Original subtitles

♪♪

[dramatic music on TV ♪]

It never fails.

I've seen "Love Story" seven times,

and I always lose it.

Wait a minute, it's-it's already over?

Yeah, you missed the deathbed scene.

Oh, who died?

Ali MacGraw.

Aw, geez, I didn't even know she was sick.

[sniffling] I hope I look that good when I die.

You don't look that good now.

That was the saddest movie I have ever seen!

Next time, we rent a Steven Seagal film.

People don't just die in his movies, they explode.

Slater, you are so insensitive.

Come on, now, I'm as sensitive as the next guy.

I just think it's dumb for a guy to cry over a mushy little film.

Right Mike?

[crying] What?

Oh, come here, you big gallute.

There's no shame in a man showing his feminine side.

Hey, I don't have a feminine side.

Even if I did, it'd...

...be really... macho.

So, who wants to go out and grab a pizza?

- I do. - All right, let's go.

Hey, Kel, you comin'?

Yeah, well, we-we could go out for pizza, or...

...we could stay here and be alone.

Talk about a no-brainer.

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow today ♪

I don't see why you're so upset.

So, I don't wanna go to the stupid car show with you.

It's not just the car show, Alex.

You never wanna do anything that I wanna do.

I went to all those dumb football games, didn't I?

You had to. You were the mascot.

Still counts.

You know, if she won't go with you to the car show,

I will.

Oh...

- Aren't you in my history class? - Yeah!

- You like cars? - Are you kidding?

I hear they have a cherry '59 Vet there.

It's got a 283 cubic inch V8.

- My name's A.C. Slater. - Christy.

So, uh, what do you say?

You wanna ride with me to the car show?

Well, I dunno. You see, uh,

Alex and I are sorta... you know, goin' out.

Does Alex have a '67 Mustang?

Alex who?

Please.

Another moment of that, and I'm going to have to have a cigarette.

Kelly, dear, I have some wonderful news for you.

As the administrator of the Semester on the Sea program,

I'm here to inform you that you have been accepted.

Well, how could that be?

I thought I was rejected for the program.

I know, but a couple of people have dropped out.

The ship sails Tuesday.

That is, if you'd still like to go.

Uh, Dean McMann, we really appreciate your interest,

but I think I speak for Kelly when I say--

I'd love to.

And by the way, I speak for Kelly.

[chuckles]

Honey, you can't be serious.

I mean, the Semester on the Sea program,

that means you'll be on the sea... for a semester.

And you're only a freshman?!

Look, Zack, this is a chance for me to cruise the Mediterranean,

I mean, to see the Pyramids, the Parthenon, the Coliseum.

Well, that's great, but what about me?

Gee, you can see the Mediterranean on a cruise ship,

or East Oakland on a moped.

Tough choice!

- I had a great time, Slater. - Yeah, me too.

I've never met a girl who knows so much about cars.

Boy, I would love to take you home to Mom.

- [giggling] Really? - Yeah.

She's got a Falcon that needs a lube job.

Any time.

Yeah, well, I... guess I'd better say goodnight.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight, Slater.

Call me.

Uh, I was just coming back from my study group, and...

I didn't see anything.

Uh, what exactly didn't you see?

I didn't see... what you weren't doing,

scum!

Listen, listen, listen, this is not what you think.

Oh, really?

'Cause I think you were kissing another woman

while your girlfriend is downstairs baking you cookies.

[knock on door] Yep?

- Professor Lasky. - Hey, Zack.

Hi, there.

I just came by to tell you how much I enjoyed your lecture this morning.

That's really amazing, considering you slept through the whole thing.

I wasn't sleeping, I had my eyes closed in intense concentration.

You were drooling on your desk.

I was merely salivating over your incredible insight into...

- 14th Century religious icons? - Exactly.

Oh, I was discussing pygmy mating rituals.

Shoot, I slept through that?

What do you want, Zack?

Honestly, I just need a recommendation from a professor

so I can go on the Semester on the Sea program.

Oh. Man, I'd love to,

but a student I recommended yesterday beat ya to it.

Oh. Well, I...

...don't suppose you could tell me who the student is.

No, Zack.

I'm not gonna have you con some gullible student into not going.

[laughing] Oh, sir, please, I'm offended.

Besides, I'm sure whoever the student is,

he's far too bright to fall for anything like that.

Ship ahoy!

- Hi, Zack. - Hey.

Professor Lasky, I wanted to thank you for your recommendation.

My pleasure. Let me get your papers.

Oh, good.

Mm, now let's see.

Screech, who's my oldest friend, or...

...Kelly on the lido deck in a string bikini?

Talk about another no-brainer.

Here he comes.

Okay, Stingray, here's your 20 bucks, man.

Now, remember, make it scary.

Scary... Cool.

Stingray, what brings you here?

I come as a friend, man.

I don't think you should go on that sea thing.

I heard they had a shark attack last time out.

Oh, now, Stingray, Screech is committed to going.

I'm sure a couple little sharks aren't gonna scare him.

Speak for yourself!

I wanna hear this Stingray, what happened?

Some student dude fell overboard playin' volleyball.

He got eaten alive by some major chompers.

Well, I don't play volleyball.

I don't play any sports. Guess I'm safe.

Uh, Stingray, you know, the way you told me the story,

wasn't that guy playin' with his Mr. Potato Head collection?

Playing with his Mr. Potato Head?

That could be me!

Me too.

[door closes]

Slater, we can't keep avoiding each other.

We have to talk about what I saw.

No, we don't.

You can't just ignore it and hope it'll go away.

Hey, somethin' works for me, I stick with it.

Look, it was a mistake.

The last thing I wanna do is hurt Alex, Leslie,

it's just that Christy and I have so much in common.

Slater, Alex is my friend and you are putting me in a very awkward position.

Okay, okay.

I promise I'll talk to Alex about it the first chance I get.

[door closes] Talk to me about what?

Okay... fine...

...here it is.

Alex, I went to the car show with...

...someone other than you.

Who?

- Chris-- - Tea--

No thanks, I'm drinkin' orange juice.

Well, I don't know Chris,

but I hope you guys had a good time.

Oh, well, we did.

Catch ya later!

All right, he is acting really weird.

Now, what is going on?

Well, Alex, I really shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but...

...that top really doesn't go with those pants.

Gotta run.

Zack! What are you doin' here?

Well, Screech, you're goin' off to sea,

and I'll probably never ever see you alive again.

Zack, I just got off the phone with my mother.

She says that ocean travel's perfectly safe.

Screech,

need I remind you of the tragedy of the S.S. Minnow?

Huh?

Who are ya gonna believe?

Your mom or Gilligan?

Gilligan, of course!

What was I thinking?

Hey, Kelly,

I'm as good as in.

Oh, that's wonderful. Are you sure?

Well, let's just say I have a feeling that

somebody's gonna be dropping out very soon.

Hi, there! Name's Curtis.

Hi, there. Zack Morris.

I see you've met Kelly... my girlfriend.

Yes.

We've been talking about the trip.

Yeah, Curtis' cabin's right next to mine.

Isn't that funny?

[unconvincing laugh] Hysterical.

Okay, everybody, take your seats.

I'd like to begin this orientation with a slide presentation

of last year's Semester on the Sea.

Lights.

[clears throat] All right, then.

Here we are sailing through the majestic

and historic Straights of Gibraltar.

Next stop on our journey, Rome,

where we'll study ancient architecture and art.

But, it won't be all work.

We'll be having fun on board, as well.

[laughter]

There's nothing like a refreshing swim in the Mediterranean...

[laughter]

...and meeting new, interesting friends.

[laughter]

What is the meaning of this?

The meaning of this is I'm outta here!

- I'm not going! - Lights.

All right, everybody, just take a break

while I go through the remainder of these slides

and try to figure out who to fire.

Dean McMann, oh, it's...

...too bad about Screech, huh?

Guess you'll need to find a replacement.

Don't tell me. You'd like to fill his spot?

I'm sorry, you can't go.

Why not?

I have the grades, and Professor Lasky'll recommend me.

Yes, but you don't meet the character requirements.

[scoffs] What's wrong with my character?

You don't have any.

That's not fair!

I know. [chuckles]

It's good to be the dean.

You know, Curtis,

I've been alone on this ship for two days.

I don't think I can take it anymore.

But what about your boyfriend back at the dorm?

What boyfriend?

That blond-haired guy.

Blond-haired guy?

Oh, you mean, um, what's his name.

- Zeke. - Right, Zeke.

Ah, don't worry about him.

It's not like we're married.

Ah!

[sighs] Kelly.

[whispering] Kelly.

Kelly.

Kelly, wake up.

Listen, I can't let you go on that trip.

Zack, we've been through this.

I'm sorry you didn't make it in, but I can't pass it up.

Kelly, I have lost you before.

I don't wanna lose you again.

A lot can happen in three months.

Like what?

Like you can fall in love with someone else, and besides,

my name is Zack, not Zeke.

Zack, I think you'd better go back to bed before you wake up Alex and Leslie.

But, Kelly, I love you.

I don't wanna let you go.

Zack, I love you, too.

But this is a great opportunity, I have to take it.

[sighs]

Look, everything's gonna be all right. You'll see.

No. No, it won't. We have to be together...

...always.

Zack, what do you want from me?

I want you...

...I want you to marry me.

What?!

- What?! - What?!

Marry you? Zack, you can't be serious.

Kelly, I have never been more serious in my whole entire life.

I just can't imagine living my life without you.

Aw, that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

Kelly,

how can you resist a proposal like that?

Alex, you stay out of this. It's none of our business.

Don't you even think about getting married at your age.

Out.

Yeah, Leslie, out!

But, uh, Alex, you can stay because you know, Kelly,

she makes a lot of sense.

Out.

Come on.

Now, just let me explain--

Oof!

Just get out... quick.

Zack, look, I know why you're doing this.

You're just trying to keep me from going on that trip.

No. No, Kelly, that is not true.

I've known this was right for years.

I would have asked you back in kindergarten,

but I still had that thing for Marcia Brady.

Zack, we are so young.

I mean, what about our education?

How are we gonna support ourselves?

Kelly, those are all good questions,

and to tell you the truth...

...I don't have the answer to them.

But I do know...

...we can make this work if we love each other.

[sighs]

I'm gonna need some time to think about this.

Fine. Fine, I'll just wait outside.

No, Zack,

I mean real time.

Without you.

You mean, for like, three months on a ship?

That's right.

I'm sorry, Zack.

I'm sorry, too.

[crying]

In.

Come on, Slater, you have to deal with this.

What are you doing?

I am not budging until you promise to talk to Alex.

Fine.

Fine, I'll talk to her.

Okay.

- Tomorrow. - No!

[struggling]

[screams]

Leslie!

[both] Hi.

So, now it all becomes clear.

It's just like Single White Female.

First you become my roommate, and then you borrow my earrings,

and now you're borrowing my boyfriend!

That is not true! Tell her, Slater!

I can't. I never saw Single White Female.

You can't joke your way out of this.

You're seeing this little tramp, aren't you?

He is not! He's seeing some other little tramp!

[door closes]

Is that true, Slater?

Well, I couldn't help myself.

She knew all about spark plugs.

So do Manny, Moe, and Jack,

are you having affairs with them, too?

There is no affair, Alex.

The truth is, it's not Christy.

It could have been anybody.

It's our relationship. It's just not working out.

I'm sorry if I hurt you.

Oh, you haven't hurt me.

In fact, I'm relieved.

I've been meaning to tell you that...

I've been seeing the captain of the football team behind your back.

You have?!

No!

Screech, I'm really glad you reconsidered,

and I apologize for tryin' to scare you.

Yeah, well, I don't accept.

Here, I even bought you a little going away present.

Oh, well that I accept.

"100 Ways to Pick Up Girls."

That's just great!

Yeah, I even underlined a few passages

I thought you might need some help on.

Um...

Zack...

...the whole book's underlined!

Not chapter 8.

"How to recover from rejection."

- I got that down! - Yeah.

Have a good trip, Buddy.

Remember, going overseas is a great opportunity to meet girls.

- Thanks! - Yeah.

[knocking]

[Kelly] Zack, can I come in?

Door's open!

Well, I'm leaving now.

I'm only gonna be gone for three months,

and I'll write to you every day.

Oh, great, I can start a stamp collection.

Zack, do we have to say goodbye like this?

Pardon me, Kelly,

if I don't feel like going down to the dock and throwing streamers.

Fine.

Be that way.

But before I go, I just wanna let you know something...

You're not the only one who's hurting right now.

So, what do you do if you lose your passport?

Go to the American Embassy.

Okay, and what do you do if you lose your traveler's checks?

Call the bank.

And what do you do if you get a gravy stain on your best shirt?

Gee, I don't know.

Shoot, I'm gonna have to call my mom, then.

I can't believe Zack didn't even show up.

Well, we didn't exactly say goodbye on best terms.

Well, don't let it get you down.

As a student of psychology,

maybe it would help if I explain why Zack's acting this way.

Please do.

He's a bum.

Anchors aweigh!

Screech, what happened to your face?

Oh these? These are called transdermal patches.

They're supposed to prevent seasickness.

Screech, you're only supposed to wear one behind the ear.

Those things are heavily medicated.

Oh.

That would explain why your head looks like a giant banana squash.

Screech, if you get seasick this easily,

maybe you shouldn't be takin' this trip.

I guess you're right.

This is a bad idea.

You make a lot of sense.

Who are you?!

Come on. I'll drive you home.

Can you drop me off at Zarlock?

It's the twelfth planet from your Sun.

Bye-bye, Screech.

Bye, Mike.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Slater, Alex, look,

I hate to leave seeing the two of you still fighting.

Slater, look, I thought about what you said,

and you were right. We're just too different.

Well, why don't we make a clean break of it while we're still friends?

It's not your fault and it's not my fault.

- It is nobody's fault. - All right.

Actually, it is a little more Slater's fault than my fault.

Bye, guys.

[announcement] All ashore that's going ashore!

[Zack] Kelly!

- Zack? - I had to say goodbye...

...the right way.

Zack, they're beautiful.

Listen, I'm sorry I was such a jerk.

You're right.

If we love each other we can wait a lousy three months.

[announcement] Final call! All visitors must now leave the ship!

Well, bon voyage.

Have a great time.

Be waiting for you.

Bye, Zack.

[sighs]

Zack, wait.

I-I-I know how hard it was for you to come and see me off.

And I can think of a hundred reasons why we shouldn't get married.

I know, Kelly, we've been all through this.

But my answer's yes.

What?!

I love you and I wanna marry you now.

Right away.

[ship horn blows]

Kelly,

I have one thing to say to you and it comes straight from my heart.

- Well, what's that? - Run!

Oh, yeah!

Slater, Alex, look, I hate to leave seeing the guys--

[laughter]

Slater, Alex, look, I hate to leave seeing the--

[laughter]

Kelly!

Zack?

I had to say goodbye the right way.

Oh, Zack, they're beautiful.

You're right.

[laughter]