Original subtitles

♪♪

Now I'd like to introduce you to our closest living relative, the chimpanzee.

Now, did you know at the genetic level,

we are 98% identical to these guys.

In fact, we're teaching this chimp to talk.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lucy.

Wow, Zack.

Lucy looks almost as human as you and me.

Yeah. Well, definitely you.

Now, I've been trying to teach Lucy sign language,

and I think we've turned a corner.

Now this is the sign for banana.

Let's see if Lucy can give the sign.

All right, Lucy. What this?

Give me the sign, and it's all yours.

[monkey wheezing]

Ah, nice try, Lucy.

All right. Finish copying the notes off the board, then you can leave.

That monkey's looking at me funny.

Quick. Run for it.

Hi, Lucy. Hi, pretty girl.

I bet you're tired of bananas, huh?

Oh, it's not that.

She just doesn't have the mental capacity.

The department's been talking about giving her to a zoo,

and I'm beginning to think maybe we should.

Gee, that's a shame.

She'll be a college dropout.

Come on, Lucy.

You're not dumb. You're just shy.

Believe me. I know about shyness.

But don't worry, though. I believe in Lucy.

In fact, I love Lucy.

Professor Lasky.

Lasky, look. She just signed.

Watch. I love Lucy.

I'm sorry. It's hopeless, Mr. Powers.

Do me a favor.

Put her back in the cage, and make sure you lock it.

Sure. Great.

Someone finally tells me they love me, and I have to lock her in a cage.

Ah, Slater, the search has ended.

I found the woman of my dreams.

The chimp?

No. No.

Kelly.

We've going out a lot lately, and I think we're getting serious.

Now just-- just look at her hair.

Isn't it beautiful?

What do you call that color?

Brown.

Yeah.

Brown. Wow.

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow today ♪

Hey, Kel.

Tomorrow night, I'm going to cook dinner.

You cook?

Taking foil off a Hungry Man dinner is not exactly cooking.

I heat it up.

Seriously, I'm going to cook Chinese food from scratch.

Interested?

- Sure. - Great.

Professor Lasky?

Yes Ms. Kapowski?

Kelly. Call me Kelly.

OK, Kelly?

Can I help you with something?

Oh.

Can I speak to you about my, um, paper thing.

I mean, my term thing.

I mean, my term paper.

[laughs nervously].

Sure. We could talk about all those things.

How about 3:00 at my place?

Your place?

My office.

Oh.

Right. That place.

Can I bring anything?

Yes.

Your term paper.

Right.

And I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down.

Before you say anything, sir, I just want to let you know

that I'm not judging you.

No, no, no.

Kelly, come on in. I want you meet my daughter, Abby.

Hi.

I had no idea you had a daughter.

Hi there, Abby.

You know, "The Three Little Pigs" are my favorite too.

I like "Winnie the Pooh" better.

Daddy, will you braid my hair?

You bet. Park it there, Abby-Dabby.

Well, I guess it's not a good time to talk about my term paper.

I didn't know your daughter was going to be here.

Ah, I didn't either until about an hour ago.

My ex-wife had to fly to Chicago on business.

So you live nearby, Abby?

Right across the big bridge.

Your daddy's never been a professional hairstylist, has he?

It shows, huh?

Good thing I have that Ph.D. thing to fall back on.

All right.

Thank you, Daddy.

So do I look as pretty as you?

Prettier. Let me just fix one little thing.

You know, my niece is going into kindergarten.

I was going to buy her a lunch box.

Which one do you suggest?

Aladdin's good.

Barney's OK for the little kids.

Thanks, Abby.

Dr. Susman. Hi. Jeremiah Lasky here.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel my adult ed class tomorrow night.

My daughter's in town.

Do you need a babysitter? I'd be happy to sit.

Ah, I don't know.

Abby's pretty particular about who sits with her.

Can Kelly babysit me, Daddy?

Please, please, please?

I found a sitter.

Great. How about 7:00 tomorrow?

It's a date.

I mean, not a date date.

But a babysitting date.

A job. [laughs nervously]

Oh, I'm sorry.

What about your term paper?

My term paper.

Oh my gosh. I forgot it.

Man, I thought you were Kelly.

If I were Kelly, I'd wear something skimpy

and stare at myself in the mirror.

That's what you do now.

What are you doing here anyway?

You're supposed to make yourself scarce, remember?

Oh, yeah. It's the big night.

That is right, my man.

You know, Kelly was the first girl I ever loved.

No matter who's come and gone since,

there's never been anyone like her.

Well, that's great man. What are you going to do about it?

Well, tonight, I'm going tell Kelly that I'd like us to date exclusively.

Exclusively?

Wait a minute. As in only?

- Uh-huh. - Are you out of your mind?

I know. I know.

It was a shock to me at first too.

Aw, man. This is terrible.

This is going to destroy me.

When Alex hears this, she'll want to date ex--

exclus--

man, I can't even say the word.

Mmm. It smells good.

I'm going to be dating Kelly.

Is that a problem?

Why should that be a problem?

Well, we've gone out a few times,

but now I have these really strong feelings for Kelly.

Anyway, I-- I hope I haven't hurt you too much.

(SOBBING DRAMATICALLY) I'm so devastated, Zack.

But maybe somehow, some way,

after enough time passes,

I'll get over it.

Hey, Leslie.

- You ready to go? - I'm over it.

Ha ha, very funny. You're so cute.

You're cute too.

But I need to borrow some of Screech's allergy medicine.

[sneezing] Ah! Ah!

Uh-oh. - Hey, Mike.

Ah! Ah!

Ah-choo.

[laughing].

You call that a sneeze?

Quick. Somebody stuff some ragweed up my nose.

I'll sneeze so hard, the hurricane center will name it.

Just give me something.

Some clown brought a cat in the dorm, and I'm allergic.

Here we go.

Mike, I want you to take two of these every six hours,

and I want to see you in my office in a couple days.

Give me that.

Hey, wait a minute. You didn't pay me.

Oh, god. Look what time it is.

- I've got to babysit. - Ah, Kelly, babysit?

What about our dinner?

Oh, I'm sorry Zack.

I guess I just forgot.

Ah, Kelly, how could you forget?

I wanted to ask you something important tonight.

Well, well, what is it?

Well, we've been seeing a lot of each other,

and we've been having a great time.

So anyway, I was kind of hoping you'd want to--

well, as corny as this may sound--

go steady?

Take your time.

I can't.

Take a little more time.

Look, Zack, I really care about you.

And maybe a few weeks ago, I would've felt differently.

But something's happened since then.

Well, what? What happened?

I met somebody.

I'm sorry.

Kelly's seeing another guy.

Can you believe it?

Who on this campus is cooler than I am?

I am.

Be serious.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. All this time you said you were going to wrestling practice?

That red spot on your forehead wasn't a mat burn, it was a hickey.

A hickey on my forehead?

Nobody has a hickey on their forehead.

Well, except for maybe Gorbachev.

Yeah, you're right.

But if it isn't you, then who is it?

Hey, guys.

Nah.

Well, let me just make sure.

So Screech, where have you been all afternoon long?

Visiting the love of my life.

Does she have dark hair?

As a matter of fact, she does.

All over her.

[knocking]

Screech, it's for you.

Oh no.

I must have left the cage unlocked,

and she followed me home.

Careful Screech.

This is exactly how things started in "Fatal Attraction."

Screech, I'm going telling you,

you better get this chimp back to the lab before Rogers finds out.

Ah, I can't Zack.

She loves me.

Besides, she's too smart to go to a zoo.

I'm going to hide her until I can convince the college that Lucy can talk.

Oh, look, it's Lucy.

She's so cute.

Yuck. Get that hairy, disgusting thing out of here.

Slater, it's touching me.

It's touching me with its monkey paws.

It's hugging me.

It loves me.

[singing] ♪ And I will always love you ♪

What are you looking at?

She's got a much better hair cut than Kevin Costner.

Oh.

Yacht club?

I didn't know Zack wore that.

It's not for Zack.

It's for--

nobody.

He must be a pretty special nobody.

You don't usually buy cologne for somebody

you're not planning on smelling.

You guys are such children.

[pants] Are not.

Slater, do you know who Kelly's new boyfriend is?

No. Do you?

Not exactly.

But I do know that he wears Yacht Club cologne.

- Hi, guys. - Oh.

Zack.

Hi.

You've got a weird girlfriend, man.

Weird, but useful.

She found out a little something about Kelly's mystery guy.

He wears Yacht Club cologne.

Hey, that's great.

So all I got to do is track down that smell.

It's Soft and Dry.

What?

I ran out of deodorant.

I had to borrow some from Alex, OK?

Do you have a death wish?

No. No, I was--

I was just sniffing you.

I mean, come on, man. This is the '90s.

Can't a guy sniff another guy without--

I guess I do have a death wish.

Excuse me.

Yeah, big guy.

So how's it going?

Well, six guys want to rearrange my face,

and one gave me his unlisted phone number.

Man, why don't you just talk to Kelly?

Yeah. I guess you're right.

I mean, I'll just ask her who it is.

I mean, that's the mature thing to do, right?

- There you go. - Yeah.

You know were she is?

I think she's babysitting for Lasky's kid again.

Again? Wait a minute.

Babysitting.

Oh, yeah. Sure. What a great cover.

She said she's babysitting for Lasky,

but she's probably out with some jock.

Well, I'm going to go over there, break in,

and catch her not babysitting.

And keep that mature thing going.

Kelly, that was awful thoughtful of you to get Abby a tea set.

[giggles].

And thanks again for the cologne.

You know, you really shouldn't have.

Well, I thought you'd like it more than a Bert and Ernie bath kit.

Daddy, sit here and be the daddy.

OK.

Kelly's the mommy, and I'm the Abby.

Wait a second.

Let me get this straight.

I'm the daddy, you're the mommy, and he's the Abby.

Ha ha. No silly.

You know, you're really great with her.

Well, when you come from a family as large as mine,

you kind of have to be good with kids.

Shh. We're playing.

Oh.

Thank you.

Mmm. It's very good.

Uh-oh. You spilled it.

- I did? - Oh, just on the tie?

We'll get another one.

Uh, yeah.

This one will look much better on you.

Yeah. Brings out your eyes.

You've got great eyes.

They're so, uh,

blue.

Thank you, Mommy.

She's my mommy.

You should call her honey.

OK. Honey?

- You're very welcome. - Sweetheart.

Sweetheart.

I got to get going. Daddy must go to work, Abby.

Don't forget to kiss Mommy goodbye.

Um, see you later, Honey.

Come home soon.

I'm sorry. Am I embarrassing you?

No, no, no. Don't apologize.

I'm really glad to see Abby having a good time.

And so am I.

It's a good feeling. It's almost like, uh,

being a family again.

Um, I better get going.

[bang]

Zack.

- Yeah. - What are you doing here?

Hey. Uh. I was a-- I just wanted to talk to Kelly.

- I don't suppose she's here, is she? - Yeah, she is.

I didn't think so. She is?

Yeah, she's babysitting. I'm sorry. I got to run.

Woah. Woah.

Woah. What cologne are you wearing?

Yacht Club.

Nice, isn't it?

The appearance of chipstone tools marks the beginning of?

The Paleolithic Age, Dr. Lasky.

Right.

(MOCKING) The Paleolithic Age, Dr. Lasky.

Could she be any more obvious?

Keep this up, and I'm changing my seat.

All right. Our time is up.

But remember everybody,

we still haven't found our chimp, Lucy.

If anybody sees her, please, please, report it immediately.

Uh, Mr. Lasky?

Sir, I am really sorry, but you see the chimp--

uh, the dog ate my homework.

Very original, Mr. Slater.

Bring it tomorrow.

As soon as we hit the door, you better start running.

So, um, I'll see you and Abby for dinner tonight?

Oh, and don't forget earplugs.

It's Chuck E. Cheese.

Heh. Sounds like fun.

Gee.

Never invited me to dinner, sir.

Ah. Kelly's been babysitting, and Abby adores her.

- It's nothing. - Nothing?

Oh, come on. Admit it.

Every girl in this class is in love with you.

Including Kelly.

Mmm. Probably a school girl crush.

Are you kidding?

This morning, I caught her at the mirror,

wearing a veil, throwing rice at herself.

I'm telling you, better watch out. This is serious.

All right. I'll talk to her tonight.

Hey, Kel. Have you seen my "Pearl Jam" CD?

No.

But I saw the monkey with headphones and a big smile.

Oh. That's a nice hairdo.

Do you think it makes me look older?

Yeah. You look almost 19 and a 1/2.

So, uh, are you babysitting tonight?

Well, kinda.

You know, I really love that little girl.

I was taking a walk with her yesterday,

and somebody actually thought I was her mother.

Ah. Well, listen.

After you get back from Professor Lasky's,

if you want to talk about anything, I'll be here.

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen to the monkey?

OK. One more for the family album.

All together now.

BOTH: Banana.

[inaudible].

Oh, Screech, I need some more of that medi--

What's that?

Uh, well, that's not a that, sir.

That's a girl.

Yeah.

Screech is babysitting Lasky's daughter.

Ah. Well, can I see the little sweetheart.

No. She's very shy.

Oh, but I'm really good with kids.

Come on.

Come say hi to Mr. Rogers.

Woah.

Either that's a monkey,

or I'd hate to see Lasky's ex-wife.

Who's responsible for this?

BOTH: Screech.

Thanks girls.

I'm worried about a cat, and you've got a monkey running around.

Lucy is not a monkey.

She's a chimp.

Monkeys have tails and they're stupid.

Chimps are very smart and sensitive.

Fine.

Get rid of the chimp, you monkey.

Oh, that's my chimp. I'll take care of her.

Aw, thanks.

Oh, and my regards to your ex-wife.

Mr. Powers, why did you take her?

I love her, Professor Lasky.

And she loves me.

But I saw "King Kong" and I don't want this to end like that.

I'm sorry, Lucy, but you have to go back.

Did she just sign?

Yeah. Lucy signs to me all the time.

She does?

- That's incredible. - I tried to tell you.

She's just shy with other people.

Please don't send her back to the zoo.

What, are you kidding?

I'm going to arrange for her to stay right here at Cal U.

But under one condition. That you, Mr. Powers,

become my lab assistant.

Help me teach her more sign language.

No problem. You've got it.

Come on, Lucy. Back to the lab.

[laughs] Come on.

Oh, hi.

If you're looking for Kelly, she's in there.

Ah.

Thanks.

What are you doing here?

I was just leaving to see you.

Abby's mom got home early.

I took her home.

Besides, we need some time to talk.

Uh, talk? Uh, what about?

Kelly, I don't know exactly how you feel about me,

but I'm your professor.

And the university has very strict rules against you and I getting involved.

Look, I know all the rules.

But I can't help the way I feel about you.

- You'll get over this, Kelly. - No, I won't.

Professor Lasky,

Jeremiah,

I'm in love with you.

You think that you are, Kelly, but--

No.

I'm really in love with you.

Look, Kelly,

maybe in a different time and place,

I could feel the same way.

Do you really mean that?

Yes.

Look, Kelly, any man on this campus would kill for a woman like you.

You're beautiful.

You're smart.

You're great with kids.

I mean, Abby really adores you.

It's hard not to.

You're very loving and sensitive.

Everything a man could want in a woman.

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen to the monkey?

[laughs].

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen to the monkey?

[laughs]

Is something wrong, Zack?

Did something happen to the monkey?

[both laugh]