Original subtitles

♪♪

Guess what, guys. I just called Mom.

It's going to be perfect Thanksgiving weather in L.A.

93 degrees and only a stage one smog alert.

I can't wait to get home.

Me too. I'm psyched.

I'm 18, I'm a man, and I'm a frat guy.

You know what that means.

You get to sit at the head of the kids' table?

You know it, bucko.

- [knocking] - Hey, guys.

- You about ready to go? - Just about.

So Mike, is your mom gonna miss you for Thanksgiving?

No.

She's just thankful she doesn't have to feed me.

Besides, I've got 20 underprivileged kids coming by

for Thanksgiving dinner.

Oh, that's cool.

That's pretty nice, Mike.

Maybe I can stay and help out.

Nope. That's OK, Screech.

Thanks, though.

Kind of reminds me though,

I've got, uh, four tickets to the Raider game in L.A. on Friday.

- Anybody want them? - Ooh, me, me, me.

- I do, I want them. - I do, too.

But it's not for me. It's for my brother, Teddy.

You see, he's in the Peace Corps.

He just got back from building schools in Guatemala.

Teddy's never gone to an NFL game before,

but you go ahead and take them, Slater.

Selfish.

Well, that was certainly a heartwarming crock you just sold.

All right, all right, so I don't have a brother Teddy

and I really don't even know where Guatemala is.

But I can sell these babies for big bucks.

Happy Thanksgiving.

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow today ♪

Alex, what have you got in here?

We're only going for four days.

I have 24 outfits and all my make-up.

I want to make a good impression on your family.

You want to make a good impression?

Don't talk politics with my father.

Got it.

Laugh at all of my Uncle Cesar's jokes.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

No problem.

And when you meet Grandma Maria, remember.

You're Mexican.

Si, senor.

You guys have a good trip.

OK. Bye.

Leslie, are you sure you won't go home with me?

I hate to see you alone for Thanksgiving.

Oh, thanks, Kelly, but I'm used to it.

My family is always traveling on Thanksgiving,

so I'm just going to stay here and help Mike with his Feed the Kids program.

Hey, Leslie, Thanksgiving's not a big deal at your house?

I thought your ancestors came over on the Mayflower.

Well, actually, some of them were at the first Thanksgiving.

Did you know that we invented the three bean salad?

Leslie, great news.

NBC Sports called, and tomorrow Marv Albert's coming here

to do a halftime report on my Feed the Kids program.

That's great.

What are you doing?

I'm making turkey place cards.

Cute, huh?

Leslie, these are tough street kids,

not the Olsen twins.

OK. We're ready to hit the road.

Can I have the car keys, Dad?

Not so fast.

First, we've got to go over a few ground rules.

No eating or drinking, don't pick up hitchhikers,

and observe all the traffic laws.

Not to worry, Mike, I know the laws backwards and forwards.

After all, I took my driving test 11 times.

I don't want him anywhere near the front seat.

- Got it. - We'll strap him to the luggage rack.

I'll drive.

- No, no, no. I'm gonna drive. - No, no. Me first. Vroom, vroom.

Oh, Screech, before you go, I got to set up for dinner tomorrow.

Would you give me a hand moving the pool table?

Oh, you won't let me drive your car,

but you want me to help you move the pool table.

- Is that what you're saying? - Exactly.

OK.

OK, now this is really heavy.

So remember, lift with your legs, not with your back.

Right.

OK, I'm gonna count to three and then go.

Ready. One, two, three.

[grunts] Ow!

You lifted with your back, didn't you?

Why didn't you lift?

I said three.

You didn't say go.

Hey, Screech.

Come on, buddy.

We're ready to leave. Let's go.

MIKE (OFFSCREEN): I said I could do it myself!

SCREECH (OFFSCREEN): Well, if that's the way you want it.

[crashing]

Mike, what happened?

I've got a concussion.

I thought you had a slipped disk.

I do.

Now, I've got a concussion.

I feel terrible.

Look on the bright side.

Got yourself a free Abba Zaba.

Come on, Screech, let's go.

I can't. I have to stay here.

Mike needs me.

I feel so responsible.

No, Screech.

Go home. Please, go home.

Go home and cripple somebody in your own family.

[singing along with the radio]

[singing along with the radio]

Oh, we've lost the signal.

We're too far out of the city.

Ooh, I hope your family likes me.

Oh, don't be silly, Alex. They're gonna love you.

Just don't stare at Uncle Manny's toupee.

Which one's Uncle Manny?

Trust me. You'll know.

Zack, are you sure about this shortcut?

Look, I don't want to get lost. My family's waiting up for me.

Kelly, Kelly, please, don't worry.

I'll have you home before you can say--

- [grinding noise from engine] - --what the heck was that?

Aw, man. Did we get stuck?

Oh, great.

Now we're stuck out here in the middle of nowhere.

Guys, calm down.

I know exactly where we are.

Not a clue.

[owl hooting]

Slater, what's wrong with the truck?

I don't know yet.

I don't suppose they have a ladies' room around here.

Just go in the woods, Kelly.

Right. Alex, you want to go with me?

Even in the woods, they have to go in pairs.

I'm not going with you.

I saw this "Twilight Zone" where a woman got lost in the woods

and she was eaten by the goat people.

Maybe I won't go.

Kelly, I saw that episode.

The goat people lived in Kentucky, not California.

Just go.

Yeah, maybe I will go.

[bleating like a goat]

I'll go later.

Leslie, there is no way I'm gonna be able to cook

Thanksgiving dinner this year.

So you're gonna have to cook for me.

Me? Cook?

Are, are you kidding?

I thought I was in charge of decorations.

Nobody in my family has ever cooked!

Leslie, cooking is simple.

All you gotta do is follow the recipe.

You're right.

I'm an intelligent young woman.

I have a 3.8 GPA.

I can certainly follow a simple recipe.

What's a tsp?

- What? - Tsp.

T-S-P period.

Teaspoon, Leslie.

T-S-P stands for teaspoon.

Well, I never said I had a 4.0.

Hey, Mike.

I got some pills and some cooking stuff.

But first, it's time to take your temperature.

Get away from me with that thing!

Don't worry, Mike. This isn't for you.

It's just a turkey thermometer.

I don't know why you gotta take my temperature anyway.

I've got a herniated disk.

I know, but look at you.

Your face is all red, and your eyes are bulgy.

It's because you're driving me crazy!

[honking]

Come on, Slater.

Hurry up. I've got to get back to L.A. in time

to sell these Raiders tickets.

Hey!

Any of you goat people out there like football?

Don't stir them up.

You know, Zack, this reminds me of the time

that you and I went for a drive and ran out of gas up on Mulholland.

Oh, yeah.

Remember how cold it got?

I remember how warm it got.

Yes, I do remember.

And I still can't believe you fell for that out of gas bit.

Me? I was the one who was driving.

Oh, yeah.

I found it.

I know what's wrong.

- Great. - Oh good.

So how soon can you get it fixed?

Well, that depends.

Do you have a new oil pump in your purse?

We're gonna die.

This is exactly like another "Twilight Zone" I saw.

William Shatner's car broke down.

He started to walk for help.

He was caught by the pod people and never seen again,

until "Star Trek."

Here comes a car! We're saved!

Hey, hey, over here.

- We need some help! - Beat it, Conehead!

I have a gun!

[tires squealing]

What are you doing?

Saving your lives.

It was a Chevy.

The pod people drove a Chevy.

I can't believe you.

How stupid can you get?

Hey, hey, that's my girlfriend.

I don't care. That was really stupid.

I know, but she's still my girlfriend.

Oh, so you think I'm stupid?

Well, I would rather spend Thanksgiving out here with the pod people

than with you and your Uncle Manny and his bad toupee.

Pod people, come back!

I'm sorry about the potatoes, Mike.

I must have put in too many tsps of something.

That's OK, Leslie.

At least we've got the turkeys.

You did confirm the turkeys, right?

Hey, you're talking to Screech Powers.

You did confirm the turkeys, right?

I just got off the phone with the market.

Good, because the kids will be here any minute.

What are you guys doing here?

The oil pump in your car died.

We had to get towed back this morning.

How are you going to get home?

Well, we're certainly not going to drive Mike's car.

All the garages are closed for Thanksgiving.

Yeah, and all the flights are booked.

I had to do some pretty fancy talking to get on standby.

You know, Zack, we all want to be home for Thanksgiving.

I mean, all you ever think about is yourself.

That's not true.

SLATER (OFFSCREEN): Yes, it is.

You could've put me on standby, too.

What about me? Your girlfriend?

After I memorized everyone in your family and their deformities.

Got the turkeys for Mike Rogers.

Oh, great.

Look, I know it's not the same as going home with your families,

but you're always welcome to have Thanksgiving dinner with us.

He's right.

Look, we're all disappointed, but it is Thanksgiving.

Let's make the best of it.

I don't know a lot about cooking,

but I don't think these turkeys are ready to eat.

Those turkeys are frozen.

I ordered cooked turkeys.

I know, but I saved you $47.95.

You know what you can do with that money?

Yes.

I can hire a hit man to kill you.

It takes a full day to defrost a turkey, you nitwit.

Kids, hurry up, before the turkeys get cold.

Hey, thanks for what you're doing here, Mike.

And boy, are we hungry.

Well, we've got to do something.

These kids think we're going to eat in a half hour.

Don't worry, Mike.

I'll have these babies thawed in no time.

Aw, that's great, Screech.

You know, pretty soon you can open up your own chain of turkey salons.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Think I'll call it Super Clucks.

Zack, you've got to run to whatever store's open and buy anything edible.

All right.

Oh, by the way, if the airline calls for Dr. Zack Morris,

tell them to hold the plane.

I'll be there as soon as I pick up the kidney.

Hey, listen, I don't want to rush you guys,

but a couple of the kids are talking about stripping the dean's car.

Can anybody go and keep them entertained?

Can I keep them entertained?

You are talking to a trained professional

with three years of children's theater.

I better go make sure they don't mug her.

OK, let's see what we can salvage here.

Leslie, why don't you chop the onions?

I'm sorry I screwed up.

Thanksgiving dinner in my family was usually room service.

Gee, I'm really sorry, Leslie.

I can remember waking up on Thanksgiving morning

and helping my mom cook.

Just the smell of the food filled the whole house,

made you feel all warm and loved and--

I don't know why I'm getting so emotional.

It's your memory.

I'll chop the onions.

Peel the potatoes.

Potatoes.

Use a peeler!

Alex, I think these kids are a little too old for this game.

Oh, Slater, you are never too old.

OK, Simon says, hands on head.

Simon says, hands on hips.

Simon says, get a life, lady.

[kids agreeing]

Oh, I get it, so you guys think you're so tough.

Well, I'll tell you about tough.

In my church theater group, I auditioned for the role of Annie six times,

and I never got it, and I was good, too.

(SINGING) ♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪

[groans]

OK, that's enough.

Simon says, go play video games.

It's OK, honey.

Thanks for saving me, Slater.

I was really dying out there.

Nah. No, you were great, Alex.

And when you come home with me for Christmas,

my family's going to love you.

Aw, that's sweet.

Kiss me.

Go for it, dude.

Simon says, shut up, kid.

So girls, tell me some good news.

(TOGETHER) Screech left.

That is good news. Where'd he go?

The blowdryer broke.

So he took the turkeys to the gym for a sauna.

- I'm back. - What took you so long?

Hey, man, it's Thanksgiving.

The only store open was (INDIAN ACCENT) 7/11.

By the way, did the airline call?

Not yet, Dr. Morris.

What'd you buy?

Turkey spam, cranberry juice, Tater Tots?

Like I said, it was (INDIAN ACCENT) 7/11.

Just be glad I did not buy a turkey slurpee.

What?

- Hey. - How'd the sauna work out?

Well, the turkeys are still frozen,

but my skin feels all fresh and tingly.

Hey, did you guys know there's a camera crew outside?

Marv Albert's here?

You guys try to make something out of this.

I'll go keep him busy so he doesn't know anything's wrong.

OK, let's make the Tater Tots.

(SINGING) ♪ You're only a day away ♪

That was very good.

But you know, I just broadcast the games.

I have no control over who sings the national anthem.

Oh.

Never mind.

Hey, Marv, how you doing?

Hey, Mike, what happened to you?

Ah, I'm OK. I just hurt my back on a pool table.

That must have been some trick shot.

Yeah.

All right, here's what we'll do.

I'll do a brief introduction,

and then I'll ask you about the Feed the Kids program.

Sounds great, Marv.

And then we'll take a shot of the turkey.

Oh, people have seen turkeys before.

They're probably stuffed.

Hey, we should talk about football.

How 'bout them Cowboys?

Live in five, Marv. Three, two.

Happy Turkey Day, everybody.

I'm Marv Albert along with the former linebacker

for the San Francisco 49ers, Mike Rogers.

Now, Mike has put together a great program

providing Thanksgiving meals for needy kids.

Mike, why don't you tell us about it?

Well, I've been sponsoring this for about six years now.

And you know, it's amazing.

There's a lot of kids out there that, that really haven't had a chance

to have a traditional Thanksgiving meal.

Dinner is served!

It is? No, it isn't.

Ah, the traditional Thanksgiving meal.

And what would Thanksgiving be without a plump, juicy turkey,

with all the trimmings.

Well, thanks for coming by, Marv.

I'm sure you'll want to get back to that exciting second half, huh?

No, actually we have a lot of time. No, no problem.

Let's take a shot of the turkey.

What is this?

Cigars?

No, it's turkey jerky.

One stick equals your yearly minimum salt requirement.

And it's 100% guaranteed neck meat.

Yum.

Marv, Marv, let me explain.

See, see, Leslie made these green potatoes,

and then the oil pump went out on my truck,

and, and then this nut puts turkeys in a sauna.

Mike, thanks for explaining things.

We do have a very exciting second half coming up

with the score Dallas, 67, and Detroit, 3.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Does anyone have an extra plane ticket to L.A.?

Hi, Mom.

Well, I don't know what you guys are all complaining about.

This turkey jerky is pretty darn tasty.

It tastes like my belt.

I'm sorry about this, everybody.

That's terrific.

What time's the flight leave?

No, no, no. Don't worry, I'll be there.

[sighs]

Oh my god, it's Jonathan Brandis from SeaQuest.

Excuse me, Mr. Brandis, what are you doing above water?

Well, I was watching the game and I saw what happened.

Mike, I'd like to donate this turkey.

I can't believe this.

This is-- this is great.

Thank you. Thank you.

It's Marsha Warfield! It's Marsha Warfield!

Don't feel bad, Mike.

First turkey I ever cooked was a disaster.

I burned it to a crisp.

Told everybody it was Cajun, they ate it anyway.

Marsha, I, I don't know how to thank you.

Just give me a fork and point me to the yams.

Thanks.

OK. I'm freaking out.

It's Six from Blossom.

No, it's not.

It's just one person from Blossom, Jenna von Oy.

I was on my way to a Thanksgiving dinner,

and I thought you guys could use these pies more.

I, I hardly know what to say,

Well, how about let's eat? I'm starved.

Yeah, just don't touch my yams, homeboy.

This is great. All these people helping out.

Even celebrities.

I wonder who's going to be next.

Tom Cruise?

Well, it's better than Tom Cruise.

It's our old principal, Mr. Belding.

Mr. Belding, what are you doing here?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, what is going on here?

Whatever it was, I didn't do it.

Relax, Zack.

I was visiting my mom in San Francisco

when I saw that my kids had nothing to eat for Thanksgiving.

So I'd just like to say, from the bottom of my heart--

whoa, is that Six from Blossom?

Would you sign your name in my mashed potatoes?

I just want to thank you all for coming by and helping out.

Thank you.

I'd like to say something, too.

I thought the only way to celebrate Thanksgiving was with your family.

But I guess it doesn't matter who you're with

or what you're eating.

We should be thankful for what we have --

our health, our friendship, and our love.

I guess you can find a family anywhere you go.

- All right. - Yeah.

Uh, am I too late?

I've got the cranberry sauce.

I'm gonna faint. It's Brian Austin Green.

Kelly, Kelly, before you faint,

can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Hey. - Hi.

[kelly hyperventilating]

Kelly, I just talked to the airlines.

- So did you get your ticket? - Yep, flight leaves at 8:00.

- That's great. - Actually, it's great for you.

When you get home, give your mom a big hug for me.

What are you talking about?

I want you to have the ticket.

Really?

How much?

For free, Kelly.

I'm having a Thanksgiving moment here.

Go with it.

Well, what brought this on?

Well, I was just thinking about what you said.

And I realized that Thanksgiving is important to you.

And making you happy is even more important to me than money.

More than money?

Uh--

I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Yeah. Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh.

You killed it!

You killed the turkey.

Give it mouth to mouth!

Clear.