Original subtitles

"And now, the Cinemax Reelife documentary."

I'm really confused by you, Phil.

Ask anybody that's in this room, if they had to be 24 hours...

seven days a week with you, you are maddening.

- Everything has to be your way. - You're making me wrong

- And you're not making me wrong? - I haven't made you wrong.

Okay, Phil.

Joan, you got to understand. This is about me. I need calmness.

And when you start going off, I'm telling you, my body hurts.

So I don't give a fuck how you feel. I'm the one that's fucking dying.

- How you fucking feel fuck you. - Don't...

- Don't die like a jerk. - Dad, that's not fair.

- Don't be like a jerk. - I talk the way I talk.

I know you want to... Dad I'm not doing anything...

I didn't tell you how to talk. I don't think that's fair...

- what you're saying, Dad. - Well, maybe you should leave.

I'm not going to leave. You both are my parents...

and I don't feel it's fair.

- Who cares what you feel? - Well, Dad.

Alena, I would really like to ask you to be quiet.

You're the daughter. Shut the fuck up and let me talk, or leave.

No, I will leave. And you know what? And you know what? I forgive you.

I don't care if you forgive me or not.

I do. I forgive you.

And mom, I'm sorry.

And I'm not going to stand by while you're being a jerk.

- And it's not running away, dad. - I never call...

And you... And what you're doing is glowing from this.

Leave out and close the door when your father is dying.

I'm leaving. I'm taking my car and I'm splitting.

Four weeks ago is when I found out my time is limited.

So at this particular point the only thing that can save me...

would be an out and out miracle.

Which so far the physicians I have talked to...

and the team of specialists that are working on me...

from Kaiser is the best there is...

and most of them have been practicing for thirty years.

So, anything that could save me would be an out and out miracle...

and none of them have seen a miracle.

Now, because I'm spiritual...

I have hope that I could be the one...

I could be the miracle.

Is there a way that someone who's doing research...

like John Wayne Center, can freeze me for like five to ten years...

until they get the technology?

And what would we call that, a Phil Francicle?

That's very good. A Francicle.

How many people have you seen die?

- What kind of question is that? - A lot.

How do they take it toward the end? Why?

Because I want to know what's going to happen.

I'm not here to tell you that you're dying today or tomorrow or next week.

I'm here to deal with what's so today.

Today you're alive.

You get to be with your family.

It's not enough.

Philip was always good, good, good. It was sickening.

He was a good child in school, he was a good child at home.

As Philip got older, he really got conscious about being important...

about being rich, and he wanted to be Howard Hughes.

All he wanted to do was be rich like Howard Hughes.

That was his ambition in life. He got...

as he got out of high school, he went to college for business.

He got his business degree and everything.

He got a janitorial service.

He got contracts at buildings all over the Valley.

Philip then got the biggest house, the biggest car...

the biggest pool, the biggest driveway.

Everything he got, he got ahead all of our friends.

And he lived large. He had, it was like a depression.

He recesseded a little, but then he got back everything he had recessed.

So he did well. And now he has a large family...

he has a bunch of dumb kids right here.

Nobody can bring me down at this point.

No matter what they tell me.

Because it's me it's happening to.

It's directly happening to you...

and indirectly happening to all of the rest of us.

We're all dealing with her father in different ways, okay?

And everybody has been like, holding up for him...

and not crying around him.

And my situation sucks.

- And Phil, who was all up yesterday. - I don't mean to cry...

and be pissed in front of you, Dad.

- I can't help it. - It's okay to be crying...

- and be pissed. - My situation definitely sucks.

I'm just very low.

I'll tell you one thing, I'd like to know where God is.

I'd like to know where the Tao is.

I'd like to know where Buddhism is.

And I'm not ready to go home.

Okay, can we do problem patients?

Westside.

Problems on the West?

I have one point. A lot of patients are angry...

when we first go in there and open the case. They're angry.

They tell me all the time that they feel that their condition...

should have been caught at a certain time.

It's because of Kaiser, it's because of the doctors that I'm dying."

You know, they should have caught it. I went to the doctor.

And they carry that anger through out the whole process.

- And they displace it on us. - And they displace it on us.

So no matter what you do, you can give an arm and a leg...

and I believe that everybody in here continues to give an arm and a leg...

- but... - You can only do that twice.

- You know? - Four times two arms, two legs.

And it's just not enough.

It's just not enough, because they're angry.

I still can't believe the news. The news is still shocking.

This is...

But I don't understand why it's shocking. He said two.

- He's the first person... - we've already always known.

who came up with two months.

- Everybody else came up with like... - Four.

Four or so.

Where are you going?

To see what the living room looks like.

That's enough to make you die in two hours.

And he says it so calmly.

Joan, why is there no lights in here?

Turn them on.

I have asked you five mother fucking dead-ass times.

Phil, she doesn't need to hear you talking like this.

I don't understand what's going on.

You don't understand half the things I come out with...

and it comes out perfect. You very seldom get what I do...

- and it always comes out right. - Phil.

I need you to turn off the camera.

I know that you want to do it your way...

but your way is not working right now.

You might need to get some more knowledge.

You might need to do nothing...

so that you can get the strength and the energy to move on.

You know, a lot of times in financial business...

and I know you're a wizard at that, you had to stop and take heed...

Hey, wait a minute, let me stop and check this out.

In the financial world, they say...

"When you don't know where to go, you stop".

Yeah, but...

- That's what Amanda Steps taught me. - There you go.

So, at this point in time, everybody's concerned...

and they're really concerned. You need to listen to that.

- Okay. - This evidence.

I hate to tell you why. I'm scared to stop.

I know it. I know that. That's why I'm trying...

- to give you some... - Well, I know you know.

- Why don't we... - We know it, Dad. We know.

- Dad. We knew. - You don't think we knew that?

- That's what I said, "What's next?" - I'm afraid...

- that if it's out of my hands... - There's nothing he has left...

- for anybody. - things may change.

- Trust us. Can you trust us? - Dad, letting go.

- Can you trust us? - Well, let's just take things easy.

Let's easy does it, okay? Let's just do a week, get your reports...

and if you feel better, then you might want to be more active.

They always want to hold my hand.

- I hate this. - Dad likes it.

- No I don't. - He doesn't like but grab my hand.

- Yes, he does. - Do you feel I should take...

Jesus Christ.

Do you feel I should take... now I'm worried, when you do...

- I got to get to hold this. - Look, we're loving daddy.

Where's mom? She doesn't love me.

- Yes, mom does. The drama. - Oh, my God.

- Nobody loves me. - Hey Dad, we'll be here with you.

Shit.

Do you need some help?

Here, let me help you.

Dennis? He had two morphine.

What's going on?

What does that mean?

Well, I know what it means to die. I mean, what is it...

you're saying you feel like you're dying.

I'm looking for some symptoms, something I can address.

You know, every day we're dying.

My...

I'm...

I'm...

You know why I'm here and why I come and see you, right?

Yeah.

I don't know if anybody ever gets prepared for death.

What I want you to know is what is happening to you now...

is normal, is natural.

You're not doing anything wrong.

There's nothing else that you could do...

except be comfortable...

be with your family...

let them help you, let me serve you.

That's all.

So, given where he's at now?

- Not to put a time limit on it - People always ask me that...

and I never know what to say.

God knows how much time.

But I've got him scheduled for Thursday.

I expect he'll be there on Thursday, but if I came in and he was gone...

I can't tell you I'd be terribly surprised.

Okay, I'm recording this alone. It's about 5.30 in the morning.

And from the days and days in the camera...

you've seen that my husband has gone through a rapid decline...

faster than any of us ever thought was possible.

And to watch this man that can no longer care for himself...

and is fighting for his dignity every step of the way.

He's reduced to having to have people take care of him...

which he doesn't want to do and he resents it.

He resents me having to help him in and out of bed.

Today I watched him for an hour, staying up there...

trying to get out of bed, trying to get to the bathroom in time...

and then he peed on himself. And I just watched him so humiliated.

This is a horrible disease.

This is a horrible way to end your life.

This is my husband.

This is what he's reduced to right now.

Okay. Here's Philip Francis.

He passed away...

about 8.40, 8.50 this morning. It's about nine-something.

And he's gone and moved on to a better place.

And I love you, Daddy, and I'll miss you.

Everyone else misses you.

Your future grandchildren and sons-in-law will miss you.

And I know you're in a better place.

I love you, Daddy.

Going into this, you know that a patient is going to die.

Generally speaking, that doesn't bother me...

because I know I make a difference, I know they don't suffer.

I say, generally speaking, because...

recently I had a patient, she was sixteen years old.

And she got to me.

I did take that home and I will never forget her.

It just seemed like she could never catch a break.

I couldn't put it in any kind of a context...

that made it okay for me.

It bothered me.

Alright. These are the people that left this life with us...

in this past week.

Cindy Edwards, Phil Francis, Thompson Hike...

Sean Steven, Marty Miller, Mitchell Amaroy, Desmond Morse...

and Lucille Hugh.

Can we have a moment of silence...

in memory of their lives and their contribution to this world.

I'm Dr. Emont and I work with Nancy and the rest of the team.

I had a chance to look through the chart today...

get a better sense of what's been going on since last year.

A lot of what we do on this program has to do with making sure...

that you're feeling as well as possible.

Are you feeling comfortable right now?

- Not really. - What does that mean?

I'm sleepy.

Is that because you're not sleeping that well at nighttime...

or is it just you feel like the medicines might be doing it?

- Yeah, the medicines. - Okay.

She wants a hospital bed. In the beginning she refused it...

because just, I guess the sense of being in a hospital bed, you know?

But she needs it, though.

I don't know if you're the person to talk about it.

I certainly can do that. I thought you were going to ask me...

for something hard. No, that one's easy.

I can call before I leave and we can make sure to get that delivered.

So we know that if we have some type of emergency...

in the middle of the night, what will happen?

We would encourage you to call the number.

Now, we always encourage you to use that special 24-hour number.

It's really a hotline and it's only for our patients.

- Nobody else gets that number. - Okay.

So the center of the care is to see...

if we can makes things work in the home setting...

because we know that people generally feel best...

when they're at home.

I left a note on that folder for Susan.

And I left my card there, too.

If any questions come up, Mr. Gonzalez, please call us, okay?

- Anything else I can answer today? - No, not really. I don't think so.

Alright. It was very nice to meet you.

- Alright. Thank you. - Nice to meet you.

She has a very uncommon kind of tumor.

It's actually more common in young people, called E-wing's...

or Ewing's, Sarcoma.

And when it first presented, it was already in the nervous system.

And we may start seeing changes more quickly...

than they're prepared to expect.

- Hello, Senor. - Hi. How are you?

Hi. Nice to see you again.

Thank you for letting me be here in your home.

- No, it's my pleasure. - With your wonderful wife...

and lovely home. Thank you.

I know that we had talked in the hospital about no prolongation.

tubes or respirators or things like that.

Okay.

Now this form addresses no resuscitation.

That means that if her heart stops...

you don't want any medical resuscitation.

No.

Taking her, intervating her, putting her on the respirator.

You can sign here. Put your relationship as Father...

and the date.

Do I have to sign, too?

I know this is very difficult.

Granted, I see a lot of people...

but I don't see a lot of nineteen year olds...

and I don't see a lot of families.

If I was diagnosed right now with anything...

- I wouldn't give a damn, really. - I would.

I wouldn't. Not me. You know, life and I, we're even.

I wouldn't bother at all.

- But not my kid. Why? - I know.

You know, Susie never asked for anything.

Susie's not the kind of girl that demands things.

Susie never asked for anything.

This is the first thing Susie ever asked me for.

This.

We were in Mexico and she looked at that picture and she say...

"Daddy, can you buy me this picture?"

And I say, "Why? Why do you want that?" She said, "I want it"...

and I bought it for her. I think she liked the expression or something.

Susie.

Susie. got you.

Susie, it's Douglas from Kaiser.

I'm going to talk with you, okay?

We woke you up?

Are you able to talk to your mom and your dad about what you're feeling?

Not your dad, huh?

I'm sure.

Well, what I'm going to do is...

I'll try talking to your dad a little bit, okay?

- She worries about you a lot. - I know.

She was telling me that she feels bad because she's making you suffer.

- No. - I know.

I talked to her about the difference between her and her illness.

That you still love her and care for her, and that's why you're sad.

And you just don't have any control over her disease.

You know, there's nothing you can do.

Ya. She always worried about me, even when she wasn't sick.

Are you able to sit down with her and tell her how you're feeling?

Yeah, yeah, we talk a lot. It's just that it's not easy.

You guys deal with this every day, I don't.

No, that doesn't make it any easier for us, either.

Alright, let's talk about Susan Gonzalez because...

when I saw her on Monday, my concern with her is that...

she is more sick than her family is aware.

And I think that her prognosis is...

much shorter much, much shorter than anyone anticipates.

My biggest fear is that they're still not at the mindset that...

- Dad is crying all the time. - I know.

He was expressing the feeling that he was a failure as a father...

because he couldn't overcome her disease.

- Oh, my. - And so, we were talking about...

what he had control over and what he doesn't have control over.

I think maybe we should have a family meeting with the parents.

I'll be happy to do that.

To tell them that their daughter does not have long to live.

It's going to happen very soon.

So, I know how to talk to people who have lived their life...

but how do you talk to a father about his own daughter?

- The words just don't come. - About a nineteen year old, right?

I know. The words just don't come.

I mean, the bottom-line is, she's dying...

- And it's not supposed to happen. - And it's not supposed to happen.

Hi. Good morning.

How are you?

We have Doug here, and Susan.

Your mom's here, your grandma's here, and Jennifer's here.

What I'm just going to do right now is to take a listen...

to your lungs and heart. Okay?

So we'll be doing that...

and then we'll be letting you keep sleeping just so you can rest.

And then we'll be able to talk a little bit, okay?

She looks very comfortable right now, but we're at that point...

where we're starting to see the changes...

that we see as a person is getting closer to...

moving on to the next world.

Her breathing pattern is changing...

and she's not as awake as she was before.

And what I've learned from doing this work for many years is that...

I believe very strongly in the power of the mind.

I believe that people let go when they're ready.

Yeah.

It's like now they can move on, and they're ready to move on...

because it's just not as much fun to wake up every day anymore.

And at some level, the ability to understand...

that this is something she's allowing to happen.

This is your time to make sure you're telling her everything...

you need to tell her.

Just keep letting her know how much you love her...

and how much she means to you.

That's the medicine she needs.

We will give our medicine...

to assure that she continues to be comfortable...

but at some point she's going to let go when she's ready...

because it's her choice. She's ready to move on.

Daddy.

Daddy.

- Mija. - What happened?

- What's up, Mija? - What happened?

Nothing.

How you doing?

You okay?

Okay.

There has been a lot of people today.

I mean, a lot. Close to a hundred people today.

As you can see, she has a lot of friends that loved her...

and appreciated her and cared for her.

And we're waiting for the coroner's or the people from hospice...

to come prepare her to take her away.

Yeah.

- Yeah, I feel good. - A relief?

Yeah, yesterday I put my arm under her head...

- Is that right? - Yeah.

That was a good experience last night...

- Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. - Great.

Okay, death summaries. We are having some problems with death summaries.

It seems that they get into the chart without...

the signature of the physician and the social worker.

So, I think the case manager will sign first...

and then pass it on to the social worker or the doctor...

and the doctor will give it to the social worker.

That we agreed upon that.

Okay.

- Did you all get that? Okay. - Okay.

Anna.

When I came in Monday and heard Susan had died...

I actually had to take some time out to go and have a bit of a cry.

And when I was doing that, I was horrified to realize...

that I've gotten to the point where I've pretty much lost much sense...

at all that our patients are human beings and when they die...

that's the end of a life.

And I realize the job has just somehow morphed into nothing...

but irritating bits of paperwork...

and that really saddened me...

because this is such an extraordinary thing to be doing.

They knew I was going to die. To me, it's a blessing.

It's a real blessing. It isn't anything to run from.

The thing about it is, I think that people are so afraid of dying...

is that it makes you want to puke.

The greatest thing that you could possible do is die.

That's being born again.

"Hello?"

Hello, it's Michael with Kaiser Hospice, at the front door.

- Okay. Just a moment. - Thank you.

Alright, let's put your arm down here.

- You seem to be a lot better today. - I seem to be a lot brighter.

What's going on? You just all of a sudden felt better?

No, just strength or something is starting to come back.

Great.

Are you taking any of your morphine and Ativan at night?

- Yes. - Okay.

- Any swelling going on in the feet? - Not as far as I know.

Have you looked at your feet lately? Let me look at your feet.

My daughter, she checks them.

Your daughter's great, she takes such good care of you.

These look great.

I can't find anything wrong with you today, Bob.

That's an A+.

That's an A+.

I didn't expect him to come back this well.

But people do kind of have their ups and downs.

You know, it's great. That's why I was telling him...

Get out and do something.

Do whatever your heart desires because you're not going to have...

I didn't tell him this, but, "You're not going to have all the time...

in the world to do that.

- This is my daughter. - Morning, Papa.

Look at that. Notice that good morning?

That's a plus, plus, and a half.

So, we're ready to go out. See you in a bit.

- See that red dot? - That means it's on.

So, what stop do you want to do first?

Roger Dunn.

Look at those golf clubs for mom?

How are you feeling today, Dad? You alright?

I feel fine. It's just this goddamn stupid breathing.

If I could breathe, you know? I'm breathing a little bit better...

- but I get out of breath so quick. - Sure.

We're off to the golf store to buy a Christmas present for mom.

You're going without your oxygen right now.

Being a little daring?

You tell me if you need it though, Dad. Okay?

- No, I'm fine. - Alright. Let's go.

- I think I better go get that tank. - Yeah? Okay, I'll go get it.

I guess we needed the tank after all.

Well, I guess we found our Christmas present.

I'm sure she'll be very happy about it.

Today Daddy's coming with me to the Buddhist church that we go to.

And this is the Buddhist church.

It's a very beautiful, spiritual place.

It's the only place in the world where I've ever...

found absolute, total peace.

This is the bell that they ring to remind people...

of the current moment and how special life is.

I'm supposed to go make funeral arrangements...

which I haven't been able to do right now...

because I just emotionally haven't been able to go down there.

I tell him every day, I love him.

And I tell him every day, there's miracles.

And I tell him not to give up...

but I also tell him to do what's comfortable for himself.

We have talked so much about leaving each other...

but I don't believe love ever dies.

I think the person's not there, but the love...

Okay.

This is my mother, Margie Pierce.

Hey, mom, how's it's going?

Okay. I'm all ready.

We've been to the Buddhist church.

My parents are good friends, but they're not married anymore.

I don't know, I guess things happen.

Family entrance.

Son of a bitch. If I got to argue all the time

He'll tell me off.

Come on you guys, chill. You're not even married.

What's that got to do with anything?

You get the milk for nothing, so why buy the cow?

No, but you know what? You're totally out of line.

This is what you get. Okay?

So, you just thank God.

See that lecture I get?

This is what the family does every year for the last fifty years.

They get together, get higher than a kite, and decorate the tree.

Your pills make you feel better, right?

He's doing the Ativan cha-cha.

The Ativan dance by Robert C. Pierce.

Oh, my God.

No.

Not Taliban, Ativan.

- Get in the van with the Ativan. - Ativan.

- Get in the van with the Ativan. - Not Taliban, Ativan.

We don't have rules in this house. We do whatever we feel like.

What's going on there?

Damn it.

Don't I have cool parents?

They're necking.

- You're going to kill me. - No, I'm not.

No, I'm not.

I woke up about 3 o'clock in the morning...

wondering if this is it and whether or not I should ready myself.

So, what kind of things do you go through...

when you are getting to that edge, you know?

I think what may happen is that...

you're cancer will continue to grow...

and because of where it's at you will get more short of breath.

The bastard wouldn't be quick, it has to be slow.

Who in the hell every said that death wasn't slow?

I'll be glad when I'm over it. That's all I got to say.

Robert Pierce has lung cancer, history of pneumonia.

He's becoming increasingly short of breath.

We're upping the morphine, we're upping the Ativan.

It seems to help at least that's what he tells me when I visit him.

But then he has these episodes of extreme anxiety...

probably because he can't breathe very well.

So, I went out there, and educated the daughter...

and educated the patient on...

Okay, you need to give yourself large doses...

when you're feeling that anxious.

I want to you to like, take this and breathe it...

like you're breathing air, go...

Alright?

It's tempting for me to have some, but I'm not going to.

Okay, so, just go...

like that.

As best you can, breathe it in, alright?

How are you feeling?

What's that, Bob? You feel horrible?

No.

Now when you say, this is great...

what I hear is Bob Pierce's sarcastic sense of humor.

Am I hearing you right?

Yes.

In other words, this is not great, right?

Yes.

It's been pretty painful, I mean, for me.

I've kind of like, I've been like really nervous...

and I've been dropping things.

I've been like, on warp speed...

because the house has turned into a hospital station, you know?

Because we're like people are coming and going and coming and going.

So I'm a little bit stressed out.

But he's comfortable and that's the main thing, so I don't...

I just want him to stay the same.

He made a big point of emphasizing to me that he was not having pain.

That... In fact he said to me...

"Michael, I feel wonderful". Just like that.

And I think what he was telling me is...

he didn't want people to worry about him.

Well, you know, Bob, you can see better than anybody...

that things have definitely changed. Big-time.

I think that your body is not where it was before.

And I think that...

I think that you may be, you may be dying, Bob.

It's very hard for me to say this, but my father passed away...

April 1st at 11.45.

And this is what it's like now, for me...

without him.

And this is the bed where my dad died.

"I've become attached to Bob..."

"and there's a little bit of a grieving process..."

"and this is what I do."

I help people through the dying process...

"I help guide them through the dying process."

"And so, whatever feelings I have, they just come to the surface..."

"when I can clearly see that the person is actively dying."

"Then I just try to let that attachment go."

"I try to let it go."

I know that the rest of the team has accepted...

that death is inevitable for all of us...

but I've had very few people that say...

"You know, I've had a really great life, I'm ready to go".

And it doesn't matter how much immense suffering...

some of the people have, how tremendous pain.

They do not want to die.

And I suspect I will wind up also in that category.

One thing I've definitely learned from dealing with the dying...

is that I don't want to be...

in a spot where I'm suffering for months on end.

I do not want that.

And I would put myself to death by my own hand...

and I don't know if anyone else believes in that, but I do.

I would put myself to death at my own hand...

if I had a terminal diagnosis...

and I was starting to deteriorate and suffer.

I think there's a challenge though, to find meaningfulness in suffering.

There's a meaningfulness in that experience.

And that's where...

I hope that my consciousness...

would be lead in my own dying process.

I've often told people that family and friends that dying of cancer...

can be a very spiritual experience in that...

it will lend itself to having families and patients prepare...

and have that time for closure, for saying goodbye.

Personally, I do believe...

that I can help my patients and their families...

to come to have some sort of emotional growth at the end of life.

To tie up the loose ends, emotionally.

And that's a part of what I do. But suffering, per se?

I don't see a whole lot of meaning to suffering, per se.

Rosie does travel.

I tell you, I have too many things to do...

to be completely bedridden...

or completely taken down by this disease.

- It's so painful. - I know it's painful.

You have no idea.

Well, you've got bare tissue there...

that's being exposed to all the things going through your system.

You know, it's got to burn and hurt. It's got to.

That's why I have to stay busy a little bit...

- because I can't stand the pain. - I know.

- Oh my God. - It's horrible. I know.

You feel like your insides are going to fall out.

We got to keep you busy so you think about something else.

Don't you have one of those at home already?

You going to get that, Rosalie?

I used to work at a cellular store and Rosalie was my customer.

And we just became friends after that.

And then when she first told me she had cancer...

she told me over the phone and we were both crying.

And I told her, "Don't worry. I'll be there for you."

When she finally told me, "I need to have someone with me every day".

So, I'm glad that I'm here

I don't complain. I just do whatever she wants.

You know? And because I do love her, she's my friend...

and I'm very loyal to my friends.

- Over here, babe. - How are you?

- My doctor is here. - Okay.

I'm starting to feel an ache in my back.

- Okay. - No, I'm just kidding.

This is Sonia. She's going to be with me every day.

I thought you guys were together.

She's just now learning how to use a camera.

Well, I think it'd good.

- Well, nice meeting you. - Nice to meet you.

Our goal is to make her very comfortable.

We don't force anything.

If she wants to eat anything, she can do that.

If she doesn't, that's fine.

We don't force her because she needs to be happy.

Yeah, I know.

Okay, because that's part of the philosophy.

- We don'r... She is terminal. - She's not terminal, though.

- Okay. Alright. - She is terminal.

She told me to talk to you. She's terminal.

Anything can happen from now on.

Therefore, it's so important for us to make her happy...

and don't contradict anything. Just...

Yes, I'm here.

Okay.

She's in for a big surprise.

She is in for a big surprise. She's not going to die.

I know it.

She has a deep faith in God, and God performs miracles.

What I'm doing here, this is holy water.

I put it on her forehead and over the heart.

Now, as I put my hand down...

Ruth my angel's hand, in a light form...

slides right under my hand.

From this point on, Ruth has complete control over my hands...

and she will guide me to the parts that's needed to be healed.

Now Rosalie has a tumor in her colon that we're trying to make disappear.

Angels of healing, bring wholeness and healing to Rosalie.

Do I really believe that there's a God...

that there are angels that exist that can do miraculous things?

Absolutely.

Because I've seen them. I have seen them, actually seen them.

I've seen them operate. I've seen miraculous things happen in my life.

And I've totally gone against so called medical advice...

because of this deep, deep belief that I have.

And it has carried me, literally carried me through.

We thank you, Lord God, that you have brought us to this house...

to get more of you. That'll we'll leave this place not like we came.

In the name of Jesus.

- Baby, hold some. - Come now, don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid today. You alive now.

They are done this here, right now.

You're receiving all of it. Yes, you're getting all of it.

You're getting every bit. Every bit.

In the name of Jesus.

Hallelujah.

I have this pain in my side and still a lot of pain here...

so we'll see how I feel when I leave here.

Now she explained to me that what she's doing right now...

is she releasing... You're releasing an energy?

- Your stuck energy. - She's releasing my stuck energy.

- Through her, by burping it out. - That I'm not able to release.

Right. So she's not trying to be rude.

Yeah.

So, I want anyone who watches this to understand what she's doing.

Better than farting and throwing up.

Right. That's what she also told me.

- Do you sell these beds, as well? - Yes, I sure do.

How much are they?

They run right around 3,300 dollars.

They're on sale right now for 2,500 dollars.

- That's beautiful. - If you want God's gifts...

we're going to charge for them.

I've got so much pain down in here.

You know, I am so absolutely exhausted, Glenn...

from being under this financial pressure that...

I am just beside myself.

I mean, I am just so fed up with it. I just told God...

You know, God, you got to do something and do something soon...

because I cannot live like this anymore.

Are any of these generic? Because she's allergic to generic.

- It should be on her records. - You don't want the generic?

The last time we were here they said you only carried brand name of Norco.

I went to the emergency room doctor and he goes...

"Okay, you have no refills" And I said, "Yes, I do."

"I have a refill on this. Okay?" He says, "No, you don't".

He says, "Okay, Miss Evans, let's just get down to the facts here".

He says, "I'm going to ask you right out, direct".

And I said, "Okay, fine. Ask me me whatever you want to ask me".

- How many words? - He goes, "Are you a drug addict?"

And I said, "No, sir, I'm not a drug addict...

but if I continue on this program and keep taking all this medication...

I can't promise you anything".

I said, "But right now, it's the worse of the two evils...

because when you're in pain, you got to take medicine...

so what can you do?"

What about the morphine? Where is the morphine now?

The morphine that we ordered last time.

The morphine?

Every time I go there, the Norco disappear.

There was no Norcos at all. We had to reorder, right, doctor?

- Frequently. - Frequently.

She would say things like...

her daughter cleaned up the apartment...

including throwing away of her medications.

- So, it was just... - One thing after another.

her stories didn't make a lot of sense...

for someone who should be a lot more responsible than that.

So, to help with her responsibility...

it was felt that switching her to methadone would be the best choice...

since it doesn't have any additional value outside of the home.

Yeah, the doctor say that we need to have a meeting...

regarding your pain medication control, again.

So what's she going to take, meanwhile?

Meanwhile, she can take the Norco. I mean, the methadone.

I can't take the methadone.

That's fine, because we've now been working all this time...

and we need to have a meeting again with the social worker...

with the medical director, with everybody at work.

Rosalie, what do you want to do about this?

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

I'm totally helpless.

What am I going to do? I can't call in medication?

Do you want to stay with this hospice program...

- How can I stay on this medicine? - that's holding you hostage?

- This is ridiculous. - I mean, I'm paying Kaiser...

400 dollars a month for my medical care.

- What am I supposed to do? - Okay, Rosalie, I'm leaving.

- This is ridiculous. - I'm leaving.

The doctor wants you to continue trying the methadone.

Otherwise, I'll call you this afternoon.

- How can I stay on this methadone? - I know, Rosalie, but that's what...

Why don't you let me talk to him?

Patricia is telling me now...

she feels inadequate to handle this patient and her cohort.

She thinks the caregiver is very intimidating.

She's trying to be very intimidating to her...

when she's not agreeing with the patient.

And so I was thinking of changing the case manager...

the RN case manager. We have done that with other cases.

And if you're feeling inadequate, you're feeling intimidated...

it's about time I think we give somebody who can set the boundary...

and set the limits for this patient. This is a drug abuser.

Well, I've decided hospice isn't for me.

I can't wait until the day Rosalie is completely healed...

and we can show Patricia...

- Wait until you see the real me. - how wrong she was.

We'll just have lots of fun.

That's all my life is for me, just fun.

Now I'm paying for it.

I got so many things I want to do.

I enjoy life. I love life.

Never thought I'd go through something like this.

I'm putting God to the test.

If You're up there and You exist, and You're real, here I am.

I've put my life in Your hands.

You're my creator, I'm Your creation.

There's nothing they can do for me.

What are You going to do?

You want to talk about what happened today in the bathroom?

That's something major.

I feel today that I... That...

- You want me to say it? - I'm passing pieces of this tumor.

- That's I've passed... - Big pieces.

fairly large pieces.

I mean, medically somebody would have to see it to okay it...

but from what I saw and what I've been told that it looks like...

that's what I would confirm it as.

Just gotten to Rosalie's house.

It's seven something in the morning...

and she said she's not having a good day.

I'm going to go see what's going on.

You in the bathroom?

What's going on?

Rosalie is gone.

That means she's living in Georgia now...

with her daughter.

And her daughter's going to take care of her there, which is good.

And I don't know what's going to happen next...

but I am very hurt, by the way, it happened.

After spending five months with your friend every day...

then just have them leave.

I don't think that's right.

Okay, let's move along. Alright.

- 7455... - Time.

- Time. - Let's move alone.

Okay, let's do it. Let's go.

Sorry, I didn't prepare for this thing.

We're just inundated here.

Okay, let's proceed with the...

"Happy birthday to you"

"Happy birthday, dear Supervisor"

"Happy birthday to you"

We're going to walk inside.

Hello.

How you doing, Papa?

- Okay. - Your nose thing's crooked.

Stick them up your nose, Mister.

How you doing, Daddy?

Stan Cepin, the man, the myth, the legend.

And this is my ugly mug. See the screen, Dad?

- Can you see me on it? - Yeah.

My name's Mike. I'm Stan's son.

And I think this is a wonderful program.

You alright?

Alright as...

Here, man, the camera.

Hold it. Point it toward me.

- Hold it up. Can you see me? - Yeah.

- See me now? - Yes. Here, that's enough...

- Now you can't see me? - that's enough foolishness for now.

- You sure? - Yeah.

- Leave you alone? - Leave me alone.

- Stanley Cepin. - Is he imminent?

No, he's not imminent.

This is a very slow disease process with him...

In fact, on my last visit he ask, he said he had a dream...

where he coughed up his tumor and it came out...

so he asked me, "Could it be that I'll get over this?"

I think I said, "All things are possible...

but the probability is that, you know, you won't".

- It's 4.30 in the morning. - Okay.

Having a little trouble coughing some crap up, or what?

Yeah, I'm having a little trouble.

- Got some Kleenex there, sir? - Yeah, I got plenty of Kleenex.

Got night vision, Stan-cam.

It's a fulltime job just going to the bathroom, isn't it, Pops?

Where the hell... Is there a hole here?

There is no hole.

Sorry man, don't mean to chuckle. Pull them down. Drop them.

Drop your drawers.

Booty-cam.

- Do you love me? - Oh, Jesus.

There are no words in the dictionary, Michael.

Alright. Got it out of him.

He still didn't say it.

Out of the seven children, I'm number seven. I'm the only son.

And I was born seven years after my youngest sister.

My dad was mostly working.

He worked all the time.

That's what he did.

I wouldn't see him...

as much as you would think you would see him, you know?

And that's really all I ever wanted when I was a kid...

was to see him, you know?

And I never really knew why.

So, instead of asking why, I just made up all these reasons.

So...

My sister arrived from the airport.

- Here I am. - You've made it.

- How are you, honey? - Coffee beans for every occasion.

This is Katie, my middle sister. Love her dearly.

She's preparing a fresh green salad for Dad.

Green food.

And this is the way it works around here.

It's my turn.

Smile for the camera, Papa. One more time.

I'm sorry. You have to hold on.

- I know it hurts. - Here, hold my hand, Dad.

I'm holding on to my own hand.

I'm sorry.

I'm going to get you some number stuff, Dad.

I'm sorry. Hold still, Dad. It's almost coming.

Okay, we're done. It's clean.

It's clean, Mike. Come and see it.

That came out of my dad's belly. Looks almost like a horse's head.

How harsh.

Oh, my God, get out of here.

Where did you find this guy?

Looks like a seahorse.

Where'd you find this guy?

- I'm your son. - No, you're not.

You're just the aliens, took our real brother...

and you're just somebody they left in their place.

I came out of a milk bottle.

I was going to say he came out of the third paint pail on the beach.

I got to go.

- Love you. - Thanks for coming.

Yes. I'll be back in a couple of weeks.

- I'm going to miss you. - I know. Don't cry.

You'll make me cry.

- Don't cry, Daddy. - Don't cry, Daddy.

Bye, sis.

If Mikey's mean to you, you can just tell me.

- Okay. - I'll take him...

Get over it. Everyone says I'm so mean to the guy.

- Bye, Katie. - Behave, babe.

- I will. - Alright. I love you.

I love you dearly.

- Well, daddy, Katie's gone. - I know.

What do you say?

I'm sorry. She'll be back. I'll miss her.

We'll miss her.

We'll get some time to spend some time together.

You don't mind, do you?

Arms here.

Lean in. Down in there.

No, way down. Like that.

Okay.

Like we're going to wash your hair. Okay, you ready?

Here comes the water. Ready?

Keep your eyes closed.

Okay, got to leave that on there for a minute, so, just stay put.

Almost over, man.

Okay now we're going to drop your drawers...

and change out your underwears.

How about some pink polka dotted ones?

I don't care.

Right now, I'm in charge.

My job's to make you...

I'd hate to have you for a fucking general.

presented, presentable for inspection of God...

because that's the only person I have to answer to, Dad.

I was really super close to my mom.

I mean, she and I always talked. We were close.

And so like, when she died...

I didn't have anybody to talk to anymore.

That was weird because my mom was like...

I hate to say therapist...

but she was just my mom.

She was like that allencompassing figure of your mother.

When this situation arose, then it was just like, "Oh, jeez".

What do you do with all the issues involved and the animosity.

So, that's what I'm going through with him right now.

So, what's going on in the world today.

I don't know. I'm trying to find out.

Stan, I think a couple of weeks ago...

the doctor increased your Prozac, for the depression.

Has he been taking more of that?

You know, I gave it to him, and he was awake for...

all night long...

and so I've just been giving him the regular dosage.

You know, one of the side effects of the antidepressants like Prozac...

is that they can at least temporarily make you awake.

How come you want to sleep so much?

Makes you sleep forever?

What are you saying, Stan, you just want to go to sleep...

until you go into a final sleep?

Because that what you say.

Well, I mean, did you ever try to do anything about it?

No.

Well, I'm excited because we are going to take Dad...

for a ride outside in the wheelchair and it's a beautiful day.

Okay, Daddy.

It's too cold out there. I was out there.

- When were you out there? - A little while ago.

You were not.

I walked down the steps and walked back up again.

When?

- Earlier. - Don't you lie to me like that.

- Earlier. - That's not fair.

The only fucking place you walked was from your bed...

to the fucking chair.

I've been hawking you like a hawk.

I woke you up at ten to twelve and look at what time it is.

You know, when I told you I had to go take a pee?

And I stood right there.

I was outside on the front porch buying cookies from the Girl Scouts.

When you came back in.

So, how did you walk down the stairs and back?

Dad, don't lie to me. You're breaking my heart.

- Now you're just being mean. - No.

Hello, everybody.

Same problem. You keep bumping me in the back.

A little close-up of my dad's nose.

Here's the old man checking it out.

So, Stanley Cepin.

I talked with his son...

who tells me that he is basically stable...

although one of the sisters had said that they were afraid...

that he wouldn't be able to take care of Stanley properly.

I was out there right after your visit...

and Mike is definitely the son going through...

a breakthrough in reality.

He's been intellectually aware that his father is dying...

ever since day one when we came in...

but now it's hitting him on an emotional level...

and I'm not sure that that's going to change before he dies.

A couple of things.

One...

you know, I'm going to through a monkey wrench into this, okay?

I'm going to throw out the option that Stan...

may become too much...

for everybody here...

and that we may need to let Stan temporarily live at a nursing home...

where they have nurses around the clock who are awake...

and actually work night hours and day hours...

and can actually take care of him.

My problem with that...

I'm not going to sleep here or anywhere else...

if he's in a nursing home for five days.

I will sleep at the nursing home...

or in the parking lot of the nursing home...

- Why? - or some bizarre thing like that.

Because I don't trust them. I don't trust nursing homes.

I've worked on them, I've seen them.

I don't think that there are very many that are...

I don't like them, okay?

- Hey, Dad. Are you with us? - Yeah, I'm with you.

Alright.

I love my dad.

And I would never let him go to a nursing home...

under any circumstance whatsoever...

and that's why he's in the house being taken care of by me.

Poor guy.

- Landscape. - I expect three or four days.

Good. How about a 40 bet dollars. I'm sorry, that's morbid.

Who's the number-one son?

Sorry, Daddy. Daddy's gurgling.

He's just gurgling away.

Stan passed away on April 14th, 8.45 in the evening.

He lived life to the fullest.

He loved people and he was just a wonderful, loving, jovial man...

and he will be sorely missed.

There's days when... I just don't know...

what I'm going to do without my father, you know?