Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- You know, I'm so happy we could finally spend

some quality time together.

- I quit. I quit!

Hey--no!

- [clears throat]

I said it's nice to spend

some quality time together.

- That's Mom for, "Put your phone away."

- Okay, fine. Putting it away.

- I quit. I quit!

- Max!

- And that's Mom for, "I'm not kidding!

Put your phone away!"

- But Mom, your viral video

is still blowing up.

Why not?

You're even more popular

than the llama that plays the bongos.

- Dolly Llama? - Yeah.

- Oh, yeah. She's a total influencer.

- Yeah, she is.

- Thank God we're in Mexico

where nobody will recognize--

- Look, it's "I quit" lady!

[all chanting] I quit! I quit! I quit! I quit!

- Do you mind if I take a selfie?

- Well, I don't really-- - Mind at all.

Uh, make sure you tag her in your post.

#IQuitGirl.

all: Thank you!

- Thanks, Alexa.

- Anytime.

- [speaking Spanish]

- Yes, you found her.

- Stop! Go away.

- [speaking Spanish]

- And he also created...

[speaking Spanish]

- Kids, can you believe this?

- Say "I quit."

- I quit! - Seriously?

- He says here really needs you to be in his new novela.

And he won't take no for an answer.

What do you say?

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Everyone has a dream. A wish.

A desire burning deep in their soul.

But no matter how much you want it,

not all dreams can come true.

- So it's a novela about the ancient Mayans,

and I play Xpiayoc, a woman with a secret

so secretive even she doesn't know what it is.

- Oh, fancy.

- Sorry, mija. Mayan professor in the house.

It's "Xpiayoc."

And what time period are we talking about?

Preclassic, middle-preclassic, classic-classic?

- Does it matter?

- Well, that would affect the tools,

the clothes, the farming techniques.

- Papi, it's called "Amor y Los Mayas,"

not "Amor y Historical Accuracy."

- Tía, I still can't believe you're doing

a show about the Maya.

I'm reading the comic book "The Jaguar Princess."

It's about Mayans too.

- Mayans are in again? - What, "again"?

Please. Mayans were always cool.

- And now suddenly less cool.

- While my Tía Lorena is happy

talking about her exciting new job,

my abuelita is still busy hiding hers.

[phone buzzing]

- Things are just really looking up for me.

You guys know how much I've been wanting to do this

since I was a little girl.

- Trust us. We know. - Seriously?

I went from the "I quit" girl to the "I'm hired" girl.

- Your TikTok just hit 8 million views.

- Wow. - What?

- I think you're still the "I quit" girl.

- 8 million? - 8 million views.

[all speaking at once]

- No, no, no, no. No. Now I am Xpiayoc.

- "Xpiayoc," and actually,

the Mayans had a ritual for this kind of fulfillment,

but at the end, they cut out your heart.

- Ew! - Oh, cool!

- Gross! - Is it--

- Well, if we're done talking about Lorena,

I have some good news too.

Club Elefante Picoso

is having its soft opening tomorrow.

[all cheering]

- Look at us.

The Garcias are taking Mexico by storm.

Lorena has her show.

Carlos and George have the club.

- We are on a roll.

No one can stop us now.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Abuelo might as well have just said,

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"

- Surprise.

I'm ready for my close-up, Garcias.

both: Grandma!

- Oh, no. It's Li Lin.

- Okay. - [laughs]

- Now, who wants money?

- Me! Me! Me! - [squeals]

[all speaking at once]

♪ ♪

- So to what do we owe this visit?

- Oh, I booked a film in the DR,

and I thought I'd swing by to see my favorite girl.

- I'm your only girl, Li Lin.

- Li Lin? Isn't that her mom?

- Mom-ish. - Got it.

- Always nice to see you, Carlos.

- Oh, likewise.

- Oh, wow.

You're traveling with a lot of bags.

- It's just the baggage you can see.

- Okay.

- So where are you staying?

- Oh, some five-star hotel. - Which one?

- Um, one of them nearby.

- Nonsense. You should stay with us.

- Wonderful! [gasps]

And look at that view.

Why are we here clucking like little hens

when there's a beach right there?

Let's go!

[upbeat music]

- Gordito, seriously, you have to listen to me.

- The whole point of getting a big house

is so we can share it with our family.

- Yeah, but it's getting smaller every single day.

- Oh, she's only gonna be here for a couple of days.

- You just worry about getting that lady

out of our house, okay?

Mm. - Okay.

- Ciao.

- Whoa! - Oh, wow!

- It's like an entire Mayan city.

- So cool! - It's so amazing.

- How do you even do this? - How do you do this?

- You know, I never name drop, but Tommy Hanks--

all: Tom Hanks?

- Yes, the Tom Hanks, but I call him Tommy or TomTom.

He taught me how to build sandcastles

while he was on "Castaway."

- No. - No way.

- That's my favorite movie. - That's so--

- Oh, my God. [all speaking at once]

- Yeah, let's go.

- Okay.

all: Bye, Li Lin. - Love you!

- Sonia, why are you all covered up?

You have such a darling body for someone your age.

You know, as they say in showbiz,

70 is the new 40, darling.

- I'm not 70.

- Oh, that's why I thought you look so good.

Yunjin, remember when you were a kid

and we would go to the beach?

- By "we," she means me and my au pair.

- Well, I was paying her.

So really, I was there in spirit and money.

Back a girl up, Sonia.

Your salon must keep you crazy busy.

- Not anymore. She's retired.

- Ah, retirement.

I would love to retire.

Believe me, I tried, but my fans would not allow it.

They call themselves the Li Lin Legion.

[chuckles]

What's that, Ray?

- This is the final chapter of my new book on the Maya.

- Ooh, you're writing a book?

How positively fascinating.

- Really? - Mm.

- You're the only one in this family who thinks so.

- Ah, nonsense. Let me see that.

Li Lin can make anything dramatic.

- You can say that again. - Okay.

Sonia, come on.

You can play my traumatized indigenous ancestor

to whom I'm regaling my tale.

- You know, I'm not really an actor.

- [laughs] I know that.

But sometimes it's enough if you look the part.

Come on, it'll be fun.

Thank you.

[sighs]

Stroke after stroke,

I paddled my canoe up the river

that twisted like a feathered serpent.

- Those aren't my words. - I'm embellishing.

Your words are inspiring me to make it much better.

The jungle trees swayed as the Mayan winds whispered,

"Li Lin. Li Lin.

You'll be in a movie again. They love you."

[phone dings] - Oh.

Oh, look at that.

Lorena's golf cart broke down on the way to the set.

I gotta go help her.

- Oh, mi amor, I can go,

because Li Lin is still reading your fascinating book.

- No, you stay, mi amor.

I--I insist. - Ray!

- Okay, okay. I'll tell you what. I'll go.

[phone dings]

- Oh, my God. - What is it?

- I just realized I scheduled a teeth cleaning.

- I was going to say

they could use a little whitening.

- Hey, bro.

Did you review those key demos

for the marketing meeting?

- Oh, no. I'm sorry.

I've been swamped with club opening stuff,

and my DJ setlist has taken a wakka-wakka-wakka-week.

- Okay. Look.

I know you've got a lot on your plate,

but you can't just let your other responsibilities

fall by the wayside just because of this disco.

- Disco? Did you say disco?

Oh, I've packed just the perfect thing to wear.

- Oh. - I wore it in Singapore

when I went clubbing with Jodie Foster.

- Jodie Foster? - Mm-hmm.

- Your mom could not have picked

a worse time to come visit.

- Is there ever a good time with her?

- I'm being serious.

Okay, this club opening is really important to me.

I have a lot riding on it with George.

- Don't worry. I promise I will manage her.

Okay, I'll go talk to her.

I'll make her listen to reason.

- I've been watching a ton of TikTok dances.

I know them all. Mm-hmm.

I am gonna tear up the dance floor.

Whoo-hoo! Ooh, ooh!

- I am gonna tear out all of the hair on my head.

- The funny thing about dreams is that they're not always

what they seem, for better or for worse.

- Mi amor, look at this spread. - Wow.

- Better yet, Julian. - Hey, Ray.

- Check out this ancient Mayan ruin.

- Dad, stop. - Sorry, Lorena.

I didn't mean to ruin your shot.

It's a little Mayan humor.

- Hey, Dad, coffee over there. It's free.

Okay, mi amor, this is what they call crafty.

- Nice.

- The ancient Mayans didn't have churros.

- Excuse me.

Those churros are for the leads only,

and for Alfonso's mom.

- I'm sorry. First day.

I'm playing Xpiayoc. Best day ever.

- Well, besides our wedding

and the birth of our son, right?

- Oh, yeah. Of--of course. Oh, my God.

I wonder if there's a chair over there with my name on it.

I gotta go. Te quiero. Bye.

- Okay, love you.

- [speaking Spanish]

- Excuse me, are these actors playing Mayans?

- [speaking Spanish]

They're pretty white to be ancient Mayans,

don't you think?

- This is Televisa.

They are supposed to be this white.

- I'm currently working on a book about the Maya.

- Oh, good for you. - Oh, thank you.

The Mayans were oppressed by white Europeans.

So to do this show right, their oppressors

would have to be even whiter than these people.

- Good thing it's not called "Amor y Historical Accuracy."

- I need coffee.

- That's not for you, either. Please.

[upbeat music]

- This is nice, spending time together.

Remember that summer when we made flower crowns

and ran through the tulip fields?

What a great memory.

- That wasn't me.

That was the actor who played your daughter

in the mini-series you did. - Oh, yes.

"The Mother Who Loved Too Much."

Such a fun shoot. Why weren't you there?

- Mm, I don't know. My first day of kindergarten?

- Oh, yeah. How'd that go?

Oh, excuse me, but I just have to say

I absolutely adore your haircut.

- Ay, gracias.

- Where did you get it done? I must know.

I'm going to a disco club later and must look my best.

Ooh, a card. So mysterious.

I love that about you.

- Um, do we know you?

- [laughs] I knew this would happen.

No escaping the Li Lin Legion.

But I'm always happy to meet my fans.

- One of life's greatest mysteries is figuring out

where Li Lin keeps all those headshots.

It's like she has a printer in her purse.

- Who should I make this out to?

No, let me guess. You look like a Gretchen.

- Okay, Li Lin, leave them alone.

They don't know you. Sorry.

- She's just trying to play it cool.

- [scoffs]

We need to talk about Club Elefante.

- Yes, can't wait to break out my TikTok dances.

- Look, this club opening is a big deal for Carlos.

I can't stress enough how much it means to him.

- I know. Why do you think I'm going?

Plus, I'm waiving my appearance fee.

- Could you for once, like, make this less about you?

- Less about me?

Again, I'm waiving my appearance fee.

I never name drop, but George Clooney told me

that he bought his Sedona home

just off grocery store appearance fees.

- Okay, I actually won't name drop,

but you're making some people

in the house a little uncomfortable.

- Darling, please.

Nobody has a problem with me

except for you and your fart app husband.

- Hey, he didn't come up with that idea.

- Even worse.

[both speaking Korean]

[Li Lin groans]

[upbeat music]

[horn honks]

- Beauty salons can be very therapeutic.

However, it's usually the client,

not the stylist, that's spilling their guts.

- Can't believe that woman.

She thought I was 70. Ha.

I'm not 70.

I'm much closer t-- well, I'm not 70.

Some things you just keep to yourself.

Take me, for instance.

Yes, my husband does not know I work here,

but because I'm happy,

our relationship has never been better.

But no, that woman just goes on and on and on.

She doesn't care if anybody's even listening to her.

Do you ever know anybody like that?

- [speaking Spanish]

- Oh, it's probably for the best.

Next. - Ooh.

Someone's got a secret.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[upbeat dance music]

♪ ♪

- You did talk to your mom about

not being a spectacle, right?

- Compared to my 13th birthday, this is nothing.

Her top is still on.

- Thanks for putting that in my head.

- Carlos, don't worry. This is your night.

I am not gonna let her take that from you.

I am gonna be on her like a magnet on a fridge, okay?

Crazy narcissistic fridge.

- I can't believe I shoot my first scene tomorrow!

- What?

I can't hear a single word you're saying.

- I said I have my novela debut tomorrow.

I need to get my beauty rest.

- What?

- I never name drop, but do you know

who can hold his champagne?

Stevie Spielberg.

Did a film with him in Manila.

Chris Walken was in it.

- Oh, really?

- Oh, no, they didn't.

They're playing my song.

♪ ♪

- This is a great place to hang out with Li Lin.

All you gotta do is nod your head

and say, "Oh, really?"

It works like a charm.

- ♪ Step, groove ♪

♪ Clap, move ♪

- Uh, I think I'm gonna go.

I need to rehearse lines.

- Did they hire any actual Mayans yet?

Because if they're blonde and they look like a Viking,

they're probably not Maya.

- What? - What?

[indistinct rap music]

- I saw you talking to Li Lin.

What did she say?

- Is someone a little jealous?

- Jealous?

No, I don't care that you were talking to her.

I wanna know what she said,

'cause she thinks she sees things,

but she does not see the whole picture.

I--you're right. I'm jealous.

- So cute.

- ♪ Move, step, groove ♪

♪ ♪

- Mi amor, I am so happy and so proud of you

for trusting your brother

and letting him take the spotlight.

It's amazing.

- What do I care?

I still got the hottest date at the dance.

- Ooh, gracias.

[speaking Spanish]

And you know what would make you even sexier?

If you get starting to,

you know, like, get those people out of our house.

- Oh, in that case, I'll--

I'll see what I can do.

- Please, mi amor.

Andale, andale, andale.

- Oh, yes. Pato is actually a huge fan of yours, Li Lin.

He's seen all of your movies, TV shows,

even the ones with subtitles.

He even joined one of your fan clubs.

The Li Lin Legion.

[speaking Spanish]

- [speaking Korean]

- I love you too.

Your Korean is so good.

I have just the thing for you.

- Li Lin, there you are.

Stop distracting Pablo and Pato.

They need to set the mic for tonight's speeches.

- It'll be just a second, darling.

Dear Pato,

thank you for the best conversation I've had in years.

- [speaking Korean]

- Listen to him.

I haven't been able to get him to shut up

since Carlos told me

that you were related to the Li Lin.

- And now I can say that I'm related to DJ Koux Tun!

By the way, God bless you guys for having faith in him.

I wouldn't let him near any business of mine because--

- What the heck, Li Lin?

[indistinct yelling]

What the heck, Li Lin?

Those are Carlos's business partners.

You're unbelievable.

Why did you even come here?

- I told you, I came here because I wanted to see you.

You're my family.

- No, I'm not. Okay?

This is my family.

You haven't been my family

since I was five,

and definitely not after my 13th birthday.

- That was a wardrobe malfunction.

- You just love to rewrite history.

You love to think that I had the perfect childhood,

but guess what.

I didn't.

And that's because you always

pick your career over your daughter.

So I don't care which celebrity du jour

is teaching you latte art

or how many nominations you've got.

You've gotta go. Now!

Because I am not letting you ruin this night

for my real family.

- Uh...my lovely wife, everybody.

[scattered applause]

Welcome to Club Elefante Picoso.

- Is there room for one more?

- Are you sure I'm not going to ruin your night too?

- I'll take my chances.

- [sighs]

Yunjin's right.

I guess I do reinvent the past,

because I look back...

And don't like what I see.

- Nobody's perfect.

Look at me, lying to my husband.

I should've quit the salon, and I haven't.

- You can't quit.

When you're there, you glow.

And when something makes you feel like that,

you need to hold onto it for as long as you can.

I may be on the other side of my glory days,

but this is still what I'm good at.

- You're a great actor...

but maybe it's time for you to play a new role.

They still give awards for supporting actors, right?

[gentle music]

Let Yunjin be the lead.

You be her support.

- Thank you.

[warm music]

♪ ♪

Yunjin, are you still up?

- I don't want to talk to you right now, Li Lin.

- It's not Li Lin.

It's Mom.

[uplifting music]

♪ ♪

So nice to see you guys,

and I'm so glad you got to spend time with me.

- Are you sure you can't stay longer?

- [quietly] You're getting less sexy.

- I mean, we'll miss you.

- I wish I could stay,

but the production company

called and moved my scenes up.

- Okay, promise you will text us when you get to the airport

and when you land and when you get to the hotel.

- [laughs] Look who's worried about me.

I love it.

- I love you, Mom.

- I love you.

[soft music]

Carlos, George,

I wish you all the best for Club Elefante Picoso.

- And thank you...

♪ ♪

For everything.

- Same, except for that part where you thought I was 70.

Let's never do that again. - [laughs]

Well, I should get going.

I don't want to miss my flight.

- No, no, no. You don't want to do that.

- Do you really have to leave?

- Who's gonna build us sand castles now?

- Or teach us funny TikTok dances?

- Ha-ha.

both: We're gonna miss you so much.

- Oh, me too!

both: Love you. - Love you.

Oh, I wanted to give you something to remember me by,

and no, it's not cash.

So...who wants plastic money?

[all speaking at once]

- Relax. They're gift cards.

- You're the best grandma ever.

- "Grandma"?

Okay, that's gonna take some getting used to.

- Bye! - Bye! Adios!

- We're gonna miss you so much!

- Bye. - Bye, Mom.

- Sometimes on the path to making your dreams a reality,

an unexpected, better dream comes along.

[upbeat music]

"Todo para la familia." Everything for the family.

♪ ♪

- "Amor y Los Mayas" scene nine, take one.

- Xpiayoc, I have braved Xibalba to find you.

I must share a secret with you that even you don't know about.

- Ah, Aapo. Ah, Aapo--

- Tía, I still can't believe

you're doing a show about the Maya.

- If they're blonde and they look like a Viking,

they're probably not Maya.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- Say your line...

♪ ♪

- ♪ How do the stars realign ♪

♪ The twinkle in your eyes ♪

♪ Is better than a moonlit sky ♪

♪ That's when I knew, oh, then I knew ♪

♪ That this was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ This was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ This is paradise ♪

♪ Paradise ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Maybe we can escape ♪

♪ You and me, anyplace ♪

♪ It feels right... ♪