All language subtitles for T.G.S01E10.1080p.WEB.h264.KOGi_track3_[eng]

- ♪ How do the stars realign ♪

♪ The twinkle in your eyes is
brighter than the moonlit sky ♪

The whole Garcia family
was very much looking forward

to Abuelo and Abuelita's
vow renewal.

- You're an incredibly
lucky woman.

Even luckier that he didn't

catch you
in your big, fat lie.

And now that you're not
working at the salon anymore,

there's no reason
he'll ever find out.

In a way, it's all perfect.

- ♪ This was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise ♪
- No, no, no, no, no, no, cut.

This is all wrong.
Where is the emotion, people?

We're at a vow renewal.

The only thing we're renewing
right now is boredom.

- Mija, we appreciate you
organizing all this for us,

but we don't need it
to be a big production.

- Well, at this rate,
your wish may come true.

Now reset and go back
to your dressing room.

- I thought you were
gonna get a haircut, Abuelo.

- Yeah, I was gonna go in, but
then I decided to let it grow.

Abuelita likes to run her
fingers through my long locks.

- [groaning]
- Ew.

- Where are we
with my appetizer tasting?

- Don't worry,
Max and I are on it.

- Don't let me down.

I really took a chance
on you, Victoria.

- A chance
that no one else wanted

to be your unpaid
helper monkey.

- Executive assistant
helper monkey.

Now, let's go.
We have a lot to do.

[upbeat music]

- I think Mom and Dad
should vow

to never put her in charge
of anything ever again.

- [laughs]

- Thanks, but it wasn't
that funny.

- No, really.
[laughs]

- Okay, I guess it kind of was.
[laughter]

- All right, then.
Okay, sounds good, then.

Okay, sounds good.
Bye.

Sorry, bro.
What'd you say?

- Nothing important.

So were those the guys that
you're making the deal with?

- Oh, yeah, no, I'm gonna have

to go meet up with them
tomorrow.

- You'll be back on time, yeah?

- Of course, man.

This vow renewal is,
like, the most important thing.

Go for Carlos.
Oh, I'm here.

No, yeah, no, I'm here.
No, yeah, yeah, I got you.

Okay, sure.
No, I can be there.

- Hi, Tío George.

- If he wasn't your father,
Alexa...

- Excuse me, Ray.

I just wanted to ask,
how are your vows coming?

- I don't know,
I'll get to them.

- Get there soon;
it's a vow renewal,

"vow" being the operative word.

- Well, if worse comes
to worst, I'll just wing it.

- No, no, no,
you cannot wing it.

Do you remember my wedding
when Carlos tried to--

wicka-wicka--
freestyle our vows?

Yeah, he started quoting
Sir Mix-A-Lot,

and I don't even have
that much back.

So...

- I don't know what that means.

Lorena, can I get
a bathroom break?

[sighs]

[bright music]

♪ ♪

- [speaking Spanish]

Ay, gordito.

[speaking Spanish]

Where are you going?

- Well, Carlos is out of town
closing that deal

and I'm all caught up on work,

so I thought I'd hang out
by the reflecting pool.

- Okay, but just be careful,

because the sun
is really hot today

and you don't want to fry

that delicate American skin
of yours.

- It's not that delicate.

- Of course not, mi amor,

but just in case, your SPF 75
is in the bathroom

next to your goat milk
anti-wrinkle cream, okay?

- It's preventative.

- Wow, George, I am impressed.

- Just trying to find
my center.

- Although I don't think
meditation

involves beer and chips.

- Well, maybe not
your meditation.

- Hmm.
[power tools whirring]

- What is that noise
coming from the neighbors?

- I don't know but, hey,
don't let it disturb your Zen.

- [chuckles]
So funny.

[whirring continues]

Come on!

[sighs]

[door creaking]

- Excuse me, can I help you?
- I don't think so.

You're not Pablo or Pato.

- And unless you've got a plate
of enchiladas in your pocket,

you're not my lunch.

- Ah, yeah.
Where are Pablo and Pato?

- Somewhere spending the money
we gave them

to rent out the house
to shoot the new season

of "Keeping Up
with the Cartels."

- Okay.
- I'm Josh, the director,

though you'd never know it,
because a director

would have his lunch by now,
Miranda!

- I'm sorry.
I'll call the caterer again.

- [sighs]

- "Keeping Up
with the Cartels"?

- Yeah, we're in
our fifth season.

I'm assuming you've seen it.

- I don't watch a lot of TV.

- You are frickin' joking.

- I just have a hard time
keeping up with pop culture.

- All right,
I'll get back to you.

[sighs]
- I swear those things

should have an "occupied" sign
on your forehead.

- So my day just got worse,
which is bad,

considering I still don't
have any lunch!

- Working on it.

- One of my actors just went
into rehab for the...

Fifth time.

- Yeah, look,
so this has been great

and whatever, but...

[suspenseful music]

[laughs]

This is so cool.

What?
Oh.

- Huh.

I really like your look.

You have a real,
authentic Mexican vibe now.

- Really?
I mean, you know,

I've gotten that before.

[speaking Spanish]

- Yeah, I don't really
speak Mexican,

but listen,
it's a small part, but...

- You don't speak Spanish.

You don't speak Spanish.
It's Mexican, not Sp--

Are you offering me a role?

- I'm offering you a dream.

What do you say, amigo?

- Whoa, no speak-o.

I just know the one word,
"amigo."

Miranda, I want
my frickin' lunch, rápido.

- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

- Wow, I guess
I know two words now:

"amigo" and "rápido."

- You know what? I'll do it.
- Great.

Adios.

- Ah.

- The gun.

- Yeah.

♪ ♪

There's no doorknob.
How do you...

[panel beeping]

All right, yeah, well, clever.

Better way to do that.

[scoffs]

- Hmm, so he didn't even
make you audition for it?

- Nope, he just said
he really liked my look.

- Hmm.

- That I had an authentic
Mexican vibe.

- Has Josh ever met
a real Mexican?

- Well, he has now.

- Ah.
- Oh, Lorena, hope I'm not

stepping on your acting toes
with this.

- No, go for it.

I found acting
to be superficial.

I'm a producer now.

- Mm.
- Ugh, look at this jamón.

I said ibérico, not serrano.
[groans]

[sighs]

- She's getting crazier, right?
It's not just me?

- George, have you
ever actually seen

"Keeping Up with the Cartels"?

- Not technically.

- Well, "technically"

it's filled
with awful stereotypes

of Latinos playing drug lords
and gangsters.

- Maybe I'll play
the wise but tough teacher

who introduces the kids to math
and gets them off the streets.

- Mm.

- Say hello
to my little friend.

[mimics gun firing]
- Basta.

- [sighs]
I love fruity circles. Mmm.

- All right, now, remember,
tomorrow is the big day,

and there is no "I"
in "cooperation."

- Um, actually there is a--
no, you're right.

- I have to go upstairs
and check on the bride.

- [sighs]
So I guess that's it.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
where are you going?

- We got our marching orders,
so we're marching.

- You got Tía Lorena's orders,

not mine.

- Why do you get
to give orders?

- Because if you don't listen
to my orders,

she's gonna find out
you didn't obey her orders.

- But we are.

- Not if I don't tell her
you are.

- You can't do that.
- Can't I?

You scratch my back,
I scratch yours.

Now, who wants
to make me lunch,

and who wants
to scratch my back?

Seriously, it's been itching
all morning.

- I'll make lunch.

- Meanwhile, my Abuelita
decided to finally come clean

about her secret job.

- Ray, I did not retire.

I've been working
at a local salon

behind your back.
[groans]

Don't worry, it has not had
any impact on my health,

but you deserve to know.

And if that means
that you want to cancel

this vow renewal ceremony,
I understand--

- No!

No, no, no, no, no.

- Mija, you heard
my little secret.

- Yes.

So are you still working
at the salon?

- Well, no,

but renewing our vows

when I'm still keeping
this big secret,

it just doesn't feel right.

- Mami, you are the heart
and soul of this family,

but this is
a vow renewal ceremony,

not a "I'm keeping a big, fat
lie from my family" ceremony.

- Maybe you're right.

I've kept this secret
for so long now.

Maybe I should just wait
and tell him afterwards.

- Exactly, and you don't want
to miss my big, beautiful day.

Uh, your big, beautiful day.

- [laughs]

- Mi amor.

- [snores]
Ay, papi.

[laughs]
- Who are you?

What are you doing in my room,
in my bed?

- Calmate, George.

I'm the ghost
of Hollywood past

and Hollywood present,
for that matter.

- You need to be the ghost
of getting out of my room.

- Calmate, George.

I'm the bearer of good tidings.

Josh, the vato
from next door,

he wants to do a TV series
about you and your family.

And it's called--wait for it...

"The Garcias."

- Huh?

- Watch.

- Wait, who is that?

And what is she doing
at the head of my table?

- Well, it's Hollywood, bro.

Mexicans can't own a house
this nice.

- Come on.
That's not true.

There are plenty
of Mexicans on TV--

- Name one.
- Well, I mean--

- That's not the head
of a drug cartel.

- Yeah, I got nothing.
- Mm.

- I climbed the border wall

and swum the Rio Grande

just to blow leaves for you,
señora.

[canned laughter]

- How is that funny?
- Well, it's funny

if non-Latino writers
in Hollywood say it's funny.

Bro, they got
over a half a century

of doing the same stuff
over and over, chale.

- Ay, dios mío, mi señora.

I'm so sorry.
I let your coffee get cold.

[speaking Spanish]

- Why is my wife a maid?

Look, don't get me wrong.

Gardeners, maids,
these are honorable,

hardworking professions,
but that's not all we are.

- Not in Hollywood, homey.
Yeah.

But it's okay.
[speaking Spanish]

The show's gonna be
aspirational as well, watch.

- Oh, okay, this is better.

- Business is booming.

We just moved 25 kilos today.

- Aw, come on!

- I only killed
five people today,

and I am exhausted.

- Seriously?

How many negative stereotypes
could you possibly--

- Say hello
to my little friend.

- Hey, ese,
should I shoot 'em like this

or like this?

Or like this or like this?

- I like number three the best.

- Oh, number three,
all right, all right.

- Yeah.
- Shoot 'em.

Come on, man.

[all speaking Spanish]

- Five kilos.

[all talking at once]

[gunfire]

- [gasps]

- I think I know why you want
to be Mexican so bad.

I mean, look how they treat you
in TV and movies, bro.

But then you go anywhere else
in the world

and no one sees you like that.

They see you.

They see how beautiful
you are--

your food, your music,
your culture,

your commitment to family.

Chale.

- So what am I?

- I got good news.

You're 200%--

100% Mexicano
and 100% American.

You don't have to choose.

- [breathing heavily]

Thank God.
Oh.

- [speaking Spanish]
- You're all okay.

- Yeah.
- And normal.

Are you packing heat?

- What is wrong with you?

- You look like you've seen
a ghost, mijo.

- Hey, cool T-shirt,
Tío George.

- Ah, mi amor, I'm glad

the shirt I bought you
fits perfectly.

I think it says it all.

- Thank you, amor.

And now I got to go next door

and tell Josh I'm 100%
not doing his stupid show.

- [speaking Spanish]
I'm so proud of you, mi amor.

- I hate to keep
bringing this up,

but he's also
100% Puerto Rican.

- Victoria's so bossy
with all her stupid demands.

It's hard to live
with the whole family

cooped up in one place.

- I can't imagine
what it's like

living with a bunch of people
in the same--

oh, wait a minute.

I was on the space station

with a lot of people
for months on end.

- The space station.

That would be my dream.

- Yeah, except up there,

when you want to go out
and get some fresh air,

there is none.

- I missed you so much,
Tío Larry.

- Oh, I missed you too.

- Andrea, my bed's not
gonna make itself.

- Uh-oh, Victoria's
on the warpath.

- You know my sheet--

Oh, my God, Tío Larry!

When did you get in?
- Just now.

Came right up the beach
and found Andrea.

I think she's hiding from you.

- Of course she is.

Everybody, Tío Larry's back
from space!

Come on.

Everyone, Tío Larry's back!
[people cheering]

- Even though our family
is super close,

we always felt like there was
a piece of us missing,

floating out in space.

Uncle Larry was always good
at surprises,

but this one was his best.

Wait a second, how did you get
from up there to down here?

- Oh, really carefully.

[laughter]

- We love you, Tío Larry!

- Whoo!

- ♪ Paradise ♪

♪ The sunset fades
into twilight ♪

♪ Dancing through the night ♪

♪ Enough ♪

- I'm so happy
that Uncle Larry's back.

- Me too.

I can't wait for him
to hear my song.

I bet he's gonna be
super amazed.

- That's kind of a high bar
considering he's been in space,

but you got this.
[laughter]

- Here, try these.
It's for the reception.

- Looks good.

Mmm.

Amazing.
- Yum.

- It's a brie, fig, and
prosciutto quesadilla bite.

- What are you doing?

- Have you guys seen the rings?

I've been looking for them
all morning.

- Maybe.

That sounds like
valuable information.

I wonder how much
something like that would cost.

- I think making
all our beds for a week

would be a great start.

- Okay, a week?

- You're right.
Two weeks sounds better.

You scratch our backs,
and--oh, yeah,

and we're also going to need
our backs scratched.

- Yeah.
- Okay, fine.

Now, where are they?

- Look inside your heart.

- What is that
supposed to mean?

- The heart-shaped box
in your backpack.

- [sighs]
Thank God.

Wait a minute.

You had me carry them

the entire time
I was looking for them?

- In the one place
I knew you'd never look.

- Your heart.

- Wait a minute,
are you saying that--

you--

[groans]

Whatever, I don't--
[groans]

- You guys are my heroes.

both: Pew, pew.
- Gug, gug, gug.

♪ How do the stars realign ♪

♪ The twinkle in your eyes
is brighter than ♪

- I swear Carlos would be late
to his own funeral,

which might happen
sooner than he thinks

if he doesn't get here.

- ♪ That this was paradise ♪

- Sorry I'm late.
- Too close.

- My flight was delayed.

Larry?

Awesome.
- Hey, bro.

- Welcome back to Earth.
How are you?

- We'll catch up later.
- Okay.

Hey, George,

I think I just made
an amazing deal, bro.

- Just glad
you made it here.

- Good afternoon.
Thank you for being here.

We're here to celebrate
the renewal

of the wedding vows
of Ray and Sonia Garcia.

- Excuse me, Father.

I'd like to say something.

- Oh, God, he's winging it.

- You remember
when I winged it?

Of course you do.

- Sonia, I tried to write vows,

but words can't measure up

to the wonderful life
we've built together.

So I thought,

why not let some pictures
do the talking?

Andrea?

- Everybody
open your cell phones.

There's a link
that you can see.

- Hold on. What's happening?

- ♪ Never have I ♪

♪ Ever loved the way
that I loved you ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Love notes in your smile ♪

♪ Gets me ready
for another day ♪

♪ Everything I do ♪

♪ Working hard
taking care of you ♪

♪ Hopelessly I fall in love
each and every day ♪

♪ And I do ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da, da, da ♪

- I've been lying to you.

[all gasp]

- What?
- I've been sneaking around

behind your back working at
a salon these past few months.

It hasn't affected
my blood pressure,

you can believe me.

Although I feel it might be
pretty high right now.

I tried to tell you so many
times, and I just couldn't.

And now, seeing this beautiful
video of our life together,

I just can't go on
lying to you.

- Did anyone else
know about this?

Wow.

Um...

I think I have to take a walk.

Excuse me.

- Ray, let's talk.

♪ ♪

- Dad.
- Hey, mijo.

Hey, sorry it's not such
a great homecoming for you.

- You know, Dad,
you've given me

a lot of great advice
over the years.

It's really made me
the man I am today.

- Well, thank you, Larry,

but that's just what fathers
are supposed to do.

- Can I return the favor,
give you some advice?

You know, when you're up there,

the Earth just seems so small.

You know, when I see things
like the video you made,

our world, our family,
our love,

it feels so big.

And to be a part of it

in this speck of dust
floating through space

would make anyone
feel pretty damn lucky.

- Yeah, I know in the great
scheme of things,

the lie isn't such a big deal,
but...

it is to me.

- Dad, her work
was a huge deal to her.

I mean, we had a salon
in our home.

It wasn't just something
she did.

It was a big part
of who she was

for so long.

And to give that up?

- But why did she feel
she had to lie to me?

I thought I was
her best friend.

- I guarantee, Mom really
struggled not to tell you.

Sometimes we try
more than anything

not to hurt
the people we love

but end up hurting them
more than we planned.

- You know, you're pretty good
at this advice thing.

- I learned from the best.
Ah!

- You know,
when you have four kids,

sometimes you have
to improvise.

- Like when I was nine and you
told me the only reason

why Patty Pinknee didn't like
me was because she had been

hypnotized at a birthday party

and could no longer
like handsome boys like you.

- Yeah, I was kind of
running on empty that day.

You know, I think
I'm gonna go find your mom.

- Okay.

- Okay, nobody panic.

They'll be back
sooner rather than later.

- Hey, maybe we could get

another couple
to renew their vows.

- Oh, yeah,
okay, thanks, George.

Way to talk about
my beautiful ceremony

when it's in shambles and--
- We can always do it.

- [gasps]

- Dad.

- Mi amor,
what are you doing here?

- I was able to get
a last-minute leave,

so George flew me out.

- [squeals]

That's so sweet.

Why didn't you tell me
you were doing this

before I called you stupid,
stupid?

- Dad, I need to show you
the cool beach

and cook for you.

Can we go skateboarding too?

- I'm not very good,
but we can try.

- [laughs]

- You're the best, Tío George.
- Oh.

Happy to help, bud.

- Oh, good.

Gordito.
- Hmm?

- Is he staying with us too?
- Ooh.

- Oh, good, I was just thinking
the house isn't full enough.

- Uh-huh, yeah.
- Uh-huh.

- Mi amor,
you and Max are my whole heart.

You're my entire world.

And if it's okay with you,

I'd love to stand
in front of our family

and renew my everlasting
commitment to you both.

- If you need some help
with the vows, I got you.

- Shh!

- You heard him, everyone.
People, places.

You two, in the back.
You, go in the front.

Go, go, go, go, go.
Queen bee is back in the hive.

- Good job, mija.

[cheers and applause]

- Good afternoon,
we are here today to celebrate

the renewal of wedding vows
and family vows.

- You know,
it took Andrea and I forever

to put
that video together.

- Oh, Ray.

- It was really hard
to edit it down

to less than 36 years.

- I wanted to tell you
a million times.

- I don't want to keep you
from working.

I was just worried
about your health.

You're my best friend.

I want you to be able
to say anything to me.

- I'm sorry.

And I love you, Ray.

- I love you, Sonia.

- Let's go back to our party.

- I vow to always
be there for you

in sickness and in health
till death do us part.

- And I vow to never
hide anything from you again.

- And I vow to remember
that I am the luckiest man

on the planet to be able
to spend my life with you.

- And I vow to always
remind you of that.

[laughter]

Let's go back to that party
our kids have planned for us.

- Of course.

- And with renewal
comes new possibilities

and what they hold
for the next chapter

in the story of the Garcias.

[speaking Spanish]

Everything for the family.

- So good
to have you back, Lar.

- Ah.

- You too, bro.

- We missed you, Larry.

- I just love that I'm taller
than both of you now.

- All right.
- Oh, wow.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
to the brothers Garcia.

- Cheers to that.
- Cheers.

- Tío Larry, let's go.

- I want to thank you all
for coming.

Today was
a very interesting day,

but let's have a great night.

- Welcome home
to my mijito, Larry.

- I love you, Mami.
- Whoo!

- I love you.

- Tío Larry,
have you ever heard

of a guy named
Richard Branson?

- Oh, yeah.
He's an amateur.

- And we are so delighted
to see Lorena, Max, and Julian

together as a family again.

- I've never seen Mom
without words.

- Don't worry, Max.
It's not gonna last long.

- [speaking Spanish]

- Everything for the family.

[all speaking Spanish]

- And we'd like to thank Ana
and George for putting us up,

but Sonia and I
have decided

it's time to go back
to San Antonio.

- Oh, no.
- Vacations can't last forever.

- Maybe they can, Dad.

Everyone, I have a huge
announcement to make too.

I just got back
from closing a massive deal

with some investors
that want to buy into

a really cool music app
that I recently acquired.

- Wow.

- But they want me
to take the lead on it.

- Gordito, it's fine.

- Congrats, bro.

- So they're offering
a ton of money

and full relocation services--
get this...

[tense music]

For all of us
to move

to beautiful--

♪ ♪

- ♪ How do the stars realign ♪

♪ The twinkle in your eyes ♪

♪ Is brighter
than the moonlit sky ♪

♪ That's when I knew ♪

♪ Oh, then I knew ♪

♪ That this was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ That this was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ Maybe we can escape ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Maybe we can escape ♪

♪ You and me, any place ♪

♪ That feels right with you ♪