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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:04,390 Shitty thing. 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,010 Guillermo-- He doesn'’t live here anymore. 3 00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,110 How is it? I can'’t see. 4 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,040 Tonight we are attending a very special event. 5 00:00:12,050 --> 00:00:13,260 Ha! 6 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,120 Aye, fuck. 7 00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:19,600 The Baron is receiving an eternal lifetime achievement award. 8 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:24,030 I have never heard of such a thing, but it sounds very cool. 9 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,380 It is about time our Baron got recognized 10 00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:31,380 for all the incredible work he does in our local community. 11 00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:33,450 - Yeah. - He has done so much for all of us, 12 00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:36,350 - both as a leader and as a reliable lay. - Yeah. 13 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:39,000 Of course I am quite accustomed to being exalted... 14 00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:42,110 ...praised, feared. 15 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,800 But this shall be a night to remember. 16 00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:47,880 Alas, no. The Sire cannot make it. 17 00:00:48,010 --> 00:00:50,740 Our usual sitter just started at Northwestern and, well... 18 00:00:50,910 --> 00:00:52,080 Oh! 19 00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:54,330 You know how hard it is to find someone new. 20 00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:57,060 - Baron, give us a twirl. - Oh, no. 21 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,620 - Yes, please, Baron. - Look at him go. Wow. 22 00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:01,300 - Spin, Baron, spin. - Wow. 23 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,480 Look at you all. Where are we going? 24 00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:07,000 We are going to an event to honor the Baron. 25 00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:08,760 - Oh. - And you are not. 26 00:01:08,930 --> 00:01:11,830 - Oh. - Because you have made it very clear 27 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:15,970 that your future lies with the humans, not the vampires. 28 00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:18,640 - That'’s not fair. - Guillermo, we are a family. 29 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,630 - Right. - We will always be a family. 30 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,800 - Thank you. - And you are no longer part of the family. 31 00:01:23,980 --> 00:01:26,980 - Capisce? - Because you rejected your vampire family. 32 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,780 - I didn'’t-- - Yeah. The "vamily." 33 00:01:29,470 --> 00:01:32,160 Oh. Colin Robinson, no. 34 00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:34,300 - Hell-lo. - Here he is. 35 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,640 - Shall we saddle up? - Yes. 36 00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:37,480 Well, why does the monster get to go and not me? 37 00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:39,450 - "Vamily." - Yeah. 38 00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:42,100 - No, not him as well. - Very good. 39 00:02:18,350 --> 00:02:21,320 Yeah, I'’m a little hurt I'’m not going to the vampire gathering tonight, 40 00:02:21,490 --> 00:02:23,940 but it'’s probably for the best, you know? 41 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,080 Besides, I already made plans to hang out with my cousin Miguel. 42 00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,530 Actually, Miguel and I used to be really close when I was little. 43 00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:35,050 But then he kinda became this, like, jock. 44 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:37,390 We grew apart, 45 00:02:37,570 --> 00:02:40,850 but our moms are determined that we be really good friends. 46 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,170 We'’re gonna... hang out. 47 00:02:51,270 --> 00:02:54,030 - Miguel! Hey. - Hey. How you doing? 48 00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:56,250 You love it. 49 00:02:56,420 --> 00:02:57,560 - No, I don'’t. - Yeah, you do. 50 00:02:57,730 --> 00:03:00,220 No, I don'’t. I really don'’t. 51 00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:03,430 We should'’ve done this sooner. I was working at this job, you know? 52 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,600 It was crazy. I had to get outta there. I was starting to lose my mind-- 53 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:09,080 Hey, hey, hey, hey. Memo. I don'’t need the whole pinche novella, okay? 54 00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:10,810 Losers first. 55 00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:11,780 Go get '’em, slugger. 56 00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:13,880 Oh! 57 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:15,790 Strike one! 58 00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,400 Little out of practice there, Memo? 59 00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:19,060 I don'’t think I was ever in practice. 60 00:03:19,230 --> 00:03:20,470 What are you talking about? 61 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,340 We used to play all the time when we were little. 62 00:03:22,510 --> 00:03:23,750 Ah! 63 00:03:23,930 --> 00:03:25,930 Gotta keep your eyes on the ball, Memo. 64 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:30,280 There it is. Every gang in the tristate area is here. How delightful. 65 00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:33,420 Yeah. Looks like everyone came out to play. 66 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:35,450 - Salutations. - The Warriors. Walter Hill. 1979. 67 00:03:35,630 --> 00:03:36,630 Exciting. 68 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,190 - What a turnout. - Look up there. It'’s the Fly Guys. 69 00:03:41,390 --> 00:03:44,500 Oh, wow. I haven'’t seen the Lower East Side Vampire Punks 70 00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:47,330 since one spat on me in 1983. 71 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,950 I was cool with it. It'’s what we did back then. 72 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:53,410 - Hello, Hamptons vampires. - Like, "Hampires." 73 00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:55,580 - Stop it! - I hate these dipshits. 74 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:59,170 But kinda makes you proud, you know? Our people. 75 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,620 So, this is all for me? 76 00:04:02,790 --> 00:04:05,310 - Baron Afanas, there you are. - Ah. 77 00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:06,530 - Hi. - Hello. 78 00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:08,630 You look lovely tonight. 79 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,290 I mean, you look lovely every night. 80 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,320 - We all look lovely tonight. - Ugh. 81 00:04:13,490 --> 00:04:15,870 - You included. - Thank you. 82 00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:18,710 All right. I'’m just going to bring you up to the stage, 83 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,710 and then Jerry will introduce you. 84 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,470 - Jerry is here? - Who Jerry? 85 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,820 Jerry'’s the one who put on this whole event. 86 00:04:25,990 --> 00:04:28,890 Look out, Manhattan all-girls private-school vampires. 87 00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:32,510 Vicious, ruthless killers, both socially and in a murder sense. 88 00:04:32,690 --> 00:04:34,000 What'’s up, girlies? 89 00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:37,140 Ew. 90 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,100 - Hey! - Told ya. 91 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,150 - Check one, check two. - Cute. 92 00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:44,140 Hello. Hi. 93 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,940 I can'’t believe this total zero gets to introduce the Baron Afanas. 94 00:04:47,110 --> 00:04:48,560 Doesn'’t seem right. 95 00:04:48,740 --> 00:04:51,260 He hasn'’t even sucked him off, let alone been nuts deep. 96 00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:52,670 All right. 97 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,190 - Just be quiet. - You be quiet. 98 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,050 Can you count, suckers? 99 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,510 Look around you. 100 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,200 Look at all these different vampires, 101 00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,130 all gathered together as one. 102 00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:09,480 Yes. How about it? 103 00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:11,550 We'’ve got our Coney Island carny vampires... 104 00:05:13,310 --> 00:05:15,480 ...side by side with our leatherette vampires. 105 00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:18,700 We'’ve got our Rockaway surfers... 106 00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:21,630 ...right next to our JFK TSA vampires. 107 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:26,810 - Thank you for your service! - This city doesn'’t bleed without you all. 108 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,160 - Yes! - That'’s right! That'’s right, Jerry! 109 00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:35,860 Tonight we'’ve gathered to hear from our esteemed leader... 110 00:05:36,030 --> 00:05:38,930 ...the great Baron Afanas. 111 00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:43,620 Our supreme commander in charge of our conquest of the New World. 112 00:05:43,790 --> 00:05:44,960 Yes, conquest! 113 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,900 At least, that was the plan, right? 114 00:05:50,590 --> 00:05:51,970 Wasn'’t it? 115 00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,350 Taking over the New World? 116 00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:56,910 People feeling good about it? 117 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,740 I'’m just asking questions. I don'’t know. 118 00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:02,740 Maybe the Baron will be able to provide some of these answers tonight. 119 00:06:02,910 --> 00:06:06,530 Maybe there'’s a perfectly good explanation 120 00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:10,890 for why we were sent here 250 years ago to conquer the continent 121 00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:14,240 and we still find ourselves cowering in the shadows. 122 00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:19,310 - Do you have an answer for that? Do you know why? - What'’s this shit? 123 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,340 When can we move on? - Jerry. 124 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,590 That introduction I cannot live up to. 125 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,660 - Thank you, thank you. -'’Cause here'’s what I wanna know. 126 00:06:26,830 --> 00:06:29,280 - What the fuck? - Does the fault lie in ourselves? 127 00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,430 Does it lie in our stars? 128 00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:33,220 Or... 129 00:06:34,430 --> 00:06:37,470 does it lie in our leadership? 130 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,780 - He has a point! - I'’m genuinely asking. I don'’t know. 131 00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:41,190 - Hey, hey. - What is he talking about? 132 00:06:41,330 --> 00:06:43,300 Move! 133 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,750 Gimme that. How dare you disrespect this man? 134 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,510 - Hear! Hear! - This is the great, 135 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,450 the beautiful Baron Afanas. 136 00:06:57,660 --> 00:07:01,460 And this man, this mixer of boiling hot feces, 137 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,360 he knows not of his place. 138 00:07:03,530 --> 00:07:07,150 He'’s nothing but a sower of discontent and disrespect. 139 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,980 Let me see that. 140 00:07:09,150 --> 00:07:10,500 - Puttana! No! - Let me see that. 141 00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:12,020 - No. No. Shut up! - Hold on. Hold on. 142 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:14,740 No. No, no, don'’t-- 143 00:07:19,580 --> 00:07:21,100 Ah! 144 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:25,550 - Uh-- - Okay. Uh, that was not my fault. 145 00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:30,560 Jerry was killed by that Frankenstein monster! 146 00:07:30,730 --> 00:07:32,460 It'’s Cravensworth'’s monster. 147 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,520 Run! Run! 148 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:37,500 They killed Jerry! The Staten Island vampires killed Jerry! 149 00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:40,010 - No, we didn'’t. - Kill them! 150 00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:41,770 We should get the fuck out of here! 151 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,960 Kill them! 152 00:08:05,590 --> 00:08:07,700 Fucking hell. How many bats are up there? 153 00:08:07,870 --> 00:08:09,870 So flying home is not an option. 154 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,390 Where do we go, what do we do and how do we do it? 155 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,050 We need to get home. Which way is home? Is it north? 156 00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:18,570 - I'’m certain we are south. - No. No, we'’re not. I'’m feeling east. 157 00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,220 You know I can'’t fly, you dicks. 158 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,680 Ah. Colin Robinson, do you know how to get home? 159 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:24,890 No, I have no idea. I... 160 00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:28,370 I never thought I'’d ever say this, but I think we need to call Gizmo. 161 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:29,960 - Ah! Yes. - Yes, great idea. 162 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:33,680 Guillermo! 163 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,450 Not like that, you fucking idiot. With the phone that he'’s doing. 164 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,280 I can also try echolocating. 165 00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:41,660 Nadja, I'’m on the phone! 166 00:08:41,830 --> 00:08:43,560 Come one, man. That'’s why you gotta concentrate. 167 00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:45,280 I was concentrating. 168 00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:47,530 So this new job has a documentary about it too? 169 00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:51,810 No, it'’s actually the same documentary. 170 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:54,290 It just now follows a guy who quits his old job 171 00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:56,640 and goes out into the regular world. 172 00:08:56,810 --> 00:09:00,300 Okay, word. So it'’s like Sling Blade. But boring. 173 00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:02,580 Know what, Miguel? This is why I don'’t hang out with you. 174 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,790 You don'’t hang out with any of the familia. 175 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,140 I don'’t because every time I do, they make me feel guilty that I'’m always busy. 176 00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,450 This was a mistake. I'’m sorry. I'’m gonna go, okay? 177 00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:13,480 Hey, hey. Come on, Memo. I'’m not mad at you, man. 178 00:09:13,660 --> 00:09:16,080 We love you. All right? We were worried. 179 00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:18,390 We never saw you. You'’re out there on your own. 180 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,250 You never even talked about having any friends. 181 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,560 Don'’t worry about me, okay? I have plenty of friends. 182 00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,320 Oh, really? That'’s great. Name me one friend. Like, who'’s your best friend? 183 00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:28,090 That would be, uh, Nandor. 184 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,610 Nandor? 185 00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,750 My-- My boss. My ex-boss. He'’s not my boss anymore. 186 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,820 Your best friend is your former boss? 187 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,790 I know, okay? It'’s complicated, but... 188 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:36,710 Wait. 189 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,550 Colin? 190 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,240 Wait, slow down. What? 191 00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:45,410 Here we go, Mr. Drama Queen. Just like always. 192 00:09:45,590 --> 00:09:48,320 Every time we start to have fun, you all of a sudden have an emergency somewhere. 193 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,690 - My friends need help. They'’re in danger. - In danger? 194 00:09:50,870 --> 00:09:53,010 It'’s gonna sound crazy, but someone'’s trying to kill them. 195 00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:56,220 - What the fuck? - Just please let me go. 196 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:58,670 No, no. Fuck that. I'’m going with you, all right? Let'’s roll. 197 00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,290 You don'’t even know them. Why would you wanna come? 198 00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:02,430 I don'’t need to know them. 199 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,330 You'’re my familia, all right? I have to have your back. Let'’s go. 200 00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:08,850 - Okay. - An attack on your friends is an attack on all of us. 201 00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,820 Seat belt on. 202 00:10:10,990 --> 00:10:13,060 Wait. You should know before we go that my friends, they'’re... 203 00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:13,990 they'’re not like 204 00:10:15,370 --> 00:10:17,890 the regular people that you know. 205 00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:20,520 Memo, will you chill out? I have gay friends, all right? It'’s not a big deal. !¡AÁndale! 206 00:10:25,110 --> 00:10:27,080 And remember, when we find them, I get dibs 207 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,980 - on killing the one with the really gross man bun. - So cringe. 208 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,460 They'’re not here. Let'’s go. - Okay, let'’s go. 209 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:42,430 Okay. That was not supposed to go that way. 210 00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:45,820 I cannot believe that Jerry betrayed the Baron like that. 211 00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:48,230 As long as you are all right, that'’s all that matters. 212 00:10:48,410 --> 00:10:50,650 - Ugh. - I have been serving Jerry for months. 213 00:10:50,820 --> 00:10:52,930 I feel so betrayed. I'’m so sorry. 214 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,860 I hear you, I hear you. You know, trust is essential-- 215 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,830 Um-- We'’re just gonna give you guys a minute. Just give you some... 216 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,830 Sounds like this Jerry does not get... 217 00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:05,050 Laszlo, why did your monster flip the fuck out and pop Jerry'’s head? 218 00:11:05,220 --> 00:11:08,120 He was just performing his duties as a protector. 219 00:11:08,290 --> 00:11:12,050 Well, then how do I know that he might not just flip out one day and pop my head? 220 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:14,570 - My monster would never do that. - How could you be so sure? 221 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,570 Look at the mess that thing has created. 222 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:22,270 That lumbering, demented donkey of a creature is clearly capable of anything. 223 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,690 No, no, no. He'’s not. My darling, my monster would never hurt you. 224 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,520 I didn'’t want you to know, 225 00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:31,070 but the sole objective of creating him in the first place 226 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:32,550 was to keep you safe. 227 00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:34,520 What? 228 00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:37,520 My darling, if anything were to happen to me, 229 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,560 you would be protected. 230 00:11:39,730 --> 00:11:41,530 - What? - When have I ever needed protecting 231 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:42,740 from anything or anyone? 232 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:44,390 I knew you'’d react like this. 233 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,090 For the record, my darling, 234 00:11:46,260 --> 00:11:49,230 I was a vampire on my own for centuries. 235 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,640 Before you came along, Mr. Cravensworth, 236 00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:56,470 I once ripped an entire pack of werewolves to shreds with my bare fangs 237 00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:59,650 and then scattered their entrails on the road like a confetti. 238 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,620 - I'’ve heard this story a thousand-- - Ah! A confetti. 239 00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,830 The skies are clear. 240 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,450 Let'’s try to get our bearings. 241 00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,500 Look. Look down there. 242 00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:17,600 Athletes preparing for a baseball game? At this hour? 243 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:20,810 They'’re not athletes, you tit. They'’re the Bronx Bomber vampires. 244 00:12:20,980 --> 00:12:22,570 Well, they'’re looking for us. 245 00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,780 Good. Let'’s just take them on and get this over with. 246 00:12:24,950 --> 00:12:26,260 No, we should cross the bridge. 247 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,130 Okay. 248 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:29,610 Keep walking. They'’re coming up here! 249 00:12:29,780 --> 00:12:31,510 Just keep walking. 250 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:32,920 - What now? - Shit. 251 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,140 Oh, no. It'’s the Meatpacking District vampires. 252 00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:38,350 As deadly as they are beautiful. 253 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,110 I wouldn'’t mind having my meat packed. 254 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,460 - This way. To the subway. - Shut the fuck up. 255 00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:44,900 - Flee! Down here! - We must run! 256 00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:47,110 Come on. Take cover fast! 257 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,320 Fuck yeah. I see an entrance. 258 00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:50,840 Come on. Hurry. 259 00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:52,460 Does the subway even go to Staten Island? 260 00:12:52,630 --> 00:12:54,530 - Stay close, Blondie. - What the fuck? 261 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,770 Hey. What'’s this shit? 262 00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:58,780 - Great. Jumping vampires. - All right. Cool down. 263 00:12:58,950 --> 00:13:00,470 Is it hat vampires? 264 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,710 - Fuck off. Fuck off. - Oh, shit. 265 00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:04,750 No. What are they? 266 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,020 These guys are the, uh... 267 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:10,440 I don'’t actually know what kind of vampires these are. 268 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:13,490 - Are they '’80s vampires? - Breakdance vampires? 269 00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:16,620 No, I think they'’re Fame the movie vampires, 270 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,150 or Fame the TV show vampires. 271 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,150 And the space suit fella must represent MTV or something. 272 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,810 Then what'’s with the riverboat gambler guy? 273 00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:27,570 They lost me there. I have no clue. 274 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,670 You killed Jerry the vampire. 275 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,330 No, no. That was done by a random monster. 276 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:33,570 - Shazam! - Uh-oh. 277 00:13:33,740 --> 00:13:35,810 - Five, six, seven, eight. - No! 278 00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:37,680 What'’s this shit? 279 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,680 - Ooh! - Oh! Okay. 280 00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:42,200 They'’re twinkle-toe vampires. I got this. 281 00:13:44,930 --> 00:13:46,690 Have you ever seen feet move at this medium pace? 282 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,550 - All right. - That'’s a nice one. Aha! 283 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,170 Oh. 284 00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,350 - Fuck off. - Wow. 285 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:54,590 - It'’s really good. - Not bad. 286 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,380 - Oh... - Fuck this shit. 287 00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:59,080 What? What? 288 00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:00,840 - Okay. - What the fuck? 289 00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:03,670 Fuck, Laszlo! 290 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,290 They really weren'’t that threatening. 291 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,820 You idiot. 292 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,220 Well, he'’s dead. 293 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:10,950 - Full house. - I was handling it. 294 00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:12,200 Sorry. 295 00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:13,720 Let'’s just keep moving, all right? 296 00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:15,130 We'’ll get above ground... 297 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,610 - Okay. - ...so Guillermo can find us. 298 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,380 - Good idea. - Whatever. 299 00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,520 You know, I really like it when you take charge. 300 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,580 No, no, no. 301 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,450 Don'’t worry about the address. I'’ll text when I get it. 302 00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:30,080 Just gather '’em up. Keep your phone on, all right? All right. 303 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:31,910 Who was that? 304 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,940 - Some friends. In case we need backup. - Backup? 305 00:14:34,110 --> 00:14:36,770 You said your friends are gonna get killed. I don'’t know what'’s gonna happen. 306 00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:38,610 - Where are they, man? - I don'’t know, okay? 307 00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:41,260 Colin lost his location, so maybe he lost reception. 308 00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:44,300 - I can try calling again. I don'’t know. - Are these people even real? 309 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,470 Are you kidding me right now? Yes, they'’re real. 310 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,300 - Why would I be doing this if they'’re not real? - I just had to check. 311 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:52,160 - Had to check? They'’re real, okay? Don'’t worry. - You'’re acting crazy. 312 00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:55,000 They'’re my friends, and they'’re vampires, so there'’s that. 313 00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:57,240 - Did you just say they'’re vampires? - Yeah. 314 00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:58,960 Actually, you met one of them. 315 00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:00,970 - What? - Yeah, but you attacked her. 316 00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:02,140 - The fuck? - You attacked her. 317 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,800 I would remember something like that. 318 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,730 How could you? She hypnotized you. 319 00:15:05,910 --> 00:15:06,950 How you gonna remember, hmm? 320 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,220 - You know what? Let'’s just keep driving. - Yeah, let'’s keep driving. 321 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,680 Oh, it'’s Colin. 322 00:15:16,850 --> 00:15:19,720 Hey, hey. Hi, Colin. Where are you? 323 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:23,090 Okey dokey. 324 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:26,650 I just got off the phone with Gizmo 325 00:15:26,820 --> 00:15:29,620 and gave him... ...our locash. 326 00:15:29,790 --> 00:15:31,340 You know, Laszlo, 327 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,630 I had those dancing vampire freaks in the palm of my hands. 328 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:38,700 I do not need you or your stupid monster to protect me. 329 00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,290 Is that what you think? 330 00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:46,360 My darling, I did not train my monster to protect you 331 00:15:46,530 --> 00:15:48,950 because I thought you could not live without me. 332 00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,540 I trained that monster 333 00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:54,400 because I cannot live without you. 334 00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,200 Laszlo, 335 00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:01,100 I cannot live without you. 336 00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:04,960 But if something was to happen to you and I was to lose you, 337 00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:07,690 it wouldn'’t be your protection I would miss. 338 00:16:07,860 --> 00:16:09,340 It would be you. 339 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,830 Your looks, the layers in your hairs. Your wit. 340 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,010 And the way you use that extremely large hog. 341 00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:19,560 And that cannot be taught. 342 00:16:19,740 --> 00:16:21,220 No, it can'’t. 343 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,360 Aw. They'’re being sweet again. 344 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:26,710 - Yes. - The way that... 345 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,610 Kinda makes you think, doesn'’t it? 346 00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,060 Think about what? 347 00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:33,270 Well, isn'’t it obvious? 348 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,000 I have been searching for love for so very long, 349 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,180 and it was right here the whole time. 350 00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:42,970 Right under my nose. 351 00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,040 In front of my nose. 352 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:50,010 - Me? - You. 353 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,560 Ugh. 354 00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:55,710 - So, I'’ve watched your search for love. - Mm-hmm. 355 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,880 This one, that one. 356 00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,470 - Your dead wife. - Yes. 357 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,810 - Guillermo'’s boyfriend. - Freddie. 358 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:05,780 Gail. I mean, basically, anyone and everyone who wasn'’t me. 359 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,380 And I'’ve seen after you won their hearts. 360 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:10,060 It all falls apart. 361 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,550 Because you'’re all about the conquest, not the victory. 362 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,860 You'’re a good friend, but you will never have me. 363 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:19,550 Ever. 364 00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:23,150 Sorry, could you run that by me again? 365 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,910 I completely zoned out. 366 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:28,360 I got ever so lost in those big, 367 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:30,920 beautiful blue eyes of yours. 368 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,150 I said you'’ll never have me. 369 00:17:33,330 --> 00:17:36,230 I have a little bit of self-respect. A little... ...bit. 370 00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:38,710 - I just feel so ready for love. - Okay. 371 00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,990 - Mmm... Wait a minute. What is that? - Hey. 372 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,750 - Laszlo. - Oh, shit. 373 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,610 - What the fuck? - Graveyard vampires. 374 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:48,100 Well, you hang out in a graveyard, 375 00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:49,750 you can expect spooky crap like this. 376 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:51,940 Oh, bloody fuck. 377 00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:53,630 - Should we... - There'’s too many of them. 378 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,770 - Run while you can. - Yes, yes. Come on, Laszlo. 379 00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:56,870 - This way. - Yes. 380 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,110 Come on, you skull fucks. 381 00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:03,050 Here. Quick! Shit. Shit. 382 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,560 Come on, do your worst. 383 00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:07,850 Fucking hell. Ah! 384 00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:09,920 No, no, no! Wait! 385 00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,580 No. Fuck off. 386 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:15,650 Ah! I see you know your judo well. 387 00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:18,030 - Laszlo! - It'’s all right, my darling. I'’ll be right there. 388 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,620 I'’m coming! Hang your cape on that. 389 00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:22,340 Get your hands off me. 390 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,110 Get out, you motherfucker! 391 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,110 Ooh. 392 00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:33,010 Nadja! There'’s some over here too. 393 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,910 All right. Who'’s next? I can do this all night long. 394 00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:40,680 - Fuck off. - Oh. 395 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,810 - Help me up. - Laszlo. 396 00:18:44,230 --> 00:18:46,340 - Where'’s my wife? - She'’s over there. 397 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,330 Okay. Very good aim. Wow! 398 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,820 Look at my gruesome girl go. 399 00:18:51,990 --> 00:18:54,200 It'’s like front row at a Gallagher show. 400 00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:55,650 I think maybe he'’s dead? 401 00:18:55,820 --> 00:18:58,410 I will say when he'’s dead. 402 00:18:58,590 --> 00:19:01,520 Very impressive. But I think there might be more vampires on the way. 403 00:19:01,690 --> 00:19:03,350 - Perhaps we should get out of here. - In a minute! 404 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:04,310 Okay. 405 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,640 Now we can go. 406 00:19:09,490 --> 00:19:11,150 Great. Let'’s do that. 407 00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,400 - Do you want a straw? - Nope. 408 00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:26,380 You think that maybe we should order coffee drinks-- thank you-- 409 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:27,890 so we don'’t look like a bunch of vampires 410 00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:30,060 sat around waiting for our familiar to save us? 411 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,100 We can all be here without everyone ordering coffee. 412 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,320 And we can stay at the table as long as we want. 413 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,590 And when it comes to the bathrooms, 414 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,730 - legally, it'’s Thunderdome. - Hey. 415 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,070 - Guillermo! - Guillermo. 416 00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:43,080 - Finally. - Hey, Gomez. 417 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,010 - You took your sweet time. - Nadja, you all right? You have a little-- 418 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,290 Yeah, covered, uh, in brain and blood and guts. 419 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,400 Yes. Thank you for noticing. 420 00:19:49,570 --> 00:19:51,880 So, uh, your vampire friends, they hang out at coffee shops? 421 00:19:52,050 --> 00:19:54,710 Hey, look, no offense. I love the costumes, man. 422 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,190 You turn your mom'’s rug into a dress? That'’s pretty cool. 423 00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:59,160 But, uh, you guys really think you'’re vampires? 424 00:20:00,650 --> 00:20:02,620 No, Nandor. Don'’t hurt him. That'’s my cousin, Miguel. 425 00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:04,790 No kidding. 426 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,960 So you are the famous Miguel. We have heard lots about you. 427 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,730 What the fuck? 428 00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:12,250 Guillermo tells us you'’re very tough and very cool 429 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:14,910 and once locked him in a cupboard for six hours. 430 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,940 - Put it there. - Don'’t need to fist bump on that. 431 00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:19,390 Sorry about that. Let'’s straighten that for you. 432 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,290 - You guys kill people? - No shit, Kojak. 433 00:20:21,460 --> 00:20:23,430 Chillax, Miguel. 434 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,460 '’Cause a member of Guillermo'’s family is a member of our family. 435 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,020 - Right, guys? - Right. 436 00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:29,200 - "Vamilia." - Nadnor! I have a Nadnor. 437 00:20:29,370 --> 00:20:31,750 Is that for you, Nandor? 438 00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:34,070 No, she is calling someone called Nadnor. Also, I have not ordered anything, so-- 439 00:20:34,230 --> 00:20:38,720 - I have one roundhouse kick for a Nandor. - Yes. I am Nan-- 440 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,070 How quaint. A barista vampire. 441 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,040 We'’re not barista vampires. We'’re artist and writer vampires 442 00:20:46,250 --> 00:20:49,010 who happen to currently be working as baristas. 443 00:20:49,180 --> 00:20:51,390 And graphic designer vampires. 444 00:20:51,530 --> 00:20:53,260 - Hi. I'’m Cass. - Hi, Cass. 445 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:56,490 Personal essayist vampire Louis here. 446 00:20:56,670 --> 00:20:58,810 - Got a shot for Nandor. - Oh, that'’s me. Yes. 447 00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:00,950 Fucking guy. 448 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:02,920 My mistake. That was supposed to be a double shot. 449 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,270 Whoa. Oh, shit. 450 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,100 Oh, I forgot to mention. You have Van Helsing blood running through you. 451 00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:10,470 - What? - It'’s a long story. I'’ll tell you later, okay? 452 00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:15,890 Bat. 453 00:21:17,790 --> 00:21:20,590 Sorry, I didn'’t mean to do that. It'’s because I said the word "bat." 454 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,830 - And I'’ve done it again. I meant to say-- - Miguel. 455 00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:27,730 Should we get involved? 456 00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,850 You know, I forgot how scrappy Gizmo can be 457 00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:33,460 when he gets a bit of a bee in his bonnet. 458 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,020 Ooh. 459 00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:36,950 Steam. 460 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,120 "Vampuccino." 461 00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:39,510 I will fucking kill you. 462 00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:45,960 Ah! Ooh. Very good. 463 00:21:48,550 --> 00:21:50,900 Almost there. Keep reaching, Gizmo. 464 00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:55,730 Nice shot. 465 00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:57,940 - Ooh. Dead. Very good. - Guillermo. 466 00:21:58,140 --> 00:21:59,350 - We should go. - Yes. 467 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:01,260 What the fuck is that? 468 00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:03,110 Just some homeys of mine. I called them in case we were outnumbered. 469 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,220 Here they come. Hell yeah! Donnie brought the Spyder. 470 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,540 - Fancy a ride, my darling? - Hello. 471 00:22:09,710 --> 00:22:10,850 We gotta go. 472 00:22:11,020 --> 00:22:12,400 This one? Hold on, hold on. 473 00:22:12,570 --> 00:22:14,640 - Get in, man. - Colin Robinson! 474 00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:16,130 Let'’s go. We have to go. 475 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,340 I don'’t want to get my cape caught. 476 00:22:27,070 --> 00:22:28,350 Ah. 477 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:29,830 - Oh, home. - Oh, yes. 478 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,040 - We'’re home. - Ooh, doggy. 479 00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,210 - Baron? - Well, well, well. 480 00:22:33,390 --> 00:22:34,600 You'’re okay! 481 00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:35,910 Look who came home! 482 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,360 Baron, how did you get back so fast? 483 00:22:38,530 --> 00:22:43,120 Did you know that Staten Island has an above-ground train? 484 00:22:43,290 --> 00:22:45,220 - It'’s actually quite pleasant. - Hey... 485 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:50,270 And it gave me a chance to open up that Louise Penny I have on audiobook. 486 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:52,270 - Love her. - She'’s okay. But a quick question. 487 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,130 What the hell were you thinking? 488 00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,540 Why did you kill Jerry the Vampire? 489 00:22:57,690 --> 00:23:01,940 B-Because, Baron, Jerry was a huge threat to your almighty power. 490 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:03,240 Yes. 491 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:06,210 Which is why I wanted to kill him myself 492 00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:08,910 in front of everyone 493 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,430 to reassert my power. 494 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,600 Do you honestly think that I did not know 495 00:23:13,770 --> 00:23:15,740 this insipid gathering was a trap? 496 00:23:15,910 --> 00:23:17,290 You knew? 497 00:23:17,470 --> 00:23:19,130 Of course I knew. 498 00:23:19,290 --> 00:23:22,290 I didn'’t know Jerry was the enemy, Baron. 499 00:23:22,470 --> 00:23:25,890 But that is no excuse. I have dishonored myself. 500 00:23:26,470 --> 00:23:29,710 But even worse, I have dishonored you. 501 00:23:29,860 --> 00:23:32,310 I will now take my own life. 502 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,140 No. No! No, let me-- 503 00:23:35,310 --> 00:23:37,590 - I will not. - Let her. 504 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,560 - Baron, take my life instead. - Do it. 505 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,490 - Huh. - Hold on here. Are you two a thing? 506 00:23:43,660 --> 00:23:45,730 - No. Not at all. - It'’s early days. 507 00:23:45,940 --> 00:23:48,940 Get up. We'’re going to run out of vampires at this rate. 508 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,950 What the blazes? 509 00:23:53,290 --> 00:23:54,980 Gift. 510 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,650 Oh. Jerry'’s crushed head. Thank you. 511 00:23:57,820 --> 00:23:59,650 Very nice. 512 00:23:59,820 --> 00:24:01,820 You can just lay that down there. 513 00:24:01,990 --> 00:24:04,610 I will find somewhere lovely for it later. 514 00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,610 - Now, we all have much organizing... - Good job. 515 00:24:06,790 --> 00:24:08,410 ...to do for tomorrow evening. 516 00:24:08,550 --> 00:24:10,760 To set this right. 517 00:24:10,930 --> 00:24:13,350 Here we are again. 518 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,520 Jerry tried to tear us apart. 519 00:24:16,700 --> 00:24:19,530 But we, unlike Jerry, 520 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:22,290 will work as one. 521 00:24:22,430 --> 00:24:24,540 - Yes. - For it will take all of us, 522 00:24:24,700 --> 00:24:27,320 all vampires, 523 00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:30,370 to bring the humans of this new world 524 00:24:30,540 --> 00:24:33,510 under our dominion. 525 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:36,340 - Yes! - Any questions? 526 00:24:37,790 --> 00:24:39,210 Ah. 527 00:24:45,590 --> 00:24:48,390 Okay. Anybody else? Let'’s see. There was someone... 528 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:49,630 Ah. You. 529 00:24:51,110 --> 00:24:52,490 Did you have a question? 530 00:24:54,220 --> 00:24:55,910 - Uh, nope. - Are you sure? 531 00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,500 Because I thought I saw your hand go up. 532 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,500 I thought I had a-- had a question, but then y-you answered it. 533 00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:06,020 Just as I thought. 534 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:09,780 Vampires dismissed. 535 00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:13,280 Two nights out in a row. 536 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,580 The Sire'’s never gonna let me hear the end of this. 537 00:25:18,340 --> 00:25:21,650 ♪ Nowhere to run to, baby ♪ 538 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:23,220 ♪ Nowhere to hide ♪ 539 00:25:24,730 --> 00:25:28,220 ♪ I got nowhere To run to, baby ♪ 540 00:25:28,910 --> 00:25:30,950 ♪ Nowhere to hide, no ♪ 541 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,600 ♪ That'’s not love That I'’m running from ♪ 542 00:25:35,290 --> 00:25:37,950 ♪ It'’s the heartache I know will come ♪ 543 00:25:38,610 --> 00:25:41,720 - ♪ '’Cause I know You'’re no good for me ♪ - ♪ You'’re no good ♪ 544 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:44,410 ♪ But you'’ve become A part of me ♪ 545 00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:47,890 ♪ Everywhere that I go Your face I see ♪ 546 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:52,480 ♪ Every step that I take You take with me, yeah ♪ 547 00:25:52,690 --> 00:25:55,690 ♪ Nowhere to run to, baby ♪ 548 00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:58,630 ♪ Nowhere to hide, no ♪ 549 00:25:58,830 --> 00:26:02,660 ♪ I got nowhere To run to, baby ♪ 550 00:26:02,870 --> 00:26:04,220 ♪ Nowhere to hide ♪ 551 00:26:04,420 --> 00:26:05,560 ♪ Nowhere to run ♪ 552 00:26:05,770 --> 00:26:07,770 ♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪ 553 00:26:07,980 --> 00:26:08,740 ♪ Ow! ♪ 43069

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