Original subtitles

[serene music]

- Although my mom is very spiritual,

she's also a creature of habit...

- [speaks native language]

♪ ♪

- And nothing broke her spiritual flow more than...

- [speaks native language]

- [laughing]

- Losing her routine. - Oh, no, that's too good.

[laughs] Ray!

[laughing] Ray, you have to see this.

There's a little cat playing tic-tac-toe

on TikTok, okay? Yep.

- So now that my abuelos have decided

to extend their stay in Mexico with us,

the walls of Mom's Zen space have started closing in,

and her routine feels like it needs a cleansing.

- Okay. [computer chirps]

So my book is--

wait. Am I a cat?

How did that happen?

[plucky orchestral music]

Okay, I am definitely not a cat.

♪ ♪

[meows]

[laughing]

We have gotta change this right meow.

- Tap into your tranquility. - [laughing]

- I can't do this. [sighs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- On the surface, people can appear

to be far apart on their ideas and beliefs,

but what lies underneath may paint a different picture.

[upbeat Latin music]

- Maxi, you excited about staying longer?

- Yeah, it's great.

Still getting used to having all my family

under one roof. - Yeah, we all are.

Have you seen my spirulina juice?

- That green stuff?

It smelled like Tío George's sandals,

so I threw it out. - Of course you did.

[sighs]

That looks delicious.

- I want Mom to know I'm thinking of her.

- [chuckles]

[tender music]

[machine grinding] - Fresh salsa!

- [speaks Korean]

- Oh. [laughs]

Oh, look, it's Ray the cat.

[chuckles] I love the whiskers.

[sniffs] Oh, what is that awful smell?

- It's just sage. Nothing to worry about.

[alarm beeping]

- Well, your smoke alarm disagrees.

- [speaking Korean]

- The alarms going off is turning out

to be quite symbolic for Mom and Abuelita.

While Mom is trying to find her Zen in Mexico,

Aunt Lorena is still in Texas trying to find herself.

Dealing with Max being gone for a while

and Uncle Julian deployed overseas,

she's decided to bury herself in her work.

[phone chimes]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Oh.

♪ ♪

Nice shorts. - Hey, elevator eyes.

Second floor, sweetheart.

- You really need to put the sweetheart nonsense to bed.

I'm not your sweetheart.

- I just wanted to congratulate you.

See, you get live shot, primetime con mi...

[rolling Rs] Conner Rascon.

- Still doing that thing with the Rs, huh?

- It's my brand, Lorena. Ooh, Lorena, Lorena.

That's a good warm-up word. Lorena, Lorena.

- Conner, I don't know if you're aware,

but you tend to rub people the wrong way.

Have you ever thought about maybe being less

of a narcissistic--

- Uh, uh, we're done talking here, sweetheart, okay?

You can go back to doing whatever it is

you lower level people do.

I'm late for hot yoga, sweetheart.

- Not your sweetheart.

♪ ♪

- [singing in Spanish]

♪ ♪

- Meals for La Familia Garcia are like events.

I mean, I've been to soccer games

with fewer people at them. - One second!

- Right here, buddy. - Maravilloso.

♪ ♪

- Gracias. - Ah, delicioso, Max.

- It's awesome being back with my people.

- Sí, but now that it's all of your people,

doesn't this huge house feel small?

[speaks Spanish]

- I don't know why we're talking about throwing

houses out of windows... - What?

- But what I'm saying is I'm really feeling the feels

of mi gente, the people of Mexico.

- George, you know you're half Puerto Rican?

- Yeah, come on, Dad. You know what I mean.

I just--I don't know. I feel like I belong here.

[alarm beeping]

- I apologize. I am still cleansing.

No need for alarm, besides the alarm.

[alarm continues beeping]

- Andrea, why do you have rosary beads?

- Oh, those were a gift from me

for their baptism. - Baptism?

- You know, forgiveness of sins,

safety from the devil, that whole thing?

- Uh, we didn't do that for the girls.

- Oh, I know.

I just assumed you got too busy

with newborns, and then time just got away from you,

but I was thinking why not just do one baptism

for the both of 'em? - We didn't get too busy.

We just decided not to.

- I can't believe my Carlitos would do that.

- [coughs]

- Is it a gift kind of situation?

If so, I'm all-in. - Me too.

- See, the girls want to do it.

Girls, come over here, and I'll show you

the correct way to hold a rosary.

- Uh, no, no, don't worry about it.

I mean, you're on vacation. Relax.

- It's okay. I don't mind.

- We promised them some screen time later today so...

- I honestly don't remember that.

- Okay, girls, you can go put your rosaries

in the drawer with the other toy necklaces.

- [clears throat]

Victoria, you can help Max clean the kitchen, okay?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, Cinderella reporting for duty.

- Victoria, ya. - Gracias.

And I need to meet with Alejandro.

We are going over budgets today.

[speaks Spanish]

- Oh, oh, oh, tell mi hermano-in-law

I said "Hola." - Claro, gordito.

I will tell him you say hi.

[speaks Spanish]

- Yunjin, you need to realize how much baptism

means to our family. It's what we believe.

- Not all of us.

- If you have something to say, say it.

[plucky orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- What's he doing, charades? - Oh, man, I suck at charades.

♪ ♪

Is it baseball? - I'm not sure.

- Maybe it's baseball signs.

- I thought you can't use props.

- No, you definitely can't use props.

[phone rumbling]

♪ ♪

- Wait, what are you--

- Okay, so maybe I'm just

not a real tradition kind of person,

at least not the older, Catholic-y traditions.

Thank you, Sonia, but we really don't think

we need either of our girls to do the baptism thing.

- Oh, really? We who?

- Me and Carl-- where'd he go?

[speaking Korean]

- I know, I know. I don't--

- So much for no man left behind.

- The important thing is we got out

just before getting sucked into that emotional vortex.

Trust me.

Whatever you'd say in there, you'd just make it worse.

- I don't know.

I just feel like I should be helping out Yun

with Mom or something. - Oh.

It's kind of cute that you think Yun needs help.

Have you ever met your wife?

- Look, boys, there are certain fights

about certain subjects it's always best

to stay out of. - Which are?

- If it starts with, "If you have something to say,

say it," then it's time to bail.

- Huh.

So how long should we stay out here?

- That's a good question,

and that actually brings up

important life lesson number two.

Always have snacks. - Huh.

- There's still so much to learn.

- Right now, I imagine your mother is turning to me

to ask...

- Isn't that right, Ray? Ray!

[both coughing]

- Where did Ray go?

- This sage stuff is pretty strong.

- It has to be strong to cleanse the house.

- Back home, we usually just use Febreze.

- Do you think we could save some of this sage

for when Abuelo Ray uses the restroom?

Straight-up demonic. - Yeah.

- We need something in the house to get rid

of all the negative energy.

- As a matter of fact, I have just the thing.

- I've been doing everything I normally do.

Yet somehow, there is more negative energy

than when I begin. I cannot figure this out.

- I see your sage, and I raise you...

The Virgin Mary.

[upbeat music]

- While the shaman is inside

trying to keep Mom and Abuelita

from killing each other,

the guys are just outside killing time.

- So how's the business going?

- Eh. - Great.

- Glad you're on the same page.

- It's--this app stuff just doesn't make much sense to me,

and this translation one that we have,

it's barely doing anything so far.

- Carlos, you can't just put an app out there

and expect immediate success.

- I know that you want me to take more

of an active role in the business side,

but I-I am a people person, a social butterfly, okay?

This other stuff, it's just not my vibe.

- Wow, what a surprise.

Carlos doesn't vibe with hard work.

- Carlos, just because something isn't natural

doesn't mean you can't buckle down and be good at it.

- Yeah, take Dad and his book.

He's by no means a natural writer.

- It's true. - Hey.

Well, I'll admit this latest project

has been a challenge, but you know how hard it is

to make Mayan linguistic diversity

of the pre-classic period sound interesting?

- I think we just found out.

[bass-heavy house music]

- That sounds like house music.

- It sounds like crossfade mixing.

- It sounds like music I don't listen to.

- Dude, come on, let's go check it out.

- I don't want to. Nope, no, no.

- Ah, time to go to my trusty backup bag.

- Look at this place. I mean, this is living.

Dude, this party is bumping, and it's not even 10:00 a.m.

- Yeah, I don't know, man.

I heard some chilangos live here.

- What's a chilango?

- Rich guys from Mexico City, juniors.

- And that's a bad thing?

- No, only if they're entitled and, you know, jerks.

- Qué onda?

If it isn't our American neighbors.

Orale, join us.

Hey, I'm Pablo. This is my brother Pato.

- Mm. - He says hi.

- Oh, well, I'm Carlos, and this is my brother George.

- [speaks Spanish]

- It's cool. We speak English.

Come, come.

Hey, I want to introduce you to everybody.

- See, this is gonna be fun.

♪ ♪

- Hey, I don't know what you were worried about, man.

These guys are awesome. - Yeah, not so sure.

♪ ♪

- Oh, hey, Pablo, so we kept noticing

that you were referring to us as your American neighbors,

but we're Mexican. - No, my friend.

You're not Mexican. - Yes, I am.

- Okay, where were you born? - Okay, yeah.

Texas, but...

- So that makes us Texicans. It's all good, right?

- So you weren't even born in Mexico.

- Well, Texas was Mexico, and, you know,

we never crossed the border. The border crossed us!

Up top!

♪ ♪

Really?

- [chuckles] You're funny.

- Nah.

- He likes you. - Yeah.

[suspenseful music]

- Although he knew my mom and Abuelita hadn't settled

their differences, Abuelo Ray has no choice

but to go back in to get some writing done.

♪ ♪

- Ray.

There you are.

Will you please tell Yunjin

that setting grass on fire

is not as cleansing as baptism.

- It's not grass. It's sage.

- Whatever. - Ugh.

Okay, Ray, can you please tell Sonia

that lighting candles and saying rote prayers

is pretty close to being shamanic.

- Well, uh, can we just pretend that I said the magic words

that you both needed to hear? - All right.

The magic words I need to hear is how Yunjin

is going to let my granddaughters

have a baptism so they don't meet the devil.

- And the magic words I need to hear are that Sonia

respects the fact that I am not religious

but just as spiritual as she is,

and my wishes as a mother.

[together] Would you guys stop?

- If it's gonna cause this much fighting,

we don't even want a baptism,

even if it means giving up all those gifts.

- Would they be really cool gifts?

- Really, Alexa?

I thought religion was supposed to bring people together,

not tear them apart! - See what you're doing?

- What I'm doing? Okay.

Let's get something straight, Sonia.

You're the one who gave them--

- Everyone, take a deep, cleansing breath,

por favor. - [breathes deeply]

- I think I have a solution

that will make both of you happy.

You see, in Mexico, you can peacefully coexist,

and trust me, it was not always this way.

- He's right.

In the 16th century, they had the inquisition.

[plucky orchestral music]

I'm gonna shut up, okay?

[upbeat house music]

- Is that what I think it is?

♪ ♪

- You know what that is?

- It's only the holy grail of DJ mixing equipment.

I used to dream about having one of these

when I was a struggling DJ.

I mean, I went on to become pretty famous

in San Antonio, but I have never mixed

on one of these.

- You want to, um, take it for a spin?

♪ ♪

- Epic.

♪ ♪

- Loves los lobos lollipops.

[rolling R]

Repite por favor.

Gracias. - Uh, how can I help?

- Yeah, I just wanted to let you know

that we're gonna be cutting your segment

just a little bit.

See, we need more me time. More me time.

Ooh, that's a good one. More me time.

- Why does it not surprise me

that that comes to you much easier?

And I already spent a lot of time prepping

for that longer segment.

- Do you know how much prepping

goes into making these teeth this white?

- Do you know how much I don't care?

- For some strange reason, people like to see

field reporters soaking wet, freezing...

[chuckles] Or struck by lightning.

Ratings gold. - So me out in the rain.

Shorter segment, less airtime, great.

- Well, if you want to get more eyes on your segment,

maybe you should consider

having a wet T-shirt contest, hmm?

[chuckles] I'd get on that train.

[chuckles] All aboard!

Choo, choo! [chuckles]

El Chapo loves chewy chocolate chips.

Sweetheart.

[upbeat house music]

♪ ♪

I'm DJ Koux Tun, and I'm out! Peace!

[cheers and applause]

- Whoo, that set, Carlo!

The hottest we've heard, ay? You left Pato speechless.

- Thanks, guys, I mean, to be perfectly honest, though--

I was pretty good though.

[laughter]

- Let's celebrate with some tequila.

- Sure.

Huh? Salud.

- Salud. - Viva Mexico.

Whoo! Oh, ooh, oh!

Yeah, looks like the Mexi-can'ts keep up.

[chuckles]

- This is a $500 tequila. You sip it.

You don't shoot it like some frat boy on spring break.

- Seriously, do you not know how to drink tequila?

- I-- - #AmateurHour.

- Hey, I know how to drink tequila.

That's how you drink tequila.

- That's how you drink cheap tequila.

- Ay, qué oso.

- Oso. A bear?

Wait, how am I a bear?

- No, "oso" is like, "How embarrassing."

Maybe we need to find you a library

so you can learn some Spanish, ay?

- Dónde está la biblioteca? Am I right?

- Really, Carlos?

Having my back means sticking a knife in it.

- Bro, we're just messing around.

- No, come on, Macho Camacho, come back.

No, don't be such a sensitive American.

I mean, Mexican.

No, fine, you're as Mexican as apple pie.

[chuckles]

- Your chilaquiles look delicious as always.

- Thanks, Mom.

I'm having a great time,

but I really wish you were here.

- Me too, Maxito. I miss you so much.

- Let's go live with Lorena Garcia-Ramirez

in Alamo Park for the weather.

- Lorena, you're on the air. Come on.

- Oh, mi corazon, I have to go.

I love you. - Lorena.

- Bye. - Are you there?

Oh, ay, I hope we didn't interrupt

your personal phone call there.

- All good here, Conner. - Really?

Because it looked like you were phoning it in.

But I guess that's nothing really new

for you, is it, sweetheart?

- Although Aunt Lorena's expertise is in meteorology,

she is about to give a lesson

in what a volcanic eruption looks like.

- You know what? I've had it with you, Conner.

- Well, looks like someone's

cloudy with a chance of sass, huh?

- Or maybe I just hung up with my son

to talk about the fact that it's obviously raining

to a guy who spends more money on spray tan

and teeth whitener than the GDP of Guatemala,

so you better not come outside

because this rain might wash away your "Latino-ness,"

Mr. Fake-tino. - Oh, okay, Lorena.

- Oh, here's a mouth exercise for you.

- We're live here. - Conner Fake-tino.

- Let's be professionals. - Fake-tino.

- Why don't you... - Fake-tino!

- Calm down and take a deep breath, sweetheart?

- Sweetheart? Sweetheart?

Tell you what, since you wanted to cut my segment shorter,

how's this? I quit, sweetheart!

Ugh!

- [chuckles]

Well, now that--

now that Hurricane Lorena has moved out to sea,

let's go ahead and throw a Hail Mary pass

out to Buck Tanner in Sports. How about that, huh?

Buck? Buck?

- Mm. - Hola, Gordito.

Mm. - What's going on?

- Oh, just going through these expense reports.

Alejandro's seems to have let these slide

for a few months, and they need sorting out.

- Great.

So Carlos and I were hanging out

with the chilangos next door, and they were saying--

- So we're talking about you now?

- Yes, they kept saying I'm not Mexican.

- [speaks Spanish]

Okay, we need to discuss this obsession

with you calling yourself a Mexican.

- But I am.

- Um, you're Mexican like the American-Irish guy

who drinks on St. Patrick's day to celebrate "his" heritage.

- Okay, yeah, I celebrate way more than Cinco de Mayo.

- Ay. [speaks Spanish]

Mexicans don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo.

- Uh, wait--

- Amor, it's just that you've been claiming

to be Mexican since we got married 12 years ago.

It's kind of cute, but... - But what?

- You have to look in the mirror sometimes.

Mexicans don't dress that way.

Hawaiians don't even dress that way.

[chuckles] No.

[laughter]

- Yeah, no, yeah, anybody else want to spin

the funny haha wheel on George?

- [speaks Spanish] Look at me.

As we say in Mexico... [speaking Spanish]

- That doesn't even make sense. - It does to a Mexican como yo.

Hawaiano, Mexicano.

- Yeah, yeah, para eso. - Yeah.

- Mexicano.

[upbeat music]

- [singing in Spanish]

♪ ♪

- What's someone gotta do to get Max's famous chilaquiles?

- Mom! - Surprise!

- Oh, I missed you! - I missed you too!

[tender acoustic music]

♪ ♪

- You can have the baptism here in our cenote.

It is known as a place of unity

where the people, they come together.

- Because the planet has blessed us

with such a place of beauty,

and this is the water of life.

It's really a perfect place for a baptism.

- Sonia, Yunjin, Padre Bourn is correct.

You need to open up your heart and minds

for the belief of others. - I agree.

- Just stop focusing on your differences

and celebrate each other's spiritual journey.

- Look, it's a beautiful place,

but it's still a baptism.

I mean, I just don't see the point of it.

♪ ♪

- What's wrong?

I thought since your shaman guy approves,

you'd be all right with this.

- I see you roll your eyes when it comes to my beliefs.

I mean, you think that the sage and crystal energy

and reiki that I practice

is just a bunch of new age nonsense,

but it's important to me.

I mean, it's hard enough to be in a family

where everyone else is Catholic without feeling

like my beliefs don't matter.

And maybe if my beliefs don't matter,

then I don't matter.

- I am so sorry.

You're right.

I had no idea what it would feel like

to be in your situation, and I know I would not like it

if the roles were reversed.

If you don't want the girls to be baptized,

you are their mother.

I respect your decision.

- Maybe we can work something out.

- Oh, Yunjin, that would be so great.

- I can feel my chakras realigning.

- [chuckles]

- Hey, you didn't roll your eyes this time.

We're making progress.

[tender music]

[bowl rings]

♪ ♪

- Let this day be a blessing for these children

who carry on the traditions, as they are filled

with love and light.

[bowl rings]

- I baptize you in the name of the Father,

the Son, the Holy Spirit. - Amen.

- I baptize you in the name of the Father,

the Son, the Holy Spirit,

for the forgiveness of sins

and the gift of the Holy Spirit.

♪ ♪

- Felicidades, mi amor! - Oh.

- Now you run, baby! - What is she--?

- Whoo! - No, no, no, no!

- No, no!

- Or you can do it that way too.

♪ ♪

- Whoa! - Whoo!

- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!

- Mom and Abuelita have now learned

about the art of compromise and how it's okay

for people to start in different places

as long as you meet in the middle

where family lives.

Todo para la familia. Everything for the family.

- Would it be offensive if I offered you some liquid Zen?

- Amen to that.

- Hey, bro, sorry things went a little too far the other day.

- Whatever, it's over.

- Something good did come of it.

You know how you want me to take a more active role

in the business? - Sure.

- Pablo and Pato are opening up a club.

They want us to invest 25%. - Really?

Interesting. - I think it's a great idea.

We should totally get in on this.

Well, what do you think?

- I think...

there's no way we're doing that.

[plucky orchestral music]

- I thought we were partners though.

- Mom! - Tía Lorena!

You're on YouTube. - What?

Can I see? - I want to see!

- Oh, my God. - Wow, Mom.

You're blowing up. - I quit, sweetheart!

[laughter]

- You're gonna be famous. - Oh, my goodness.

This is so funny. That's so funny.

- I love that one. - Oh, my God.

- ♪ How do the stars ♪

♪ Realign the twinkle in your eye ♪

♪ Brighter than a moonlit sky ♪

♪ That's when I knew ♪

♪ Oh, then I knew ♪

♪ That this was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This was paradise ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Paradise, paradise ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Baby, we can escape ♪

♪ You and me anyplace ♪

♪ It feels right with you ♪