Original subtitles

(tense ambient music)

Downloaded from YTS.MX

- [Narrator] Long ago in 2015, three assholes,

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

I mean, three great heroes,

fought bravely to avoid all forms of adult responsibility.

Little did they know that their destiny was at hand.

Anyway...

(tense energetic music)

(tense energetic music continues)

♪ Every day, Mary Jane and I go for a walk ♪

♪ She's a pretty little thing

♪ Lots of people talk about her ♪

♪ I'm so glad I found her

♪ And I love the way she makes me feel ♪

♪ She's been with me all these years ♪

♪ And I know this love is real

♪ She keeps me high as a kite and I feel so right ♪

♪ Every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it it extra crispy ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and it feels so right ♪

♪ Every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I've got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it extra nipped ♪

♪ Because I'm high as fuck yep, yep ♪

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck

♪ You can bet I'm high as fuck

♪ Mary Jane she lifts me up

♪ I'm high as fuck but wide awake and aware ♪

♪ I'm Sticky Muck, you can't imitate, or fake, or compare ♪

♪ We can share this love for lady Mary ♪

♪ And she's a very aromatic flower ♪

♪ Sweeter than a Crunch Berry

♪ And I'm high as a kite

♪ Feels so right every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it extra crispy ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and it feels so right ♪

♪ Every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it extra nipped ♪

♪ Because I'm high as fuck, yep, yep ♪

♪ I'm high as fuck, yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck, yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck, yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck, yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck

♪ You can bet I'm high as fuck

♪ Mary Jane, she lifts me up

♪ We're up talking and smoking

♪ Up all the spliffs around the nation ♪

♪ She's a medical miracle miracle inspiration ♪

♪ I could write a whole dang album ♪

♪ About this magical creation

♪ I keep a big smile plastered on my face ♪

♪ Because I'm high as a kite and it feels so right ♪

♪ Every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I've got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it extra crispy ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and it feels so right ♪

♪ Every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I've got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it extra nipped ♪

♪ Because I'm high as fuck yep, yep ♪

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ You can bet I'm high as fuck

♪ Mary Jane, she lifts me up

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck

♪ You can bet I'm high as fuck

♪ Mary Jane she lifts me up

- See, Mac? This is how you be a functioning stoner.

(lighter flicking)

(Mac groans)

(laughs) Store opens at 12:00.

Party starts at 10:00. - Mm.

(Regina scoffs)

(bright whimsical music)

- Did you know that they're combining the Julius Caesar

and the Sherman Walker to make, life, a super weed?

Trichomes on Trichomes on Trichomes, bro.

- No, I didn't.

Did you know that they're already secretly working

on the PS5 and it's gonna be silver?

They'll probably call the new Xbox, the Xbox 2.

- That's garbage. They're just trying to sell magazines.

That's the PS4 Shop Silver and the Xbox 2?

How could they possibly call it that?

It's not the second Xbox console to come out.

- Well, didn't stop 'em from naming the third Xbox 1, so...

- Plus we all know that they're not coming out

with another gen for, like, five years.

But this? Now, this is brilliant.

We might never have to smoke skank weed again.

- Keep dreaming, Warren. That's for the growers.

- Whatever. More super weed for me.

- You greedy bastard. - Whatever.

You're gonna be smoking nothing,

and I'm gonna be super high on super weed

and I'm gonna be like, "Look at me, I smoke-"

- So did you guys open the store today on time or...

(bright upbeat music)

(bong water bubbling)

(Mac grunting)

- Not only did we open on time, we showed up early.

- [Warren] Early.

- I find that hard to believe.

But considering this place is deserted

and we still have some party prep to do-

- Two hour work day. Score.

- All right.

- Only because it is my birthday.

- It's your birthday?

- Speaking of which, did you guys get Solo cups?

- Oh, about that.

- It's all coming back to me.

- [Regina] Right. - We forgot.

- Figures I'd have to do all the work for my own party.

- I thought this was a Halloween party.

(bright whimsical music)

How come I spent the last two weeks

making a costume if it isn't?

- How many times do we have to go over this?

Thanksgiving was three days ago. This is my costume party.

- Thanksgiving was three days ago?

- This is exactly how we missed Halloween.

And probably why I won't get any presents

from you jerks until next month.

- You're lucky if you get any presents

with that attitude, honey.

- Hey.

I am officially in my late 20s.

I deserve presents for making it this long.

- You look as young as the damage.

- Bullshit. - Come on.

I'll get the cups and we can start pre-cleaning early.

- Sweet.

- [Regina] (sighs) Why is that always like that?

- Oh, this? Here you go, my lady.

A raven for your grace.

- When are you gonna open this?

- What? I already told you.

Anything with my dad's handwriting is not good news.

- Warren, are you scared of the big bad papa bear?

Come on now. You're an adult.

- How dare you.

- We're not adults, Reg. We're children.

Children in adult bodies. - Yeah.

Don't judge our trans age lifestyle.

- Whatever. Come on, guys.

(bright whimsical music)

(crowd chattering)

- So then I was thinking I could just break up with her

for four weeks, beat the game and then get back together.

- That's- - Repulsive.

(bright whimsical music continues)

(party-goer gasps) (glass crashes)

- No! The bong bong ends!

- That hurts! - That's what you get

for coming into my house and breaking my shit.

Go away and never come back. You shall not pass.

- You people are crazy.

- Oh, you haven't seen crazy.

I'm gonna ruin you like the end of Loth.

- I'm just gonna go through the back here.

- Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

- What?

- Well, I see nothing's changed.

- Oh, my God, Ava.

(bright percussive music)

What are you doing here?

- You didn't think I'd miss your birthday, did you?

(bright energetic music) (crowd chattering)

- They better not have broken something.

(bright energetic music continues)

(game console clicking)

- Whoa. He's a guitar god.

- Well, who wants to pour me a drink?

- Come on! Nice!

(tense booming music)

- Thank you.

- That was a pretty impressive run.

- I am always impressive.

- So uh, who do you know at the party?

- Oh, I was invited by, uh...

I was actually invited by a customer.

- Oh, you work at GameStop, right?

What was your name? - Roger. At your service.

And uh, my boy tells me you, you work at Game On.

- Nice to meet you. I'm Regina and I run Game On.

It's kind of, like, a anime web cafe.

- Oh, no, I know. I've been in there.

And you know what, man? It's a fucking good idea.

But- - But what?

- But do you mind if I'm totally honest with you?

- Yeah. - I mean,

I love going in there.

I love picking up the SNES game controller

and I love that you gave us nerds someplace to go,

but your customer service is fucking horrible.

- What? I have excellent customer service.

- Yeah, maybe you do.

But those two guys over there.

- Take it to the dome go or go home.

You got this, bro. Ah, ah, ah.

- Absolutely butchering this fucker.

- Well, we are going through

some major changes. - That's good.

- Better management. - Awesome.

- Uh, restocking on the essentials

and better customer service.

Of course. - Excellent.

- Like, Game On the way it should be,

not how it has become.

- That's great. And man, I'm definitely coming back.

(bright energetic music) (crowd chattering)

- Cordelle. - Hey, Reg.

(bright percussive music)

- Hey, dude, what are you supposed to be? Indiana Jones?

- I'm a slave master obviously.

Go, get me a beer, (indistinct).

- I have no idea how to respond to that.

- Just in time Coredealer. We're about to blaze a fatty.

- I guess my weed senses were tingling.

- Did somebody say weed?

(bright percussive music)

- Ooh, Weston, you made it.

I didn't think you were gonna.

- Didn't you hear that this was a costume party?

- This is my costume. I'm a straight guy.

Hoo. - Hoo.

- I don't get it.

- Oh, that's okay, honey. At least you're pretty.

(bright whimsical music)

- Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you the Millennium blunt.

(group exclaiming)

- Wow, you guys are still doing this?

- What the hell is a Millennium blunt?

- It's the culmination of years of epic stoner boredom

and ingenuity.

Okay, to make a Millennium blunt,

you first need 10 century blunts.

And to make a century blunt, you need 10 generation blunts.

Do you get it?

- [Group] No. - To make a generation blunt,

you take 10 roaches from 10 regular blunts

and put them together to make one generation.

And then you smoke a generation.

Once you do that 10 times over,

you take your 10 generation roaches

and put them together to make a century blunt.

And then you do that 10 times over and viola.

You have a Millennium blunt.

- And since each blunt has, like, 10 to $20 worth

of weed in it, it's basically a $10,000 blunt.

- I can't believe you thought of this shit.

- You gonna smoke it or not?

♪ I just want to chill for the night ♪

♪ I just want to take shots, girl ♪

♪ I just wanna fuck with the people that fuck ♪

♪ With the people that fuck with us ♪

♪ 'Cause I just want to do whatever ♪

♪ I just want to live my life

♪ I just want to live this lifestyle ♪

♪ 'Cause you don't live it twice ♪

♪ I just want to live for the night ♪

♪ I just want to take shots, girl ♪

♪ I just wanna fuck with the people that fuck ♪

♪ With the people that fuck with us ♪

♪ 'Cause I just want to do whatever ♪

♪ I just want live my life

♪ I just want to live this lifestyle ♪

♪ 'Cause you don't live it twice ♪

♪ Live it twice ♪ I just want to

♪ Make a few statements

♪ Ain't got time for the fakeness ♪

♪ All I want to do is blow marijuana smoke ♪

♪ 28 grams of the greatness

♪ I should be a pilot, I'm already high ♪

♪ To fly like a plane in the sky, man ♪

♪ I'm a captivate this moment

♪ Increase your liquor consumption ♪

♪ You have the time of your life ♪

♪ You have the time of your life ♪

♪ And when the morning come you get the hang up ♪

- No!

(bright whimsical music) (Darth Vader moaning)

(birds singing)

(Mac groaning)

(bottles clinking)

(bright whimsical music)

(bottles clinking)

(door banging)

- Ow!

(bright whimsical music continues)

(knife clattering)

Hello, beautiful.

Victory.

(bottles clinking)

- Hey, guys, I'm gonna go open up the store.

- Why are we working today? It doesn't make any sense.

- It makes perfect sense.

If the store doesn't make enough

to at least cover our salaries,

how are you gonna pay for all that weed that you smoke,

let alone rent?

- Rent?

- I am not doing this alone. You have one hour to show up.

No more than an hour. Clean this shit up.

- Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Bye, miss manager.

You want to get high?

(Warren coughing)

- Dude, kids come in here.

- Seriously? This is not a healthy environment for kids.

Somebody should tell their parents.

- Years of friendship and you are still

the worst gamer I know.

- Just because I've watched you play every game

under the sun does not mean I know which combo shoots fire.

- Mac, uh, there's a few things for you.

And Warren-

- Since when do women come in here?

- She's here every Sunday, and you say that every Sunday.

- I have no memory of this.

(Regina coughing)

- You hear that? That's your brain gasping for air.

(bright whimsical music)

- [Mac] Oh, shit. It's Papa Warren.

- Hello, Warren.

- Hey, Dad.

(gentle suspenseful music)

- I take it you did not read my letter.

- It's the 21st century, Dad. You could call.

- I did call. Several times, in fact.

You didn't answer. - I've been busy.

The store doesn't run itself, you know?

- Mac. - Sup, G Money?

It's been a while.

- Ah, yes, it has.

Warren just finished telling me how busy you've all been.

- Uh, yeah.

Super busy. - Regina?

- Well, well, we just finished redesigning the game room

and I've been picking up classes, so-

- Regina, I've always known that you would grow

into a respectable woman.

- [Regina] Thanks. - My son, however,

has not lived up to my expectations.

- Gee, Dad, love you too.

- (munching) Hey, what about me?

Uh, nevermind.

- I'm afraid I have some news that may disappoint you.

Three weeks ago I received notice that the owner

of this retail space has passed away.

- Old Mrs. Washington?

- Man, she made the best cookies.

- Yes, well, her family has decided to sell the space.

- Sell it? To who?

- I understand there is no buyer as of yet.

- Great. So you can snag it, right?

How much do they want for it?

- No, I cannot snag it. Or rather I will not.

- What?

- When I gave you this store, Warren,

instead of sending you to school,

I expected you to make something of yourself.

Instead, you have made exactly zero effort

to see the Game On brand flourish,

much less create the successful franchise.

- So you're punishing me

because I didn't start a gaming store franchise?

- This is not a punishment.

This is an opportunity.

It's time for you to grow up.

All three of you.

Yes, even you, Regina.

Gaming is not a career.

It is a hobby and a questionable hobby at that.

- That's not true. - Warren-

- Listen, Dad, everyone games.

- He's right- - I did not come here

to debate the values of video games.

I came to tell you that Game On

is closing at the end of the month.

- You can't be serious.

- Honestly, Warren, how long did you expect me

to support a business that has never once earned enough

to cover its own monthly bills?

- What do you expect us to do? Game On is our life.

- I suggest you start looking for real jobs.

- Real jobs? What's real jobs?

- I expect nothing but great things from each of you.

Excuse me.

- Mr. Bailey? - Yes.

- How much do they want for it? For the store?

- I believe they're asking for a $70,000 down.

- 70,000?

- You're capable of so much more.

- [Narrator] Game over.

- God. This is depressing.

- I know.

Oh, wait, Nintendo's hiring.

- What?

- I've always wanted- - Hold your horses.

- To be a game tester. - Hold your horses, guys.

Okay, seeking self-starters

for entry level position in the corporate call center.

Ooh. Ooh.

- What's- what's a call center?

- Enjoy helping people, wanna be the definitive source

of information for US and Canadian customers

for Nintendo game system setup,

operations and troubleshooting,

product promotions and other general product information.

- Uh, I don't even know how to answer those questions.

- Call center representative job duties include

but are not limited to fulfills requests

by clarifying desired information,

completes transaction and forwards requests,

maintains call center database by entering information.

Position is full-time, 40 hours a week,

10:00 to 6:00 Monday through Friday.

- I can't work a regular schedule. I'm a free spirit.

You can't make me march to the beat of a corporate drum.

- We couldn't make you march to the beat

of anything, you lazy ass.

- Just 'cause my dad's all laissez-faire about Game On

doesn't mean we have to be.

- I'm shocked you know what that word means.

- I'm serious, Reg.

So my dad won't bankroll the store anymore.

It doesn't mean we have to close. I mean, look at us.

Who knows what would happen if they tried

to put a tie on Mac.

- I'll tell you what would happen.

The time space continuum would collapse.

This isn't just about us, Reg.

It's about the future of the universe.

- The universe.

- You know what?

If, if we get a loan,

or maybe some investors to buy the store,

we could probably keep the store running ourselves.

But that's if we work harder than we have been.

- See, this is why we need you.

Strategy. Ha-ha-haw.

- I thought you needed me because otherwise

you would starve in filth.

- Well, yeah. - Same thing.

So where do we begin?

- Well, I guess we, I guess we need to start at the bank.

I'll call and make an appointment.

But guys, if we do this,

I need you to take it seriously.

- Seriously?

Reg, we...

Weed. Weed me.

We are the epitome of serious.

- Mac, that's not how you say...

- Man. - Huh?

- Oh, well.

- I just got the munchies for some pie.

- Oh, my God.

- Hey, Reg.

Free cookies at the gas station around the corner.

- This is your idea of dressing up?

A blazer over that shirt.

- My dad taught me that being assertive is key

to doing great business.

- There's being assertive, and then there's being a dick.

- Not in business.

- Are you high?

Oh, my God. You're high.

- And you're not?

- Of course not.

- Some stoner you are.

- All right...

We are about to apply for a loan at a bank.

A real bank with real people who have real jobs

who don't wanna give money to dumbass potheads

who can't even- - Whoa.

- Know what they're talking about.

- Chill out? - Chill out?

- Hey, it's cool. We're cool.

We do everything stoned. Remember?

Here, have some cookie.

- You should leave. I can do this myself.

- Hell no, dude. Game On belongs to all of us.

We do this together.

- It won't belong to any of us

if you two don't start using your brains

for something more than scoring weed and playing "Destiny."

- Regina, we're coming with you.

Mac is right. We can do this.

- Do not eat that.

- [Warren] What? - Okay, fine.

Turn your shirt inside out or something

and try not to get too close to anyone.

You reek.

And do not speak.

- Right.

(words muffling)

- Not a word.

(door creaking) (birds singing)

(clock ticking)

- And how old are the three of you?

- What does that have to do with it?

- Oh, I'm 26, Mac is 24 and Warren is 25.

And we've been running Game On for over four years now.

- And any of you own a home?

- (laughs) Sorry.

- Uh, no, ma'am.

We rent, but-

- Are any of you married to someone who owns a home?

- Married? - No.

We're all single, but we are-

- Vehicles.

- I'm sorry?

- Do any of you own any vehicles?

Do you own any property of any kind that you're gonna put up

as collateral for this sizable loan?

- We have gaming consoles.

- (laughs) Excuse me?

- Eight generations of gaming consoles

plus, like, 1,000 games.

- You cannot be serious.

- I assure you, ma'am, we're very serious.

- Young lady, this is a bank, not your father's home office.

- Oh, yeah? Well, it turns out my father's dead.

- Her father's dead?

- No, moron. He's in Ohio.

- The fact remains, this establishment

does not hand out favors or grant wishes.

- We're not asking for a favor. We came fully prepared.

- We deal with serious clients only,

not college dropouts playing dress up.

- We're totally serious.

- But we're also dropouts.

- Not Regina though. She got a degree in, like, two years.

- You have no assets, you have no co-signers,

no business plan, nothing whatsoever that qualifies you

for a $70 loan,

let alone 70,000.

In short, you have no idea what you're doing.

- (scoffs) Wow. You're kind of a bitch, huh?

- Truth.

- Furthermore, these two are clearly high.

- Shit. - Hmm.

- I suppose next you'll tell me you have a stash

of marijuana you wanna put up as collateral.

- No way, lady. You'll never get our weed.

- Mm-mm. - This is a farce.

I believe we're done here.

- You know what? I think you're right.

Oh, wait. Let me tell you something.

One day you will regret treating us like this.

And one day when there is a Game On on every corner,

you'll remember us.

You'll realize that you missed out

on a chance for greatness.

And that's because you'll lack

the most important quality of them all.

Imagination, vision. You know what?

If Zuckerberg had come to you, there would be no Facebook.

If Jobs had come to you, there would be no Apple.

- Here, here. - Damn straight.

- You know what? We don't need you.

- [Warren] Mm-mm.

- We will raise that $70,000 ourselves

and you, you nameless corporate drone,

you can suck a cunt. - Woo. Ooh.

(paper tearing)

(door slams)

Holy shit.

Can't believe you told her to suck a-

- Reg. Regina, are you okay?

- Can you believe her?

- She's just an old woman.

- No, I will be god damned if I let

that woman make me feel like a loser.

You know what?

We will raise the money and we will buy the store

and we'll conquer the known universe and nobody can stop us.

You know what?

Let's go buy some fucking weed, guys,

and then we'll kill all the zombies.

And then maybe when we're done,

the aliens can get theirs too.

(Warren imitating gun shots)

(gunshots booming) (electricity zapping)

- Reg, my best customer.

- (laughs) Actually, these are your best customers.

I'm just your friend. - True that.

So what's up, guys? Nice to see you outta your cave.

- What's up? - Thanks, bro.

- What's up, man?

(hands clapping)

Who's that guy?

- Any of you guys want a dab?

- What's a dab? - What's a dab?

- What's a dab?

(bright energetic music)

- So we've got our rig, our dabber carb cap,

got our torch, and we have our concentrates.

These concentrates were made using a solvent,

butane in particular, concentrated cannabinoids,

terpenes, and terpenoids.

When you concentrate the flower,

you're not only concentrating the potency,

but you're also concentrating the aromas, the terpenes,

the terpenoids that give you the, the whole essence

and flavor of smoking in the first place.

(bright upbeat music)

It'll get you super high.

Pull ourselves off a fresh piece of the slab.

(torch hissing)

We're gonna wait until it starts to go a little bit red

and we're gonna stop.

We're gonna wait for it to cool down.

So I'm gonna throw this hash oil

and wand it over the hot nail,

not combusting it, but vaporizing it.

(water bubbling)

(smoke hissing)

And that is a dab. - What just happened?

- What's wrong?

- [Warren] We've had a bad day.

- A terrible day.

Like, we need to raise money to keep Game On open

and basically just had a bank manager tell us

to go fuck ourselves.

- You guys closing down?

- [Warren] Not if we can help it.

- You know, I don't get it.

First they say, "Oh, you're adults.

You should be adults and do adult shit."

And then when we try to be adults, they're like,

"Oh, look at the silly kids trying to be adults." (laughs)

Seriously, what the hell?

- I feel you. But it's still puff, puff pass.

- Those are the cutest things I've ever seen.

- Thanks, girl.

So if the shop shuts down, does that mean there's gonna be

no more Japanese Dating Sim bootlegs?

- That's the long and short of it.

- You know, I've been thinking

about branching outta the weed game.

You know, people kind of look down on you

when you use drug money

for your sister's after school activities.

- Well, what do you think

about going into the gaming business?

- Regina, you read my mind.

(bright percussive music)

(crowd chattering)

- So this is real. You're gonna go into business yourself.

That's- - Just fine.

- I thought you were gonna be excited.

Warren must be thrilled now he can continue wearing

the same shirt three days at a time.

- Just, (sighs)

I mean, I am excited.

I just, I don't know, it just feels...

What if this isn't what I want to do?

- What, you don't wanna smoke weed

and play video games anymore?

- I just soloed a six man raid,

hold the cheese, thanks to marijuana.

Can't lose momentum now.

- Well, then, what do you want?

- To be more like you. - Me? (scoffs)

Why do you wanna be like me?

- You're so glamorous.

You have a real job and a real career.

- Not exactly.

- You're really doing something with your life.

You're living the dream.

- Living the dream? No way.

You are living the dream. You're gonna be your own boss.

Work with your best friends. Start your own business.

- That sounds great on paper,

but this is Mac and Warren we're talking about.

Not ideal business partners.

- They might not be ideal business partners,

but they believe in what you're doing and that means a lot.

- I guess.

(crowd chattering)

Enough about me. Tell me about New York.

- What do you wanna know? - Everything.

- Okay, well, the subway doesn't smell as bad

as most people say, but it's loud, 24/7.

Everyone walks superhumanly fast.

Even though the pizza's better, no sandwich place tops MSM.

Also, there's no Safeway.

- No.

Where do they shop?

(bright percussive music)

12 grand investment gets you unlimited redecoration rates.

- Sweet. - Oh, shit.

What? - Nothing.

- Yeah, nothing.

- Okay. Somebody needs to lay off the drugs.

(door opens)

Hey, guys, I have an idea.

- Holy shit (indistinct). How do you walk in those things?

- What? Oh, it's a job requirement.

- You look great as usual.

- Thanks.

Listen, I have an idea to bring in more customers and-

- More customers?

Then we might have to- - Work?

You might have to work, right?

Customers equal money, Mac.

- Whoa.

- I think you need a citywide targeted marketing campaign

to increase your visibility to local gamers

and comic book enthusiasts.

- Whew, you just said, like, three words

that mean absolutely nothing.

- You're missing out on a ton of revenue

just sitting right outside the door.

- The only thing I've seen outside that door is Hobo Bill.

- Shut up.

- You can make a big splash with a radio promo on 106.1.

- Hell yeah, that's a great idea actually.

- Then I suggest going ground level,

getting out on the street,

passing out flyers, stickers, pins.

- You're in the zone right now, aren't you?

How do you know this stuff?

- That's why I moved to New York.

Remember? - No.

- Publicity, marketing, advertising.

You can have the best product in the world,

but if no one knows about it, you're screwed.

- You are an assistant. - Yeah.

- Ow.

(bright whimsical music)

- Ooh, killer. - Serial.

- Cordelle my, man.

I didn't know you had these hidden depths.

- Been telling you bastard, slinging weed is just a day job.

- Let's print like, what, 200 of these?

- [Warren] Yeah.

- Okay, Mac, Warren, you are now officially

the heads of our street team.

I know. It's a lot of responsibility.

- We're not morons, Regina.

We can handle passing out a few flyers.

- Uh-huh, okay, well, then I'm gonna go see how Ava is doing

with the radio station.

You two, I want all 200 flyers out of your hands

by five o'clock.

It is time to kick ass.

- Ma'am, yes, ma'am.

- Dismissed.

- We got this, bro. - We've had this.

(bright whimsical music)

- (laughs) Bro, that's not fair.

You can't keep punching me into the water.

If edge guardings illegal in Smash Bros,

it should be in "BattleBlock."

- Excuses. - You're excuses.

- No, you're a towel.

- Aren't we supposed to be doing something?

- Yeah, I'm supposed to be dominating this game.

You're supposed to be getting your ass kicked.

- Nah, that's not it.

(Warren chuckling)

Damn it. - Told you, dude.

- Seriously though, Regina said a thing

about a thing we're supposed to...

- Oh, shit, you're right.

We were supposed to pass out-

- Wait. - But she-

- Wait. - What, dude?

- I think, I think I have an idea.

- Wow. Really?

- I think I have a really good idea.

You remember that ad off of I-5?

The billboard, the underwear ad

that's been up since, like, 1997?

- Yeah. What about her?

- We should make our own ad for Game On.

- Dude.

- It's the perfect location. No one is using it.

- Dude.

That's, like, the best idea you've ever had.

- Right?

- Rogue advertisement is so vogue. Let's do it.

(bright whimsical music continues)

Excuse me, sir, would you like to...

(traffic bustling)

- [Mac] Okay. This is hard.

- Yeah, like, really hard.

- Excuse me, miss, would you be interested?

Everyone hates us.

- We're in hell.

- Seriously. How long have we been out here?

This is eating into my "Catherine" time.

- Uh, half hour.

- I need to smoke.

- No kidding. Let's ditch this shit.

(cell phone vibrating)

- Whoa. It's like she knows.

- Yes, Overlord Holloway.

- [Regina] Ava got us the radio spot.

- Wow, really? That was fast.

- [Regina] I know. She's amazing.

How are you doing with the flyers?

Warren? - Uh...

- [Regina] That bad? We can send Ava too.

- No, no, we can do this.

We just need to find our angle. I'll call you back.

- Well, what'd she say?

- Mac, man, we cannot let Ava make us look like assholes.

- I don't know if she's the one.

- We just need to get these flyers into the right hands.

Let's think.

(bright percussive music)

(light bulb dings)

I got it. Let's do home deliveries like the newspaper.

We can use our bikes.

- I have bikes.

(traffic bustling)

(train horn blowing)

(bright percussive music)

I think if nobody uses these coupons, we'll be in trouble.

Ooh, 99 cent avocados.

Mind if we stop at the store after?

- Whatever. Look.

This is the nerdiest neighborhood in town.

We're bound to score some hits.

Let's get our A game on and start throwing.

- Right.

All those years of playing "Paperboy"

are finally gonna pay off.

- Yeah, I hope this works.

- Let's do it.

(bright energetic music)

(bright whimsical music)

(bright whimsical music continues)

(game zapping)

- [Warren] Hey, what's up? - Hey, guys.

Did you guys hand out all the flyers?

- Yeah, you should have seen us do it.

- Great. That's awesome.

- So you wanna...

- So Ava and I are gonna go get some coffee

and write our radio promo tonight.

- All right.

- Good job today, guys. - Thanks.

But we're just, just listen.

- So I need- - Can you wait?

- One of you to stay here and watch the store

and one of you to stop by the house

and pick up the Christmas lights

and tinsel to hang in the window.

- But we just- - Please, Warren,

this is really important.

- Obviously it's important. - Great, thanks.

I'll see you later.

- The fuck are we? Trained monkeys?

(bright percussive music)

- [Mac] Not gonna lie. I will miss her.

- Yeah, but it's for a good cause.

- Yeah, the Save Mac and Warren

from Regina's Wrath Movement.

- Yeah. You ready for this?

- Born ready, bro-heam.

- Lease me up.

Now that's a kickass ad.

- We're probably the smartest people I know.

- To be fair, you don't know that many people.

- Semantics.

- That's not what that word means.

- Whatever.

- Didn't know you guys were here until I saw this.

- Oh, yeah, we've been here for five years now.

- Huh? Last time I looked uh, this was a KFC.

- No, there hasn't been a KFC for six years.

- Oh, do you do deliveries?

- Uh, no, not at this time.

- Okay, thanks. - Thanks.

(bright whimsical music)

- So who's that? - A new customer.

I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty pissed

when I got here and you two weren't here,

but we've already had three new customers

come in with flyers.

- Cool.

- So you're saying that we've contributed

to the success of this fine establishment.

- Yeah, totally.

- Oh, so you're saying we're responsible

for improving the visibility of the store.

- [Regina] Yes, Mac.

- You are saying that we're not completely useless

but actually very intelligent and innovative,

and- - Yes.

- Good looking. - You are not completely,

totally waste of space.

Although I did notice that you two forgot

to bring the Christmas lights.

- I told you to bring

the lights, bro- - I told you

to bring the lights. - I told you

to roll a blunt- - You said you would

take a crap- - And then I'd grab

the lights- - And then I'd roll the blunt.

- Then you messed up. - Hello, welcome to Game On.

What can I do for you?

♪ Well, I've got this shit figured out ♪

♪ Time to go to work and there ain't no doubt ♪

♪ Gotta get busy if you want to survive ♪

♪ I'm a keep moving on, just staying alive ♪

♪ Gotta live free and I can't hold back ♪

♪ Gotta give me more room to dance ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm here to dance like nobody is watching ♪

♪ Time keeps marching and you know it ain't stopping ♪

♪ Let's go to work

♪ Let's go to work

♪ Most people don't like working very much ♪

♪ I hear 'em all the time talking about this sucks ♪

♪ Well, I've got an idea for you ♪

♪ Create a new job that you love to do ♪

♪ Now it's going to take time

♪ It's going to take effort

♪ But every day together life will get much better ♪

♪ Don't do it for $1 don't do it for a dime ♪

♪ Do it 'cause it's how you wanna spend your time ♪

- Yes. ♪ If you stick

♪ To it every day, soon you'll have a job ♪

♪ That makes you wanna say, let's go to work ♪

♪ Let's go to work

♪ Let's go to work - Ooh.

- [Announcer] Maximum point- - Woo!

- Congratulations, you are the 100th customer.

- Woo!

♪ 'Cause the kids ain't wrong

♪ I'm here to get stan with my fan boy, man ♪

♪ Gonna be bangin' my drum for many more moons ♪

♪ Baby, I'm your man

♪ I can do things that no one can ♪

♪ Because I got a plan

♪ And it's coming to fruition

♪ I figured out my passion and I made it my mission ♪

♪ And went to work

♪ I went to work

♪ Now let's go to work

♪ Now let's go to work

- Thanks for shopping at Game On.

- Aren't you forgetting something?

- I'm sorry?

- You know, a little green?

- What? I gave you your change.

- Yeah, I figured it was a fake. Nice billboard, anyway.

- What are you talking about?

- Hey, Reg, uh, Ava's looking for you.

She said it's important.

- Oh, okay.

(bright whimsical music)

- What's the word, Reg? - Uh, let's see.

That's over $1,000 in profit in the last four hours.

- Nice.

- If we keep going like this,

maybe just a few more investors,

we could probably buy the store before Christmas.

- Oh, right on. Wonder how Ava's doing?

She swore up and down she'd close a deal

with that new investor over dinner.

- Regina, Warren said there's no way

Feminist Frequency girl's gonna give us more videos.

- She asked for 150K. She didn't need that much money.

- How many times do I have to tell you,

Anita asked for 6K and got 150K.

She did exactly what she said she would.

It's not her fault she got more than she asked for.

- So not the point.

- I love watching you two get schooled.

(door opens and shuts)

- Oh, hey, how'd it go?

- You mean the amazing Ava didn't score us

an extra $6,000?

- Shut up, Warren.

- Yeah, not 6,000.

10. - 10?

- No way. That means we're, like, halfway to 70, right?

- Somebody's been practicing with his flashcards.

- I guess the amazing Ava pulled through after all.

- Show off. - Jealous.

- Hella. - Hey.

You guys have been doing pretty good yourselves.

We'd never have been able to pull off

the increase in sales without you.

- Thanks, Reg.

- A compliment from you is worth 1,000 achievements.

- It's amazing how much we've achieved

in this short amount of time.

- Yeah, well, we always had it in us.

We just didn't use it.

- You know what this means, right?

- What? - I know what this means.

- What?

- [Warren And Mac] We have to celebrate.

- Celebrate? But we have so much more work to do.

And it's late and I, trust me, I have a lot of work-

- Come on, Regina. This work thing's a bitch.

We haven't partied in, like, two whole weeks.

- I don't know, I just feel like there's a lot-

- But it is two for one at the Half Pint tonight.

- And I could use a drink.

- But- - Come on, Reg.

You deserve a break.

- But I really wanna just start advertising-

- Regina, as your unofficial GBF,

I hereby counsel you to stop being

so goddamn responsible and come have a drink with us.

(bright whimsical music) (game consoles clicking)

- Jesus, guys. Okay, fine.

We'll celebrate. But only one drink.

- Ah, that's my girl.

- You're buying, Warren.

- You're buying. (Mac laughs)

(bright whimsical music) (people chattering)

(bright energetic music)

(bright energetic music continues)

(people chattering)

(glass crashing) - Another.

- This isn't "Thor." I don't wanna clean that shit up.

(bright energetic music continues)

(people chattering)

- Okay, one more. Uno.

(drinks slamming)

(bright energetic music continues)

(people chattering)

- But my boss, right? She's, like, the Godzilla of bitches.

Except not in a good way

where she fights off moth creatures,

but in the worst possible way

where she destroys your city

and kills off your favorite meth cook and just-

- Ava, Ava, slow down. You're gonna hurt yourself.

- Hola, guys. Another brewski, por favor-ski.

- You know, beer makes you fat.

- No it doesn't.

Beer is actually low in calories and makes you pee more,

thus burning more calories than the beer actually has.

However, beer foam is the real evil.

It gives you the munchies,

which makes you fat.

- Dude, how do you know that?

- "Catherine." It's a video game.

You drink long enough at the bar, you get drink facts

and I am full of them.

Muchos gracias, Senor.

(people chattering)

Holy shit. Look at that. (coughs)

- So, like, earlier I noticed you, like, looked cool.

(Regina burps)

- Do I look like Hermione to you?

Don't pull that weasley shit on me, Warren Bailey.

I know you.

- Yeah, you do. - You know,

JK said she made a mistake pairing her money with Ron.

- Hmm. I love it when you talk pop culture to me.

(Regina and Warren giggling)

(people chattering and laughing)

(group shouting and laughing)

- Oops, forgot my jacket.

- Ava, all right, Ava.

- Woo. Whoa. (laughs)

- Come on. Come on. - [Regina] Grab me!

♪ I'm sorry Miss Jackson

♪ Woo, but that weed is for me

♪ Never meant to smoke you out that time ♪

♪ I apologize, but that weed is mine ♪

♪ Woo

- Did you just grab my boobs?

- I did just grab your boobs.

What are you going do about it?

- I'm gonna get you. - No, you're not.

- [Vendor] Would you like to buy a flower?

(group stumbling and chattering)

- Get me from behind. - Carry me.

(group giggling)

(Mac groaning) (Regina cackles)

- Tickle, tickle. Tickle, tickle. (laughs)

(lips smacking) (Regina panting)

(Warren groaning)

- Why, body? Why?

What the...

Hello?

Where did my clothes go?

Did I get laid last night?

Hey. (Regina groans)

Did we bone last night?

Hello? (Regina groans)

- Warren, what are you doing in my bed?

- Oh, my God. - What?

- This is my bed.

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God. (laughs)

(Regina whimpering)

- Did we?

- My mind says no, but my body says.

- (shrieks) Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- [Warren] Yes. Yes. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Regina,

you don't have to freak out.

These things happen. - Oh, my God, oh, my God.

- All right?

- Warren, did we use a condom?

Warren, I cannot have your silver baby.

I will die first. I swear to God, Mac.

- Oh, my God.

- Mac, don't.

- Oh, my God, you guys totally boned.

- No, we didn't. - Yeah, we did.

- Warren. Fuck you, Mac. (Mac laughs)

- No way. - Yeah.

- Fuck you, Mac. Fuck you.

- Oh, my God. You guys are gonna have the cutest babies.

- Mac, I swear to God, I am this fucking close

of putting you and Warren down the fucking staircase!

What the fuck do you want?

(door knocking)

This is not a good time.

- Uh, well, shit, good morning to you too, Miss.

- Hello.

- Hmm, is your name uh, R- Regina Holl- Holloway?

- Regina?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. - Yeah, that's me.

- Uh, apparently this is for you. Goodbye.

- What the fuck, asshole?

- [Warren] What was that about?

- [Mac] Ooh, are those donuts?

- You, you...

- What, Reg? What happened?

- You absolute morons. How stupid are you?

- Whoa. What did we do?

- What did you do? Unauthorized billboard, free weed?

- Oh, the billboard.

- You put our address on an illegal billboard.

- We didn't think it was gonna be a big deal.

We're just trying to help.

- You put the name of our business on an illegal billboard

advertising free drugs.

- Hey, weed isn't drugs.

- We just got served for $5,000.

- Shit, really? - Yes, really.

- Regina, you need to calm down.

- Tell me to calm down again. I dare you.

- Warren, back off, bro.

- Okay, we're sorry.

We didn't mean to ruin anything.

- You know what? You two are always sorry about something.

And that's because you two

are sorry excuses for human beings.

All you're good for is smoking pot and playing video games.

- Hey, you smoke and game too. This isn't even about that.

- No, no, I am not like you two.

I at least try to be an adult. You two are pathetic.

If you didn't have Warren's daddy to leach off of,

you wouldn't have shit.

- Hey, don't bring him into this.

- Fuck you. Fuck you both.

How can I actually think that you have become responsible?

You two are the biggest disappointment since "Crystal Skull"

and episodes one through three combined.

- Harsh, Reg.

(Regina shuddering)

- You know, I don't know how I thought

I could ever help you two losers.

You're hopeless.

Thank God I am moving to New York next month

and I will never have to deal with your bullshit again.

(feet stomping)

- She's moving to New York?

- We're as bad as the prequels.

(Regina grunts and screams)

(frequency ascending)

- I am sorry, Reg. I don't know what to say.

- You know, 12 days ago I was thinking

we could actually do this.

Wow, we can actually run our own business

and then this shit happens.

- Have you, I mean, do you know if, with Warren...

- He texted me before I left the house.

He found the condom in the trash can.

- Oh, thank God.

- Little miracles, right?

I mean, they may be dumb enough to post a giant illegal ad,

but at least one of them can remember to wrap it.

(phone vibrating)

- So I think you two are, I dunno-

- I told them I was moving to New York.

- Whoa. Really?

- I mean, what am I doing with my life here?

I wonder what my parents would say,

or if Coach Taylor or my dad, what he would say.

I'll bet he'd gimme some great advice

in a form of an eloquent speech.

I think the only way I could be happy right now

is if the doctor crashed through the door and said,

"Quick, get in.

We have to save the universe."

(Regina meowing)

- What are you doing?

- Nothing is easy.

- Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

You guys are gonna get over this.

- [Regina] Why is everything so hard?

- Stop. The doctor's not coming.

- [Regina] Don't say that.

- [Warren] I think this is the first time ever in my life

that I don't feel like gaming.

- Yeah, same here.

Bro, what are we gonna do without Regina?

- I don't wanna think about Regina.

- Yeah, but- - Hello?

Is anybody in there?

(door knocking) (bright whimsical music)

What's going on? Why is the store closed?

- Regina sort of...

Her and Warren...

There was a fight kind of.

- She bailed on us. Okay?

She lost her shit and she bailed.

- What? That doesn't sound like her.

What happened?

- Her and Warren boned and then she found out

about our billboard and then we got fined $5,000

and she got really pissed,

and I guess she's moving to New York,

and I don't really know what do-

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

Warren and Regina did what?

- That's it. I'm out.

- Wait, where are you going?

- [Warren] I don't know. Home, I guess.

Somewhere where I don't have to think.

(door slams)

- Wow, if I'd known what a few shots would do...

- It wasn't the booze.

Even if they hadn't slept together,

she still would've found out about the billboard.

- That was a pretty dumb idea.

- It seemed legit at the time.

I guess we didn't really think about it.

- You realize that just because Regina

doesn't wanna be involved,

doesn't mean you guys can't pull this off.

$5,000 isn't a huge setback.

- Yeah, but Regina's, like, the glue

that holds this whole place together.

Not just the store, but us.

- [Announcer] Re-up time. - She's our Zelda.

There's no Triforce without her.

- You know what, Mac?

You're smarter than everyone gives you credit for.

- [Announcer] 10 points. - I know.

Not smart enough to make it in the real world.

You know what I realized? - Hmm?

- I don't know how to do anything but game.

Can't even grow a full beard.

- [Announcer] Yo, play the game.

- I can roll joints and blunts.

(video game chiming)

But that's it. Those are my skills.

I can't even wash a car.

- This is just a bad day.

I'm not gonna jump ship just because Regina

doesn't want to be captain.

I believe in Game On.

(video game chiming)

- You know, Cordelle,

you're the coolest gay Black weed dealer I know.

- Thanks, Mac.

(video game chiming)

Now why don't you let me open up the shop

while you go and help Warren pull his head out of his ass.

- [Announcer] Go!

- All right.

It's up to me. - Mm-hm.

- [Announcer] 10 point bonus.

- May the way of the hero lead to the Triforce.

- (laughs) Right. Go get 'em, tiger.

(video game chiming)

(characters chattering)

- Think I'm gonna need this.

- No! Mufasa. (sobbing)

(door knocking)

- Warren, can I come in? - No, go away.

(lion growling)

- Are you watching "The Lion King?"

- No. Go away.

Xbox off. (lion roaring)

- Come on, dude.

You always watch "The Lion King" when you're depressed.

- I'm not depressed.

- We need to talk about Regina.

- Fuck Regina. - Didn't you already do that?

- (grunts) Ow.

- Sorry, dude. Bad joke.

Want some help? - [Warren] No.

- Warren...

- Why is this happening?

Yesterday it was all Game On forever. Hooray.

And now she's moving to New York. What the hell?

- Well, we did go behind her back

with the whole billboard thing.

- It's just $5,000. It's not the end of the world.

- I don't think it's about the money.

- It's always about the money.

- Whoa, Lucky Quinn, this isn't "Watch Dogs."

This is Regina we're talking about.

- Fine. If it's not about the money, then what is it then?

- Well, you guys did sleep together.

It's kind of a big deal, right?

- [Warren] Is it?

- You remember that demonstration they gave us in school?

The two pieces of paper and the staple.

The staple was sex,

and two pieces of paper got ripped apart.

- Right. Right, staple sex.

Holy shit.

- What, bro?

- What if, what if Regina's in love with me?

- What?

- That's gotta be it, right? She's in love with me.

So she's worried that she ruined it by sleeping with me.

So she's moving to New York to escape her feelings.

- I think you're confusing love with blind rage.

Or frustration or...

- I don't believe it.

- Me neither.

- I can't let her go. I gotta go talk to her.

- What, now? Maybe you should calm down first.

- Do you know where she's at? Like, right now?

- Uh, with Ava, maybe.

They're probably- - I know. Five Mile.

- I don't think this is a good idea.

- Don't try to stop me, Mac.

I have a burgeoning romance to save.

- This isn't a romantic comedy, bro.

(Warren shuffling)

(footsteps pattering)

Dude...

(birds singing) (waves lapping)

- Okay, you're charming, you're suave,

you're sexy and totally cooler than New York City.

(door slams)

(birds singing) (waves lapping)

Hey, buddy.

- Beer? - [Warren] Always.

Thanks.

Did you get my text about the condom?

- Yeah. Thank you.

- [Warren] Regina, I-

- Ugh, I think I just got mugged

of my sandwich by a raccoon.

Oh, shit. Should I call an ambulance?

- No, it's fine.

- Hello, Warren. - Hey, Ava.

Regina and I were just uh, trying to...

Listen, can we have a moment alone?

- No.

- Whatever you have to say in front of me,

Warren, you can say to Ava.

- Okay, well, thing is you can't move to New York.

- Actually I can. - But why?

Why would you want to leave this place? I mean, look at it.

(birds singing) (waves lapping)

- Yeah, it is beautiful.

- I know we fucked up with the whole billboard thing, but-

- For which you have yet to apologize.

- Seriously, Ava, you're making this, like, 10 times harder.

- Do you even know why I want to move, Warren?

- Well, Mac and I were talking and-

- Where is Mac?

He didn't come with you

on this ill-conceived rescue mission?

- He's watching "The Lion King."

Okay, I was watching "The Lion King,"

but that's not the point.

- What is the point again?

- The point is, Reg,

we don't want you to leave.

I don't want you to leave. What about Game On?

- If you want to, you and Mac can raise the money

and run the store yourselves.

You're not stupid. Really.

You don't need me.

- Maybe we do. Maybe I do.

(gentle solemn music)

- I can't make this decision right now. Okay?

Just gimme some time.

I'm gonna go throw rocks off a cliff or something.

- I forgot how intense you could be, Aves.

Come on. Am I really that bad?

Fine. I guess I'll take my leave.

- She's right. You know?

- [Warren] What? - You're not stupid.

You're just incredibly unbelievably ignorant.

- And lazy. Don't forget about lazy.

Okay, okay, tough crowd. See you around, Ava.

- And they say Mac is the dumb one.

(birds singing)

(bright upbeat music)

(Regina yawning)

(Regina exhaling)

(bright upbeat music continues)

(cartridge thuds)

(Nintendo button clicks)

(gentle whimsical music)

(console clicking)

- Hey, Reg. Wanna play?

- I don't know.

(sighs) Fine.

You guys do remember, this is a one player game, right?

- We're doing a speed run. Ladies first.

(game console clicking)

- Why can't it always be like this?

- Like what?

- Stress free. Happy.

- You're not happy? - I don't know.

I just, I just wish there was a balance

between who we were as kids and who we are now.

- That's why everyone wants to stay young forever.

It's hard to take life seriously

and be happy at the same time.

- That's true.

- I'd offer advice, but I've avoided growing up altogether.

Money lets you do that.

- No shit, Peter Pan.

- It's not even our own money.

I guess we really are losers.

- Not losers. I mean, what is adulthood really, anyway?

Age is just a number. I'm sorry for what I said.

- To be fair, we did screw up with the whole billboard.

- Which come to think of it was totally your idea.

- You were just trying to help,

and nobody deserves to be compared to the prequels.

You're both really good people more or less.

And it's all that matters really.

(Warren sighs)

- Courage. - Power.

- Wisdom.

- [All] May the way of the hero lead to the Triforce.

(group laughing)

- And may the way of the joint

lead to the high force.

(bright energetic music)

(footsteps pattering)

- (sighs) Why am I not surprised?

- Shit. What time is it?

- Oh, goddamn it, Todd, you cheeky bastard.

(Warren muttering)

- Yo, wake up.

- What? Why?

Oh, hey.

- No. Oh, hey, Ava.

- It looks like you guys made up.

- Yeah, uh, I guess we did.

- Did you bring breakfast?

- Uh, no.

- What's up, guys? - [Regina] Hey.

- Hello, children.

Please tell me there's a good reason

I cut my beauty sleep short.

- Hey, did you bring breakfast?

- Boy, I am not your butler.

- A man can dream.

- Please remind me why there's so many people

in my living room before noon.

- Because we have work to do,

and this is not your living room.

- Oh, no, not work.

- Guys, do you wanna keep Game On open or not?

- You mean you are officially back on board?

- At least until we find the money.

Besides somebody's gotta keep these two assholes

from ending up homeless.

- Seriously, if you expect me to use my brain,

can I at least get a donut?

- And we're not assholes. We're human beings.

(bright whimsical music)

- (sighs) Okay, think, guys.

- There's no way we can pull in another 30,000 by January.

- He's right. Christmas is in a week.

- Any more potential investors?

- Mm, not that I can think of.

- I can sell my copy of "Super Mario RPG."

- (laughs) What?

- Mac, you don't need to do that.

I mean, it's probably worth less

than you think it is anyways.

- It's invaluable.

- Maybe to you. - Priceless.

We still have one option left.

I've suspected it would come to this for some time now.

- What? - Regina, you're hot and all,

but there ain't a street corner in the world

where you're gonna make 30 grand in a week.

- I'm not talking about hooking.

- Ah. What then?

What? Who do I know with 30...

Nah, you can't mean...

- Guys, we need to talk to Warren's dad.

- [Warren] No. - He hates us.

- He doesn't hate us.

- Yes, he does.

If we're gonna be prostituting ourselves,

let's do it on a street corner.

If I'm getting fucked, I'd rather it not be by family.

- Wasn't Warren's dad the one that originally wanted

to shut down the shop in the first place?

- Not exactly. - [Warren] Yes, huh.

- Warren. - Regina.

- Guys. - Ava.

- Regina. - Babe.

- Stop. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

And I realize that this isn't ideal, Warren,

but if we go to your dad with proof

of what we're trying to do- - I'm not gonna give

that man another chance to humiliate me.

- He's your father. - Exactly.

- He loves you and he wants to see you succeed.

- Enough to fork over $30,000?

- We can make a five year plan.

- [Regina] What?

- Dude, I thought you were on my side.

- A five year plan to show how the business will grow.

I bet if we keep pushing the way we have been,

we can open a second location in, like, three years.

That's what he wants to see, right?

Planning? Ambition?

- That's a great idea.

- That is a great idea. I'm honestly stunned.

- Thank you.

- I just want to state one more time for the record

that this is a terrible idea and I do not support it.

- [Group] No one cares.

- Okay, let's start with year one.

We buy the space and then what?

- I don't understand why he has to come here.

He's doing this on purpose.

- Of course he is.

He wants to see what his money is funding.

Come on, guys. Let's get the vacuum.

- We have a vacuum?

- Do we have a vacuum?

(tense energetic music)

(vacuum clanging)

(Mac coughing)

(Warren groans)

(tense energetic music continues)

(rose petals pattering)

- This isn't "American Beauty."

We're trying to get money from him, not fuck him.

- Same thing, isn't it? - No.

- [Regina] Guys, get dressed.

- All right.

(tense energetic music)

(Mac sniffing)

- Okay, you guys ready?

- My stomach feels funny. - Why am I here?

We all know you're gonna do all the talking.

Mac and I can just wait upstairs.

- No, Warren, you're taking lead on this. He's your dad.

- But-

- We're talking about 30 minutes in exchange for 30 grand.

Just suck it up, okay? - Fine.

- Mac. - Okay, suck it up. Got it.

(doorbell rings)

But I still don't see why we couldn't smoke

before he got here. (sighs)

- In conclusion, by the end of the fifth year,

you would see a 200% ROI

and the launch of a statewide gaming store franchise

that would rival Washington's leading brands.

- (sighs) Wow.

When you said you wanted to present a business proposal,

I didn't think you would actually have a business proposal.

- Your faith in me is astounding.

- Setting aside for the moment

the fact that I gave you several thousand dollars-

- Shh, shh, shh. - Less than a week ago.

- Shh, shh, shh, shh. - Wait, what?

- You holding out on me, bro?

- Nothing, nevermind. It, it's not important.

- You certainly have accomplished

a lot within the past month, but the whole reason I decided

to stop funding the store was because I want you

to make your own way in the world.

- [Warren] Dad- - You would never have

accomplished what you have within the past month, Warren,

if I had continued to support you.

- That might be true, but-

- I never had the support growing up that you've had.

And look what I've managed to make of myself.

How can you expect me to keep throwing money at you?

- [Warren] But- - Especially when you plan

on using it to continue doing the exact same thing

you've been doing for the last five years.

- We have no intention of doing the exact same thing

we've been doing for the last five years.

We wanna expand. We want Game On to mean something.

- That's great, Regina, but the thing-

- No, Mr. Bailey, please just listen.

You want the truth, right?

Yes, we didn't do a ton with Game On in the last five years,

but that doesn't mean we can't do something

with it in the next five.

But without your help,

without help from the older generation,

we will never be able to achieve

a fraction of what you have.

If you try to force us to take the same path you took,

we'll never be able to impress you

or achieve what you want for us.

The world that you came up in is dead.

This isn't the 80s. This isn't even the 90s.

If we don't forge our own path on our own terms,

we'll never be more than grunt workers

living month to month, barely making it.

Gaming is not for children. It is not a pastime.

It is a multi-billion dollar a year industry.

And it's rapidly growing and its user base is diverse.

We're not asking you to support us.

We're asking you to help us support ourselves.

- Hell yeah. What she said.

- Dad, please, please take us seriously.

Take me seriously. I won't let you down.

Not this time.

I want to do something real with my life.

- Fine, I'll look over your projections,

but I'm not promising anything.

- Thank you, sir. All I want is a chance.

(all grunting)

- Oh, my God. That was stressful.

- Regina, you are a goddess.

- Thank you. I think I almost passed out there for a second.

- Yeah, I don't think you took a breath

during that whole speech.

- So can we please smoke some weed now?

- God forbid you go without weed for more than two hours.

- I didn't hear a no.

- Yes, we can smoke. I hid a blunt behind the TV.

- Score. - Score.

(Warren exhaling)

(bright whimsical music)

- Whoa.

I can't believe your dad gave you $8,000 for that.

- I asked for 15, but he said,

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

- So you think he'll still give us the money for Game On?

- I don't know. I can't think about that right now.

I need to focus on this.

It's taking all my willpower and brainpower.

- Yeah, it is kind of a big deal.

- Shut it. I know.

But do you have a better idea to get her to stay?

- Mm, nope.

- It's the only way.

(video games chiming)

- Oh, hey.

- Regina, can you stand?

- [Regina] What for? - [Warren] Please?

- Yes, Warren?

Oh...

- It's rare to find a girl who can hold her own

in a "Destiny" Crucible Match with you,

toke up and not cough herself to death,

and run your life better than you ever could.

That said,

(video games chiming)

Regina Holloway, will you marry me?

(video games chiming) (consoles clicking)

- Could we have a little privacy, please, Warren?

- [Warren] Is that a yes?

- Look, Warren, I can't marry you.

We'd be one of those terrible couples

that would argue all the time.

I don't want that and- - Regina-

- I realize now, after I got wasted and slept with you,

you've probably been harboring feelings

for me now for some years.

And I just was too immature to realize that

and shut it down before it got out of hand-

- Regina- - Well, now you're proposing

to me, and I should have known you were

always secretly in love with me.

Isn't that how these platonic relationships go?

- Regina- - I am sorry.

I'm sorry. I know this must be a really hard moment for you.

And I am not trying to be mean.

- I thought you were the one

that was secretly in love with me.

- What? Ew.

Why would you think that?

- I don't know.

- Wait, so, so if you're not in love with me,

why did you just propose to me?

- Because...

Because I thought it was the only way to keep you here.

To keep you home.

- Warren, that's a decision only I can make.

- I understand that. I just hope you decide to stay.

You're my best friend, you and Mac.

- Wait...

So that money your dad was talking about yesterday...

Of course.

You know, maybe he'd be more likely

to invest if you gave it back.

- Nah, he for sure won't invest if he finds

out we're not getting married.

I think we were his OTP.

So I'll just hold onto it until after the check is cleared.

(bright whimsical music)

- [Regina] I already told you.

- Yeah, but I want details.

Warren Bailey proposed marriage. Cosmos shifted.

- That was a misunderstanding.

- If he's not in love with you, then why did he propose?

- That's what I said.

Turns out he and Mac came up with the marriage idea

to keep me from moving to New York.

- If only you didn't have a mind of your own,

we'd all be happy.

Speaking of, I need to talk to you about New York.

- Oh, my God, yes. So I've been doing all this research.

But it's really kind of overwhelming

and I'm not really sure where to-

- Overwhelming. You're not wrong.

- So who keeps blowing up your phone?

Clearly they just- - Regina, I've been trying

to find a way to tell you this.

I didn't come home early for your birthday

or because my boss went on vacation.

I had to take time off for medical reasons.

- Oh, my God. What happened?

Are you okay? - I'm fine.

Sort of. I had a nervous breakdown.

Nothing major. The stress just got a little too heavy.

And I had this really public panic attack at work.

And so my therapist told me I needed

to take some time off to get myself together.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- Because I didn't know what to do.

I felt like I did something wrong.

Like, suddenly my life wasn't my own.

I've always been told I was destined for success.

I had to get the best grades and participate

in all the extracurriculars and go to a top tier university

and get a business degree so I would make it.

And then I get this job in New York,

and everyone's so excited for me, but-

- [Regina] But what?

- I fucking hate my job.

- But what about-

- I don't feel like I've made it.

I miss my hometown, my family.

New York might seem like the pinnacle of human civilization,

but it's not what you've idealized.

- You know what? I've been thinking that myself.

The city was always just an idea.

My own imaginary escape route

from real life

and real problems.

- I don't think- - I think I'm gonna-

stay here. - I'm gonna move to New York.

- [Both] You're going to stay?

Wait, why didn't you tell me?

(both laughing)

- Oh, my God.

(bright whimsical music)

(both groaning)

- Sorry, dude.

- I can't take this anymore.

- It's been over 24 hours.

- That's not long, right? Is it?

- I don't know.

How long does it take to decide

to give someone $30,000?

- Don't worry, he'll call.

- What if he doesn't? Then we're screwed.

- That's it. I gotta smoke.

- Not in here. We're open.

And that's the last thing we need right now.

(door opening)

- Ow. - Dude, it's your dad.

Hello, Mr. Bailey.

(video games chiming)

- Hello.

I was up most of the night reviewing your business plan.

- We appreciate your time, sir. We know it's valuable.

- Yes, thank you. It means a lot to us.

- We really want to make this work.

- So how long are you gonna have us

stand here kissing your ass?

- Warren...

- One day, perhaps you will earn some respect.

- But it is not this day.

- At least for now, it seems you've learned

the value of hard work, perseverance,

and most importantly, vision.

I will not be giving you $30,000.

- [Warren] What?

- Your estimates are a bit low, and I'd like to see

the second space established within two years, not three.

I will be giving you 50,000 and I expect to see a return.

- Mr. Bailey! Thank you.

Thank you. This is the best Christmas present ever.

- Aw.

- Sorry.

- Dad, I thank you.

This is really...

I mean, thanks.

- You're welcome, son. Don't fuck it up.

- (laughs) Thanks, Mr. B.

- Yes. Thank you so much.

- Seriously. Thank you, sir.

Hey, I do know you.

- Cordelle? - Yeah.

- What the hell? How do you know my dad?

- He...

I mean, uh- - It's okay.

He was bound to find out sooner or later.

- Oh, my God. Are you cheating on Weston with my dad?

Ew, gross. He's old.

- What? No, you idiot, he's a customer.

- Speaking of which, I'm just about out.

- Holy shit. We totally need to smoke a blunt. (laughs)

(video games chiming)

- Warren? Warren?

You okay there, buddy?

- Dad,

weed, smoked...

- Son, everyone smokes.

- Oh, my God. (thudding)

(group laughing)

(bright whimsical music)

Congratulations, beautiful bitches.

You ready to party hardy?

- Oh, yeah, kudos to us. Woo.

- To the Game On crew.

- We're glad you're sticking around, Ava.

- I hope you don't plan on coming to us for a job.

Now that Regina decided to stay,

company funds might be a little tight.

Tough economy, you know?

- Actually, your dad has already hired me

as head of marketing. - What?

He can't do that. I'm the hiring manager.

- (laughs) Uh, I'm pretty sure the guy

who just dropped 50 grand on our laps

can hire whoever he wants.

- Hey, anyone know where Regina is?

- Yes, she's putting on the finishing touches of her makeup

and her high heels.

- What? Regina doesn't wear heels.

- Actually tonight she does.

Look what we did. - Wow.

- Holy shit. - Take a good look, children.

This is probably a once in a lifetime opportunity.

- You look fabulous.

- Every model in New York wishes they were as foxy as you.

- Merci.

- About that whole marriage thing...

- Shut up, Warren. And don't babysit.

So you guys ready to embark on our brand new adventure

in business ownership?

- We're going to kick so much ass.

- And rake in mad money.

Maybe now we'll make enough to start paying rent.

Am I right? - True that.

- Wait, what did you just say?

- He said maybe we'll start...

- Wait, so you are telling me that you assholes

haven't been paying rent this whole time?

- Ooh, ooh- - My dad owns that house.

Why would we pay rent?

- You owe me so much money.

You trust fund bastard.

- Oh, here we go again.

- I kind of love it when you get pissed.

- Guys, come on. It's Chris-ma-kuh.

- Merry Christmas, you guys.

- [Ava] Merry Christmas, Cordelle.

- Shut up. - And to all,

a fucking fantastic night.

- You know what, Mac? You're right.

I'll just kill Warren later in his sleep.

- What? (sighs) I'm sorry.

- Hey, it's my hit.

- Actually, that's mine.

- [Narrator] And so our heroes met their destiny with heads,

and joints held high, proving to the entire world,

all you need to start a gaming store franchise

is a little belief

and a lot of your friend's dad's money.

(bright festive music) (people chattering)

(bright festive music continues)

(people chattering and laughing)

- So then I told him,

you can either stop harassing my client

or I can tell your wife what you said about my secretary.

- Ho, ho. (group laughs)

- See, Reg, I told you.

Dick, assertive. It's all the same to a true businessman.

- I believe you believe that.

- Warren? - Yeah?

- I don't see a ring on this lovely lady's finger.

- Uh... - I thought you told him.

- I should have known it was too good to be true.

- Hey, you guys, I have a question.

Have you ever thought about opening up your own dispensary?

- No. - No?

- [Bailey And Regina] No.

(bright energetic music)

♪ Every day Mary Jane and I go for a walk ♪

♪ She's a pretty little thing

♪ Lots of people talk about her ♪

♪ I'm so glad I found her

♪ And I love the way she makes me feel ♪

♪ She's been with me all these years ♪

♪ And I know this love is real

♪ She keeps me high as a kite and I feel so right ♪

♪ Every day at night she's with me ♪

♪ I got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it it extra crispy ♪

♪ I'm high as a kite and it feels so right ♪

♪ Every day and night she's with me ♪

♪ I've got joy in my soul

♪ Baby, let's roll and keep it extra nipped ♪

♪ Because I'm high as fuck yep, yep ♪

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck yep, yep

♪ I'm high as fuck

♪ You can bet I'm high as fuck

♪ Mary Jane she lifts me up

♪ Yeah, I gotta let you know

♪ Hey, yeah, that bitch right there, she mine ♪

♪ Yeah, I do this all the time

♪ Yeah, this all the time

♪ See, right now this my vibe

♪ Yeah, this my vibe

♪ Oh, shit I'm getting high, yeah, yeah I'm getting high ♪

♪ Hell yeah, I'm getting high

♪ Shit, just to pass the time

♪ And shit, my bitch is fine

♪ 'Cause she, she drinking wine ♪

♪ I do this all the time

♪ Do this all the time

♪ I'm just on my vibe, yeah

♪ Just on my vibe, yeah

♪ I'm gonna get in the game, but you stuck online ♪

♪ You wasting time ♪ Weak

♪ Shit, yo, I put my foot in the door ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I'll work for mine ♪ Yeah, work for mine

♪ Hey, I do this all the time, yeah ♪

♪ This feeling so divine, yeah

♪ Somewhere on my grind, yeah, this dirty song is mine ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, hey

♪ Sipping on drink when it's early, yeah ♪

♪ I'm smoking dope when it's early, yeah ♪

♪ Fuckin' on my bitch when it's early, yeah ♪

♪ I'll be on my grind when it's early, yeah ♪

♪ I'm gonna get your girl on my getaway ♪

♪ I'm gonna get a check, gonna go flex ♪

♪ Yeah, lemme get the wood

♪ I'ma work it best, yeah

♪ You can have a hit, I'ma get the rest ♪

♪ Yeah, you're sleeping on it, kid ♪

♪ Better get your rest

♪ Sleeping on it, kid, better get to bed ♪

♪ Hit the bass more so I can hit again ♪

♪ Man, that's how she know I ain't you ♪

♪ I do this all the time, yeah

♪ It's always on my mind, yeah

♪ I used to could have used your help ♪

♪ But now I'm doing fine, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I found my vibe, yeah

♪ Now I'm getting high, yeah

♪ I know, I know, I'm high

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fire, yeah ♪

♪ That bitch right there, she mine ♪

♪ Yeah, I do this all the time

(tense ambient music) (electricity zapping)