Original subtitles

Looks like a good turnout for the Darrowby fair.

- Oh, it does. - Which is why...

it's the perfect time to open the surgery up to the public.

Show ourselves off at our professional best.

Yes, so you said.

I'm sure we'll still get to see some of the fun.

Ah, James. All set?

-I think so. -Nice badge.

Now, don't forget, you're representing the practice.

I won't, Siegfried. I'm honoured.

Come on, Clive.

Mr Herriot!

Right on time, I'm pleased to see.

Of course, Mr Foyle. Looking forward to it.

Good, good. Well, we've a lot to get through.

Tempus "furgit", as they say.

Two bob says he won't last past lunchtime.

-Honestly, Tristan. -Remember when Grier did it?

Drunk by midday. Threatened to punch Foyle in the mouth.

The morning's not the problem. It's the pony measuring.

Gets them every time. Two bob, 3:30.

What do you say, Mrs Hall? Think he'll make it to the family pets?

I most certainly do. And I don't approve of gambling.

Two bob, six o'clock. Not a minute sooner.

Here, these are for you.

A map of the show. You'll see that each area's numbered.

Two for the bull enclosure, four for the goats and so forth.

-The key's at the bottom. -That all seems clear enough.

And here's a full-time timetable of events.

I've marked up your particular responsibilities.

The pony measuring will commence at 1:30 sharp in area ten.

That's the... the yard at Skeldale House.

It is. And then at 5:00pm, you'll be required to judge the pet show

in area nine.

-Also Skeldale House. -Yes.

At all other times, as attending vet,

you must remain here, in area one.

So you can be located immediately.

Now, my watch is synchronised with the village clock.

I would suggest that you do the same.

Right.

Oh...

Skeldale House is now open.

That's, Skeldale House is now open to the public!

Right, time for our first tour, I think, Mrs Hall.

-How many are we? -Three.

Well... I'm sure things will pick up as the day goes on.

Lady and gentlemen,

welcome.

Today, we shall be lifting the curtain

on the fascinating world of veterinary science.

If I could ask you to step this way.

That's it. And please do refrain from touching the equipment.

- Now, this is... - You don't mind if I pop out, do you?

See how old James is getting on.

Don't think I don't know what you're up to.

-You leave him be. -Mrs Hall, I'm offended.

A gentleman never interferes in a wager.

He's in fine form, Mrs Burton.

I'd be surprised if you don't take home a ribbon this year.

Watch what you're doing, will you?

I'm so sorry, Mr Dinsdale.

- Bloody menace! - James.

-Mind yoursen, lad! -Sorry! Sorry.

There you are. Thank God. Will you have a look at Jenny's ferret?

I was trying to trim his nails but he wouldn't stay still.

-And now he's bleeding. -Let's take a look, shall we?

-Does he bite? -Not much.

Ahh!

Oh, God!

No, Leopold! Let go!

Stop pulling your hand.

-If you jump around, he'll just bite harder. -Ahh!

And I thought vets were supposed to have a way with animals.

There.

And now you're bleeding and all!

- Sorry! - -Registration for the dog show has now...

The next tour will be starting shortly.

Please do help yourselves to tea.

Oh, thank you.

Any chance of anything stronger?

Dorothy!

What are you doing here?

I was hoping to whisk you off for a spot of lunch,

but I seem to have walked in on some sort of extravaganza.

Well, it's the Darrowby Show.

-Are you stuck in here all day? -'Fraid so.

Well, that's no fun.

Perhaps I can lend a hand.

You'd be bored rigid.

Nonsense!

Be just like the old days. Two of us running the show.

But without the Zeppelins or the rationing.

Well, that's something, I suppose.

Ferret emergency.

Oh.

Great.

The powder will stop Leopold's paw bleeding in no time.

-He won't even need a bandage. -Shame we can't say the same for you.

Oh, you know James - happy to risk life and limb for a damsel in distress.

It's looking better already.

We'll make a vet of you yet.

There you are. Good as new.

Here you go.

Are you showing Clive today?

We are. Dad's desperate to sell him.

Really? I thought he was a good earner.

Well, he is, but he won't be forever.

There's a top breeder coming today.

Woman called Southwick, says she might be interested.

If Clive takes first prize, we could get a really good price.

-Good luck. -In fact, I was hoping I could ask you to vouch for him.

You know, give him a clean bill of health if the deal goes ahead.

Of course. And I... I'd be happy to.

Wonderful.

Thanks. I'd best go and find my dad.

Yeah.

Wasn't old Clive a little bit slow off the mark with Dobson's cows?

Nothing a shot of testosterone didn't sort out.

If that bull wins first prize, it could go for a fortune.

God knows, they need it.

So long as you're confident there's no problem.

After the testosterone was administered, Clive did start doing his business.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Just the moment there's even the slightest hint that Clive's no good for breeding,

he'd be practically worthless.

Off to the knacker's yard for pennies.

Maybe I should give him another once over.

Well, you've already told Helen you'll vouch for him.

Now, come on, enough of this.

You've been neglecting your real duties for far too long already.

That's more like it.

You're starting early.

My good friend here needs fortification for the day ahead,

so we'll be wanting two more when you're ready.

Steady on. You know I'm on duty.

Yeah, that's why you need to get them in while you have the chance.

So have you had your invitation yet?

Uh? What invitation?

Tea with the parents?

Now you're sticking around, she'll be expecting things to get a little more serious.

What, Maggie?

I don't think so.

If you're sure.

Mr Herriot? Could you spare a minute?

It's a veterinary matter.

-I'd value your opinion. -Of course.

Uh, can't it wait?

Sorry, Tris, vet business.

Well, at least take one with you.

You have them.

You can settle in for a nice long chat.

Aye, she's a little beauty, isn't she?

A dark roan shorthorn.

I'm thinking of buying her.

Nice wide pelvis.

Level udder.

She's a lovely pedigree specimen.

You know, a cow like this doesn't come cheap, Mr Rudd.

That she doesn't, but with your say-so and recommendation...

We've been putting some by and I'd like to make the investment in a good breeder.

All you need is one really good animal.

Five years from now, we could have a pedigree herd.

So...

would you buy her?

I would.

Was that Dick Rudd I saw you talking to out there?

He asked me to look over a pedigree cow he's thinking about buying.

A testament to his high regard for your professional opinion.

-Can I ask you something? -Mm-hm.

Just because you have to administer testosterone to a bull to get it serving the cows,

doesn't necessarily mean there's got to be an underlying problem?

Oh, no, not necessarily. He might just need a bit of a lift.

Must be exhausting moving from herd to herd like they do.

Of course, it could also be lameness.

The only thing that really matters is whether the cows are in calf or not.

Right.

Mr Dobson!

Hello there.

Ah, Mr Herriot.

I've been meaning to ask.

How did your herd get on with the Alderson's bull in the end?

-Oh, yeah, yeah, grand. -Mr Herriot!

So, no problems after I left?

No, no, no. No problems.

-Mr Herriot, if you please. -Yes, Mr Foyle, just one moment.

-So your cows are in calf then? -You're needed at the dog show.

I'll let you get on.

Mr Herriot! Dog show, now, if you please.

Now, can anyone tell me what this is?

No?

Well, we use this to administer anaesthetic during surgery.

You slip it over the head,

tighten the strap

and slip in the chloroform.

It's very effective and entirely painless.

Oh! Ah!

So then, once little Tiddles or Fido is happily asleep, we...

Yes, thank you.

...we move on to our top-of-the-range

surgical equipment!

We have scalpels for making the initial incision.

Thank you.

We have saws for cutting through the bone.

Various sizes for various thicknesses.

Uhh!

And, of course, a whole variety of forceps and curettes

for really digging around.

Ooh!

Oh, dear!

Yes, well, moving on.

Right, a quick hiatus, I think, Mrs Hall.

I might see what refreshments are on offer.

Oh! Hello there.

Mr Farnon.

-You remember Dorothy? -Yes. Yes, of course. How nice to see you again.

-I hear you're quite the tour guide. -Oh, we're doing our best.

Very informative and not boring at all, apparently.

Oh, well, high praise indeed.

Anyway, shan't be long.

Oh, Tris, are you coming?

Couldn't you go too, Aud?

I can't leave the surgery unattended, as they both well know.

Well, I'm here.

And I'm reasonably trustworthy.

Go on, you're dying to have a look around.

You can repay me later in gin.

Well...

maybe just for a minute.

Oh, hello there. Where have you been hiding?

The guinea pigs in the shed needed fresh straw.

-And I gave the tabby new water. -Did you now?

Well, I'd say that's worth sixpence for the stall, wouldn't you?

Thank you.

They won't let us in the show.

I know you need to be careful, veterinary, but there's nowt wrong with the dog.

There's some matter in the corner of his eye.

Oh, that's just a bit of powder I was using on him, that's all.

I told that to him. Don't know why he's being so fussy.

His temperature's 104.

I'm sorry, I can't allow him into the show.

But we've shown this dog every year.

Well, you can't show him with a temperature like that.

But wait a minute!

He's had a long car journey.

-That could put up his temperature, couldn't it? -Not by that much, it couldn't.

You need to take him home and see your regular vet.

So you won't let me take him inside?

I'm afraid it's out of the question.

I'm sorry.

-There you are. Come on, don't dilly-dally. -Sorry?

Luncheon is served, old boy, and there's a pint or three with your name on it.

Afternoon, Mr Herriot.

Helen says you'll vouch for our bull.

Uh, yes, of course.

Much appreciated.

You're welcome, Mr Alderson.

Aye.

Ah, Herriot, just the man.

May I introduce my god-daughter, Penelope?

Hello there.

And this here is Binkie.

She's feeling a little nervous about the pet contest.

There's no need. I'm sure Binkie here will do marvellously.

There you are, Penn. I told you there was nothing to worry about.

All right, well...

Helen said that she told you about their possible buyer.

Uh, yes, she did, hmm.

A lot riding on the sale of that bull for the Aldersons.

Well, yes, I would imagine so.

Wouldn't want anything to scupper their chances.

No need to go looking for problems, if you take my meaning.

Right, well, come on, Penn, let's go find your mother, shall we?

Here you go and there's plenty more where that came from.

You do know you're wasting your time?

-What do you mean? -You can't compete, old chap.

He's got the land, the house, the pots of cash.

Helen's no gold digger but a girl has to be practical.

-He was talking about Alderson's bull. -Oh, yes?

I got the distinct impression he was warning me off.

Oh, so you think he's feeling threatened?

That is not... No!

This is not about Helen.

Come on, drink up and we'll go to the Drovers.

-But I can't leave the show. -Course you can.

You've done your bit. Foyle can measure a few ponies.

-Do you know that fellow? -It'll be about his dog.

Ignore him, stay and have a drink.

-No, I can't. Sorry. -But...

Jim!

I see James is still going strong.

Lunchtime you said, wasn't it?

Afraid you're out of the running, little brother.

Hello.

Still 104. I've told you.

But...

he seems fine in himself.

-Honestly... -And I'm telling you,

keeping him here is irresponsible. He shouldn't be around other dogs.

You need to put him in your car and take him home.

Mr Herriot!

Please report to area ten for the pony measuring!

That's Mr Herriot, area ten, pony measuring!

That's it, names and addresses in the book.

And the next tour will be starting shortly.

Is everything all right? Where's Mrs Hall?

She's gone to get some lunch.

-Oh. -Don't worry.

I've been keeping a close eye.

No one's made off with the silverware.

That's good to know.

So, um... how was your trip?

Um... Malta, wasn't it?

It was glorious.

Blazing hot with nothing to do but sun and swim.

Darrowby must seem rather dull in comparison.

Not at all.

I'm really rather enjoying myself.

Although, that chap over there keeps asking me to examine his cat.

He's convinced she swallowed an entire ball of yarn.

Mr Goggins, yes. Last time it was a fob watch complete with chain.

Goodness. And was the cat all right?

She was, as was the watch. It turned out he'd put it away in a drawer.

Oh, dear!

Well, I should, um, go and get my coat and then we should, um,

crack on!

Your audience awaits.

Mr Herriot!

Did you not hear me?

-You are needed for the ponies! -Yes...

Yes, I know. There's just a bull I need to look at.

Is the animal injured?

Does it require urgent medical attention?

-It does not. -Then I'm afraid it'll have to wait!

Thirteen two.

I'm sorry, he's too big for that class.

Well, have you allowed for his shoes?

I have but, as you can see, he's well over thirteen two.

He's actually over 14 hands.

He passed the vet at Hickly without any trouble.

I can't help that. If you want him to compete, he'll need to be in the higher class.

Next, please.

You really do need to keep 'em moving, Mr Herriot.

Tempus "furgit". You know?

There was another chap was convinced his dog was psychic

because it always barked just before the doorbell rang.

Never occurred to him that the animal just had better hearing than he did.

Oh! Oh, well, it's true what they say.

You really do see all human life in a place like this.

Well, I suppose we do.

I think you're a very fortunate man, Mr Farnon.

You've built a life doing what you love most.

Not many people manage that.

And have you?

On the whole.

I've had my share of disappointments.

And loss.

Things don't always work out the way we expect.

Very true.

But moving forward in hope, that's the key, isn't it?

There's so much in life to savour.

Audrey! There you are. You've been missing all the fun.

-Oh, yes? -Goggins' cat.

Endless entertainment.

But you two ladies should be out enjoying the show.

-Tristan and I can manage here. -Of course.

What do you say, Aud? You did promise me a gin.

-If you're quite sure. -Absolutely.

It's been a pleasure working with you, Mr Farnon.

And with you.

Maggie seems thoroughly and surprisingly enamoured of you.

-Does she? -Mmm.

Oh, God!

Do I detect that the thrill of the chase is less exciting than the actual catch?

Maggie's wonderful, really.

I'm just not sure about meeting parents.

Because that's what happens next. Do you think I'm anywhere near ready to meet parents?

Mmm?

Dorothy left her hat.

I won't have a man under my roof mess a girl around.

You're better than that Tristan.

Yes, Mrs H.

Right, I've still an hour or two to win this bet.

I'm off to the pony measuring, see if I can't tip James over the edge.

Everything all right?

I've barely had a single animal

that's the right height for the class they've been entered in.

I had one that stooped down at the knees every time I came near it.

Pinpricks.

I'm sorry?

They prick them between the shoulder blades so they drop down if you try to measure them.

-What?! -It's appalling, I know.

You see, this is what you're up against.

Come on, get a drink.

And the winner for the Best in Show, Sheep,

-goes to Mrs Ackroyd! -Excuse me.

-Do you know where the vet is? -I'm sorry I don't. No, I'm sorry.

-Do you know where the vet is? -No, no, sorry, I don't.

Do you know where the vet is?

Siegfried can certainly be very... entertaining.

He has his moments.

And you said he was a widower?

He lost his wife four years ago.

I would have thought it was more recent.

Oh, yes?

Am I to take it you've designs on our Mr Farnon?

Oh! I don't think so.

Reckon I'd scare the poor chap to death.

Besides, he strikes me as a man who still thinks of himself as married.

Well...

you can't always change how you feel.

Leaving that brute was the best and bravest thing you ever did.

Yes.

Well...

Now, I promised Mr Enderby I'd look in on the produce, so...

He's very keen to show me his shallots.

Then I shall love you and leave you.

I'll see you soon, Aud.

I'm sorry. I've measured him three times.

-He's still over. -What about the shoes?

You have to deduct for the shoes.

I know, but even so...

He doesn't have shoes!

What's this?

-Certificate. -Where's the pony?

-Here we go. -You don't need to see him if I've got a certificate.

That's written how tall he is there.

I'll need to measure him, certificate or not.

Well, that's not what my dad says.

Well, I'm afraid your dad's wrong.

We'll see about that.

It's unbelievable, isn't it? They'll try anything.

If I were you, I'd tell them to go hang.

Are you sure you don't want to go and watch the jumping, Siegfried?

No, no. Happy to lend my support.

And the winner for the largest marrow is Mr Ruthers.

Very well done. Congratulations.

Marvellous effort.

Well done.

As you can see, a fine example of...

That's not right, these guns ain't right.

-Can't you read? -I'm a good shot, I am.

No refunds means no refunds.

-It's not my fault you can't shoot straight. -It's a waste of time. Come on!

- Give us our money back! - You want to find yourself a lad with half a brain.

-Let's go. -Cheat!

Steady! Steady!

You've got accept it! You don't need any measurements

-if you've got a certificate. -Every animal goes under the stick.

And it's not as though your pony was slightly over the mark. He's miles over!

Well, let me tell you, he were passed through that vet at...

- Hickly! - I know and I don't care.

He's not going through here.

Well, really! You know, we were passed at Hickly too.

Could you take my dog's temperature again?

He looks so much better.

Won't you just try him one more time?

No, I bloody won't! Just take your damn dog home.

It's never happened here before!

You know, James, if you wanted to pack it in...

-What? -You don't have to put up with this.

- This is an outrage. - Mr Farnon!

I need you.

Eh! What you doing with my dog?

-What's happened? -Poor thing were hit by a pumpkin.

Pumpkin?

He was tied up safe as houses. I'd only left him for a minute.

Sometimes a minute is all it takes.

-I'll need you to assist me. -If it hadn't been for that other vet messing me about.

-You'll have to wait there, Mr...? -Happy!

-Really? -Yes!

Excuse me.

Right.

OK. There we go.

Right.

There.

I'll need chloroform, sterile dressings and a fresh set of instruments.

-This will provide an excellent teaching opportunity. -Right.

Well, go on then, what are you waiting for?

Oi! Leave that alone!

Ah! Mr Herriot. Finished with the ponies, are you?

-Well and truly. -Oh, good. Eh!

Eh, now you've only 25 minutes till the pet contest.

-Don't go wandering off! -Mr Foyle...

There is something I have to do, all right?

But I promise you I will not be late for the pet contest.

You'd better not be!

Or there'll be serious repercussions!

No, the...

I thought they weren't judging the bulls till 5:30.

No, they announce the winners at 5:30.

The judging takes place throughout the afternoon

and then the judges retire to deliberate.

You'd know this if you'd consulted your timetable.

All right there, veterinary?

Yes.

Thanks.

Mr Shipham, isn't it?

You haven't seen Mr Dobson at all, have you?

I can't say I have. Here...

I've heard you like a drop of the old home brew.

-I shouldn't really. -Nonsense! Man's gotta drink!

Cheers!

That's the way!

-Here, have a pie. -Thank you.

Sorry. Mr Dobson!

Mr Dobson, I need to talk to you.

Good boy. That's it.

Right, probe and forceps.

There's no point giving them to me. This one's on you.

It's a compound fracture, so first you need to check for bone fragments.

Right.

-I can't see any fragments. -Are you certain?

-I think so. -I don't need you to think, I need you to know.

I'm certain. The bone's snapped clean in two.

Excellent. Then if you debride the wound and sluice it out with plenty of saline,

we can set the bone and stitch him up.

-Now, when you say "we"... -Come on, we don't want to be here all day.

Mr Dodson, I am just asking

if you noticed any problems when the bull was in with your herd.

And I told you, everything were fine.

So you're certain your cows are in calf? You've actually examined them?

Would Mr Herriot please report to area nine?

The family pet contest is about to commence!

-Looks like you're needed. -Damn!

Very nice, very nice indeed.

Think I might be getting the hang of this!

You seem to be having fun today.

Yes, the tours went rather well, I thought.

I was thinking more of the fair Dorothy.

Dorothy?

-Pair of you were getting on like a house on fire. -Oh, I don't know about that.

-She's a nice enough woman. -Oh, come on, big brother.

I saw the way you were looking at her.

For God's sake, Tristan, must you be so tediously adolescent?

What's the problem? She's a woman, you're a man.

There's clearly an attraction there.

-You should've asked her out to dinner. -Don't be obtuse.

You know perfectly well taking a woman to dinner raises certain expectations.

-Would that be such a bad thing? -I'm not discussing this.

-Cos you know I'm right. -No, because I'm not taking romantic advice

from someone who's spent the entire day hiding from a barmaid.

Says the man who runs a mile if a woman shows the slightest interest.

-What utter rot! -I'm right and you know it.

It's like you've given up on having any life at all.

Oh, well done, lad! Not long to go now.

-You are ten minutes late! -I know, I know.

I'm sorry.

-Could I just have a word with Miss Alderson? -No!

- It'll have to wait! - -I'm not saying you need to get married,

- just have some blasted fun! - -If you had a bit less blasted fun,

you might actually achieve something!

Now, give me the damn forceps!

Mr Farnon?

What?

-There are children on the premises. -Your point being?

I'll thank you to modify your language.

And I'll thank you to mind your own bloody business!

In there! Now!

Well, what a wonderful...

Hello, pretty boy!

...and varied turnout.

Well, given the... given the range of animals,

I'm going to ask the owners to show me just how much they know their pets.

Just a couple of questions about the habit and upkeep. How does that sound?

Shut yer face!

Right then, let's begin.

I miss her too, you know.

What?

Evelyn was...

She was the absolute best.

No two ways about it, but... Well...

She isn't here anymore, Siegfried.

If you're going to continue stating the obvious, you might as well leave.

I'm just saying, she'd at least want you to try and be happy.

I mean, you're not entirely past it.

Good to know. Bandage.

I'm only thinking of you, big brother.

Fine. Right, point taken.

I should move on and seize the day and learn to love again.

Now, for God's sake, will you please shut up!

Hello, there.

Binkie, isn't it?

And does he eat anything unusual?

Uh, he ate a button once.

But it came straight out t'other end.

And what about exercise?

And how old is this... little lass?

Speak up, Penn.

He does have some lovely markings.

Do you let them out of the cage sometimes?

And what can you tell me about this little chap?

He's a goldfish.

Or Carassius auratus.

He's only a year old, but goldfish have been known to live up to 30 years in captivity.

His diet mainly consists of fish food pellets,

but he can also be fed boiled peas and brine shrimp and...

Well, I think we have a winner.

Thank you, Mr Foyle.

Now, in third place, number ten.

- The kitten. - Well done, love!

In second place, number 15, the ferret.

And in a very well-deserved first place...

number six, the goldfish.

What?!

Uh, well, my congratulations to the winners

and thank you, everyone, for taking part.

Absolute disgrace!

Sorry. Sorry, if I could...

Sorry. Excuse me.

Miss Alderson.

Well, I suppose that didn't go too badly.

I'm sorry, Mr Foyle, I really can't talk now.

Excuse me. Thank you. Helen!

It was the pet show that did it for you.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's no mean feat lasting as long as you did.

It wasn't the pets.

Well, what then?

I'm fairly certain Helen's bull has a problem.

And Dobson won't give me a straight answer as to whether his cows are in calf or not.

If they were, you'd assume he'd just say.

Exactly.

I gave Helen my word I'd vouch for Clive.

You could always lie.

Hope it doesn't come back to bite you on the backside.

Because that worked so well for you in the past.

Look, there's no guarantee Southwick will actually want to buy him in.

She only goes for the very top beasts. Best in show.

Maybe Clive won't win.

Maybe Southwick will buy some other bull and you can live to fight another day.

You're right.

You're right.

What if you're not? What if he wins?

Hide in here. It's what I do whenever there's someone or something I want to avoid.

-Seems rather cowardly. -Just because there's a firing squad lined up,

doesn't mean you have to stand in front of it.

Tristan! Where the bloody hell are you?

Speaking of which.

The prize giving for the bull contest

will commence in five minutes. That's five minutes!

Steady on there, Clive, old lad.

Steady.

Steady. That's it.

That's it.

I just want to take a look at you.

Damn.

James?

I asked you to leave it alone.

So I take it you know?

Dobson was complaining about his herd.

I just didn't want him to put off the Alderson's buyer.

They can't sell an animal that isn't fit!

-We don't know that for sure. -I'm pretty sure.

All right.

All right.

But I'm asking you to keep it to yourself... just for today.

I can't do that.

Look, I'm asking you as a favour, James.

Not for me.

For Helen.

She trusts you.

If you care about her at all then you won't let her down.

I missed again!

It's cheating, that's what it is.

I'm not paying sixpence for a broken rifle.

I told you, them's the rules.

What's going on?

My gun didn't work, but he still won't give me my money back.

-Is that right? -It's what they all say.

Makes no difference.

Perhaps I'll take a turn.

That'll be sixpence.

When you're ready.

The plaster must stay on for two weeks.

By rights, I should keep him in overnight,

-but as you're not local. -Oh, no, no.

I wouldn't know what to do with myself without him.

It's just me and him, see, since the wife died.

He was her pride and joy, he was.

There's no charge.

I'm so very grateful, Mr Farnon.

Not at all. Just in future, if you must tie him up...

-make sure it's somewhere safe. -I will do.

Thank you.

Mr Herriot.

Right, I don't know about you but I need a drink.

Unless you're still avoiding the refreshment hall.

I'm sure I'll manage.

There's my brave soldier. James?

I'll be right there.

Five forty-five. The old girl could still win this.

Well I never!

Mrs Hall's a crack shot. Who'd have thought it.

Well...

what was it you wanted, Jenny?

The dog or the bear? I'd say we've won both.

Well done.

Where on earth did you learn to shoot like that?

What did you think we did in the Wrens?

Embroidery?

Right, drinks!

Thank you, Mrs Hall!

And first prize goes to Mr Alderson, with Clive!

Very well done. Congratulations.

Round of applause, everyone.

-Uh, pint and a half of best, please. -Coming right up.

Ah!

So is your friend no longer with us?

No. She had to get back.

Oh, yes.

Of course.

I found it lying on the ground, Mr Herriot.

It was creating a serious trip hazard.

-I'm sorry. -Yes, well...

Look, I realise this was your first time, but if I can give...

I'm very sorry to interrupt,

but I'm afraid James is needed at the bar.

Think you owe me a pint for that one.

Ah. Won't be a minute.

Hello there, stranger. How was the open house?

Yes, yes, good, thanks.

Um...

Maggie, I've been thinking and, um...

this summer has been a lot of fun.

And you're a really great girl.

But the thing is...

my final exams are not far off

and I'm going to be working all hours.

-And... -You're giving me the push.

No. No. No, not at all. Far from it.

I just...

Give over, will you?

You're a nice enough lad, Tristan, but...

it's not like we'd have ever been serious.

Right.

Why is that then?

James?

Ah, there you are.

This is Mr Herriot, the vet I were telling you about.

How do? Southwick.

I hear you can vouch for this bull of theirs, is that right?

Cos I always like a professional opinion before I hand over good money.

That's right. Yes.

-I wonder, can I speak to you for a moment, Mr Alderson. -Eh, come on, lad!

Time's money. Just say the word and we'll have ourselves a deal.

I'd really like to examine him first, rule out any possible problems.

-What sort of problems? -There are no problems.

You can ask Dobson. He's got no complaints.

His cows are all pregnant, like they should be.

Is that right, Mr Dobson? Can you say for certain that your cows are in calf?

Well...

I don't know about "for certain".

You what?

There's nowt wrong with my bloody bull.

I'm afraid I noticed some swelling on his spine.

And some signs of discomfort.

Are you saying the beast is lame?

James?

It's most likely intermittent and very easily missed.

But... yes.

-He may well be. -But, Mr Dobson,

if your cows weren't in calf, why lie about it?

Do you know something about this?

Hugh?

Dobson was grumbling about his herd and...

it occurred to me that it'd be better off all round if he kept his complaints to himself.

That's why I... I slipped him a few bob.

Of all the bloody stupid...

What were you thinking?!

Helen, I only wanted to help.

Well, now the sales off and you've made my dad out to be a liar, so thank you.

Poor beggar.

I'd say he's cooked his goose, wouldn't you?

You can't imagine how hard it is seeing you so terribly worried about money all the time.

-It's no excuse. -I know, but you won't let me do anything.

So you thought you'd go behind my back?

Because having money means you can interfere in other people's lives.

Because I'm too stupid to make my own decisions.

Because you're a man and you know best.

It's because I love you.

Yep! He's a goner.

You can tell from the body language, see?

The coup de grace and then the dramatic exit.

I love you, Helen.

And I would do anything in the world to make you happy.

You've never said that before.

No, I know, but I should have.

God knows, I've wanted to.

I'm so hopeless at these things.

Well, yes...

you are.

Jammy sod!

How did he manage to talk himself out of that?

I told him, I'm going to make a formal complaint.

I mean, you can't just ignore a certificate!

-I know my rights! -A bloody goldfish!

I ask you! Who's ever heard of a goldfish winning a competition?

I'll have you know, all I have done all day and in the face of endless abuse

and insult, I might add, is try to make fair and just decisions.

And I have to say, I have never in my life

witnessed such an appalling display of unsportsmanlike and downright criminal behaviour!

If anyone should be ashamed, it's you lot!

You might want to put down the stick.

Happen you got a point, young man.

Cheaters shouldn't prosper.

Well, James, I think we can safely say you're one of us now.

I suppose so.

I knew you could do it.

Speaking of which, he's made it to 6:15, so...

Two bob, wasn't it?

You had a bet?

Against me?

-More of a sweepstake. -You could have warned me!

Baptism of fire, old chap, baptism of fire.

The labours of Hercules pale in comparison to being a vet at the Darrowby Show.

Cheers!