05,765
Will.
1375
01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:08,300
"In all my dark despair"
1376
01:28:08,335 --> 01:28:09,300
We're finished.
1377
01:28:09,400 --> 01:28:14,200
"And then he looked right through me
as if I wasn't there"
1378
01:28:14,235 --> 01:28:15,500
Will, come on.
1379
01:28:20,900 --> 01:28:22,400
Will, we're finished.
1380
01:28:30,700 --> 01:28:33,950
So there I was,
killing them softly with my song.
1381
01:28:33,985 --> 01:28:37,200
Or rather, being killed.
And not that softly, either.
1382
01:28:37,400 --> 01:28:40,000
I was singing with my eyes closed.
1383
01:28:40,200 --> 01:28:41,600
Was I frightened?
1384
01:28:41,700 --> 01:28:43,300
I was petrified.
1385
01:28:43,700 --> 01:28:45,600
This was definitely not island living.
1386
01:28:45,700 --> 01:28:49,400
"Killing me softly
1387
01:28:49,700 --> 01:28:53,000
"With his song"
1388
01:29:02,000 --> 01:29:03,900
Thank you, Finsbury.
1389
01:29:05,300 --> 01:29:08,000
I'd like to introduce
one or two members of the band.
1390
01:29:08,035 --> 01:29:10,800
Marcus Brewer on vocals and tambourine.
1391
01:29:13,000 --> 01:29:14,765
And that's about it.
1392
01:29:14,800 --> 01:29:17,200
Let's get off quick. Get off.
1393
01:29:17,700 --> 01:29:21,500
Marcus, thank you. For the song.
1394
01:29:21,900 --> 01:29:23,150
You were terrific.
1395
01:29:23,185 --> 01:29:24,400
- You think so?
- Yeah.
1396
01:29:25,800 --> 01:29:28,300
As a matter of fact, I think we should celebrate.
1397
01:29:28,335 --> 01:29:29,500
Okay.
1398
01:29:29,900 --> 01:29:33,600
How about McDonald's?
1399
01:29:33,800 --> 01:29:35,765
- McDonald's?
- Yeah.
1400
01:29:35,800 --> 01:29:37,265
Thanks, Mum, but it's okay.
1401
01:29:37,300 --> 01:29:39,900
No, really. I want to go to McDonald's.
1402
01:29:39,935 --> 01:29:41,465
You know, I'm not really hungry.
1403
01:29:41,500 --> 01:29:45,500
Come on. Are you telling me
you couldn't murder a Big Mac?
1404
01:29:45,535 --> 01:29:46,600
Mum!
1405
01:29:48,200 --> 01:29:50,100
Okay, another time.
1406
01:29:52,800 --> 01:29:53,800
Any time.
1407
01:29:56,200 --> 01:29:59,000
I'll be around a while, you know.
1408
01:30:07,000 --> 01:30:11,100
By the following Christmas
things were back to normal.
1409
01:30:12,100 --> 01:30:13,400
Before you came-
1410
01:30:13,600 --> 01:30:17,000
Every man is an island.
And I stand by that.
1411
01:30:18,600 --> 01:30:23,100
But clearly, some men are part of island chains.
1412
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:27,300
Below the surface of the ocean
they're actually connected.
1413
01:30:27,335 --> 01:30:30,000
So you're going to marry my mum, then?
1414
01:30:30,300 --> 01:30:31,400
Don't know.
1415
01:30:31,435 --> 01:30:32,500
Why?
1416
01:30:32,900 --> 01:30:34,300
You think she's up for it?
1417
01:30:34,400 --> 01:30:36,900
- I used to want him to marry my mum.
- You serious?
1418
01:30:37,000 --> 01:30:40,300
Yeah. But that was when she was depressed
and I was desperate.
1419
01:30:40,335 --> 01:30:42,100
Thanks, mate. Cheers.
1420
01:30:42,300 --> 01:30:45,700
How do you use this blender-thing?
You don't.
1421
01:30:45,900 --> 01:30:48,500
I used to think two wasn't enough.
Christ.
1422
01:30:48,535 --> 01:30:50,617
Now there were loads of people.
1423
01:30:50,652 --> 01:30:52,700
And that was great. Mostly.
1424
01:30:54,300 --> 01:30:58,000
Are you two lazy bastards
gonna get up and help, or what?
1425
01:30:59,200 --> 01:31:02,065
So how do you know Will?
1426
01:31:02,100 --> 01:31:06,000
We volunteered together
at Amnesty International a couple years ago.
1427
01:31:06,035 --> 01:31:09,300
Yeah, that's right.
How is the Burmese situation, Tom? Better?
1428
01:31:09,335 --> 01:31:10,700
I mean good?
1429
01:31:11,200 --> 01:31:14,300
Yeah, and he called me up
out of the blue for Christmas lunch.
1430
01:31:14,335 --> 01:31:15,900
So, here I am.
1431
01:31:15,935 --> 01:31:17,200
Really?
1432
01:31:24,800 --> 01:31:27,400
So, listen, what's the deal
with you and Ellie now?
1433
01:31:27,435 --> 01:31:30,800
Is she your girlfriend?
1434
01:31:30,900 --> 01:31:32,600
Are you insane?
1435
01:31:34,600 --> 01:31:36,865
Where did you get those trainers?
1436
01:31:36,900 --> 01:31:39,700
- Why? What's wrong with them?
- Nothing.
1437
01:31:39,735 --> 01:31:40,900
What?
1438
01:31:41,500 --> 01:31:44,450
By the way,
I do think you and Rachel have a shot.
1439
01:31:44,485 --> 01:31:47,400
- I mean, if you don't screw it up.
- Thank you.
1440
01:31:49,900 --> 01:31:51,800
I'd created a monster.
1441
01:31:52,000 --> 01:31:54,000
Or maybe he created me.
1442
01:31:56,600 --> 01:31:59,500
I don't know
what Will was so upset about.
1443
01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:03,700
All I meant was
I don't think couples are the future.
1444
01:32:03,900 --> 01:32:06,800
You need more than that. You need backup.
1445
01:32:07,200 --> 01:32:10,400
The way I saw it,
Will and I both had backup now.
1446
01:32:12,500 --> 01:32:15,800
It's like that thing he told me Jon Bon Jovi said:
1447
01:32:15,835 --> 01:32:17,700
"No man is an island. "
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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