Original subtitles

♪♪

Slater, grow up.

The guy is just a football player.

Hey, Kelly, can you believe this guy?

He wants to get Johnny Walters to autograph his rookie card.

You've got his rookie card?

All I've got is his underwear ad.

What is with you?

I mean, Walters puts on his underwear one leg at a time,

just like the rest of us.

Is that how you guys do it?

You know, I really wish I could go to that alumni banquet tomorrow.

Yeah, it's not every day Cal U retires a guy's jersey.

Uh-huh.

Looks like they've already retired his pants.

[knocking]

Hey, Mike. What's up?

Your grade in psychology. You got a B.

Oh, that's great.

I owe you one.

Hey, that's what a teaching assistant's for.

Besides, I kind of enjoy helping you.

Oh yeah?

Well, if you thought that was fun,

you're gonna love helping me on my term paper.

It's due next week.

Sure, when do you want to start?

Next week.

What's wrong with right now?

Oh, Mike, come on. It's homecoming weekend.

There's football, parties, parades.

Yep, I'm on the clean-up committee.

I get to walk behind our fraternity's float.

We have elephants this year.

Well, I'm just gonna study.

Oh, and my buddy, Johnny Walters, is coming by.

Wait, Johnny Walters is coming here?

- Yeah. Yeah. - To the dorm?

I'm gonna go change.

Just remember, one leg at a time.

Oh, I forgot.

You and Walters played ball together here at Cal U.

Yeah, and on the 49ers.

Hey, Mike, will you introduce me?

Oh, please. What is with you?

Come on, Walters is just another jock who thinks

just because he gets a million bucks to endorse some sneaker,

his gym socks don't smell.

You make a good point, Zack.

By the way, have you met Johnny Walters?

- Hey. - What's up.

- How are you? - Hey, how are you?

Talk about a quarterback sneak.

Why didn't you guys tell me he was standing there?

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow, ♪

♪ and it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ I've never seen such a view before, ♪

♪ a new world before my eyes ♪

♪ So much for me to explore ♪

♪ It's where my future lies ♪

♪ Today, I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow ♪

♪ From here, the future looks bright for me ♪

♪ And it's all up to me how far I go ♪

♪ It's my time to break away ♪

♪ I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow today ♪

Screech, my parents are gonna be here in 20 minutes.

Do you have to oil your chain in here?

Well, you don't want me to squeak, do you?

Last time I rode across campus, squirrels followed me.

Leslie, Screech has to be handled in a very special way.

Observe.

- Screech? - Huh?

Get out now.

OK.

Oh, I almost forgot.

The Burkes are arriving for homecoming.

You know, as in Burke Hall.

Oh yeah, and how can we forget Burke Library.

- Oh, yes. - Knock it off, guys.

Ooh, a little tense, are we?

Not the least little bit.

(SCREAMING) Use the coaster. Are you crazy?

Hey, look at this, an article on Johnny Walters.

Man, I still can't believe you insulted him.

Aw, he's just another jock.

Oh, check this out.

He's also on the board of three major corporations.

On the other hand, he's a human being and I've hurt his feelings.

I'm gonna go apologize.

OK, one more time, let it rip.

[squawks].

I've finally got it right.

You are looking at the next Cal U mascot.

Wait, you're actually gonna audition for Freddie Falcon?

Oh yeah, and I had to work really hard to find the bird within me.

[squawks]

What do you think?

I think you look like a nut.

Well, thank you.

It's very nice of you to make fun of me.

Great going, Slater.

Come on. Alex, I was joking.

Come on.

[knocking] MIKE (OFFSCREEN): Yo.

Hey, Mike. I'm here to work on my term-- oh, hi.

I didn't know you had company.

Look, Johnny, I'm-- I'm sorry I insulted you.

Relax, kid. I can take it.

I've been booed by 70,000 football fans.

Ah, what do they know?

They-- they take off their shirts in freezing weather

and paint, "Hi, Mom" on their beer bellies.

Boy, I miss the game.

You know, I'll never forget that play in the Super Bowl

when you scrambled away from four guys

and hit Simpson in the end zone.

Hey, I recovered a fumble to set up that play.

Yeah, that's great, Mike.

You won the MVP that year, didn't you?

Yeah, I just got lucky.

That was the year that my Achilles tendon ruptured.

No kidding?

What a career.

It is no wonder they're gonna honor you at the banquet tomorrow night.

Oh yeah, that reminds me.

Mike, I would sure like it if you did the introduction for me.

Nah, I'm not the best, you know--

Speaker?

Come on, Mike.

Who knows me better than you?

The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders?

But if you want me to, sure.

Thanks, buddy.

Now, what do you say we grab some lunch?

- Yeah, OK? - My treat.

- You want to come with us, kid? - Sure.

Those girls in the car commercial, are they really as beautiful as they look on TV?

You want to know the truth, kid?

- They're better. - Oh.

You know, I did a commercial for that Clapper thing once.

I got a free one, too.

[squawks].

I like that pecking thing.

Look, if you're here to make fun again, you can just forget it.

I have work to do.

No, no really.

That was kind of cute, that thing you do with your leg.

- Really? - Yeah.

Maybe, though, instead of doing this,

you can kind of tilt your head back and really [squawks].

[squawks].

Yeah, I like that. That's good.

But this is no good.

Remember, you're a falcon, so you need bigger wings.

- Oh, OK. - And you need to flap bigger.

- OK. - Like this.

- [squawks]. - [squawks].

Yeah, yeah.

[squawks]

[squawks].

You know, this always happens.

The minute I learn a new dance, pow,

it' s not hip anymore.

Honey, wouldn't this be better in the closet?

So where's yours?

There's only one, mother.

You share a closet with two other girls?

Walt, she shares a closet with two other girls.

I'll make a call.

No, I'm fine with it, really.

Now, you're not really going to wear this dreadful jacket, are you?

No, I am.

That's mine, Mrs. Burke.

Oh, baby. You remember the Emersons?

Their son Todd is going to be calling to take you to the banquet.

Oh gee, I'd love to meet him, but you see, I--

I already have a date.

You have a date?

Do we know him?

Now, Edith, I'm sure whoever our girl has chosen will be just fine.

Gotta run, baby.

Well, it was so nice to meet you.

And remember, our offer still stands.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sure your chauffeur's son is very nice,

but I can find my own dates.

Goodbye, sweetheart.

- Goodbye. - Bye.

Bye now.

[squawks].

Next year, we get Leslie her own apartment.

I'll make a call.

So who is this great guy you're taking to the banquet?

I wish I knew.

I had to make something up.

I can't stand the way they're always controlling my life.

And mine.

Do you know what I would love to do?

Bring somebody that they would never expect me to date,

somebody that would really freak them out.

Hey, guys.

You going to the parade?

You don't want to miss the elephants.

See ya.

Screech, I have something important to ask you.

OK.

Would you be my date for the homecoming banquet?

Let me get this straight.

You're asking me on a date?

Yes.

Let me get this straight.

You're asking me on a date?

Well, kind of.

You see, my parents are going to be at the banquet,

and what I need is--

You need a geek to shock your parents?

Is that what you're trying to say?

Well, kind of.

Sure, no problem.

You mean you don't mind?

No, not at all. I'm great at scaring parents.

I scare my own all the time.

You know, my dad and I are major fans.

I mean the first game he ever took me to,

you threw four touchdown passes against the Rams.

Hey, I remember that game.

I cracked two ribs.

That's great, Mike.

So that's Kelly with a Y.

There you go.

Thank you.

Johnny, may I ask you something?

- You played at Cal U when? - '78.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Am I wrong or was this piece of meatloaf here then?

I like you, kid.

You remind me of me when I was in college.

Remember the time when that real--

You know, Zack and I have to work on a psychology paper.

Oh yeah, studying's important.

But by the way,

how would you like to be my guest at the banquet tomorrow night

and bring a date?

Well, that would be terrific.

Well, I gotta go. I'll see you at the game?

- Yeah. - Right, boom.

Yes.

Do you hear that, Mike?

All the rich alumni are gonna be there at the banquet.

I can make some great business connections tomorrow night.

Zack, don't get your hopes up.

Why? Johnny just said he'd get me in.

He's not the most reliable guy.

Mike, now I know I'm not very good at this psychology stuff,

but am I sensing a little jealousy here?

You're right.

You're not very good at this psychology stuff.

Hey, Leslie.

I'm going to the banquet tomorrow night.

How would you like to go with me?

Sorry, I'm going with Screech.

Leslie, please.

If you don't want to go out with me, at least make up a believable excuse.

OK, I'm washing my hair.

Now that I believe.

Slater, I got the part.

I'm the school mascot. I'm Freddie the Falcon.

All right. [applause]

And, everybody, I could not have done it without the help of this man.

Nah, nah, I didn't do anything.

Oh, sure you did, remember?

You stood on that one leg, and [squawks].

You did that.

No, not-- not here.

You're right. I should save it for the game.

So anyway,

I get to go to the homecoming banquet,

and I can bring a guest.

And the guest can be a guy.

And, well, you're a guy,

and I was thinking that maybe, you know--

Alex, are you asking me to the banquet?

Yes, unless you don't want to go,

in which case you misunderstood me completely.

I'd love to.

Great.

[squawks]

[squawks].

This is gonna be so much fun.

Thanks for asking me, Zack.

Hey, who else would I ask?

Well, we've made our appearance.

I think we can go now. Come on.

Oh, don't be silly.

They want me to pose for pictures and greet the alumni.

Hey, everybody, Freddie the Falcon's here.

[applause]

OK, now, Leslie, is there anything particularly geeky

you'd like me to do tonight?

Like, um, I can have a wheezing attack during the main course.

Or-- or you'll love this.

I can choke on some milk and make it come out my nose and ears.

That's always fun.

Just be yourself, Screech.

Oh, good, because the milk thing I really can't control.

Hi, baby. Sorry we're late.

Hi, Mom.

So which one is the lucky fellow?

Oh, that would be me.

No, seriously.

Zack Morris, Mel Cochran.

Mel is the chairman of the board of Diodine Computers.

Mel, nice to meet you.

I was very impressed to see that you doubled your fourth quarter earnings.

Well, thank you.

Zack is an up and coming finance major,

and I just thought he'd be perfect as our fourth for golf tomorrow.

Really? I'd love to.

Well, I look forward to it, Zack.

- Me too. - See you in a moment.

I have a 15-minute break. Do you want to dance?

Um, I can't dance.

I'm Amish.

You know, I'm starting to get the feeling that you're ashamed of me.

Well, of course I'm ashamed.

I'm on a date with Big Bird.

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to embarrass you.

[sobs]

Don't worry about that milk. It won't stain.

Thank you, thank you.

So, uh, Scrunch?

Uh, that's Screech.

Scrunch, Screech, who cares? I mean, what do you--

what do you see yourself doing five years from now?

Well, Mr. Burke, if things go well tonight,

I see myself taking over Burke Industries.

Honey, let me get you your blood pressure medication.

Well, I may be taking over sooner than I thought.

Hey, Mike.

Excuse me. Guess what?

Johnny invited me to play golf with two major corporate players tomorrow.

We're supposed to work on your paper.

Oh, Mike, come on. Forget studying.

We're talking high level networking here.

I can't believe all the cool things this guy's doing for me.

Zack, let me level with you.

This guy is not as cool as he seems.

Yeah, right.

And you said he wasn't going to get me into the banquet either.

The only reason he invited you here is to feed his own ego.

Trust me, Johnny Walters only looks out for Johnny Walters.

Well, you really are jealous.

You know, just because the guy's a superstar,

that gives you no reason to put him down.

Why don't you get over it, Mike?

[sobs]

Alex?

Alex, can I talk to you a moment?

No, I'm not a parrot.

I'm a falcon, and falcons don't talk.

We eat really big rats and scratch their eyes out.

Smile.

Um, I want my picture taken with the falcon.

Why? So you can remember the most embarrassing night of your life?

Look, Alex.

You've gotta admit. You're different.

I mean, good different.

That's one of the reasons I like you.

It's just that this kind of different

takes some getting used to.

Wait a minute. Back up.

You like me?

Well, yeah.

And you could accept me just the way that I am?

I don't know.

Will my lips fit inside your beak?

We could try.

Wait till my dad hears I danced with you.

He's never gonna believe it.

Hey, I have to run into the city and do an interview with Bob Costas.

Would you like to come along?

Are you kidding?

Oh, I'd love to.

Is it OK If I go with Johnny, Zack?

Excuse me, Kelly, but there's a president of a network over there.

I don't think he minds.

Mmm.

Now, of course my dad wanted me to be a surgeon,

but there's really not much difference in being a meat cutter,

just a little more room for error.

Honey, you know it's really not too late to go to college in France.

I can make a call.

Well, I couldn't possibly leave my fiancé.

Fiancé?

Yes, uh, how about a June wedding, my dear?

Dad can carve the meat sculpture.

He makes a beautiful pork swan.

Leslie, could we speak to you alone?

Yes.

Pork swan? Nice touch.

Well.

Honey, you are not marrying this meat boy.

Think about what you're doing. You're a Burke, and he's a--

Screech.

Look, we're not getting married.

He's not my boyfriend.

I made up the whole thing.

But why would you do that?

Because I am sick of you always telling me what to wear,

who to date, what school to go to.

I'm 18 years old.

It's time I started making my own decisions.

We only wanted the best for our little girl.

Well, what's best for me is that you stop treating me like a little girl.

Edith, I think we should talk to our therapist about this.

I'll make a call.

So, Mom, Dad, I've been thinking about names for the grand kids.

What do you think of Itchy and Scratchy?

Hey there.

Good morning.

So how did Johnny's interview go at the studio last night?

Fine.

Well, that was nice of him to take you.

Oh yeah, really nice.

He's a great guy, huh?

Oh yeah, he's a prince.

So why don't I believe a word you're saying?

You want to know the truth about our hero?

He hit on me in the limo.

And when I said no,

he picked up another girl at the TV station

and told me to take a cab home.

Johnny Walters, big hero, big jerk.

I had no idea.

I'm sorry, Kelly.

It's not your fault.

[knocking]

Hey, Zack. You ready?

Yeah, hold on a minute there, Johnny.

What happened with you and Kelly last night?

Oh, nothing, man. You win a few, you lose a few.

Come on. The limo's waiting.

Maybe another time.

Another time?

Zack, there won't be another time.

Now, these guys can get your career moving before you even graduate.

Think about this, buddy.

I have.

I'm gonna have to pass.

[knocking]

Hey, Mike.

What happened to your golf game?

Um, not playing.

He stood you up, huh?

Yeah, something like that.

I'm sorry, Zack.

Why?

I mean, you warned me about the guy,

and here I was just thinking you were jealous.

Want to know something?

I am jealous.

And why shouldn't I be?

Walters has fame and money.

He's a national hero.

All I've got are two bad knees and a 13-inch TV.

It's color.

Sometimes.

Do you know what really kills me?

He's still playing a game that I would play for nothing.

That must be rough.

My last game,

I couldn't bring myself to take off my uniform

because I knew that I would never get to put it back on again.

That scared the heck out of me.

After the game,

I walked around the field for hours smelling the grass, the dirt.

I didn't want to let it go,

but I had to.

The sprinklers came on.

Mike, I know this isn't the NFL,

but I'm telling you, the kids here really need you.

And I couldn't have gotten through that test without you.

I know that doesn't sound like much.

It means more than you think.

Whoa.

[laughs]

[laughs]

[screams]

Ta-da.